The Screamers
by KiyaRaven
Summary: Street kid. Rockstar. Worlds apart and yet so similar. Sometimes fate throws people together for a reason, and sometimes two people that rub each other the wrong way make the best sparks. All Human **WARNING: MOSTLY HUMOR BUT ALSO CONTAINS ANGST & DARK THEMES**
1. The Alley

**Chapter Notes**

**This little piece of crazy started in my brain and would not be denied. It's an AH Bella/Edward story. **

**They say the course of true love never did run smooth, and these two are in for a bumpy ride!**

**This is my first fanfic - I hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

**Chapter 1 – The Alley**

**EPOV**

My ragged breathing echoed in the darkness as my feet slapped the wet pavement. I didn't know how long I'd been running, but I knew the minute I stopped I'd hear them again - the Screamers.

My blood was pounding in my chest as I turned a corner, fueling my determination to not let them catch me.

Why the hell did I decide to go and get cigarettes in the middle of the night, and on a Saturday for Christ's sake? I _knew_ they'd be out tonight, and yet my heart had still crawled up into my throat in surprise when I came out of the convenience store and heard them. They were further up the street, far enough away to give me a head-start – but the screaming was so damn loud, it split the quiet stillness like a chainsaw. I did the only thing I could – ran.

They chased me, their shrill, flinty voices echoing of the quiet streets, and now my chest was burning as my lungs wheezed and sputtered.

Goddamn, I really needed to give up smoking.

I turned another corner, and was heading back in the direction of my hotel when I saw a small alleyway. I could hear _them_ nearing the corner, and knew the alley was a safer bet than making it back to the hotel lobby. I quickly ducked into it, sprinting past an industrial sized bin and hiding behind it. An old blanket was balled up near the wall so I grabbed it and pulled it over my head, hoping to camouflage myself.

"What the FUCK?" a voice said roughly.

I turned to see a pair of dark brown eyes staring at me, full of anger and fire.

"Get your own damn blanket, dude," spat a dishevelled young woman, trying to grab it back off me.

"Sshh!" I hissed. I could hear the Screamers approaching and this chick was about to blow it for me.

"Don't tell me to 'shhh', nutbucket!" she hissed back, lowering her voice slightly. "You're the one who just woke me up and stole my blanket!"

"Please," I begged, "shut the fuck up for a few minutes. Then I'll give it straight back to you."

"Yeah you will," she muttered as she stood and stepped away from the wall. "'Cause if you don't I'm gonna kick your ass."

"Wait!" I whispered, and grabbed at her arm. "Don't go out there!"

She looked at me like I was insane before rolling her eyes and walking toward the end of the alley.

"No!"

But it was too late for me to stop her. I cringed as I pulled the blanket over my head and waited for the nightmare to be over.

The voices were very close now, fast footfalls slowing to stop at the end of the alley.

"_Where did he go?"_

"_He definitely turned down here."_

"_God he's so fast. I think I'm gonna hurl…"_

"_C'mon Becky stop being such a wuss. We'll never catch him at this rate."_

"_Hey look, that girl must have seen him. Let's ask her."_

My breath stopped. They'd seen the girl.

_Okay, just calm the hell down, there's nothing you can do. Whatever is going to happen will happen, so shut the fuck up and stay still._

"Hey, did you see a guy run down this street?"

As I waited for alley-girl to give away my position, fear and bile rose thick in my throat. My body tensed, ready to flee.

"Oh… um… you mean the cute looking gay guy with the bronze hair? Blanket fetish?"

_Fuck!_ _Wait, did she just call me cute? And GAY? _

The voices sounded perplexed.

"Uh, yeah, that sounds like him. Where'd he go?"

I heard feet shuffling, and I suddenly had no doubt that the girl was going to point them towards my pathetic cowering position, unleashing the terrifying beasts upon me.

"Um… well, he ran down toward the traffic lights and turned the corner," Alley-girl said. "He runs like a girl by the way."

_Bitch. Bitch who just saved my ass, but bitch nonetheless._

"If you hurry you can probably still catch him. He was wheezing like an old man."

_Fucking cigarettes._

"_Come on, you guys, let's go! Ahhhhhh!"_

The screaming started up again, but it slowly faded as the girls ran down the street. I was only vaguely aware of footsteps heading my way before the blanket was ripped off me, and I stared up into blazing brown eyes. I squirmed slightly under the weight of her impressive glare.

"Now," she said through gritted teeth, "get the fuck out of my alley, asstard, and let me get some sleep."

I stood up, examining this strange girl who had just saved me.

She was a foot shorter than me, and her thick brown hair was matted and pulled back in a loose ponytail. She wore crumpled jeans and a thick flannel jacket that looked like it hadn't been washed in a while. Her intense gaze pretty much made my balls crawl back up into my body because despite our size difference, I was pretty fucking certain she could kick my ass if she really wanted to.

"Um… thanks… for doing that."

"I didn't do it for you, idiot," she said as she pushed past me and sat with her back against the wall. "I did it so I wouldn't have five teenage girls ripping you to pieces in my alley, making a huge damn mess and ruining my night even further."

She closed her eyes and huffed angrily, effectively dismissing me.

_Who the fuck is this girl?_

"Can you at least tell me your name?" I asked.

"Why do you want to know my name?" she spat, eyes still closed. "What possible difference could it make to your cosy little life?"

I let out a frustrated sigh. "Because I can't really call you 'alley-girl', and I'd like to know who to thank for -"

"I don't want your thanks."

Damn, this girl's bitch-switch was stuck in overdrive. I was seriously beginning to lose patience.

"Well that's too bad, lady, 'cause you're going to get my thanks whether you like it or not, so stop being so fucking abrasive."

Her eyes flew open at the word 'lady' and bore into mine. A slight smirk appeared at the corner of her mouth and I suddenly felt like a mouse looking into the face of a playful but dangerous cat.

"Well, well, well," she said. "What a filthy mouth on such a pretty boy." I rolled my eyes at her and sighed. "Settle down, sparky," she said, her voice softening a little. "Bella. My name is Bella Swan. Happy? Is you life now complete?"

For some reason my stomach lurched at her name. Well not specifically her name, but how she said her name. No, not how she said it but more the tone….

_Oh fuck, you don't know what you're talking about anymore. She's right. You are an asstard._

"Well, pleased to meet you, Bella," I said extending my hand to her. "I'm-"

"I know who you are," she snapped, leaving my hand hovering between us. "You're Edward Cullen. Rock-star, tween-God and all round massive ass-munch."

I dropped my hand in surprise.

"Now get the fuck out of my alley, Cullen." She lay down and pulled the blanket up to her neck. "I'm tired, and I've had my quota of asstards for today."

...

...

...

**BPOV**

Un-fucking-believable. As if my life didn't suck enough, I had to have Edward-fucking-God's-gift-to-rock-and-roll-Cullen choose this alley, of all possible alleys in LA, to hide from his rabid teenage fans.

And now he wasn't leaving, despite the fact that I'd asked him very nicely to fuck off.

Instead of fucking off, he was staring.

At me.

My eyes were closed but I could tell by the way the hairs stood up on the back of my neck that he was staring.

_Fuck._

I sighed angrily and opened my eyes. He was looking down on me, a perplexed look on his face. I narrowed my eyes.

"What?"

He blinked in surprise.

"Um… nothing," he muttered quietly. "It's just that-… is this…? Uh, I mean… how did you-? Ah, shit. I just want to know... do you _live_ here?"

I groaned and looked him over.

_Expensive black jeans? Check. Elegantly crumpled grey hoody? Check. Hugely expensive distressed leather jacket? Check. Just-been-fucked bronze hair? Check. Pity-party on his face just for me? Motherfucking check. _

"No, genius, I don't LIVE here. What the fuck? What, you think that I use this as my home address? Hello, Pizza Hut? I'll have pepperoni with pineapple, please deliver to the stinky, rat-infested alley between Lexington and Vine?"

"Well, no… that's not what I-"

"I'm homeless, you dick! Meaning without a home! So no, I do not LIVE here. Jesus!"

He looked at me with a pained expression. I'd embarrassed him.

Good.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" He lowered his eyes to the pavement and shuffled his designer combat boots. "Shit… I am a dick." He sighed and ran his hand through his unruly hair.

I sighed as well. It had been a long day.

First I was woken up by Charlie, the Mad Hatter.

Charlie was a bit crazy. Well no, that's not quite right. Charlie was a lot of crazy wrapped in a blanket of super-crazy with some extra crazy on the side. But it came and went, and he was a lovable old guy. He used to be a policeman before he'd decided that lithium was evil and he didn't want to take it anymore, and slowly the voices in his head took over.

Eventually he lost his family, his home – everything. His one prize possession was the black-silk top hat he found in a dumpster behind a costume shop. I mean, the man smelled like a walking sewer, his beard was full of bits of half-eaten food and probably small undiscovered African tribes, and he hadn't bathed in years – but his black-silk top-hat was always pristine. Hence his nickname – The Mad Hatter.

Not terribly original, but certainly accurate.

I looked out for Charlie: made sure he ate, tried to get him to drink something other than cheap wine, but although I had real affection for the crazy bastard, sometimes he just really pissed me off.

And so it was this morning when I woke up to find him urinating on my shoes:

"_Charlie! What the fuck are you doing!" _

_He blinked and focused blearily on my face. _

"_Hey, Bells. Just watering the plants, honey. It's going to be a hot one today." _

_I stood up and tried to shake the wetness from my boots. _

"_Jesus Christ, Charlie, could you go and peddle your crazy somewhere else today? I'm all full up." _

_He looked at me sadly as he re-zipped his pants and staggered away. _

"_Sorry, Bells," he muttered, and I suddenly felt like the biggest shit-heel in the world. "I'll see you later. Don't go falling in love with anyone else while I'm gone." _

After that things had really started going downhill.

James, a local pimp, had been stalking me, trying to get me to work for him, but today I really wasn't in the mood for his shit, so I told him to go fuck himself and had punched him in the face.

Not a good move.

James had a temper and had retaliated by throwing me up against a wall, cracking my head on the bricks in the process. He'd mumbled something about me being a 'crazy, bitch-whore' before spitting on me and walking away.

Nice.

My head had been pounding ever since, making me feel like I wanted to hurl. Of course it wouldn't really matter if I did since I hadn't eaten anything for nearly two days. So, feeling crappy and sorry for myself, I'd set up camp and gone to bed not long after the sun had gone down. I figured the thick shadow of crap that had been following me around all day couldn't continue to piss me off if I was unconscious.

But no, the universe had other plans.

To top off my day from hell, I was dragged from my comfy blanket in the middle of the night by a poor-little-rich-dick who was running like a pussy from a bunch of fifteen year olds.

And now I couldn't get rid of him.

_Yeah, but he is very pretty._

Pretty fucking annoying.

_Now come on, you think he's hot._

I do NOT!

_Fine. Live in denial._

Shut the fuck up! Stupid subconscious.

_Don't be like that._

My thoughts were interrupted by pretty-boy clearing his throat.

"Hey, Bella?"

"WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE? Look, I know that you're grateful, blah, blah, blah… but seriously, dude, I've had a crappy day and all I want to do is go to sleep and forget about it. So get the fuck out of here! Please!"

I slumped back against the wall and hit my head on the same spot where James had played coconuts earlier. I hissed in pain and immediately felt a slow trickle of blood running down my scalp.

I shuddered as my vision started to swim in front of me.

"Motherfucker."

I touched my hand to the back of my head, and when I felt the wetness, my stomach lurched.

I'd never been able to handle the sight or smell of blood, and I closed my eyes and breathed through my mouth, trying to push away the blackness. Gritting my teeth desperately, I started looking around for something to stop the bleeding.

"Jesus!" Pretty-boy exclaimed. "You're bleeding!"

I laughed weakly. "Brilliant powers of deduction, Holmes. Now fuck off."

I lurched onto my knees and grabbed my backpack, rooting through my small bag of belongings, trying to find an old t-shirt or sock.

Suddenly, I felt a warm hand hold something to my head.

"Here…"

Cullen had removed his jacket and had balled up his designer hoody. He was crouched in front of me and was holding it firmly against the wound.

"I have to get you to a doctor," he said softly, furrowing his perfectly sculpted brows.

_Damn he's pretty._

Stop saying that!

_And his voice sounds like honey._

You're delirious.

_And his hands are so warm._

Well I couldn't deny that.

_And he smells good. Like a warm ray of sunshine on an overcast day._

I took a deep breath, meaning to draw in more of his scent, but forgetting about the sickly, coppery smell that affected me like Kryptonite. Black shadows started rushing into my head and I looked at him blearily.

"No doctors… I'll be... fine…" I mumbled, and then the blackness took me.

...

...

...

As I swam up into consciousness I knew something was wrong.

I was too comfortable.

Too comfortable and too warm.

My senses reached out, searching for something familiar.

_Traffic rumbling past? Nope. The rancid smell of garbage and urine? Nope. Mikey Newton grabbing a quick feel of my tits before I'm conscious enough to kick his sorry wino ass? Nope. _

What I could hear was a piano, playing gently nearby. I could smell… lilies and leather, and I could feel something deliciously soft wrapped around me.

I cuddled down in the silky-heaven, figuring that if this was a dream I could afford a few more minutes of bliss before coming back to my crappy reality. I rolled my head on the softness and winced as a sharp pain shot through to my brain.

"What the…?"

I opened my eyes.

_Whoa_.

I was in an elegant hotel room, in a bed the size of a small country. There was a side table nearby with a huge vase of lilies-of-the-valley and I could see a luxury sized ensuite through the door on the far wall. A large leather sofa sat across the room in front of a cinema sized plasma screen.

_Jeeee-sus…_

I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto.

_Who cares – Kansas is shit compared to this._

Man, these sheets feel good.

_Yeah, Egyptian Cotton, baby. Probably around one thousand thread count?_

Shut the fuck up, you don't know shit like that.

_Sure, tell yourself that if it makes you feel better._

You ARE myself, and obviously living on the streets has bred my own brand of crazy.

_Oh, don't freak out. Everyone talks to themselves. You have something else you need to worry about at the moment._

Oh and do tell, what might that be?

_Well, have you noticed that you can feel how soft these sheets are… everywhere.?_

You don't mean…?

_I mean EVERYWHERE._

No!

_Take a look. _

I lifted the covers. I was completely naked.

Fuck me.

_Too late._

My head exploded with rage.

"CULLEN!"

...

...

...

**EPOV**

I was sitting at my piano when I heard it: it was like someone had set a cat on fire, and then proceeded to REALLY piss it off. I walked to the double doors on the other side of the room and stepped inside.

"Oh, hey, Bella" I said as confidently as possible, desperately trying to avoid the chocolate-coloured laser beams that were shooting from her eyes.

"What... did... you... do?" she asked through clenched teeth.

I looked at her evenly, refusing to be scared by this small person.

_You are a Rottweiler Cullen and she is a Chihuahua._

Yeah, a Chihuahua with jaws of steel and roid-rage.

"Bella, you passed out. You were bleeding. I brought you back here and had a doctor look at your wound."

Confusion passed across her face. It was adorable.

_Adorable? Really? You're pulling out a word like 'adorable' on a chick you've just met? Jesus._

She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, trying to digest my words.

"I was bleeding?" Comprehension flooded her face. "Oh… yeeahhh…"

I moved to the bed and sat on the edge, watching as she gingerly reached up and felt the dressing covering the twelve stitches the doctor had to use to close the wound.

"The doctor said you need to take it easy for a few days," I said softly. "He thinks you have concussion. He wanted to admit you to hospital for observation but I said I'd take care of you."

She looked at me sharply.

"You didn't have to do that."

"I know I didn't," I snapped, feeling my anger start to build, "but I did. So shut the fuck up and be grateful."

I knew I was being harsh but this chick knew how to press my buttons, and not in a good way.

She exhaled sharply and narrowed her eyes. "Well then, would you like to tell me why, exactly, I'm naked?"

I raised my eyebrows. "You don't think that I….?"

"I don't know, Cullen," she said. "I mean here I am, alone in your hotel room, unconscious, in a giant bed, and completely clothes-less? What am I supposed to think?"

I stood up and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to control the burst of anger flashing through me.

"You are unbelievable! I bring you up here for medical attention and you think I... what? _Violated_ you!"

She sat up, dragging the sheets with her, and I couldn't help glancing at the small amount of filthy cleavage peaking over the top.

"Can you blame me for thinking the worst?" she cried. "I've read all about you in the paper. You're an ex-junkie chain-smoker who's slept with everything with a vagina on the West Coast, and I wake up mysteriously naked in your bed. So why don't you just cut the bullshit and tell me what sort of pervy crap you perpetrated on my unconscious bod?"

I looked at her with disbelief and frustration. I probably would have laughed at her ridiculous accusation if I wasn't so _fucking angry_.

"For your information," I said slowly, desperately trying to calm myself, "the doctor had his FEMALE medical student strip off your clothes so he could fully examine you. I wasn't even in the damn room! And let me assure you I have no desire to do anything 'pervy' to you whatsoever, because you're an ungrateful, aggressive little bitch who smells like piss and has the personality of a rabid poodle!"

I stormed out of the room and slammed the double doors behind me, exhaling loudly as I leaned back and banged my head gently on the wood.

_Goddammit._

Once again, I'd let my anger get the better of me.

_Good one Cullen. Rip the shit out of the poor little homeless girl with a head injury. You're a fucking hero._

I knew I should go back and apologize, but she was being a bitch, and I was being a dick, and being in the same room as each other right now was probably not the best idea.

_See? This is why I don't help people. This is why I only give a crap about myself._

_Fuck, I need a drink. And some drugs._

Instead, I went back to my piano and started playing country and western songs. The day had gone to shit anyway, might as well give it a soundtrack.

...

...

...

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**A/N**

**So...uh...yeah. Hope you liked it. If you did, leave me some love. If you didn't...um...leave me some love anyway? I'm extremely needy.**


	2. Breakfast & Belching

**Chapter Notes**

**Welcome back. Ready to continue the ride?**

**Huge hugs to my beautiful Beta, Catty-Wan.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight. I own a disturbed mind and a filthy mouth.**

**When we left off last time, Edward had just told Bella she smelled like piss and stormed out. On with the story.**

**Enjoy.**

**

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**

**Chapter 2 – Breakfast & Belching**

**BPOV**

"Asshole!" I yelled as the doors slammed shut.

Goddamn arrogant, obnoxious, gorgeous asshole…

_Gorgeous?_

Oh, shut up.

I lifted the sheets and took a whiff.

Damn. I did smell like piss.

_Fuck you, Charlie._

"It's Charlie's piss!" I yelled uselessly at the door. "Not mine!"

_Yeah, cause that makes it alright._

I threw back the covers and padded over to the bathroom, gingerly stepping inside and turning on the light.

_Holy mother of all things pretty._

The bathroom was enormous. A large spa bath stood in the far corner, and opposite it was the biggest shower I had ever seen. The large counter of the vanity was arranged with a selection of expensive-looking toiletries. I thumbed through them – strawberry shampoo, freesia body wash, toothbrush and toothpaste, deodorant and perfume, razor, lotion.

_I have officially died and gone to heaven_. _A smooth, sexy heaven where everyone smells like a summer's day. _

I grinned inanely as I raised my eyes to look at myself in the mirror. My grin faded immediately.

God, I didn't realize how bad I looked.

My hair was filthy and dull, my collar bone and ribs stood out as a testament to my recent lack of decent cuisine, and a thin layer of grime covered me in most places.

But the worst part was my eyes - they were angry and hard.

Living on the streets had hardened me.

I thought about all the events that led up to my pathetic situation, and although I thought I'd done everything in my power to avoid the ultimate humiliation of becoming the animal I now was, something deep inside of me knew I'd just given up. I'd come to accept that I was living the life I deserved to live. I'd stopped caring. Stopped believing I was _worth_ caring about.

And now here I was, dragged into the lap of luxury by an obnoxious rock-star who saw me as some charity-case stray.

_Hey go easy on him. He probably saved your life._

Oh, don't be so dramatic!

_Well you tell me, what would have happened if he hadn't been there as you lay unconscious and bleeding?_

I'm sure someone would have found me.

_Don't bet on it._

A small chill ran up my back as the realization hit me - if he hadn't been there, I may have died. I could have passed out and bled to death and no-one would have given a shit. I'd have rotted there like just another piece of garbage.

I tilted my head and listened to the faint piano music from the other room.

_What the…? Is he playing Garth Brooks?_

I shook my head and sighed.

However much of an asshole I thought he was, he did help me, and felt the need to at least try to be grateful.

_I hate being grateful. Being grateful makes you indebted to someone. Being grateful means you have to be nice. Being grateful means letting someone in. _

I sighed heavily.

_Being grateful sucks ass._

_But then so does dying alone in an alley._

I looked at myself in the mirror and straightened my back.

The small flicker of self-respect that I thought had long been extinguished flared to life inside me, fueling an empowering new sense of self-determination. I tried to picture a future that didn't revolve around humiliation and survival – one in which I was happy and healthy and clean and worthy.

My heart tightened uncomfortably at the thought.

_Is it possible? After all this time can I just let go? Let someone help me?_

_Is Cullen's small act of kindness actually be the push I need to stop wallowing in self-loathing and get my shit together?_

I took a deep breath and looked my mirror-self straight in the eyes.

"You will not go back on the streets," I promised myself. "When this is all over you will find a way to get your life back on track. You're going to thank Cullen for his kindness, try to not bust his balls – too much – and when your time here is done, you're going to start the fuck over and NEVER eat garbage again."

I nodded to myself before grabbing as many of the small, sweet-smelling bottles off the counter as I could and headed into the shower. I turned on the streaming jets and stepped beneath the soothing spray, letting them wash away my dirt and grime and lingering shame.

It felt so good I started to cry.

And then, for the first time in months, I started to laugh.

_..._

_..._

_..._

**EPOV**

The shower had been running for nearly an hour.

_Guess I really hit a nerve with that whole smelling like piss comment._ _What an asshole._

I ran my hands through my hair.

What was I thinking bringing her here? I should have just called an ambulance and let them take care of her.

_Then why didn't you?_

I don't know. I guess I wanted to…protect her? I have no idea why.

_I know why - she doesn't take any of your shit. She's annoying as hell. She has eyes that you could swim around in forever and die happy._

Yeah…wait, what?

My internal dialogue was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"_Room service."_

I opened the door and let the valet wheel in the trolley.

"On the table please."

I flopped into the armchair and thought about the strange girl in the room next door. She saved me last night. Saved me from The Screamers. I practically assaulted her, and she still didn't sell me out. She had guts, that's for sure, and as much as I hated to admit it, she intrigued me. She lived on the streets, for God's sake. Chronologically, she couldn't have been much younger than me, and yet, I had a feeling that in life experience, she was much older.

I lit up a cigarette as I heard the shower shut off.

_Finally._

The buzz of a hair dryer started up.

I smoked as I wondered how long it had been since she had been able to have a shower - wash her hair - eat a decent meal. My stomach knotted as I thought about her alone on the streets, foraging for scraps of food like an animal, carrying everything she owned in that filthy back-pack, looking for a place to sleep every night where she wouldn't be raped or molested.

Suddenly, I was angry – REALLY fucking angry - and I didn't know why. I butted out my cigarette roughly as I thought about her and the life she had been living while I'd been pissing away my self-respect like a fucking spoiled brat. Christ, I thought I'd had it rough, but it was _nothing_ compared to what she'd gone through.

"Everything's prepared, Mr. Cullen," said the young man as he wheeled out the trolley, and I tipped him generously before closing the door.

The hair dryer stopped.

Perfect timing.

_Okay, Cullen, here's what you're going to do. You're going to apologize to her, you're going to invite her to breakfast, and you're going to keep a civil fucking tongue in your head for the rest of the day. _

I walked quickly over to the double doors and nearly screamed in surprise when they flew open and Bella stumbled out, crashing straight into my chest. She backed up and looked down at her feet.

"Oh…hey," she mumbled.

"Hey," I said back.

_Wow, Cullen, you are quite the conversationalist today, aren't you?_

My mouth dropped open slightly as I registered how she looked.

She was wrapped in a large white robe. Her skin, without the grime covering it, was beautiful – translucent and pale. Her thick hair was soft and clean, and fell around her face in a way that made me want to reach out and bury my hands in it. And my face.

Her eyes looked up at me from beneath her thick lashes and a weird, not-completely-unpleasant rush of...something...pulsed through me.

And the way she smelled? Oh, sweet Holy Mother of Fuck.

_Oh boy. Cullen, you are soooooo screwed._

"Sorry," she said softly. "Wasn't expecting you to be lurking there."

I scowled at her, defensively.

"I wasn't lurking."

"Chill, man," she laughed, "I'm just fucking with you."

I shoved my hands in my pockets and slouched, trying to look cool.

"I knew that," I said quickly, stepping back from her and trying to get a hold of whatever the fuck was going on in my body at the moment. "I suppose I should be used to you fucking with me by now."

_Dear, God, you're an idiot._

_Talk to her. Apologize. It's not like you have to speak a foreign language or cure cancer, for fuck's sake._

We looked at the each other for a few seconds, the weight of what we wanted to say hanging in the air.

"Look, Cullen…"

"Hey, Bella…"

We stopped and laughed self consciously.

_Whoa. Seeing her laugh? Very new. Very sexy. _

I gestured toward her.

"Please…you go first."

She sighed as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Me first? Right…" She looked down at her feet again. "Cullen, I just wanted to say…thanks…you know? You really saved me last night and…um…I guess I'm… grateful."

She looked like she almost choked on that last word, but then she looked up at me and I could tell that what she'd just said was really damn hard for her.

"It was the least I could do," I said, looking everywhere but at her perfect face. "After all you did save me from The Screamers."

"The Screamers? Seriously, that's what you call your fans?" she asked, looking incredulous.

"Well, yeah," I grimaced. "They're really fucking loud."

She cocked her head and looked at me in bemusement.

"Anyway," I hurried on, "I also wanted to apologize for my little outburst before. It was rude and insensitive. So…I'm sorry...for saying you smelled like piss."

_See, Cullen? That was easy. She's actually being quite nice._

She flounced over to the leather armchair I'd just vacated and flopped down.

"I have to admit, Cullen, you're nothing like I expected."

"Oh really?" I said, sitting in the couch opposite her. "And what were you expecting?"

She folded her arms across her chest.

"Well, you've got this rep as a bit of a wild child. You know – sex, drugs and rock'n'roll? But from what I've seen so far, you're kind of…lame."

_And the bitch was back._

I smirked to myself.

_Don't take the bait – it's what she wants._

"Swan, I'm only going to dignify that statement with a response because you don't know me well enough yet to fully comprehend my awesomeness, so let me set you straight about the whole sex, drugs and rock'n'roll situation."

I leaned forward, placing my elbows on my knees. "Sex – I've had my fair share. Hell, I've had more than enough to satisfy most men for _several_ lifetimes, but I've done some things I'm not fucking proud of and I'm trying to find out why."

She raised an eyebrow, wanting to know more.

"My therapist thinks my insatiable desire for the fairer sex is just part of my addictive personality, which I'm currently working on controlling. Likewise my problem with drugs is currently a work in progress. With three bouts in rehab, my family is seriously considering keeping a permanent booking for me, but as you'll no doubt learn, I'm an incredibly stubborn ass and would love nothing better than to tell them to bite me. I've been clean now for almost six months."

She crossed her legs and tried to suppress a smile.

"My music, or rock'n'roll as you so eloquently put it, is something I do for me, no one else. The fact that I get paid to do it and am a legend to millions is not my intention, nor my fault. I happen to have an incredibly annoying, type-A-personality sister who is also my manager – I blame her. And finally the assertion that I'm 'lame' is so completely ridiculous it's laughable. I'm fucking awesome – just ask The Screamers."

I sat back and crossed my legs, confident she would not be calling me 'lame' again for a very long time.

Bella leaned forward, mimicking my earlier movement.

"I see," she stated simply. "So your past exploits aside, obviously your quest for controlling your…" she glanced at my crotch, "urges, has turned you into a somewhat uptight prick?"

I deflected her button pressing easily. I knew very well I wasn't uptight – was I?

S_hit._

"Look, Swan, I know what you're trying to do and I just have to let you know, I cannot be baited. You will not get a rise out of me."

I crossed my arms across my chest, hoping I looked in control and manly.

She leaned back in the armchair and crossed her legs – slowly.

_Oh, fuck me._

She smirked at me and certain parts of my body tried to salute her.

"I bet I could get a rise out of you, Cullen, if I really tried."

_Abort, you idiot! She's better at this than you. Change the subject for Christ's sake!_

I stood up quickly and gestured to the table.

"So...breakfast? Breakfast's here! Are you hungry?"

Immediately, her face changed and she suddenly looked like the world's most dangerous predator.

"Why the fuck didn't you say so earlier?" she shrieked as she pounced out of her chair with inhuman speed. "Oh my God!"

She started stuffing everything in her mouth at once – pancakes, fruit salad, eggs, bacon.

It was one of the most incredibly disgusting and erotic things I have ever seen.

...

...

...

**BPOV**

Having eaten my own weight in delicious breakfast foods, I collapsed on the couch and groaned.

_Oh God – my stomach is go__ing to explode. Kill me now. _

I burped loudly and sighed in relief.

_That's better._

Cullen was on the phone. He looked at me sharply as my sonorous belch reverberated in the room. I smiled cheekily and gave him the thumbs up. He rolled his eyes and looked disgusted.

_Operation Annoy-the-Crap-Out-of-Cullen? Mission accomplished._

God, I enjoyed tormenting him so much, I had no idea why. Maybe it was because his face got all red and frowny when he was angry, his stunning brows crinkling up like two hairy caterpillars about to have a throw-down. Or maybe it was because his green eyes darkened and got uber-intense – making him look delectably dangerous.

_Or maybe it's because you're hot for him_.

Okay. Ignoring my inner voice now.

His conversation was getting more heated.

"No, Alice, I don't want to do SNL." He started pacing as his eyes darkened and a pink blush touched his cheeks.

_Excellent. _

"Because? Because it's just not my thing okay? Do you really think I need any more publicity after the past twelve months?" he huffed. "No it's not….don't be stupid Alice. I am NOT afraid of The Screamers!"

I coughed loudly in disagreement.

He narrowed his eyes at me.

I stopped coughing.

"I just don't feel like doing any public appearances at the moment, alright?" he said, his voice starting to sound slightly hysterical. "Look, Alice, I gotta go….I have someone staying with me."

He looked at me briefly and walked into the bedroom, lowering his voice as he went.

"Jesus, Alice…no, I am not fucking her. I helped her out the other night and she needed a place to crash, that's all…I know….I know…that's not how it is….Alice…would you…ALICE!...do not come over here! Alice? ALICE? Fuuuuck!"

He slammed the phone against his thigh and dropped his head, exhaling and running his hand roughly through his hair.

"Dammit."

He walked over and slumped into the armchair.

"Alice is coming over, huh?" I murmured, belching quietly to myself.

I noticed that the subtle throbbing in my head that had started during breakfast was now beginning to pound. I tried to ignore it.

He nodded.

"Remember the incredibly annoying sister/manager I mentioned earlier?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Alice?"

"Alice."

"Dude, how does she not know that you have a phobia about your fans?"

He looked up quickly.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he snapped, irritation filling his eyes.

I sat up slowly, simultaneously holding my bloated stomach and my pounding head.

"You know very well what the fuck I'm talking about," I said tiredly. "It's quite obvious that you have a pathological fear of large groups of screaming, teenage girls."

He slumped further down in the chair and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You're out of your mind," he said quietly.

I burped again and held my head, fearing it would crack open with the reverberation.

"Whatever," I said quietly. "You have generously provided me with enough carbs to put me into a diabetic-coma, so I'm not going to push it…for now. But we will revisit this conversation when my head isn't about to split open, and I _will_ make you my bitch."

I groaned softly and rolled onto my side.

"Oh, shit, Bella!" he exclaimed, leaping from his seat, "I was supposed to give you more painkillers an hour ago."

He pulled a small bottle from his pocket, uncapped it and shook out two pills. Then he grabbed some water from the table and knelt in front of me.

My head was throbbing hideously now and I closed my eyes tightly to try and block it out.

"Here take these," he said quickly.

"Don't need them," I groaned thickly, squeezing my eyes shut and attempting to roll over. "Pain-killers are for pussies."

I felt him grab me roughly in his arms. Next thing I knew, he'd pinched my nose shut with his fingers. My eyes and my mouth flew open as I gasped for breath, and I felt him shove the pills in and follow them with a splash of water. I gagged, and swallowed quickly before I could choke.

I looked up at him with murder in my eyes, but stopped dead when I saw the same look in his eyes.

"Don't fuck with me, Swan," he growled menacingly. "You might have everyone fooled with this tough-bitch routine you roll out, but you don't fool me. You think you're a bad-ass? It would fucking curl your hair to hear about the shit that I've done in the past few years, so take your hands-off attitude and shove it. While you're here, under _my_ care, you _will_ do as you're told – because if you don't I will throw your sorry ass back out into the street before you have time to fucking blink. Are we clear?"

My mouth dropped open and blood rushed to my face.

_What the hell had just happened?_

He looked at me intensely for another second before his face cracked into an achingly beautiful smile.

"Just fucking with you," he said cheerily as he laid me back onto the couch, brushing a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "But seriously, take your fucking pills when I tell you to. You're a tiny person and I could crush you like a bug if I wanted to."

He ambled over to phone to tell the front desk to come and collect the breakfast plates, and I took in a shuddering breath.

All of a sudden my head wasn't the only part of my body that was throbbing.

...

...

...

* * *

**Author's Notes.**

**Well the sparks are starting to fly between these two, but can they survive a visit from Alice?**

**Hit the review button. It's good for your soul.**


	3. Alice, Asstard & PissGirl

**Chapter Notes**

**Disclaimer: SM owns all thing Twilight. I own Asstard & Piss-Girl.**

**Enjoy.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 3 – Alice, Asstard and Piss-Girl**

**EPOV**

After breakfast Bella went back to bed. The doctor had said the painkillers would make her drowsy, and she'd had about a million calories to digest, so I didn't expect to see her any time soon.

I'd just finished my fourth cigarette while I paced and waited for my darling sister, and as usual when I was stressed out, I _really_ wanted to be smoking something stronger. It was always nerve-wracking to have Alice show up and poke her incredibly petite nose into my personal life, and my jaw was clenching in agitation. I chose to attribute it to the massive amounts of nicotine in my system and not the fact that my sister was a tiny, rabid ball-breaker who scared the living shit out of me.

_Christ, she's going to have a field day with this._

After Bella had gone back to bed, it occurred to me that she didn't have any clothes to wear - n_ot that there's anything wrong with that - s_o I called Alice back and asked her to pick up a few things on the way.

My left ear was still ringing from the ultrasonic squeal she uttered at the thought of playing with a life-size Barbie-doll.

_No, Barbie's inane sweetness didn't do Bella justice. More like Bitch-Slap Barbie: nut-cracking steel-toed boots and optional penis sold separately._

_Jesus, that girl's a piece of work, and what the hell was she talking about when she said I was scared of The Screamers? How ridiculous. I mean, they're just girls. Pimply, pubescent girls with shiny, sharp braces on their teeth and blood-curdling voice boxes that made my balls crawl back up into my body. _

_Christ. I have to sit down._

Slumping into the armchair, I lit up another cigarette as I heard the electronic lock on the door buzz open. Alice burst into the room, arms full of shopping bags. She was so hyped you'd swear she was high.

_No, Cullen, you're the only one in this family that does that. Loser. _

Speaking of getting high, what I wouldn't give right now for just one hit of….

"Stop thinking about drugs, asshole," Alice chimed as she drop her bags and kissed me on the cheek.

_How does she DO that?_

"Morning, Alice," I mumbled. "Not even bothering to knock these days I see."

I took a long drag on my cigarette. It tasted like crap, but it felt so good.

"Now why would I want to knock, dear brother, when I have the opportunity of walking in on you screwing your latest skank on this sumptuous shag-pile carpet?"

She plonked down on the sofa and kicked off her shoes.

"Alice, you know very well that I haven't participated in any screwing, skank or otherwise, for nearly six months. My dick's beginning to think that I've forgotten what a vagina is."

I took a long drag of smoke and blew it in her direction. She screwed up her nose and fanned it away with her hand.

"Well, so you keep telling us, honey, but with your track record I'm sure it's only a matter of time before you fall off the wagon and slip back into your drug-induced, man-whoring ways."

She smiled sweetly, and I glared at her as I stubbed out my cigarette roughly.

"My sister, ladies and gentlemen – friend, confidant, and complete raving bitch."

She giggled and pulled her legs up underneath her.

"Aw, come on. You know you love it."

I resisted giving her the finger.

"So," she said casually, "tell me about who you've got stashed away in your bedroom, you filthy fuck."

I leaned back in my chair.

"I told you over the phone, Alice, it's not what you think."

"Then by all means, enlighten me," she said eagerly.

I rubbed my eyes in frustration.

"She's just a girl I met the other night. She helped me out of a situation, she needed a place to crash, and I figured I owed her. That's it."

"Uh-huh." Alice's eyes narrowed and I inwardly groaned at what was coming. "What situation did she help you out of, Edward?"

"It was nothing."

Her eyes narrowed further and I fell like I was being interrogated by the secret service.

"Edward…"

"Really, nothing."

"You're going to tell me."

"No, I'm not."

"EDWARD!"

_Jesus, that voice could make Ghandi crack._

"She saved me from The Screamers, alright? Are you happy now!"

I slumped down in my chair and began a monumental sulk. I despised my inability to tell my sister to fuck off.

Alice continued staring at me. She obviously wasn't finished.

_I swear to God, she should patent that stare and sell it to NASA. You could explode asteroids in space with that shit. _

"Where did you meet her?"

"In an alley."

"What were you doing there?"

"Hiding from The Screamers."

"What was _she_ doing there?"

I paused.

Alice increased her glare-intensity.

I cracked like cheap porcelain.

"She was…sleeping."

She frowned.

"Sleeping?"

"Uh huh."

"Lying down? Eyes closed?"

"Blanket and all."

The penny dropped and she gasped.

"Holy shit! She's a…a street…person?" she whispered theatrically.

I saw her eyes travel to the double doors of the bedroom with the same incredulity as if I'd told her that a small green man called Howard had just crawled out of my butt and was now in the bedroom spinning straw into gold.

"Jesus, Edward, is she dangerous?"

I sighed.

"Only if you let her speak."

"So how long is she staying?"

"I don't know. She's got a pretty nasty head injury and I really don't want her going anywhere until she's healed."

Alice got up and came over to me.

"Well, aren't you the knight in shining armor?" She sat heavily in my lap and snatched the cigarette I was about to light out of my mouth. "Stop smoking, fuckwit. You don't have enough brain cells as it is."

She looked back briefly at the bedroom door before looking at me intently. "Just make sure you keep your dick in your pants, sweet brother," she said as she crushed the cigarette between her fingers. "'Cause if you don't, I'll cut your balls off. And tell your therapist."

"Jesus, Alice," I groaned, "Why don't you just fuck Jasper and get it over and done with?"

"Edward!" she admonished, "Don't be so vulgar. _Dr. Hale_ and I have built a relationship on years mutual respect and understanding."

"Alice, you named your vibrator Jasper – how respectful is that?"

She smiled wickedly.

"It's an enormous cock, sweetie," she snickered, "I'm sure he'd think I was showing a lot of respect."

"Yeah. I'm sure he'd be as flattered as fuck. Except for the fact that in the three years I've been seeing him you haven't said one word to him."

Panic passed over her face and she got up suddenly, put on her shoes, and grabbed her purse.

"Okay, I'm bored now. I'm going to the office. I have to finish making the arrangements for your SNL appearance."

I groaned as she kissed me on the cheek again and headed toward the door.

"One day, Alice," I said, "you're going to have to face up to your gargantuan crush on my therapist."

She ignored me and said, "I'll be back in a few hours. How about you and sleeping beauty meet me downstairs for lunch?"

I ran my hand through my hair.

"Fine."

_Whoa, keep that enthusiasm in check there hombre, someone's gonna lose an eye!_

"There's plenty of stuff for her to wear, including underwear and accessories." _I'm sure Bella will be thrilled. _"12.30 okay? Don't be late."

With that she strode out the door and it closed softly behind her.

Lunch.

With Alice.

And Bella.

In the restaurant downstairs.

Through the lobby.

I shuddered.

Past the Screamers.

...

...

...

**BPOV**

Cullen was totally freaking out.

I'd finally managed to get him into the elevator, but not before he'd smoked half a dozen cigarettes, searched the room five times for his phone (which was in his pocket), and changed his shirt four times. (He'd eventually settled on a dark navy long sleeve T that hugged him in all the right places. I approved.)

Everything had been a bit weird when I woke up from my nap - I'd stayed in bed for a while, reveling in the luxury of four walls and a full stomach, when I realized how quiet it was.

Too quiet.

"Cullen?" I called out cautiously, "Are you out there?"

I listened for a response. Nothing.

"Hey, Rock-star, get in here!"

Still nothing.

I put on my best sex-kitten voice. "Oh, my, it's just so lonely in this great big bed."

Nada.

_Okay, so he's either gone out, or he's gay. Time to find out which._

I wandered out of the bedroom to find him catatonic at the piano, staring at the keys with glassy eyes, his shoulders slumped and dejected.

"Oh, you're here," I said casually.

He looked very strange. Gorgeous, but strange.

"Watcha doin?" I asked carefully.

He turned toward me slowly and raised his eyebrows.

"Huh?"

I walked over to him, studying his frowning face as I went.

"Are you okay?"

He shrugged slightly and said, "Sure."

I reached the piano and leaned against it.

"So, how was your sister?"

He looked at me with sudden intensity.

"What? Oh, Alice? Fine. Um, listen, Swan...you don't happen to have any...drugs, do you?"

"Why yes, Cullen, I do," I said sweetly. "I bought them with all my profits from this amazing new invention," - I flipped him the bird - "the 'FUCK-YOU finger'. Fun for the whole family."

I rolled my eyes at him as his face dropped.

"What the hell, dude? Aren't you supposed to be on the wagon?"

He sighed.

"I suppose so." He straightened up again and looked towards the kitchen. "Hey, do you think those tiny mini-bar bottles of booze actually count as alcohol? I mean they're practically non-existent-"

"Cullen!" I said loudly as I snapped my fingers in front of his face. "What's going on with you?"

He pushed up from the piano and stalked over to the chair.

"Well obviously I'm trying desperately to get hammered and you're acting like the buzz-kill equivalent of a cock-blocker, so now I'm going to smoke myself into oblivion instead."

He grabbed a cigarette and lit it quickly before slamming the lighter back down on the table.

I walked over and pushed him down into the armchair.

"Jesus, you're such a baby."

He looked up at me with irritation.

"And you're extremely annoying for such a small person. I'm starting to think that you and my sister were separated at birth." He took a drag on his cigarette and exhaled roughly. "Oh, by the way, were having lunch with her in the hotel restaurant in half an hour. She bought clothes for you."

He gestured limply to the large pile of shopping bags next to the couch.

"Why can't I wear my own clothes?" I demanded.

"Well," he said slowly, "first of all, they're filthy. Second of all, they smell like piss."

I glowered at him.

"Sorry – they smell like _Charlie's_ piss," he corrected grudgingly.

I nodded, "Thank you."

"And finally, and most importantly, I threw them out."

My mouth dropped open.

"You...threw...away...my...clothes?"

He took a long drag on his cigarette.

"Yep."

"Why would you do that?"

He furrowed his brow. "Didn't I just cover that with the whole 'they were filthy and smelled like piss' thing?"

"They were the only clothes I owned, asshole!" I bellowed.

"Which is why I had Alice buy you some new ones, piss-girl!" he yelled back.

I gasped.

_He did NOT just fucking say that._

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"_What did you call me_?" I asked through gritted teeth.

He sat forward in his seat and glared. "You heard me..._piss-girl_."

I flew at him and landed on his lap, grabbing his head roughly and shoving it in my neck.

"I'VE SPENT AN HOUR IN THE GODDMAN SHOWER THIS MORNING, WASHING THAT CRAP OFF ME, IDIOT! DO I SMELL LIKE PISS-GIRL TO YOU NOW, YOU OBNOXIOUS ASSTARD?"

My breath caught as I felt his nose press into my throat. I gasped and released his head in shock.

_God, what the fuck are you doing? Why are you on his lap? Why are you breathing so heavily? Why? Why? For the love of all that's fucking holy, WHY?_

I could still feel his nose grazing my throat, his warm breath making my skin shiver and burn.

He didn't move. Instead he inhaled, deeply, running his nose up to my ear. I pulled away, embarrassed and more than a little turned on.

_Christ, say something! Anything! _

"Well?" I said roughly, "I asked you a question."

_What the hell was that? He's not on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire! Idiot!_

He looked up into my face. His eyes were dark and a faint smile played on his lips.

"No," he said softly, "you don't smell like piss-girl. My mistake."

_Jesus, Mary and Joseph! _

My heart exploded in my chest, poundingfuriously.

I turned away from him and crawled off his lap, moving over to the piles of shopping bags and poking them with my toe.

"New clothes, huh?" I said breathlessly, ignoring the ache between my thighs. "I suppose that _would_ make a nice change."

I glanced over at him. He looked at me intensely for a moment before running a hand through his hair and exhaling noisily as he stubbed out his cigarette.

"I'm sure you'll like them. My sister has a talent for fashion."

He reached over and lit up another cigarette, and I noticed his hands were trembling slightly.

"Why are you so nervous about lunch?" I asked carefully. "I mean, I know I haven't been to a restaurant in a while, but I will _try_ not to embarrass you."

He looked at me sharply. "What? You think I'm nervous about you? God, no, Swan. Well, I mean, breakfast this morning was a bit disturbing, but no. It's not you I'm worried about."

I sat down on the couch and faced him. "Then what is it?"

He dragged on his cigarette and pretended to pick lint off his jeans. "It's nothing. Just me being a pussy."

I leaned back pulled my legs up underneath me. "It's the Screamers isn't it?" He didn't look up. I took his silence as an admission. "Why do they freak you out so much?"

I watched as he considered his answer. I could tell he was struggling to find the right words and I was truly fascinated.

He looked over to the window and furrowed his brow. "That's what I've been trying to figure out," he said quietly. "My therapist thinks it's a form of agoraphobia, but it's not." He looked over at me. "I don't know. I mean, I know they're screaming because they like me...or at least they like what I do..."

"Or how you look," I offered.

He shrugged. "But whenever I hear the screaming, all I can think of is how they expect something from me. They expect me to give them something, and I don't know what that is. I mean, the only reason I have everything I do is because of those sweet, dedicated girls buying my records and downloading my songs, and I know I should be grateful, but...they expect me to be someone I'm not."

He looked away, but not before I saw the embarrassment in his eyes.

"Jesus, listen to me. The rich rock-star whining about his problems to the girl who lives on the street. I really am an asstard."

I smiled sadly. "Yeah you are, but everyone has their problems. I guess that's why you've been to rehab so many times."

He picked up another cigarette and rolled it around in his fingers.

"I was never serious about rehab. I always knew that it was such a cliché – to be in the music industry and have a drug problem, but it seemed to be the only way for me to embrace the image everyone expected of me...and then after a while, it became the only thing to dull the panic attacks."

He shot me a lop-sided grin. "Self-medication."

I pulled my robe tighter and drew my knees up to my chest.

"So what changed?" I asked quietly. "Why did the last round of rehab work?"

He lit up the cigarette and exhaled. "I finally realized that what I was doing was weak. I was using drugs and alcohol and sex to avoid dealing with my issues. I figured I had to start controlling my life, instead of being the animal everyone expected me to be."

"Mmmm," I said thoughtfully, "So, how are you going to handle the Screamers today? I don't think running into an alley and accosting the indigent is really an option inside the hotel."

He smiled wryly. "No, I don't suppose it is."

I leaned forward. "Okay, how about this: I'll be your bodyguard. The minute things get too much for you, just give me the nod and I'll swoop in, sweep you into my arms, and carry you off while Whitney Houston wails in the background."

He laughed and my heart ached at how beautiful he looked. "You know what, Swan? That's a deal."

He glanced down at his watch. "Now, you'd better get ready. We've got to be downstairs in ten minutes, and my sister doesn't like to be kept waiting."

"Are you okay?" I asked, noticing the shadow of doubt still lingering in his eyes.

"Yep," he said confidently, "I just need to have another cigarette. And find my phone. And change my shirt."

And so it was that ten excruciating minutes later, I was squirming uncomfortably in the world's smallest g-string and tightest jeans, finally in the elevator on the way down to the lobby.

I could tell that Cullen was trying to keep it together. He was staring at the floor and breathing slowly, obviously trying to calm himself down. I wanted to comfort him somehow, make him feel better, but I hardly knew the man.

I settled for making a loud farting noise.

"Jesus, Cullen," I exclaimed loudly, "that's disgusting! What have you been eating?"

He looked at me in disbelief for several seconds before doubling over with laughter. I joined in and suddenly, things didn't seem so bad.

Before we knew it the elevator lurched to a halt.

We both stopped laughing as the doors opened, and the screaming began.

...

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**Author Notes**

**Next chapter, will Bella survive lunch with Alice? And how will Edward cope with the Screamers?**

**If you have time, hit the review button and say hi.**


	4. Big Tit's Buffet

**Chapter Notes**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight characters, but all original plotlines, characterizations and dialogue are my intellectual property. Please don't steal it. It's not nice.**

**Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 4 – Big-tit's Buffet**

**EPOV**

I froze as I heard them, and subconsciously eased back into the wall of the elevator, manically hoping that I had magically developed the super-power to phase through solid objects within the last few seconds. My shoulder pushed painfully into the hard surface.

_Dammit_!

No super-powers today, obviously.

Suddenly, I felt a warm hand grasp my own. I turned quickly to see Bella looking up at me with amusement in her eyes.

"Come on, asstard," she said gently. "If you don't get me some food, like, pronto, I'm gonna have to start eating you."

_Oh, Jesus. Good idea. That would certainly __be one way to distract me from The Screamers. _

She exited the elevator, pulling me behind her, and for some reason I felt...calmer. Still slightly dizzy, and a bit funny in the head, but definitely calmer.

As we moved forward, the screaming intensified.

"_Edwaaaaaard! I looooooove you!"_

"_Ohmigaaaaaawd! You are soooooo hot!"_

"_Ahhhhhhhhh! You're amazing! Ahhhhhhhh!"_

Flashbulbs from the smattering of paparazzi started bouncing around the lobby and I noticed other guests looking around to see what all the fuss was about.

_Just little old me, I'm afraid. Celebrity asstard, in the flesh._

Bella let go of my hand and pushed me in front of her.

_Wait! Don't go... _

"I'm going to be right behind you, okay?" she said quietly. "Just sign some autographs, give them some hugs and then we can eat."

She gave me one final push. I looked around so see her standing a few feet behind me. She flipped me the bird and shooed me with her hand.

As I turned back to The Screamers, I noticed Alice standing at the door to the restaurant, watching. I waved lamely, and she mimicked Bella by giving me the finger, raising her eyebrow and smiling.

I stepped forward and started signing autographs. The girls babbled and screamed around me but I barely noticed. I smiled and hugged them, and even made small talk – still uncomfortable, but not falling apart as I usually would. After a while I felt Bella's hand grasp mine again.

"Alright, girls," she said in an authoritative voice, and the girls stopped babbling immediately. "Mr. Cullen has to go to lunch now. Thanks for coming out and saying 'hi', but I have one thing to ask of you." The girls all looked at her expectantly. "I know how much you love Mr. Cullen and what he does, but when you come to visit could you please refrain from screaming?" The girls looked confused. "This is a hotel. There are other guests here that we need to consider, and you wouldn't want Mr Cullen to be thrown out into the street because his fans were being disruptive, would you? Quite honestly, he wouldn't survive one night."

_God, this woman is amazing. _

The girls shook their heads and mumbled that no, that would not be good.

"Okay then," she said decisively. "If you can follow that simple request, Mr. Cullen will come down and meet you every second day, right here, at this time, and have a chat. Does that seem reasonable?" The girls nodded enthusiastically. I felt Bella squeeze my hand gently. "Excellent. Now get out. See you day after tomorrow."

The girls started filing out quietly, waving to me as they went. I looked down at Bella with a look of wonder and awe. She dropped my hand quickly and punched me gently in the arm.

"Jesus, Cullen, don't get all grateful on me. I didn't do it for you. I just really needed to eat."

She pushed me over to the restaurant where Alice was waiting with a perplexed look on her face.

"Hey, Alice," I said warmly, kissing her on the cheek. "This is Bella. Bella, my sister, Alice."

Alice leaned forward and enveloped Bella in a strong hug. "So nice to meet you, Bella," she breathed.

Bella tensed up and looked at me in surprise. I shrugged at her and she relaxed slightly.

"Same here, Alice," she said as Alice grabbed her hand and pulled her forward.

"Let's go, I'm sure you're hungry."

We stepped into the restaurant and were shown to our seats. The waitress stared at me while she went through the specials, and I'm pretty sure that if she could have undressed me with her eyes, I would have been seriously naked right about now.

"As well as our usual menu today," she said, low and breathy, "we have a special gourmet buffet, which has a selection of hot dishes, seafood, salads, side dishes and desserts."

She looked me brazenly in the eyes and breather, "So, what can I get you?"

I ignored the innuendo as I watched Bella's eyes glaze over. I knew what she wanted immediately.

"We'll all have the buffet, thank you," I said quickly. Bella's face broke into a stunning smile.

"Very good, Mr. Cullen."

The waitress brushed her breasts against my arm as she took my menu, batting her eyelashes once again before leaving. I barely noticed. I was transfixed by the look on Bella's face. So beautiful.

"So," said Alice loudly, breaking the moment. "That was an interesting turn of events out there in the lobby. Bella, you were amazing at handling those girls."

Bella shrugged slightly. "It was easy. They'd do anything for fancy rock-pants here."

She looked at me, and I smiled self-consciously as a rush of heat blasted through me.

_What the hell's going on with me today? I feel like someone's shoved a syringe full of adrenaline straight into my heart. _

Everything was pounding, and I couldn't stop looking at her.

_What the fuck?_

The waitress brought over a basket of bread rolls. She bent down in front of me, giving me a clear view down her low cut blouse as she placed the basket on the table. I looked away quickly.

_What the hell are you doing, idiot? Look at her tits! She wants you to! _

I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes.

My inner voice was a pervert. No wonder I had control issues.

Bella grabbed one of the bread rolls immediately and started attacking it with zeal. I was weirded out to realize that I found watching her shove huge chunks of bread into her mouth far hotter than the waitress's impressive rack.

_Jesus. I'm losing it. Seriously._

Alice looked over at me, a strange expression on her face.

"So, Bella," she said turning back to the bread-devouring monster. "Edward tells me that you're homeless." Bella stopped chewing. "How did you end up on the streets?"

_Oh shit, Alice._ _Why_? _Why would you ask that?_

Bella swallowed slowly.

_Here it comes._

She folded her hands in front of her, and I tensed for what was about to happen. You see, Bella was Mount Vesuvius about to erupt, and Alice was Pompeii, completely oblivious as to what was about to hit her.

"Well, Alice," Bella began slowly, "it had always been a dream of mine to live on the exotic and exciting streets of LA, so when I graduated high school I set about turning my dreams into reality. I went to college and enrolled in such courses as 'Gourmet Garbage', 'Self-Defense Against Pricks and Perverts' and 'How to Maintain Personal Hygiene Without a Bathroom.'

"I quickly excelled at all of my courses, and soon found myself on the fast track up the homeless ladder. I won a scholarship, offered by a local pimp in exchange for gross sexual favors, but I really wanted to make it on my own. I quickly learned that by subjugating any sense of personal dignity, I could effectively beg for money off complete strangers, and so began my illustrious sink to the bottom."

She tilted her head to the side and stared at my sister impassively.

"Anything else you want to know?"

Alice stared back – speechless. I'd never before seen my sister lost for words. I liked it. A lot.

Suddenly Alice's face cracked into a huge grin and she began laughing hysterically. I heard a strange sound and turned to see that Bella was hyperventilating she was laughing so hard.

_What the fuck just happened?_

"Oh, Bella," Alice breathed in between giggles, "You are the most awesome girl I have ever met."

Bella tried to get her giggles under control. "You too, Alice. Who knew that an uptight asstard like Cullen could have such a cool sister. Hey, thanks for the new clothes by the way."

Alice wiped her streaming eyes. "You're welcome."

Bella sighed and looked at my sister with obvious affection.

_How did this happen? She should be looking at me like that. I'm the one who saved her. I'm the one who called the doctor._

_Damn you, Alice, and your evil pixie charms._

I frowned and crossed my arms, waiting for the annoying female bonding session to be over.

Bella looked over at me and grabbed my hand.

"Okay, Sulky McSulkster," she said as she dragged me over toward the mountain of buffet food. "Let's eat."

...

...

...

**APOV**

I watched in awe as Bella ate plate after plate of food from the buffet. Damn, that girl could put it away. She wasn't that much bigger than me, so where was it all going?

_She must have hollow legs._

I watched as she and Edward bantered over lunch.

God, he was so different with her than I'd seen him with any other girl. I mean, the man had no problem getting women. He was sexy, but he knew it, and I had seen him convince a woman to go home with him just by flashing his panty-dropping smile.

But this was different.

Even as a kid Edward didn't make friends easily. He was always so focused on his music that he never showed much interest in interacting with other kids his age. Mum & Dad had often encouraged him to socialize more, but Edward just wasn't interested. He had his music, and he had me. That seemed enough for him.

But it wasn't enough for me.

He was determined to lock himself away like a typical tortured artist, but I knew that his gift was too wonderful not to share. So, I started sending out some demos to record companies, and although it seemed to all happen quickly, it was a solid three years of me busting my hump and pimping him like a fifty-dollar whore before he was finally signed and became an 'instant' mega-star.

I could see him struggle with the dichotomy of his situation.

On one hand he was thrilled that people were responding to his music and his talent, but on the other, he was terrified of the scrutiny fame put him under.

All in all, he was a pussified little bitch.

When he started going off the rails I tried to help, but he's a stubborn ass, and he was bent on self-destruction.

I dragged him out of coke-dens and police lock-ups more times than I cared to count, and every time he vowed to me it would be the last time, but it never was.

Not until recently, when, for the first time, he actually stuck out rehab and started to turn his life around.

And now, this girl shows up out of nowhere, and she's made him come alive in a way that nothing else has. Ever.

Jesus, she'd even tamed The Screamers.

I needed to find a way to keep her around without my dill-hole brother screwing it up.

I watched as the flirty-ass waitress came back for the umpteenth time, pretending to refill our still-full water glasses, and generally trying to eye-fuck my brother. Edward was completely oblivious. He was arguing with Bella about her painkillers.

He glared at her intensely.

"Now, Swan, I thought I'd made myself clear on this matter," he said menacingly.

Bella cocked her head at him. "Mmmm...I have no re-collection of that conversation, Cullen – maybe you should remind me."

Edward leaned forward and slammed two pills down in front of her. He grabbed her hand roughly and pushed her water-glass into it, his eyes burning into hers.

"Take the fucking pills, Swan. Now. Or trust me when I say, I will end you."

Bella's eyes widened and she swallowed the pills quickly before looking at me in fear.

"Alice...please...don't let him hurt me. I'm frightened, Alice, I'm frightened!"

Edward looked down and cracked a crooked smile.

"It's going to be really unfair if you bitches gang up on me you know," he sighed.

"Ohhhh, is da widdle baby gowing to cwy?" I teased. He reached over and flicked my earlobe, which really goddamn hurt.

"You first, ball-breaker," he smiled, and Bella giggled softly.

The waitress leaned across Edward to clear the empty bread basket, purposefully thrusting her ample chest in his face. Again.

I saw something flash across Bella's face, and she winked at me quickly before grabbing the waitress's wrist.

"Okay, missy," she said in a low growl, "I've sat here all afternoon and said nothing while you've thrown yourself shamelessly at my boyfriend, but enough is enough. This ends...now."

She turned her furious gaze on Edward. "Do you want her, Edward? More than you want me? Tell me what you want to do, honey, 'cause, you know you only have to say the word and I'll leave you and Little-Miss-Big-Tits here to have some afternoon delight. So, what will it be?"

Edward's eyes widened. He looked at the waitress, who was stunned into stillness, then he looked at me.

"I think your girlfriend deserves an answer, Edward," I said calmly. He looked back at Bella.

"Answer me dammit!" she said sharply. "Do you want to fuck me or her, baby?"

"Um..." he shook his head as he struggled to speak. "I...um..want to fuck you?"

"Say it like you mean it, bitch!" Bella bellowed.

"I want to fuck you, Bella! Only you! Not her! Although she does have great tits." I kicked him hard under the table. He hissed in pain and glared at me, before turning toward the trembling waitress. "Sorry, miss," he said gently. "That's my woman, and she doesn't like to share."

The waitress took in a shuddering breath and mumbled an apology before stumbling out of sight.

Bella, Edward and I looked at each other for a moment before the whole restaurant reverberated with our hysterical laughter.

...

...

...

**EPOV**

I wiped tears from my eyes as we began to get our laughter under control.

Fuck me, this girl was priceless.

When she'd first grabbed the waitress I panicked, thinking that she really had flipped out. But when I saw that Alice was playing along, I knew that it was game-on.

God, it was just so freeing being around someone with so much...life.

_How can she have lived through everything she has and still be so...vibrant?_

I knew she was just fucking with Alice earlier with her tale of woe, but I desperately needed to know her story, and soon. I wanted to know everything about her. I just couldn't believe that someone like her – witty, intelligent...beautiful for Christ's sake - could accept a life of poverty and humiliation. She deserved so much better.

I watched as she and Alice talked quietly about the waitress and smiled, determined to not start giggling again like a five-year-old who'd just heard a fart joke.

_God, she handled that situation incredibly. And I don't mind saying that her pulling the 'possessive girlfriend' act was one of the most arousing things I've ever experienced._

_"I want to fuck you Bella! Only you." _

_Jesus, did I really just say that? In a crowded restaurant? In front of my sister? To a girl I met less than twenty-four hours ago? _

_And God help me, part of me actually meant it. _

That part was still throbbing uncomfortably in my jeans.

_This is insane._

"I'm going to get some dessert," Bella said happily, rising from the table. "Anyone want to come with?"

Alice shook her head and pretended to vomit.

"Christ, Swan," I exclaimed. "How can you possibly fit anything else in that tiny frame. You've eaten twice as much as me, and I'm physically incapable of moving!"

I rubbed my bloated stomach.

"Oh, Cullen," she lamented theatrically, "You will one day learn that my talents are many and varied, the least of them being able to eat giant, macho pricks like you under the table."

I smiled to myself as I imagined what some of her other talents may be.

_Get your mind out of the gutter, perv._

I watched Bella's ass with fascination as she sauntered back to the buffet. Alice smacked me on the back of the head - hard.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, perv," she admonished.

_How does she DO that?_

"So, Edward," she began slowly, "I've been thinking..."

I held her hand tenderly.

"Are you okay, honey?" I asked, concern dripping from every word. "Do you need to have a lie down now?"

"Fuck off!" she said playfully as she slapped my hand away. "I need to talk to you...seriously...about Bella."

I leaned forward.

"What about her?" I asked cautiously_._

Alice brought her hands up to cup her face. "I really like her, Edward."

Inwardly, I punched the air in victory.

"I like her too, Alice," I said calmly.

She took my hand in hers. "I think that she's a good influence on you. I haven't seen you this relaxed, and happy, in..like...ever."

I looked down. I knew my sister loved me, and I hated the fact that my uptight moodiness affected her.

"So, here's the thing," she continued. "I'd like to offer Bella a job."

My head snapped up.

_Huh? What was that now?_

"Now calm down. Just let me tell you what I'm thinking, okay?" I nodded for her to go on. "I saw the way Bella handled The Screamers today, and the..." - she giggled - "...waitress. And I've seen that, for some reason, you manage to stop yourself turning into a quivering mess when she's around. So, here's my idea: we ask Bella to be your personal...handler...for the next few months, while we promote your new album."

I ran my fingers through my hair nervously. "What the hell does a 'handler' do, Alice?"

_Not that I can't think of a few things I'd LIKE her to do. And handle. _

"Well, she'd escort you to press conferences, events, interviews. She'd keep you under control in stressful situations, and because I know you're so uncomfortable about your romantic status, I thought she could also be...kind of like...um...your...emergency pretend girlfriend."

My hand closed around hers involuntarily and she winced.

"Ow, Edward! Jesus!"

I released the pressure and rubbed her hand gently.

"Sorry," I soothed, "but what the hell are you talking about?"

She looked at me patiently. "I saw how she handled the waitress today. Imagine, what would you have done if she hadn't been here?"

I took a sip of water.

"I don't know," I answered simply.

_Liar._

"Liar," Alice accused. "You know very well that you probably would have fucked her senseless in the lobby bathroom, and then sulked for the next two weeks about your lack of control. Am I right?"

I glanced over at Bella who was carefully drizzling fudge on a massive ice-cream sundae. A small dribble ran down the side of the bowl, and she bent down to lick it off before checking to see if anyone had noticed.

She caught me looking.

She smiled proudly as she pointed to her massive concoction, giving me two thumbs up and rubbing her tummy.

_Funny bitch._

"I suppose you're right," I said as I turned back to my sister. "But I don't really see how Bella can change that fact that I'm a massive douche-bag."

Alice patted my hand as she watched Bella walk back to the table with her enormous dessert.

"Have faith, dear brother," she said softly. "Our Miss Swan is going to change your life in ways you never thought possible."

Bella dropped back down into her seat, grabbing her spoon and scooping a huge blob of ice-cream into her mouth. She looked up to see Alice and I staring intently at her, both of us at a loss for words.

She looked between us, perplexed, her eyebrows furrowing as she read our faces.

"Hey guys," she mumbled, her mouth full. "What did I miss?"

...

...

...

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**A job opportunity for our homeless girl? Sounds like there are some fun times ahead.**

**Wanna leave a review? Oh, alright. Go on then.**


	5. Cheap Wine and the Truth

**Chapter Notes**

**Huge gropes to my Beta-Goddess, Catty-Wan. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight characters but I do own a lot of shoes. Pretty ones.**

**Last time, Alice decided she needed to keep Bella around and so decided to offer her a job. Will Bella take it?**

**Enjoy.**

**Chapter 5 – Cheap Wine and...the Truth**

**BPOV**

I could feel the seconds ticking by.

I knew I should say something, but really, what was the point?

After lunch we had all come back to the suite. Edward and Alice sat in the couch, and I had taken the armchair.

And then Alice had made her proposal.

It was an amazing offer – a job, a place to stay, unlimited food, and the world's best bathroom, but the whole conversation only reinforced what I had been thinking for a while now.

This wasn't real.

I wasn't really sitting across from the coolest girl I'd ever met and her gorgeous, damaged, rock-star brother. I should have realized earlier that this was an impossible reality. A reality I would never find myself in because, quite frankly, I just wasn't that girl.

Obviously, Cullen hadn't rescued me last night. I had fallen unconscious in the alley, and no knight in shining armor had come to save me. I was probably still there, among the rats and rubbish, creating this beautiful fantasy as the last drops of precious blood leaked from my body.

Fuck.

I knew this was too good to be true.

"Bella?" Alice said hesitantly, "Did you hear me? I'm offering you a job."

I struggled to focus on her.

God, she was perfect. I had to hand it to my subconscious. It had created the perfect best friend I had never had .

I glanced over at Edward. He was smoking nervously. More proof of my mad hallucinating skills. I should have known right away that there couldn't possibly be someone as beautiful as him in my world. It was completely ridiculous.

"Bella?" Alice said again. "Please say something."

I opened my mouth and promptly closed it again. Should I play along with the fantasy? No reason not to, I supposed. I'd be dead soon anyway, might as well enjoy my last few moments.

"Alice," I said softly, "I...um...how should I put this..." G_od, why can't I even put together a sentence? Pull yourself together, Swan!_ "I...have to pee."

I bolted to the bathroom and closed the door. I leaned against the vanity as I ran my hands through my hair and tried to collect myself. I looked in the mirror and touched my face. It all seemed so real. I ran the cold water and splashed it over my cheeks.

Fuck, that's cold!

_That's because this is real._

It can't be.

_For once in your life, Swan, just shut the fuck up and accept that something good has happened to you!_

I can't.

_Why not._

I...don't deserve it.

_Oh, Jesus! If I was a real person, and not just part of your psyche, I would totally bitch slap the hell out of you right now! Stop being such a fucking defeatist. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity! To change your life! To get out of the gutter! Maybe this is the universe's way of saying, "Sorry I've been a complete shit to you for the past few years, Bella, here's a little karmic treat to make it up to you." Now are you going to fuck it up, or are you going to make it_ _work?_

I dried my face and stared at my reflection.

_Don't fuck it up. Please. _

I marched out of the bathroom and took my seat. I looked at Edward. He looked worried.

"Cullen?" I said nervously, "is this what you want?"

_Please say yes, please say yes_.

He looked over at his sister and then back at me. I saw something flicker in his eyes, and he dropped his gaze to the floor.

"Swan, I know that we've just met, and honestly, you're one of the most annoying people that I've ever known...but...you get me. I feel like I don't have to hide my asshole tendencies around you, and I don't know why." He looked up at me. "But you make me feel...calmer, more in control, and if you can stand to be around me for a bit longer, I really think you could...help me. A lot."

I felt a rush of blood hit my cheeks. Alice looked at him proudly.

Nobody had every said anything like that to me before. He held my eyes with his and I felt the sincerity of his words.

_He thinks I can help him? Does he have any idea how much he has already helped me? _

It had been so long since I'd felt a real connection with someone that I had almost forgotten what it was like. On the streets I had developed my own special 'don't-fuck-with-me' vibe, and it was remarkably effective. I mean, I had Charlie, and he was like a father to me, but there was no-one else that made it through my electric fence of bluster and fuckery. But these two...

Alice – how could it be that I'd just met this tiny dynamo, and she already felt like the sister I never had? I never had much time for girls during high school. They all seemed vapid and vain and I tended to avoid them at all costs. But Alice...

She had bought me clothes for Christ's sake, and I liked it! I liked that she saw through my bullshit. I liked that she loved her brother so fiercely. And now, she was offering me a new life.

And Edward. I know I tormented him, but he gave as good as he got. He didn't put up with my usual crap, and I totally respected him for it. I had so many pre-conceived notions of what he would be like, and he had smashed all of them. Alice felt like my sister, and Edward felt like...home.

I laughed bitterly to myself.

After all this time, after my mother had thrown me out, after all of the humiliations I had been through...did I deserve this?

Edward was still looking at me.

I felt...safe, with him. Protected. And likewise, I felt protective of him.

"Bella," he said gently, "I know that this is a lot to take in, and I know that we don't know each other very well, but please know that this is not charity. It's a job. And believe me when I say that working for my sister is going to be a complete nightmare because, well...quite honestly...she's insane."

Alice punched him in the arm – hard. He winced dramatically before going on. "But she knows what she's doing, and if she thinks that this will work, then it will work. I have no doubt. Please say yes."

I looked at Alice. Her warmth closed the distance between us and I knew I could never say no to her, and I didn't want to.

I looked back at Edward. I wanted to tell him so many things, but all I could say was...

"Yes."

"Yaaaay!" Alice jumped out of her seat threw herself onto my lap. "This is going to be great, you guys," she clapped gleefully. "Wow, I have so much to do!" She dashed over and grabbed her purse, heading toward the door. "I'll draw up the contracts tonight. I do have several conditions and stipulations, but we can go over them tomorrow. Bella, I'll get you your own suite so you don't have to share with cancer-boy here – can't really afford a lawsuit for passive smoking - and of course you'll need some more clothes – for events and such." The door closed softly behind her before exploding open again. She raced back and kissed Edward and I on the cheek. "See you tomorrow you guys!" she chimed. "I can't wait!" And with that she was gone.

Edward and I sat in silence for a few minutes, neither knowing what to do.

I looked at the clock. It was five o'clock. My stomach started rumbling – loudly. Cullen heard it and chuckled softly.

"Swan, you can't possible be hungry again?"

I shrugged casually. "Meh..."

He pushed up from the sofa and stubbed out his cigarette. "Okay, I'm going to have a quick shower, and then we'll go and get some dinner, alright?"

I saluted crisply. "Yes, boss!"

He ran his fingers through his hair absently.

"Technically, Alice is your boss, not me," he said as he ambled toward the bathroom.

"Thank God," I yelled after him. "I hate taking orders from arrogant assholes." I heard him chuckle softly as the door closed.

My heart was pounding as I heard the shower start up, and I considered the possibilities of my new life. My blood was singing in my veins, and if I didn't think Cullen might catch me, I would dance around the room like a lunatic.

I drummed my fingers on the armchair.

The room suddenly felt very small.

I paced over to the window and looked out. The sun was just starting to go down and the city looked sleepy and peaceful. From up here everything looked clean, and beautiful. Up here, the fairytale seemed possible.

I looked around the sumptuous room. It was so alien to anything I had experienced in the last few years. It was comfort, and luxury, and safety, and...

And suddenly, I needed to get out.

_Wait! You promised you wouldn't fuck this up!_

I'm not, I'm just going for a walk okay?

I headed out the door and got in the elevator. I pushed the lobby button several hundred times, knowing that, logically, it didn't make the lift go any faster, but it made me feel better.

I stepped out into the lobby and crossed quickly to the front door. A lone paparazzo was stationed nearby, camera swung over his shoulder, reading the paper. He glanced up briefly as I passed, taking the time to register I wasn't worthy of his lens.

I stepped into the street and inhaled deeply.

_Ah, the sweet stink of the streets._

I had a thought and dashed back into the lobby. I grabbed a couple of complimentary apples from the fruit bowl on the concierge's desk, and walked back out into the twilight.

I knew where I was going, and I knew who I was looking for. After walking for a few minutes, I rounded the corner of the alley and saw him, sitting against the wall, drinking from a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag, and reading the financial section of The Times.

"Hey, Charlie!" I yelled as I jogged over to him.

"Bells," he said affectionately. "I've missed you."

"Have you eaten today old man?" I asked quickly as I sat down beside him.

"Mmmm..." he mulled the question. "I had half a ham sandwich this morning."

"Charlie," I admonished playfully. "You're Jewish! What would your God think!"

He looked at me seriously.

"My God will understand, Bells," he said sagely.

I handed him the apples and picked up the brown-bagged bottle. "So, what are we drinking?"

He crunched on an apple hungrily, and talked with his mouth full. "Tonight we are having the Chateau la Tor, 1973. It's a cheeky little red, with hints of strawberry, and passion fruit. It normally retails for two-hundred and fifty dollars a bottle, but I managed to haggle the guy down to six ninety-five because...well...that's all the money I had."

I took a swig.

_Ack_!

It tasted like bile and battery acid. It burnt my throat as I swallowed.

I coughed roughly and took another swig.

_Bleh!_

Still horrible.

"Honestly, Charlie, how do you drink this piss?"

Charlie had finished the first apple and was making quick work of the second one.

"Bella, I can't help it if your uneducated palate fails to recognize vintage brilliance."

I took another swig.

_Fuck me_.

Even though it tasted awful I was starting to get a nice buzz.

"So, Chuckles," I wheezed as my throat burned, "what's happening in the world?"

"The stockmarket is still in the toilet," he said angrily. "Fucking global economy is going down faster than Crazy Jess Stanley on blow-job Mondays." I stifled a giggle. "Tyler and Yorkie were picked up for drunk and disorderly last night."

I nodded. "Good for them."

The boys were about my age and actually never touched alcohol, but they did a pretty decent drunk act, and it always got them a warm place to sleep and a decent meal.

Charlie finished off the apples, cores and all, and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "Oh, and James came around today looking for you."

"What did that prick want?" I said angrily.

"He said something about giving you one last chance to join his crew. Had himself one hell of a shiner too – you do that to him?"

"What can I say, Charlie?" I sighed. "He brings out the best in me."

I leaned my head back against the wall. I felt a slight pinch and realized that a dull throb was starting to build. Cullen was going to kick my ass if I didn't get back soon and take my pain killers.

I felt Charlie stand, and I handed him back his bottle. "Where are you off to, old fella?"

He straightened his top hat and smoothed his stained jacket. "It's family night at Fasta Pasta, Bells. I'm going to stake out their bins before Mikey Newton can bogart all the left-overs." He staggered carefully down the alley. "By the way, honey," he yelled over his shoulder. "You smell terrible!"

I laughed softly and closed my eyes, inhaling the smells of the life I had know for so long. A life that I now had the chance to leave behind.

My blanket was still rolled up next to wall. I figured I'd leave it here for Charlie. Something to remember me by.

I winced slightly as the throb in my head increased. I barely noticed the footsteps coming down the alley until a dark shadow fell over me.

"Bella?"

**EPOV**

Thank God she was here. Her eyes were closed, and she looked like she was in pain.

"Bella?"

Her eyes opened and met mine.

"Hey, Cullen," she said softly, "this is the second time in two days that you've come-a-callin' at my condo. People will start to talk."

I sat down next to her and pulled out the painkillers and a small bottle of water. I handed her the tablets and she took them without complaint. She closed her eyes again and leaned back against the wall.

I looked at her in the fading light.

_Beautiful._

"Are you okay?" I asked hesitantly.

"I think so," she replied.

I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them. "Why did you take off? I came out of the shower and you were gone. I thought you'd freaked out and run away."

"I know," she said softly, opening her eyes to look at me. "Sorry about that. I just had to get out."

"Oh, dear Lord," I cried dramatically as I nervously looked down to the end of alley then looked up into the sky, feigning fear.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked, bewildered.

"Well," I said cautiously, "You just apologized to me, so I was looking for the four horsemen of the apocalypse, 'cause I'm pretty fucking sure the end is nigh."

She punched me gently in the arm. "Shut up."

We sat there in silence for a few minutes.

I noticed the blanket that had started our little adventure was still balled up near the wall and I suddenly needed to know. Everything.

I moved slightly so I was facing her. "Swan," I began carefully, "How did you end up here?"

She closed her eyes again and leaned back against the wall. For a minute I thought she wasn't going to answer, then she started to speak.

"It's a long story," she sighed. "I'm sure it would just bore you."

"Swan," I urged as I willed her to look at me, "I have to know. Please."

She exhaled loudly, and I saw the pain that she had buried deep inside worm its way to the surface. I held my breath as she started to speak.

"I grew up in LA," she said softly, a bitter smile curling her lips. "You know, I always thought I'd meet a big movie star one day and live in one of those huge houses in Beverly Hills. My dad thought I should be an actress because I was always acting out scenes from my favorite movies in the lounge room. I'd wrap myself in an old blanket and pretend to be Scarlett O'Hara, or Fagin from Oliver, and my Dad would always clap and cheer, no matter how crappy I was."

A small smile lit up her face, followed by haunted sadness.

"But when I was eight, Dad was killed in an accident. My Mom was devastated. She wasn't the type of woman who could be alone, so when she started dating again I think she just grabbed the first bozo she could find, and two years later she married Phil."

She looked over at me, and her eyes were smoldering with emotion.

"Hey, Cullen, can I bum a cigarette?"

I pulled out a cigarette and handed to her. She cupped her hands around mine as I clicked the lighter. She inhaled, deeply, and immediately had a coughing fit.

"Fucking hell!" she exclaimed. "That's fucking disgusting! How can you stand it?"

"Simple, Swan," I said, "I'm fucking awesome, and you're a complete wuss-bag."

She stared daggers at me and took another drag. She coughed again. "Gross."

I tried to get the story back on track. "So, your mother married Phil. What was he like?"

She blew out a puff of smoke and shook her head. "Phil was an asshole." She squinted as the smoke drifted back into her face. "He was a minor league baseball player, and an alcoholic. After a couple of years of marriage, his drinking got out of control. He was smashed all the time, and he started taking it out on my Mom."

She looked at me briefly before continuing, "I could always tell when he was in one of his moods. He would stagger home and crash around the house, yelling at Mom and trying to pick a fight. She always tried to calm him down, but her pleading and soothing only made him angrier. I would run into my room and put a pillow over my head, but I could still hear it."

I felt my heart rate increase as I thought about a young Bella, desperately trying to block out what was happening in her own home. My anger pulsed like a wild animal under my skin, and I struggled to maintain control. Part of me didn't want to hear what was coming, but I knew I needed to.

"He would hit her – and then Mom would start to cry. The crying always triggered the yelling," - her voice became deep and rough - "'Don't you start crying Renee, you fucking whore. Don't you DARE start crying. You know you deserve this! Otherwise you wouldn't PISS ME OFF all the damn time!'" She shook her head and scowled. "She'd beg him to stop, then he'd get really angry."

"Jesus, Bella," I breathed. "What did you do?"

"I was a child, Cullen, I didn't think there was anything I could do. When he eventually staggered into bed, I would come out of my room and help clean Mom up. She would always apologize to me, which drove me insane. Why the fuck should she apologize for the piece of shit that liked beating up defenseless women?"

She exhaled slowly, getting herself back under control. "By the time I was thirteen I'd had enough. I couldn't stand to see Mom take it any more, so whenever I heard him come home in a rage, I made sure I pissed him off before he got anywhere near Mom."

I hissed in a tight breath as understanding crept into my brain. "He...hit...you?"

My blood boiled in my veins.

Bella sighed. "Every Friday night until I turned eighteen. Sometimes on Saturday night too if he was having a good week."

My anger flared violently, taking on a life of it's own.

_That motherfucker._

I suddenly needed to vent my anger, to hit something, preferably the asshole that had abused Bella, but I needed her to continue, so I tried to hide my rage.

I took in a ragged breath before saying, "What did your Mom do?"

She laughed bitterly. "Not a lot. She'd always come and take care of me afterward, and I knew she felt guilty that it was me and not her, but I begged her every damn day to leave that son-of-a-bitch and she never did."

She took another sip out of the water bottle and pulled her knees up to her chest. "I knew that as soon as I finished high school I was out of there. After a while, the beatings weren't the worst part. The worst part was trying to explain my injuries to the kids at school. Those bitches thought I was the clumsiest fucker alive - 'Oh look, Bella's run into a door again.' 'Bella, did you fall down another flight of stairs?' 'Bella, are you sure you're not into self-mutilation?' I fucking hated those kids. I lied to them about everything, and they bought it. Not one of them ever figured it out. Fucking losers."

"Why didn't you go away to college? Get away from it all?"

She rubbed her eyes and when she opened them again I saw the depth of her sadness. "That was the plan. I worked all though high school and had saved every penny. I'd even applied to a few schools, and had been accepted. One had offered me a scholarship."

"So what happened?"

She took a deep breath. "I got home the day after graduation and started packing. I got on the net to check how much money I had in my bank account, so I could get out as soon as possible. It was empty."

She took another drag of the cigarette and exhaled toward the sky, her voice low and pained. "It was my only way out of that fucked-up situation, and it had been taken away from me."

I desperately wanted to reach out to her, hold her, but I couldn't. Not yet.

She shook her head bitterly and continued. "I knew it was Phil. I knew that piece of shit had figured out what I was up to and made sure that his favorite punching bag wouldn't be able to leave."

A look of embarrassment and pain settled on her face. "Something inside me snapped. I walked into his bedroom and got his prized vintage baseball bat. I tried to stay calm as I waited for him to get home, but my blood was boiling. Mom got home before he did, and I could hear her making dinner in the kitchen, but I just sat on my bed and waited for the bastard to show his face."

"He got home about eight, rolling drunk and belligerent as all hell. I walked out into the lounge room to confront him. I asked him, very calmly, where my money was. He told me to go fuck myself. I called him a lying sack of shit. He lurched over and punched me in the face."

She took in a shuddering breath and dropped her gaze.

"The next thing I remember was my mother screaming at me to stop. I looked down...and I saw Phil...slumped on the floor. His head was spewing blood and he was whimpering like a wounded animal. I'm pretty sure his right arm and leg were broken, cause they were poking out at strange angles. I felt something sticky and wet, and when I looked down...I saw the bloody baseball bat in my hands. I don't even remember hitting him."

She stared blankly at the ground. I reached out and touched her on the shoulder.

"I could hear a strange sound, but it was like it was coming from far away. I think it was me...screaming. Next thing I knew, my mother slapped me across the face – hard. She shrieked at me to get out. She told me to leave and never come back or she would call the cops. I dropped the bat, grabbed my backpack, and didn't look back."

Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked up at me, fierce emotion contorting her face. "I couldn't fucking believe her. After everything that we'd gone through – everything HE'D put us through – all the beatings I 'd taken for her...she chose him over me."

She blinked quickly, pushing down her emotion. "I've been on the street ever since."

I took in an unsteady breath. "How long has that been?"

She went back to staring at the ground. "Three years."

_Jesus fucking Christ._

I moved in closer and wrapped my arms around her, desperately wanting to take away her pain, but I knew I never could. She stiffened slightly as my arms circled her, but she didn't pull away.

I wondered idly if Phil had survived, because if he did, I was surely going to track that motherfucker down one day and kill him myself.

I rested my head on Bella's shoulder, and marveled at the strength of this incredible woman. I felt her pull in a shuddering breath and move out of my embrace.

"So, there you have it, Cullen," she said softly. "You're the only person in the world I've ever told that story to, apart from Charlie, and you're probably the one person I shouldn't have told."

She shivered slightly, so I shrugged out of my jacket and placed it around her shoulders.

"Why on earth would you say that?"

She looked at me with a heartbreaking expression of resignation. "Because, now you know what I am...and what I'm capable of...there's no way you're going to want to have anything to do with me."

Moisture began to pool in her eyes and she quickly looked away.

"Don't be ridiculous," I said firmly. "I have even more respect for you now, knowing what you've been through. Jesus, if I had gone through that, I would be in a mental ward somewhere, filling my days with macrame and paint-by-numbers." I grabbed her face in my hands. "You survived, Bella, the only way you knew how. How can I not acknowledge how amazing that is?"

She covered he face in her hands. "You don't know the things I've done to survive, Cullen. You'd be disgusted if you knew..."

I grabbed her hands firmly and pulled them away, forcing her to look at me. "Now you listen to me, Swan," I said roughly, "I don't give a shit about what you've done. I've done my fair share of disgusting crap too, and I had absolutely no excuse for it, so you're still ahead of me on the points table. But one thing I do know is that you're...my friend. As weird as that is for both of us, it's just a fact. Apart from my sister, you're the only friend I've ever had. So get off your sorry ass and say goodbye to this alley, because you're leaving with me now, and you're never coming back."

I pulled her to her feet and she swayed slightly. I sniffed her breath. "Have you been drinking?"

She blinked slowly. "Just a bit."

I grabbed her hand and led her out of the alley. "Lucky bitch..."

**Author Notes**

***sigh* There's a review button down there. No pressure...just saying.**


	6. Unacceptable Touching

**Chapter Notes**

**This chapter is for all of you Alice fans out there, and I know there's a few of you. I had some amazing responses to the last chapter and sincerely thank all of you beautiful people who reviewed.**

**Disclaimer: If Stephanie Meyer hadn't thought up the brilliant characters contained in Twilight, we'd all have too much damn time on our hands right about now. She owns, I borrow.**

**Enjoy.**

**Chapter 6 – Unacceptable Touching**

**BPOV**

I opened my eyes and stretched.

_Damn! Sleeping in a bed totally rocks. I could sooooo get used to this._

I felt a small movement and turned my head. Edward had rolled over to face me. His eyes were open and he was searching my face.

_Mmmm...waking up to that? I could get used to that too._

"Morning," he mumbled in his sexy, sleep voice.

"Hello," I said softly.

"How do you feel?"

I stretched a little and lay on my side so I could get a better look at him.

"I'm fine," I breathed. "How are you?"

He shrugged. "Okay...I suppose."

Alarm bells went off in my head.

"Just okay?" I asked nervously.

He propped his head up on his hand and looked at me seriously.

"Yeah, Bella I have to tell you something." _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! _"I know you probably haven't slept with someone for a while but...just to let you know...um...you..." _Gah! Molested his man bits? Dry humped his leg? Had a sex dream about David Hasslehoff and screamed out his name! Argh! Just kill me! _

"...snore."

_Um...huh?_

"I beg your pardon?" I said, highly offended.

He spoke to me like I was a two-year-old, acting his words out. "When – you – sleep...you-snore...like-a-fucking-chainsaw!"

I sat up quickly and looked down at him furiously.

"Edward...Asstard...Cullen. You take that back right now!"

He sat up to match me.

"Impossible," he said casually. "It's out there now – floating around the universe. It can't be taken back."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "One day," I said menacingly, "I'm going to make you sorry you ever said those words. It may not be today, because, quite frankly, if I don't pee immediately, my bladder is going to explode and kill me, but one day, when you least expect it..."

He starting making a sound like running water.

_Bastard!_

I ran to the bathroom and slammed the door.

When I came back, wee-free and relaxed, he was sitting on the bed, picking out a tune on his guitar. I flopped down on my stomach and listened.

He played so damn well. I watched as his long. delicate fingers picked at the strings skilfully.

God, it must be nice to be talented. And I was suddenly very sure that those abnormally long fingers were VERY talented.

He suddenly stopped playing, and I looked up into his face. He looked nervous.

"So," he said tentatively. "Do you regret anything about last night?"

I looked down and smoothed the sheet with my hand. "Do you mean do I regret telling you...the truth?"

He smiled slightly. "No, I was actually talking about what happened when we got back here..."

I ran my fingers along the edge of the bed. "Um...no...I don't think I regret it. I wasn't sure what I was doing because I haven't done that before, but...I had fun..."

He chuckled softly. "So, do you think it might be something you'd like to do again?"

I looked up at him and cracked a smile. "Only if you don't let me win again," I lamented.

He jumped off the bed and grabbed the Scrabble set off the side table.

"I didn't LET you win, Swan," he said defensively. "You won because you have a highly colorful vocabulary, and we agreed that swear words could be included."

He unpacked the board and placed it in the middle of the bed.

"However, this time, proper words only – no slang – and I will unleash the full force of my high school geekdom on your sorry ass."

"Bring it on, white boy," I challenged.

We started turning the letters over in the box.

"Thanks for sharing the bed by the way," he said gratefully. "I would have been happy to sleep on the couch, but then I wouldn't have the awesome 'snoring' ammunition I now plan to torment you with."

"One day, Cullen," I breathed, "when you least expect it..."

Suddenly, the double doors to the bedroom crashed open and Alice stood there like an avenging angel, fury written all over her face.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE?" she bellowed.

Cullen and I blinked a couple of times before he answered, "Um...Scrabble? Wanna play?"

Alice stormed over to the bed. "What the fuck, you two?" she berated loudly. "I leave you alone for ONE night and you jump each other's bones like nymphomaniacs?"

I got up off the bed and ran around to envelop her in a massive hug. I felt her relax slightly, but she didn't hug me back. I stepped back slightly.

"Okay, little one, settle down," I said soothingly. "First of all – good morning, you look hot..." she blushed slightly, "and second of all, the only action going on in this bed last night was me whupping your brother's ass with the word 'cocksucker' on a triple-word score." I looked triumphantly at Edward. "Kapow, Cullen! I totally pwned you!"

Edward rolled his eyes and coughed/said, "You snore!"

Alice relaxed slightly in my arms. "So you didn't..."

"No."

"And he didn't..."

"Not that I'm aware of, but he is a filthy perv so I wouldn't put it past him."

"Oh thank God!" she exclaimed as she sat down on the bed. "The one thing that would completely ruin our continued domestic bliss would be you two getting all...groiny with each other."

*plink*

The letter 'Q' bounced off the side of Alice's head. She whipped around and squinted at Edward who held his hands up innocently and pointed to me.

"Child," she said petulantly.

I giggled quietly to myself.

Alice sprang off the bed and grabbed my arm. "Okay, you two, into the living room. We have lots to get through today."

Edward flopped off the bed, and padded behind us.

Alice pushed me gently into the sofa, and pushed Edward down beside me. The coffee table was set with tea, coffee, breakfast pastries and a large fruit platter. On the other side of the table, the armchair had been pushed aside and a large, white projection screen stood in front of a digital projector. Alice poured us both coffee, and motioned for us to take something to eat from the table. We both reached for a glazed doughnut. Alice raised her eyebrows. We put down the doughnuts and grabbed some fruit. Alice smiled.

"Okay," she said excitedly, "now that Bella has officially joined Team Cullen, I thought I would take this opportunity to explain how this will affect our everyday modus operandi, and how her specific duties will relate to certain events."

She clicked something in her hand and the screen came to life. It read,

"**Bella Swan** –

_Chaperone, Public Relations Manager, and Pretend Girlfriend Extraordinaire."_

Alice beamed at us. Edward and I looked at each other in horror.

Now," Alice continued, "This is how I see Bella's duties being divided."

The screen continued to change, bringing up slides to reinforce what she was saying.

"Firstly, Chaperone duties," she said seriously. "Bella will accompany Edward during his everyday appointments and events. This may include, but not be limited to - interviews, press conferences, album signings, televised performances, and liaisons with The Screamers."

A slide of screaming girls came on the screen. I snorted with laughter. Edward gave me a death stare. I popped a piece of melon in my mouth and chewed quietly.

Alice continued. "While most appointments will only require Bella's moral support, occasionally it may be necessary to participate in a more pro-active role. In these situations, Bella, you will have a list of prepared statements that you can make on Edward's behalf should he fall to pieces, throw a tantrum, or disappear to facilitate screwing miscellaneous groupies and skanks."

"Alice!" Edward protested loudly.

"Edward," Alice said patiently. "I'm not saying that it's going to happen, I am simply devising a contingency plan to cater to your naturally high FUF."

I frowned at Edward. "FUF?"

"Fuck Up Factor," he growled.

"Moreover, Edward," Alice continued, "Even though I expect that you will be respectful of Bella's role in guiding you through all public relations encounters, you may not get out of said encounters simply because you 'don't feel like it.' If those fucking words ever come out of your mouth, I give Bella whole-hearted permission to soundly, and severely, kick your ass."

I started to giggle, but on seeing Edwards glower, I quickly turned it into a coughing fit.

_Geniu_s_ Swan! That worked brilliantly!_

He turned to glare at me.

_Maybe not._

Alice clicked her button again and a cartoon caricature of me appeared on the screen. My eyes widened.

"Geez, Alice," I said in wonder. "You have a very warped sense of the size of my tits. Those things are enormous."

Alice looked at the screen and then back to me. "Actually Bella, it's a pretty accurate representation of how you will look when you start wearing these kick-ass push-up bras I picked up for you this morning."

She reached under the coffee table and threw a large bag of underwear at me. Edward snorted.

_Good one Alice. Not embarrassing at all._

"Now, during all faux-girlfriend encounters, I have a few strict ground rules that MUST be followed."

She clicked again and the words, 'Acceptable Touching' appeared above my character's head.

"Acceptable touching in these encounters can include the following body parts..." from nowhere she produced a laser pointer and began highlighting various parts of my 2D anatomy, "Hands, shoulders, waist, knees and feet. Kissing should be kept to a minimum, but if absolutely necessary must be limited to the cheek, forehead, and hands. Kissing on the lips is discouraged, but if called for, the kisses should be chaste, and with a closed mouth."

Another click. This time a cartoon Edward appeared on the screen next to my cartoon Bella. My eyes bugged out of my head.

"Um...Alice?" I said shakily. "Have you got some push-up undies over their for Edward, because...whoa!"

Edward dropped his head in his hands and groaned softly.

Alice looked at the cartoon Edward and smirked at me.

"I can assure you, Bella, that the proportions of my brother's...avatar are not an exaggeration."

_Well hellooooo Mr Cullen._

"Which brings me to my next subject." *click* "Unacceptable Touching. This covers a wide range of actions that are strictly forbidden, including, but not limited to: licking, sucking, rubbing, riding, writhing, pumping, tasting, clenching, spanking, humping, fingering, fellating, and, of course, fucking."

She raised her eyebrows at us.

"Questions?"

I shook my head numbly. Edward dropped his head into his hands and groaned again.

"Terrific, great to see we're all on the same page. I realize that these measures may be extreme, but I would like our association to remain respectful, professional, and controlled at all times, and that just can't happen if you two are exchanging bodily fluids. Do I make myself clear?"

She fixed us with her laser-beam stare.

"Yes, Alice," we both mumbled softly.

"Now that's out of the road, let's formalize this whole thing."

She reached behind the screen and brought out two folders which she handed over to us. She gave us each a pen.

"Inside you'll both find a contract which basically cements the subjects we've covered today. Bella, your contract includes your weekly wage, daily expense account, and company credit card that will be used to buy...stuff." She got a wicked gleam in her eye. "Lots and lots of stuff."

She cleared her throat and continued.

"Edward, your contract basically states that you will keep your dick in your pants AT ALL TIMES, and your filthy man-whore hands to yourself. Okay, so please sign where indicated, and hand back to me."

We did as we were told and she stuffed the folders into her pink-leather brief-case.

"Excellent. And now, because you two have been such good students, I've arranged a field trip." She clicked off the projector and grabbed our hands, leading us out into the hallway.

"Alice!" I hissed. "We're wearing pajamas!"

She continued to the elevator.

"Don't worry honey," she said smoothly. "No-one is going to see you."

The lift opened and an elderly couple looked us over with disapproval.

"Well, hardly anyone," Alice said under her breath as she dragged us inside.

She pressed the button for the top floor and the doors closed. I looked around at the old couple. They were both staring at Edward.

"You're that singing fella from the TV, aren't ya?" the old man said.

Edward shuffled his bare feet nervously. "Um...yes...I suppose I am," he said timidly.

"My grand-daughter loves you," he continued. "Thinks you're the best thing since sliced-bread."

Edward smiled coyly. "Well thank you..."

"Never understood it myself," the old guy said gruffly. "I always thought you looked like a bit of a pervert."

I leaned over to the old man as the doors opened at their floor. "You have NO idea," I whispered, conspiratorially.

As the old man stepped out, he turned to give Edward a massive stink-eye. We all burst out laughing.

**EPOV**

We were still laughing when the elevator reached the top floor. We stopped laughing when the doors opened.

In front of us was the most incredible penthouse I had ever seen.

Alice us dragged us forward and started showing us around.

"Okay, so this is the new Cullen headquarters," she said excitedly. "I went down last night to try and organize a separate suite for Bella, and the manager said that he would be _honored_ if we used the penthouse. Isn't that great?"

She looked at us both excitedly.

I turned to Bella. She wasn't moving. Hell, I don't even think she was breathing.

"Swan!" I said loudly. She turned to me with a glazed expression. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," she breathed, dreamily. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I think I just peed my pants a little."

I laughed out loud.

"Nothing unusual there, Piss-Girl."

Alice proceeded to show us through the rest of the massive apartment – kitchen, living area, music room, library, three bedrooms, three bathrooms, and an incredible infinity pool on the spectacular roof-garden.

_Not bad, little sister, not bad at all._

"Okay, you guys," Alice chimed after the tour. "Go get cleaned up. You'll both find fresh clothes in your bedrooms, and then meet me back here for what I have officially named 'Alice's Day of Awesome Fun.'"

Bella and I looked at each other quickly, before running to our bedrooms like little kids.

Half an hour later we met Alice back in the living room where she had set up a huge range of activities.

We started with Guitar Hero.

Alice played it on easy, preferring dancing and strutting to actually getting the notes right. Bella was slightly braver, and tried the medium setting. She giggled furiously at first, when she couldn't co-ordinate her fingers, and got booed off-stage, but she stayed with it and eventually got pretty good.

"Are you sure you haven't played this before, Swan?" I teased as she nailed a particularly hard solo.

"Why do you ask, Cullen?" she said, as she unleashed her star power. "Worried that you might be the only musical genius in the room?"

"Hardly," I laughed. "You realize that you're not actually playing a musical instrument, right?"

The song finished and the words, 'YOU ROCK!' flashed up on the screen.

"Well," she said as she handed the guitar controller to me, "I did play the piano as a kid. Maybe that's where my brilliance lies."

"You like the piano?" I asked, bemused.

"No, I don't _like_ the piano," she said sarcastically. "I _looooooove_ the piano. It's the one thing I'd love to master. It kind of shits me that you play so well actually."

"Wow, Swan," I teased as I lifted the guitar strap over my head. "I've never met a girl before who had _pianist_ envy."

Her mouth dropped open, and she started to laugh.

"Okay," she conceded. "I'll pay that one, you funny fucker."

"Swan!" I said in mock horror. "I'll have you know there is NOTHING funny about the way I fuck."

Suddenly the room got very quiet.

_God, Cullen, could you BE more of a dick?_

I looked at Bella. She had the strangest expression on her face.

"Just play your damn song, Edward," Alice groaned impatiently.

I had totally forgotten she was there.

The rest of the day passed in much the same fashion. We played games and laughed, ordered room service for lunch, and in the afternoon the girls disappeared into Alice's bedroom for manicures and facials, and I retreated to the music room.

I let my fingers roam across the keys, picking out different chord progressions and cadences. I found myself thinking of Bella's face as I played a delicate ballad. I closed my eyes, and I could almost smell her next to me.

_God, I'd love to bury my head in her hair, and just...sniff. _

My eyes flew open.

_Was sniffing banned? _

I sifted through my memories of Alice's lecture - definitely no licking, sucking, rubbing, riding, writhing, pumping, tasting, clenching, spanking, humping, fingering, fellating, or fucking.

_Sniffing isn't on the list! _

_Most excellent._

I started playing again.

_There's nothing like a contractual loophole._

**BPOV**

It had been an incredible day, and after we had ordered a huge room-service dinner, we had all settled in the living room to watch a movie.

Alice stretched out on the couch, resting her head in my lap, and Edward sat in the armchair nearest the flat-screen.

I didn't really register what movie we were watching. I stroked Alice's hair, absently, as I marveled at the day I just had.

Everything had changed so quickly.

I looked down, and saw that Alice had fallen asleep. She looked so serene and peaceful.

I continued stroking her hair as I gazed over at Edward. He was focused on the TV and his brow was furrowed very slightly in concentration.

_My God, he is so beautiful._

I wondered idly if his hair would be the same consistency as Alice's – impossibly soft, and silky. I resisted the urge to reach out and stroke it.

_Hang on a minute. Was stroking on the list?_

I mentally ticked off each one of Alice's taboos.

_Nope, stroking was definitely NOT on the list. _

_Silly girl, Alice. _

_Lucky Bella._

I turned to stare at Edward again. Definitely better than any movie ever made.

He suddenly turned and met my gaze and my heart beat faster.

"Um...it looks like Alice's Day of Awesome Fun has come to an end," I whispered as I gestured to the sleeping pixie.

Edward looked at her lovingly.

"We should probably get her into bed," he said softly.

He came over and slipped his arms underneath her. As he lifted her, I walked ahead and turned down the bed. He placed her gently between the sheets and tucked her in. She sighed softly, and rolled over as he kissed her tenderly on the cheek. We walked quietly out of the room and closed the door.

He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.

"Well, I guess we should call it a night. I'm sure that Alice will be cracking the whip bright and early in the morning."

I nodded.

"Yep. I'm going to have my work cut out for me, trying to keep up with that one."

He laughed softly and put his hand on my shoulder.

"If anyone can do it Swan, you can." A lump rose in my throat, and I quickly looked away. "Bella?" I could hear the concern in his voice. "What's wrong?"

I looked up at him, and suddenly I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face.

"Nothing," I said softly. He took me in his arms and pulled me close. "Nothing's wrong at all," I cried. "For the first time in my life everything is right. Being here. Alice. You. It's all so perfect that it's fucking with my head. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know? For someone to jump out of the bathroom and tell me that I'm being punked."

"Sshh, Bella," he soothed. "That's not going to happen. You're here, with us, for good."

I pulled away slightly so I could look up into his face.

"You don't understand," I said, unable to stem the floodgates of emotion. "You don't know how many times I _dreamed_ about this happening – and how many mornings I woke up, devastated that it wasn't real."

My breathing hitched as I tried to control myself.

"I don't want to wake up from this, Cullen. Don't let me wake up...please."

I buried my head in his chest and cried out three years of poverty, and deprivation, and humiliation, and loneliness. I cried for my non-existent childhood, and my mother's betrayal. I cried for the future that I never thought I would have, that now seemed so certain. And through it all Edward held me, and soothed me, and whispered to me that everything would be all right – and for the first time in my life, I believed that it would.

Finally, when there was nothing left, I pulled back and took his hands. I looked up into his eyes and saw such concern there, it nearly brought me unstuck again. I took a deep, hitching breath and tried to summon the words to tell this man how grateful I was for his grace, and friendship.

"Thank you," I said, raggedly.

He gently pushed a strand of tear-stained hair away from my face.

"No, thank _you_, " he said softly.

I reached up and hugged him tightly, gasping in surprise as I felt him push his nose into my hair and inhale deeply.

I pulled away quickly.

"Cullen," I said incredulously, "Did you just sniff me?"

He shrugged slightly.

"It wasn't on the list..."

I smiled gently and reached up, running my hands slowly through his hair. "Neither was that."

We smiled at each other before turning and walking toward our bedrooms.

"Goodnight, Bella," he said gently.

"Goodnight, Cull..." I stopped myself. "Good night...Edward."

We turned and looked at each other once more. And then we closed our doors.


	7. Pitypoison & Porn

**Chapter Notes**

**Firstly, thank you for your lovely reviews - I love each and every one of them. If you're reading this and you HAVEN'T yet reviewed, please now picture my sad face. It's pathetic let me assure you. **

**Much love to my amazing beta, Catty-Wan.**

****IMPORTANT: The time line of this chapter jumps around a little, so look out for the indicators.*****

**Enjoy.**

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**

**Chapter 7 – Pity-poison and Porn**

**TUESDAY 10.05am**

**BPOV**

I was staring into a pair of blazing green eyes, and I was scared. My blood pounded in my ears and I could feel my cheeks flush with fear.

Edward stood on the other side of the granite kitchen island, palms planted against the cold stone, fury in his face.

"I won't ask you again, Swan," he said roughly. "Put them on the bench...NOW."

He moved slightly to his left, stalking me. I countered to his right, always staying just out of his reach. I looked around. There was no-where for me to go. If only I could make it to the elevator...

He saw the direction of my gaze, and laughed bitterly.

"Don't even think about it Swan," he threatened. "There is no way you are getting out of here until I get what I want."

He stalked to the far end of the bench. I matched him on the opposite side.

My heart was beating fast in my chest, and I didn't dare take my eyes off him for a second. I knew he was probably athletic enough to leap this damn island in a single stride, and if he figured that out, then this was over.

"You are seriously FUCKING mistaken if you think that you're going to get away with this," he growled. "Now, you know what I want, and you know what I'll do to get it, so just stop being such a fucking bitch and GIVE UP!"

He lunged over the bench and tried to grab my arm. I ducked out of reach and raced toward the sliding glass door that led onto the balcony. I wrenched it open violently as I heard him grunt behind me.

I ran toward the edge of the deck as fast as I could, feeling him gaining, and screeched to a halt as I reached the glass and steel balustrade. I spun around and held up my hand, inches from his murderous face.

"STOP, RIGHT THE FUCK THERE, CULLEN!" I screamed, "or the cigarettes die!"

I thrust my other hand over the balcony, holding the mangled cardboard box with my thumb and forefinger.

Edward looked at my face in fury, and then looked at the cigarettes blowing gently in the breeze.

"You wouldn't dare," he breathed, menacingly.

I lifted my chin and gave him my best don't-fuck-with-me glare.

"Try me," I growled.

"Don't be a bitch, Bella," he said angrily. "Just give me ONE, for fuck's sake."

"And what happens after that one, Cullen," I challenged. "Maybe just one more? And one more? Huh? You KNOW how this works. It's all or nothing, that's why it's called an addiction."

"Haven't I given up enough?" he hissed. "Right now I could be stoned out of my brain, but I'm not. I could be passed out drunk, but I'm not. I could be fucking your brains out against the wall , BUT I'M NOT. All I want is ONE FUCKING CIGARETTE!"

He grabbed my hand and lunged for the carton – but it was too late.

He groaned loudly as he watched the pack of cigarettes twirl slightly in the breeze as it plunged thirty-five floors to the ground below. He dropped his head onto the steel railing and laced his hands behind his neck.

"FUUUUUUCK!"

I reached over and touched his shoulder, trying to soothe him. Or maybe I was trying to apologize. Jesus, I don't know. I just felt like I needed to touch him.

He tensed like I'd hit him with a cattle prod.

"If you know what's good for you, Swan," he hissed, "you will remove your hand...now."

There was something in the tone of his voice that disturbed me. I pulled my hand back.

He looked up at me and I shuddered.

His eyes were dark, but it was more than just anger. I tried to step away from him but he grabbed my wrist and closed the gap between us. He looked down at me with overwhelming need in his face and I was suddenly scared about what he intended to take from me.

I took in a hitching breath as his eyes raked over me and he pulled me closer.

_Edward, don't do this. Please._

Suddenly, a gust of wind blew my hair away from my face, and his expression changed.

He dropped my hand and strode toward the door, as I sighed in relief.

"Stay away from me, Swan," he growled as he passed.

"Edward?" I called in an unsure voice, still bewildered as to what the fuck had just happened.

He said nothing and kept walking.

"I'm sorry, Edward, but you know I'm doing this for your own good don't you?" I said as I tried to catch up with him.

"Back off, Bella," he said over his shoulder.

"That's not you talking, Cullen, it's the addiction!" I called desperately. I watched him stalk into his bedroom and slam the door.

And thus continued day two of Edward quitting cigarettes.

* * *

**TUESDAY 7.30am**

His spiral into evil Edward had began at breakfast when Alice had announced the schedule for today. It had all been peachy until she mentioned that we were due to have a meet and greet with The Screamers.

Edward immediately started getting antsy.

He got up from the table and strode into the living room. He looked around and sighed heavily.

He sighed as he walked past us and went into his bedroom. We could hear things being moved around and flung on the floor. Finally he came back to the table and said desperately, "Alice, have you seen my cigarettes?"

"Why yes, I have, dear brother," she said sweetly.

Edward looked at her.

She looked back.

He huffed in frustration.

She smiled.

"Alice, would you please _tell me_ where my cigarettes are?" he asked, feigning patience.

"Weeeell," said Alice, thinking hard. "Last time I saw them they were in itty-bitty pieces in the toilet bowl, right before I flushed them."

Edward's face turned crimson.

"You...what! You flushed...what the...why would you...I mean, Jesus!...what gives you the right...?"

"Settle down, honey," she soothed. "No need to have an apoplexy."

Edward's face contorted with rage.

"You...I can't believe...this is unbelievable...GOD!"

He stalked off into his room and slammed the door.

Alice winked at me cheekily.

"Wait for it," she whispered.

The door flew open and Edward strode over to Alice, his finger punctuating his words.

"What in the name of baby Jesus, gives you *_point_* the right to flush my cigarettes, Alice?" he bellowed. "MY cigarettes! *_point_* Not yours. *_point_* MINE! *_point_* Christ, they're the only thing I have left Alice, and you *_point_* want to take them away? Un-fucking-believable!"

He ran his fingers angrily through his hair and fidgeted uncomfortably, before walking over to the armchair and flopping down with a groan.

Alice walked over to him and took his hand, stroking it tenderly. She knelt at his feet and looked up at him.

"Edward," she said calmly, "I know this is hard, and that you're probably feeling like shit right about now, but that's normal on the second day of withdrawal."

He blinked at her.

"What? What did you just say?"

"Edward," she said slowly. "I flushed your cigarettes yesterday morning, while you were in the shower." He looked confused. "Just before we started Alice's Awesome Day of Fun?"

His brow furrowed in concentration.

"Why do you think I planned all those activities? I was trying to keep you occupied, and relaxed, and happy. And it worked, because you didn't even look for your cigarettes. Not once."

"No..." he said in disbelief. "That can't be right..."

"It is right," Alice assured him. "You haven't had a cigarette in twenty-four hours, Edward, and you didn't even notice."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and drew in a shaky breath.

"Well I'm noticing now, Alice. Please...may I please have a cigarette?"

"Edward..."

"Alice," he groaned. "I need one. Please."

She stroked his hand.

"No."

He pulled his hand out of hers angrily, grabbing his hair with both hands and tugging on it.

"Why couldn't you discuss this with me?" he asked sharply. "Warned me at least? I'm not prepared for it, Alice! Mentally...physically...it's just not a good time to do this!"

Alice looked down.

"When would be a good time, Edward?" she asked softly. "When are you ever going to do this by yourself?"

He sighed heavily.

"Would tomorrow be good for you, Edward? Oh wait, you have that interview tomorrow, you'll be needing a few ciggies before that. What about next week? Oops, gotta perform on Saturday Night Live, not a good time to go cold turkey. Next year? What about next year, Edward? Oh wait, that's what you said last year, isn't it?"

"Jesus Christ, Alice!" he yelled. "It's not fucking heroin, it's nicotine! It's not as though I'm not doing something that millions of people do every day? I'm a grown man for Christ's sake! Don't you think I have the right to decide what I do and don't put in my body?"

"It's not about that, Edward, and you know it," she said quietly.

They stared at each other. Seconds passed. Eventually, Edward looked away.

"Edward,"she said softly. "You are the most important person in my life. I know you can do this."

He looked back to her with sadness in his eyes.

"I wish I had your faith."

I saw something pass between them and I suddenly regretted being an only child. These two would do anything for each other.

I suddenly felt like I was intruding on their very private moment.

"Um...guys?" I said hesitantly. They both looked over. "I'm going to go out for a while. Can I get you anything?"

Alice stood up and grabbed a piece of paper off the table. She handed it to me and gave me a sad smile.

"Could you pick up a few things for me?"

I looked at the list, then looked at Edward.

"Sure," I said softly. "I'll be back soon."

I walked into the elevator, and turned to see Alice walk over and stand in front of Edward. As the door closed I saw him reach out and pull her into a hug. She returned it, fiercely.

I couldn't be sure, but I think they were both crying.

* * *

**TUESDAY 9.15am**

When I got back, Alice met me as I exited the elevator.

"Hey," she said warmly as she pulled me into a hug.

"Hey, yourself. Is everything okay?"

She pulled back and nodded.

"Yeah, he's lying down. He'll be fine...eventually."

"How many times have you gone through this?" I asked gently.

"This would be number four." She looked up at me. "It's going to get worse before it gets better Bella, you know that right?"

I sighed.

"I do now."

"Can you handle it?"

"I think so." I looked over at the closed bedroom door. "Alice, why is he struggling so much with this? I mean surely it was harder to give up drugs. Shouldn't this be easy for him?"

She grabbed the shopping bags from me and we sat at the table.

"This isn't just about an addiction to nicotine, Bella," she said. "This is about him being unwilling to let go the last of his dependencies. For so long they have insulated him from everything he didn't want to face. He has done amazingly well to come as far as he has, but this is the last thread that needs to be cut, and I think he's terrified that without that thread, he may fall back into everything he's worked so hard to get away from."

She started unpacking the products I picked up for her from the drug store.

"These will help him, physically. But it's the psychological addiction that will be the hardest to treat." She looked up at me and I saw tears in her eyes. "I'm so glad you're here with me."

I pulled her into my arms. "I can't imagine being anywhere else."

She squeezed me tightly.

"Bella, I need you to do something for me."

"Of course, Alice, anything."

* * *

**TUESDAY 9.45am**

**EPOV**

I lay on my bed and tried to sleep. Maybe if I managed to fall unconscious, time would pass quicker and this whole ordeal would be over.

I turned onto my side.

I flopped onto my stomach.

I turned to the other side.

_Crap._

I sat up and grabbed my guitar.

I started plucking out chords, but at the moment, even music pissed me off. I thrashed at the strings, furiously hoping that some heavy metal would relieve my frustration. It didn't.

I heard a small knock on the door.

If that was Alice I was going to have to buy a new guitar, because sure as shit, if she came near me right now, I would beat her to death with the one in my hands.

"WHAT?" I yelled at the door.

It opened slightly and Bella's head poked through.

"Hey Asstard," she said merrily. "Feeling up to some company?"

"For you Piss-Girl?" I smiled. "Always." I breathed deeply and sighed. Thank God I didn't have to murder my sister today.

Maybe tomorrow.

She bounded over to the bed with a huge paper bag and sat down. "So how's my favorite nicotine junkie feeling?"

I leaned on my guitar and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Well...I'm anxious, irritable, angry as hell, and I've considered about twenty-five ways to murder my sister and make sure her body is never found, so...as well as can be expected, I suppose."

She smiled wryly.

"Good to hear."

She crossed her legs underneath her and pulled the paper bag into her lap.

"What's in there?" I inquired.

"Oh this?" she said, surprised. "Well, I went down to the store and picked you up a few pounds of self-control. Now I couldn't afford the swanky German stuff, cause you know, that shit is expensive, but I got some pretty fresh domestic stuff and I think you'll like it."

"You're hilarious," I dead-panned.

"I know," she said smugly.

She pulled open the bag and started laying things out on the bed.

"Ok, so first of all, let's take care of those pesky nicotine cravings. I have patches. I have gum. I have lozenges. I have nasal spray and I have inhalers. Now we'll put a patch on immediately and that will give a slow release of nicotine over about four hours, but if you need an extra little somethin'-somethin', then you can use the other products to give you a top-up hit that will last about thirty minutes."

She opened one of the boxes and pulled out a patch, then she crawled over to me and grabbed my arm and tugged on my t-shirt.

"Pull up your sleeve."

I yanked my sleeve up to expose my shoulder. She peeled the sticky backing off the patch and pressed it against my skin, then she rubbed it with the flat of her hand, smoothing it down.

_Ahhhhh, shit._

Her touch felt amazing.

For the first time today I didn't feel like I wanted to peel off my skin and scare small children.

_Please don't stop touching me, Bella._

She pulled away - _Damn you Swan!_- and scooted back to her bag of tricks.

"Okay, so, I wasn't sure what your preferred brand of pity-poison was, so I got an assortment. We have: candy, chocolate, cookies, cake and ice-cream. Now, you know I have mad dessert skills, and if you request it, I will combine ALL of these ingredients in one totally kick-ass confection that would probably put you in you into a diabetic coma for several days, thus circumventing a large portion of your withdrawal whining."

I struggled to contain a laugh. "That is very thoughtful of you."

"You know me Cullen," she smiled. "Thoughtful is my middle name."

A look of confusion crossed my face. "I thought your middle name was Piss-Girl?"

"Don't go there, bitch," she warned. "Just because I have to feel all sorry for you and shit, does not mean I will not go you with a knife if you say that again."

"Oooh...scary street girl threatening to kick my ass? Kinda hot, Swan."

She giggled.

_Love that sound._

"Fuckin' A," she said proudly.

She reached back into the bag.

"Now...um...I wasn't sure what sort of stuff you...liked...in regard to...um...taking yourself in hand, so once again, I got a selection and hopefully something will...snap your cracker."

She pulled out a large stack of magazines.

I looked at the top one.

"Busty Babes."

My eyes bugged out of my head. She noticed.

"Look I just figured that you need a way to deal with your anxiety at the moment because otherwise, I fear for Alice's safety, and I figured that these might help you to...relieve yourself."

I struggled to speak.

"You...bought me...porn?"

"And lotion!" she said gleefully as she pulled a small tube from the bag.

_My God, this is the most amazing woman on the PLANET!_

I seriously had to suppress a massive urge to propose to her on the spot.

"Thank you Bella," I said, warmly. "For the patches, the pity-poison and the porn." I looked at her and my heartbeat sped up. "Especially the porn."

She looked pleased with herself.

"You're welcome, Cullen," she said with a smile. "Just try to keep the volume down when you're shaking hands with Mr Happy. I don't need Asstard sex-noises keeping me awake at night."

She squirmed slightly and a bright blush lit her cheeks.

_Mmmmm...interesting._

"I wouldn't dream of subjecting you to my sex-noises, Swan," I breathed in a voice I knew got most women hot. "Unless, of course, you asked me very, very nicely."

The blush reddened.

_Man, that's sexy._

She squirmed again.

_Whoa, Cullen, look at what you're doing to her!_

She grunted and pulled at the groin of her jeans.

_Holeeee fuck._

She looked up at me and I attempted to compose my face. I had a bad feeling that I may have drooled, just a little.

"Sorry, Cullen," she said, embarrassed. "It's just that your sister insists on buying me the world's smallest g-strings" – _LOVING where this conversation is heading_ - "and they tend to be a tad uncomfortable."

_Take them off then! YOU NEED YOUR COMFORT! _

She stood up. "Do you mind if I just duck into your bathroom for a minute?"

_Hell, yes, I mind. Strip right here in front of me, goddammit!_

"Knock yourself out," I muttered.

The door closed behind her.

Suddenly the need to claw my skin off and kill small furry creatures was back.

Fuck I needed a cigarette.

_Hey...wait a minute. You had half a pack the other night in the alley with Bella. They were in your black jeans!_

Which pair of black jeans? I own like, six pairs.

_The black jeans that are in the hamper in the bathroom, dill-hole._

You mean to tell me I've been in purgatory all morning, and there were smokes in the bathroom this WHOLE time.

Dammit! If I could manage it right now, I would kick my own ass!

I got up and paced nervously, waiting for Bella to vacate my new favorite room. The door opened and she stepped out.

"All better," she sighed. "I had to send out a search party, but we got there in the end."

"Great," I said quickly as I pushed past her. "Step aside. Gotta pee."

I closed the door swiftly and yanked the lid off the hamper.

_T-shirt...T-shirt...boxers...BLACK JEANS_!

I patted the pockets. Nothing.

_KEEP LOOKING! _

_Boxers...hoody...socks...BLACK JEANS!_

I turned the pockets inside out violently. Nothing.

_Dammit_!

I looked into the hamper. There was was one lone sock at the bottom.

_They have to be here!_!

I grabbed both pairs of black jeans and nearly ripped them apart with the desperation of my search.

"COME ON, MOTHERFUCKER!" I hissed furiously. "Where the hell are you?"

I hadn't heard the door open but suddenly Bella was behind me.

"Looking for these?" she asked, disappointment coloring her voice.

I spun around and saw the object of my desire in her hand.

"How did you...?" I stammered.

"Alice," she said simply.

"When did you...?"

"Just before you came in."

"Tiny G-string story?"

"A clever ruse."

I growled like an animal.

I could smell the sweet tobacco I so desperately crave mere inches away. I moved forward, my gaze cemented to the battered cardboard pack.

Bella backed up, seeing the determination in my eyes.

"Edward," she said carefully. "Don't be stupid. If you smoke these now then you'll be back at square one. Don't do that to yourself. Alice will be home soon and she will throw a complete shit-fit if you even touch these."

I barely heard her. My brain was trying to claw its way out of my head to get to the delicious smokey goodness contained in those tiny white tubes.

As I got closer, the scent filled my senses.

"Bella," I said in a low voice. "Give me the cigarettes."

She took another step back, alarm lighting her eyes.

"Edward, come on," she pleaded. "It isn't worth it."

She had obviously never had an addiction in her life. When I wrapped my lips around that cigarette and inhaled the fragrant smoke into my screaming lungs, it would be totally worth it.

I eased forward again, desperation blasting through my body like gunpowder. I tried to not scream at her like a crazy person. It wasn't easy.

"Bella, just give me the pack and leave the room. Alice will never find out."

"Of course she'll find out," she scoffed. "You can't hide anything from Alice."

We were back in the bedroom by now. I looked at Bella, eyes wide, glancing nervously around the room.

"_God, having her would almost be better than the cigarettes," _whispered the dark voice inside me_._

I pushed the thought aside. I would not hurt Bella just to satisfy my fucked up needs. I'd get the cigarettes, and that would be enough.

_Would it Cullen? Look at her. You've been thinking dirty little thoughts about her for days now. How good would it be to have HER, and THEN have the cigarettes?_

I slowly advanced on her, trying to push down the seductive images of her naked...begging me...

"Bella," I growled. "This is the last time I'm going to say it. Put down the cigarettes and leave the room, or one of us is going to regret it."

She backed up toward the door.

"Edward, don't be ridiculous," she stammered. "You wouldn't hurt me over a stupid pack of smokes."

_Who said anything about hurting you, Bella? I'd just fuck you until you saw the face of God. And right now, that stupid pack of smokes is the only thing standing between you and the desperate crazy man inside me who wants his pleasure wherever he can get it._

"Okay, Edward," she said gently. "Here...you can have them."

_Good choice, Bella, for both of us._

She held the pack up in her hand.

"Think quick!" she yelled, pitching her hand forward.

I looked behind me to see where the pack landed.

It didn't.

I looked back to see her running into the kitchen.

_Fuck!_

I growled in frustration and ran after her. She rounded the corner of the kitchen island and turned to face me.

I planted my hands on the cold granite, desperately trying to suppress the rage and insanity that was filling my head.

I needed to end this, and soon. My control was slipping and I knew what I was capable of if I didn't hold on.

"I won't ask you again, Swan. Put them on the bench...NOW."

I moved to my left but she mirrored me. I saw her glance at the elevator.

"Don't even think about it, Swan. There is no way you are getting out of here until I get what I want."

The madman inside was speaking my words and thinking my thoughts. I looked at Bella and his desperation flared.

_Take it all, Cullen – her, the cigarettes - you know that you want to._

I kept moving forward, unable to stop him from taking over.

"You are seriously FUCKING mistaken if you think that you're going to get away with this," I growled. "Now, you know what I want, and you know what I'll do to get it, so just stop being such a fucking bitch and GIVE UP!"

I lunged at her, but she dodged and raced toward the balcony. I sprinted after her, but just as I was about to pounce, she stopped.

"STOP, RIGHT THE FUCK THERE, CULLEN! Or the cigarettes die!"

I saw her dangle the packet over the edge and the crazy man inside screamed in frustration.

"You wouldn't dare," I challenged.

She stared me down. "Try me."

I groaned.

I needed them.

I needed something, anything.

My need crawled around inside me like a nest of angry spiders.

I clenched my hands into fists and glared at her.

"Don't be a bitch, Bella. Just give me ONE, for fuck's sake."

"And what happens after that one, Cullen," she asked sarcastically. "Maybe just one more? And one more? Huh? You KNOW how this works. It's all or nothing, that's why it's called an addiction."

"Haven't I given up enough?" I hissed, the crazy man was screaming in frustration. "Right now I could be stoned out of my brain, but I'm not. I could be passed out drunk, but I'm not. I could be fucking your brains out against the wall , BUT I'M NOT. All I want...is ONE FUCKING CIGARETTE!"

l grabbed her and felt my fingers brush the precious cardboard before it plunged over the edge.

I watched the pack float to the ground as the madman hissed in my brain.

_There's only one thing you can do now, boy._ _And she fucking deserves it after what she just did._

I dropped my head and tried to ignore the tantilizing voice.

"FUUUUUUCK!"

I felt her touch my shoulder and the madman roared to life.

_She wants it, Cullen._ _Grab her._ _Take her._ _You'll feel better then._

I felt the heat of her touch pulse through my body. The madman smiled.

I summoned every ounce of my control to resist him.

"If you know what's good for you, Swan, you will remove your hand...now."

I felt her hand lift and the heat disappeared. The madman screamed. My control snapped and I grabbed her roughly.

I couldn't stop myself.

I was weak.

I looked into her face, and her eyes held fear.

The madman didn't care. He was selfish. He wanted his fix. He pulled her closer. The heat engulfed me.

Suddenly and thankfully, a cold breeze hit me.

I gasped.

_What the fuck am I doing?_

_Get away from her._ _Now._

I let go of her wrist and fled, getting as much distance between us as possible The madman was back in his cage, but I didn't know for how long.

"Stay away from me, Swan."

"Edward?" she said with concern in her voice.

I knew I had frightened her but I couldn't deal with it right now.

"I'm sorry, Edward, but you know I'm doing this for your own good don't you?"

I could hear her following me.

_Does this girl have a death wish?_

"Back off, Bella," I warned.

"That's not you talking, Cullen, it's the addiction!" she called.

I slammed the door behind me and picked up the magazines and the lotion.

The madman wasn't going to get to have his wicked way with Bella today and he was making me suffer because of it.

Well, fuck him.

He would just have to accept a goddamn substitute.

* * *

**TUESDAY 11.55am**

**BPOV**

It was nearly lunchtime. I hadn't seen Edward for hours, but maybe that was a good thing.

Jesus, that boy was a hat full of crazy at the moment.

I could only imagine what he must have been going through, though. This was the third addiction he was trying to conquer, for God's sake – that would make the Dalai Lama go apeshit.

Alice had called from her office to remind me that we had to meet The Screamers at twelve-thirty, and to re-assure me that Edward would be MUCH calmer by the time that happened. I'm not sure how she knew that but I knew better than to disbelieve her.

At noon I knocked on Edward's door.

"Come in."

I entered and found him sitting on the bed, gently strumming his guitar. He was humming softly and the sound of his voice did very strange things to my girl-parts.

He stopped playing and looked up at me, embarrassment crossing his face.

"Bella," he said slowly, "about this morning..."

"Forget about it, Cullen," I said quickly. "I understand. I know it must be hard for you to..."

_Hang on. There was something different about him. _

_Let's see – relaxed demeanour, slightly flushed cheeks, just-fucked hair, empty lotion bottle on the night stand. _

I gasped.

"Cullen! Have you spent the entire morning pleasuring yourself shamelessly?"

He looked down.

"Um...not exactly. There was a little bit of shame."

_Holy Crap._

Even though the thought of it made me blush, I was proud of him. I loved a man who wasn't too proud to take matters into his own hands.

I flopped down on the bed excitedly.

"Good for you! It seems to have worked. Are you feeling better?"

He looked up and smiled.

Dear God.

_Too sexy Cullen, dial it down a bit._

"Much better," he breathed.

_Okay, change the subject, Swan, or you are going to get yourself into hot water...preferably with Edward...and a distinct lack of clothing._

"So how many times did you pop?"

_Bella_! _What part of the statement "change the subject" did you not understand?_

He laughed and ran his fingers through his hair. Fingers that were, until recently, wrapped around his hard, throbbing...

"Swan, you do not want to know," he sighed.

_Yes I do!_ _Please God let him tell me!_

"Whatever, Edward," I said casually. "If you're too ashamed to tell me then that's fine, I understand."

He looked down at the bed.

"Eight."

_I'm sorry, I think I misheard. Did he just say 'eight'?_

I suddenly forgot how to breathe.

"Eight?" I wheezed in disbelief. "How...how is that even possible?"

He looked up at me from beneath his lashes.

_Oh. I think I may have popped just looking at him._

"I had a lot of tension to...relieve, Swan."

His eyes darkened as he looked at me. "You have no idea."

* * *

**A/N**

**Eight times? Cullen is a legend!**

**Drop me a line and let me know how many times you've popped in a single session. Inquiring pervs need to know.**

**Love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	8. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**Chapter Notes**

_**Ok, so this chapter is more than twice as long as the other chapters, but still the same low price! What incredible VALUE! Please pay by submitting one kick-ass review (if you like it of course. If you don't like it, well, there's nothing I can do about that, now is there?) **_

_**My undying gratitude goes out to my own personal guru and one of the funniest bitches on the planet - my Beta and friend - Catty-Wan. You are pure awesomeness. **_

_**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight and a whole bunch of other cool-ass stuff that I never will. I own a perverted compulsion to take Edward & Bella to hell and back, with a few fun stops on the way.**_

_**Enjoy.**_

_**

* * *

**_

**Chapter 8 – One Step Forward, Two Steps Back**

**BPOV**

"Alright you two, listen up," said Alice authoritatively.

Edward and I were sitting on the couch as she paced in front of us like a tiny, scary Sergeant Major. I was in a fluffy robe with large velcro rollers in my hair. Edward had made a smart-ass comment earlier about me looking like Sputnik, for which he received a very nasty wet-willy.

Alice stopped pacing and fixed us with an intense gaze.

"As we all know, in approximately one hour, we will be attending one of the most valuable networking opportunities in our social calendar. It's an important night for Team Cullen, for several reasons. First of all, every mover and shaker in the L.A music industry will be there, and with Edward's new album coming out next month, we need to seriously impress these people. Secondly, this is the first public event Edward has attended since quitting the cancer sticks, so I expect tensions to be high."

Since quitting a week ago, evil-Edward had gradually disappeared. He was still anxious and irritable, but countless nicotine patches and six bottles of lotion had helped take the edge off. He had, however, replaced the smokes with two new compulsions – touching his hair obsessively, and biting his fingernails. Even now as he listened to Alice he was making a snack of his thumbnail. Alice noticed and slapped his hand away.

"Now, Edward, these people need to think that you are a cool, calm commodity who has his shit together, so for God's sake, whip out some acting ability and keep your damn hands away from your mouth."

Edward froze just as he was about to start on his pinky finger. He sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his hair instead.

"Now," Alice continued, "this is the first time Bella will have to fulfil her role as Edward's girlfriend, and Bella you have several objectives that you will need to achieve. One – keep him away from the bar. I'm not concerned about him falling off the wagon, but he tends to sulk at these events and that inevitably leads to him crawling into a corner and becoming soul-mates with the nearest drinks-jockey."

"I do not sulk, Alice," he said petulantly.

Alice ignored him and continued.

"Two – run interference with the various groupies, skanks, cougars and lunatics that will no doubt try to drag my brother into the nearest broom closet and ride him like a pony."

Edward glared at her.

"Alice could you PLEASE give me a little credit."

"Darling brother," she said patiently, "I have the utmost faith in you. However, I know that if these shameless hussies get close enough to touch your junk, you will crack like an egg. Ergo, Bella has permission to tackle, hog-tie or bitch-slap anyone who even looks at you in an inappropriate manner. Okay?"

Edward shrugged. "Whatever."

"Lastly, Bella, you are required to soothe, cajole, threaten or beat my brother into _working that damn room._ In your purse you have a list of the people he MUST talk to and I have given you a short bio and photograph of each of them so you can stop the conversation from dying in the ass if Edward gets bored. Is that clear?"

"Ma'am, YES, MA'AM!" I yelled enthusiastically.

Edward glared at me.

"Edward?" Alice said, turning her gaze to him. "Is that clear?"

"Yes, Alice," he sighed, "very clear."

"Good," she said, rubbing her hands together. "Now, Bella, your make-up is done and your hair just needs to be brushed out and sprayed. So, I need you in my bedroom in twenty minutes for dressing, styling and accessorizing. Edward, I need you to be dressed and back here in forty-five minutes. Your suit is hanging in your closet and please, try to do something with your hair."

He reached up and touched it, frowning slightly.

"Okay, I'm going downstairs to organize the limo and whip the photo-hounds into a frenzy about seeing Edward's new chippie for the first time.

"This is going to be such a great night!" she squealed as she got in the elevator and pressed the down button. "So, you two – please don't fuck it up."

The doors closed.

Edward and I breathed a sigh of relief. He immediately put a finger in his mouth and started chewing. I grabbed his hand and pulled it away.

"Stop that," I admonished. "You're going to make yourself bleed, and we all know how well I deal with blood."

I brought his hand close to my face and inspected the damage.

_Jesus_. _What a mess._

"Edward you have to stop doing this. Look at your poor fingers."

I traced my fingers gently over the mangled remains of his cuticles. He sighed and laid his head back against the couch.

"That feels nice," he breathed.

"How are you feeling?" I asked as I continued to stroke his ruined hands.

"Above average. I'm just not sure if I can do this, you know?"

"You can," I assured him. "Just be aware that your cravings may increase at the party because it's a social situation that your brain will link strongly with smoking. It's used to being stimulated by nicotine in that type of environment and will be craving the dopamine rush and accompanying euphoria accordingly."

Edward looked at me in wonder.

"What?" I said defensively. "Can't a girl Google?"

He smiled at me.

_So_ b_eautiful_.

"No, I'm just impressed, that's all. You know more about this stuff than I do."

"Edward, what kind of fake girlfriend would I be if I didn't try and help you, hmmmm?"

He gave me another breathtaking smile.

Of course, I neglected to tell them that prior to looking up nicotine addiction I had been googling his pretty face for over an hour. I was amazed at how many fan-sites were dedicated to him. I mean, I knew he was a star, but I didn't really understand how popular he was. Prior to meeting him in the alley that night, the only knowledge I had of him was what I had stumbled across in discarded papers and magazines – which wasn't much - and tonight, hearts were going to break all over the world when they saw the first photos of his new 'girlfriend'.

I shuddered slightly.

_Those girls are going to tear me apart._

I felt Edward's hand squeeze mine.

"You stopped," he said, looking down at his fingers. I turned his hand over and started stroking his palm and the pads of his fingers. They were hard and calloused, probably from playing the guitar, or 'relieving' his stress six times a day for the past week.

The second option was way hotter.

He sighed again and closed his eyes.

"How are _you_ feeling, Swan?" he asked softly.

"Weird," I answered honestly. "Cullen, do know that this is a night of firsts for me?" He turned to look at me and raised an eyebrow. "It's the first time I've had my hair and make-up done. I've never ridden in a limo, I've never worn a beautiful dress that cost more than most people make in a month, and please don't comment on how pathetic this is, but I have never...been to a cocktail party."

He lifted his head off the couch and leaned forward.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No. I never went to parties during high school and then...well...there were plenty of homeless shindigs but I always found the crowd very fake and snobbish."

He smiled sadly at me.

I stopped stroking.

"Don't give me that face, Cullen," I warned. "You know I can't stand pity-face." His face immediately went blank and his eyes glazed over. He drooled a little bit. "Better."

I started stroking again.

"You know, Swan, if you want me to get through this evening without freaking out, you're going to have to do that to my hand all night long."

"But, Cullen," I said, aghast, "what will happen when you have to pee?" The corner of his mouth turned up and he raised an eyebrow. "Oh stop that, you filthy perv!"

We both laughed. We were interrupted by Alice stepping out of the elevator.

"Bellaaaaa," she yelled. "Bedroom. Now."

I sighed and dropped his hand.

"Boss lady has spoken. See you soon."

He saluted.

As I walked into the bedroom and turned to shut the door, I could see that his hand was back in his mouth.

* * *

**EPOV**

I took my time showering and shaving as I mulled over what Bella had told me. Jesus, there was so much this girl had missed out on. It made me want to sit her down and write a list of all the things she had never done that most people took for granted. Then I would make sure that she got to do every single damn thing on that list.

I got dressed quickly. Alice had picked out a pale grey slim fitting suit, and a crisp white shirt.

I didn't look half bad.

_I'll give it to you, Alice, you know what works._

I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to tame my hair.

After a few minutes, I gave up.

_Fuck it._ _No matter what you do, it always looks like you've just crawled out of bed._ _Accept it._

I walked out into the living room and flopped down into the chair.I looked at my watch.

_And the girls should be making an appearance in three, two, one..._

Alice's bedroom door swung open and she and Bella stepped out.

_Oh.._._dear...God_.

I rose slowly to my feet, mouth open.

Bella was wearing a deep purple silk dress. It tied on her shoulders, and there was thick purple ribbon cinching her waist. The fabric flowed across her body like liquid. The dress stopped just above her knee and she was wearing silver stilettos. Her legs looked amazing.

"What do you think, Cullen?" she said with a smile. "Not too bad for a homeless girl, huh?"

She twirled in front of me, giving me the most tantalizing glimpse of thigh. I swallowed, hard. The side of the dress was cut low, revealing the soft curve of her breast.

_Fuck me sideways!_ _Is she not wearing a bra!_ Jeesuuuus_! _

"Edward?"

I suddenly realized I hadn't answered her.

Unexpectedly, I had lost the ability to string words together.

"You...well...you look...wow."

_Very smooth Cullen._ _Not at all awkward._

"All right, Shakespeare," Alice said abruptly, "settle the fuck down. So, you both know the drill. When we get to the lobby, big smiles, lovey-dovey – play nice with the paparazzi for a few minutes, then we'll jump in the limo and get going. Okay?"

"Uh-huh," I said dumbly, still unable to stop staring at Bella.

"Edward!"

I was startled by Alice clicking her fingers in front of my face.

"What?" I said impatiently, wanting to get back to my dedicated ogling.

"Grab you fake girlfriend and let's go!"

I took a deep breath and walked over to Bella.

"Sweetheart?" I breathed in the calmest voice I could muster. "Shall we?"

I offered her my hand.

"We shall," she said in a voice that made my pants suddenly too small.

We stepped into the elevator. As the door closed I was abruptly aware of how good she smelled. I leaned in slightly and inhaled.

_Holy mother of God._

I looked down at her. Her cheeks were flushed and..._oh dear Lord..._I could see her erect nipples through the flimsy fabric of her dress. I gripped the metal railing in the elevator painfully, trying to resist the urge to rip the damn dress off her then and there, and take her roughly in front of my sister.

I exhaled slowly, attempting to calm myself down.

This was going to be a long night.

* * *

**BPOV**

My pulse was throbbing – everywhere.

When I felt Edward lean forward and smell me, the most incredible rush of lust I had ever felt coursed through me. I felt my cheeks flush and my nipples harden, and I cursed Alice for convincing me to not wear a bra.

_Evil pixie!_

I glanced up at Edward.

_What the...?_

He was totally perving on my tits.

_That is so fucking hot!_

I looked at his perfect face. When I came out of Alice's bedroom earlier, and saw him standing there, I nearly fell apart. I have never seen a more beautiful specimen of a man in my entire life. He had shaved, and I realized I had never seen him without his sexy stubble. I desperately wanted to run over and lick his smooth cheek, but I quickly remembered that the last time I had done that to a man, it hadn't ended well.

I was pleased to see that my appearance affected him as well. After years of living in jeans and t-shirts I was surprised how comfortable I was in this amazing dress. I knew I looked good in it, and when I saw Edward's eyes darken and burn, I felt a very strange sense of power.

I don't think I'd ever felt sexy before.

I mean, I'd had sex. It was kind of inevitable in my former lifestyle. Sex was currency and power, and sometimes I had no other choice but to use it. I wasn't proud of that part of my past, but it had happened, and I certainly thought I understood my sexuality. But when I took one look at Edward tonight, I realized that I had never truly been aroused before. I mean, I'd felt desire, but it was like comparing a dripping tap to a raging flood.

Looking at Edward tonight made every fiber of my being pulse, and I needed to be close to him.

Now he was standing beside me, looking like a God and smelling like sex, and the only thing going through my brain was how amazing it would be if he ripped this damn dress off and took me roughly in front of his sister.

_Jesus, Swan, you are really sick._

The elevator stopped and Edward squeezed my hand. I looked up into his face and marveled at its beauty. I felt myself smile and he smiled back.

"Here we go, guys," I heard Alice say.

As the doors opened we were blinded by flashes. I put my hand over my eyes and gripped Edward's hand tighter. He eased me forward, gently, until we were standing in front of the waiting photographers.

"Relax, Bella," Alice hissed in my ear, "and pretend you're in love with my brother, godammit."

I watched nervously as Alice moved away from us. I looked up at Edward. He laced his fingers through mine and rubbed his thumb gently over my skin. My anxiety eased and my pulse raced. Our eyes locked and my breath caught in my throat as I saw him lean forward. I could hear flash bulbs firing all around me but all I could see was him.

My heart was thudding loudly and I watched, completely hypnotized as his beautiful mouth came closer to mine.

_Oh dear lord, he's going to kiss me._

I could feel his sweet breath on my face. His lips continued forward, but he bypassed my trembling mouth to lay a soft kiss on my blazing cheek. He leaned into my ear and breathed, "My God, Bella, you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

A chill ran up my spine. He pulled back slightly and looked into my eyes. I couldn't resist any longer, and I reached up and stroked his cheek. My fingers burned as I traced my fingertips around his ear and trailed them down his throat. I saw his eyes flutter slightly as his breathing became ragged. He reached out and cupped my face in his hand, grazing my cheek with his thumb.

"Just a few more, folks," I heard Alice yell, "and then we've got to go."

Edward smiled at me and snaked his hand around my waist.

"I think we gave them what they wanted, don't you?"

"And then some," I whispered raggedly.

* * *

**EPOV**

"Great job, you two." Alice said proudly as the limo sped off.

She was sitting next to Bella, fiddling with her hair. I was on the opposite side.

"I really thought it was going to be a complete disaster, but you both looked very convincing."

"Well, Alice," I said with a sigh, "it wasn't easy, but we did it, for you."

I caught Bella's eye and was pleased to see her draw in a sharp breath. Her eyes looked almost black in the dim light, and the way her mouth parted slightly when she looked at me made me throb uncomfortably.

_Okay, Cullen, you are going to go completely, flaming batshit if you don't get a hold of yourself!_

But I don't have any lotion...

_Jesus! Calm the fuck down. You are turning into a sexual lunatic. Stop looking at her and get yourself under control, or tomorrow's headlines are going to read 'Edward Cullen arrested for sporting massive wood in front of teenage fans!'_

I looked out the window and breathed slowly, trying to think of anything except the hotness that was Bella.

Finally we were walking into the party and Bella's mouth dropped open when she saw the magnificent room.

"Holy crap," she said softly as we entered. "Everything is so...fucking pretty."

I chuckled softly. "Swan, you really do have a way with words."

She looked up at me and smiled apologetically. "Shit, sorry."

"Don't apologize," I said as I bent to whisper in her ear. "I think it's hot."

She inhaled sharply and exhaled through her mouth.

"Cullen," she said in a low, sexy voice, "you are a very bad man, and you need to be punished."

"Looking forward to it, Swan," I said as I pulled her gently through the crowd, "looking forward to it."

"Knock it off, you two," Alice hissed as we walked. "That's some seriously good shit you're rolling out there and no-one is listening."

The rest of the night passed in a blur.

Bella was amazing.

She steered me toward all the people on her list, introducing us and starting up easy conversations. Whenever I felt my anxiety rising she would stroke small circles on my hand with her thumb, and I immediately relaxed. She was intelligent and funny and only once used the word 'fuck'.

Damn, I was proud of her. She charmed everyone she met, and impressed the hell out of me.

After a few hours I thought I'd better check in with my sister. I looked around and saw Alice across the room. She waved and beckoned me over. She looked very pleased with herself.

I slid my arm around Bella's waist and gestured to my adorable, insane sister.

"I think we're being summoned."

Bella looked over at Alice and smiled.

"I've really got to hand it to your sister, Cullen," she said with affection, as we moved toward her, "she may be intense, and a tad controlling..." – I snorted loudly - "Alright, a LOT controlling, but she obviously does all this because she loves you, and she wants you to be successful."

"Well," I said softly as I traced my fingertips down her arm and laced my fingers between hers, "She certainly knew what she was doing when she hired you."

A pink blush lit her cheeks and she smiled up at me. I stopped walking and turned her to face me.

"Bella, I just need to tell you that you have been absolutely amazing tonight. I didn't think there was a chance in hell that I would make it through this evening without turning into a gibbering maniac, but you? You pulled me through. And not only did I manage not to embarrass myself by being a moody asshole, I have actually...enjoyed myself."

She lifted our hands up between us and traced the veins in the back of my hand.

"You know, Edward, I've enjoyed myself too. All in all, you're a pretty spectacular fake-boyfriend."

I chuckled as I brought my other hand up to her face. I don't know what the hell I was planning on doing, but before I knew it I was tracing my thumb down to her soft lips and brushing against them.

Jesus. So soft.

Her eyes fluttered closed and a sweet sigh whispered across my hand.

God, I wanted her, and not in my usual fuck-them-and-leave-before-they-get-too-attached style either. I wanted something different with her. Something...special.

My other hand snaked around her waist and pulled her into me. She melted into me, and when our bodies connected, her eyes flew open and my own breath gushed out, startled by the heat our touch was generating.

"Swan..." I groaned darkly as her dark eyes raked across my face and came to rest on my mouth.

"Edward?"

I froze as an irritatingly familiar voice spoke my name.

_No, please God not her._ _Anyone but her._

I dropped my hand and we both turned to face the voice.

Yep, it was her.

Dammit all to hell.

Her eyes flickered from me to my fake girlfriend and her eyebrows furrowed.

"Isabella?" she said with disbelief. "Isabella Swan?"

* * *

**BPOV**

I couldn't believe who was standing in front of me.

_Tanya-fucking-Denali._

The most popular girl at my high school and grand priestess of all bitches.

"Hi, Tanya," I said evenly, "and the name's Bella, as you well know."

Edward's arm tightened around mine.

"You two know each other?" he asked in a slightly strangled voice.

"Oh yes," Tanya breathed dramatically. "Isabella and I went to high school together. We weren't exactly friends, but I knew who she was."

_Slight understatement, slut-bag._ _You not only knew who I was, you made it your mission to piss me off at least once a day for four fucking years._

She moved into Edward and ran her hand down his arm. "So, Edward, I haven't...seen you in a while. Not since Topher Grace's party last year." She raised her eyebrows at him. "Do you remember that party Edward?"

_Bitch, if you don't stop making eyes at my man I will take you down – hard._

Edward grabbed her hand and removed it. "Yes I do remember that party, Tanya, no thanks to you."

"Edwaard," she whined, "you're not still angry about that whole thing, are you?"

Edward laughed bitterly.

"Tanya, we were dating" - s_ay what now?_ - "and you knew how I was struggling with sobriety, and yet, in your infinite wisdom, you chose to spike my drink with a Quaalude, because you thought I was too uptight."

"I was only trying to help."

Edward ran his hand through his hair in frustration. I started tracing circles on his hand and he calmed slightly.

"Tanya," he said with infinite restraint, "here's a little tip for you to carry through the rest of your life – do not give recovering drug addicts DRUGS, okay? It DOES NOT HELP!"

She pouted slightly and turned her attention to me.

"Sooooo...how do you know Edward, Isabella?" she asked with mock indifference.

I smiled sweetly at her.

"Edward's my boyfriend, Tanya."

Her mouth dropped open and she quickly looked to Edward for confirmation.

Edward brought my hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

"Well, boyfriend seems like such a shallow word, honey," he breathed as he kissed my wrist. "I like to think of you as my lover, my soul mate, my Godess."

_Oh...oh...oh. I think I just came a little. That may be the sexiest thing a man has ever said to a woman in the history of the earth._

Tanya looked like she wanted to kill me.

"Wow...Isabella...who would have thought that geeky, skinny, accident-prone girl from high school would land the great Edward Cullen."

"Oh, she didn't land me," Edward said smoothly, "I pursued her for months before she agreed to go out with me. I was like a lovesick puppy – constantly sending her flowers and begging her to spend time with me. Eventually I think she just felt sorry for me, but I didn't care."

He turned to me and gave me a devastating smile. The muscles in my legs turned to jelly.

"And now, I'm just grateful for every day she lets me worship at her altar."

An hysterical giggle escaped my lips as his words burned into my brain. I knew that he was just fucking with Tanya, but that shit was too good to ignore. If we hadn't been standing in a room full of people I would have ravaged him on the spot.

Tanya smiled tightly. "Well, good for you."

Edward wrapped his arm around my waist. "And now if you'll excuse us Tanya, my sister is waiting."

As we walked away I leaned into him and whispered, "Cullen, have I told you lately what a spectacular human being you are?"

He smiled. "Not nearly enough Swan. Please feel free to remedy that."

As we reached Alice she enveloped both of us an a bone-crushing hug.

"You guys are the buzz of the room," she said proudly. "Edward, I have it on good authority that you could be up for a Grammy this year. How awesome would that be?" Her voice had become almost supersonic in her excitement. "Now, I know how hard you two have been working. Go and relax for a while. I just have a few more people to talk to and then we can go home. An hour, tops."

Edward steered me out onto the balcony, and I let the crisp night air wash over me. I walked quickly over to the railing and took in the magnificent view.

I breathed deeply and turned to face Edward. "So...you and Tanya Denali, huh?"

He cracked a crooked smile. "Yeah. It's not my proudest moment."

"How long did you date?"

He looked at me intensely, and chills ran up my spine. "Three months. Not that you could call it dating. There really wasn't that much going out in public."

My heart sank. "Of course you didn't. I mean, Tanya was always the most beautiful girl around, even if she was a complete bitch to me in high school."

I looked up and saw his eyes blazing.

"She bullied you?" he asked in a low voice.

"Well..."

I didn't know what to say. He was looking at me so intently.

"It was a long time ago," I mumbled, trying to diffuse his tension.

"Bella.."

"It doesn't matter, Edward."

"Yes, it does."

I could see how dark is eyes were in the dim light and it made my heart pound. He wanted me. I could feel it in the heat of the air between his body and mine.

"I feel very...protective...of you," he said softly, his eyes still blazing. "I don't know why."

I couldn't look away from him. Nobody had ever looked at me the way he was.

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

The silence was full of unspoken words and thick tension. The night air felt rough in my lungs.

I watched as Edward's jaw clenched strongly. He was breathing heavily and I could tell he was struggling with something.

"Ah, fuck it," I heard him mumble as he strode over to me and three long steps and took my face in his hands, pulling me against him as he took my mouth in his.

_Oh, Jesus._

My whole body buzzed with electricity as his lips moved over mine, and we both inhaled deeply, drinking in each other's scent. Our breathing became rapid as our bodies responded to each other. My brain exploded with pleasure as he sucked on my lower lip, and a low grown escaped me.

He groaned back and tangled his hands in my hair as his tongue pushed into my mouth, and my whole body lit up with lust as our tongues touched and sucked.

_Oh, God. We're breaking so many rules right now but it feels so amazing. So right._

Our mouths moved over each other hungrily and he growled as he pulled my body against his.

_Christ, he feels so good, but we have to stop._

I wrenched my mouth away and looked up at him.

"Edward," I panted. "We can't do this. Alice will kill us."

He grabbed the back of my head as he pressed me up against the railing and ground into me. My body flamed with desire. His mouth came down to mine again, kissing and sucking. I gasped for air.

He pulled away and looked down at me, his eyes unbelievably sexy and full of need. For me.

"Swan, do you really want to stop because of what Alice might think?" he rasped as he eyes scanned my face.

I ran my hand over his perfect features and traced his lips with my thumb. He opened his mouth and sucked my thumb into it.

_Fuuuuck. Wet, warm, Edward's mouth._

My eyes rolled back into my head.

"Alice who?" I wheezed.

I tangled my hands in his hair and pulled roughly. He groaned and suddenly his mouth was on mine again, robbing me of reason or sense. His hands trailed down my back and when they reached my ass he grabbed it firmly, pulling me hard against him and his erection. I gasped and he plunged his tongue further into my mouth.

"Ahem."

We both froze as we heard the familiar voice behind us, our mouths still open to each other, his hands still on my ass.

We turned slowly to see Alice standing in the doorway.

"That's enough relaxing for now I think," she said with scary intensity. "Edward, Michael Varner from Sony wants to have a quick word...and Bella, you'd better freshen up before going back in there. You look like Krusty the Clown, for God's sake."

She turned on her heel and went back inside.

Edward and I breathed heavily as we disentangled ourselves. He ran his fingers through his hair and I straightened my dress. We looked at each other and the the electricity that fired between us was scary-intense.

We sighed in unison and headed back inside.

"See you soon," he whispered with a smirk as he followed Alice.

I headed toward the bathroom.

When I got inside I checked my reflection.

_Oh_. _Not good._

My hair looked like Amy Winehouse on a bad day and my lips were swollen and smeared with lipstick. I fixed my face and hair quickly, wanting to get back to Edward.

_Swan, I would also advise that you seriously adjust the microscopic g-string you're wearing before it migrates into your uterus and is never seen again._

Right. Good idea.

As I closed the stall door I heard the outer door open, and two female voices floated through the room.

"Jesus Christ, what was he thinking?" _Tanya-fucking-Denali._ "I mean Isabella Swan was the most pathetic piece of shit at our high school. She moped around with a face that looked like a sack-full of assholes, and she was a complete hypochondriac. Always showing up with slings and bruises. I knew it was just a pathetic attempt to get attention."

Heat engulfed my face and every muscle in my body tensed.

"And do you want to know the worst thing? At the end of our senior year she totally tried to kill her father." _Step-father, idiott._ "I mean Jesus, what a fucking basket case. The poor man was in the hospital for months." _Good_. "She attacked him with his own baseball bat." My hands clenched into tight fists. "Then the fucking little coward ran off. Probably went and shacked up with some sleezoid, while her poor mother was worried sick."

I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed away images of my mother.

_Shut the fuck up ,Tanya, or I WILL hurt you. _

"So how did she end up with Edward Cullen?" the other voice asked.

"Fuck knows," Tanya spat. "But I can guarantee that Cullen is only in it for one thing. I mean the man is a whore. He loves the thrill of the chase, and the harder the target, the more satisfaction he gets. Believe me, I know. My guess is that little Isabella Swan is holding out on him. He loves that shit. But then, the moment he pops her, he'll be out of there like a rat from a sewer. I mean seriously, does she really believe a man like him could be interested in a pathetic loser like her? Can we say deluded?"

She started to giggle and I couldn't control myself any more. I slammed the stall door open and stepped out.

"Isabella!" Tanya exclaimed. "Well...I...um...I had no idea you were in there."

"Obviously," I snapped. "You know Tanya, you were a first-class cow in high school, but I always thought that as people got older, they grew out of those types of petty, immature behaviors. I'm really sorry that it didn't happen to you."

Her eyes flared with anger.

"Don't you dare feel sorry for me, Isabella Swan. You were a piece of shit beneath my feet in high school, and believe me when I say, nothing's changed. If you think you can hold onto a man like Edward Cullen, you're crazier than I thought."

She threw me a disdainful look and turned to leave.

"Oh, Tanya?" I said evenly. "Just one more thing."

She turned, and I punched her hard in the face.

"My name is Bella – bitch."

I stepped past her as she held her gushing nose. As the door closed behind me I could hear her screaming a string of obscenities.

I stumbled toward the bar.

"Give me a vodka and lime," I said roughly. "And some ice".

The bartender poured my drink and handed me some ice wrapped in a napkin. I mumbled my thanks and shoved it onto my rapidly swelling knuckles.

It wasn't the first time I had punched someone, but it was certainly the most satisfying.

I threw back my drink and ordered another. I felt the heat of the vodka spread as it went down and I tried to diffuse my fury.

_Who the fuck did she think she was? She didn't know the connection Edward and I had._

I downed the second drink and coughed as it burned.

If she did, she would know that it has nothing to do with sex.

_Doesn't it?_

No! We haven't even had sex yet.

_I think that was her point._

What, that Edward wants me because he can't have me, but as soon as he has me he won't want me anymore?

_It's_ _possible_.

Shut the fuck up! Whose side are you on anyway?

_Yours, but you have to consider the possibility that what he wants from you is purely physical. And what you want from him is..._

Forever...

"Give me another drink," I ordered the barman, "and keep them coming till I tell you to stop."

* * *

**EPOV**

I walked away from the Sony rep and scanned the room. Bella hadn't come back from the bathroom and I was starting to get nervous. I walked through the crowd and eventually spotted her over at the bar. I made my way over to her.

"Hey, I missed you," I breathed into her ear. She turned quickly and swayed a little before throwing herself into my arms.

"Eddie!"

I could smell the alcohol on her breath.

_Oh shit, Swan, what have you done to yourself?_

She wrapped one arm around my neck and gestured to the bartender with her drink, spilling it on the bar.

"Edward, I'd like you to meet my friend, Embry. Embry, this is my BOYFRIEND, Edward Cullen."

I reached out and shook the kid's hand, trying to hold Bella upright with my other arm.

"Do you know who he IS, Embry?" she slurred. "He's a BIG, BIG star. He's crazy talented, he looks like a fucking GQ model, and..." - she leaned close to Embry and whispered - "He smells like sex. And not just ordinary sex, Embers, I'm talking, hair-pulling, name-calling, spank-my-ass-and-scream-my-name type sex. Ya know what I'm saying?"

"Okay, Bella," I said gently, as I removed the half-empty drink from her hand and placed it on the bar, "party's over."

"What? Why? It's just starting to get good."

I looked around for Alice. She was standing a short distance away and I waved to her. She came over quickly.

"What the hell happened to her?"

"I don't know, but I think I'd better get her home before things go downhill."

Alice nodded quickly and pulled out her cell phone.

"I'll tell the limo to come around. You take her home. I've got a couple of more people to talk to then I'll get a cab."

"Thanks, Alice," I said as I kissed her on the cheek. "You're the best."

She kissed me back.

"You too, dear brother. Now get her home and put her to bed. And try to get her to drink some water."

I nodded and started easing Bella toward the exit. She wasn't making it easy. She kept turning around and throwing her arms around my neck.

The alcohol on her breath made me want to suck desperately on her tongue.

"Eddie? You are beautiful, do you know that? You are a beautiful man. But not in a poofy way, you know? In a manly way. In a sexy way."

I pulled her into the elevator and the doors closed. She collapsed against me and started playing with the buttons on my shirt.

"Edward, do you think I'm pretty?"

I laughed.

_Oh, if only she knew._

"Yes Bella. I think you're very pretty."

"You're pretty too," she breathed, looking up into my face and touching it clumsily. "You have a pretty nose, and a pretty mouth, and very pretty hair."

She ran her fingers through my hair and I groaned.

"Do you like it when I do that?" she asked in a low voice.

I felt myself get hard, despite the fact I was really fucking trying to not take advantage of the super-hot drunk-girl.

"Yes, Bella," said roughly, as her fingernails raked over my scalp. "I like that very much.

"What about when I do this?"

She stood on her toes and took my earlobe in her mouth.

_Jesus H._ _Christ!_

My breath rasped through my lungs.

"That's also good," I panted as my cock and the madman screamed at me to 'please-for-the-love-of-all-that's-holy-TAKE-ADVANTAGE-OF-THE-SUPER-HOT-DRUNK-GIRL!'

Her lips moved down my neck and she sucked on my throat. I grabbed the railing for support and whimpered slightly. "And that isn't too bad either."

Just then the doors opened and I pulled her forward into the street before things could go any further. There was a smattering of paparazzi waiting outside and they immediately started calling my name. I ignored them as I tried to steer Bella toward our waiting limo.

"Hey, fellas!" she yelled cheerily and she waved. "Have you met my boyfriend? Not my fake-boyfriend mind you cause...pfft...that would be silly, right? I mean, who would agree to do something like that?"

The driver opened the door and I guided her toward it.

"And do want to know something else? My Edward is hung like a fucking STALLION!"

_Oh Christ, Bella, shut the fuck up!_

"Not that I've seen it mind you. But I've heard ALL about it from his sister..."

I pushed her down into the car and crawled in after her.

I reached out to pull the door shut.

"Say goodnight, Bella."

She flopped onto the seat and closed her eyes.

"Goodnight, Bella," she slurred softly.

When we got back to the hotel she was fast asleep. I picked her up and carried her to the elevator.

When we reached the penthouse I took her into the bedroom and laid her on the bed, lingering above her face for a few seconds before standing up and studying her.

_God, she looks like an angel._

I touched her face briefly before taking off her shoes. I stroked her soft legs gently, and placed a kiss on her forehead.

Her eyes opened.

"Hey, you," she said sexily. "You're not leaving are you?"

_Well, my dick doesn't want to leave, but for once, I'm not letting him make the decisions._

"Bella, it's been a long night. You need some rest."

"Not yet," she whined. "Sit with me...please."

I sighed. "Okay, but only if you promise to drink some water."

"Sure, why not."

I went to the kitchen and got a bottle of water out of the fridge. I opened it as I walked back and sat on the bed. She took it from me and sipped it before placing on her night-stand.

"Bella, how much did you have to drink tonight?" I asked carefully.

"Ugh...too much, Cullen, obviously."

She laid down on the bed and motioned for me to lay beside her. I slipped my arm under her head and she rested her head on my chest.

_God, that feels amazing, having her nestled in my arms._

She put her hand on my chest and rubbed me gently through my shirt. I sighed.

Her hand seared right through my shirt, setting the skin underneath it on fire.

She snuggled into my chest as her hand started moving slowly down to my stomach. My heart rate increased, and my breathing became uneven.

The madman urged her hand lower, to where the pulsing ache that was tenting the front of my trousers was getting more uncomfortable with every passing second.

"Bella," I groaned, "what are you trying to do to me?"

She lifted her head and looked at me with dark, lusty eyes.

"Well, I thought that was pretty obvious, Cullen," she said as she climbed up and straddled me. She grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me up to her, devouring my mouth in the process.

_Holy shit._

She tasted like heaven and booze. The madman inside roared with pleasure.

_Excellent_.

I sucked at her mouth greedily, savoring the amazing taste. She pulled off my jacket and threw it on the floor, before roughly unbuttoning my shirt and placing her hands on my bare chest.

I gasped loudly and fell back onto the bed.

Her breathing was ragged as she traced my chest with her fingertips, and I shuddered and panted beneath her touch.

God, what the hell was I doing? I wanted more than this from her, and realistically, she was still drunk.

I knew I should have stopped her but her hands on my body felt too damn good to be denied.

She caressed my stomach, and I gripped the quilt in my fists and stifled a moan. Her hands finally rested at the top of my pants and she looked into my face. There was a strange look in her eyes - lust, certainly, but also, confusion.

"Do you want to fuck me, Cullen?" she asked, tilting her head to the side. "Is that what you want from me?"

My mind flailed. That was a deceptively complicated question.

_No it isn't idiot, just say yes._

But I don't think I did want to just fuck Bella. What I wanted to share with her was so much more than just fucking.

_Oh Jesus._ _Cullen please reach down and feel you engorged cock, if only to remind you that you are not, in fact, a woman._ _Men fuck._ _You know this._ _Just do it._

"Cullen?" Her head dropped down and she licked my nipple before biting it gently. "Did you hear what I said?"

My back arched and I groaned thickly. The madman started whispering urgently.

_Answer the girl, idiot._ _Say "Yes, I heard you Bella, and yes,_ _I would very much like to fuck you."_ _Simple._

I tried to ignore the voice. But it was getting harder and harder to think straight.

She moved up my body until her face was hovering above mine. I inhaled her scent. Her tongue flicked out and she licked my lips.

_Fuuuuuck_!

The sweet smell of the alcohol on her breath unleashed the madman fully. I grabbed her roughly and flipped her onto her back. I pinned her wrists to the bed and pushed myself forcefully between her legs, grinding my erection brutally against her and growling with satisfaction when I heard her moan.

"Yes I want to fuck you," the madman hissed, spitting out his words through my mouth. "I want to fuck you more than I've wanted to fuck anyone in my whole life. I want to fuck you hard and repeatedly until you forget your own name and can't see straight."

I kissed her savagely, sucking every sweet drop of alcohol from her tongue. She pulled away and whimpered slightly.

"Tell me you want it, Bella," I rasped. "Tell me to fuck you and I will. Is that what you want? Say it!"

I pulled back and looked down at her. She was gasping for breath, but her eyes held disappointment.

"If that's what you want, Edward," she said softly. "Then I won't stop you."

_Oh...God._

I let go of her quickly and sat up.

What the hell had I just said?

What had I done?

I had this amazing, intelligent, gorgeous woman who I wanted to please in so many ways, and I had basically just treated her like a whore.

Bella sat up slowly, but didn't look at me. I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Bella," I said softly, "I'm sorry."

She got off the bed and walked quickly to the bathroom. The door closed and I heard the sounds of her retching. I walked to the door and tried the handle. It was locked.

"Bella? Please let me in."

I heard running water.

"Go away, Cullen," she said roughly.

_Was she crying?_ _Fuck, I'm an asshole._

"Bella, please...please let me try and explain. What I said, that's not how I feel. Well, that's how _part_ of me feels but it's a very small part..."

_Christ how was I going to fix this? I needed to fix this._

The door opened a crack and Bella looked at me. She was pale and her eyes were red.

"Can you pass me my water?" she asked softly.

"Of course."

I grabbed the water from the night-stand and passed it to her.

"Thanks."

"Bella..."

"Now, get the fuck out of my room."

The door slammed in my face.

**BPOV**

The next morning I felt like a whole flock of birds had taken a shit in my mouth. I groaned loudly as the bright sunlight burned through my eyelids and into my brain. I rolled over and shoved a pillow over my head.

_Swan, if you EVER drink as much as you did last night, I swear to God I will make you take up the bagpipes._

I groaned again at the thought.

I felt a hand stroke my back and I lifted the pillow slightly.

"Good morning, starshine!" Alice said perkily.

I slammed the pillow back down.

"Alice, if you can't lower your voice to a faint whisper, then get the fuck out of here because my head is going to explode and I wouldn't want to get brains all over your pretty blouse."

She lifted the pillow up and tugged at my hand. I whined loudly.

"Come on, honey," she whispered. "I just need you to take some aspirin and then you can go back to sleep."

I grabbed the pills out of her hand and swallowed them both with a mouthful of water. I took another big mouthful of water to try and wash away the bird shit. It didn't work.

She put the water on the night-stand and crawled into bed with me, pulling my head onto her shoulder. She stroked my hair lovingly.

"So," she whispered. "You had an interesting night last night." _Did I?_ "First, I catch you molesting my brother on the balcony," - _oh, right, I remember now - yum -_ "then you drank your own weight in Vodka" - _evil, stupid Vodka_ - "then something else happened before I got home because my brother has been slamming around the apartment all morning like he's in a Japanese monster movie."

_Something else happened?_

"So, Bells, care to spill the beans?"

I thought furiously.

_Ow, that fucking hurts._ _Think slowly bitch._

I remembered punching Tanya in the bathroom – still feeling awesome about that by the way. Then I met a very nice boy called Embry whose kind eyes belied the fact that he was, in fact, an agent for the evil and stupid Vodka. Then Edward came over and told me the party was over. And then...I have no idea.

"I heard that you punched Tanya Denali," Alice said proudly. "God, I'm so jealous. That little gold digger has been trying to get her claws into my brother for years." She stopped stroking my hair. "What happened between you two anyway?"

_The bitch put her hands on my man, that's what happened._

"We went to high school together," I mumbled. "She was a bitch to me and I wanted some payback."

Alice pulled away from me so she could look at my face.

"And that's it?" she asked, skeptically.

I swallowed and nodded.

"That's it."

She sighed but didn't push it.

I hated lying to her but I just wasn't in any condition to have a meaningful discussion about my unhealthy obsession with her man-God brother.

"So what else happened? Why is Edward being 'King of the Pricks' today?"

My brain protested as I tried to sift through the hangover fog.

"I honestly can't remember, Alice. I remember getting in the limo and then, I think I fell asleep. I don't remember anything after that."

She sighed and stroked my hair again.

"Well, some major shit went down," she said. "I haven't seen Edward this agitated since The Backstreet Boys broke up."

We both started giggling. I grabbed my head with both hands and groaned loudly.

"Ow, ow, ow."

"Sorry, baby, but it's good to see you laugh."

I sighed and turned over, shoving my face into the heaven of my pillow.

"I love you, Alice," I murmured as I felt her get off the bed.

"Love you too, Bells. Now go back to sleep. I'll wake you up at lunchtime.

When I eventually arose, I stumbled into the shower and let the warm water soothe me. As I leaned against the cool tiles with my eyes closed, I began to feel slightly better, but my head was still pounding, my tummy felt fifteen shades of weird, and I had a serious desire to shave my tongue.

I finished my shower and got dressed quickly, eager to see Edward and find out why he was so pissed off.

I felt something prickle at the back of my brain, but it disappeared before I could identify it.

A wave of dizziness washed over me and I braced myself against the bed.

_Okay, see this? THIS is why we don't drink._

I took a deep breath and straightened up.

A strange sense of unease had been with me since I woke up. I knew something had happened last night that I couldn't remember, and it was bugging the shit out of me.

God, I could have done any number of humiliating things last night in the state I was in. I could have flashed my tits to the paparazzi. I could have kicked a puppy, or sung in public – the possibilities were endless.

I heard a quiet knock at the door.

"It's alright, Alice," I called as I brushed my hair. "I'm up."

The door opened and Edward stepped inside.

"Bella? Can we talk?"

My breath stopped when I saw him.

_We were on the bed. I was angry about what Tanya had said. I wanted to prove her wrong. I teased him and asked him what he wanted. He ravaged me and said the exact words I didn't want to hear. _

The bile rose in my throat and I fought the need to vomit.

"Bella?"

He was standing right in front of me.

He looked terrible, like he hadn't slept all night.

I didn't want him to look like that. I didn't want his eyes to be red and bleary and filled with guilt and regret and pain.

I didn't want to think about him saying those words to me. Words I'd heard far too many times before from people I couldn't bear to think about.

I didn't want him to want me that way. I wanted more.

I wanted him to take me in his arms and love me the way I loved him.

I stopped breathing.

_The way you WHAT?_!

Holy crap.

There it was.

I loved him.

My eyes fluttered slightly and I suddenly needed to sit down.

I sat heavily on the bed and Edward sat beside me.

"Bella, are you alright?"

"Huh?"

My brain was overloading with the memories that were now flooding back: _His tongue plundering my mouth. His erection grinding against me in excruciating pleasure. His eyes blazing as he hissed aggressively, "Yes I want to fuck you. I want to fuck you more than I've wanted to fuck anyone in my whole life. I want to fuck you hard and repeatedly until you forget your own name and can't see straight. Tell me you want it, Bella. Tell me to fuck you and I will." _

I took in a ragged breath. I could feel him staring at me but I couldn't bring myself to meet his gaze.

"Bella," he said softly, "I know you must hate me after what happened last night, and I'm not here to make excuses. I was an idiot. I was crazed, and turned on beyond all reason, but there is no way I should have said those things to you. It was disgusting, and degrading, and you deserve so much more than that."

I knew he was waiting for me to speak, but I had no idea what to say. I had never felt for anyone what I was feeling for this man. I had never felt so comfortable, so safe, so aroused and...so disappointed.

I wanted, so much, to believe that this was more than physical to him, but after what happened, I think he made his feelings pretty clear. I refused to be one of those women that thought screwing someone was the same as making love. I had screwed men, and been screwed in return, but there is no way I could do that with Edward. My feelings for him were too powerful, and if I let this go to the next level, knowing that he didn't feel the same way, then I was just opening the door to heartbreak and inviting it to sleep on my couch.

I picked at my fingernails, still unable to look at him.

"Edward, I don't hate you. I don't think I could ever hate you. But I think that what happened last night...I don't think it would be a good idea for us to do that sort of thing again."

I felt him tense beside me.

"Bella..."

"Please, just let me say what I need to say before I pass out or vomit."

He waited for me to continue. I took a deep breath and looked at him. He was frowning and there was a look of pain on his face. I so wanted to smooth his brow and kiss away his pain. Instead I took his hand and started caressing it lightly with my fingertips. He sighed and closed his eyes.

Why did he have to be so perfect? It was going to make what I had to say so much harder.

He opened his eyes and looked into mine.

_Okay, Swan, you can do this._ _Just lay out the facts, and for fuck's sake, don't cry._

"Edward, you are the most amazing man I have ever met, and your...friendship...has been one of the most important things that has ever happened to me/ But we live together...we work together...and I just don't see how us screwing each other is going to have a happy ending. Your sister would kill us for a start, and if things get...uncomfortable, then I would have to leave, and I think that would damage me more than anything else that has happened to me in my shitty life."

He looked down at our hands, and I could tell he was struggling to find the right words to say.

"Bella, I like you...a lot...and I'm pretty sure you like me...a lot. Why don't we just see where this thing between us ends up?"

"Because, Edward, it could very well end up with me back in my alley being pissed on by Charlie!"

"It wouldn't."

"It might!"

We stared at each other, searching for some sort of compromise.

There wasn't one.

"So what do you suggest?" he asked, frustration filling his voice, "That we just ignore how we feel about each other and keep things strictly professional? I don't see how that's possible."

I sighed.

"I think we should just take a few steps back until...you figure out how you really feel about me."

"Bella, I KNOW how I feel."

"Is that why you said those things to me last night?"

His breath caught in his throat.

"Edward, you met me a week ago, you have personal demons that are still being tamed, and you have women constantly throwing themselves at you. Now, you look me in the eyes and tell me that you can GUARANTEE that none of those things is going to crush me into a broken-hearted mess, and I will believe you."

His eyes clouded over.

_Please say it. I don't care if you're lying. Just say it and take me in your arms._

He dropped his gaze.

_Dammit, Edward._

"I can't promise you that, Bella. I know how far I have to go in dealing with my issues, and it wouldn't be fair to gamble what we could have on my self-control."

My heart ached. At least he was honest. I took in a shuddering breath.

"Okay...so...we agree to be friends...for now."

He looked at me and my heart completely ruptured. He reached forward and stroked my cheek and I leaned into his hand and closed my eyes.

I heard him groan softly.

"Swan, how am I going to stop myself from touching you like this every day?"

I opened my eyes and smiled at him.

"Do you need me to get you more lotion?"

"BELLAAAA! EDWARRRRD!"

Jesus, it sounded like Alice was being murdered in the next room.

We both leapt to our feet and ran out. We found her standing in front of the table with a selection of tabloids spread out in front of her.

"Would one of you care to explain this?" she hissed angrily.

The tabloid she was pointing to had a photo of Edward and I. He was frowning, his arm around my waist. I was grinning like a lunatic and had my hand in the air, waving. The headline read, ""EDWARD CULLEN HUNG LIKE A STALLION!" his girlfriend proclaims loudly. Reveals his sister is source of her information.""

Edward and I looked at each other in horror, before doubling over with laughter.

_Oh crap._ _We were really in trouble now._

_

* * *

_

**A/N**

**Thank you for reading. Come find me on Twitter if you want to chat. **

**Please leave Asstard and PissGirl some love. They're going to need it.**

**Love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	9. SNL & The Spanish Inquisition

**Chapter Notes**

**Okeee. If there's anyone out there who hasn't seen the Monty Python skit, The Spanish Inquisition, I highly recommend you Youtube it before reading this chapter.**

**I have to send out a massive thank you for all of the amazing reviews the last chapter received, and I'm absolutely blown away at how many of you are enjoying this crazy story. If you're enjoying this story and haven't said 'hi' with a review yet, please picture my sad panda face.**

**To Catty-Wan - goddess and guru - thank you for your filthy mind and wonderful Beta-ing. This chapter owes a lot to you.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns, I bastardize.**

**Enjoy.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 9 – SNL & The Spanish Inquisition**

**EPOV**

_Just ignore her, Cullen. That's the only way you're going to get though this - IF you get through this. _

I'm just going to take a quick peek and see what she's doing – just a tiny, tiny peek.

_Don't look at her! Do you have no sense of self-preservation? Just look at the damn screen okay? Look, there's a car chase – look at all the pretty cars getting smashed to pieces – what fun!_

Oh, lord she just sighed. I can smell her breath. Ahhhh...

_Stop breathing, idiot! You can't smell her if you don't breathe!_

I sighed.

I was on a plane, next to Bella, for five hours. My 'friend' Bella. The girl I wanted more than anything in the world and couldn't – shouldn't – have.

My whole body ached with the effort of not touching her.

Jesus, I should have just insisted we take different flights, but then she would have gotten all offended and bitch-slapped me, and God help me, I probably would have found that even more arousing.

_Okay just calm down, you'll be fine. Chew on a nail or something. Not long to go now. We'll be landing any second..._

I looked at my watch. Four hours and fifty-five minutes to go.

_SHIT_!

* * *

**BPOV**

The trip to New York was excruciating.

Edward and I were seated next to each other, and the nearness of him and his intoxicating damn sex-smell was the sweetest torture I had ever known. Alice sat across the aisle from me, and I could tell she knew what I was going through but the evil pixie didn't once offer to swap seats with me. If I didn't know better I'd swear this was our punishment for the tabloid headlines from a few days ago.

She leaned over to me.

"Having a nice trip, sweetie?" she asked, angelically.

I mouthed the words "Bite me" before turning back and desperately trying to not touch Edward's arm with my own.

The trip had passed mostly in silence. Edward had put his headphones on as soon as we sat down and was trying to pretend to watch an action film. Every so often I could feel him looking at me from the corner of his eye, and my pulse would race.

Things had been slightly awkward between us since the other night. We were both trying very hard to honor our new 'friends only' pact, but to say that it was difficult was the understatement of the century. Every time I looked at him my girl parts gushed with pleasure, and the dull ache between my legs was becoming more that a little annoying. It didn't help that every time he looked at me, he pitched an enormous tent in his trousers that I, in turn, found incredibly arousing and so gushed more...and yeah...the vicious cycle continued.

I turned to look at him. He really did have the most perfect profile on the planet, but I was starting to get more than a little pissy that he wouldn't talk to me.

I glared at him and I noticed his breathing sped up a little. I blew some air towards his ear. He immediately stopped breathing and his eyes fluttered slightly.

_Oh, Cullen, if you think you can avoid me for the rest of this flight, you are sooooo mistaken._

I pulled up my skirt slightly and started rubbing small, deliberate circles on my thighs, watching his face carefully. He swallowed heavily, and a strange strangled noise came from his throat, but he still didn't crack.

Fine. If the indirect approach wasn't working, let's try this.

I reached over and wrenched the headphones out of his ears.

"Ow!"

"Oh...sorry," I said with annoyance, "did I interrupt you ignoring me?"

He sighed and turned to face me. "Swan, I was not ignoring you."

"Oh really? Then tell me what the movie you were 'watching' was about**."**

He blinked quickly and looked back at the screen. "Well...uh...there was a guy...and he had a car..."

"What was the guy's name?"

"Um...John?"

"What color was the car?"

"Red?"

I punched him in the arm. "Why are you ignoring me?"

He rubbed his arm. "First of all – OW!, and second of all..." he looked away, "I don't know...I guess if I try to pretend you're not there, I won't obsess about the fact that all I can think about is that you're right there."

"Cullen," I said, frustrated, "that sentence made absolutely no sense whatsoever."

He ran his hand through his hair. "It's hard to explain."

"Try harder!" He turned to look at me and I felt the full force of his gaze. I tried not to moan as I continued. "Look, if we're going to really try to make this 'friends' thing work, then we can't just shut down every time it gets difficult or awkward. Surely we're mature enough to have a simple conversation – that's what friends are supposed to do!"

"Okay, fine...friend," he said, his voice dark and sarcastic, "You want to know why I'm ignoring you? Well here it is."

He turned to face the tiny TV screen again but kept talking.

"You see, if I sit like this, I can only see you in my peripheral vision. I can still feel you beside me, because for some unknown reason, your body...any part of your body, shoots an electrical current straight to my dick whenever you're ina three foot radius of me. It's like my own personal divining rod. But sitting like this, it's bearable. Now, if I turn to talk to you, like this," he shifted in his seat, "I not only have the electrical cock-current, I also have the visual stimulation of looking at your eyes, mouth, hands, skin, etcetera. This tends to reinforce the cock-current, and the wood density goes from bearable to uncomfortable."

His voice was low and I could feel the effort he was putting into remaining calm. He took in a deliberate breath before continuing.

"On top of that, if either of us happens to lean in, like this," his face stopped inches from my own, "then I can feel you, see you and...smell you."

My breath was hitching rapidly now and I could feel everything he was describing being mirrored in my own body. His eyes closed and he inhaled deeply. When he opened them again, his eyes were nearly black. His gaze raked over my face, finally stopping on my mouth. My pulse pounded and throbbed, but I couldn't tear myself away from the fire in his eyes.

"Now in this position," he groaned, "my cock is so hard that it reaches critical mass. It's no longer just uncomfortable, it's downright painful, and every pulse of blood through my body screams at me to plunge into you and not stop until the pain explodes out of me."

_Oh God._

My muscles were clenching desperately at the thought, and Iwas suddenly convinced that I might become a member of the mile high club at any second, without Edward laying a single finger on me.

We stared at each other, raw desire surging between us. We were both panting slightly.

"Swan," he growled, "do you have any idea...any clue, how hard it is for me to be this close to you and not give my body what it's screaming for?"

I swallowed, and nodded slightly. He leaned in further and I could smell his sweet breath. I could see his delicious tongue behind his perfect lips.

My eyes closed and I leaned toward him, searching for his lips. I didn't find them and my eyes snapped open. He had shifted back into his seat, as far away from me as possible.

As I watched he put his earphones back in his ears.

"So, Swan," he said roughly, avoiding my gaze, "that's why I'm ignoring you." He turned to me and gave me a slight smile. "I promise I won't ignore you when we get to New York, okay?"

I smiled back at him and exhaled raggedly. "You'd better not."

He sighed and closed his eyes. "Good conversation...friend."

* * *

The following day I found myself sitting cross-legged on Edward's bed in our New York apartment, and I was in trouble.

My eyes were hurting because I hadn't dared to blink. My lungs were aching because I had forgotten how to breathe, and my panties were wet because...wait...what was I talking about again?

There was no doubt about it. I was in massive brain-fail. I could hear that someone was talking to me, but I had lost all comprehension of the English language.

_Bella_? _BELLA!_ _Edward is talking to you! Jesus! Blink – breathe - listen_!

"Huh?"

I blinked at Edward and took in a huge lungful of air. He was standing in front of me, holding his guitar. He had just performed the two songs he was thinking of doing on Saturday Night Live. I had never heard him sing before - not properly anyway.

It had been a spiritual experience.

As soon as he opened his mouth I was hypnotized. His incredible voice soothed me and inflamed me in equal measure, and suddenly, all I could see was him. His long fingers skilfully caressed the strings of his guitar. His beautiful face was like a piece of fine art, expressing and emoting his captivating lyrics. His voice wrapped me in aspellbinding trance as my body burst into flames beneath my skin.

_Okay, enough of that shit._ _Concentrate_! _He's talking to you!_

"Swan," he said with impatience, "are you going to answer me sometime in the near future, or would you like to continue your sex-doll impersonation?"

That got my attention.

"What did you just say to me?" I breathed, raising my eyebrow.

He laughed softly. "You were sitting there, completely still, with your mouth hanging open like a little 'o'. You reminded me of a sex doll."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"And just how extensive is your experience with sex dolls, Cullen?" I inquired seriously.

His eyes darkened and I felt a rush of lust.

"Swan, I've given up drugs, I've given up booze, I've given up smoking, and I've given up having meaningless sex with hot women. Don't you DARE start moving in on my inflatable girlfriends, or I'm seriously going to have to kick your ass."

I laughed at him. "Alright, but if I hear you're treating those dolls badly, or that you've let them down in anyway" -he snorted loudly- "then I WILL have to put a pin in this little obsession of yours."

His deep laugh filled the room and my heart sang. He looked at me warmly, and I ached to hold him and never let go. "Swan, how is it that you can always make me laugh, even when I'm completely shitting bricks about having to sing live on national television?"

"It's quite simple actually, Cullen. You have extremely low standards."

We both laughed and looked at each other. When the laughter stopped, the familiar electricity we generated filled the air. His eyes bore into me and I could feel myself flush with desire under his intense gaze. I started throbbing, and lamented the fact that I would have to change my panties, AGAIN, when I left his room.

_Jesus, Bella, that's the fourth pair today!_

Well it's not as if I can help it! Look at him for God's sake!

_*sigh* True._ _We're going to need a bigger collection of panties._

I realized that I had stopped breathing again, and drew in a shaky breath.

_Okay, Swan, time for evasive action delta – stop looking at him, change the subject and think about the poor starving children in __Africa. And__ if that doesn't work, just eye-fuck him furiously and clench your thighs._

You KNOW you're not helping, right?

_Well, you were the one who thought it was a good idea to just be 'friends'._ _Christ, what an idiot!_

Hey! I thought it was something we decided together.

_Not me, girlfriend. I would never agree to something so utterly ridiculous. I mean, really, LOOK AT HIM! Please tell me why we are NOT HITTING THAT!_

"So," I said brightly, ignoring my inner bitch, "what were you saying before?"

He looked down and took in a ragged breath. It reminded me that perhaps I wasn't the only one going out of their mind with sexual frustration. He cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair. "I was asking you what you thought of the songs. Do you think they'll be okay to do on the show?"

_God no!_ _He can't do those songs!_ _Women all around the world would spontaneously combust in a fit of sexual overload – it would be a disaster._

"Weell...I'm not sure actually. Perhaps you should do them again and I'll have another listen, just to be certain." Sometimes I surprise myself with my own brilliance.

He cocked an eyebrow at me, and a smile bent the corners of his mouth.

_He's onto you Swan._ _He soooo knows your little game._

_Oh shut up. Just keep reminding me to breathe._

Edward put his hands on his guitar and started to play.

_Ahhhhh...sweet brain-fail._

Two hours, and several more pairs of panties later, I was in my room, getting ready to leave for the NBC studios where Edward would spend the afternoon rehearsing before tonight's live show. I heard a light knock on the door and Alice stepped into the room, not even waiting for a response.

"Hello, dear bestie," she chimed happily. "Pressies for you." She dropped a large shopping bag on the bed. I raised an eyebrow and investigated the contents.

Panties. Lots and lots of panties. I looked at her in disbelief.

"How did you know...?"

"Oh please!" she scoffed. "I'm not completely oblivious to the massive amounts of raging hormones that have been catapulting around since we left LA. We could power several small cities on the sexual energy that has been surging between you and my brother Bella – it's not hard to figure it out."

I nodded and looked at the ground. "You've been taking notice of how often I've had to send my panties out to be laundered haven't you?"

She flopped on the bed. "Yeah, and quite frankly the hotel staff are starting to talk." She smiled at me warmly. "For fuck's sake, Bells, it's only Edward. The same Edward that used to fart into my pillow before I went to sleep. The same Edward that put my naked Barbie dolls in lewd, lesbian sex poses. I'm sure if your vagina knew everything I know about him, she'd be less inclined to deem him so squelch-worthy."

_Don't bet on it. Just thinking about Edward stripping off Alice's Barbie's and posing them suggestively made me squirm all over again. DAMMIT!_

"Soooooo...how's the friends angle working out for you?" she asked innocently.

I groaned and flopped down on the bed next to her. "I hate it! I hate every second that I'm not with him, or touching him or hearing his stupid, sexy voice. It makes me want to hit something!"

"I could always get Tanya Denali over here."

I laughed. "Been there, done that."

She grinned. "Yeah, you have."

I sighed and thought about Edward in his bedroom, getting ready. He was probably shirtless, standing in front of the mirror, running his hands through his hair and looking like the text-book definition of sex.

Dammit. Yet again, it was high-tide in my panties.

"God, Alice, I know that we're doing the right thing, but...aaaargh! You know?"

"You see, Bells, this is why I had the rules. No touchy. Touchy is bad. Touchy lets things loose that can never be tamed again, and now you're both in purgatory and all I can do is sit back and yell I TOLD YOU SO!"

"I know," I groaned, "but, Alice, I really think that there could be something special between us."

She scoffed. "Oh I KNOW there's something special between you**. **Why the fuck do you think I 'hired' you in the first place?"

I blinked at her, suddenly very confused. "What are you talking about?"

She sat up and took my hands. "Bella, the very first time I saw you with my brother, I knew that you were the one. It was so obvious. The way you spoke to each other, the way he looked at you, the way you dealt with him – you two are meant to be."

"But then why aren't we BEING?" I whined.

"Bella," she said patiently, "the timing just isn't right." I exhaled heavily. "Look, if you two jumped into something right now, it would be over before it really started. You both have secrets, and baggage, and crap...and if you bring all that together now, you'll both be crushed under the weight of it. THAT'S why I made the rules. I was hoping to stall the inevitable just long enough for the both of you to get your shit together. But I guess that plan is out the window now."

I flopped back onto the bed and put my hands over my face, trying desperately to block out the images of Edward's half-naked body and all the things I'd like to be doing to it.

"God, Alice," I groaned in frustration, "What do I have to do to stop this torture? Please tell me because I'm going insane here."

She lay down beside me and took my hands away from my face. "Honey, you just have to try and keep things casual. If being close to him is too traumatic, keep your distance. If spending time with him is too much of a temptation, take a break, get a facial, take up kick-boxing."

I looked at her, and I knew she could see the pain in my eyes.

"Just be patient, Bells. I can guarantee youit will be worth the wait." She kissed me on the cheek and sprang off the bed. "Now, finish getting ready, bitch, because we're leaving in ten minutes." She walked to the door and looked back at me. "If it's any consolation honey, he's suffering too**.**"She smiled sadly**. "**Maybe even more than you." She closed the door softly behind her.

It _was_ some consolation that I wasn't in this hell alone. I thought about what Edward was probably doing right now. I smiled when I realized he was probably doing the old five-finger-knuckle-shuffle to release some of his pre-show anxiety.

Man, that boy had some mad masturbation skills.

_Maybe that's something that could relieve _your_ anxiety..._

Pfft! I don't really see how me coming within stroking distance of Edward's impressive cock was going to do anything but RAISE my anxiety levels.

_No, idiot._ _I meant stroking...yourself._

Oh!...you mean...rubbin the nubbin?

_Why not?_ _It certainly couldn't do any harm, and you might actually enjoy yourself._

Hmmm. It was an interesting concept.

Masturbation was not something I had done a lot of in the past few years. The main issue was one of privacy. I mean there's nothing worse than drubbing yourself silly in a dark alley, only to realize that pervy old Mikey Newton is watching you from the corner.

I remembered the first night it happened. I was just on the edge, desperate to pop, when I noticed a movement out of the corner of my eye.

I turned to see Mikey there, rubbing himself through his filthy trousers and looking at me like I was a McHappy Meal. He licked his lips and staggered over to me, unzipping his pants as he walked.

I sat bolt upright and put on my best 'don't-you-fucking-dare' face.

He ignored it.

When he stopped in front of me, he took out his pathetic erection and stroked it suggestively.

"Hey, Bella," he breathed, the stench of alcohol almost knocking me over, "what do you think about this?"

I looked quickly at his dick before returning to his face. "I think it looks like a penis, Mikey, only smaller." His face dropped and he staggered away.

That was pretty much my first and last attempt at public self-pleasure.

_But there's nothing to stop you now, Swan._ _You have a door AND a lock._

Hmmm, I did have ten minutes, very strong fingers, and fresh images of Edward and his guitar to help me on my way. Why the hell not?

I stripped off my clothes, locked the door, lay down on the bed, and prepared to get to know myself a little better.

* * *

**EPOV**

I was waiting in the living room, chewing on a particularly tough bit of fingernail when I hear a cry come from Bella's room. I raced over to the door and knocked urgently.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

I hear a thump followed by a muffled "Ow!"

"Bella?"

"I'm fine!" she called in a slightly strangled voice. "Totally fine. Just fell off the bed. Nothing to worry about."

I tried the door handle. It was locked.

_What the hell was she doing on the bed?_ _Wasn't she supposed to be getting ready?_

"You can't come in, Edward!" she screeched, nearly hysterical.

"I know that, Bella," I said patiently, "you've locked the door."

"Hah! That's right! I have a door, and a lock, and I fully intend to use them!"

I frowned and ran my fingers through my hair.

_What the hell was going on with her?_

"So you're alright then?" I said in frustration.

"Yes, Cullen, I'm fine. Better than fine actually. VERY relaxed. Probably more relaxed than you are!"

I shook my head and walked away. Sometimes I just couldn't figure that girl out.

* * *

"Alice, don't be unreasonable!"

"I'm not being unreasonable Edward, you can't have her!

"Why not?"

"Because the timing just isn't going to work out!"

"It could work out. You just always want things on YOUR terms. What about what I want? What I need?"

"You don't NEED her, Edward..."

"I DO! I need her more than you do!"

I glared at my sister. She sighed heavily and took my hands.

"Look, sweet, annoying, asshole brother of mine. I just need Bella for an hour. We need to meet the head honcho of your record label while we're in the Big Apple, and since you're unavailable all afternoon, I need her on my team. Then you can have her, okay? You're a big boy, Edward**. **You don't need someone holding your hand for a simple sound check and rehearsal."

I dropped her hands and flopped onto the couch, running my hands through my hair. "It would just be nice to have her with me, Alice," I said pleadingly. "She calms me down, and I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm kind of freaking out here."

She sat beside me and put her arm around me. "She'll be there, okay? Just go to the studio, settle in, do your rehearsal and then she'll be there well before the show starts."

I pouted slightly and looked over to the armchair where Bella was sitting patiently. She looked at me and tried to suppress a smile.

"Cullen, would it make you feel any better if I told you how adorable you are when you sulk?"

I crossed my arms across my chest and huffed. "No...and I do NOT sulk."

Alice's cell phone buzzed. She looked quickly at the screen.

"The car's here. Time for you to go, Edward."

I pushed myself out of the couch and picked up my clothes bag and guitar case. Alice kissed me on the cheek.

"I have to make some calls to confirm our meeting time, but I'll see you later, okay?" she said softly.

I nodded glumly as she turned and went into her bedroom, leaving Bella and me alone. I looked over at her and she stood up.

"Come on, Cullen," she said lightly, putting her arm through mine as she walked me to the elevator. "If you don't stop pouting I'm going to have to suck on those delectable lips of yours and then the world as we know it will come to an end."

My breathing picked up at the mere suggestion of my lips going anywhere near hers.

"Loving that plan, Swan, let's do it."

She looked up at me wryly. "Behave yourself." She stopped me in front of the elevator. "Now, you can totally do this. So go in there and be the star I know you can be."

"So, what, I should be surly, demanding and sexually obnoxious?"

She frowned. "No, that would be you just being you. Be calm, be gracious and for fuck's sake try and hold it together until I get there."

She smiled at me and I felt a rush of pleasure. She reached up and put her arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly. I dropped my bags and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her against me and breathing in her incredible scent. Her hands stroked the back of my hair and I groaned and held her tighter. I buried my face in her neck, feeling my erection growing between us. I pressed against her until she pulled away.

She was panting slightly and I immediately became even harder, seeing the desire in her eyes. She looked down at my pants and raised an eyebrow.

"Hmmm...maybe we should have requested to get him his own dressing room."

I laughed. "Yes, maybe you should have. I find him quite unbearable to be around at the moment."

She exhaled heavily. "You're telling me."

She kissed me on the cheek and waved like a fifties housewife. "Have a good day honey! Don't do anything I'll have to kick your ass for later!"

I smirked and grabbed my bags. I turned to look at her as the elevator doors started to close.

"See you soon, Piss-Girl."

She gave me the finger. "Not if I see you first, Asstard."

* * *

There was a knock on the dressing room door.

"Five minutes until sound check, Mr Cullen!"

"Thank you."

I finished tuning my guitar and grabbed a bottle of water.

Five minutes? Time for one more round of hand hockey?

_Christ, Cullen, you have got to be joking._ _You're going to get Repetitive Strain Injury of the Penis for God's sake._

Yeah but at least I'd be relaxed.

_Get out of here, you perv!_ _You can sexually abuse yourself later._

I walked into the studio and was quickly greeted by SNL's Executive Producer, Lorne Michaels.

"Edward," he said as he shook my hand warmly, "I was beginning to think we'd never get you on our little show."

I chuckled. "Lorne, you know my sister would kill me before she let that happen."

"How is Alice?"

"Small, bossy, annoying – you know, the usual."

He laughed and guided me over to the stage where a scruffy young man was sorting through cue cards with a production assistant.

"Okay, so, I do the Harry Potter thing, then the hair gag, then Adam stands up and does the Dali impersonation, then I do 'we've got a great show tonight...Edward Cullen is here'...massive screaming...the end." He ran his fingers through his hair as he laughed nervously. "Simple."

Lorne called him over. "Rob, I'd like you to meet someone." He ambled over and smiled at me. "Robert Pattinson I'd like you to meet Edward Cullen. Edward, this is the new 'it' boy around town, Rob Pattinson."

I reached out and shook his hand. "Hey, Rob, nice to meet you."

He pumped my handed enthusiastically. "Wow, man...this is such an honor. I'm a big fan. I can't wait to hear you sing live."

I laughed nervously. "My job is pretty easy tonight compared to yours. How are you feeling?"

He ran his fingers through his hair again and grinned. "I'm fucking terrified to be honest, but Lorne assures me that if I screw up there will only be a light spanking."

Lorne chuckled and patted him on the back. "Rob, you are one of the few guest hosts we've ever had that has actually arrived having learned their lines – you're going to be fine. Now, I've got to go and harass my cast so I'll see you two later."

As he wandered off Rob turned to me. "Jesus, Edward, why do we let ourselves get roped into this kind of craziness?"

I shook my head. "Fuck knows, Rob...I feel like I want to pull my skin off, run out of here screaming, and vomit, all at the same time."

He nodded seriously. "Impressive imagery, man. I think I might join you."

We walked over to the music stage were the techs were putting the finishing touches on the sound and lighting. "So, Rob, I remember reading somewhere that you're a muso too?"

He laughed and rubbed his face. "Yeah, I dabble, but you know I don't want to be one of those wankers who's all like 'Yeah I'm an actor, but what I really want to do is rock'n'roll.' I think that's just so naff."

I smiled. It was nice to meet an actor who didn't have an ego the size of small country. I liked this guy. "Well, maybe after my sound check we can have a jam in the dressing room, just for laughs."

His eyes lit up and a huge smile spread across his face. "Are you kidding me? That would be BRILLIANT! I can't believe I'm going to be jamming with Edward Cullen. Awesome! I have to go and get my guitar!"

He started walking away, but quickly turned and came back. "Umm...just to let you know, I had planned on being much cooler in front of you. I just sounded like a complete dick, didn't I?"

I laughed and shrugged. "Not a COMPLETE dick..."

He shoved his hands in his pockets and gave me his best James Dean frown. "Do your fucking sound check, Cullen. I'll meet you for a manly jam in twenty-minutes."

"Yes, Mr Pattinson," I said seriously, "whatever you say."

He cracked another huge smile and skipped off like a girl.

After the sound check Rob came to my dressing room and we jammed for a while, mainly hitting some R & B, but also playing some pretty wicked Bluegrass. He was really very good. He had an unusually soulful voice, and apart from the fact that I couldn't understand a single word he sang, I thought the kid had real talent.

Suddenly, the door burst open and Bella charged in, scrambling around in her hand-bag for God-knows-what and obviously not in the best of moods. "Goddamn motherfucking taxi driver took me on a fucking scenic view of the whole of New York before finally getting me here. Fucking cocksucker! So, I'm sorry I'm late, Cullen. What the fuck did I miss?"

She stopped abruptly as she looked up and saw Rob. She stared at him with her mouth open. Then she looked at me. Then she looked back at him. A small hysterical giggle escaped her lips.

_Jesus, it's finally happened._ _She's officially lost her mind._

"Bella, this is Rob Pattinson. He's the guest host for tonight's show. Rob this is my...friend...Bella Swan."

Rob put down his guitar, walked over to Bella and put out his hand. "Nice to meet you, Bella," he said, warmly.

Bella didn't move. Her mouth dropped open further. Her eyes flicked from him to me again. Another manic giggle bubbled out.

"Jesus, Swan, shake the man's hand, or he'll start to think you're just some crazy person I picked up off the street."

That got her attention. She narrowed her eyes at me and quickly turned back to Rob.

"Hi," she breathed, taking his hand. "Nice to meet you, Rob."

Rob went to take his hand back, but Bella grasped it, bringing it up to her face and inspecting it intensely. She looked quickly at me again and then back at his hand. "Jesus," I heard her breath softly.

"Bella?" I said patiently. "Did you happen to pop a whole packet of crazy pills on the way here, because I think you're freaking out my man Rob."

Bella dropped his hand and Rob laughed before running it through his hair. Bella gaped at him.

_Christ Swan, please get yourself __together__**. **__You're__ embarrassing me. What the fuck is going on with you? _

I saw her blink quickly and shake her head, trying to clear her thoughts.

"So...um..Bella," Rob said nervously, "I take it that you haven't had the best day so far? Either that or you just really like to swear."

Finally, she came back to reality. She focused on Rob and laughed gently.

"Yeah, well, after the world's longest cab ride, I rocked up to the security desk here and was subjected to everything but a cavity search by Clarence, the world's most thorough security guard."

Rob laughed. "Yeah he did the same thing to me. It was like the fucking Spanish Inquisition."

Bella smiled. "Hah! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

Rob frowned at her. "Their chief weapon is surprise."

Bella frowned back. "Surprise AND fear."

Rob corrected himself. "Their TWO chief weapons are surprise and fear..."

"And ruthless efficiency," she interrupted.

_What the fuck is going on?_

Rob concentrated. "Their THREE chief weapons are surprise, fear, ruthless efficiency..."

"And a near fanatical devotion to the pope..."

Rob screwed up his face in frustration. "Ohhhhh! I'll come in again..."

Suddenly he and Bella were laughing hysterically.

I looked around frantically.

_Was I being __punk'd__?_ _I felt like I was in the fucking Twilight Zone._

Rob eventually settled down enough to wheeze, "I didn't think you yanks liked Monty Python**."**

Bella wiped her eyes. "It's not that we don't likeit**. **Most people just don't get it."

"Okay, you two," I said sternly, "what the fuck is a Monty Python, and why has it turned you into giggling lunatics?"

That set them off again.

_For God's sake._

Bella leaned into Rob and grabbed his arm, tears streaming down her face. Rob put his arm over her shoulder, supporting his weight while he doubled over laughing.

My face reddened and I felt a sudden flash of violent anger.

"Oh, Pattinson," she sighed. _Pattinson?_ _She was calling him by his last name?_ _But that's OUR thing!_ "I haven't laughed so much since I caught Cullen dancing around the living room to a Miley Cyrus song."

I blushed furiously. "Swan, I was NOT dancing. I was squirming uncomfortably because you had just given me a giant wedgie."

She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Oh yeah, I remember now," she giggled hysterically again.

She grabbed Rob's arm and pulled him down onto the couch next to her.

_What the...?_

I was forced to sit in the armchair opposite them.

"So Pattinson," - _AGAIN with the last name?_ - "what's up with you at the moment?"

Rob ran his fingers through his hair – again.

_Jesus, did he not register how often he did that, and how fucking annoying it was?_

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.

_Crap_...

"Well, I'm in town promoting my new film, Little Ashes. It's kind of a bio pic about Salvador Dali."

"Oh yeah, I heard about that. My friend Alice has seen it. She said you had a great cum face."

He laughed and put his hands over his face. "Oh God. That was the most difficult scene I have ever done..."

"So how do you...act something like that?" she asked, leaning forward.

_How is she not embarrassed by this conversation?_ _She's asking a complete stranger about his cum face for God's sake._ _Does the woman have no shame?_ _And what's worse, he's answering her!_

"Well, you know...you just have to use your...um...imagination."

He looked up at her and blushed.

_Pattinson, you do NOT want to be blushing at my woman._ _I will snap you like a twig._

Bella cleared her throat and smirked. "I can relate to that." She exhaled and squirmed in her seat.

_WHAT?_ _HE'S MAKING HER SQUIRM?_ _NOOOO!_ _THAT'S MY JOB! MINE!_ _NOT HIS!_ _FUCK IT! _

"Perhaps we should change the subject," she said quickly.

_DO YA' THINK?_

My pulse was pounding. Fury was filling my body and I had an overwhelming desire to suddenly beat the crap out of the nice British boy. I stood up quickly and grabbed a bottle of water. I ripped the cap of it and took a quick swig before furiously chewing on my fingernails.

Bella looked over at me.

"Cullen? Are you okay?"

I glared at her.

"_I'll be okay when you stop trying to fuck the Brit on my dressing-room couch!" _my brain screamed hysterically.

"I'm fine, Swan," I seethed. "Please...don't let me interrupt you."

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" I yelled roughly.

Alice burst through the door. She danced over to me and stopped suddenly when she spotted Rob and Bella on the couch. She gaped at Rob. She looked at me. She looked back at Rob.

_What the FUCK is going on here? _

She walked over to the armchair and flopped down, never taking her eyes off Rob. She glanced quickly at Bella.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" she breathed quietly.

Bella nodded and smiled. "I know, right?"

_Arrrggh!_

_Please, for the love of God, someone tell me what the fuck is happening because I feel like I'm about to lose my mind!_

Rob and I sighed heavily and ran our fingers through our hair.

_DAMMIT! _

"Rob, this is Alice, my best friend and Cullen's sister and manager," Bella said quickly.

Rob reached out to shake Alice's hand.

"Ah yes, Alice, I understand you are quite the connoisseur of cinematic cum-face."

She giggled and took his hand. Her mouth dropped open as she stared at it. She turned to Bella again. Bella nodded energetically.

"I...KNOW!"

I tugged on my hair frantically.

_I need a cigarette – right the fuck NOW!_

There was another knock at the door.

"WHAT?" I screamed furiously.

The head of a frightened production assistant peeked around.

"S-sorry to disturb you, Mr Cullen," she said nervously. "I just wanted to let you and Mr Pattinson know that it's thirty minutes til showtime."

I sighed and mumbled my thanks.

Rob stood up and Bella followed him to the door.

"Well, I'd better get going," he said lightly.

_Yeah ya should, Brit-boy, before I break both your legs and beat you to death with your guitar._

He turned back and gave Bella a quick hug. "Nice to meet you Bella. I'll see you at the after-party?"

_Over my dead body._

"I hope so," she said, smiling.

_Missy, it's going to be a cold day in hell before I let you anywhere near this asshole again._

He shook Alice's hand and slapped me lightly on the shoulder. "Okay, guys, see you later. Have a great show, Edward."

"You too," I muttered through clenched teeth as he closed the door behind him.

Without warning the room was filled with hysterical screaming. I looked around frantically, desperately searching for the horde of fans that had somehow found their way into my dressing room. After a few seconds I realized it was Bella and Alice. They were jumping up and down on the spot, holding hands and squealing like children.

"Oh my God!"

"I know! I couldn't believe it!"

"I couldn't believe it either!"

"Have you ever...?"

"Never!"

"_Dear Lord,"_ I prayed silently, desperately trying to calm myself, _"please tell me what the hell I have done to you to deserve this torture."_

This was fucking ridiculous. I felt like I was going to explode with the amount of tension and jealousy that was currently blasting through my body, and unless I did something about it, immediately, my performance was going to suck – big time.

I slammed my bottle of water down on the bench and stalked off to the bathroom, leaving the screamers behind. I flexed my right hand in anticipation as I closed the door.

"Get ready for a marathon, fingers," I muttered to myself, "Eddie's got a LOT of tension to relieve, and only thirty minutes to do it."

I exhaled as I unbuttoned my jeans and tried to concentrate.

I desperately tried to get the mental image of Bella passionately fucking the Brit out of my head as I I assumed the position and got busy.

* * *

**A/N**

**Next chapter - SNL part II. **

**Let me know your thoughts. I love hearing them.**

**Love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	10. The AfterParty

**Chapter Notes**

**The response to the SNL chapter was immense. Thank you to all to continue to review – you are all rockstars.**

**My Beta-Goddess is Catty-Wan and she rocks my world.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns the Twilight characters. I own a perverted desire to get Rpatz and Edward Cullen in a room together and make them rub oil all over me.**

**Enjoy.**

**Chapter 10 – The After-Party**

**EPOV**

The music swelled. The audience screamed.

"Please thank Edward Cullen!!"

The screaming got louder. Rob put his arm around my shoulders and waved as the rest of the cast crowded around us. I could see Bella and Alice in the front row, screaming and clapping. I tried to keep smiling as people hugged me and whispered their congratulations.

I barely heard Rob lean in and say, "Fucking awesome job, man. Really."

After what seemed like an eternity, the music stopped. Conversations murmured and bubbled around me but I blocked them all out. I mumbled my congratulations to Rob and the cast, and stalked off to the dressing room, slamming the door hard as I threw myself down into the armchair.

_Right. I need to smoke a truck-load of cigarettes, drink some fucking strong alcohol, and inject some shit-hot drugs into myself while screwing the nearest desperate groupie. _

I put my head in my hands and pulled my hair as I tried to calm the madman bouncing off the walls in my brain.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

_You're jealous, idiot._

Of what. Rob and Bella? Nothing happened for Christ's sake. They were just talking.

_Were they? Then why are you so irate?_

I bristled as I thought about how they had joked and laughed with each other like old friends. It was like they had an instant connection. Jesus, she and I fought like cats and dogs for days, but she and Rob? It looked as though they had been best friends forever, and it bugged the hell out of me.

_How dare she have a connection with someone other than you, eh, Cullen? That smug, selfish bitch. I mean she managed without friends for years, and now she has you, Alice, AND the Brit? That greedy cow. _

I pushed violently out of the chair and stared at myself in the mirror.

_You are a stupid, arrogant, selfish son-of-a-bitch Cullen._

Yeah, well, you won't get any argument from me on that.

There was a quick knock at the door, and then Alice burst through, almost tackling me with the ferocity of her hug.

"YOU WERE AMAAAAAZING!" she squealed happily and I smiled in spite of myself. She released her choke hold and put her hands on either side of my face. "God, Edward, I know I can be a bitch sometimes, and I KNOW you sometimes think of all the ways you could kill me so my body will never be found**, **but tonight...tonight is why I do what I do. So people can see how AMAZING you are." She hugged me again and kissed my cheek. "God, I love you, my darling, talented, fabulous brother!"

I hugged her close and whispered, "Thank you Alice."

"I have to go and schmooze the record company reps who came tonight, but I'll see you soon."

As I watched her dash out the door, I noticed Bella. She was standing in the hallway, looking at me.

My breath caught in my throat as she walked towards me.

_My God she is so beautiful._

My heart thudded uncomfortably in my chest. All of my fury and fear dissolved as she came closer. The madman went and sat quietly in the corner, and for the first time all day, I felt...in control.

She stopped in front of me with the most magnificent look on her face. It was a mixture of pride, and lust, and something else that made my lungs constrict painfully. She smiled, and in that moment, I felt so unworthy of her.

"Hey," she breathed, and the tightness in my chest released immediately.

"Hey yourself."

She slid her arms around my waist and stepped into me, sighing quietly as she rested her head on my chest. I encircled her with my arms and pulled her close, closing my eyes and savoringher intoxicating nearness.

_If I was struck by lightning right now, I would die a happy man._

All too soon she pulled back and looked up into my face. "Cullen, tonight....you...were...pretty good."

I laughed and squinted at her. "JUST pretty good?"

She tried to suppress a smile. "Ok, ok...you were...above average."

"Oh, so I've gone from good, to above average?"

"Pleasant?"

"Please..."

"Oh I know! You were very...nice."

I rolled my eyes and groaned. "Kill me now." I pulled her hard against me and gave her my best smouldering gaze. "Swan, you're suffocating my ego here. As my publicist slash fake girlfriend, aren't you supposed to be talking me up?"

"Well," she breathed in a low voice, holding my gaze with her own, "I did consider telling you that I thought you were the most incredibly talented, most devastatingly handsome, and most spectacularly sexy man I have ever laid eyes on, but I thought praise like that would go straight to your head."

I inhaled sharply as my body responded to her eyes, and her words.

I groaned, "You wouldn't have been entirely wrong."

Her eyes moved down my face and rested on my mouth. My hands tangled in her hair as she pressed against me. I closed my eyes and fought the urge to push her up against the wall and plunder her thoroughly.

"Oh for fuck's sake you two, don't you ever learn?"

I looked up to see Alice standing in the doorway, a disgusted expression on her face. She moved between us and pushed us apart.

_Christ, she was strong._

"How many times do I have to say it? NO TOUCHY! Do you both want to explode from unresolved sexual tension? Because you will**, **youknow**. **That shit is dangerous. Sheesh!"

Bella and I looked at each other over Alice's head and sighed.

_God bless you, Alice._

"Now, Edward," she said in her I'm-going-to-tell-you-what-to-do-and-I-won't-take-no-for-an-answer voice. I groaned inwardly. "The record company reps would like to buy you a drink to congratulate you on tonight's performance, so get your crap together and let's go."

Bella looked at me. "But aren't we going to the after-party?"

Suddenly Rob's head peered around the door. "Hey guys," - Alice and Bella's heads whipped around simultaneously - "did you enjoy the show?"

Alice wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. Rob's eyes bugged out of his head slightly.

"Jesus, Alice," he wheezed, "been eating your spinach, love?"

Alice pulled back and looked sheepish. "Good job, Rob," she said sincerely.

Bella walked over and gave him a warm hug. The madman sat up and growled softly.

"You were great, Pattinson," she said fondly. "I was a little disappointed that the cum-face didn't make an appearance, but I guess you can't please all of the people all of the time."

He laughed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Bella, I did consider putting it in, just for you, but I didn't want to be known as a one-trick pony, you know? I want to be respected for my mind and talent, not just because I have a fucking awesome cum-face."

Bella nodded seriously. "I understand. No man can survive on cum-face alone."

He smiled widely at her. The madman laughed bitterly.

_They have a real connection, Cullen, don't they? You'd better watch your step._ _It's different than what you have with her, but it's definitely there. Whatever are you going to do?_

Rob came over to me and slapped me on the shoulder. "And you...Jesus, Edward, you were on fire tonight!" _In more ways than one._ "I mean, I KNEW you'd be awesome, but damn, that was some impressive shit!"

I gagged the madman and kicked him in the balls.

"Thanks, Rob, that means a lot to me. You were fucking great too. That skit with the cheerleaders was hysterical."

He nodded and smirked, "Yep, I do like me some good cheer." He looked over at the girls. "So are we heading off to the party?"

Alice walked over and grabbed my arm.

"First, I have to take Clever Pants here to press some flesh, but why don't you and Bella go on ahead and we'll meet you there shortly?"

The madman punched the wall.

_What the fuck is your sister doing?_ _Is she TRYING to torture you?_

Rob turned to Bella and raised his eyebrows.

"Miss Swan?" he said gallantly. "Would you do me the honor of partying-the-fuck-down with me?" He bowed in front of her. The madman rolled his eyes.

_What a dick._

"Why, yes, Sir Cum-Face," she said in the worst British accent I had ever heard, "yea verily leadest on to the venue of unending merriment and mirth." She looked over to me and smiled as they headed out the door. "See you guys soon. Don't be too long, okay?"

The madman paced furiously.

_You can bank on that._ _I'm not leaving you alone with that asshole for a second longer than necessary._

I grabbed Alice's arm and pulled her quickly along the hallway.

"Alice, I'm telling you this now so you won't throw a shit-fit later. One drink – then we're out of there."

She raised her eyebrows at me as her tiny legs scrambled to match my stride.

"Jesus, Edward, anyone would think that you were in a hurry to get somewhere."

I growled and practically carried her the rest of the way.

***

By the time we left the bar for the after-party, Alice wasn't even trying to keep up with me any more. I sprinted through the hotel lobby and out onto the garden terrace where the party was being held. The madman was whimpering quietly in the corner, traumatized by the possibility that Bella and Rob were somewhere reciting Monty Python to each other and laughing so hysterically that all their clothes had fallen off.

I quickly scanned the crowd. I couldn't see them.

_Not a good sign Cullen._

I pelted down the stairs and smacked into Lorne Michaels.

"Hey, Edward! Fantastic show buddy – really amazing!" _Yeah, yeah – get the fuck out of my way!_ "And Pattinson was hilarious." _Bella certainly thinks so._ _I am going to KILL her if she laughs her clothes off._

"Lorne, have you seem my friend, Bella?" I said desperately. He frowned. "You know, brunette, brown eyes – swears like a trucker with Tourette's?"

His eyes lit up with recognition.

"Oh yeah, Pattinson's girlfriend?" *_fume_* "I think I saw them over near the bar."

I mumbled thanks and stalked through the crowd. At last I saw them. They both had their heads thrown back in laughter – of course. The madman stood on his tip-toes to get a better look.

_Oh thank you, Lord._

Their clothes were still firmly in place. I tried to compose my face into a casual smile as I walked up to them.

Bella turned and saw me. She frowned.

"Jesus, Cullen, are you ok? You look constipated." _*double fume*_

"I'm great, Bella, and how are you? Robert..."

Rob smiled warmly at me. "Cullen, let me get you a drink. What'll you have?"

"Triple rum and coke thanks." Bella smacked me hard in the chest. "Just a coke thanks."

Rob looked at Bella. "And for you, Miss Swan?"

"No thanks, Pattsy." _She did NOT just call him Pattsy!_ "I think I'd better slow down or I'll be in the toilet all night." _Keep drinking._ _You won't be able to call him Pattsy if you're in the ladies' room and you won't try and stop me when I beat him to death with a cocktail __wiener._

The tiny grain of logic still functioning in my jealousy-clouded brain tried to make me see sense.

_Okeeee...time to take a chill pill buddy. You are seriously becoming unhinged...._

YOU'RE unhinged!!!

_...and more than a little immature._

I huffed out a frustrated sigh. Bella looked at me. "Cullen, what the hell is wrong with you?"

_Just tell her. The truth._ _Not some bullshit to protect your stupid sense of pride._

Tell her what? That I'm jealous? That I'm crazed at seeing her with another man, no matter how innocent it is. That I'm in love with her?

_Ooh. Let's focus on that last one. Are you?_

God, I don't know. I've never been in love.

_Have you ever felt what you feel for Bella before?_

_No..._

_Then chances are...._

My thoughts were interrupted when Rob appeared next to us and handed me my drink. Bella was still staring at me but she decided to let it go.

"Ok boys, I'm off to the bathroom. Don't go anywhere alright?"

As she passed me I could swear I heard her mumble something that sounded remarkably like, "Please God, while I'm gone, don't let them morph back into a single person."

I sipped on my coke and noticed Rob looking around, furtively.

"So, Edward, care for a quick fag?"

I blinked.

"I'm sorry?"

He smiled and said, "Would you like to have a fag with me. We can't do it in here obviously because they've made it illegal now, but there's a place just around the corner we could go."

My brain struggled with comprehension.

_Did Pattinson just make a pass at me?_ Jesus_!_

"Look, Rob," I said carefully. "I...um...don't really do that kind of thing..."

He raised his eyebrows. "Really? I thought you did. My mistake."

I was suddenly thrilled and horrified at the same time. Thrilled because Pattsy was obviously an ass-bandit and therefore had no immediate plans to pound my fake-girlfriend, and horrified because I was clearly triggering a big fat alert on his gaydar.

_I should have __realized__ that he was on the other side of the fence. No straight man can look and smell that good._

_Are you SURE you're not gay?_

_Get fucked._

Rob started patting his pockets.

"Well, do you want to come and keep me company while I have a quick one?"

_Jesus, this guy just doesn't give up!_

He finally found what he was looking for and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

Understanding crept up on my brain and slapped it roughly.

_Oh...fag...riiiight._ _Stupid British colloquialisms._

Suddenly, I was relieved and horrified. Relieved that Rob didn't think I was playing for the other team, and horrified that Bella laughing her clothes off with this clown was still a very real possibility.

I stared at the pack of cigarettes. The madman looked around to see if anyone was watching.

_Just one would be ok._ _No-one would have to know._ _It could be our dirty little secret._

I closed my eyes and tried to block out his seductive voice.

"Um...shouldn't we wait for Bella to get back?" I said, trying desperately to maintain my self-control.

Rob pointed to the top of the stairs where Bella and Alice were talking animatedly.

"I think they might be a while, mate," he said with a laugh.

"Okay then," I said simply, "let's go."

I followed Rob as he walked to a small courtyard on the side of the terrace. The madman sneered with triumph.

_Yesssss_!

I felt a need to justify myself.

_I am NOT going to smoke, okay?_ _I will simply observe the Brit smoking and if I happen to inhale his sloppy seconds then there's not much I can do about that._

The madman scoffed. _Whatever, Cullen._

We reached the courtyard and I noticed that a covered walkway led out onto the street. Rob put a cigarette in his mouth and lit up. As he exhaled I moved closer, desperate for the sweet smell.

As the familiar scent reached my nostrils, I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes as a small groan escaped my lips.

"Um...Edward?"

My eyes snapped open and I saw Rob staring at me with concern.

"If you really want one, mate, I have plenty."

He pushed the open packet towards me and my heart rate sped up. I glanced longingly at the neat white tubes nestled in the crisp golden foil. The madman started dragging a metal cup across the bars of his cage.

He screamed at me, "_What do we want?!_ _CIGARETTES!_ _When do we want 'em?!_ _NOW!"_

I ran my fingers through my hair and groaned again.

"I really shouldn't, I'm trying to quit," I said pathetically.

Rob nodded.

"Oh, well, good for you, mate. I've never had much luck giving them up, but I'd like to. Filthy fucking habit."

He started closing the pack. I grabbed it desperately from his hand and yanked it back open.

"Oh, Jesus, Pattinson, stop the hard sell okay? You've talked me into it."

I quickly pulled out a smoke and placed it between my lips. I looked at Rob expectantly. He looked nervous.

"Edward, are you sure you want to do this?"

The madman blazed behind my eyes and I had to resist the urge to punch the Brit in his pretty nose. I glared at him and spoke around the precious tube clenched firmly between my teeth.

"Shut the fuck up, Rob, and light the goddamn cigarette."

He shrugged and touched the lighter to the tip. I inhaled deeply.

_Oh God._

My throat burned. My eyes started to water. A faint wave of nausea rippled through my stomach.

_Oh sweet nicotine, how I've missed you! If heaven was on fire and full of cell-destroying tar, it would taste like this._

I blew out the smoke and immediately felt the madman massaging my shoulders.

_There now, isn't that better._ _THIS is why you should listen to me more often._ _I give you what you want._ _What you NEED. Just stop fighting me, Cullen, and we'll both be so much happier. _

I ignored him. I'd let him have this little victory, but it was going to be the exception, not the rule. Rob and I smoked in silence for a few seconds, each enjoying some quiet time with our addiction.

He turned to me, suddenly animated.

"Hey, do you mind if we pop down the street and grab a newspaper? There's supposed to be a review of Little Ashes in today and I'd like to send it to my Mum."

I inhaled again and let the smoke out in a relaxed puff.

"Sure, Rob."

_I would go anywhere with you at the moment, my sweet provider of smokey goodness._

We walked down the covered walkway and out onto the street. There was a convenience store down at the end of the block and we started walking towards it.

"Hey, Edward," Rob said carefully, "what's the story with you and Bella?"

I dragged on my cigarette.

_That is a very fine question my British friend._ _If I knew the story, or even had the cliff notes to the story, I wouldn't spend most of my time obsessing over her and treating my penis like a pull-toy._

I sighed.

"Bella and I...are...complicated," I admitted.

Rob looked at me.

"So are you dating?"

I shook my head.

"No. Definitely not dating."

"Fucking?"

The madman rolled his eyes. _I wish..._

"Nope."

Rob frowned at me, "Then what the hell is going on between you? Are you just friends?"

The madman chortled to himself.

_We COULD be friends with benefits if pussy-willow here would ever grow a pair._

"Rob, one thing I do know, is that we're not _just_ friends."

He dragged on his cigarette.

"So what are you?"

I sighed.

"Rob, Bella and I....we have this...thing. She is the only person I have ever met who can calm me down and wind me up at the same time, you know? She's incredibly annoying, unbelievably opinionated and the funniest person I know. She's..." - B_eautiful_? _Headstrong?_ _Damaged_? _The woman you love?_ - "...she's...Bella."

Rob chuckled under his breath and stubbed out his cigarette in a nearby trash can. My eyes snapped to him as I did the same.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"Man, you are soooooo screwed."

I nodded and exhaled.

"I know."

We started walking again.

"So what about you, Pattinson? Do you have a girlfriend."

_Please let him say yes, then I won't have to murder him the next time he goes near my woman._

"Nope. Just broke up with someone though."

"Oh yeah? What was she like?"

"She was gorgeous. Intelligent. Witty as all hell."

"So obviously way too good for you."

He laughed, "Totally. Actually, she was a lot like Bella."

The madman clenched his teeth. _WHAT did he just say?_

Rob glanced at me and started laughing.

"Jesus, Cullen, settle down. You look like you want to kill me."

I tried to calm myself. He patted me on the shoulder and offered me another cigarette. I took one and he lit it quickly.

"Look, I'm not going to lie to you and say that I don't find Bella attractive, because I do. She's incredible, and if she didn't look at you like you were the center of the universe, then I would be desperately trying to sweep her off her feet..." - the madman roared possessively - "...but I can see that you two have some major mojo happening between you and I would never do anything to jeopardize that."

We stopped at the front of the convenience store and Rob opened the door. He turned back to me.

"But know this - the second you fuck things up with that girl – game on," he said with a smile.

I shook my head and laughed.

"Get your fucking newspaper, Pattinson, before I beat the living shit out of you."

He laughed and entered the store.

I smoked quietly while I waited.

I really liked the Brit, and I was both outraged and respectful of his honesty. It reinforced to me what an incredible woman Bella was. If I never did anything else right for the rest of my life, I would tell Bella how I felt about her, and dedicate every waking moment to making her happy. I looked at the cigarette in my hand, and inexplicably, I suddenly didn't want it any more.

I stubbed it out as Rob came out of the store. He had the paper open and was frowning gravely. I leaned into him and read the review over his shoulder.

_Oh_. _Not good._

He shut the paper quickly and threw it in the bin.

"Oh well," he said lightly, "guess I won't be sending that one to Mum after all."

I patted him on the back.

"Don't worry about it, man. Reviewers don't know what the fuck they're talking about."

We started walking back to the hotel.

"Yeah, that's easy for you to say, Cullen," he said laughing, "you haven't gotten a bad review in your life."

I nodded sagely.

"My point exactly."

We had just started laughing when we heard it.

"Holy shit! Is that Edward Cullen over there?!"

"OMG it sooo is. Is he with RPATTZ? NO...WAY!"

"AAAHHHHHHHHHGHH! Quick, before we lose them!!"

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! EDWAAAAAAAAAAARD**! **ROBEEEEEEEEERT!!"

Rob and I looked at each other in horror.

"Screamers," we said at the same time.

The screaming got louder as we turned and sprinted down the street.

***

"I think we lost them," Rob whispered, gasping for breath.

I peeked out from the dumpster we were crouching behind. The irony of our location wasn't lost on me.

I could still hear them in the distance.

"Let's just give it a couple more minutes, just to be sure," I panted.

My lungs were burning and my pulse was pounding. I looked over at Rob. He looked positively green. His eyes were closed and he was wheezing alarmingly.

"Rob," I whispered urgently, "are you okay?"

He opened his eyes and looked at me.

"Mate, the screamers fucking freak me out...and I seriously need to give up the fags."

I nodded and said, "I know how you feel."

He closed his eyes again and pushed his back against the wall.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we go now? I really need to piss."

I listened intently. The voices were coming closer again.

"They disappeared somewhere around here..."

"Jesus, Amy, if you hadn't stopped to fix your lipstick we would have caught them!"

"Shut up, Mel! I wasn't going to meet the two hottest men on the planet without an appropriate amount of gloss, okay?!!"

"Well, you're not going to meet them at all now**, **areyou**, **idiot? They're gone!!"

"They have to be here somewhere. Just keep looking!!"

I ran my fingers through my hair and noticed Rob do the same.

"Just a few more minutes**, **Rob, and they'll give up, okay?"

He squirmed uncomfortably. "I don't think I can wait that long, man."

"Oh, well," I looked around, "if you really can't hold it, piss over there," I said, pointing to a grate in the pavement a few feet away, "I'll keep watch."

He got up and dashed over to the grate. I heard his fly unzip and he sighed with satisfaction as he relieved himself. I peeked around the corner as I waited for him to finish....and waited...and waited...and waited.

"Christ, Pattinson," I said in awe, "how much have you had to drink?"

"What can I say, Edward?" he said laughing, "I have a gargantuan bladder."

Finally, he finished and I heard him him swear softly.

"What's up?" I said mildly.

"My damn fly is stuck."

"Well unstick it."

"Brilliant idea, Cullen, why didn't I think of that." I could hear him grunt with frustration. "Move...you...motherfucker..."

I looked over at him. He was bent over his fly and each time he yanked on it he jumped a little.

I snorted and burst out laughing. He looked over his shoulder and glared at me.

"Yeah, yeah...very bloody amusing. Would you please get over here and help me?"

I laughed harder.

"Pattinson, there is no way I am putting my hands down there, okay? I know your reputation**, **man**. **I could catch all sorts of nasty germs."

He glowered and did another little jump as he yanked.

"CULLEN! Get your arse over here now or I will kick you in the nutbag!"

I got up, still giggling and walked over to him. I bent over to see what was going on.

"You've got your shirt caught in it, dumbass," I chortled.

He pulled on his shirt. It wouldn't budge.

"Fuck! It's jammed, I can't get it out."

"Oh, Christ, let me do it. You have to pull it down first." I knelt down in front of him and tried to pull the zipper down. It stubbornly refused to move. "Nope, definitely stuck."

It was at that moment, while I was on my knees with my hand firmly grasping the front of Rob's pants, that a barrage of flash bulbs went off, filling the darkened alley with an explosion of light. Rob and I looked up in horror to see a paparazzo there, snapping away like his life depended on it.

He was grinning like a maniac.

"Oh, boys," he breathed, ecstatic, "I am soooo glad I overheard those girls looking for you. You have just made my fucking CAREER!"

He dashed out of the alley.

Rob and I looked at each other and groaned.

This was bad. This was VERY bad.

***

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...." Rob was chanting quietly under his breath as we walked back to the hotel. "My manager is going to rip me a new one when she hears about this." He shoved his hands in his pockets angrily.

"Relax, Rob," I laughed. "There are worse things than being caught in an alley with a famous rock-star who seems to be going down on you...." My voice trailed off.

_Shit, that's what people are going to think, isn't it?_

"Name one," Rob said bitterly.

My brain struggled. "Um...you could have been getting blown by a complete nobody?"

He laughed. "Ah, fuck it, Cullen. If I had to come out of the closet, I'm glad it was with you. You're a damn attractive man."

I smiled at him. "You too, Pattsy."

We both laughed as we walked back into the lobby.

"Okay, we just walk back into the party like nothing has happened," I said confidently. I couldn't even imagine what Alice's reaction was going to be when those photos surfaced. Maybe if I took out life insurance on her now, I could really clean up when her head exploded.

I squealed like a girl when Alice suddenly stepped in front of me.

"Where the FUCK have you been, Edward?" she seethed. "Everyone has been looking for you!"

Rob and I looked at each other. Alice narrowed her eyes at me.

"Edward?" she said in a menacing tone, "You look guilty...and sick...and a little bit happy." She gasped and hit me hard in the chest. _Fuck!_ "You've been smoking!"

I looked down.

_Busted._

"You stupid, stupid man! After everything you went through over the past week. How could you?"

My mind raced, desperate to find an excuse. I pointed to Pattinson.

"He made me do it Alice! It's all his fault."

Rob held up his hands. "Hey come on...I just handed him the gun. He pulled the trigger."

Alice's gaze intensified up to Defcon 4 as she scrutinized us both. Rob whimpered quietly.

"Is there anything else you boys would like to tell me?" she asked, dangerously.

Rob and I glanced at each other, fear filling our eyes. I shook my head imperceptibly, and an unspoken agreement passed between us. We turned back to the tiny ball-breaker in front of us.

"No, Alice," we mumbled simultaneously.

She glared at us for a few more seconds before grabbing my arm in her vice-like grip.

_Jesus_! _Ow!_

"Right, you're coming with me so you can thank the producers and cast before everyone goes home. See you later, Rob," she called as she dragged me through the crowd.

"Bye, sweetie," he called, "I'll see you later. You too, Alice."

I could hear him laughing to himself as we moved away.

_Asshole._

***

Half an hour later, Alice had released me on good behaviour, and I searched through the crowd for Bella. I'd made up my mind to tell her how I felt – no bullshit, no stalling. Just the simple truth - I was in love with her.

God, even thinking about saying it made my heart thud out of my chest.

I think part of me had always known I was in love with her, from the very first moment we had met in that filthy alley. Nobody had ever mademe feel the way she did. The way her eyes blazed into me, the way she could make me laugh in any situation, the way she made me want to murder every person who had ever hurt her, the way she could ignite my body with a single gaze – this is the woman I was meant to be with, I was certain of that, and for once in my life, I was NOT going to fuck this up.

When I finally saw her, my heart leapt into my throat. She was with Rob. They were sitting at the very end of the terrace, away from most of the party-goers. They sat on a low stone bench and their heads were close together. They weren't laughing.

I stopped breathing.

I stepped behind a large planter and watched them, my breath becoming ragged as my mind swirled with poisonous thoughts. The madman watched too and I could feel his fury rising in my blood.

They were looking into each other's eyes. Rob was talking softly. Bella shook her head and leaned into him, trying to explain something. Rob took her hand and Bella sighed heavily.

_Bella, please, don't do this._

I felt emotion rising in my throat. I swallowed uncomfortably and took in an uneven breath.

_Do I really mean that little to you that you latch onto the first good-looking asshole who comes along?_

I felt a sharp pain in my chest as I realized for the first time that Bella might not actually feel the same way about me as I did about her. The madman started banging his head against a wall.

_Bella...please...just get up and walk away._ Bella looked down. She didn't walk away. _Rob...come on man, please...get away from her._ _You said you wouldn't do this._ _I thought you were my friend._ The madman laughed bitterly. Bella's shoulders slumped. Rob reached out and touched her face. The madman went berserk.

_YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER, PATTINSON!!_ _YOU SWORE YOU WOULDN'T COME BETWEEN US! YOU'RE A FUCKING DEAD MAN!!_

I desperately tried to calm myself down but the madman was too powerful. Seeing them together like this had given him superhuman strength.

I stepped out from behind the planter, and my fists clenched as the madman anticipated ruining the Brits perfect face. I marched toward them, fury filling my mind and boiling my blood. Every muscle in my body tensed and my teeth clenched viciously.

Suddenly, my murderous progression was halted as a tall, blonde glamazon stepped in front of me.

"Edward?" she breathed sexily.

The madman was slightly distracted. His gaze flicked from the dead man with Bella to the sexy blonde in front of him.

H_mmmm...eanie, meanie, minie, mo..._

"Edward? It me...Rosalie...remember?"

The madman squinted at the beautiful blonde and recognition broke through the red rage.

_Rosalie...riiiiiight._

We'd hooked up about a year ago, just before I went into rehab for the third time. We'd had an unbelievable sex marathon that had lasted three days, fueledby copious amounts of tequila and cocaine.

She raised her eyebrow at me, and licked her lips. "You do remember me, don't you, Edward?"

My rage evaporated and was suddenly replace by fear. The rational, sane part of my brain sat up and started scrambling for cover.

_Edward, get away from this girl, NOW!_

She stepped towards me. I stepped back.

"Do you remember our lost weekend, Edward? All the things we did to each other?"

The madman started touching himself and I immediately became hard.

_Tell her you don't remember and get the fuck out of here._

"I remember," I said in a strangled voice. She kept moving forward. I backed up into the planter and she pressed up against me.

"We could pick up where we left off. My apartment is just around the corner..."

I glanced over at Bella. Rob was hugging her and stroking her hair.

_Fucking prick!_

I looked back at the sex-bomb in front of me. Her face was very close now and I could feel her alcohol soaked breath whisper across my lips. The madman groaned as she reached up and ran her fingers along my jaw line.

_Cullen, this has to stop._ _You don't want this tramp, you want Bella._ _Fight for her for God's sake!!_

I took a deep breath and grabbed the blonde's hand away from my face.

"Sorry, Rosalie," I said softly, "I'm seeing someone."

Her eyes flickered with hurt, before the anger set in.

"You're seeing someone?" she spat sarcastically, "Jesus, Cullen, I don't want a goddamn engagement ring**, **I just want to you to fuck me!"

She grabbed the back of my head roughly and pulled my lips down to hers. Her tongue pushed forcefully into my mouth as I tried to loosen her grip. I grabbed her hand from the back of my head and wrenched it away, pushing her from me with a little too much force.

"No!" I gasped.

I exhaled and looked at her angrily.

"No."

I dropped her hands and stepped around her. "Goodbye, Rosalie," I said firmly.

As I turned to go I saw the back of Bella's head as she stormed off. I looked up to see Rob standing a few feet away, looking at me with disappointment.

_No, no, NO!_

I turned and saw Bella disappearing into the lobby of the hotel as Rob sighed beside me.

"Cullen, you are a first-class dick-head, did you know that?"

I spun around and my fury flared again.

"What about you, Pattinson?" I spat angrily, "You feed me this bullshit about how you can see how connected Bella and I are, and then I come out here to find you all over the woman you KNOW I have feelings for. What the fuck is THAT all about?"

He ran his fingers through his hair roughly.

"Is that what you think you saw?" he demanded. "Cullen, Bella was telling me how hard it was to stay away from you, how much it killed her to not be with you the way she desperately wants to. I was reassuring her that you felt the same way, you IDIOT! I THOUGHT I was doing you a favor!!" My breathing stopped. "Then we turn around and see you sucking on a mystery blonde?! What the fuck is THAT all about?!"

My cheeks flushed with shame as I pinched the bridge of my nose and groaned loudly.

"I wasn't sucking on her..._she_ grabbed me...I was trying to get her off."

I heard Rob sigh.

"Unfortunately, Cullen, it really didn't look that way." I looked up at him and saw the pity in his eyes. "You should probably go and find Bella." He looked at me with sympathy. "Sucks to be you mate."

I swallowed the bile that was quickly rising in my throat and sprinted towards the steps. I pushed people roughly aside, not caring as they mumbled obscenities at me. I vaguely registered Alice's shocked face as I raced past her.

I streaked through the lobby and burst out into the night, stopping to look around frantically, searching for any sign of Bella. I raked my fingers through my hair furiously as I scanned the street on either side of me. Finally, I saw a glimpse of brown hair in the distance to my left and I sped toward it.

As I got closer I could see the fury in her gait.

"Bella!"

She ignored me and sped up. I ran faster.

"Bella, stop!"

She started running, swerving so she could head down a side street.

_Fuck_!

I put everything I had left into sprinting toward her, closing the gap between us. I grabbed her arm and pulled her toward me.

"Bella," I gasped, "please...let me explain."

She whipped around and slapped me hard across the face. All of my breath left my body. I looked at her, stunned. Her eyes were murderous and full of hurt. I sucked in a breath and opened my mouth to speak. She rocked back and hit me again - harder.

_Jesus! That fucking hurt!_

I grabbed both her hands and forced her back against a nearby wall, pressing my body against hers.

"Would you PLEASE stop hitting me," I seethed. She squirmed violently beneath me. Her face was red with rage and her teeth were clenched.

"Get the fuck OFF me, Cullen!" she yelled.

I forced her hands against the wall and pushed into her harder.

"Not until you settle the fuck down and listen to what I have to say."

"Why should I?" she spat. "I doubt very much you can explain to me why slut-bag Barbie was licking your tonsils!"

She grunted and tried to tug her hands free. I lay the full weight of my body against her and felt the air rush out of her lungs. Her eyes blazed up at me, and seeing her hurt and indignation made my chest ache.

"Look, Swan," I said darkly, "just give me a second, okay? I know how you must be feeling..."

She cut me off.

"I saw you, Cullen," she rasped.

She dropped her eyes, embarrassment and betrayal crossing her face.

"I saw you, and my fucking brain imploded because I thought, stupidly, that you and I had something...special." Her breathing hitched and my heart broke into tiny pieces. "I saw you attached to that goddamn Victoria's Secret model and I fucking lost it. It took everything I had to walk away from you and not beat you senseless." She looked up at me again and the murder was back in her eyes. "The only time I felt anything CLOSE to this was the night I almost killed Phil, and let me tell you, if I'd had a baseball bat tonight, we would NOT be having this conversation."

She growled at me and started struggling with renewed vigor.

"So, back off, asshole!" she yelled, bucking beneath me, "You have no IDEA how the fuck I feel!"

"I DO know how you're feeling!" I bellowed as I struggled to hold her down. "Bella, you don't know what sort of purgatory I've been in from the moment you met Pattinson today!"

The struggling weakened as she looked at me quickly, confusion crossing her face. I gritted my teeth and decided to expose to her just how fucked up I truly was.

"Do you know what it was like for me to watch you two together?! For a start, you looked at him like he was a fucking Greek God come to earth! He left you speechless, Swan, and I haven't known you for all that long, but I honestly thought that was a motherfucking impossibility! But there you were, stunned into silence by the pretty Brit! THEN you two start channelling some goddamn comedy routine like you've known each other your whole lives...you call him by his last name...he made you SQUIRM for god's sake while you talked about his CUM-FACE! Bella, I thought I had died and gone to hell because I didn't understand how I could feel so much rage, and pain, and jealously, and FEAR and still be living! Every time you looked at him I wanted to claw my eyes out of my head. Every time you touched him I wanted to pound him into a fleshy mess...and when I saw you two out on the terrace...talking...touching...intimately...I fucking snapped! I have never wanted to hurt someone as much as I wanted to hurt Pattinson tonight...for being with you when I wasn't...for touching you when I couldn't. I went fucking BERSERK Bella, and if Rosalie hadn't stepped in front of me when she did, then our friend Rob would be in a fucking emergency room right about now!!!"

I panted heavily as my pulse thudded uncomfortably. I looked at her expectantly. She had stopped struggling and her mouth had fallen open. I waited for her to say something...anything.

_Oh Christ, that's actually tipped her over the edge._ _I laid out all my crazy on the table and she'd snapped at the enormity of it._

I let her go and set her gently on her feet. Her eyes suddenly blazed into consciousness and she slapped me again.

_Jesus H._ _Christ!!_

"Would you PLEASE stop doing that!" I yelled. She was on fire, slapping at my face and chest with the ferocity of a hellcat.

"OW! BELLA...fuck...STOP IT!!"

I grabbed her wrists and pushed her back against the wall before she could do more damage. She gritted her teeth and grunted, trying desperately to push me away.

_My God, she's magnificent when she's furious._

I immediately got a raging hard-on, and stifled a moan.

"You are truly one of the STUPIDEST men I have ever met!" she spat, acidly. "You see everything and understand NOTHING!" She stopped struggling slightly and I carefully kept my pelvis away from her. "You think I was crushing on Pattinson? Christ, what an idiot! The only reason he stunned me into silence was because he looked so much like YOU! His face, his hair, his goddamn hands!! You two could be brothers for God's sake! The main difference is that when I'm with HIM, I can actually function. I don't have my traitorous body screaming at me to touch him and be touched. I can talk to him without the obsessive compulsion to taste him and pleasure him. So yes, THAT is a nice fucking change from being with you!!"

She started struggling again and I pressed the full length of my body, and my erection, against her. Her eyes widened and she gasped.

I closed my eyes and tried to breathe.

When I opened them she was glaring at me, her eyes dark with desire.

"And you think HE made me squirm? When he was talking about his cum-face, all I could think about was how many times I had imagined YOUR cum-face while I stroked myself into a frenzy to relieve a FRACTION of the sexual tension I have over not seeing your ACTUAL cum-face!"

I throbbed uncomfortably at her words and tried to control my spiralling heart-rate.

She pressed her head back against the wall and closed her eyes, sighing deeply. I saw her eyelids squeeze together and a pained look flickered across her features. When she opened her eyes, a dawning look of horror spread across her face as she looked at me with incredulity.

"Is THAT why you suckedfacewithblondie-whore? Because you thought I was hot for Rob? To get back at me? To hurt me?" I opened my mouth to answer her but I was cut off by the renewed violence of her struggles. "You sad, sadistic FUCKER!!"

She pushed with all of her might, but I countered, quickly crushing us both back into the wall with all of my considerable weight. The air rushed out of our lungs and for a second we were both too winded to speak.

Eventually, I inhaled jaggedly.

"Bella," I said between clenched teeth, "I didn't kiss her...she kissed me." I moved my weight off her slightly and felt her gasp for breath. Her fiery gaze never left mine. "If you had waited one more second before storming off, you would have seen me push her away, roughly."

She tugged at her hands again and I relaxed my grip, staring into her eyes, desperately trying to communicate to her the sincerity of my words.

"She was someone from my past, Bella, from a time when fucking aimlessly and being high was enough for me. But that was a long time ago, before rehab, before I ran down that stupid alley and met you. Now, I need more. You've made me WANT more."

I moved my body off hers and she looked almost disappointed at the loss of contact.

I sighed and continued, "Christ, Bella, she could have danced around naked in front of me doing the 'fuck-me-hard-with-no-consequences-or-complications' dance, and I couldn't have cared less. All I could think about was you - you goddamn annoying, beautiful, sensual fucking shrew."

She blinked at me and her expression changed, confusion and uncertainty flickering across her face. I started rubbing her fingers with my own, pouring as much tenderness and sincerity as possible into my touch.

My heart constricted as I barely mustered the breath to whisper, "Please believe me, Bella. It's you that I want. Not her."

She pulled her right hand free and brought it up to slap me again. I caught it and pulled it to my chest, pressing it against my thundering heart.

"Bella..." I breathed as I let her other hand go and entwined her fingers in mine, "...say you believe me."

Her eyes fluttered as her breathing sped up. The fire still burned in her eyes**, **but her face softened. She searched my face.

"You're lying," she said softly.

I stared back with absolute honesty.

"I'm not."

The hand on my chest constricted, squeezing me hard through my shirt. I closed my eyes and hissed.

"Cullen, do you know what it did to me when I saw you with her?" she seethed. Her other hand left mine and reached up to my face. "I felt like my head was going to explode." She traced my ear lightly and tangled her fingers in my hair. My eyes fluttered open and I knew they were black with desire.

I drank in the expression on her face. It was intense, and passionate, and it thrilled me to my core.

She was jealous. Fiercely jealous. As insanely possessive of me as I was of her.

My heart thundered to life in my chest and I groaned with pleasure. Bella's eyes grew wide at the sound and she pulled my hair roughly, making me gasp. She pulled my face down so it was hovering just about hers, her sweet breath pulsing across my face. I could smell her incredible aroma and I unconsciously ground my throbbing erection into her. She inhaled noisily and fixed me with an intense stare.

"If you EVER make me feel like that again, Cullen," she said menacingly, "I will make you pay. Do you understand me?"

I eased forward, my mouth lingering just above hers, breathing her in. We were both panting as our eyes raked over each other hungrily. She pulled my hair again, making me groan.

"Do you understand me, Cullen?" she whispered.

I tangled my hands in her hair.

"Yes, Bella," I growled as I gave up control, "I understand."

Unable to hold back any longer I took her mouth in mine, hungrily licking and sucking her sweetness into me. She groaned as I thrust my tongue into her mouth and trailed my hands down her back.

_Jesus._

Every part of me exploded to life, pulsing with need for her, unable to get enough of her touch, her taste.

I savoredand caressed every muscle and curve, running my hands over her arms and back and waist and hips, desperate to feel her, to have her feel me in return.

When I reached her ass, I cupped it roughly and squeezed. She moaned and lifted her leg up, wrapping it around my hip and tilting her pelvis into mine.

_Oh, fuck!_

I pulled away and gasped for breath as I felt her moist heat grind against my rock-hard erection, unable to believe the raw power her body had over mine. I panted and pulled both of her legs up around my waist, grinding into her fiercely, needing to get as close to her as I possibly could . She gasped and brought her mouth to my neck, sucking me roughly, her teeth and tongue driving my fucking insane. Her hands roamed over my arms and chest, setting every muscle she stroked ablaze.

I started rocking against her, rhythmically, as she suckled my neck and ear, groaning loudly as I felt the unmistakable pressure building within me.

"Oh Jesus...Edward," she groaned and I almost lost my mind with the pleasure that pulsed through my body at the sound of my own name.

"Bella," I rasped, "I'm so sorry I hurt you."

I kissed her deeply, still grinding and building. I trailed my mouth along her throat and she threw her head back, letting me taste the sweet saltiness of her skin. My hands explored her glorious body and she trembled beneath my touch, whimpering and moaning and clutching at me desperately.

"You are everything to me," I murmured against her neck, "I don't know what I would do if I lost you."

"Edward...God, I need you....always..." She whimpered and pushed against me harder, rubbing her crotch up along my length and back down again. "Oh, Jesus Edward! I can't get close enough to you!"

She tugged my hair fiercely again and pulled me back to her mouth. We both groaned as our tongues found each other and our bodies continued their excruciating rhythm.

"God, Bella," I gasped as I wrenched my mouth from hers, "I love you so much."

Suddenly, time stopped.

We both stopped breathing.

She pulled back and stared at me, shock and amazement passing across her face as she panted noisily. My eyes searched hers. My own breath was deafening in my ears and the seconds ticked by in silence.

_Christ, say something, Swan...please._

Her mouth opened and closed, and her eyebrows furrowed. She unwrapped her legs from around my waist, and I unwillingly set her down, my body screaming in frustration as she stepped away from me.

She leaned back against the wall and took in a shuddering breath.

_Please, Bella, talk to me..._

I leaned forward and placed my hands on either side of her head, forcing her to look me in the eyes.

She blinked quickly and shook her head as if she was trying to clear her thoughts.

"I'm sorry, Cullen, what did you just say?"

I laughed softly and leaned in closer, hovering just above her face.

"I'm in love with you, Swan," I whispered, my heart exploding with unexplained delight at the sound of those simple words.

The sane part of my brain cowered in the corner, awaiting her reaction.

She frowned again.

_Uh-oh._ _This does not look good._

She blustered as she tried to find the right words.

"You're...what? What do you mean? You're in..what? What the hell!? You can't be 'in love' with me Cullen. Jesus, you barely know me! I'm annoying...and...and...you're an asstard...and...it's just impossible...that you...." she screwed up her face and rubbed her hands furiously over her eyes. "THERE IS JUST NO POSSIBLE WAY ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING EARTH THAT THE MAN OF MY DREAMS IS FUCKING IN LOVE WITH ME, OKAY?!"

My heart pounded and faltered as she panted heavily, and I reached over to remove her hands from her face. She resisted, so I started kissing her hands tenderly, gently brushing my lips across the warm skin, reassuring her that what I said was the truth.

She whimpered.

Slowly, her hands fell away from her face and I brought my lips down to hers, kissing her reverently, and lovingly, savoringthe softness of her lips, the sweet nectar of her tongue. I inhaled her aroma and sighed in sheer delight, pulling away just enough to be able to look into her eyes. They were glistening with tears.

"Oh Jesus, Bella, no..."

I pulled her to my chest and wrapped my arms around her, holding her against me as she sobbed gently, oblivious to the fact that my own tears had started to fall.

"Bella, please...I'm sorry. Whatever I've done, I'm sorry." I buried myself in her hair as her arms reached around my neck and squeezed. "My beautiful Bella," I whispered, "I'm sorry."

She pulled back suddenly and punched me in the arm.

"You fucking should be, Cullen!" she spat, anger blazing through her still-wet eyes. "How dare you?"

I looked at her, confused.

"How dare you save me from a life on the streets and take me to live with you in your luxury penthouse?!"

She started poking me in the chest, hard, pushing me backwards.

"How dare you treat me with decency and respect and allow me to spend time with your spectacular sister? How dare you change my life in so many ways that I will NEVER be able to repay you, no matter how hard I try. And finally, how DARE you fall in love with me when you KNOW I will never, EVER be worthy of everything you give me!!"

We had reached the other side of the alley and my back hit the wall with a hushed thud. She glared at me.

I shrugged.

"Quite frankly, Swan, if you didn't want me to fall in love with you then you shouldn't be such an incredible fucking woman. You only have yourself to blame."

The corners of her mouth turned up, and she reached over and touched my cheek tenderly, grazing her fingers across my jaw as I closed my eyes and sighed. I felt her mouth press gently to mine and I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against me. Our lips moved over each other languidly, gradually building heat. I groaned and pushed my tongue into her mouth and she sucked it sensually, making my erection even harder as I pushed against her. She gasped and pulled away, and a pathetic whimper escaped my mouth at the loss of contact.

Without another word she grabbed my hand and pulled me forcefully out of the alley, striding purposefully into the street and hailing a cab. She opened the door quickly and shoved me inside, mumbling the address of our hotel to the driver before pulling my face back to hers, ravaging my mouth with new ferocity.

I moaned and pulled away.

"Swan," I gasped, "what are you doing?"

She plundered me with her tongue again before answering, panting and gasping, "I'm taking you back to our apartment, Cullen, where I'm going to make you see the face of God and forget your own name."

Our eyes locked and the electricity between us was almost painful.

I shrugged slightly as I struggled to breathe.

"Ok."

She pulled my hair roughly and devoured me again, moaning into my mouth as I ran my hands down to her breasts, fingering her erect nipples. She groaned my name and my cock ached fiercely, desperate to be inside her, to feel her warmth surround me.

She finally pulled back, her lips swollen and plump, her eyes burning into me in a way that made breathing nearly fucking impossible. She panted and touched her fingers to my lips, gently tracing the soft skin as my eyes gazed into hers.

"By the way, Cullen," she said with the most spectacular look on her face that I'd ever seen, "I'm in love with you too. In case you were wondering."

My heart exploded at her words. I cupped her face with my hands and traced her magnificent features, my blood pounding in my veins as everything in the world that wasn't my Bella faded into insignificance.

I was shaken into reality by the cab shuddering to a halt. I threw a wad of cash at the driver and pulled Bella quickly into the building.

I punched the elevator button impatiently, and when it arrived I picked up Bella and shoved her inside, pinning her up against the wall and burying myself in her neck, suckling the delicate flesh hungrily while she tugged fiercely on my hair and groaned loudly. Without warning she reached down and grasped my erection through my jeans, making my head fly backwards as I growled with pleasure.

All too soon, and not fucking soon enough, the elevator doors opened and I threw Bella roughly over my shoulder, racing down the hallway to our door. I fumbled in my wallet for the key-card and thrust it clumsily in the lock, trying to control my trembling fingers and stampeding hormones. I finally slammed the door open and sprinted toward my bedroom, gripping Bella's rocking ass as I went.

As I reached the living room, I screeched to a grinding halt.

Alice was standing in the middle of the room, her hands on her hips.

I stopped breathing and set Bella gently down on her feet, hearing her take in a shuddering breath as she saw Alice.

"What's going on guys?" Alice said with a disturbingly even tone.

My brain struggled to function. All of my blood was currently otherwise engaged, maintaining my incredibly hard and painful erection.

I looked at Bella. She looked back, and I could see the strain of her not being able to touch me play across her face. She looked down at my erection and groaned softly.

Suddenly, her eyes lit with determination and she turned back to Alice.

"Alice," she said in a confident voice that made my cock even harder, "Edward is in love with me and I'm in love with him. Now, I'm going to ravage him passionately and loudly in that bedroom, so unless you want to be permanently traumatized by the sound of your brother cumming hard and repeatedly, I would highly suggest you go out for a couple of hours."

Bella grabbed my hand firmly and pulled me toward the bedroom. I vaguely registered the supreme look of surprise on Alice's face as we passed her.

"Better make that three or four hours," I called over my shoulder as I slammed the bedroom door and took Bella in my arms.

***

**Author's Notes**

**Hmm...well it looks like the next chapter might have some schmexin'. **

**Best bring extra panties for that one.**

**Leave me some review love and make Rob and Edward very happy fake-gay-lovers.**

**Love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	11. Unacceptable Touching Marathon

**Author's Notes**

_***runs in panting***_

**Ok...***_**huff**_***...sorry...this chapter has taken slightly longer than expected. ***_**puff**_***...Ran out of panties...had to go buy more...**

**Big groping hugs to all to have been reviewing. You know I love you all and value your comments and hilarity. You are all made of awesome.**

**To Catty-Wan, my gorgeous guru and bootylicious Beta - I love you and if you were a man I would have your children.**

**Hawk ***_**sigh**_***....no more needs to be said.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns these characters. I own three hundred bucks worth of new knickers. ***_**blush**_*****

**And counting down...in three...two...one.....go the smut.**

**Chapter 11- Unacceptable Touching Marathon**

**BPOV**

Edward slammed the door and pulled me slowly into his arms as he leaned back against the door and sighed.

"Hi," he breathed, his voice pouring over me like warm honey.

I reached out and placed my hand on his chest.

"Hi yourself."

I could feel his heart thudding strongly under my palm, his chest rising and falling as we stared at each other, neither of us unable to believe that after everything we'd been through together, we were finally here – about to see each other naked for the first time.

Every cell in my body felt drawn to him, connected to him, aroused by him. We gazed at each other intensely, drinking in every detail. The hushed echoes of our synchronized breathing filled the silence.

My mind was still reeling with what had happened tonight.

When I think about the range of emotions that had passed through my body – frustration, confusion, rage, ferocious jealousy – it was difficult to believe that I was now in the arms of this perfect man, happier than I ever thought I could be, and drunk on the desire pulsing through me.

My mind wandered to Alice – I hoped she was ok.

I still can't believe I stood up to her like that.

My inner voice piped up._ Well I sure as hell can! Jesus, Swan, this spectacular human being in front of you just told you he loved you, and your uterus almost exploded with the power of his lust. Man-eating dinosaurs couldn't have stopped you from dragging him into this room._

*sigh* When you're right, you're right.

Edward placed his hands on my hips, and gently pulled me against his swollen erection.

_Fuuck._

There was some major electricity flowing out of his dick, directly into my throbbing girl parts.

My eyes fluttered with pleasure and pain as my aching center put an ad in the personals - _"Wanted: Perfect cock – apply within." _

"I can't believe I've waited so long to touch you like this," he moaned softly. "It was driving me insane...you have no idea..." He reached out and smoothed my hair away from my face with both hands.

_Oh God...his hands._

They were perfection, and feeling them on my face made me hum with desire.

"I have _some_ idea," I murmured, circling my hips against his and whimpering slightly. He smiled and my mind struggled to comprehend his flawless beauty. I reached out and traced his jaw with my fingertips, smiling as he closed his eyes and sighed. His sex-hair called me and I pushed my fingers through it before tracing my fingers down his sideburns back to his stunning jaw.

How could one man have so much raw masculine beauty? The way his face and body and heart affected me was so overwhelmingly powerful it was bordering on freakish.

Suddenly we both heard the door to the apartment open and close. We locked eyes.

_Alice...has gone out._

His eyes darkened immediately.

"Swan," he groaned thickly.

"Cullen..." I rasped.

His hand whipped out and grabbed the back of my neck. He yanked me to him, covering my mouth with his own.

_Oh sweet Jesus!_

The fire that had been smoldering between us quickly erupted into to life. Our tongues tasted each other and we both moaned with pleasure.

He broke away, gasping and grabbing my hair in his hands.

"Oh, you're in so much trouble now, Piss-Girl."

I grabbed his hair roughly and he grunted.

"Bring it, Asstard."

His lips hovered just above my own.

"I am going to make you feel things that no man ever has, or ever will," he growled as his eyes raked my face.

_Holy shit._ Too f_ucking sexy, Cullen. Let's see how you like it._

"Cullen," I said in my sexiest voice, "I am going to pleasure you so thoroughly that no other woman will ever be good enough for you."

His eyes widened and burned, and he groaned as he brought his face down to mine.

"Too late," he rasped.

He took my mouth and those two little words plunged into me as I grasped to keep hold of my body before it exploded with pleasure.

"Oh...God...Edward..."

My brain gave up and sat in the corner as he went to work on my neck. He suckled and licked me, every touch igniting a fire between my legs. I pulled his hair ferociously and he gasped, snapping his eyes to mine and paralyzing me with their intensity.

His eyes burned green fire as he slowly pushed me back until I hit the door, and I couldn't look away. I felt his arms snake around me and my heart-rate doubled as I registered the pure, raw hunger in his eyes. His large hands settled on my ass and I pushed into him, needing to feel the length of his arousal.

In one movement he lifted me up and plunged his tongue into my eager mouth. I moaned loudly and wrapped my legs around his waist, grinding myself again his cock shamelessly. He growled as his tongue continued to plunder my mouth, and I nearly came fucking unstuck then and there.

_Jesus, Swan. What the fuck have you been doing with other men all these years?_

Um...having the sex?

_Nuh uh! No fucking way THAT was having sex. THIS is what sex should feel like. I mean, really, your ovaries are about to pop with the sheer volume of pleasure currently running through you, and we haven't even gotten to the main event yet. _

_Oh, Jesus, what are his hands doing? NEVER STOP DOING THAT, WHATEVER IT IS!_

I arched my back against the door so I could push into him harder. He gasped and looked at me, his eyes wide and dark. Suddenly, he spun us around so that his back was flat against the door, and I dropped my legs to stand in front of him. I tangled my fingers in his fucking hot hair and yanked him down to my face, devouring his mouth and sucking hungrily at his sweet tongue. My right hand trailed slowly down his chest, feeling every delicious muscle on the way, groping his exquisite body as my core burned and throbbed. He hissed sharply as my hand settled on his rock-hard erection and I fingered it lightly and held his eyes with my own. I revelled in the fact that he was panting heavily, his perfect mouth hanging open slightly.

"See this, Cullen?" I breathed with as much control as I could muster. I rubbed his impressive cock with the palm of my hand and felt him twitch through the thick fabric of his jeans. "This...is mine." I grabbed his shaft hard, and squeezed.

His head flew back and connected loudly with the door. His palms hit the wood with a loud whack, and a deep bellow rocketed out of his throat.

"OH, FUUUCK!!"

He lifted his head and glared at me, panting raggedly. "Swan, you are fucking killing me here," he groaned. I smiled sweetly and kept rubbing him. He was gasping for air now, his fists were balled by his side, his eyes fluttering slightly as a low growl rumbled through his chest.

"Who, me?" I said innocently, grinding my palm into him as I stroked him. A strangled noise came out of his throat. "I'm sure I have no idea what you mean, Edward."

His eyes locked on mine and he gritted his teeth.

"Let's see how you like it shall we?" he breathed in a voice that had me clenching at the mere sound of it. He spun me around, pushing me against the door. He pulled both my hands over my head and ran his hands down my arms. Electric flashes pulsed across my skin as I felt his warm hands cup my breasts through my shirt. I groaned softly as he squeezed them, and squirmed involuntarily as the wetness pooled between my legs.

I fought the compulsion to hyperventilate as his hands continued their torturous exploration. When he finally reached my aching pussy he rested his hand gently against it before saying in a low voice, "See this, Swan? This...is mine." He rubbed me firmly through my jeans and I gasped and fell back against the door. My muscles clenched as the strongest wave of pleasure I have ever felt crashed over me.

_Oh God, please...don't stop!_

"Edward..." I mewled as he kept rubbing, "wait...stop."

_What the fuck are you saying?_ _DON'T stop Edward...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, KEEP GOING MAN!_

He stopped immediately and looked at me with concern. I placed my hand over his and stroked it softly. "I just need a second..."

_We could be having seconds if you hadn't stopped him, idiot! And thirds, and fourths..._

His eyes softened.

Could he tell how close I was to completely unravelling?

I took a deep breath and exhaled noisily. I didn't want to fall apart completely before he'd even undressed me. I tried to calm my thundering pulse.

He looked at me quizzically. "Are you ok, baby?"

_Oh...God. Calling me baby? NOT CALMING ME DOWN! _

I groaned.

Cullen," I panted roughly, "I'm sure you're probably used to calling women baby, and having them become putty in your hands. However, I am not your regular brand of floozy. Fortunately for me, I'm completely immune to your potent sexual superpowers and giant cock."

I gazed down at his huge bulge and whimpered, shuddering slightly as he growled. His eyes blazed with mischief.

"Would you care to make a wager on that...baby?" he said throatily. A thrill ran through me.

He snarled as he picked me up, effortlessly, and threw me down on the bed. The air left my body as I watched him, stalking me as he crawled onto the bed. Instinctively, my knees came up and he nestled between them, his dark eyes never leaving my own. As I watched him, hovering above me like the world's sexiest bird of prey, I whimpered and pushed my hips up to meet his. He pulled away, keeping his erection just out of reach.

"Now, Bella," he admonished in a voice that was pure sex, "I thought you were immune to that part of my body."

I struggled to make my voice sound casual. "Well...maybe not immune. Indifferent?"

He lowered his hips slightly, and again my hips thrust up to meet him. He moved away just in time.

"Indifferent you say?" he said, innocently.

I swallowed hard. "Blase?"

He chuckled and brought himself down slightly, but still not within reach.

"Edward..." I pleaded, "...please..."

"Please what, Swan?" he asked casually.

I moaned and squirmed, desperately needing to feel his cock against me. "Please...let me feel you..."

His eyes burned and smoldered. "What part of me do you need to feel, Bella?" he asked in a fucking hot sex-voice that was murdering my sanity.

"Edward..." I groaned pathetically.

"Say it, Bella," he growled, "I want to hear you say it."

I took in a shuddering breath, unable to resist any longer. "Your cock, Edward," I groaned loudly as my eyes bore into his, "I need to feel your throbbing, hard, enormous fucking cock against me NOW!"

He moaned loudly and crushed his full weight onto my pussy, grinding his hardness into me fiercely.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs as the excruciating pressure inside me coiled to a new unbearable level.

I panted and moaned, grabbing his head and shoving it roughly to my straining nipples. He read my mind, biting me through the thin fabric of my shirt as my back arched, desperately trying to press myself further into his mouth.

"God, Bella," he rasped, "I need to see you....now!"

He bunched the front of my shirt in his fists and wrenched. Buttons exploded around the room and I gasped loudly as my chest was suddenly exposed.

Edward stopped breathing. He looked down at me in wonder.

_Oh dear Lord! That look...right there. Burn that into my brain for all time. We'll call it "Bella's favourite Edward face – ever." _

He reached out and ran his fingertips over the thin lace bra, grazing my nipples and sending pleasure-shudders through my whole boy. Finally he inhaled, drawing in a ragged breath.

"I'm sorry about your bra, Bella," he said softly.

I looked down. _Why was he sorry about my bra?_ _It looks fine._

Before I could register what was happening, he reached out and mutilated it with his perfect hands. It fell off me in pieces. He hissed with pleasure.

"Oh dear God...Bella..."

His eyes raked over me and I thought for sure my thundering heart would burst out of my chest and start doing the macarena. He kneeled between my legs and worshipped me with his eyes. My skin tingled ferociously as he reverently grazed his fingertips over my heaving breasts. I closed my eyes, trying to breath evenly as my impossibly hard nipples ached for him.

Suddenly, I felt him suck one into his mouth and his fingers closed over the other one.

"Ahhhhhh....ohhhh," I gasped, not even able to form words anymore. I opened my eyes and witnessed his glorious head bent over me, suckling and moaning softly, the vibrations from his lips setting every nerve ending in my body on high alert.

_Oh Christ, I think I'm actually going to spontaneously combust._

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Edward...."

_What's with all the religious references when you get turned on? I mean, do you even believe in God?_

Would you shut the fuck up and witness the magic this man is currently perpetrating on my heavingbreasts!

_Oh...OH! In the name of everything that is Holy, YES!_

I couldn't take any more and I pushed him off me, flipping him over onto his back. I could hear my desperate breathing rasp through the silence as I straddled him and pushed down onto his cock, revelling in the loud moan that erupted out of his chest. My mind screamed with a desperate need to see him. I grabbed the front of his shirt with both hands and yanked with all my might.

Nothing happened.

I looked down at the complete lack of damage I had caused.

"Whoa..." I said breathlessly, "tough shirt."

Edward covered my hands with his own and grabbed the shirt. He ripped it open roughly.

_FUCK ME!_ _THAT'S THE HOTTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!_

The sight of his naked chest stopped all brain functions immediately.

_Oh...Jesus....he's magnificent._

My eyes drank in the glory of his physique and my lungs burned from lack of oxygen.

"Bella," he said gently, "breathe, baby."

I sucked in a huge breath and gasped.

"Cullen," I wheezed, "how can you possibly look like that? I have NEVER seen you work out!"

He ran his thumbs over my nipples and panted, "Masturbation is REALLY good exercise, Swan."

His hand shot out and grabbed my face, pulling me down into a scorching kiss, and when our naked torsos connected, chest to chest, the room echoed with the volume of our moans. He grunted as he rolled over on top of me, pushing his thigh between my legs. I humped him desperately, finally realizing I needed him inside me, NOW.

"Edward," I panted as I wrenched my mouth from his, "I need to be naked with you...immediately." He didn't hesitate. He ripped my jeans open and yanked them down my legs, pulling off my shoes on the way. He ogled my minuscule g-string before decimating it and throwing it on the floor. When I was lying naked in front of him he froze.

_Okay, I changed my mind._ _THAT is my favourite Edward face ever._

I sat up slowly and moved toward him, pushing him back until he was standing next to the bed. His body was tense, his fists clenched at his side, but his dark eyes refused to leave mine.

I slipped his ruined shirt off his shoulders, revelling as my eyes took in his shoulders and biceps. My heart thudded loudly as I caressed the glory of his arms and chest.

"Bella..." he whispered and drew in a ragged breath, "Oh, God, your hands feel amazing on my skin."

I bent down, and he lifted his feet one at a time, enabling me remove his shoes and socks. I knelt in front of him and ran my hands up his denim-clad legs, feeling the strength and power in his muscular thighs, noticing how they tensed as I kneaded them gently. Finally, I reached the top of his jeans and unfastened them. I pushed them down his legs slowly and heard him groan softly as he stepped out of them.

I drank in the vision before me as he stood in just his boxer briefs, his erection straining against the tight fabric. My breathing became shallow and I swallowed nervously as I reached towards him. I glanced at the top of the boxers and my fingers trembled as they slipped into the waistband. My head swam and I struggled to clear my vision.

_Ok Swan, hold it together._ _If you faint now we will die from humiliation._

I felt a thin sheen of sweat break out on my forehead as I looked up into his eyes and slid his boxers down. When he stepped out of them, I left his eyes and looked down to see all his naked glory.

_Oh...dear...Lord...can't...form...sentence....too...turned...on...._

I inhaled sharply and he groaned at my reaction.

_Sweet...Jesus_.

I reached out and barely touched the perfection of his gorgeous cock. His fists clenched tighter as I grazed his shaft, and he moaned softly.

"Bella," he groaned thickly, "I'm really not going to be able to handle much more of that..."

I stood up slowly, worshipping his muscles with my hands as I raised them to his chest. His hands feathered over my skin as I moved into him, each of us caressing and exploring the other's body, touching the skin that we had never before touched, both of us naked and trembling and ready.

Our breathing sped up and small moans filled the air.

"Edward," I breathed, "do you have some...protection?"

His eyes moved lazily to mine. "Huh?"

"Protection? Do you have some?"

He stopped breathing. His eyes snapped shut and he squeezed them tightly. He roared, "MOTHERFUCKER!!"

_Jesus! A hard, naked, roaring Edward? HOTTEST THING ON THE PLANET!!_

I inhaled. "So, I take that as a no?"

He exhaled angrily and ran his fingers through his hair.

_Jesus! A hard, naked Edward doing ANYTHING is fucking hot!! _

"I haven't carried any condoms for months," he sighed. "It was supposed to be a deterrent for me. FUUUCK!"

Suddenly there was a loud knock on the bedroom door.

We both froze and looked at each other. The mystery knocking happened again, louder and more insistent.

Edward rolled his eyes and bellowed, "GO AWAY ALICE!! WE'RE NOT FUCKING FINISHED YET!!"

_And certainly not finished fucking..._

The knocking continued. Edward huffed in frustration. He strode into the ensuite and grabbed a towel, scowling as he wrapped it around his waist, barely disguising his still-massive arousal. He pulled me behind the door and opened it a crack.

"Alice, this is not fucking funny..." His voice trailed off as he peered out. "Alice?" He opened the door wider, and I saw him bend down and pick something up. "Well, fuck me," he breathed softly "ALICE!" he called loudly out the door, "YOU'RE THE BEST FUCKING SISTER IN THE WORLD!! I LOVE YOU!!"

He closed the door and turned to me.

In his hands was a huge gift basket. It was filled with condoms, lube, porn, massage oil, various snacks – both sweet and salty - and an enormous cream-coloured dildo. In the front was a small card that read - "Have fun you two. I am going to let you have the apartment to yourselves tonight because, quite frankly, hearing your sex noises would psychologically damage me beyond belief. I thought you might need some supplies for your marathon session of unacceptable touching. Love, Alice.

Edward smiled at me, and I looked at him in amazement.

"How does she DO that?" I asked in disbelief.

He quickly put the basket down on the side table and ripped open a box of condoms. He grabbed a handful and threw them down on the night-stand before whipping off the towel and pulling me to the bed. He dragged me down to him and kissed me passionately.

The need to have him inside me roared to life with new intensity and I rolled him on his back and quickly grabbed a condom. I ripped the packet in half and groaned as I rolled it down his magnificent length. His beautiful mouth called to me and I leaned over and took it with mine, our mutual need boiling in the air as he rolled me onto my back and positioned himself over me.

He stopped breathing and gazed at me with the most exquisite look on his face.

"Bella," he whispered, "I have never..." He looked down, struggling to find the right words. I reached up and touched his face, urging him to go on. He wouldn't meet my eyes.

He sighed and whispered, "I have never...done this...with someone I have feelings for." He finally looked up and I was stunned by the love I saw in his eyes. "I just want you to know...I love you...so much...and if this isn't something you really want, please say so now before we do something you will regret."

I felt moisture fill my eyes and I stroked his beautiful cheek.

"Edward," I said with fierce honesty, "This is all new to me too."

I could feel the tears running down my cheeks but I didn't care. He reached out and wiped them gently away with his thumb.

"I have never felt like this with anyone in my life. The passion. The desire. The...love. I have never wanted anything so much in my life as I want to make love to you."

He bent down and kissed me, and I felt everything he was feeling in that epic moment. He shifted his weight above me and I gasped as I felt him nudge my entrance.

We broke apart and gazed at each other.

This was it. We were going to make love. We were going to join our bodies in the same way our hearts and minds had been joined pretty much from the first moment we met.

My eyes fluttered but I refused to look away as he pushed into me with excruciating slowness. My breath stopped and I could see his jaw clench as he fought for control. My body shuddered with pleasure as I stretched and throbbed around him and I exhaled a long, ragged breath as he eased his whole length inside me.

Finally, he was fully sheathed, and for the first time ever in my shitty existence...I felt complete. My other half had found its home.

Edward froze for a moment and closed his eyes.

"Oh, God, Bella," he whispered. "I have never felt anything like this." He took in a ragged breath and gazed down at me. "Are you ok, baby?"

I smiled and ran my thumb over his soft mouth. My blood was singing as it pumped around his beautiful cock, and my walls hugged him tightly, knowing their perfect match.

"I'm...un-fucking-believable," I breathed with utter contentment.

His mouth dropped open slightly as he began to breath and move. He slid out slowly, and gently, and then pushed back in. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration and I could tell that controlling himself like this was a real struggle. I lifted my head and brought my mouth to his. He moaned and languidly pushed his tongue into my mouth as his thrusts got steadily faster. My breathing sped up as my body gripped him with pleasure, and I tangled my hands in his hair, tugging on it roughly and shuddering with delight as he groaned and increased his pace again.

"Oh, Christ, Edward....yes...please...ohhhh."

I threw my head back as my core began to tighten, electrical surges firing and pulsing through me each time he pounded into me.

He buried his head in my neck and sucked with vigor.

"Oh...Bella...Jesus....."

His thrusts were coming fast and hard and I knew that neither of us would last very long.

I wrapped a leg around his hip and dug my heel in, willing him to go faster. He growled and grunted with each thrust, his indescribable sex-voice making me clench and grasp at his cock as it moved in and out.

"Bella...God...I love you....fuck....I love you....so much..."

I could feel the edge of the cliff as my orgasm built. I was racing toward it and I screamed his name as I jumped off the edge.

"Edwaaaaard...oh fuck...YES....FUCK! YES!....Oh, Jesus, Edward!...I'm cumming....cum with me....please...."

I tugged on his hair fiercely, and he roared as his own eruption wracked his body.

"Ahhhhhh....BELLA.....FUCKING HELL....YES!!" The room exploded with our cries of ecstasy. Our ragged breathing echoed off the walls as we both came violently.

We both froze, locked together in ecstasy as our bodies spasmed and clenched, gripping each other fiercely as they exploded, releasing crashing waves of pleasure that blasted through us.

_Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God!!_

We both gasped and panted, coming down from our orgasms. He wrapped his arms around me and settled between my legs, resting his weight on his forearms and looking down at me.

So many emotions were flickering across his face, and I knew I probably looked the same to him. What we had just experienced couldn't possibly be normal.

"Bella...that was..."

"I know..."

"I've never..."

"Me either..."

"Jesus..."

"Fucking..."

"Christ..."

Ok, it was official. Having sex had just turned us into blithering idiots.

Edward eased out of me and went into the bathroom. I used the opportunity to ogle his awesome ass.

Jesus, how did I not perv on that righteous heinie before now?

_Um...we were a little bit busy, ogling the giant cock, remember?_

Oh yeah...mmmmmm.....giant cock......

He quickly disposed of the condom and jumped back onto the bed gathering me in his arms and kissing me gently.

"Swan...I just...God....it was soooo...I never thought I could...and you were...wow."

I laughed and pushed him onto his back.

"Aww, Cullen, that may be the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me."

"Jesus," he groaned, covering his face with his hand, "I sound like a fourteen year old who has never had sex before."

"Well, to be fair," I said tenderly, as I traced the muscles in his forearm, "what we just did can hardly be described as sex."

He dropped his hand and raised an eyebrow.

"Um...Swan...I know your view on the world can be pretty fucked up at times, but...I'm fairly certain that _my_ cock pounding inside _your_ vagina is the text-book definition of sex."

_Ungh...he said the word 'cock'._ _Nothing...hotter._

Heat flooded to my girly parts again. They issued another personal ad – _Single, lonely vagina seeks genuine, rock-hard cock for fucking and friendship. Enormousness not compulsory, but is preferred. _

My inner bitch scoffed._ Is enormousness even a word?_

Yes, it is. If you look it up in the dictionary you will see a picture of Edward's cock next to it.

_You are such a fucking size-queen..._

Hey, the size is not important to me. I love this man. The fact that he has a gargantuan member is just a fucking bonus.

"_Fucking bonus"....he he. True on so many levels._

I traced his beautiful face with my fingertips.

"What I meant is that I have had sex before...and obviously, because you used to be a filthy man-whore, you have too..." He gave me the stink-eye. I ignored it. "But what we did then? Not JUST sex. That was...soooo...I mean, Jesus...it should be illegal....your cock....my single, lonely vagina....just....arghhh...you know?"

It was his turn to laugh and he brushed the hair from my face.

"Ok, Swan, just stop. Your eloquence is embarrassing me."

I leaned in and nuzzled his neck. His cock immediately twitched and started standing at attention.

"Edward," I said, as I suckled and bit him, thrilling at the breathless obscenities that fell from his lips as I did, "I haven't even begun to embarrass you. But give me time. I'll embarrass you so much your fucking head will explode."

He moaned and flipped me quickly onto my back.

"Swan...you are evil, and must be punished."

My eyes burned as he bent his head to my breast.

"Oh, Jesus, yes Cullen. Punish me. Punish the crap out of me."

His mouth hovered over my right nipple, his warm breath whispering over it causing both nipples to immediately become hard. He looked up at me through his lashes and I panted like a dog on a hot day.

"Cullen, I'm seriously going to have to start fining you for being too goddamn sexy. It's got to be illegal."

He chuckled and the vibration from his throat went straight to my pussy. I whimpered slightly.

"Well, that's the fucking height of hypocrisy," he said as he dipped his head slightly lower and teased my nipple with his tongue, "Considering that you, Miss Swan, have made all previously sexy women in the world seem like complete goddamn amateurs with your outrageous personal brand of uber-sexy."

"Cullen," I groaned, "you are going to be in soooooo much trouble when it's my turn to punish you."

He chuckled again and sucked my nipple strongly into his mouth.

_Oh, good God!_

He continued to suck and swirl his tongue around as I writhed and moaned underneath him, and then, just when I thought I would go insane from the sensations he was causing, he bit down lightly.

"Oh, holy shit!!"

I was staring to throb and I desperately needed more from him.

"Edward," I mewled, "please...I need more."

"More?!" he said, incredulously, "I'm working oral magic on your tits and you want more?!"

I groaned, "Yes, please."

"Jesus, Swan," he cried, "I suppose you would like it if I did this..." He started trailing his mouth and fingers down my stomach.

My heart-rate doubled.

"Yes please, Edward. That would be...nice." I panted roughly.

He looked up at me with dark eyes, scowling as he said, "Nice? You know how I fucking feel about the word 'nice' Swan. Let's see if you think THIS is 'nice'..."

He spread my legs and settled his head between them. He bent down and started licking a scorching trail up my inner thigh with his tongue.

"Ungh...um...yes, please Edward. Sooooo nice...Christ! SO...VERY...NICE!"

My uterus was pulsing and twitching, impatient with our little game.

He looked at my pussy and I could hear the desire in his voice.

"Jesus Swan, you are so beautiful....so wet." His eyes met mine briefly and I whimpered pathetically. "You smell so delicious, Bella," he groaned as his eyes darkened and a low growl rumbled from his chest. "I can't hold back any longer, baby, I need to taste you..." He shoved his face into my folds and licked me deeply.

_OHMYFUCKINGCHRIST!!_

I started to lose my mind as he continued to lick and suck. He took my clit in his mouth and my hands almost tore through the sheets they were grasping. My walls started tightening, moving slowly inward like the fucking trash-compactor scene in Star Wars.

_But there were people inside the trash compactor in that scene. WHY DO WE HAVE NO-ONE INSIDE US?_

As if he heard my fucked-up inner dialogue, Edward inserted a finger inside me and started rubbing.

_OH CHRIST!! Ok...um...so...let's call that Han Solo. We also need Luke, right? SKYWALKER! GET THE FUCK IN THERE! NOW!_

He inserted another finger.

_FUCK, YESSS!!_

My walls gripped him strongly and I heard him moan as he felt it. He started pumping his fingers faster and my head flew back as I pushed down on his hand, trying to get his fingers deeper inside me.

"Bella, is this what you wanted when you asked for more?" he growled.

_Fuck...me!_

His sex-voice sent a shudder of pleasure through me and I struggled to form a sentence.

"Ohhhh....God....yes, Edward. Ahhhhhh...please, may I have more?"

"MORE?!" he bellowed.

_Holy crap, bellowing Edward fucking turns me on!_

"I suppose THIS is what you want?" He pumped his fingers faster and deeper as he brought his mouth back to my clit.

"GOD, YES! RIGHT THERE! THAT'S WHAT I'M FUCKING TALKING ABOUT!!!"

My back arched and I gasped loudly for breath as I felt my orgasm nearing critical velocity. I closed my eyes and moaned shamelessly.

"Yes, Bella," Edward breathed, "I want you to cum. Cum on my fingers baby, I need to feel you..."

His words pushed me over the edge and I screamed out as I felt my walls spasming around his perfect fingers.

"Oh, Christ! EDWARD, YES!!"

The pleasure pulsed and flowed, gripping and releasing, and I could hear him moan at the sensation.

"Goddammit, Bella, you feel fucking amazing! Yes, baby....Oh, God, yes...."

Finally, the spasms stopped and all my muscles slumped heavily as he removed his fingers. He looked up at me and slowly licked them clean.

_Oh...my...fuck._

_Oh, Cullen. You are in so much trouble now._

I grabbed him by the hair and dragged him up to my face. I sucked on his mouth and he groaned, knowing that I could taste myself on his tongue and fucking loving it. He reacted by pushing his pelvis into me and I gasped as I felt his rock-hard erection.

"Cullen, you've been a bad boy," I breathed, watching with fascination as his eyes immediately darkened, "By my reckoning, I have you down for several 'Too Sexy' violations." He raised his eyebrows and I resisted the urge to start chewing on them. "My list includes: one instance of looking up through your lashes...several counts of assault with a fucking-hot-sex-voice...and one major felony of using the word 'cock' gratuitously in polite conversation." He licked his lips and ALL my bits twitched. "And there's another one right there. You're only making this worse for yourself."

I pulled his hair fiercely, exposing his neck to me.

"Ung...Jesus...Bella..." he moaned.

I licked from his collar bone to his stunning jaw and he hissed with pleasure.

"How do you plead to the charges as I have described them to you?" I breathed.

He lifted his head and looked into my eyes. "Guilty as fuck, your Honor," he growled.

I shoved him roughly onto his back and straddled his thighs. His gorgeous cock lay flat against his stomach and I couldn't help groaning as I looked at it. He looked up at me, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his hands trailing quiet fire as he stroked my thighs.

"Then it is the sentence of this court that you be thoroughly fellated until you cum." His eyes fluttered and his cock twitched. "Do you have any final words?"

He inhaled raggedly. "Um...I'm sorry?"

I bent my head over him. "Oh, you will be..."

***

**EPOV**

_Oh...dear...Lord_.

Bella's head was bent over my throbbing cock and her hair was grazing my thighs. If she wasn't careful I was going to blow before she even laid a finger on me.

I tangled my hands in her glorious hair and pushed it away from her face so I didn't miss a second of what was about to happen to me.

Jesus, she was so beautiful, and seeing her hot mouth open and hovering over me was the most amazing fucking thing I had ever seen in my life. I moaned as her tongue flicked out and tasted my head.

"Oh...Christ...Bella..."

Her eyes gazed up at me and I trembled with anticipation. She held my eyes as she opened her mouth and lowered it around me.

"Fuuuuuuuck..."

Her lips closed around me, and I slammed my hands into the mattress and gripped it desperately. The sensation of her hot mouth as she sucked me and rolled her tongue around my shaft, coupled with the visual of seeing her close her eyes with pleasure as she sucked me deep into her throat was almost too fucking much and I fought desperately to stay in control.

"Ohhhhh....Bella....Jesus!"

My balls contracted tightly and I tried to calm myself before I came then and there. I grasped her head to stop her from moving.

"Bella...stop....just for a second," I moaned through clenched teeth. I took a deep breath and tried to ignore her warm mouth enveloping me.

Come on Cullen, get a fucking grip.

_Easier said than done, my friend.__ Have you seen the incredible woman who is currently gobbling your __cock__**?**_

I closed my eyes and could feel Bella's warm breath brushing my shaft. My cock twitched and she moaned slightly in response.

I felt the tension inside me ease a little and I let her head go.

"I think I'm ok..." I exhaled. She pulled me out of her mouth and looked up at me.

"Edward? Can I just tell you....your cock tastes like heaven."

Oh, Christ, what man in the goddamn world doesn't want to hear THAT about his cock.

I groaned and pulled her up to me, devouring her mouth with animalistic need. She ravaged me back and trailed her hand down to my erection. I gasped as she wrapped her fingers around me and start to pump slowly. I lost all sense of voluntary action as I gripped the mattress again and roared, "FUCK ME, BELLA, YES!"

She suckled my neck and started migrating down my chest. She stopped long enough to nip and suck my nipples and my hips bucked involuntarily, pushing my cock further into her tight fist. She kissed down my stomach, and my abs tightened and shuddered under her lips, strained moans oozing out of me as she kept moving down.

Finally, she was bending over my aching cock again. She cradled me in her hand and licked from the base to the head, like a giant fleshy ice-cream cone. I threw my head back and groaned. She pursed her lips and pushed me inside her mouth, sucking me roughly as she pulled out.

_Damn, this girl has some mad oral skills!_

I didn't want to linger on how or why she acquired them so I just concentrated on her talented mouth. She sucked and plunged me in and out of her hot wetness. I moaned and shuddered with pleasure, feeling myself quickly building to the breaking point. She continued sucking and thrusting as her hand closed around the base of my shaft. She started pumping with her hand at the same time, twisting her hand one way and her mouth the other. I completely fell apart.

_Oh...Jesus!_ _THAT IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE!!_

"AHHHHHHH....CHRIST BELLA, YES!" She increased her pace and gripped me tighter. My abs contracted as my balls tightened. "Oh God...Bella....you're going to make me cum....OH JESUS, YES BELLA....YES!"

I grabbed her head and pulled her off my cock as I spurted violently onto my stomach, trembling and shuddering uncontrollably, gasping and moaning and swearing softly as the last of my orgasm rocked through me.

Oh...fuck...me. I knew that having sex with Bella was going to be incredible, but I had no idea that orgasms like that one were even fucking possible, let alone available to be experienced by me – professional asstard and generally unworthy motherfucker.

I pulled her up to me, kissing her deeply and tasting myself on her. Christ she tasted good.

I grabbed her ruined shirt off the floor and quickly cleaned myself off before flopping back down and sighing heavily.

"Swan, that was appallingly fucking mind-blowing," I lamented breathlessly, as I pulled her to my chest and stroked her back. "How the fuck do you ever expect me to get anything done when I know you can do that to me? Pretty fucking selfish of you, to burden me with that kind of knowledge, quite frankly."

She smiled and sucked on my lower lip forcing a jolt of pure adrenaline to rocket through my pleasure-ridden body.

_Christ, Edward, your cock is hard again!! This is INSANE! This woman is like walking, breathing Viagra!_

She licked my earlobe and whispered, "Next time Cullen, don't you dare deprive me of your salty goodness. A girl needs her protein you know."

_Jesus_! _That dirty little mouth is going to be the death of me._

My cock twitched – again. She noticed and gasped theatrically.

"Oh my God, Edward!" she cried loudly, "I always thought it was a myth, but now I've seen it with my very own eyes!"

I frowned at her in confusion. "What the fuck are you talking about Piss-Girl?"

She sat up and gestured grandly to my erection. "It's the Holy Grail of penises, Cullen! Women all over the world whisper and speculate about its existence, and now, here it is, in the flesh!" She looked around the room and pointed to me. "Yes ladies, it DOES exist! Witness – THE NEVER-FLACCID-WONDER-COCK!!"

I roared with laughter and quickly grabbed a condom from the night-stand. I rolled it on in record time and grabbed Bella, entering her in one smooth movement. She gasped and moaned loudly. I pushed my entire length into her and stopped, grasping for control as her tight walls gripped me. I groaned. "Well Swan, now that you've discovered this wondrous object, what are you going to do with it?"

Her eyes blazed and she reached down and grabbed my ass. She pushed me roughly, flipping me onto my back without breaking our connection. She groaned as she settled onto my shaft. "Well, Cullen," she breathed in the sexiest fucking voice ever to come out of a woman, " I thought I might use it to impale my throbbing girl-parts on, and then ride you until I scream your name in ecstasy."

I growled as my cock tightened impossibly further. I started moving my hips, thrusting in and out of her as she closed her eyes and gripped my chest.

"Fucking awesome idea, Swan."

***

**Chapter End Notes**

_*sits in a protective bubble made of chicken wire and concrete*_

He he...soooo...what did you think? My first attempt at smut. I hope you enjoyed it.

Before I go I HAVE to rec a few of my favorite chica's fics.

1. IRRITABLE_GRIZZZLY - My sooper secrit life-partner and Beta. Read her stuff.

2. LAMBCULLEN - My personal PR superhero. Writes bloody well. Check it out.

3. ECULLENITIS - My newest and smuttiest friend. Check out her fic "Unwrapped" if you like your smut extreme. Not for the faint-hearted but goddamn HAWWWT!

Give me love if you want the smutty goodness - oh and plot and dialogue and stuff I suppose.

Mwah!

Kiya x


	12. Giney & Godzy's Big Day Out

**Author's Notes**

_Well hello there. Glad to see you all back at this little piece of madness that continues to pour out of my head._

_First of all I have to shout out to my girls at UU on Ravelry – you chicas give me happy face._

_Enormous international hugs to my Sooper Secrit Fiance, Beta, friend and all-round cool babe – Catty-Wan._

_To all my awesome reviewers, particular the high priestess of all things good, Hawk, you complete me._

_Disclaimer: SM owns these characters. I own even more underwear than I did last chapter – but in my defense, it was on special...and very pretty...and it called me by name. *Shit, I seriously think I've developed a panty addiction.*_

_Enjoy!_

**Chapter 12 – Giney & Godzy's Big Day Out**

BPOV

Edward rolled off me and we both gasped for air.

_Damn, this has to stop. We haven't left this room for four hours, we've eaten all the snacks Alice supplied, we've been drinking water from the bathroom tap to stay hydrated and, well, we were nearly out of condoms. _

Edward got out of bed and made his umpteenth trip to the bathroom to dispose of the condom.

_Note to self: personally dispose of contents of bathroom trash to avoid hotel staff thinking I have been up here tonight with every single one of the New York Yankees...and their friends._

Edward jumped back onto the bed and sighed, placing his hands behind his head. I looked over at the sex God beside me. _Sweet Jesus._ I will never get tired of looking at his magnificent body. The way his arms were bent forced his biceps to bulge impressively. His gorgeous pecs sat there, taunting me with their muscly hardness. He panted lightly, and I watched in fascination as his rocking abs inflated and contracted. Pure magic.

He looked over at me and smiled. "How's Giney doing?" He had named my vagina.

Giney, as he affectionately called her, was actually getting a little sore. I shrugged at him. "She's a little freaked out that Godzilla seems to be completely obsessed with her, actually." I had named his cock also.

He frowned. "Godzilla is NOT obsessed with her. He is just the right amount of...sessed, thank you very much."

"Oh really?" I challenged. I bent over his cock and spoke directly to it. "Godzy? What would you do if I said the word...pussy?" Godzy perked up his ears. Edward rolled his eyes. "What about...tight, wet pussy?" He stiffened noticeably and tried to look me in the eye. "Godzilla..." I said patiently, "what would you do if I said 'fucking tight, wet pussy clenching hard around you, you goddamn sex-beast of a cock!!?" Edward growled as Godzilla lunged for Giney. I stood up quickly and held out my hand. "Oh, no you don't!" I yelled. "I think Godzy needs a time-out don't you Cullen? He is clearly out of control!"

Edward made a snarling noise deep in his chest and Giney immediately phoned Godzy to tell him she'd be right over. "I haven't heard Giney complain about him before now," he growled sexily.

I swallowed, hard. "Well, no, you wouldn't," I said, trying to maintain control. "She's shy, and wouldn't want to hurt his feelings."

He laughed sarcastically. "Giney? Shy? Jesus, Swan, she's practically raped him...several times! If anyone should be feeling weird, it should be him." He reached down and stroked his fully-erect cock lovingly. "It's ok, buddy," he breathed. "Don't let her get to you."

_Oh, fuck me dead._ _He's touching himself._ _Jesus_!

I watched in awe as his pecs and biceps tensed and contracted. He noticed my eyes darken and my breathing speed up. He smiled, and Giney went berserk.

I pulled a chair over, close to him and sat down, never letting my eyes leave the glory of Edward stroking himself. I scooted down in the chair and spread my legs, and whimpered slightly as I ran a hand down to my now wet folds. Edward moaned and leaned back on one hand, keeping the other one firmly grasped around his cock.

As I watched him I matched my pace to his, stroking when he stroked, pausing when he paused. His dark eyes burned into mine and I memorized every exquisite emotion that passed across his face.

Knowing that I was missing a spectacle of epic proportions, I dragged my gaze away from his face and stared dumbly at his lap as he masturbated. Ahhhh...Edward's perfect right hand – was there more glorious example of finely crafted, yet masculine hands, anywhere on the planet? His magnificent cock – perfect in every way. It was as if an erotic artist had rendered the penis that all others should be measured by. I truly pitied the men who witnessed the glory of Godzilla. They would never feel adequate again.

Add those two unbelievable elements together, and you got what was currently sitting before me. Edward's long fingers wrapped around his thick hardness, beautifully. The muscles in his forearm and bicep were engorged, and he firmly stroked himself fully, up and down his impressive length. _Incredible._ I took a mental Polaroid and filed it away in my brain. I was never an overly religious person, but this man, those hands and that cock, did not fucking happen by accident.

"Good job, God," I whispered, as I ground my fingers into my clit. My center began to throb with pleasure.

Edward inclined his head to me and frowned, continuing his ridiculously hot strokage. "Did you say something, baby?" he breathed raggedly.

"Just thinking about how perfect you are," I panted as I rubbed myself harder. He smiled, and my breathing hitched when I saw the love in his eyes.

_Memo to God – Dear Deity, I don't know why you have suddenly decided to shower me with an embarrassment of riches, but I promise to always be grateful. Please witness how reverently I will be screaming your name in the VERY near future._

Soon we were both breathing heavily and moaning in unison.

"Bella...seeing you touch yourself...Christ...it's the most arousing thing I've ever seen."

"Jesus, Edward, you have no idea how incredible you look...your hand around your cock is just...supremely fucking hot."

Our speed picked up and I felt electrical pulses start firing inside me. "Oh, Edward. I'm so close...are you close too?"

He closed his eyes and grimaced. "Yes Bella, God...so close. Talk to me baby, please."

I rubbed my clit harder and my toes curled as my orgasm started to crash through me. "OH GOD...YES! EDWARD, I'M CUMMING! GOD, YES! CUM WITH ME BABY...PLEASE!!"

He threw his head back and bellowed with ecstasy. "FUCK...ME! YES, BELLA...I'M CUMMING BABY! GOD, YES!!"

I watched in awe as his cum shot out of him. My own orgasm gave a final kick, thrilling at watching him spurt, and then started to abate. We both panted heavily and looked at each other with love-heavy eyes. Every part of me ached with pleasure, but I knew that I couldn't take much more.

"We REALLY need to leave this room, now," I said, breathlessly.

"You know what Swan?" he said, panting. "For once, I agree with you."

***

EPOV

Because of our complete inability to control ourselves around each other, we both agreed that we should shower separately, and by the time I emerged in my towel, Bella was already wrapped in a huge fluffy robe. I died a little bit when I saw her complete lack of nakedness.

Before she knew I was there, I saw her reach out and touch the huge cream-coloured dildo Alice had decided to includein her 'care package'. I stopped breathing as I watched her fingers graze gently over the latex length. I could feel my towel start to lift as my cock filled with blood for the innumerable time today.

_Jesus_. _Surely it's not normal how intensely and CONSISTENTLY this woman can affect me._

I've never experienced anything like it, and although I wasn't exactly complaining, I wondered if the willingness of my cock to stand at attention, every time she even thought about sex, was going to bite-me in the ass eventually.

I reached down and rubbed myself through my towel. _How is it possible that I have any semen left for God's sake._ _I can't even remember how many times I've cum tonight._ _That's a shit-load of spurting quite frankly._

Bella picked up the dildo and brought it up to her face for closer inspection. _Christ, that thing is huge._ _Is that really what women want, just an enormous cock to pound into them?_ I pulled the towel from my hips, needing to give myself more...intimate attention, as I watched Bella run her hand over the soft plastic. I started to pump my hand faster, unable to control my lust around this extraordinary woman. I felt my release building and I couldn't help a low groan escaping my lips.

Bella spun her head to me. Her eyes widened as she saw what my hand was doing. I pumped faster, aroused even further by her look of lust. My knees were starting to weaken, but I couldn't stop, I was too close now.

Bella took in a ragged breath. "Cullen...you know I was joking before when I said you had sexual-superpowers, right?"

I nodded, unable to actually form words.

She walked over to me slowly, and my eyes raked over her hungrily. "Well, I'm now starting to think that I was right. You are superhuman. After everything we've done to each other tonight, the number of times we have made each other cum, you still have the stamina to stand there and fuck the hell out of yourself with your hand."

I groaned and closed my eyes. Her words washed over me like a giant tongue. "Ungh...Bella...please...keep talking." My balls started to tighten. I wouldn't last much longer.

"Edward," she breathed as she stood in front of me and started trailing her fingertips over my naked chest, "if there was a sexual Olympics, you would be the goddamn world champion. You are incredible. Your body is incredible. Your gorgeous, perfect, fucking huge cock is INCREDIBLE!!"

I roared her name as my orgasm ripped through me. "BELLA...OH, YES...BELLA...I LOVE YOU, BABY!"

I swayed slightly as the last of the tremors left my body. Bella picked up my towel and quickly cleaned me up, then she put her arms around me, and I buried my face in her delicious neck. "Bella..." I panted heavily, "the only reason you think I have superhuman stamina is because my body is completely out of control around you. I think...I think there may be something wrong with me."

She pulled my face to hers and kissed me gently. "Sweet boy," she breathed as she smoothed the frown on my face, "if this is you being wrong, I don't EVER want you to be right." She kissed me again and I sighed into her mouth.

When she pulled back I noticed she was still holding the dildo. I chuckled. "What is it about that thing that fascinates you anyway?"

She blushed slightly and my smile widened. _God, I love it when she blushes._ "Well...I...um...was kind of wondering how they did it?"

My brows furrowed. I looked at the ridiculously large fake-cock and said, "Did what, baby?"

She exhaled and an adorable look of embarrassment crossed her face. "I wondered how they snuck in to your bedroom one night, and took a mold of your perfect cock without waking you."

I gaped. I looked at the enormous thing in her hands. "Bella..." I sputtered, "how could you possibly think that...thing...looks anything like me. It's fucking massive."

Her eyes darkened immediately. "Edward," she said seductively, "I hate to break it to you honey, but THIS..." She held the thing up in front of me, "...is pretty much exactly the same size as you."

My mind boggled. "No...I can't be that...that thing would fucking hurt...wouldn't it?"

She smiled the sexiest damn smile I had ever seen, and all of a sudden Godzilla roared back to life. "Did it seem like I was in pain, baby?" She looked down and grazed her fingers over my rapidly hardening length. "Unbelievable," she breathed softly.

She quickly turned and threw the dildo on the bed. She swung open the bedroom door and called over her shoulder, "Now get some clothes on you freak of nature, I seriously need to eat something with a slightly higher nutritional value than your gorgeous cock."

I looked down at my now throbbing erection, then over to the door. I groaned and lay down on the bed as I grabbed myself and began to pump furiously. "Be right there!" I yelled, as I pounded myself into oblivion.

***

An hour later we both lay on the couch, unable to move or speak. It was 5.00am. We had pretty much consumed every item off the room service menu. Our bodies were exhausted and our stomachs were bloated. I heard Bella snuffle into my chest and I knew she was almost asleep. Carefully, I lifted her and stood up, walking slowly back into the room of heavenly pleasures.

As I stepped inside the door, I looked around. The floor was strewn with destroyed condom wrappers and ripped clothing. Empty snack packets lay discarded beside the bed, and various towels lay crumpled on the floor.

_Jesus_. It looked like a sexual war-zone, and we hadbothwon**.**

Bella sighed gently and snaked her arm around my neck, stroking my hair. I bent down and kissed her sweet mouth, trying desperately not to awaken Godzilla, who had finally succumbed to complete exhaustion. I laid her gently on the bed and crawled in beside her, pulling her to my chest and wrapping her in my arms. I stroked her hair and she murmured contentedly.

"Edward," she said, her voice drowsy, "thank you. For everything."

Emotion rose in my throat and I had to force back the sudden moisture that appeared in my eyes.

_Why was she thanking me? When I had met her I was a complete mess - fighting addictions, frightened of young girls. She had calmed me down AND made me come alive in one fell swoop. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me. How did she not KNOW that?_

"Bella," I said, my voice thick with everything this amazing woman had brought into my life, "you have nothing to thank me for."

She raised her head slightly and looked into my eyes. "Edward, I know you know a bit about how my life was...before you invaded my alley that night and turned my world upside down**, **but you don't know everything." She looked down. "I never want you to know everything...but I am eternally grateful that it is all behind me."

I lifted her chin with my hand. "Bella, there is nothing...NOTHING...that you could have possibly done that would ever make me love you any less." I saw a haunted sadness flicker behind her eyes, and I knew that she didn't believe me. She lay back down onto my chest and I continued stroking her hair. "Bella," I began carefully, "have you ever...contacted Renee...since you left home?" I felt her stiffen in my arms.

"No."

_Ok Cullen, take it slow. This is a really bad idea._

"Not even to tell her you were ok?"

"No."

_Alright, drop it._ _She obviously doesn't want to talk about it._

"Why not?" _Fine, don't listen to me, idiot._

She sighed heavily. I pulled away so I could look down at her. She wasn't happy.

"Why should I, Edward?" she spat. "She threw ME out, remember? She chose a violent, alcoholic, psychopath over her own daughter, remember?! She LET HIM beat me for years!" Fire blazed in her eyes and I knew this conversation was over. "What exactly do you think I owe her, Edward?" She looked at me intensely, and I once again had the overwhelming desire to hunt down Phil and hurt him in every way I could think of, and if Renee happened to be there, God knows what I would do to her. The madman had been conspicuously absent for most of the night, but now, knowing how much my Bella had been tortured by these two, he rumbled around in my brain, flexing his muscles and aching for revenge.

I exhaled and tried to calm down. "I'm sorry, baby," I breathed as I pulled her to me. "I was just...curious...that's all."

She sighed and brought her hand up to my face, and when she looked up at me, I forgot how to breathe. The fire was still in her eyes, but it was dwarfed by the immense love I saw there. "No, Edward..._I'm_ sorry. Jesus, I just don't seem to be able to even think about Renee and Phil without flashing back to the night I left. I guess I still have some stuff there that I need to deal with."

I kissed her, drinking in her beautiful scent. _Maybe Jasper could help her._ She snuggled back into my chest and sighed. _Well, that's another conversation for another time._

"Sleep, baby," I urged. "Alice will be home soon, and we have a flight to catch this afternoon."

She groaned slightly. "Do we have to leave this room?" she whined. "It's our magical love cave..."

I chuckled. "Bella, I promise you, I will make a magical love cave just like this back in LA."

"With condom wrappers?"

"With condom wrappers."

"And ripped clothing?"

"I'll rip every piece of clothing off your body, if that would make you happy."

She whimpered. "Sssshhh!" she said urgently. "Giney is almost asleep! You can't say shit like that or she'll jump Godzilla's bones and we'll be back to square one." At the sound of his name Godzilla stirred slightly. I grimaced and tried desperately to calm him down.

"Good night, Edward," she sighed as she pulled me close. "I love you."

"Good night, Bella," I sighed back. "Sweet dreams, baby."

***

BPOV

It was 11.30am. Edward and I had awakened about an hour ago and showered and packed, ready for our flight. Alice still hadn't come back and I was starting to get worried. Edward was dozing on the couch**, **so I decided to go down to the lobby to see what I could find out.

As the elevator doors opened, I could hear a loud commotion. I rounded the corner to see a huge crowd of people milling around the reception area, chattering excitedly. Wait, not people – men - and not ordinary men either. They were the most chiseled, buff and hairless group of men I had ever seen. I frowned in confusion.

"Look, we KNOW he's here ok? We just want the opportunity to say 'HI!'"

It was then that I noticed the tiny black-headed dynamo amongst the throng. _ALICE_!! I raced over to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned quickly, and seeing me, threw herself into my arms.

"Oh Christ, Bella, thank God you're here!" She squeezed me tightly and drew me away from the crowd. "This place has been insanity since I came down last night."

I gaped at her. "Alice, you haven't been in this lobby all night, have you?" She sighed and nodded. "What the hell for?"

Sudden anger flashed over her face and she brought forward a magazine she was holding. "Because my darling dumbfuck of a brother decided that last night would be the perfect time to get caught apparently giving one of the world's most popular movie stars a goddamn blow-job in an alley!"

She thrust the magazine at me and I gasped. The front page had a series of photos of Edward and Rob. The first one showed Edward kneeling in front of Rob. His hands seemed to be on his cock, and his mouth was open.

_OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK!_

My brain went ballistic, desperately trying to comprehend what it was seeing. The other photos were more of the same, but with dawning horror lighting on Rob and Edward's faces as they realized they were being photographed.

Alice sighed angrily. "It all over the fucking press. TMZ picked it up first, and within hours Perez Hilton had posted the pics, and this morning, every trash-mag in the country is running it as their front page story. Christ, Edward is such an idiot!" She gestured to the growing crowd. "Now, every gay man in New York wants to have a chance to woo the 'outed' Edward Cullen, and the paparazzi are lined up around the block."

I barely heard her. I was still staring at the pictures, unable to tear myself away. My brain gave up trying to comprehend them and went straight to fuming over them.

_What the hell IS this? _

_Hmmm...it looks like two very sexy boys having a gay old time together, wouldn't you say?_

_But that can't be right..._

_Why not? Think about it. Edward is gorgeous, has a perfect physique, has great taste in clothes, and knows all the words to 'Papa, Can You Hear Me?' by Barbra Streisand. I don't know why we didn't realize he was gay before now..._

_HE'S NOT GAY!! Were you not present for the frigging fantastic fuck-fest that we've been involved in for the past few hours?!! There is no way on God's clean, lovely earth that Edward, Jedi-Master-of-sex - a man who has made us cum in every way imaginable - is fucking GAY!!_

_Yeah he is. He's a queer, gay, __butt__-stuffing ass-bandit._

_SHUT UP!!_

I put my hand in my hair and pulled hard, just to make sure I wasn't actually having a nightmare. The extreme pain told me that, unfortunately, I wasn't. I turned back to Alice to ask her what the hell was going on when I heard a huge uproar in the crowd. I haven't actually heard grown men scream like girls before. It was very off-putting.

I looked over to the noise and saw Rob push through the crowd, desperately trying to get to us.

"Bella! Alice! Christ, what a fucking nightmare!"

I scoffed. "If only."

A small group of reporters pushed to the front of the crowd and yelled at Rob.

"Robert! When did you and Edward Cullen start this relationship?"

"Are you two dating, or was it just a one night stand?"

"How did you meet? Are you here to see him now?"

Alice held up her hands and yelled. "Alright, just settle down, ok?! As I have been saying ALL NIGHT - these pictures are NOT what they seem. The whole thing has been completely blown out of proportion!" She pulled Rob forward. "If you don't believe me, then ask Robert himself."

The crowd hushed as they waited for Rob to speak. He swallowed uncomfortably. "Um...right...well...you see, last night, we were running away from...um...some fans." He looked around nervously at Alice and I. Alice urged him to continue. He leaned down to whisper to her. "Alice! I can't tell this story. I'd look like a complete pussy. I'd rather everyone thinks I'm gay**. **Then at least the screamers might leave me alone."

Alice glowered at him dangerously. "Pattinson," she seethed, "either you set these people straight, or, believe me when I say, I will end you."

Rob's eyes flashed. "Fuck me, shorty," he breathed, "you're a little firecracker when you're angry aren't you?" He cracked a crooked smile at her and I could almost see the steam coming out of her ears. Rob turned back to the waiting crowd.

"Look," he said loudly, "all I can say is that, despite what these pictures seem to say, Edward Cullen was NOT blowing me in a back alley, ok? Edward is a wonderful, talented man, for whom I have the utmost respect...and I would NEVER ask him to blow me in such a seedy location." Fast as lightning Alice's hand whipped out and grabbed Pattinson's ear. "OW! Fuck! Alice!! Let GO!" She roughly dragged him to the elevator and I followed mutely behind.

When we got back up to the apartment, Alice shoved Rob into a chair and ordered him not to move. He looked terrified and just a bit turned-on by dominator-Alice. He rubbed his now swollen ear.

Edward was still snoring softly, completely oblivious to the uproar that was happening below. Alice

strode over to him and lowered her mouth to his ear. I cringed in anticipation.

"WAKE-UP, COCKSUCKER!!" she bellowed at the top of her lungs.

Edward exploded off the couch, lurching around like a prize-fighter who'd just had the shit beaten out of him. "What?" he said drowsily. "Who died, what's wrong." He finally focused on the thunder-cloud that was Alice's face. "Uh-oh," he said under his breath.

Alice started towards him**. **He retreated. "So, Edward," she said sarcastically, "when exactly were you going to tell me about you and lover-boy here, hmmm?" He ducked behind the couch. She followed. "Did it not enter your TINY, PEA-SIZED brain, that if you had TOLD me, I may have been able to diffuse this whole fucked-up situation BEFORE the shit hit the fan!!?"

"Alice...I.."

"'DON'T YOU FUCKING 'ALICE...I**...'** ME, EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN!!! There is a mardi gras of gay men waiting downstairs to pound your precious asshole into oblivion, so you and the annoyingly hot Brit had BETTER START TALKING!!"

Rob sat up straight in his chair. "You think I'm hot?" he asked mildly.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, PATTINSON!!" Alice screamed. She was starting to hyperventilate. I grabbed her and pulled her onto the couch with me. I held her hand and rubbed it gently. Edward looked at me. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Well, Edward," I said, venom dripping from my tongue. "You heard your sister. Start...talking."

***

EPOV

I took a deep breath and did my best to explain the bizarre, but completely blow-job free circumstances that led to what Alice was now calling "Edward and Rob's Royal Fuck-up". I watched Bella carefully while I talked, desperate for her to understand that the pictures showed nothing but two heterosexual men in a really unfortunate position. I saw the inferno behind her eyes fade as I spoke, and I thanked God that she believed me.

As I spoke about The Screamers, I noticed Rob put his head in his hands and break into a light sweat. He pulled out his cigarettes, but quickly put them away again when Alice inferred that she would rip his dick off if he lit up.

As I finished, Alice stood up and started pacing. "So...let me get this straight...you two GROWN MEN - both of you packing decent muscles and standing around six foot two – ran away from TWO teenage girls and hid, like the enormous pussies you are, behind a dumpster?"

Rob ran his fingers through his hair. "Well, when you put it like that, shorty, it sounds pretty appalling." Alice glared viciously at him. "See, Alice, I really think the gay angle is more flattering for us." She upped her intensity. He made a small strangled noise and sank back into his chair. She advanced on him.

"Pattinson, I expect this level of fuck-uppery from my brother, it's one of his many talents," - _Bitch -_ "....but you? How on earth have you managed to carve out a career for yourself while being a completely clueless dumbfuck?"

Rob shrugged and sighed. "It hasn't been easy, love."

Alice huffed a frustrated sigh. "I really don't know what the fuck to do with you two. I'm so angry with you both, I can't even speak anymore." She flopped down onto the couch and put her head in her hands. I felt like a piece of shit.

_You should have told her, Cullen._

_I know._

_She would have bitch-slapped you but at least she wouldn't have been blind-sided._

_I know._

_Despite the fact that she constantly breaks your balls, most of the time she does it for your own good._

_I fucking know, alright!_

I walked over to Alice and pulled her up into my arms. She resisted at first, but eventually she wrapped herself around me and squeezed. "Alice," I wheezed, "just a little too tight, sweetie."

She squeezed tighter. "I know." I closed my eyes as my lungs screamed for air. _How the fuck is such a tiny woman so strong? _She finally let go and the air rushed into my lungs.

I gasped as I looked down at my sweet, infuriating sister, and she smiled at me like an angel. God, I loved her, and I really didn't deserve her. "Alice, I'm sorry," I puffed. "I should have told you." She looked up at me and sighed.

"Yeah, you should have," she said resignedly, and kissed my cheek.

Rob walked over to us. "Um....Alice, I'm sorry too. Can I get in on some of the kissing action?" Alice laughed and punched him in the arm. He cringed and yelped. "OW! Jesus, woman, don't bruise the merchandise!"

Bella stood up and walked over to us. "Yeah Alice," she said with a smile, "the boys downstairs will want their meat fresh and unblemished."

Rob glared at her. "You're not funny, Swan."

She ruffled his hair playfully. "Yeah, I am, Pattsy." She came over to me and put her arms around my neck. I immediately felt all the tension leave my body as this incredible woman – MY woman – looked at me with love in her eyes. "Honey," she breathed, "I don't care if you do like punching the chocolate starfish, I still love you."

I pulled her roughly against me. "You know what Swan?" I said, trying to suppress my smile and my erection, "Rob's right. You're really not funny."

She giggled and I kissed her delicious mouth. Rob coughed loudly, and we broke apart. "Christ you two, get a room!"

"Pattinson," Bella laughed, "this IS our room."

He raised his eyebrows and looked around, then shrugged and sat back down in his chair. "Oh...well...carry on then." He leaned back and mimed eating popcorn.

We all cracked up at that, only stopping when Alice brought us back to our dilemma.

"All right you guys," she laughed, "this is all well and good, but we still have the small problem that most of the world now thinks you two pretty-boys are gay. Now, personally, I don't give a shit, but realistically, especially for you Edward, the majority of your fans buy your crap because they think you're a hetero-hottie."

I bristled slightly. "Alice, don't you think it's possible they buy my so-called crap because they actually like my music?"

Alice scoffed. "Edward, I love your music honey, it's fabulous. But do you really think you'd sell as many albums if you didn't look like you do, and the screamers didn't think they actually had a chance to bone you?" I groaned loudly.

Rob stood up and went over to Alice. "Look, why don't we just ignore the whole thing and hope it goes away. I mean, if we come out with our denial guns a-blazing, people will just think we're hiding something, right, so what's the point? People can make up their own minds about us. I really don't care what they think."

Alice ignored him. "Edward, you are going to lose a whole packet of screamers if you don't do something about this."

Bella stroked my hand, feeling my tension. She turned to Alice, an idea dawning on her face. "Alice, do you think that the fans he may lose MIGHT be balanced by the new gay fans he will gain?"

Alice crossed her arms and thought about it. "Hmmmm....perhaps. It's hard to tell."

Bella looked at me. "Well then is there any point making more out of this than we need to?"

I saw relief pour onto Rob's face. "Thank you, Swan, for agreeing with me," he breathed. "There's NO point in denying it, just let people make up their own minds and move on."

I could see the wheels in Alice's mind turning as she said, "Bella, are you suggesting we don't try and deny this, and just let people make up their own minds?"

Rob huffed. "Am I fucking invisible? Didn't I just say that?"

Alice patted Bella's shoulder. "Good idea, honey."

Rob rolled his eyes. "It was MY idea," he cried petulantly.

"Ok listen up," Alice said decisively, "I'll go back down there...I'll reiterate that the photos have been taken out of context....blah, blah, blah...and we never speak of it again." She turned to leave. Rob huffed again and began an epic sulk.

Alice turned to him and beckoned him with her finger. "Pattinson, come."

He blushed and sprang out of his chair, following closely behind her. "I fucking love it when you tell me what to do, shorty."

I saw Alice's evil grin. "Get used to it." She opened the door and turned back to us. "You two - get your crap together and I'll meet you downstairs in fifteen minutes. I have a limoorganized to take us to the airport, and then we'll get back to LA and face the mayhem there." The door closed, leaving Bella and I alone.

I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her against my body. I instantly became hard and I saw her eyes widen. "Bella, are we ok?" I asked gently.

She traced her fingertips over my jaw and I sighed deeply. "Yes, Asstard, we're ok." She took a deep breath. "When I first saw those photos I thought I had landed in BizarroWorld, but I have to say, I also found the image of you and Rob together...um...kind of hot."

I laughed and cupped her face in my hands. "Swan, if you're suggesting that you and I and the Brit should have a threesome, the answer is 'no fucking way'. You're mine now, and I don't share." I suckled the delicate flesh of her throat, and she whimpered softly as she wound her fingers through my hair. _God, I love it when she does that._

"I don't want to be shared," she breathed sexily, "I just want you...always." I came back to her mouth and she kissed me with fierce intensity. I reached down and grabbed her delectable ass, lifting her up to my waist. She wrapped her legs around me and I strode quickly into the bedroom and slammed the door.

"So," I said, breathlessly, as I bent my head to ravage her breasts, "fifteen minutes?"

She ripped my shirt off and started on my jeans. "More like twelve now," she panted.

I undressed her in record time and threw her on the bed. "Plenty of time."

***

**Chapter End Notes**

_So you know the drill peeps – if you're feeling the love, send it my way and the next chapter gets pumped out faster. _

_*snort* Sorry, can't say the word "pumped" without thinking of Edward's hand around his...um...ahem...well....gotta go...um...yeah. Bye. *Slaps forehead* Sheesh, stop talking. Everyone will think you're a fucking pervert. *Slinks into the bathroom and shuts the door*_


	13. The Bet

**Author's Notes**

Well, after the last chapter, there have been calls to give Giney and Godzy their own spin-off series. My God, you girls are seriously disturbed - and I LOVE you for it!! We'll see girls...we'll see. Maybe I can at least manage some outtakes for them. PM me, or jump of the forum: (.?f=44&t=4404&st=0&sk=t&sd=a&hilit=The+Screamers)

with ideas.

Ok, so when writing this chapter, I asked for suggestions on what punishments The Bet could entail, and let me tell you, there were some truly evil suggestions (all of which I loved). A shout to MaleficentKnits, venusfeuri, Amander, Naelany, LitanyG, Hawklore and my sooper secrit fiance for all of their evil inspiration. I have plundered your ideas thoroughly and they're now having a bit of a lie down and a cup of tea. I chose the ones I did because...well...I was a bit hungover and...nope that's it...I was hungover. Nuff said.

Just a warning that there WILL be some bumps in the road for our crazy couple in upcoming chapters, so don't expect it to be all smiles and Star Wars jokes (although there will still be some of those on the way.) Don't say I didn't warn you.

To Catty-Wan - my incredible and clever Beta, Advisor and ego stroker - love you baby. Thanks for all of your help with this chapter (and for curbing my inner Jenna Jameson *smirk* Let us never mention it again.)

Disclaimer - SM owns these characters. I own a chronically depressed Tonkinese. *sigh*

Love you all.

**Chapter 13 – The Bet**

BPOV

The trip back to LA was reasonably drama-free. When our limo pulled up at the airport in New York, there was a small throng of reporters waiting for us, and Alice fed them what was now becoming the standard line – Rob and Edward's 'gay' photos were taken out of context, and everyone had completely overreacted. The gossip hounds were trolling for more dirt, but Alice refused to deliver.

As soon as we took our seats on the plane, Edward passed out. I guess the marathon of unacceptable touching had taken its toll on him after all. Jesus, I still had trouble comprehending the depth of hotness that had transpired in that hotel room. Never in my wildest dreams had I considered that making love could be as earth-shattering as it was with Edward. Even now, I could feel every muscle in my body aching from the intensely thorough pleasuring they had received at his incredible hands. I looked over at him, ogling his masculine beauty shamelessy.

_He really does look like a God when he sleeps._ _Pale and perfect._ _The eyes, the nose, the mouth...wait...is that drool?_ _Okeee....turning and talking to Alice now._

"Honey, how are you feeling?" I asked quietly. She looked tired, so I put my arm around her and pulled her into my shoulder.

"Bells," she sighed, "I don't think I have ever been as tired as I am right now." I stroked her hair gently, and she sighed and closed her eyes. "What about you?" she yawned. "Feel free to spare me any appallingly intimate details, but is my brother treating you okay?"

I smiled to myself. 'Okay' is definitely not a word I would ever use when describing her brother. Magnificent? Maybe. Spectacular? Certainly. Drop-dead gorgeous and hotter than Hades? Definitely. "Yeah," I said mildly, "we have a pretty decent time together.

_Swan, you are going to hell in a handbasket for that heinous and blasphemous understatement._

Alice cuddled into me and I lay my head on top of hers. "Well, I'm happy for you Bells, I really am. If anyone deserves to be happy it's you."

"What about your brother?"

"Pffft. After the shit-fight I experienced today, he deserves a good, swift kick in the balls... but don't worry, I will have my revenge." She yawned loudly. "By the way, now that you two are exchanging bodily fluids, I've made appointments for you both to be screened for sex germs, and while you're at it, pick up some birth control pills for fuck's sake. The number of condoms you two went through last night is just...wrong. The appointment's tomorrow at ten**. **Don't be late."

I smiled at the tiny dynamo beside me and stroked her hair until she fell asleep. She certainly does think of everything.

Ahhh...Alice. She was an incredible woman, and I didn't understand why she didn't have someone special. For a second, I thought she and Rob might have had a connection, but when I mentioned it she scoffed and left the room, mumbling something about it being practically incest.

Edward had mentioned something about her having a crush on his therapist, Jasper. Hmmm, maybe there is some interfering to be done there on her behalf. I suppressed an evil laugh and vowed I would make it my personal crusade to fix Alice up with a certain Dr Hottie.

When we touched down in LA, there was a huge contingent of reporters and paparazzi waiting.

"Shit," Alice breathed, "this is worse than I thought." The crowd saw us and started yelling for Edward to come over and answer their questions. I saw him shift nervously from one foot to the other as he registered that behind the papps was a growing contingent of screamers.

"Edwaaaard!! I don't care that you're gay!! You're still hot!"

"Eeeeee….Edward, choose me!! Not Rpattz!!"

"Hey, Eddie!!! It takes a REAL man to love another man!!" a deep voice bellowed. _What the…?_ Apparently The Screamers now included large, leather-clad bikers with handle-bar moustaches _and _some really pretty guys who dressed better than Alice. Weird.

Edward did a massive double-take and then gripped my hand tightly. "Is it wrong that I'm less afraid of him than I am of the tweenagers?"

I smiled as Alice started herding us toward the airport's side exit. "Okay you two, the limo should be right out those doors. Go…save yourselves." She looked around nervously. "Give me fifteen minutes, and if I haven't returned, run away and don't look back." She hugged Edward fiercely. "Sweetie, if I die defending your piss-weak honor, I'm gonna come back and haunt you so thoroughly, you'll never get laid again." She turned to me and stroked my hair. "Bells, if I don't make it, I want you to have the only thing of real value I own – my battery-operated Jasper. Treat him well and he'll give you pleasure like you've never known."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Alice, I'm standing right here."

She looked at him mildly. "I know." She strode away, head held high. "Into the breach, my friends!!"

We both chuckled softly at the insane pixie and I dragged Edward out the door. Exhaustion was finally washing over us. We crawled into the limo's open door and slumped into the plush leather seats. Edward pulled the door shut, and as the relative quiet enveloped us, we both sighed and looked at each other.

Edward raised his eyebrow at me. "So Swan...while we're waiting...do you feel like...?"

I shrugged. "Nah...too tired."

He nodded in understanding. "What about...?"

"Hmmm...maybe later."

He sighed and nodded again. "Then can I possibly interest you in...?"

I nodded lamely. "Sure, I could probably manage that." He leaned over and started kissing me. Suddenly, every drop of blood in my body rushed to my vagina. _Dear God and all the saints._ _Not tired anymore!!_ Within seconds we were all over each other. Our hands were touching and squeezing, our tongues were dancing around each other fiercely, and soon, the whole limo was echoing with our frenzied moans.

"Oh, God, Edward, your hands have been away from my tits for far too long!"

He groaned and pulled me hard against his body. "Christ Bella, I can't believe how hard you make me...so fucking hard!" I rubbed his huge erection through his jeans and felt a surge of power as he groaned loudly. "Oh, yeah, baby...touch me there...fuck, yes Bella!"

He claimed my mouth again and I felt myself gush into my panties. "Oh, shit, Edward...you make me so wet. Oh...God, yes...right there. That's it, baby! YES!"

"Um...Mister Cullen?" We froze and looked toward the voice. Our ancient driver was looking at us in horror from the front seat. _Where the hell did he come from?_ "I was just wondering if you would like the modesty screen up, sir?" he wheezed.

Edward and I looked at each other. Edward swallowed quickly and frowned, thinking hard. He looked at me. I shrugged and nodded slightly. "Um...yeah, sure, why not?" Edward said lamely.

"If you want to," I said, helpfully.

"Yeah, I mean, if you want to," Edward reinforced.

The driver looked between us. We smiled at him, innocently. I may have been hearing things but I'm almost sure I heard him whisper "Horny fucking rock-star" as the screen began to ascend.

Our heavy breathing filled the air while the modesty panel hummed its way slowly up into the ceiling. I drummed my fingers on my knees, and saw Edward pick some non-existent lint off his shirt as we watched it inch upwards. The second it connected with the roof Edward and I attacked each other again.

We had barely recommenced our mutual gropage when the door flew open and Alice stepped in. "Alright you two," she said in disgust, "once again, I have saved the day. Please don't reward me by making me claw my eyeballs out of my head." She tapped the modesty screen, signaling the driver to go.

We got back to our penthouse in pretty good time, and we all heaved a sigh of relief as we stepped from the elevator. "Right," Alice yawned as she headed towards her bedroom, "I am going to sleep, and if either one of you wakes me, your life will be worth less than a dead rat in a tampon factory. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Alice," we chimed in unison.

She turned and looked at us before she left the room. "So, just to be clear, Edward, no homo-erotic photo sessions in alleys, okay? And for the love of all that's holy, no goddamn sex noises! Just try and keep your hands off each other for a few hours – please."

Edward scoffed. "Alice, we're not teenagers. We can control ourselves you know."

Alice turned slowly towards him._ Oh no, Cullen, stop talking, stop talking, stop talking!!!_

She raised her eyebrow. "Can you, now?" she breathed, an evil glint sparkling in her eye.

Edward looked at me. I gave him the "don't-say-another-word-or-you're-going-to-dig-a-hole-for-yourself-that-you'll-never-crawl-out-of" signal. He looked at me in confusion. "Do you need to use the bathroom, baby?" he asked quietly.

I stopped waving my hands and glared at him. _Stupid man, couldn't tell one signal from the other._ He turned back to Alice. "Alice," he said calmly, "Bella and I are mature adults..." I started coughing. _Speak for yourself Cullen, I have never claimed to be mature. _"If you think we can't go for a couple of hours without humping like rabbits, then you are very sorely mistaken."

Alice smiled, and all of my skin suddenly wanted to be somewhere else. "Really?"

Edward nodded decisively. "Really."

"Well then, dear brother," she said, and I suddenly got the mental picture of a venus fly-trap just waiting for its prey to put both of his stupid size elevens inside her mouth before snapping shut, "I will BET you that you and little-miss-wet-panties over there cannot keep your hands of each other's groiny parts for the duration of my nap."

"Pfftt," Edward scoffed. "That is a bet you are going to lose, baby sister."

I groaned and slapped my hand against my forehead. _Cullen, where have you been for the past twenty-four hours?_ _Have you learned nothing about our complete and utter lack of control?_ _Have you even met Giney and Godzilla?!!_

"What do I get if I win?" he challenged the now evil, grinning pixie.

She tapped her chin in thought. "Name your price, pretty boy."

His brow furrowed in concentration for a few moments, before a virtual light-bulb went off in his head and he smirked. "Okay, if I win..." he looked at me quickly, and for just a second I could see fourteen year old Edward, farting in his sister's pillow and giggling like a maniac, "...if I win, darling sister, you have to be my slave for a day." I saw utter dread flicker behind Alice's eyes before she composed her face.

Edward warmed into his idea and became more and more animated. "You have to do exactly what I say, when I say it. You may not order, cajole, threaten or insult me for twenty-four hours**."** Alice developed a slight tic in her left eye**.** "AND, you HAVE to have a therapy session with Dr Jasper regarding your unnatural propensity, and delight, over breaking my balls." Edward smiled smugly at me. I wanted to show him my support without pissing off Alice so I nodded quickly at him and then shook my head sadly at her. _Whoa...whiplash._

Alice looked like a thermometer on a hot day. I could almost see the blood rising up her neck and into her head, and I truly feared that the little one might actually, finally, blow her top. She turned the full force of her laser-gaze on Edward, but he deflected it easily with the knowledge that he had his sister exactly where he wanted her. Frustrated, Alice turned her gaze out the window, and I'm sure I heard a dog whimper in the distance.

"Fine, Edward," she said with clenched teeth. "I agree to your terms."

Edward then did what can only be described as...a happy dance. He jiggled from one foot to the other and pumped his hands in a circular motion. He looked ridiculous. I, sadly, still found it unbelievably hot.

Alice fixed him with her gaze again and the happy dance quickly died. "So, Edward," she breathed in a voice that would make a marine run screaming from the room like a bitty baby, "aren't you going to ask me what happens if YOU lose the bet?"

Edward froze. He tried to act casual but he had his 'freak-out' face on. I knew it well because I saw it every time he had to deal with the screamers - and whenever he saw an episode of True Blood – for some reason he had an unnatural aversion to vampires.

He attempted to compose his face. "Okay Alice...what happens if I lose?"

"If you lose? Good question, sweetie. Oh, dear, what will be your punishment if you lose?" she frowned in thought. She looked between us, and my stomach tried to claw its way out through my throat. "Ooh, I know," she said mildly, "you have to go on a date, with...a screamer." _Oh…no._"The date must be in a public place, where other screamers may be present, you may not take your Bella-shaped security blanket, and at the end of the night, you must kiss said screamer, on the lips."

Edward immediately turned white, and for a horrifying second, I thought he was going to cry. There was no way in the world Edward would be able to handle that, certainly not without me there to control his anxiety and mood swings. I nudged him slightly to make sure he was still breathing and he took in a ragged breath. "Alice," I said, pleading with her "do you really think that's a good idea?"

"Bella," she said patiently, "either shit or get off the potty – those are my terms, take them or leave them."

I suddenly wanted to go back in time to before this conversation had ever happened and gag Edward before the bet was even proposed. As it was, Alice was looking at him expectantly. "Well, Edward," she asked, "do we have a bet?"

He looked at me and I shook my head vigorously. "Ok, Alice," he conceded, his shoulders slumping in resignation. I tried in vain to reach out and slap him with my mind. "The bet is on."

Alice squealed like a kid. "Ooh, yay! I love beating your sorry ass!! You, dear brother, are totally going down!" She looked at us intensely and we both trembled slightly. "Now, remember you two – no groin touchage WHATSOEVER, or you will lose like the losers you are!!" Hmmm...I had never witnessed gloating-Alice before. She wasn't pretty. "And don't trying to get away with anything while I'm asleep beeyatches, because I'll fucking know about it, mark my words."

She strode to her room and shut the door. I glared at Edward. He was breathing unevenly, but at this moment in time, I had zero sympathy left. He held his hands up innocently. "What?! I couldn't not take the bet..."

"Yes, you could not take the bet!" I insisted. "That's exactly what you could have done! Edward, not only have you subjected us to HOURS of torturous celibacy – which, quite frankly, is punishment enough - you have agreed to be ALONE, in an intimate environment with a screamer, if we can't keep our hands off each other. In what universe did you see this ending well?!"

"Bella," he sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair, "you don't understand. Ever since we were kids, Alice has won every bet we've ever made. I need this – desperately."

"But Edward, you CANNOT win this bet, unless I drug you, which obviously isn't an option - or strap you down."

He furrowed his brow and raised his hands to me. "Bella, please, give me a little credit. I do have some self-control."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Edward, get over here now and eat my pussy."

"Oh, yeah, baby!"

"No dumbshit that was a test! You have zero control, none, nada! Sheesh!"

He pointed his finger accusingly at me. "Well, you're not much better, you know?"

"I know!" I cried, "THAT's why I didn't want to make this stupid bet. At least I'm not living in denial about MY lack of control."

He ran his hands through his hair and huffed in frustration. "Look...we just need to do things that will keep our minds off sex."

"Well, then I suggest you go far away from me, because if you're in the same room as I am, looking at me with those please-rape-me eyes, speaking to me in your fucking-hot-sex-voice and generally looking like a giant, gift-wrapped orgasm waiting to happen, this ridiculous bet is going to be over in two seconds flat."

His eyes darkened and I could see Godzilla struggling to come out and play. "Oh, Jesus, Bella, you get me so hot when you talk like that," he groaned.

"Edward!" I admonished, pointing to his straining erection. "Not helping!!"

He sighed loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose. _Shit, I even find that sexy._ "Ok, fine," he said in resignation, "I'll go into the music room. You go to your bedroom."

"Good plan," I said quickly. I needed some new panties anyway.

He disappeared, only to reappear a few seconds later. "So, when she said no touching our groiny parts, did she mean we couldn't touch ourselves either?"

"Yes."

"Dammit!"

***

I puttered around my bedroom, desperately trying to not think about sex and listening to the beautiful piano music coming from down the hall.

_Well, at least if you can hear him playing, you know he has both hands on the piano and not on his cock. Oh...wait...wait...yep, there it is - awesome mental image._

_Ok, stop thinking about Edward's cock. You can do this. Listen to the pretty music._

I listened to the complicated melody. It sounded classical but with Edward's own special twist. I imagined his beautiful hands gracefully moving across the keys, stroking them, caressing them...plunging deep into their moist hotness.

_OK, STOP! What are you sixteen? You're a grown woman for God's sake._

_But...his fingers....sooooo pretty...soooo long..._

_Shut it! Focus. Do something useful for God's sake!_

I stood up with purpose and started unpacking my bag from New York. _Hmmm...here's the shirt that Edward ripped off my body last night...here's the remains of the lube and condoms we decimated during our sexual frenzy...here's the porn that led to several mind-blowing orgasms...oh, and here are the fifteen pairs of panties I went through in the forty-eight hours I was in New York. Excellent. What a great way to keep my mind off sex. _

I growled in frustration and flopped down on the bed. Maybe I'd try to take a nap.

I stripped off my clothes and crawled between the cool sheets. There had to be a way for Edward and I to win this bet. Christ, it's only a few hours! If I can just stay away from him, I'll be fine. Well, as long I can stay away from him AND stop thinking about him...and I certainly shouldn't think about his enormous, hard, fucking-gorgeous cock pumping in and out of me**, **because that would be just...wrong.

Shit.

_Dear God – why do you torture me so when I have been so fervent and, well...loud, in proclaiming my affection for you? _I cuddled a pillow to my chest and sighed deeply, trying to think of green fields and blue skies...and not of Edward taking me roughly from behind.

***

EPOV

My hands slid deftly over the keys of the piano, but my mind was miles away. Why is it that the minute you're told you can't have something, your desire for it increases exponentially? I rocked forward and backward as I played, partly to feel the rhythm of the music, and partly because it felt good on my swollen cock. I thought idly about what Bella was doing, and wondered if she was faring any better than I was.

Damn Alice and her evil pixie ways! Part of me knew that "Edward and Rob's Royal Fuck-up" was partly to blame for my current predicament. Alice was a great sister, and an amazing manager, but when it came to forgiving and forgetting, her credo was "Fuck that shit, make them suffer." She had picked the ultimate punishment for me, and I was determined not to give her the satisfaction of carrying out her heinous plan.

I groaned as my cock throbbed, and begged me, pathetically, to find Bella and plunge into her, deeply and repeatedly. My hands pushed down roughly on the keys at the thought, and I pounded them fiercely to stop myself from running from the room and doing just that.

_Ok, just breathe. Keep playing and breathe. You can do this. You are not a caveman who is a slave to his base sexual desires. _

The madman poked his head out of his cage and raised an eyebrow. _Did someone call me?_

I squeezed my eyes shut and started playing Mozart. Mozart was jaunty, and happy, and not the least bit sexy. I concentrated on the lilting rhythms and delicate counter-point, and tried to push Bella's face from my mind. She kept floating back to me – filthy Bella in the alley, burning me with her fiery eyes - freshly washed Bella, plundering the unsuspecting breakfast foods with wild abandon - magnificent Bella, taming the screamers and demanding to know if I wanted to fuck the big-titted waitress.

I felt myself smile as I thought about the incredible woman who had turned my life upside down. A mental image of Bella, lying beneath me as we made love, pushed itself into my brain. Her mouth was open, her hair fanned slightly around her head. She moved back and forth on the pillow as I thrust into her, her eyes dark and heavy with desire and pleasure.

The madman opened his cage and walked out – grinning like an idiot and stroking his cock. _Come on Edward...just unzip you pants and we can relieve all of this annoying...throbbing._

I closed my eyes and groaned, trying to reason with myself. _Cullen, if you touch yourself, at all, this whole thing is over. Alice will know, and before you know it you'll be looking across __the__table__ at a fifteen year old with shiny, sharp braces, who has a voice that could cut glass, and who will, no doubt, spend the whole night telling you how 'totes awesome' you are, while you bang you head loudly on the table and ask random passers-by to kill you._

The madman sneered._ Christ, stop being so melodramatic. Worry about the consequences later, stroke your cock furiously now!_

I kept pounding the keys of the piano, determined to not rip my jeans apart and pump myself into a frenzy. The whole room reverberated with the sheer volume of sound. I growled with satisfaction. _I hope you can hear this, Alice!_ _Wake-up you little bitch, so I can be relieved of this torture!! _

My fingers took on a mind of their own, and Mozart morphed into a grinding rhythm and blues tune, with a sensual, roaming bass line and sharp, thrusting chords. In my mind, the song became the soundtrack to a particularly pornographic image of Bella, dancing provocatively in front of me, before straddling me and impaling herself onto my painfully rigid cock. She wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned back, sliding herself up and down my aching length. I watched in awe as her slick wetness coated me. I could see every inch of myself disappear into her and I punished the piano even harder, violently grinding out my frustration and trying to push the seductive image from my mind. The music was coming hard and fast, but the fantasy continued to play behind my eyes. The blood pounded through my body as I imagined her headthrown back in ecstasy as she clenched and spasmed around me, and I almost came then and there.

"Arrrrghh!" I screamed, panting heavily as my heart thundered painfully in my chest. In frustration, I banged my forehead roughly down onto the keyboard. I pushed my fevered skin into the cool smoothness, and grasped the sides of the piano like a drowning man clutching a life-preserver. Godzilla rubbed roughly against the inside of my jeans, whimpering for relief.

"_Hmmm...a bit out of control, aren't we, Edward?"_ the madman breathed. _"I haven't seen you this worked up since you tried to quit cocaine...the first time around." _He sat in a chair and steepled his fingers in front of his face. _ "Tell me Edward, do you think this is normal, how you feel about Bella? How you can't get enough of her – how you crave her more with each passing moment? Do you think a man who didn't have your...proclivity for addictive substances, would be reacting like this? Or is it just you?"_

I tangled my fingers in my hair and tugged furiously. _If you don't have anything constructive to say, then shut the fuck up._

_You don't think I'm being constructive? Oh, dear. I simply wanted to make you aware of your growing dependence on this woman. Now, you know me, I'm all for destructive obsessions, but isn't this exactly the sort of thing you're trying to __avoid__**?**_

_What?! You think Bella is just another mindless addiction? That's completely fucked up, even for you._

_Is it? It's been less than an hour since you've touched her...been close to her, and yet, here you are, banging __your__ head against a large musical instrument and arguing with yourself. THAT sounds pretty fucked up to me._

I pushed myself off the piano stool and started pacing.

_This is ridiculous. Bella is not a goddamn __addiction__**. **__She's__ the woman I love._

_Well, I've seen people in love before, and I'm pretty sure none of THEM embraced the shitload of crazy that you're currently processing. _

The madman leaned forward and whispered into the darkest corners of my lust-crazed mind. _You NEED her Edward. You need to feel her beneath your hands as much as you need air in your lungs. Staying away from her just isn't an option. Surely your time in New York proved that to you. You said it yourself – when it comes to this woman, you are incapable of maintaining control. There IS something wrong with you. She calls to you...hypnotizes you. Just like drugs. Just like booze. Just like nicotine. How can you possibly think that she is anything but your latest obsessive __addiction__**?**_

_No. You're wrong._

He sighed and held his hands up._ Look, I don't want to fight. I want her just as much as you do – more in fact – I just don't see the point of denying yourself this for the sake of a stupid bet. You should know better by now than to bet with Alice – you WILL NOT win. So why prolong the inevitable any longer? Go to Bella. Take __her__the__ way you know she wants you to. Lose yourself in her and claim her as your own. Do it now. Why torture yourself any longer when you know this whole thing is a forgone conclusion?_

My breathing sped up. _Jesus. Is the madman right for once? Am I torturing myself for nothing? Was anything, any bet, worth staying away from my other half?_

The madman scoffed. _Actually, I'M your other half – you know, good and evil and all that shit. She would be your better half. My point __is,__ she's__ in that bedroom right now...thinking about you...probably wet as hell, and just crying out to be __ravished__ by the man she loves. Would you be so selfish as to deny her that_?

My mind struggled to think._ Well...when you put it like that...I was being pretty selfish. But a date with a screamer? I suppose it couldn't be THAT bad, could it? _My pulse immediately doubled and a knot the size of an anaconda began to coil in my stomach. I groaned and desperately wished I could reach inside my head and wipe the smug smile off the madman's infuriating face.

_I can't believe I'm actually considering this bullshit. If I do this, if I let you win, what's to stop you__from__ taking over – playing puppet master with my life again while I take a backseat and hate myself for __it__**?**_

His smile widened, and I fought the bile that rose in my throat. _Edward, why on earth would I want to do that?_

My temples throbbed as I fought desperately to maintain control. The madman kept pushing sense-surround images of Bella into my brain. My skin tingled as I remembered her tracing my chest and abs with her fingertips. My mouth and tongue ignited as I recalled the feel of her on my face, groaning and writhing as I devoured her sweet juices. My cock screamed her name at the thought of her, gripping and releasing aroundme in excruciating pleasure.

_Do it Edward. Go to her. Now._

I strode over to the door frame and braced my hands against it. My biceps strained as I fought to deny the madman's desires. He snarled in frustration_. _

_Just a few more steps, Edward. Just a few more steps to the room where she's waiting. Go to her. Take her. Pretend you're making love if that makes you happy. Do it. Now._

My control crumbled. A feral growl escaped my chest as I exploded out of the room and strode to Bella's door. My hand trembled as it reached out to touch the cool metal of the door handle.

_Bella...please....please have locked you door. If you locked your door you really don't want me to come in there and __ravish__ you. If you locked the door, the choice is taken out of my hands and I don't have to fight the madman anymore. Please Bella..._

I closed my eyes and pushed down gently on the door handle.

_Shit!!_

***

BPOV

I was back in my alley. The putrid stench of garbage assailed my nostrils and I was strangely comforted by it. Mikey Newton was standing beside me, his arm around my shoulders.

"Good to have you back Bells," he said as he smiled at me with his decaying teeth. "This is where you belong...here, with me, not in some ritzy penthouse with the rock-and-roll pretty boy."

I felt moisture pool in my eyes as I tried to deny the truth in his words, but this is all I had ever known, all I had ever thought I deserved. _Why did I think I had any right to expect more?_ _Who was I kidding?_ I struggled to contain my emotion. "But Mikey....I love him...and he loves me."

Mikey looked down on me with pity in his eyes. "Oh, Bells...don't cry. Sure he loves you, for now." My breathing hitched and my heart ached as his words sliced into me. He pointed to the end of the alley and a dark shadow loomed there. My skin began to crawl and a gut-wrenching wave of shame burned my face.

Mikey kept pointing at the figure and looked into my eyes. "It's the things we keep hidden that define us Bells. Do you think he'll still love you when he discovers the truth?"

The truth? Did I have enough faith in Edward to think that my past wouldn't matter?

The shadow grinned at me through the darkness. _He's a special man, isn't he? Rich? Famous? What do you think would happen if the press got wind of you, little Swan? – "Ooh, look, Edward Cullen's new girlfriend – let's find out everything we can about her and splash it all over our pathetic papers and magazines." Hmmm....what a tasty treat you would make for the ravenous gossip hounds. They are going to rip you apart, aren't they? _ He started moving forward. I was caught between needing to beat his faceless flesh into a bloody pulp, and longing to get the hell out of there and hide myself so thoroughly he would never find me.

My heart began to pound as I weighed my options. Was I really going to let this asshole make me doubt Edward's love for me? If I didn't stand up to him now, I would always have his dark voice whispering doubts into my brain, and yet some part of me knew that he was right, and it terrified me.

I made my decision and started running. The dark shadow chased me, and I could hear his low snarl as my feet pounded the pavement. I felt his hot fingers grab the back of my shirt and yank me roughly against the wall. My head hit the bricks with a sickening thud.

I could smell his disgusting breath as he leaned his face into mine. _"Did you really think you __could__ out-run me, little Swan?_ _That you __could__ hide from me?"_ he breathed as his hands raked my body. _"Oh, poor Bella._ _You should have known better."_

Suddenly, my body started to blaze. Warm hands stroked me gently and I fought the sensation with every fiber of my being. I groaned a denial, but my body burned with defiant need. I inhaled sharply, and I was stunned as I immediately recognized a familiar scent.

Edward!

I looked up to see his magnificent face above me. "Oh God, Edward," I breathed, "I'm so glad you're here."

My heart exploded as he took my mouth in his. I couldn't stop myself from winding my fingers in his hair and pulling him impossibly closer. My tongue found his and we both groaned as I gave up control to our insatiable passion. This man was everything to me – body, mind and soul. My heart burst with love as I felt him nudge my legs apart and settle between them.

"Please...Edward...I need you..."

He looked at me with dark eyes, full of desperation, and need. "Bella," he panted, "what about the bet?"

I lifted my head off the bed and licked his muscular throat. He groaned with pleasure and I could feel the tip of his erection nudging my entrance. God I needed him. I needed him now more than I've ever needed anything. I needed him to love me and chase away all my doubts. Watching the emotions play out on his beautiful face, I positioned myself underneath him.

"Screw the bet," I growled as I thrust myself upwards, plunging his perfect cock into me, deeply.

"Jesus! Bella!" he groaned as he started moving inside me. "Oh, Christ, baby, yes! I can't believe I would even think of denying us both this. This…you…are heaven." His breathing increased as he moved in and out of me.

"Oh, God, Edward. Don't ever leave me...please." I could hardly contain myself asI felt his hard length sliding into me. My g-spot tingled and pulsed as his tip pounded against it, and I knew that this orgasm was going to be something very special.

"I won't leave you Bella," he rasped, increasing his pace and intensity. "I'll never leave you...unless I find out exactly what you did in your past to become such a fucking whore in bed."

My breathing stopped. "What...?"

He looked down at me and suddenly his features disappeared, leaving a dark head-shaped shadow in their place. "You know what I'm talking about Bella, right?" It was Edward's voice, but it had taken on a sinister liltthat made me push him off me and crawl away as fast as possible.

"YOU GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed, scrambling off the bed and retreating to the door.

"Don't panic, little Swan," the nameless face breathed. "You know you're my favorite girl." He started to laugh then, and I sat up in bed, gasping, groaning, and wanting to scrub my brain with iron brushes to remove the stench of the dream.

I tried to control my breathing as I ran my fingers through my hair. _Jesus, talk about your subconscious sending you a goddamn message._ I thought about the dark figure.

_No...it will never happen. Why would he bother? What could he possible gain from it?_

_Well, he does kind of despise you, so, I guess he would get some sick satisfaction from ruining your new life._

I swallowed hard. _That's what would happen, wouldn't it?_ _He'd track down Edward, tell him the truth, and Edward would be so disgusted with me, he'd never come near me again._

I whimpered softly, and looked around at the life I had deluded myself that I deserved. My eyes settled on the door, and I imagined myself running through it and never turning back.

It was then that I heard it – a very faint noise coming from the other side of my bedroom door. I threw the covers back and shrugged into my robe. I padded softly over to the door and listened. I heard a quiet moan.

"Edward?"

I heard movement on the other side of the door, and then his voice answered me tentatively. "Hey, Bella..."

"What are you doing out there?"

"Um...nothing. Just sitting."

I shook my head in confusion. "Edward, why are you sitting outside my bedroom door?"

I head a frustrated sigh. "Because you locked it." He sounded like a little boy who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I frowned, trying to understand his strange mood.

"Edward, if I hadn't locked my door, what exactly do you think you might have done?'"

I heard movement again, and when he spoke, it seemed like his mouth was right next to the wood.

"God...I don't know. I think I would have..." There was a long pause. "Shit. What the hell is wrong with me?"

"'You would have'....what, Edward?"

"Bella," he said with pain in his voice, "I'm cracking up...seriously. I think I need help"

"Edward, honey, just tell me what you think you would have done."

He sighed, and I could picture him running his fingers through his hair in frustration. "I would have given in to the madman and plundered you within an inch of your life, Swan. There, is that what you wanted to hear? I wanted to rip this fucking door off its hinges when I found out you had locked it because I'm in goddamn hell when I'm not with you and can't touch you, and my evil sister knows that, and that's why she proposed this stupid bet in the first place, and I'm just so damn mad at myself for not being able to control the fucking madman inside me, cause he makes me crazy, and sometimes he seems to be making so much sense, and he dazzles me with pictures of you, and then, all of a sudden, he's in the driver's seat and God help me, I want him to be...." I heard him panting roughly and my body ached to hold him. I turned the lock on the door slowly and I heard his panting stop.

"Bella...?"

"Edward, if I open this door, are you going to be ok?"

I heard him groan quietly and take a deep breath. "I think so."

I pulled the door open slowly, and my heart broke when I saw his face. He looked lost, and I almost cried because I didn't know if I was capable of helping him. I pulled him into my arms and we hugged each other fiercely. I inhaled deeply, finally able to breathe again now that he was back in my arms.

"Edward..." I said, carefully, "Who is the madman?"

I felt him stiffen slightly before pulling away and resting his forehead on my own. "You picked up on that, huh?" he said quietly. I smoothed his hair away from his face and made him look into my eyes. I saw how torn and upset he was with himself. He frowned, and I got the feeling that he may not be ready to share that part of himself with me just yet.

"It's ok," I assured him, "we don't have to talk about it now." He visibly relaxed and I pulled him close again, trying desperately to understand what sort of battle was raging within him.

He sighed into my neck, ruffling my hair with his sweet breath. "So, did you get some sleep?" he asked, gently.

I thought back to my disturbing dreams. "A bit," I said, non-commitally. I rubbed his back gently and felt the familiar burn start in my loins. His hands started moving too, and his arousal was becoming more obvious by the second. Our bodies called and beckoned to each other and I knew if we didn't get away from each other immediately, we wouldn't be able to stop ourselves, and gloating-Alice would cane our sorry, hormonal asses.

I pulled away quickly and took his hand. He groaned slightly at the loss of contact, but followed placidly behind me as I pulled him into the living room. "Come on, you," I said lightly, trying to take our minds off the scorching hot sex we weren't having. I pushed him lightly into a chair at the dining room table and retrieved a box off the nearby shelf. "I think you'll find that a white-hot game of R-rated Scrabble is just what the doctor ordered."

He looked at me and smiled. "Swan, don't you think we should be playing G-rated Scrabble, in an effort to alleviate our current...tension?"

"Aw, baby," I breathed, "just think of the satisfaction you'll get from nailing 'vagina' on a triple word score."

A low growl emanated from his chest. My uterus did back flips and screamed obscenities at the stupid bet that was torturing us all. I took in a ragged breath and felt my heart expand with love for my amazing, sexy, horny-assed man.

I looked at the evil pixie's door and fought the urge to burst through it, banging pots and pans and screaming like a lunatic. _Alice, you'd better wake up soon babe, or you are totally going to be off my Christmas card list...for life._

_****_

APOV

I opened my eyes and stretched, and my joints creaked and cracked. _Oh, yeah, that feels good._ I looked at the clock. I had been asleep for four hours. _Hee__hee__._ _I can't wait to see my brother's face when he admits that once again, I am Queen of the Bets._ Jesus_, he's such a putz!_ _He should really know better by now, but no, he just keeps coming back for more and I keep kicking his sorry ass to the curb._ _When will he learn?_

I got up went and to the bathroom to wash my face. As I looked in the mirror I thanked God that this bet was a sure thing. Jesus, if I actually had to go through with Edward's ridiculous punishments I would have to crawl into a hole somewhere and die. First of all, I don't do what other people tell me – they do what I tell THEM. That's just the way it is. Edward has always been my bitch, and if he thinks there is any way in hell that I would become his girl-Friday for a day, he is seriously fucking disturbed.

And then there was the gut-wrenching thought of having to have a therapy session with...ungh...Dr. Jasper. Christ, that would absolutely kill me dead. I didn't speak to Jasper…at least not out loud. I mean, I had conversations with my Jasper substitute as I pretended he was fucking me, but that was pretty much it. He was the only man I have ever met who removed the part of my brain that made functioning possible, and I had no idea why. I mean, sure, he was fucking gorgeous – and it wasn't just about the way he looked either, which just made me....gah...you know? - It was also his presence. When I was near him all I wanted to do was crawl into his arms and never leave. He was like a warm massage, a hot cup of tea, and a large injection of adrenaline all in one, and because he made me feel like that – in other words, calm yet out of control – he scared the crap out of me.

_Well, time to find my darling brother and inflict the heinous humiliation that he soooo has coming to him. _I was perfectly aware that this bet was largely payback for "Edward and Rob's Royal Fuck Up", and honestly, I was fine with that. Maybe next time he'll think twice before playing grab-cock in a public place. Idiot.

I chuckled as I opened the door to my room. _I cannot WAIT to see his face._ That was always the sweetest thing about trouncing his sorry ass – that adorable look of shame mixed with a tiny bit of petulance and a shit-load of annoyance – it gave me happy face. *sigh*

I stepped out into the hallway and listened. _Hmmm...no sex noises_. _Doesn't mean anything of course. They could have already screwed each other senseless and now be engaged in a post orgasmic coma._ I giggled quietly to myself. _I can't believe he actually agreed to this bet._ He and Bella had the whole 'soul-mates' thing going on, sure, but it was wrapped up in a thick, cringe-worthy blanket of out-of-control lust. I knew, without a doubt, that even if by some major miracle my randy-assed brother could actually keep his dick it in his pants, Bella wouldn't be able keep HER hands off him…and yet, Edward still agreed to my terms. _What the hell was he thinking?_ _Silly boy._

I walked past the music room. _Whoa...major sexual vibes coming from in there._ I looked at the polished wood of the ebony piano. _Oh...ewww!_ _Please don't let them have fucked on the Steinway...I'll never get my security deposit back if they find used condoms inside it._

I walked down to Bella's room. _Oh yeah...check out the unmade bed...ooh...Bella's clothes on the floor next to it? WIN!!!_

As I got closer to the living room I could hear their voices.

"Bella, that is not a word! It's not even a smut word for Christ's sake."

"It is SO a smut word, Mr Clever Pantalones!"

"Oh yeah? Use it in a sentence."

"Okay...um...she found it hard to get out of bed, because her legs were weak from all of the CUMMAGE. See? Real word."

I heard Edward chuckle. "Piss Girl, as soon as Alice wakes the fuck up, I am going to make YOUR legs go weak from all the cummage."

Bella whimpered slightly. "Um...so...does that mean I get the points?"

I walked into the room and saw Edward stand up quickly and grab the back of Bella's head, before pulling her up to his face and plundering her mouth. I wasn't quick enough to look away before I saw the huge tent he was pitching in his pants. _Oh God....my eyes....my eyes!!!_

I groaned in disgust and they both turned to look at me. They stopped breathing. _Yeah, that's right bitches; prepare to reap what you have sown!!!_

"Hi guys," I said lightly, trying to keep my intense need to gloat firmly under control. "What's happening?"

It was then that I saw it - Edward's face. It was wrong. Very, very wrong. There was no shame. There was no petulance. There was a shit-load of annoyance but it seemed lonely and out of place without the other two emotions. I got goosebumps all over my body and my heart started looking for an exit strategy. Edward smiled. I fought the need to run around the room screaming and pulling my hair out.

_No_. _No fucking way._ _There is NO FUCKING WAY these two have not molested each other's sexy parts for FOUR HOURS._ _It's impossible!_

Bella smiled too. _Jesus Christ!_ _Nooooooo!_

"Hey Alice," Edward breathed, and in that moment, I have never hated my brother more. "Did ya have a nice nap honey?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Edward Cocksucker Cullen, don't you DARE stand there smiling at me, and don't you FUCKING DARE try to tell me that you two have been playing Scrabble this WHOLE TIME because I know for a fact that you don't know that many fucking words!!" I could tell that my voice was becoming hysterical, but I couldn't help it. _This could not be happening._

I strode over to the table and glanced down at the board. It was almost full. Cock, finger, sex, blow, fuck, lick, suck, funbags, pecker, nutsack, labia, scrotum, spanking, and cummage were just a few of the words laid out. _Cummage?_ _What the FUCK?_ I looked at the score pad. Bella was caning his ass – of course.

I looked up at them and I was suddenly sure that I was still asleep and this was just one, giant, ridiculous nightmare. They were both grinning at me now, and they were breathing in unison. It was fucking freaky.

"So Alice," Edward said smoothly, "when shall I make your appointment with Dr Jasper.? Is tomorrow too soon?"

I started coughing because suddenly my heart leapt up into my throat and tried to strangle me. _Hey, good idea, heart._ _If I was dead I wouldn't have to sit in a tiny room with Dr Jasper, King of __Sex__ talking to me and looking at me and generally turning me into a gibbering pile of out-of-control goo._

"Edward, come on....you guys couldn't have..."

"Oh ,yes. We could have," Bella chimed, "and we did...and let me tell you my dear, evil best friend...if you EVER make me not touch your brother again for an extended period of time, I will go straight to Target and buy a whole wardrobe full of day-glo polyester – and CHEAP PANTIES!"

I gagged. "Bella, no...please....anything but that!"

Edward walked around the table to Bella and grabbed her roughly. He took her mouth fiercely and I gagged again as she reached around behind him and grabbed his denim-clad ass. Then he threw her over his shoulder and strode quickly to the bedroom as she giggled loudly. "See you later Alice," he called, "I'm going to spend several hours pleasuring my woman, and then we'll talk about the terms of your punishment - okay?" Bella giggled again and I started pulling my hair out in large chunks.

The door slammed loudly and I sank into the couch, unable to stop the debilitating dread and horror from washing over me. _I had lost. I had lost a bet to Edward_. For the first time in my life, I was my brother's bitch.

_SHITPOOPPISSDAMNFUCKITALLTOHELL!_

I put my head in my hands and tried to stop myself from trembling. _Oh...dear...Lord. I am in so much trouble._ The penthouse began to reverberate with loud and frantic sex noises, and as my ears began to bleed from hearing my brother yelling loudly that "GOD, YES BELLA, I'M CUMMING BABY, OH, AT LAST, YEEEEEEES!!" I officially acknowledged my descent into hell.

**A/N**

Awww....poor Alice. I have sooooo much torture in store for her! Quite a few of you have been panting for a bit of Jasper hotness - looks like you're going to get it!

Oh, hang on...the Madman wants to have a word with you:

_Hello girls. Mmmm...you look great. The way you're leaning over that keyboard makes you tits look hot. Ok now...come on, don't be a little tease....press the review button...you know you want to. That's it. Yesssss. Rub that little cursor over that hot, bulging button...oh God, that's it. Now press it! PRESS IT HARD! YEEEESSSS!!_

*Blink* Ahem...um...well that was embarrassing. _*Note to self: Keep the Madman away from the readers - they make him even madder than usual.* _

_See you all next time._

Mwah!


	14. Sexual Healing

**Author's notes**

**Ok, let me start by saying, I'm hurt. You have all hurt me. Shit, I've been asking, begging, pleading for reviews for this damn story for months now. MONTHS people! And then, the Madman hits you with "Oh, you've got great tits, pound the review button hard bitches!" and you all lose your mind? How is that fair? I'M the one doing the hard work here! Do you think Trash Compactor/Uterus jokes just happen by magic for fuck's sake? DO YOU? **

**Fine, that's it. I don't care if he got more reviews than me. I'm going to seriously cane his sorry ass in future chapters so he can just kiss my hynie. **_***Blows an enormous raspberry at the Madman who is smirking sexily in the background and mouthing lewd suggestions to the readers.***_** ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN, MONKEY-BOY!**

**Right, so huge love-cuddles to all my girls on UU and Twilighted Forums – you all rock hard.**

**To Catty-Wan – mentor, advisor, Beta and love of my life – thank you for being you.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns all things Twilight. I own the Madman, and I intend to make him pay **_***Puts on a Celine Dion album and cranks the volume. The Madman screams pathetically***_** Not so damn smirky now, are ya bitch?**

**Enjoy.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 14 – Sexual Healing**

**BPOV**

"Alice? Alice...?"

She was sitting on the couch, looking straight ahead, not blinking, barely breathing. I waved my hand in front of her face.

"Alice...honey...can you hear me?"

No response.

Edward and I had come out of the bedroom to grab supplies after several hours of playing, 'Who Can Cum The Loudest,' - he had won by the way - and we had found Alice – just...sitting - almost exactly where we had left her.

Edward chewed his fingernails nervously beside me.

"What wrong with her?" he asked quietly.

I looked at my catatonic best friend. She suddenly looked so fragile.

"Edward, I think...I think the whole bet thing may have...broken her?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella," Edward scoffed, nerves creeping into his voice. "My sister is made of goddamn reinforced titanium. The woman is indestructible."

I looked in her vacant eyes. "Obviously not."

I clicked my fingers in front of her face. Nothing.

"Talk to her again," Edward urged.

"You talk to her. It was your stupid bet that sent her over the edge."

"Fine," he huffed, and moved his face close to hers.

"Alice? Sweetie, please say something. Anything." He looked at me with worried eyes. "Come on, Alice, you're starting to freak us out."

She didn't respond.

Edward stood up and crossed his arms over his chest. "Maybe we should call a doctor?"

I knew that the idea of losing a bet to Edward was disturbing to her, but this was intense. She'd completely zoned out, and I had no idea how to help her. I'd never seen Alice like this. She always seemed so in-control, so strong.

I thought about how she was this morning when she found out about Rob and Edward's photos – full of piss and vinegar, exploding with fury – and now, she was exactly the opposite. She just looked...empty. If only we had some way of snapping her out of it.

An idea suddenly occurred to me. It was crazy, but it might just work.

"Turn on the television," I ordered Edward, "quickly!"

He looked at me in confusion. "Why?"

"Just do it, Cullen! I want to try something."

Edward picked up the remote control and flicked on the giant flat-screen. I turned Alice's head slightly so she was looking right at it. I hoped it wasn't too late. If my hunch was correct, Alice wouldn't be able to ignore what was about to come onto the screen.

I tapped my foot impatiently as late-night ads screamed that I could lose weight and get rocking abs while watching TV and swivelling on something that looked like it belonged in a gynaecologist's office.

_Come on...come on...please don't let him have been on already._

The ads finished. Jimmy Fallon appeared on the screen. I crossed my fingers.

"My next guest makes women all over the world swoon even though he plays a gay artist in his latest movie, and has recently been linked with hot muso, Edward Cullen, in real life..."

The TV audience screamed loudly and Edward covered his eyes with his hand. Fallon grinned at the hysterical reaction to his words. "Man, this guy gets more action than me and he doesn't even like the ladies! Please welcome, Robert Pattinson."

_Yay, Rpattz!_

I looked quickly at Alice.

Nothing.

I crossed my fingers.

_Come on Rob – I need you! _

He'd told me before we left New York that he was doing the show tonight, and if I knew Rob, his propensity for saying things that drove Alice insane might just work in our favor.

Rob appeared on the screen. He waved at the screamers and strolled across to shake hands with Jimmy. The audience was going berserk and I saw a nervous smile cross his face. He sat in the guest chair nearest Jimmy's desk and they both waited for the screaming to die down.

"Wow, man," breathed Jimmy, "you really set these girls off don't you."

That prompted another round of screaming and Rob ran his fingers through his hair nervously and raised his eyebrows, before mumbling, "Apparently."

"So, Robert, you've got a new movie out at the moment, tell us about it."

Rob rubbed his face in thought. "Well, it's called Little Ashes, and I play Salvador Dali..."

Jimmy interrupted him. "That's the guy who painted the melted clocks and stuff, right?"

"Yeah, that's him..."

"What's all that about, man? Weird..."

Rob laughed. "Yeah, well, he was kind of a weird guy.."

"And he was gay, right?"

"Well, he was very sexually confused..."

"But you have gay love scenes in this movie?"

"Yeah...I do..."

"What was that like? I mean, do you get to the set and you meet your co-star...maybe have a few beers and talk about girls, and then you're all like, 'Hey, man...let's make out?'"

Rob pinched the bridge of his nose and laughed. "Yeah, pretty much."

_Jesus, he really was just a scruffier, British version of Edward._

I looked over at Edward. Yep – pinching the bridge of his nose, but definitely not laughing.

Fallon was leaning forward in his seat now. "So, you have these full-on gay scenes in the movie, and then THESE pictures come out of you and Edward Cullen."

He held up the same magazine Alice had shown me this morning. I looked at Alice. Something flickered behind her eyes.

_Yes_! _Come on, Rob, you can do this._

Rob took a nervous sip from his cup as Jimmy laughed.

"I mean, dude, did the movie make you curious and you just thought you'd give it a go, or what?"

Rob laughed. "Well you know how it is, Jimmy. You go to a party, you have a few drinks, you meet a hot rock-star, and next thing you know his hands are all over you. It must happen to you all the time."

Alice's eye began to twitch.

_Yes, Rob, keep going!_

Fallon looked at the camera in shock. "Robert, how did you know that Edward Cullen molested me in an alley just last week?"

Rob guffawed loudly.

_Dork_.

"He's just that kind of guy, mate, I mean, I told him I just wanted to be friends, but he wouldn't take 'no' for an answer."

The twitch in Alice's eye increased. Her eyes began to focus on the screen and I saw her breathing quicken.

_Come on, Pattsy, almost there. _

I heard Edward groan beside me but I was too focused on Alice to care.

"So, Rob, do you have anything to say to Edward if he's out there watching tonight."

Rob giggled and looked into the camera. "Um...sure. Hey, Edward, I had a great time the other night. I'm a little hurt that you haven't returned any of my calls...um...I hope you got my flowers...ah...I found a great little alley just behind the studio here, and if you're not busy later, maybe I could show it to you."

Jimmy and Rob lost it then, giggling like a couple of girls. I turned to Alice just in time to see her rise to her feet and explode, "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU, PATTINSON! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, AND THEN I'M GOING TO BURN YOU, AND THEN I'M GOING TO DANCE AROUND ON YOUR ASHES SINGING 'DING, DONG, THE ASSHOLE'S DEAD', YOU MOTHERFUCKING, COCKSUCKING FUCKTARD!"

Edward's head snapped around and we both enveloped Alice in a giant hug. She panted roughly and I could hear her teeth grinding loudly against each other. Edward grabbed her face with both of his hands and kissed her on the cheek.

"Oh, sis," he breathed in relief, "It's good to have you back."

...

...

After her explosion, Alice spent the next half hour sending Rob threatening text messages. When her phone rang a few minutes later, she snarled and answered it on speaker-phone.

"Pattinson," she seethed through clenched teeth, "if the first words out of your mouth aren't 'Please forgive me, Alice, I'm buying you a hideously expensive apology present'" I swear to God, I am going to give every fucking screamer in this city your home address!"

Rob chuckled. "Oh my dear, sweet, psychopathic shorty, please forgive me. Your hideously expensive apology present is on hold for you...at Prada."

Alice blinked a couple of times before giving in to her excitement. She squealed. Rob gasped in horror.

"Shorty, did you just fucking squeal? That is so hot! Do it again!" Alice glared at the phone. "And don't bother glaring at me, little one," he laughed, "your laser-gaze doesn't work over the phone – thank Christ – or I'd be a dead man."

She frumped, but I could see a small smile at the edge of her mouth.

"Okay, Pattinson," she conceded, "I'll call Bubba and tell him that he doesn't have to kill you horribly and dump you in the river, but for fuck's sake, could you PLEASE engage your brain before you speak in interviews? We agreed to not talk about the photos, not reinforce the rumor that you two are gobbling each other's man-parts every chance you get. You are completely fucking incapable of deflecting questions, aren't you?"

Rob chuckled again. "Yeah, yeah...I've already heard all of this from my own manager, but okay, shorty, I'll try. I just can't promise anything, alright? I'm not ashamed of what Edward and I do to each other in private – although Edward, the fucking hamster was just wrong, mate..." Edward shook his head and smirked. "...but I will promise to TRY, okay? Now if there's nothing else, I have quite a bit of gay porn to get through before I go to bed, so, good night."

Alice let her smile out to play. "You are such a dick, Pattinson. Goodnight. Let us know when you're back in town." With that she snapped the phone closed and sighed, "Okay, bitches, I'm going to bed."

She looked at Edward and a look of distress passed across her face. "We'll talk about the ridiculous terms of what I'm now calling, 'The Stupidest Bet in the World' tomorrow." She walked over and hugged us both, before looking us over and grimacing. "I still can't believe you two adolescents beat me in a bet. Soooo fucking wrong."

She shook her head in wonder and walked toward her room.

"Love you, my foul-mouthed little pixie!" I called after her. She flipped me the bird and I giggled as her door shut quietly.

I looked at Edward. He waggled his eyebrows at me, suggestively.

_Oh, God help me._

"Your sister is right," I laughed, "you ARE an adolescent."

His eyes darkened and he growled as he lifted me up by my ass and wrapped my legs around his waist. I gasped as I felt that he was already rock hard.

"Why do you think I can service you so often?" he breathed as he claimed my mouth and strode into the bedroom.

_Hell, yes._ _Long live the adolescent!_

...

...

The next morning I woke with a start. Dark whispers crawled across my brain as I registered where I was, and who I was with.

_Oh, thank God._ _He's still here._ _It was just a dream._

My pulse steadied slightly.

I looked down. I was naked with my back to Edward's chest. His arms were wrapped around me and his beautiful hands were cupping my breasts.

I looked over my shoulder to see his face. He was awake, and smirking in such a way that banished any remnants of my nightmare.

My pulse sped up again.

I drank in his perfect features.

_God, I so don't deserve him._ _Is that why the nightmare is coming more often?_ _ Is the universe trying to let me down easy? - "Hey, Bella, look, we've made a mistake._ _We were supposed to set Edward up with someone WAY more worthy than you._ _We had it all organized, but then some idiot down in processing fucked up and we gave him to you instead._ _Now, we realize this was our mistake, not yours, but I'm afraid we're going to have to re-possess the man-God and hand him over to someone else."_

I sighed.

_Wouldn't surprise me._

"Good morning," he breathed in his sexy sleepy-voice.

_Oh, yep – I definitely don't deserve him._

I started breathing faster as his hands slowly moved over my now-erect nipples.

"Edward?" I said innocently. "Call me crazy, but I'm getting the vague impression that you're trying to seduce me."

He chuckled and bent his head to my neck, nibbling and sucking me gently.

"Oh, Swan," he sighed, and goosebumps flared all over me as his warm breath grazed my throat. "Don't flatter yourself." My breathing sped up as he ground his erection into my ass. "I'm simply assessing the...health of your breasts..."

He continued to squeeze as he suckled me.

_Oh, Sweet Jesus, yes!_ _A girl needs healthy breasts!_

"Oh...okay then," I whimpered, barely able to speak anymore. "Booby health is an important issue."

I moaned as his hips circled and continued to press his hard length against me. I swallowed and desperately tried to keep my voice under control.

"Do you have...um...a specific job description for...ah...this particular task?" I panted.

"Well," he spoke between stroking my inflamed nipples and driving me crazy with his mouth, "my business card reads 'Edward Cullen – Quality Breast Inspection services for tits, tatas, funbags, and pendulous mams.'" He hummed against my throat and my girl parts throbbed in response. "Satisfaction guaranteed."

I moaned loudly. "Oh God, you can say that again."

He chuckled against my neck and the vibration went straight to my vagina.

"Satisfaction guaranteed," he repeated in his most potent fucking-hot-sex-voice.

_Jesus._

I needed him inside me, and I pushed my pelvis back to allow him access. I felt his hot breath on my neck as one of his hands left my breasts and dropped down between my thighs. I trembled when he groaned. His fingers had found me, wet and ready for him.

"Oh fuck, Bella."

I pushed my ass further back, and I felt the tip of his erection brushing my wetness. I arched in anticipation.

_Please, Edward...now...I need you._

"Tell me," he whispered. "Tell me you want me."

I closed my eyes and his voice pulsed through me.

"Oh, God, Edward...I want you...I want you so much."

I heard plastic rip and I felt him pull away slightly as he put on a condom.

The bed moved again and I felt him back at my entrance, tantalizing me with his tip.

"Fuck, Bella...I need to be inside you." _Yes...please._ "I always need to be inside you."

We both groaned loudly as he pushed his length into me, filling me, completing me.

_Oh, yes. _

My arm reached up and wound around his neck as he started to move.

"Bella...God...you feel so incredible. How can you always feel this good?"

He slid in an out of me slowly, and I could feel every inch of him as my body ignited in response.

I took his hand that was still working my nipple and brought it to my mouth, moaning as I started taking his fingers into my mouth, one at a time, licking and sucking his magnificent hand. I felt him increase his pace and I moaned louder, feeling the familiar electrical pulses start to build within me.

"Oh, God, Edward, yes!" I gasped.

_I will never get sick of making love to this man._ _I don't care what the hell I've done in my past._ _I will fight for him...for this...for us._ _If anyone tries to come between us, I will rip their head off rather than give him up._

He bit down on my neck and grunted as he began to thrust harder.

_Holy Jesus!_

The exquisite pain of his teeth mixed with the pleasure of his cock, dragged me quickly to the edge, and I suddenly needed to see him, connect with him.

"Edward," I breathed, "I need you on top of me...please."

In one smooth movement he lifted my leg and ducked underneath it, slamming me onto my back with out missing a single thrust. He planted his elbows on either side of my head and tangled his fingers in my hair, his perfect face above me, straining and grimacing with pleasure. I gazed into his eyes and felt the love there. I stroked his face as we both stared into each other, building together and moaning each other's names.

"Edward...oh...God, I love you...I love you...I love you..."

He grazed my lips with his, and the coil that had been tightening inside me ripped free explosively. I screamed his name as my orgasm finally released, jolting me with the power of the spasms that rocked my body.

Edward thrust harder as he felt me clench around him, and he struggled to keep his eyes open as his own climax burst through him.

"Oh God, yes Bella, oh...I love you so much...fuck...yes!"

We both panted and gazed at each other as the last of the pulses ebbed from our bodies. He smoothed the hair away from my face and kissed me, and I felt a single tear escape my eye and roll down my cheek. I was so consumed with the love I felt for this man, it hurt. He made me a better person. He made me...someone...when for so long I had accepted that I would never be someone again. I kissed him back, fiercely, trying to communicate everything I could never put into words.

He pulled back and looked into my eyes.

"Bella?"

I could read in his face that he was feeling the same as I was, and what he was trying to express was almost impossible to say.

"I know," I whispered. "Me too."

...

...

Half an hour later we had both showered and dressed, and we walked hand in hand into the living room.

Alice was sitting at the table, drinking coffee and reading the latest stack of trash mags and newspapers.

"Morning, Motherfuckers," she chimed brightly as she paged through an article detailing how Edward and Rob had, in fact, been lovers for over a year after Rob attended one of Edward's LA concerts. The magazine had superimposed a photo of Edward onstage, with one of Rob, seemingly standing at the side of the stage, obviously full of man-love.

"Jesus," she breathed in disbelief, "where do they come up with this shit?" She looked quickly at Edward. "By the way, GLAAD rang. They'd like you to become a spokesman."

Edward shook his head and mouthed the words, "fuck off". Alice giggled. I kissed her quickly on the cheek and gaped at the mountain of food she had ordered for breakfast.

"Jeez, Alice, are the LA Lakers joining us this morning?"

She put down the magazine and passed me a huge plate of pastries.

"Can't a girl just provide morning goodness for her neurotic, paranoid rock-star brother and his ex-street-person girlfriend?"

Edward and I looked at each other.

"What's up, Alice?" we asked in unison.

She slumped and poked out her bottom lip. "Guys, please don't make me go and see Dr. Jasper today...please! It would kill me dead. Honestly. I'll do anything else you ask, anything! I'll...do your laundry for a month..."

Edward scoffed. "Alice, the hotel staff does our laundry."

"Well, I'll..let you out of going to see The Screamers for a week."

"Pointless," Edward said. "The Screamers don't bother me that much as long as Bella is with me."

Alice groaned. "Oh, come ON! Okay...I'll...I'll get you out of that AIDS Charity Gala where I've agreed that, if someone offered the right amount of money, you and Rob would make out."

"WHAT?" Edward roared.

Alice looked sheepish. "Okay, I haven't actually organized that yet, but I fucking will if you make me go and see Jasper!"

She was breathing heavily and her eyes looked wild and panicked.

Edward came around the table and knelt in front of her. He rubbed her hands with his, and she calmed slightly.

"Alice, I've spoken to Jasper this morning and he is REALLY looking forward to seeing you this afternoon."

Her head snapped up. "What? What do you mean? I mean...what? How do you know?"

Edward chuckled. "Um...because the words, 'I'm really looking forward to seeing Alice this afternoon,' came out of his mouth, and well...I just read between the lines."

Her mouth opened and closed like a goldfish. "Why? I mean...why would he be looking forward to seeing me? He doesn't even know me. The man's only ever seen me when I've come to pick you up from your sessions, and even then he's just waved. I mean honestly, three goddamn years of waving is pretty fucked up, right? He never actually talked to me, not even a 'Hey, how's it going?, and of course, I didn't talk to him, because, well...that would be impossible...but now he says he's 'looking forward to seeing me'? What the fuck? I mean, really...isn't that weird?"

I boggled at her ability to speak without actually breathing. Her phone beeped and she checked the screen.

"Shit," she sighed heavily. "The car's here to take me to the marketing meeting."

Edward hugged her and pushed her toward the elevator.

"You'll be fine, Alice," he reassured her as he handed her purse to her. "He's expecting you at two."

"But..."

"No 'buts', Alice...just go. I am King of the Bets for once, and you MUST do my bidding."

She huffed and entered the elevator, before pretending to dial her phone and saying theatrically, "Oh hi! Entertainment Tonight? How would you like the exclusive scoop on Edward Cullen's secret life as a Liberace impersonator and gay escort?"

Edward folded his arms over his chest.

"Two o'clock, Alice!" he called as the doors closed.

I looked at him and took his hand. "So, do you think she'll go?"

He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it tenderly.

"I hope so. I mean, she's been in love with the man for three years. She's going to have to do something about it at some point."

He looked down at me and his eyes were dark. My skin began to tingle.

"I'd like to think that my little sister could find someone who meant as much to her as you do to me."

I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. He pulled me close and we stood there for a few minutes, just holding each other. He buried his face in my neck and I did the same to him.

This was where we belonged. We both knew it, without a doubt. Against all odds, we had found each other - our other half.

We breathed each other in and I desperately tried to lock all the emotions I was feeling inside my memory, because I wanted to always remember this perfect moment.

He brought his mouth down to mine and started to kiss me, tenderly, lovingly. Our tongues joined in, and I groaned into him as my body responded the way it always did – with all-consuming need. We broke apart, and my stomach growled – loudly.

Edward looked down at my annoyingly loud belly.

"Hmmm...maybe we should eat something before your stomach starts throwing a tantrum."

On cue, it grumbled again. "Good idea."

As we walked back to the table, the hungry rumbling got louder.

_Shit, I can't remember the last time I ate. Did I have dinner last night?_

_Well, I feasted on Edward's cock for a while, but I don't think that counts._

I sat down and started devouring the delicious food. Edward chuckled softly on the other side of the table.

"What?" I mumbled, my mouth stuffed with food.

"I just never get tired of watching you eat, that's all."

I raised my eyebrows at him and swallowed. "What do you enjoy watching me eat the most," I asked cheekily.

He stopped breathing.

"I think you know the answer to that, Isabella," he exhaled.

_Damn. He's never called me Isabella before. It's damn hot._

I exhaled raggedly and tried to change the subject. I seriously needed sustenance, and if he kept looking at me like that, and calling me Isabella, this food was going to end up on the floor so we could do it right here on the table.

"What's your favorite food?" I asked, breathlessly.

_You call THAT changing the subject?_

_Well, maybe I just want to hear him say it!_

He leaned forward on his elbows and looked at me with dark eyes. "Hmmm...I like freshly squeezed Bella, actually." He licked his lips, and - surprise, surprise – I needed new panties.

I swallowed.

"Oh...God," I rasped. "So sexy, Cullen. PLEASE stop turning me on - I'm trying to eat here."

He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. "Make it quick."

I dragged my mind out of the gutter and tried to focus. I squirmed in my chair. Edward noticed and looked at me smugly. I frowned at him.

"Don't look at me like that," I urged. "My uterus is going to fall out if you sex me up anymore this morning. So put away the panty-dropping stare and tell Godzy that Gineyland is closed for business."

A lopsided grin cracked on his face.

"Gineyland?" he smirked.

I blushed.

_Fuck_.

_Busted_.

_Why on earth would you say that?_ _It's supposed to be a secret!_

Edward was looking at me intensely.

_Oh shit, look at him._ _He's not going to let this go._

I closed my mouth and decided I'd try to ignore him.

"Bella?"

_Nope_. _Can't hear you._ _Looking out the window._ _Just eating my toast._

"Bella?"

His voice was becoming more insistent...and sexy. I swallowed my toast and tried to reach for my juice without looking at him. I almost knocked it over and grasped it just before it crashed to the floor.

"Isabella Swan," he growled and my vagina clenched violently.

_Oh...shit._ _That voice is going to be the death of me._

I turned slowly to see his eyes blazing into mine.

"You will explain exactly what Gineyland is, or else I will throw you down on this table and fuck the information right out of you."

I stopped breathing.

_Jesus_. _That's what I call an ultimatum._

As much as his threat turned me on, I really needed to be able to walk for the rest of the day, so I went with option one.

_A person couldn't actually die from embarrassment, right?_

_I guess we're about to find out. _

I took a deep breath. "Gineyland USA is just something that popped into my brain last night when it occurred to me that we were treating each other's bodies like amusement parks."

He smiled. "Gineyland USA is an amusement park?"

I smiled back, nervously. "Well, more of a pleasure park really."

He fell quiet for a second, obviously deep in thought.

_Okay, at least he's not pointing and laughing – it could be worse._

I watched him carefully as he leaned forward onto the table and steepled his fingers. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"So, what sort of...attractions can be found at Gineyland?"

I bit my lip.

_Shit, he's really going to make me tell him everything, isn't he? This is so very embarrassing._

The fact that I'd even thought of this concept was bad enough, but the fact that I'd also planned the whole thing out, including a marketing campaign, was even worse. Did I really have nothing better to do with my time than make love to Edward and think up pornographic theme parks?

_Obviously not._

_Okay then._

"Um...well...I thought there could be some places for people to go...to...you know...hook up."

He tilted his head at me. "Like?"

I closed my eyes.

_Okay Bella, this is the moment of truth._ _Show him the extent of your disturbed mind and see how he reacts._

I opened my eyes and blurted, "The G-Spot Nightclub – hard to find but fun when you get there."

A smirk flickered across his face, but he quickly suppressed it. He nodded sagely and urged me to continue.

"Uh huh...what else?"

"The Labia Lounge – cervix with a smile."

The smirk happened again, stronger this time. He sucked his cheeks in and pushed the smile away.

"Go on," he ordered, his voice becoming strange and bubbly.

"Um...Cunnilingus Cafe – snorkels available upon request."

This time he threw his head back and laughter exploded out of him. He doubled over and slapped his hand on the table loudly.

"Fuck me, Swan," he gasped, "you are absolutely priceless. More! I need more!"

"The Pop Spot – free range, organic orgasms."

He laughed harder, little snorts started coming out of him.

_Good God, my boyfriend is a snorter._ _Hilarious!_

Tears were running down his face. He wiped them away with his hand and sighed loudly, trying desperately to control himself.

"Oh, shit," he panted. "An orgasm store? Fucking awesome."

"Yes, but you have to be careful with retail orgasms – they're not all the same of course."

He giggled again and looked at me. "Oh really? Please enlighten me."

"Well, as with anything, you really get what you pay for. Now, if you're on a budget, you've got your regular, single-shot orgasms – fine for the beginners but a bit hit and miss, and hardly earth shattering."

"Uh huh."

His voice was slowly returning to normal, and his face started to become more serious.

"So what if I'm looking for something more...exciting."

He raised his eyebrow.

_Fuck_. _Why is it that eyebrow always turns my girl parts into mush?_

My breathing sped up. I tried to concentrate.

"Then you've got the good old six-pack of 'fuck and suck' orgasms – fairly potent and fun for all involved."

His eyes darkened and I suddenly found talking, and breathing, extremely goddamn difficult.

"Tell me more," he ordered, his voice low and deep.

I took a deep breath as his eyes bore into me.

"Well, my personal favorite is 'The Orgasmasplosion'. The only way to describe it is - 'I've just been fucked senseless by my soul-mate, rock-star, sex-God boyfriend who has a giant cock and a never-ending supply of hard-ons.'"

The last syllable was barely out of my mouth before Edward leapt out of his chair with super-human speed, a loud growl ripping through his chest. He violently swept everything from the table onto the floor, pastries and toast flying as glasses and plates smashed around us. I gasped as he descended on me, grabbing me roughly and hoisting me onto the table as if I weighed nothing. He ripped my clothing off my body, and in a few seconds I was completely naked and surrounded by ruined pieces of fabric. He then started on his own clothes and my already aroused body exploded with desire at I watched him rip them off his body with fierce intensity.

_Holy Mother of Incredible Sex._

I have NEVER seen anything as ridiculously sexy as my man, looking at me like he wanted to devour every inch of me, wrenching his clothes off his body like his life depended on it. I trembled and ached as his fully erect cock came into view and he crawled on top of me.

"I fucking love Gineyland," he growled, "and I am going to pay extra to have it open just for me for the rest of the morning."

I grabbed his hair and pulled him down to my face. He attacked me hungrily and I thrilled at the animal in him.

"Oh, and Bella?" he said in a voice that was the definition of sex, "I'm gonna buy you every single fucking Orgasmasplosion in the store."

I threw my head back as he attacked me.

"Oh God, YES!"

...

...

**APOV**

_Fuck. He's looking at me. He's looking at me and expecting me to say something. _

_Stupid, gorgeous, Dr. McHottie. Look at his stupid, beautiful eyes, looking at me like he's really interested in what I have to say. Look at his crazy-beautiful hair, begging for me to grab it and pull his stupid rockin' body on top of me. Look at his stupid, hot-ass hands just sitting there...holding a notebook and pen...waiting patiently and being all...hot. _

_Shit._

"Alice?" he said in his stupid sexy, ooh-look-at-me-I'm-your-wet-dream-come-to-life-but-still-smart-enough-to-be-a-fucking-Phd-holding-shit-hot-therapist voice.

_Bastard._

"Alice," he said again and I had to stop myself from slapping him for saying my name like that and turning my girl parts into a quivering mess.

"I can't force you to talk to me,"_ No, you sure can't Dr McI'm-so-sensitive-to-your-needs-I'd-probably-make-sexing-you-up-a-fucking-full-on-spiritual-experience_, "but I'd really like you to. I'd like to find out more about you."

_Oh, oh, okay then. Would you like to know that for the past three years I've fucked myself senseless twice a night and once every morning while picturing your stupid, ridiculously beautiful face hovering above me, and your hot, sexy hands all over my body? Try sticking that fucking mental picture in your little notebook, asshole. _

I could feel myself glaring at smiled slightly.

_What the FUCK? NOBODY smiles at my glare. _

I upped my leaned forward and smiled wider.

_No...fucking...way._ _That glare can melt paint, and here Dr. McDickhead is, leaning forward into it?_

_Right._

_The gloves are coming off, Dr. Smarty McClever-Pants._

I leaned forward too, narrowing my gaze and burning it into him with everything I had. His eyes widened.

_Yeah, that's right, bitch._ _Feel the burn._

"Alice," he said in an excruciatingly patient voice, "are you trying to melt my face off with your laser-gaze?"

He smiled again and all the breath left my body.

My gaze evaporated. I panted lightly and grimaced.

"How?" I asked incredulously, anger and embarrassment burning my face. "How are you not running screaming from the fucking room? That was my most ball-shriveling stare."

I watched in horror as he rose slowly out of his chair and walked towards me. He dropped his pen and paper on the coffee table and planted his hands on either side of the leather armchair I was sitting in. His face lowered to just above mine and the electricity that surged through my body almost made me pass out.

I stopped breathing.

"Alice," he breathed, and I could taste his fucking sweet breath whispering over my face.

_Arrrgh!_ _Jesus Fucking Christ!_

_What the fuck is that smell?_ _It's like sex and cuddling and sunshine and home. _

My mind raced in crazy circles as I tried to control myself because Dr. McSexy-Breath was about to make me crawl out of my skin.

"I'm not afraid of you," he said as his eyes roamed over my face.

My eyes fluttered involuntarily, and I felt like a schoolgirl with a crush on her stupid, sexy, hot-assed professor.

"When you're in this room, you are not Alice Cullen – ball-breaking manager and publicist. You are Alice Cullen – patient - and I am your doctor. So stop trying to intimidate me, because I can tell you right now, you're wasting my very valuable time."

His ice-blue eyes locked on mine, and then and there, time stopped. I think I whimpered slightly, but I really have no idea what the fuck happened in that moment.

He held my gaze and raised an eyebrow.

"Do you understand me, Alice?" he asked quietly.

I nodded mutely.

_Jesus_.

_I NEVER nod mutely. I didn't even know I could. _

_Who is this man and what the fuck had he done with my balls?_

He pulled back slightly and stood up.

_Oh...dear...God_.

His crotch was in front of my face.

Right there.

In...front...of...my...face.

_Gah_!

I stared at it.

_Fuck_.

The object of so many hours of hot, sexual fantasies was just inches from my now salivating mouth.

I swallowed loudly.

"Alice?" his voice interrupted my pornographic thoughts. I looked up at his face.

_Fuck_. _Still too damn sexy for words._

"Are you ready to start telling me a bit about what's going on in your head?"

My mouth opened.

"I...um...I don't really think you want to know what's going on in my head at the moment," I wheezed.

He sat back down in his chair and picked up his notebook and pen.

"Alice, I can safely say I have never been as...intrigued with a patient as much as I am with you. Now, I'm here to listen, and you're here to talk, so how about we stop playing games and you open up to me?"

His voice melted my muscles and I slumped back into my chair, unable to fight the fire inside me anymore.

I took a deep breath.

_Alright, Dr. McCurious-Son-of-a-Bitch – you want me to share?_ _Get ready to reap the fucking whirlwind, asshole._

"Well, okay then...let me tell you about the first day I saw you," I began. "I was waiting to pick up Edward. You walked him out and waved when you saw me. I thought you were the most magnificent man I'd ever seen, and every molecule of my body ached to be with you. After I dropped Edward off, I went to the nearest sex-shop and bought myself a top-of-the-line pussy-pumper that I promptly named Jasper, and you've been fucking me thoroughly, three times a day, ever since."

I kept going. I told him every dirty little thought I'd had about him, every perverted little fantasy substitute-Jasper had perpetrated. I told him how, until I met him, I'd never been able to bring myself to orgasm, and that now, I needed to satisfy myself multiple times a day just to ease the burning ache I had for him. I told him how my life revolved around the little bit of heaven I experienced every time I imagined him between my thighs, and how I sometimes took out my intense frustration on my brother and co-workers because, just for a moment, it felt fucking good to see someone in as much pain as I was. I told him that I hadn't even looked at another man in the past three years because there was no fucking point trying to compete with perfection, and besides, I didn't want to. He was my ideal, my fantasy, and he had fucking ruined me for any other man, ever.

I spoke quickly, and passionately, unable to close the flood-gates once they had opened, and I could see his face turning crimson as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, but I didn't fucking care, because it felt so good to finally get this shit out of my system, and although I'd probably curl up and die of mortification as soon as the craziness currently spilling out of my mouth eventually dried up, at this moment I was fucking grateful that I lost that stupid bet and my dill-hole of a brother forced me to come here, because, by God, I didn't realize how much this unresolved sexual tension was eating me alive, and I just couldn't fucking cope with it anymore. I knew that any second Dr. McHorrified was probably going to throw me out of his office and call the fucking cops, but hey, at least I'll have purged this fucking obsession of mine that just seemed to grow and grow inside me, like a goddamn cancer, until that's all that's left. I was so tired of not being able to ME anymore, because I didn't want to be the ball-breaking shrew I'd become, but I didn't feel I could control it because I didn't have anyone to share my crazy with, except my precious Jasper substitute, but that motherfucker was frustratingly silent, except for the soft buzz he made as he pumped in and out of my aching...

"Alice, stop."

I inhaled and held my breath. The room was totally silent, except for the thundering of my heart.

_Oh...shit._

_Oh-shit-oh-shit-oh-shit-oh-shit-oh-shit!_

_What have I done?_

I looked at Jasper. He looked away and dropped his head into his hands. He sighed deeply and all I wanted to do in that moment was go to him, and wrap my arms around him, and tell him, more than anything...that I was sorry.

He looked up at me and my breath hitched in my chest.

_What's that look on his face?_

_Is he angry with me?_

_Oh, right._ _Stupid question._ _Of course he's fucking angry with me._ _He took me on as a patient because my brother asked him to, he made time in his very busy schedule at short notice, and how have I repaid him?_ _By trying to melt his face off, and bombarding him with my verbal diarrhea and fucked-up fantasies._

_Christ, I am such an enormous idiot._

I looked down, not able to face him anymore.

_Yep...here it comes - the debilitating mortification that I KNEW would come started gripping my heart with both hands, mercilessly._

I put a hand on my chest and rubbed, trying to ease the tightness before I passed out.

"I'm sorry," I whispered with my last gasp of remaining breath.

"Alice..." he began and I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

I wanted him to yell at me, to tell me what a fucking waste of time I was, how embarrassed he was by my ridiculous tirade. Maybe he'd do it in an understanding, sympathetic doctor way – you know, using lots of big, soothing medical words to gain my trust, and I wouldn't realize he's actually telling me I'm the most fucked-up individual he's ever met until the burly men in white coats come to take me away.

_Crap._

That's the least I deserved.

He didn't do it. He inhaled and continued in a relatively calm voice.

"I'm sorry too...but I'm afraid I can't continue to see you as a patient."

_Oh...God._

_Really wasn't expected that._

Just when I thought I couldn't be in any more pain, the steel grip around my heart tightened impossibly further, and my brain began to pound with embarrassment.

I unfolded myself from the chair and stood up quickly, desperate to escape this...and him...and me.

"Right...of course," I stammered as I gathered my purse.

"Alice.."

"I shouldn't have said all those things...it was so wrong."

My fumbling hands dropped my purse and the contents exploded all over the floor.

_Fuck! Perfect._

I scrambled after them and tried not to cry.

"Alice..."

"I told Edward that this was a bad idea. I knew I would embarrass myself beyond all belief. See THIS is why I don't speak to you – out loud."

I was vaguely aware that he was helping me gather my stuff, but I was too horrified to care.

"Alice...wait."

I shoved the last few things into my purse and sprinted toward the door.

"Thank you for your time, Doctor," I mumbled as I wrenched the door open. "I won't trouble you again."

Suddenly, his hand slapped onto the dark wood and the door slammed loudly. I felt him grab my shoulders and spin me around, and I looked up to see Jasper, his face burning with._.._

_What the fuck is THAT expression, Dr. McHard-to-Read?_

"Would you just WAIT a minute, for Christ's sake!" he said roughly.

_Fuck me._ _Talk to me like that and I'll wait forever._

He put his hands on either side of me, caging me between his body and the door. He looked down and took a deep breath.

"Alice," he said, obviously struggling to stay in control, "the reason I can no longer see you as a patient, is because there are certain codes of conduct that dictate the constraints of a patient/doctor relationship."

He looked down at me and I could feel myself start to pant.

"Now, today, obviously, your behavior was so far over the line, that the line was a dot to you...but that is not why I can no longer be your doctor."

He lowered his head into my neck and sniffed me. Motherfucking SNIFFED ME!

_Sweet baby Jesus!_

His eyes came back to mine and I suddenly knew what the look on his face was, and I started to quiver with the knowledge.

"The reason I can't be your doctor," he breathed as his lips hovered above mine, "is because I would never...ever...be allowed to do this."

He took my mouth then, and I swear to Jesus and all the saints, I saw fucking stars. Points of light exploded behind my eyeballs as I kissed him back with all the passion and lust of the past three years.

He pushed my back against the door and I could feel his huge erection pressing into me. I gasped and fought to stay upright as my legs buckled underneath me.

_Holy shit!_ _Dr Sexy McHottie has a raging hard-on...for me!_ _Unbelievable!_

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him as I tried to find my feet, and I nearly lost my mind when he groaned into my mouth.

He broke away breathlessly and panted as he spoke.

"Alice, do you have any idea how much I've wanted you for the past three years? How, every time I saw you I had to resist the urge to grab you and take you on the spot? How much I wanted you to be mine? Jesus! You think I've ruined you for other men? I've been living like a damn monk since the day I met you. Women have thrown themselves at me and I couldn't bring myself to give a crap because all I wanted was you. But you never talked to me, never showed any inkling that you wanted more, and I convinced myself that you weren't interested. But I kept hoping and dreaming about you...and then..."

He ran his hands through his hair and sighed.

"_Then_ you come in here today and unloaded everything you've been going through, and it was so similar to my hell that it made my head spin. And then I got so damn mad with myself because if I hadn't been such an idiot and had actually called you, we both could have been spared years of torment and been together, like this..."

He kissed me hungrily again and I wrapped myself around him and gripped him fiercely. He pulled back and grabbed my face with his stupid hot-ass hands.

"So that, Miss Cullen," he gasped as his beautiful hands stroked my cheeks, "is why I can no longer be your doctor. I hope you understand."

The room got infinitely smaller in that second and all I could see was him. All I could smell was him...and all I ever wanted..was him.

I nodded my head slowly.

"I _think_ I understand, Doctor," I whispered, "but if you really wanted to, you could explain it to me all over again."

His eyes darkened and a feral growl like I've never heard before ripped out of him as he pushed me back against the door. "I'm going to explain it to you till you can't stand up, Miss Cullen," he breathed.

_Fuck, yes!_

_..._

_..._

_..._

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**A Message from The Madman**

**Hmmm...so nice to see you all again. Kiya has only let me out of my cage for a few minutes so I'll make this quick. **

**Your reviews make me hot. So goddamn hot I can't stand it. So many of you punched that throbbing review button last chapter I thought I was going to explode – not that I would have minded ***_**chuckle**_*** So...what do you say? Do you want to make me explode ladies? I dare you to... **_***The Madman chuckles sexily and starts to remove his shirt.***_** Take a moment to think about it...I'll just start without you...**


	15. Crotchsplosions & Consequences

**Chapter Notes**

**Well, I had no idea there were so many Jalice fans out there until you all came out of the woodwork after the last chapter. Thank you all so much for the reviews. I don't always get to reply to all of them, but rest assured, if you have put a decent amount of time and effort to give me a kick-ass review, then I will do my absolute best to reply. Oh, and the best way to get me hot? Quote to me your fave line/s from the chappie. Dear sweet chubby baby Jesus...totally makes all my bits tingle.**

**Super big props go out to Carolyn81 and MaleficentKnits for your exceptional Dr McHottsper tags. I loved them, I stole them, and now, I'm claiming them as my own. Mwahaha! (Jesus, the Madman is actually rubbing off on me. I haaaaate him!) BTW Mal, you're completely out of control, sweetie. For the love of God, call both CCUC and CRAPP before reading this chapter - you have been warned.)**

**For a good time and up-coming chapter teasers, visit the forum at Twilighted. Just search for The Screamers and you're there.**

**To the Queen of all Betas and my personal guru, friend and future life-partner, Catty-Wan – I bow to your continued and dedicated brilliance.**

**To those of you who have voted/nominated this story for anything at all – I love you beyond words. Thank you.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Edward, Bella, and Alice. I own Asstard, Piss-Girl, and the foul-mouthed evil pixie.**

**Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 15 – Crotchsplosions & Consequences**

**APOV**

"Oh, God, Jasper...." He had pulled my leg up to his hip and was trailing his hand up and down my thigh. My skirt was a crumpled mess at my hips, and my blood was exploding through my body as his fingers left trails of exquisite electricity all over my skin. I gripped his hair to keep myself from collapsing on the floor as his hot, beautiful mouth suckled my neck.

_Jesus H Christ!_

I could barely breathe, let alone wrap my lust-crazed brain around the fact that I was currently being thoroughly plundered by _Dr. Mc Slam-me-up-against-his-office-door-and-make-out-with-me-till-my-uterus-explodes-and-the-EMT's-have-to-come-and-revive-me._

_"Alice," he panted, and all of my girl parts melted at the sound of his fuck-hot voice, "you have no idea how many times I've imagined you like this..." He ran his hands up my arms, leaving goosebumps in the wake of his glorious fingers. His hands cupped my face, and we both groaned slightly as our gazes locked. "To be able to touch you, and have you touch me..." I ran my hands over his chest and abdomen, and whimpered with desire as I felt the taught muscles beneath his shirt._

_Holy crap._ _Dr. Mc I'm-so-fucking-clever-and-sensitive-I-have-actually-evolved-into-a-higher-lifeform is also packing a goddamn eight pack? How the fuck is that fair? And how soon can I see it? _

His eyes fluttered as I touched him and my brain exploded with the knowledge that I was doing that to him. Me. Alice I've-slept-with-exactly-six-men-in-my-entire-life Cullen, could make this walking advertisement for hot masculinity tremble beneath my dainty fingers. I fucking rocked!!

I could hear myself panting and groaning, but I couldn't help myself. This man affected me like nothing else on earth. It was like I had been walking around for my whole life, seeing the world in black and white, and suddenly, with one touch of his crazy-hot fingers, my whole life suddenly exploded into high-definition color with surround-sound. It was beyond arousing.

He looked into my eyes and the rest of the world slipped away. I struggled to function.

"Alice," he said in the sexiest fucking voice to ever come out of a man.

"Yes," I breathed pathetically as I waited to hear what Dr Mc Just-one-look-into-those-eyes-and-fuck-yeah-I-would-do-anything-this-man-wants-me-to-and-I-do-mean-anything, wanted from me.

"We have to stop."

I blinked.

_Except that._

Surely my pounding blood had caused me to mishear.

"Um...sorry, what was that?"

He sighed heavily, and stepped away from me, looking at his watch.

"Alice, we have to stop this...now."

_Noooooo_!

My body exploded with anger, and I pushed away from the door and advanced on him.

"What the FUCK, Jasper!?" I yelled.

"Alice, please...keep your voice down." He looked nervously at the door.

Fuck it - I didn't give a shit who could hear me. I was angry, and horny and desperate for there to be a shitload less clothing currently on my aching bod, and stupid Dr. Mc I-can-make-your-panties-fall-right-off-your-body-with-a-single-look comes out with some bullshit about stopping the exquisite brain-fail that he had been mercilessly inflicting upon me for the past half hour? No fucking way!!

"You can't just work me up into a goddamn sexual frenzy after I tell you you're my fantasy man, and you tell me I'm your fantasy girl, and you make all my girl parts kersplode, and you make me aware of the enormous, hard cock in your pants, and I finally think that, for once, my poor deluded vagina is going to get the real Dr. McJasper and not a latex covered substitute, and then you turn around and look at me with those ice-blue pools of sex, and say that we fucking have to stop the shit-hot plundering of each other's overheated and painfully aroused bodies!!?" I panted and shoved him in his rock-hard chest roughly. "Are you TRYING to kill me?!"

His eyes darkened and he looked at me with his most potent Dr. Mc Oh-my-God-I-think-I-just-crotchsploded-for-the-umpteenth-time-just-cause-you-looked-at-me gaze.

_Fuck. He's made me forget what I was angry about. Asshole!!_

"Alice," he said quietly, as he reached out and took my hand. "Do you feel what you've done to me?" He placed my hand on his huge, rock-hard erection and pushed down, closing his eyes and groaning as I squeezed him through his trousers.

_Oh...Jesus...please, Jasper. I need you...and that...to take away this god-awful ache. I want you to be Dr. Mc Just-bend-me-over-your-couch-and-I-will-do-anything-you-want-just-as-long-as-I-can-feel-your-amazing-cock-inside-me._

He opened his eyes, and I groaned at the desire I saw in them.

"See, Alice? Do you really think I don't want this just as much, if not more, than you do?" He pulled my hand away and quickly stepped behind his desk, running his hands raggedly through his hair and exhaling loudly. "But I have another patient in fifteen minutes, and if I don't get away from you and settle the hell down, I'm going to have to explain to nice Mrs. Gruber why her sixty-eight year-old, moo-moo-clad bod has given me an erection the size of Portugal. Understand?"

The sex-pools gazed at me pleadingly.

Shit, I guess he had a point. Stupid, clever Dr. McReasonable.

I swallowed and took in a deep breath. My heart continued to pulse way too much blood to my hyper-excited girl-parts, but I desperately tried to calm my raging hormones. Unfortunately, I failed miserably.

_Christ, now that I've had his hands on me,_ _I don't think my body will ever go back to being normal again._

I tried to fake normal.

"I understand," I said quietly, "but before I go, couldn't we just...?"

"No," he cut me off.

"But Jasper..."

"No."

"Just a little tiny..."

"No, Alice. Jesus." He sat down at his desk and dropped his head into his hands. "This is my office - my place of business - and I have to see patients here, every day. How on earth do you think I'm going to able to concentrate on a single thing they have to say, if I have a mental image of you - bending over the back of my couch as I pump into you - floating around in my head?"

_Well, when he put it like that...PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BEND ME OVER YOUR COUCH AND PUMP INTO ME!!! ARGH!_

"I see your point," I said calmly. I imagined my lusty, enraged, overheated love triangle reaching out and slapping Dr. Mc Able-to-ignore-his-raging-hormones-and-be-completely-and-annoyingly-logical across his stupid, glorious face. It made me smile.

"It's bad enough that I'm going to have to replace that damn door so I don't get a raging hard-on every time I look at it."

Oh, God_...just him saying 'raging hard-on' makes me clench._ _Imagine what it will be like when I eventually feel him inside me._

I huffed slightly in frustration, and picked up my purse. "Ok, I get it. I'd better go." I walked towards the door, and I gasped when he pushed me up against it, grinding himself into my back.

_How the fuck did he get over here so fast?_ I felt his sweet breath tickle my ear. _Oh...Jesus...suddenly, I really don't care._

"Alice," he whispered, "I need you to do something for me."

I groaned as every part of me ached for him.

"Anything," I panted.

He licked my ear and I suddenly felt sure I was going to cum, then and there. _This is absolutely insane!! It's not as though he's grinding your swollen clit for God's sake, although I certainly wouldn't complain if he was. It's an EAR and a TONGUE – two seemingly innocent body parts - but in the hands of Dr Mc Fuck-hot-foreplay-is-such-an-underrated-artform, they were a ridiculously cum-worthy combination._

I moaned and leaned back into him, grinding my ass on his straining cock. He groaned into my ear and continued, his voice low and full of desire. "I want you..." he began.

"I want you too, baby," I moaned.

He chuckled. "I hadn't finished," he said, smiling into my neck. "I want you to go home, take out your Jasper substitute, and throw it in the goddamn trash." I gasped as he spun me around and pushed me hard into what was now, in my mind, the world's sexiest door. My sexy bits groaned at the closeness of his tantalizing arousal. "You will no longer be needing a Jasper substitute, Alice," he growled. "The next time you have something giving you pleasure between your legs, it's going to be the real deal." _Oh, dear, sweet, dimpled baby Jesus._ I stopped breathing as his face came closer to mine, and his intoxicating breath washed over me. "Am I making myself clear?"

I nodded, and hungrily breathed in every drop of his incredible scent. "Yes Dr Mc I'll-do-anything-you-say-just-as-long-as-you-fuck-me-until-I-can't-stand-up-in-the-VERY-near-future."

He chuckled and pulled me away from the door. He opened it and I struggled to exit on legs that were now made of jelly.

"Thank you, Miss Cullen," he said in a perfectly calm, business-like tone, "that was a very...stimulating session." He mouthed, "I'll call you."

I giggled like a teenager, and tried not to squelch as I walked away.

***

**EPOV**

Bella and I walked along an unfamiliar street. I carefully scanned ahead for screamers, but there were surprisingly few people in this part of town, and the people who were here made a point of avoiding us. I knew we were not that far from the hotel, but we were far enough away that the tenements and alleys looked neglected and unloved. Bella still refused to tell me where we were going.

We both had doctor's appointments this morning, and after having to practically give her mouth to mouth when she passed out from the blood test, she had dragged me out the door, mumbling something about me needing to meet someone.

Now, as we walked along, I stole a glance at her, striding purposefully, a slight smile playing on her delicious lips.

_Jesus._ _She is beyond stunning._ _She is everything I could ever want in a woman, mixed in with a few things I didn't know I needed, but was glad as hell they forced themselves upon me anyway._

As usual, my body ignited as soon as I let my mind linger on her for more than a few seconds.

My body's insane reaction to her did actually worry me. I had even brought it up with Dr Moran this morning. He had looked at me like I had three heads.

"Let me get this straight," he said, shaking his head, "you're complaining because you're able to make love to your girlfriend whenever you want, regardless of how many erections you've have in the preceding hours?" He rolled his eyes slightly, and I realized how stupid I must have sounded. "My God, Edward, if I had your 'problem', my wife would run naked around the block screaming to the neighbors that the magical erection fairy had finally blessed her husband."

I smirked at the mental image. "So, there's nothing wrong with me? I mean, I can't hurt myself...or her?"

He raised his eyebrows and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, physically, I don't see an issue. I mean you're certainly not in danger of death or dismemberment...but I'd be careful about some pretty nasty chafing if I were you." I had squirmed uncomfortably at his words. He certainly wasn't wrong about that.

I was jolted out of my thoughts when Bella tugged on my hand, stopping us outside a run-down apartment block.

_Where the hell are we?_

I looked at her and raised a questioning eyebrow.

_Who could she possibly know that would live here?_

She stood on her toes and kissed me, her sweet breath filling my senses.

"Thank you for coming with me," she whispered, and I inhaled her sweet scent. It was getting very difficult to concentrate on anything that wasn't her.

"Did I have a choice?" I breathed as I ran my hands down her bare, beautiful arms. She smiled and kissed me again, and my blood went berserk at her touch. She went to pull away, but I caught her in my arms, drawing her up to my body and taking her mouth in mine. As usual, we fit together perfectly. Two pieces of the same puzzle.

She groaned into my mouth and I found her tongue with my own. I groaned back as the madman and his desperate need for her ignited inside me. I briefly considered fighting him, but I would rather deny myself air than deny Bella. My love and need for her merged into one, and I spun her around quickly and pinned her against the wall of the building. She gasped and grabbed my hair instinctively.

_Oh, yes, Bella, pull it._ _Fuck, that turns me on._

She broke away, breathlessly, looking quickly over my shoulder. "Edward, stop."

I ignored her and attacked her neck, thrilling at the small whimpers that escaped her as I sucked her delicious flesh.

"Edward..."

My hands traveled up her back and tangled in her hair, revelling in the sensual strands as I took her earlobe in my mouth and ground my erection into her stomach. She gasped, and suddenly, I felt her strong hands on my chest as she pushed me away.

"Edward!"

Her eyes were blazing with lust and annoyance.

_Fuck_. _I found that combination even more arousing._

I reached for her again but her hand on my chest stopped me in my tracks.

"Edward," she whispered, urgently, "we have company."

I slowly turned around and saw the shocked faces of two elderly women who had stopped a few feet away from us. I attempted to compose my face and nodded to them, politely.

"Ladies," I said in what I hoped was my least perverted voice.

"See, I told you Renata," the shorter of the two said. "It's that singing fella from the TV."

Renata narrowed her eyes at me. I looked at Bella who was desperately trying to suppress a smile. Renata nodded in my direction.

"Is that true, sonny?" she rasped in a voice that sounded like toxic waste and tree bark. "Heidi here thinks you're the boy from the telly who plays that God-awful, teeny-bopper music?"

I considered lying and saying 'no', but I had a suspicion that Renata would have no hesitation in kicking my ass. She was scary for an octogenarian.

"Um, yes," I stammered, suddenly very aware that I was sporting massive wood in front of two ladies who were old enough to witness the invention of the wheel. "I'm Edward Cullen. Pleased to meet you."

Renata narrowed her eyes further, and my face began to burn.

_Jesus_. _Is this what my sister is going to look like in another hundred and fifty years?_

I considered taking a photo of Renata on my phone and presenting it to Alice as a cautionary tale for excessive glaring.

Instead, I grabbed Bella and moved her in front of me, partly to shield the old girls from my ferocious erection, and partly to deflect Renata's piercing gaze.

"Ah...this is my girlfriend...Bella Swan." Bella waved, and mumbled that she was pleased to meet them.

"I thought you were supposed to be gay," Renata accused, her eyes flickering to Bella.

I tried to laugh but it came out more like a strangled cough.

"Don't believe everything you read in the papers, ladies," I said. "Bella will attest to the fact that I am definitely NOT gay, right, baby?"

Bella nodded her head vigorously. "Yes, ladies. My Edward just can't get enough of me, I mean, really, I'm exhausted. He wants me morning, noon and night, and he's such a stud-muffin that I can barely keep up. As a matter of fact, he has pleasured me so much in the past few hours alone that now I have serious trouble walking."

The ladies raised their eyebrows, impressed with Bella's testimonial, but I saw an evil glint in her eye and groaned inwardly as she leaned in closer to them. "But then again," she whispered, conspiratorially, "I used to be a man, and I still haven't had the final 'sniperoo,' so I'm not sure if we can strictly class him as heterosexual."

The women's eyes grew wide and they nodded in understanding.

"Bella!" I protested, but she just looked at me and smirked.

The old girls started to walk away and I overheard Heidi whisper, "That figures. It's always the gay ones that have the huge cocks."

I cringed and Bella started to guffaw like an idiot.

"Swan," I seethed, "that was not the least bit funny."

She giggled and grabbed my now semi-erect penis. Godzilla snapped to attention instantly.

"Oh come on, it was so the least bit funny. Besides, if I hadn't told them that, honey," she oozed, "I think I may have had to fight them off, judging by the way they were both ogling Godzy." She let go of my cock and dragged me up the stairs. "And I just don't think I could have handled watching you get down and dirty with those old broads."

The mental image her words conjured slapped me across the brain, and gave me an instant soft-on.

"Jesus, Swan. I think you've finally found something that can kill Godzy dead within three seconds."

She stopped at a door on the second floor and knocked sharply.

"Hmmm..." she breathed, "I'm not sure I would EVER have a need for something like that."

She raised her eyebrows and Godzy peeked out to check if the coast was clear.

The door opened and a man wearing a singlet, bracers and a top hat peered out. Bella threw herself into his arms. "Charlie!" He hugged her back and lifted her off the ground.

_So this is Charlie._

_Hang on, isn't he supposed to be homeless?_

Bella pulled back and looked at Charlie's face. "Oh my God, Charlie! You shaved!!" She ran her hand over his jaw and came to rest on his neat, trim moustache. "Jesus, you look fifteen years younger."

Charlie chuckled. "Yeah, I figured it was time to let the old cheeks see the light of day, and I'm back on my meds too."

Bella grinned and hugged him again. "Holy shit! That's fantastic! How do you feel?"

"Well, a bit lonely now that it's only me in my head, but at least I'm remembering to eat and sleep, oh, and urinate in the toilet...so, I guess I'm doing okay."

She touched him gently on the cheek. "I'm so fucking proud of you Charlie," she said softly.

They looked at each other with affection for a few more seconds, and I could see emotion rising in Charlie's eyes. He blinked quickly before saying, "Come in, Bells. Jesus, where are my manners? Come on in." Bella grabbed my hand and pulled me into the modest living room. The furniture was old, and the walls were stained, but this was definitely a home.

"Charlie, I'd like you meet Edward, my boyfriend. Edward, this is Charlie, aka, the Mad Hatter, aka the father I never had." Charlie gallantly tipped his hat at me, and I held out my hand to shake his.

"It's a real pleasure, Charlie," I said, "Bella has told me so much about you."

Charlie shook my hand warily. "Well, son, she's told me absolutely nothing about you, so I guess you and I need to talk." He drew Bella and I towards the tattered couch and motioned for us to sit down. "Can I get you kids some tea?"

We both said yes, and Charlie shuffled off into the small kitchen, leaving us alone.

"Bella, I thought Charlie was homeless," I whispered, perplexed.

She blushed, and looked embarrassed. I took her hand in mine, willing her to speak.

"He was, but when I moved in with you guys, and started getting a paycheck, I used some of it to set Charlie up here." She looked around the modest room. "I mean, I know it doesn't look like much, but he has a roof over his head and a warm bed to sleep in." She looked down, suddenly embarrassed. "And...um...I've actually hired one of The Screamers to bring him food twice a week."

I blinked. "You hired...a screamer? One of MY screamers?"

"Yeah...Becky...she works down at the Pack-n-Pay a few blocks down. She's actually a sweet girl."

_Fuck...me._ _Bella has been socializing with a screamer, behind my back?_ I suddenly felt like three shades of weird with a side order of shudder. She must have read the look on my face.

"Edward, it's fine. It's not like I'm going to invite her over to paint my toenails. I pay her to bring stuff to Charlie, and she does a good job. End of story."

I shook my head. "No, it's fine...I just have a problem trying to get my head around that all this has happened, and I was completely oblivious. Jesus, Bella, I should have been helping you. Why didn't you tell me?"

She dropped her eyes to the ground. "I wasn't sure how you would feel about it. Christ, Edward, with everything we've been through, everything we feel for each other...we still don't really know that much about each other."

I thought about protesting, but I knew she was right. She looked into my eyes and I could tell that there were things that she wanted to say to me, but was afraid of revealing. I silently urged her to tell me everything, to let me know every part of her – every mistake, every regret – so that I could love them too and add them into the spectacular equation that made her who she was, but I could see a wall behind her eyes, and I knew that it wouldn't be coming down until she was good and ready.

After a few seconds she sighed and whispered, "I couldn't just leave him out there."

I pulled her into my arms.

"Bella Swan," I whispered into her hair, "you are one incredible woman."

"Tea's up," Charlie called brightly as he shuffled back into the room, placing a tray with three cups of tea on the table. We helped ourselves to cream and sugar before Charlie sat down in the armchair next to us.

"So, Chuckles," Bella said lightly, "what's the word on the streets these days?"

Charlie went through a list of names I didn't recognize, detailing what each person had been up to - who'd been arrested, who'd been eating what, and where they'd been eating it - and Bella listened intently, asking questions and commenting as Charlie spoke. I watched them with fascination. They really were like father and daughter. There was even a physical resemblance, and I was suddenly grateful that they had each other at a time in their lives when they had very little else. They must have been a great comfort to each other.

As I watched, Charlie's face grew dark.

"Um...Bells...I also have to tell you...Crazy Jess Stanley was found the other day. Someone had thrown her in the dumpster behind the Hobby Horse Club." He looked down at his hands and rubbed them absently. "Bells...she was murdered."

Bella's hand squeezed mine and I saw tension fill her face.

"What? Holy shit." The color drained out of her, and her breathing hitched. "Jesus, Charlie...Jess was...my age."

My stomach suddenly lurched.

_What if that had been Bella?_

My mind screamed at the thought.

_What if I hadn't run down that alley that night?_ _Would Bella be lying in that dumpster, lifeless and cold?_

Red rage exploded behind my eyes and I suddenly couldn't breathe. Blood surged through me, and the madman roared furiously at the possibility that, if Bella was still on the streets, someone could have hurt her, or killed her.

I gripped the arm of the couch desperately, my fingers digging painfully into the rough fabric as I fought my murderous fury. I looked over at Bella.

_She's fine Cullen. She's here, with you. She's safe._

The madman calmed slightly, but I could still feel him, flexing his muscles and pacing.

I watched as Bella shook her head in disbelief, a dark shadow passing behind her eyes. Her jaw clenched. "Do they have any idea who did it?"

Charlie nodded slowly. "We all have a fair idea who did it," he said quietly.

Bella tensed further, and suddenly wrenched her hand out of mine. She looked intensely at Charlie, and something unsaid passed between them. Her breathing sped up and I could have sworn I saw fear behind her eyes. She blinked quickly, and when I tried to reach out and grab her hand, she pulled away and stood up.

"I'll be right back," she said tensely, "I just have to use the bathroom." She practically sprinted from the room and I heard a door slam. I got up to go after her, but Charlie reached out and stopped me.

"Just give her a minute, son. It's hard hearing that someone you know has just died. She needs some space."

I nodded and sat back down, feeling frustrated and useless.

Charlie and I looked at each other. Seconds ticked by. Neither of us spoke. I could hear running water coming from the bathroom, and I wondered if Bella was okay.

Charlie looked at me with narrowed eyes and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, suddenly aware of every lump in the ancient couch.

"So, Edward," he began warily, "what is it that you do?"

"Um...I'm a musician actually."

He scoffed. "That's not a job son, that's a hobby. What do you do to earn money?"

I ran my fingers through my hair and laughed. "That IS my job, Charlie. I write and record music for a living."

He screwed up his face. "So, are you lazy son, or just afraid of getting those pretty hands of yours dirty with real work?"

My mouth gaped. I had absolutely no idea how to answer that.

"Well...um..."

Charlie plowed on regardless. "So, have you been pushing yourself on my Bella?"

Once again, words failed to come. "Huh?"

"The sex, son, have you been having the sex with Bella?"

I sputtered like an old Chevy. "Charlie...um...I'm not entirely comfortable discussing that...um...with you..."

Charlie leaned forward in his chair. "Son, did Bella tell you that I used to be a policeman?"

I frowned. _Where the hell was this going?_ "No, sir, she didn't."

"Well, I was, and I was a damn fine one too, even with the voices in my head. Now, I don't know you from Adam, and for all I know you could be Prince Fucking Charming come to take Bells off into the sunset and give her the happily ever after she so richly deserves...but if you're not, and if you hurt my little girl in any way AT ALL – I swear to the all and mighty God in heaven, that I will hunt you down like the dog you are and make you suffer. Do you get what I'm telling you, son?"

I shuddered slightly.

_Christ, these ex-homeless folks really knew how to put the fear of God in you._

"Um...yeah Charlie, of course I get what you're saying, but I just want to tell you that I love Bella...very much...and I intend to spend all my energy making sure that she is happy."

He leaned back in his chair and put his hands on his knees. "That's good son, because that girl has had more than her fair share of pain in her young life, and if I was to find out that you were just another filthy pervert who wanted to humiliate her for your own sick benefit..."

"CHARLIE!" Bella was standing in the doorway with a look of horror on her face.

Charlie immediately closed his mouth and looked away.

Silence hung in the air like a blanket.

"Sorry, Bells," he mumbled softly, "I was just trying to make sure this guy wasn't like the other one. You know, just trying to get you to trust him so he could..."

"Charlie, stop fucking talking – right now!"

A fierce blush was burning her cheeks, and Charlie sank further back into his chair, unwilling to meet her gaze. She looked quickly at me, embarrassment and horror strongly etched on her delicate features.

"I have to go," she said quickly and bolted out the door.

For a moment I was too shocked to move. I looked at Charlie and his face was filled with shame and pain. I listened to Bella's footfalls disappear down the stairs before I wrenched myself in to action.

"Nice to meet you, Charlie," I called as I raced out of the apartment and into the street.

***

**BPOV**

FUCK!

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!

I sprinted down the steps and just started running. I needed to get away from Charlie before I did or said something I would really regret – and Edward? Jesus! What the hell must he be thinking?

I couldn't fucking believe it. Here I was - paranoid about the asshole from my nightmares showing up and ruining my new life - and good old Charlie just decides to play the protective-father card and practically tell Edward the one thing I never, ever want him to hear? Christ, what an idiot!!

I heard fast footfalls behind me and I turned to see Edward, worry creasing his features.

_God, I just cannot face him right now._

I kept walking, fast. He caught up with me easily.

"Bella, what the hell?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Cullen."

"Bella, come on. Charlie was just trying to make sure I was good enough for you."

I laughed bitterly and shook my head. "Yeah, right. As if THAT is ever going to be an issue."

"What, you think I care that there were men in you past? I'm not a fucking idiot, Swan. I've kind of figured that out, even without Charlie's help."

"Cullen, you have no idea what the hell you're talking about, and I am not getting into this with you right now."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't fucking want to, okay?"

He grabbed my hand firmly and wrenched me around to face him. "How many times do I have to tell you? I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'VE DONE IN YOUR PAST! I love you – completely. Nothing is ever going to change that. Why won't you just tell me?"

I fought the need to slap his beautiful, naïve face.

"Ok, fine," I seethed. "You want to hear about all the fucked up, perverted things I've done in MY past. I'll tell you – everything. Every disgusting little detail. But you go first."

He stopped breathing.

"Come on Edward. It won't matter to me. I'LL STILL LOVE YOU ANYWAY!! Why won't you just tell me?" I could hear my mocking, petulant voice, but at this point, I didn't care.

Shame filled his face and his eyes flashed with anger.

"How the fuck did this become about me all of a sudden?!"

I threw my hands up in the air in frustration. "Because you're a fucking hypocrite, that's why!! You're all too eager for me to lay all of my crap out on the table, so you can shake your head, and feel sorry for me, and forgive me for my sins, but you're not willing to do the same for me? You're the KING of hypocrite's, Edward!"

I could see his jaw clench as his hands balled into fists at his side. I knew I had hit a nerve but I needed to make him understand how I felt.

"Why the hesitation, honey?" I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Are you afraid that maybe I won't be as understanding as you? That I won't think you're such a fucking God when you tell me all about the booze, and the women, and the three day benders with blow and whores, and the goddamn Madman – whoever the hell he is? Are you afraid I won't love you anymore?" His eyes blazed into mine and I returned their intensity. "Well, now you know how I feel, okay? How you're feeling right now? That's my worst fear come to life! Christ, don't you KNOW I'm already living on borrowed time here? That the universe is going to eventually figure out that fairytales need a princess, not a fucking street kid with a foul mouth and a bad attitude?!!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella!" he yelled. "You KNOW we belong together, that we're meant for each other!! I know it, and you know it, and every damn person that sees us together knows it! Why don't you trust that?"

"If YOU trust it so damn much, THEN YOU WON'T HAVE ANY TROUBLE TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR PAST, WILL YOU?!"

I glared at him and waited.

_Come on Edward, please. Please tell me. If you tell me, we might have a chance. If you trust me with this, I'll never doubt you... or us...again. I can't do this without you. I'm not strong enough. Please...tell me. _

He dropped his eyes from mine, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest.

He didn't trust me...and I didn't trust him - where the hell did that leave us? I was under no illusions that I was an expert on relationships, but I knew enough to know that you could have all the love in the world, but if you didn't have trust, you were doomed.

Suddenly, I needed to get away from him, needed to put some distance between him and the tiny cracks that were starting to appear in my heart.

"I'll see you back at the hotel," I said softly, and turned and walked away.

I had only gotten a few steps when I felt his hands on my shoulders. I stopped, not wanting to turn around, but unable to stop myself, needing to see what he was thinking. I scanned his perfect features. He was frowning, and his eyes wouldn't meet mine, but I could see that he was hurting too.

"I want to tell you, Bella, I really do. I'm just...not ready...yet."

I stroked his cheek, and he pulled me close to him and sighed. I swallowed the emotion that was threatening to engulf me.

We both needed time, I understood that, but how much time could we afford before what we were both so desperately trying to hide, found its way into the light?

"I understand," I said softly, "I feel the same way."

I closed my eyes and hugged him fiercely.

Soon, I promised myself. I'll tell him - soon.

****

**APOV**

I sat at my desk and looked at the phone. It wasn't ringing. I picked it up and checked for a dial tone.

_Yep. Working perfectly. _

I put it back down on the desk and stared at it again.

_So, if it's working properly, then why isn't it ringing?_ _He said he'd call, right?_ _Was he lying?_ _Was it just something he said to get crazy, horny women out of his office after they've thoroughly molested him, physically and mentally?_

My assistant poked her head through the door.

"Um...excuse me Alice," she said nervously. I flashed my glare at her. "Oh...dear Lord...um...never mind. It can wait."

Hell yeah, it can wait. Do you know what can't wait? ME dammit! I can't fucking wait for Dr Mc Of-course-I'll-call-you-just-as-soon-as-hell-freezes-over-and-large-furry-birds-fly-out-my-ass!!

_Fuck_.

I grabbed the latest print-out of the upcoming promotional schedule for Edward's album launch, and looked it over, trying to divert my attention from the complete non-ringing of my phone. I looked at the punishing schedule that was about to kick in and smiled bitterly.

_Well, big brother, better enjoy your time with Bella now, because in a couple of days you two are going to be so freaking busy you won't have time to scratch yourselves, let alone each other. _I slapped the paper back down onto the desk._ At least someone in this family is getting laid, I suppose._

I looked at my stupid, still-silent phone and considered throwing it against the wall. _That would teach it to defy me._ I glared at it uselessly.

_Crap_.

_What's the use of having an industrial-strength laser-gaze if it didn't work on crappy, silent phones, and stupid, sexy therapists?_

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, settling myself in for an epic sulk.

Suddenly, the phone rang.

I leaped up from my chair and looked at it like it was a deadly snake about to strike.

_Oh shit._ _Ok, it's ringing._ _WHAT DO I DO NOW?!_

I knew I was panicking, but I couldn't help it. There was the possibility that the hottest man on earth was on the other end of that line, and I suddenly felt completely incapable of dealing with that fact.

"BREE!!" I bellowed at the door. I paced furiously while the phone continued to ring insistently. Bree's head poked through the door nervously. "Um...did you bellow?"

"GET THE FUCK IN HERE AND ANSWER MY FUCKING PHONE RIGHT NOW FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!" I screamed, suddenly launching into a new realm of insanity never before witnessed by human eyes. Bree scurried over the phone and answered it.

"Hello, Alice Cullen Management and Publicity, this is Bree."

She listened and I stopped breathing as I struggled to hear the voice at the other end of the phone.

"Um...let me check for you please. May I say who's calling?" Bree looked at me and I inadvertently lasered off one of her eyebrows. She looked away. "I see. One moment please."

She held her hand over the phone and whispered to me, "It's a Dr Hale. Do you want to speak to him?"

Fuck. Good question. I suddenly realized that, even with our little grope-fest this morning, I still really hadn't had a conversation with the man – well one that didn't revolve around my unhealthy obsession with him, or his reluctance for bending me over the couch and fucking me in his office.

_What the hell would I say?_ _"Um...hi Jasper, I really enjoyed rubbing your cock this morning...wanna get married?"_

_Jesus_. _I am so screwed._ _I just don't feel ready to...._

"Alice?" Bree interrupted me.

"WHAT THE FUCK, BREE? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M HAVING KIND OF AN IMPORTANT INNER FUCKING MONOLOGUE AT THE MOMENT, OR ARE YOU COMPLETELY FUCKING BLIND AND USELESS!!"

Her bottom lip trembled, and I exhaled, furious with myself for punishing her for my gross insecurities. I gently took the phone from her and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry Bree, I'm just freaking out a bit here." She nodded and I could hear her breath hitching. "Look, why don't you take the rest of the day off, okay." I grabbed the company credit card off my desk and thrust it at her. "Go and buy yourself something pretty."

She looked at me from under her lashes and cracked a wide smile.

"Thanks Alice, you're totes the best."

She bounded out of the room like an over-enthusiastic puppy.

_Wait a second._ _Did she just fucking play me like a violin?_ _That clever little bitch._

I smiled, and brought the phone up to my ear. I listened. Was he even still there.

"Alice?"

I dropped the phone.

_Jesus_. His super-hot-panty-dropper voice was even more potent over the phone. I squeezed my legs together to stop my girl parts from screaming hysterically and running around the room singing 'Hallelujah'.

I picked up the receiver and gripped it tightly. I brought it slowly to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Alice, did you just drop the phone?"

"Um... a bit."

"A bit?"

"A lot."

"Uh huh..."

"Completely. Completely dropped it. On the floor. Didn't smash though. Still working."

Jeez, I sounded like English was my second language.

_Just talk to the man, for God's sake, Alice, and stop being a complete and utter spaz._

I heard chuckling from the other end of the phone.

"Do I affect you so violently, Alice, that you can't even hang on to your phone?"

_God_. _He has NO idea._ "Uh huh."

"Alice," he breathed and I suddenly needed to sit down. "Tell me. Tell me what I do to you."

_Oh..sweet...Lord. _

I struggled to stay concious in the face of such mind-blowing sexiness. I moaned – seriously – fucking moaned into the phone.

"Oh, Jesus, Jasper. You turn me into a complete goddamn basket-case. I just can't even function around you. You make me insane."

"Hmmm...just as well I'm a therapist then, isn't it?"

I sank down into my leather couch and closed my eyes as I imagine Dr McSexy-as-hell screwing me roughly as he bent me over his huge mahogany desk. I'm pretty sure I moaned again. "Oh...yes Doctor Hale, yes."

"Alice, do you know that I feel exactly the same way?"

My eyes snapped open. "You do?"

"Yes. I do. With the exception of the fact that I have excellent phone-gripping skills."

I laughed. "Well, I'm sure that has something to do with the fact that you have something you can practice your gripping skills on."

_Fuck me._

_Did I just imply that he gripped his cock regularly?_

I heard him groan, softly.

_Yep_. _What do you know?_ _I'm a natural at dirty talk._ _Most excellent._

"Do you think about my cock often, Alice?"

_Oh God...that voice...saying the word 'cock'...oh...nothing better. _

"Yes," I rasped, "I think about your cock constantly. In fact, I think I have OCD - Obsessive Cock Disorder." He laughed and an electric current shot through me, settling in my aching core.

"What do you think about doing with my cock, Alice?"

"Oh...God..." My mind struggled to settle on one of my innumerable fantasies. "I think about taking it in my mouth, tasting you...consuming you."

He moaned softly and it was the most glorious noise my ears had ever heard. "Hmmm....what else?"

"I think about you, thrusting, in and out of me..." Another moan.

_Oh, dear God, he's like a drug to me._ _I need more._

"Oh, God, yes Alice. It took everything I had to not fuck you furiously up against that door today. You looked and tasted so good, I was so close to losing control. You drive me crazy."

I laid my head back and let his words wash over me.

_Was this really happening?_ _Was the man of my dreams really saying these incredibly sexy things to me?_

"Alice, I want you to listen to me now, and do exactly as I say, do you understand?"

_Oh, Jasper._ _You could ask me to cluck like a chicken and I swear, I would fucking lay an egg._

"Um...yes."

"Go over to your office door, and lock it."

I shuffled over to the door on unsteady legs. Not that it really mattered. Bree was gone for the day and I wasn't expecting any meetings. I threw the lock quickly. "Done."

"Alice, do you have a speaker phone?"

"Yes."

"Use it now."

I pushed the button and hung up the receiver. "Can you hear me?"

"Yes, Alice, I can hear you perfectly, and God, what your voice does to me." I heard him take a deep breath, and I imagined his perfect pecs straining against the thin fabric of his shirt. "Now, I want you to pull up your skirt, Alice, and take off your panties."

"Oh...God...yes." My hands were trembling as I quickly removed the flimsy piece of lace. "Done."

"Do you remember my hands on you this afternoon, Alice?"

"Uh...yes...your hands....hot-assed hands."

"I want you to imagine your hands are my hands, Alice, can you do that?"

I bit my lip in anticipation. "Yes."

"Good. Now Alice, I want to touch your breasts."

"Oh...Jesus...yes, please." I ripped my shirt open and pulled down my bra, running my hands lightly over my breasts, imagining Jasper's beautiful fingers ghosting the sensitive skin.

"That's it Alice, touch yourself...feel my hands on your body...stroking you...squeezing your delectable lushness."

"Oh, yes, Jasper...touch me..."

"Oh, God Alice, you feel so good. Your skin is so soft, like silk...and your nipples...Jesus, squeeze your nipples, Alice..."

"Oh..."

I gasped as I squeezed and tugged my hardened nipples with Jasper's surrogate hands.

"Yes, just like that...yes. Now Alice, I need you to touch your stomach..." My hands dipped lower, trailing a line of electricity as they went. "Lower Alice." I went lower, Jasper's voice spurring me on and thrilling me beyond all reason. I reached my aching wetness and gasped as my fingers rubbed it gently. "Yes, Alice...right there...stroke yourself."

"Oh God, Jasper, keep talking....please." My breathing sped up as my/Jasper's hand circled and pressed against my swollen nub, generating sharp electrical pulses that made me writhe and moan.

"Alice, yes, faster baby...I'm touching you faster...and harder..." My hands took on a mind of their own, rubbing me into a frenzy, my walls tightening and contracting, desperate to feel release. "Oh, fuck Jasper, yes....please...don't stop talking." I kept tightening as electrical pulses started firing deep within me. "Oh, Jesus...oh Christ...oh yes, Jasper, yes....fuck, your hands are amazing!!"

"Alice...cum for me...I want to hear you scream my name as you cum!"

His voice pushed me over the edge. "Oh...YES, Jasper...GOD, YES! JASPER!!" My walls spasmed violently, surging pleasure through my whole body as my back arched and my brain exploded with images of Dr Mc I'm-so-fucking-hot-I've-just-given-you-the-best-fucking-orgasm-of-your-entire-life-and-I-wasn't-even-in-the-same-room-as-you.

I panted and grimaced with pleasure as the final pulses of my orgasm faded.

My mind reeled with what just happened.

_Fucking hell._ _I have never experienced anything like that._ _I mean, I thought an orgasm was an orgasm, but that right there?_ _Obviously some sort of huge, mutated super-orgasm on steroids._

I took in a messy breath, trying to calm my thundering pulse.

I could hear Jasper breathing heavily too, and I wondered if he had been touching himself at the same time.

"Oh...Jesus...Jasper, that was just...wow...mind-blowing." My breathing was still ragged and my brain was groggy from the rush of endorphins. "Did you...um...I mean...were you - you know....while I was - you know?"

His throaty chuckle almost made me cum again. "Alice, this phone call wasn't about me, it was about you. Although...Jesus...I don't think my cock has ever been quite this hard."

A mental image of his gorgeous erection bombarded my brain, and my mouth went onto auto-pilot. "Jasper," I ordered firmly, "I want you to go and lock your office door."

I heard movement on the other end of the phone, and he chuckled again. "Alice Cullen...you are an evil woman."

I heard a loud click in the background and licked my lips in anticipation.

"You fucking love it, Hale. Now, drop your pants and wrap your hot-assed hand around that awesome cock of yours...."

The sound of his magnificent moans reverberated around my office as the sun started to set, and I was in heaven.

***

* * *

_**Author's Notes**_

_***The Madman enters. He is wearing tight, black jeans, and a black T-shirt that hugs his impressive muscles like a Twi-Mom on heat. He licks his lips suggestively and starts reading a prepared statement***_

**Ahem...Dear hot-titted readers,**

**It has come to my attention that, although your reviews make me unbelievably aroused, and satisfied in a way I have never before experienced, the sad, needy author of this story resents the fuck-hot dalliances I have started up with many of you. Apparently, she feels my limitless libido and rocking body have completely overshadowed her meagre talent and average-sized-brain (although I keep telling her she has magnificent tits, she doesn't believe me and thinks I'm just sucking up so she'll let me out of my cage to feel-up my favorite readers.) *he winks* You know who you are.**

**This has resulted in my role in the last few chapters being reduced to practically nothing. I mean, sure, I got to feel Bella up in this chapter (ALWAYS worth it), and got to go slightly apeshit with Edward's red-rage (Christ, that boy is SUCH a pussy), but I am an ambitious son-of-a-bitch, and as with everything in my pleasure-driven existence, I need more. Much more.**

**So my proposal is this – you stroke Kiya's ego - thus inspiring her to dramatically increase the size of my...part - and I will stroke you – wherever you like. **

_***He smirks and starts to touch himself inappropriately***_

**What do you say girls? Do we have a deal?**

_*Kiya walks in an starts slapping him on his ridiculously tight ass*_

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, MONKEY-BOY? I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM MY READERS, DAMMIT. THEY'RE MINE! MINE! NOT YOURS, YOU ANNOYINGLY SEXY MAN-WHORE!!!

_*The Madman winks at the readers and makes the 'call me' gesture before exiting.*_

God, he's SUCH an asshole. _*Panting*_ It's ok guys...I'm fine...no-one panic.

(Hmmm...is there an award for the most epic, rambling A/N ever? Cause if there is, this baby is sure to win!!)

Love you all,

Kiya x


	16. Unspoken Truths

**Chapter Notes**

_*Talking softly on the phone*_ Bella, are you sure? Yes, I wrote exactly what you told me to, but do you really want people to know this stuff – it's pretty fucking personal...ok...yeah, I understand. Of course I'll tell them. Alright, talk to you later. _*Hangs up the phone*_

Well everyone...um...this chapter has been pretty traumatic for me to write. Both Bella and Edward needed me to tell their stories, and although I knew it had to be done, it still hasn't been pleasant. Bella would like me to tell you all that no matter how you feel about her story, please do NOT give her pity-face – she can't stand pity-face and if you go down that path, she will no doubt kick your ass.

_Warning: This chapter contains dark themes. It's not all sunshine and rainbows in Screamers' land today._

To my divine Beta and glorious friend, Catty-Wan – Damn woman, I just can't express how grateful I am to you for everything you've done, and continue to do for me. This story would have probably finished way back at Chapter 4 if it hadn't been for you. Thank you baby.

To Hawk – Thank you for listening to my paranoid ramblings – you keep me sane and your razor-sharp instincts are my compass. Big hugs and Tim Tam slams to you.

To my rock of a validator, Twilightzoner – thank you for your ever constant commas.

Disclaimer: SM owns these characters, and I seriously hope she doesn't hear about the crap I'm putting them through behind her back.

Normally at this point in the Chapter Notes I'd say "Enjoy!" I can't really say that for this chapter. Perhaps 'endure' would be more appropriate.

**Chapter 16 - Unspoken Truths**

**BPOV**

I felt the dark stranger pull me into his arms, and for the first time since my mother broke my heart into a million agonizing pieces, I felt...safe. I had only spent six weeks on the streets, but the gut-wrenching pain that lived inside me, making every breath and movement hurt, made it seem much longer.

I had become numb to the humiliation of survival at that point. Rooting through trash cans like a rat, desperately probing the filthy containers for any vaguely digestible scrap of food was bearable. Enduring the looks of disgust and pity from strangers as I scurried into public bathrooms and toilets, desperately trying to scrub away the stench of what I had become, was bearable. Embracing the animal within me in order to intimidate the spineless scum that saw me as weak, vulnerable prey, had become bearable.

The one thing that I could not bear was the cold realization that this was now my life. My brain screeched in protest as it tried to comprehend how I had become so unworthy - so undeserving of any happiness at all, that I had been cast out of one hell, and thrust, forcefully, into another. It screamed violently as I descended into my own personal purgatory, pleading with me to fight, to resist the pull of hopelessness that dragged on me like a blanket of lead, but the weight of my self-pity and guilt was inexorable, and it would not be denied.

When 'he' found me, I was huddled in a darkened stairwell, staring, catatonic at a old travel poster showing a young couple sitting on a tropical beach, drinking cocktails. It had become a favorite place of mine, and I would stare for hours at the seductive image, ignoring the bewildered stares of passers-by, ignoring my hunger, ignoring the stale stench of my unwashed body, and most importantly, ignoring the hurt, betrayed girl inside me who screamed that I would never experience the carefree happiness of the smiling couple in the ripped and faded image, because I was an animal – undeserving of even my mother's love.

The image transported me somewhere else – to a place where I didn't have to remember myself at the age of thirteen, crying myself to sleep as the pain of my broken body and damaged mind engulfed me in my tiny room. It took me to a place where I could close my eyes without remembering the look on Phil's face as I stood above him, gore and pieces of matted hair dripping from me as I screamed out five years of misplaced loyalty, and shame, and revenge. I didn't have to remember the look of horror and disgust on my mother's face as she slapped me and shrieked at me to get out and never come back.

So when he found me, and whispered to me in a warm voice, full of protection, and comfort, and escape from the hell I was living, I went with him – willingly, gratefully, and without question.

He gave me food, and a small, filthy bed, and for the first few days, I truly thought he was my savior - but there was a small, cynical part of me that knew it was too good to be true. It noticed how he scrutinized me when he though I wasn't looking. It noticed how his hands started to explore my body when he pretended to comfort me, and it came to understand, very quickly, that the warmth and safety that he promised me would be something he intended me to earn.

To his credit, he started slowly, asking me only to pleasure him, orally – to repay him for his incredible kindness. I didn't protest. My body was all I had, and the fact that my mouth was able to please him was something I was almost grateful for.

One night, as he grasped at my breasts roughly, he inquired about my virginity. I almost laughed out loud. _Was I a virgin?_ The word seemed so ridiculous to me. Virginity implied a level of innocence and purity that I hadn't known since my father died. It implied that I was untainted and uncorrupted, and the guilt inside me laughed bitterly at the thought. It was true that I had never had sex with a man, but was I a virgin? The thought seemed incomprehensible considering the fact that I had been completely and thoroughly fucked by the universe, incessantly, during my relatively short life.

However, I knew what he wanted to hear, so I told him I was. His face contorted with satisfaction at the knowledge, and it wasn't long before I was not only repaying his kindness to _him_ with my talented mouth, he had also requested that I start 'being grateful' to a select group of his 'friends'. I pleasured them numbly, barely aware of them grasping at me desperately as I brought them to release. My mouth was keeping me from descending into the lowest circle of hell, and I rationalized that I wasn't a whore because no money was changing hands – at least not my hands anyway.

The day he auctioned off my virginity to the highest bidder, the tiny part of my brain that recognized what was happening screamed at me to fight, to protect myself, to realize that I deserved to be more than what I was allowing myself to become. I ignored it. It was easy to do. I had no evidence to suggest I deserved anything more. I was guilty, and I needed to be punished.

I lost my virginity in a filthy, smelly hotel room. The lucky winner of my rare prize heaved and grunted above me as three of his friends stood around and watched, stroking themselves and leering as he ripped the final piece of my innocence from me. I barely felt it. By then, the blissful numbness had descended, and for that, I was grateful, at least for a time.

Over the next twelve months, every perversion imaginable was perpetrated upon me, and I took it all without complaint. I participated in my own humiliation with barely a whimper, doing what I was told to, accepting 'his' every whim and foible as a necessary evil. I was pathetic. I silently hated myself and every sweaty, thrusting pig that was inflicted upon me, and over time, I came to hate 'him' most of all.

"Ah, my little Swan," he said one night as he fucked me to sleep, "I've had so many girls over the years, but you're my favorite. Do you know why?" I shook my head as he pounded into me, desperate for him to shoot his load into the condom and get the fuck off me. "It's because you really don't care, do you? You have so much hate for yourself, that nothing I do to you is bad enough, is it Isabella?" I cringed as he brought his foul mouth down to mine and thrust his tongue inside. He sucked on me roughly before pulling away and grunting as he came. "Oh God, yes! You fucking belong to me, you little whore!! You're mine! Always! Yes!"

He rolled off me and I quickly pulled up my sheets and turned over, letting the blessed numbness wash over me. "You'll always belong to me now, my little Swan, my filthy little whore," he leered as he got up to leave. "I own you now."

My ears burned at his words. It was the first time he'd called me that, and the term echoed in my brain as he kissed my forehead on his way out. As the door closed behind him, the numbness started to fade, and was replaced by pure, violent rage. It pulsed through my body as the truth of his words sandblasted its way through my carefully constructed wall of denial.

I was a whore.

I was _his_ whore.

I hated myself so much that I had let myself be controlled by this animal. He had all the power and I had fucking given it to him. I was killing myself, piece by piece, man by man - giving in to the grief and guilt and pain – letting it win, letting it take me. I had been hating him for so long it had been easy to ignore what, deep down, I knew to be true – this was my fault. Did he ever force me to do anything? No. Did I ever refuse the disgusting things that were asked of me? No. Did I ever just fucking say 'no'? No.

Suddenly, the past twelve months swept through my brain like a hurricane and I sprinted to the bathroom and vomited explosively. I brought up everything inside me, purging it into the disgusting porcelain, and along with the meager contents of my stomach, I purged the self-pitying, pathetic little girl who allowed herself to be bought and sold like a cheap piece of meat.

I rinsed my mouth out and washed my face, and then I did something I hadn't done in almost a year - I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked at what I had become, and the tiny spark of self-respect that smoldered inside of me, exploded. What the fuck was I doing? Jesus, I survived five years of torturous physical abuse and mental anguish only to let a few missed meals and lack of creature comforts turn me into a self-loathing asshole bent on self-destruction? I don't fucking think so. Not anymore.

I raced to my bedroom, got dressed, piled everything I owned into my filthy backpack and got the hell out of the place that had witnessed my life's worst moments. I ran into the streets and felt something I hadn't felt in a very long time – freedom. I knew he would be furious. I even knew that he would find me, but at that moment, I didn't care. All I could think of was getting out – getting out and trying to reclaim the pieces of my soul that had been strewn all over the city. I needed to find the girl who had the strength to take beatings for her ungrateful bitch of a mother. The girl who knew she could cope with any humiliation as long it was on her terms, not someone else's. I needed to find Bella, and leave the powerless little girl back in that filthy bedroom with the cum stains and used condoms.

He found me four days later. He begged me to come back, then he ordered me, threatened me, and when none of that worked, he started to hit me. I almost laughed as his fist collided with my jaw and nearly knocked me unconscious. Did he seriously think this was new to me? That I hadn't endured all this and more? That he could hurt me more than I had already hurt myself? What a fucking idiot.

I let him hit me until he was exhausted and his hands were split and bleeding, and when he tried to drag me out of my alley, away from my sanctuary – my freedom - I shrieked with the fury of a deranged hellcat and fought him with every ounce of energy I had left. Eventually, he relented and left me, panting, battered and bleeding on the cold ground. As he stalked off, I felt a small sense of pride start to burn inside me, and it felt better than anything I had ever experienced. I had won. I had reclaimed my right to decide what happened to me, and vowed I would never again give up that right, for any reason, or anyone.

That was the night Charlie found me. He gathered me in his arms and cleaned my wounds, all the time babbling about how the angels would be happy he was helping me, and compulsively touching his top-hat. He hovered over me for three days while the worst of my wounds healed, bringing me food and water and even pain-killers that he had stolen from a nearby drug-store, and when 'he' came back, intent on reclaiming his property, he found an insane, snarling Charlie standing over me like a rabid guard dog. The fucking coward almost wet himself.

Over the years he had tried to get me to come back to him more times than I could count, but he knew he had lost his power over me. I was never going to be his commodity to buy and sell again. He continued to beat me when he found me alone, but as time went on, I managed to give almost as good as I got.

And now, here I was, wrapped in a fluffy robe, stretched out on a beautiful bed, in a luxury penthouse, about as far from that life as I could possibly be, and yet, I still wasn't free from it.

I closed my eyes and listened to the music floating down the hall, wrapping me in a cocoon of bliss and wonder, whispering to me about the exceptional man creating it. I sighed and let it wash over me, praying that it would dissolve the nest of snakes that had recently taken up residence in my stomach, squirming and hissing old doubts and insecurities directly into my haunted mind.

When we got back to the penthouse after visiting Charlie, Edward and I had spent the afternoon in uncomfortable silence, neither of us knowing how to address the chasm that was forming between us. As the silence continued, it seemed to fill up with all the things that were going unsaid, making it thicker, deeper, harder to break. Eventually, Edward had gone to the music room and I had gone to my bedroom, and as I shut the door behind me, separating me from the man that I loved, I violently cursed the fact that I wasn't a normal girl – one who had parents that loved her, who had a proper childhood, who could love the man of her dreams without constantly looking over her shoulder, wondering when her sordid past would catch up with her and smash every hope she had for the future into an unrecognizable mess.

I called Charlie briefly, mumbling an apology about my behavior earlier in the day, but really just needing to hear a friendly, reassuring voice. He apologized profusely in return, making me feel like even more of a shit-heel than I did before I called. We spoke briefly about Crazy Jess Stanley's murder. The police had been interviewing most of the street-folk, looking for a lead on her murderer, but as usual, the streets weren't talking. Charlie, ever the ex-policeman, told me his theories and I listened, trying to push away the mental image that kept thrusting itself into my brain – I saw myself, bloodied and broken, lying with the other garbage in a stinking alley, slowly rotting away while the rest of the world went on, oblivious. No one reported me missing. No one searched frantically for me. No one mourned for me when I was buried in a cardboard box in an unmarked grave. I shuddered. If it hadn't been for Edward, that could very well have been my fate. I tried not to think about it.

I mumbled my goodbyes to Charlie and took a shower, desperately trying to wash away the crawling unease that was building in my body.

As I wrapped myself in my robe and lay on the bed, I thought about everything Edward had brought into my life - how he had saved me without knowing it, and now, his music called to me, willing me to make the first move, to break the silence. I knew I wasn't ready to tell Edward everything, but I also knew if one of us didn't do something – anything - the silence would engulf us, and I loved him too much to let that happen. I stood up and got dressed, unable to bear being apart from him any longer.

I followed the sublime sound, letting it rinse away my shame, until I was standing behind him, watching him create beauty from thin air. I ran my hands over his shoulders and he leaned back into me, still playing. I trailed down his arms, letting my hands settle on his as they danced across the keys. My head rested on his shoulder as I leaned over him, and the snakes gradually dissolved as he turned his face to mine and kissed me gently. He stopped playing and pulled me into his lap, burying his head into my neck and just breathed. We held each other like that for a long time, and slowly the silence lifted and dissipated, like fog on a cold morning.

"I love you Piss-Girl, you know that right?"

"I know. I love you too, Asstard."

Eventually I pulled back and looked into his face. It was astounding to me that this magnificent man loved me, and wanted me. I traced his features gently, feeling his green eyes on me as I explored the glory of his face.

Would he understand if I told him? Would he be able to block out images of me and the countless men I had fucked in every way imaginable, or would he be unable to see me as anything but the pathetic whore that I used to be? I wanted, so much, to be certain of his love, of his constancy, but how could I? I was still having trouble believing that he was real, and in my arms, and loving me – did I really want to risk him realizing how unworthy of him I was?

Part of me wanted to tell him and then run away – just to see if he would follow – but part of me knew that he never would, and that would kill me.

I traced his lips with my fingers, mesmerized by their perfection. I leaned in and pressed my lips against his, gently, reverently, drinking in his breath, vaguely aware of his hands tightening around me. He pulled back and raised his hand to my face, cupping my jaw with his fingers, gently tracing the shell of my ear. I watched in fascination as his eyes darkened and the rise and fall of his chest began to quicken. Everything about him entranced me – the way he moved, the way he smelled, his talent, his compassion, his perfect beauty. He was the one. It was like I had won the fucking lottery and I hadn't even bought a ticket.

_Please let us get through this_, I prayed silently.

He pulled my face to his, and started suckling my lips, gently coaxing my mouth open so he could find my tongue. We kissed each other gently, lovingly, not giving in to the raging hormones that always seemed to dictate our lovemaking. Tonight wasn't about that. Tonight was about something deeper, more meaningful. It was about more than just our bodies and it was so much more thrilling because of that.

I buried my hands in his hair and revelled in his kiss. He guided my face to the side as he sought to deepen our connection and I opened my mouth further to allow him to. I could feel his hot breath on my face as he groaned quietly into my mouth, and instinctively my hands tightened in his hair. He groaned again, and I heard my own moan answer him.

I broke away, needing to breathe. "Edward," I panted, "when will Alice be home?"

He ran his hands from my shoulder blades to my hips, gently massaging me with his fingers as he went. "She rang earlier to say she wouldn't be home until late. Something about having some dictation to catch up on at the office?"

I frowned. "What the hell is dictation?"

Edward shrugged and started kissing my neck. "I really don't care."

Suddenly, neither did I. "So, we're alone?"

He murmured into my throat. "It would seem that way. Why, what did you have in mind?"

I got up off his lap and pulled him with me. He started heading toward the bedroom but I stopped him, and he raised his eyebrows at me.

"Stay," I ordered softly.

***

**EPOV**

After we got home from Charlie's, Bella and I had circled each other all afternoon like silent, tortured satellites, desperately trying to figure out how to communicate but failing miserably. Eventually my frustration got the better of me and I stalked into the music room and flopped down onto the piano stool.

I felt like shit.

Bella deserved my trust - had earned my trust in a million different ways - and yet I was too much of a fucking coward to give it to her. Was I really so insecure about how she felt about me?

The Madman strolled around my subconscious, tapping his chin thoughtfully. _Well, let's look at this logically shall we?_

_I don't think that will be possible - you're completely fucking devoid of logic, aren't you?_

He glowered. _Fine. You be logical, I'll be...me._

_Fine. Bella loves me. Why then am I so afraid to tell her about my past?_

He shook his head at me like I was a fucking idiot. _Bella loves you because she knows absolutely nothing about you, apart from the pussy-whipped girly-man that you pretend to be whenever she's around. Do you really think if she'd met you twelve months ago she would have pissed on you if you were on fire?_

My stomach lurched and burned. _I was a different person back then._

_No, you weren't. You were the same person. __You just let people see the real you back then, not this fucking beige watercolor version of you that you're currently pretending to be._

_Wrong, asshole. I was YOU back then – completely out of control, doing what I wanted, taking what I wanted, and not giving a shit about the consequences or who the hell I hurt in the process. I was a fucking animal – unable to take charge of my most base and disgusting desires - your desires to be more specific._

_So, I'm the only one responsible for your behavior? You're completely blameless? What, we're now two separate entities living in the same body, and when I was in the driver's seat you just popped out for a fucking yoga class? Is that what you're saying? _

_No...of course not..._

_No, dickhead, I certainly hope not. You don't have multiple fucking personalities for God's sake. You have one personality – me. Deal with it._

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed heavily. I placed my hands on the keyboard and started to play, using the music to soothe my shame. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't responsible for the heinous things I had done in the past, that it was him – the Madman - but I knew that would be feeding my desperate need for denial, and if I did that after all the extensive therapy I had been through, Jasper would kick my ass into next week.

Why had I been so intent on hurting others and myself back then? What possible excuse did I have for the things I did? Unhappy childhood? Nope. Indifferent parents? Nope. Violent, abusive step-father and useless, impotent mother who let my childhood get beaten out of me?

_Oh. Jesus_.

That's it. That's why I'm so frightened to tell Bella my past sins.

I knew I could absolutely handle anything she told me she had done, without question or doubt – because I KNEW that after what she had been through, pretty much anything, including the painful torture and murder of motherfucker-Phil would be pretty much justified in my eyes – but me? I was an ordinary, middle-class, private-schooled pretty boy, who had pretty much gotten everything I ever wanted in life, only to feel completely unfulfilled and ungrateful when I got it. Bella had every excuse in the world for her sins, and I had absolutely none. I was an idiot – a first class, top-of-the-line, immature, asshole, idiot - and I didn't deserve her love.

The Madman rubbed my back reassuringly. _Oh, come on now, we had some good times, didn't we? Remember the time that group of girls found their way into your dressing room after a show? You were filling your nose with the best blow we'd had in a while, and when they burst in, you very generously, allowed them to partake. That was kind of nice of you._

_Madman, they were seventeen years old. Jesus, thanks for reminding me that I got four minors high._

_But if you hadn't gotten them high, then they might not have been quite so willing to get naked with you, and each other, and oh...watching those girls devour you like you were a fucking flesh-flavored snack was one of the highlights of my life._

I closed my eyes and concentrated on the music. I didn't want to hear this. I had tried so hard to forgive myself for my mistakes – Jasper had insisted on it – but remembering them brought every single dagger of shame straight back into my conscience, twisting and jabbing me with gut-wrenching guilt.

The Madman was enjoying my pain. He rubbed his hands together with glee as he continued to torture me. _Oh, oh....what about the first time you tried heroin? That was ball-tearingly cool! You fucked the slightly skanky groupie who gave it to you, and then, you fucked her sister, right in front of her! Then you insisted that they fuck each other, and they did! Ah, good times..._

_Shut up. Please, stop. Just let me forget...._

_But Edward, this is the stuff that Bella needs to hear, right? This is what she needs to know about you if you're to ever be completely honest with her, isn't it?_

My pulse tripled at the thought, and I felt spider's legs of panic crawling around in my brain.

_No_. _She could never know, any of it._ _Ever..._

_What about that night in Arizona?_

_No..._

_You remember that, don't you?_

_Stop...._

_Of course you do. That was the night you finally cracked wide open and let ALL of your crazy fall out..._

_Please, stop, now..._

_Don't feel bad. A lot of people have a psychotic episode the first time they try ice. It's not unusual._

_SHUT UP!!_

_I mean, he was asking for it, wasn't he? That smug bastard, trying to tell you what to do..._

_SHUT THE FUCK UP!! NOW!!_

_He deserved everything you gave to him and more. Well, you probably would have given him more if the cops hadn't pulled you off him, wouldn't you? Or are you going to rationalize that I was the one doing the damage that night, and you were off having your bikini line waxed?_

I squeezed my eyes shut and gritted my teeth. I couldn't think about it. I just couldn't. My hands pounded the keys, desperate to distract me from the damage they had done that night. I pushed the image of them, bruised and bloodied, out of my mind.

_Aww...Edward, don't feel bad. I'm sure that with enough cosmetic surgery he'll be able to hug his kids again without them screaming and running away in terror...probably._

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, determined to not let him win. The more I let him distress me, the more power he got, and I did not intend to let him out of his cage anytime in the near future.

_You will not torture me, asshole. I KNOW what I've done is unforgivable. __I KNOW I'm a piece of shit who doesn't deserve someone like Bella - but until the last cold breath leaves my body, I will do everything in my power to make myself worthy of her, and if that means cutting your balls off and leaving you to die, then so be it._

He laughed, acidly. _Well, them there's fightin' words little hoss – do you really think you're capable of denying me, cowboy?_

The music calmed as I concentrated on my breathing, slowing my pulse and regaining control. Bella's face entered my mind, and at that moment, I felt I could do anything if it meant keeping her in my life. I looked at the madman, calmly. _In the immortal words of John McLean, "Yippey-kiy-yay, motherfucker."_

Suddenly, my skin started to tingle, and I knew without looking that Bella was in the room. Every cell of my body could feel her, and was drawn to her, and when I felt her hands on my shoulders, the uncomfortable frisson I always felt when we were apart disappeared. I relaxed back into her and closed my eyes. Her hands lightly traced the muscles in my arms, travelling down until they rested on my hands. God,_ Bella, I wish I could be what you deserved. I wish the thought of telling you my darkest secrets didn't make me want to be physically sick. _

I sighed as I watched the perfection of our hands, moving together, two perfect sides of the same coin. Her head gently nestled into my shoulder and her smell wafted over me, igniting my body as usual. I kissed her gently, relief flooding through me as my lips met hers. This afternoon had been uncomfortable, and I hated feeling distanced from her, but now she was here, with me, where she belonged.

I pulled her to me, losing myself in her, hiding the parts of myself I didn't want her to see. I breathed her in - her scent, her essence - drawing it into me in the hope it would melt away the stench of my mistakes. If only I'd met her earlier, before it all happened - she could have saved me, I was certain of it. Could she still save me? I seriously hoped so.

She started touching me, and suddenly, anything seemed possible. Involuntarily, my hands tightened around her, claiming her as mine. Every piece of skin she touched sighed under her caress. I drew her to me and kissed her, filling my senses with her, basking in the comfort and peace only she could provide. She returned my passion, and our kiss deepened, and I knew that, eventually, I would tell her everything - every shameful anecdote, every horrendous detail. I would tell her and accept whatever judgement she made.

But not tonight. Tonight I needed her to love me, unconditionally.

She pulled away, breathless. "Edward, when will Alice be home?"

I trailed my hands over her back, memorizing every curve. "She rang earlier to say she wouldn't be home until late. Something about having some dictation to catch up on at the office?"

"What the hell is dictation?"

I couldn't keep my mouth off her any longer, and I leaned in to suckle her neck. "I really don't care."

"So, we're alone?"

I ran my nose along her jugular, feeling the growing intensity of her pulse. "It would seem that way. Why, what did you have in mind?"

She stood up, pulling me to my feet and gazing up at me. _Oh, Jesus, I could swim around in those eyes forever._ I started leading her to the bedroom, but she stopped me.

She pulled me back in front of her and ran her hands down my arms. "Stay," she ordered softly. _Christ, she could tell me to jump off the Empire State Building in that voice and I would happily become a smudge on the pavement below._

She took a step back from me and started peeling off her clothing, piece by excruciating piece. As each garment hit the floor, her eyes became more intense, and I understood what she was doing – she was laying herself bare to me, physically and emotionally. She was peeling away her layers and sharing herself with me. She was apologizing and begging me to love her, despite what had been left unsaid. My eyes clouded with emotion, and in that moment, I had never, and would never, love anything more than I loved her.

Finally she stood in front of me, naked and glorious, love blazing in her eyes, and I willingly followed her example. I pulled off my T-shirt and dropped it on the floor, silently telling her everything I desperately wanted to communicate, but lacked the courage to say - _Bella, I'm not a perfect man, please understand that. I will never be perfect, but I will always try to be worthy of you. _ I unclasped my jeans and peeled them off, throwing them on top of hers - _I have participated in so much debauchery, caused so much humiliation, to myself and others. Please forgive me. _ I pulled down my boxers and stood, exposed and trembling in front of her - _Please know that you are everything to me – my life, my love_ – _forever_.

She reached out and placed her hand over my fragile heart. A flurry of emotions passed over her face, and I placed my hand over hers, desperately willing her to understand everything she meant to me.

"Edward," she said so reverently that I have never loved hearing my name more. "I promise I will tell you...everything."

My heart exploded. "I know you will," I said, simply.

"And you'll tell me everything..."

"Yes."

"And it won't matter..."

"Not at all."

I pulled her to me then and moaned her name as our bodies melded to each other. I kissed her deeply, caressing every piece of skin I could reach. She ran her hands over my chest and abdomen, before reaching behind me and feeling the breadth of my shoulders and back. My body ignited under her hands, thrilling to every touch and caress. She gently pushed me down onto the piano stool, and kneeled down as she rolled a condom onto me. I reached out and touched her face, pulling her back to my mouth as she straddled me.

"Bella," I said, unable to deny my desperation for her any longer, "love me...please."

Her eyes filled with emotion, and she wiped the moisture from my eyes as she lowered herself onto me. We both breathed heavily as she took all of me into her, every part of me becoming one with her - mind, body and soul. Our eyes locked as we started moving together, thrusting against each other with gentle intensity. Our bodies fit together perfectly, knowing exactly what the other needed. Our hips rocked against each other, coaxing one another to the edge of pure ecstasy, and the small room echoed with a symphony of sighs and moans, and passionate whispers.

"Oh, God, Edward...I love you..."

"Bella...Jesus, my beautiful, glorious Bella...I love you so much..."

In the time that we had been together, we had made love, and we had fucked furiously, but this was beyond anything I had felt with her. This wasn't about satisfying desires, it was about claiming our other half, saying things with our bodies that we weren't yet able to express with our words, and it was mind-blowing.

I hugged her desperately as I slid in and out of her, groaning loudly as she softly moaned my name over and over again. Every breath that rasped out of my lungs told her how much I loved her, and I threw my head back as I felt a familiar pressure building within me. God, I needed her so much – always. I could no longer imagine my life without her. She was my life now.

My thrusts became harder and more urgent, dragging us both to a level of ecstasy we had never experienced before. She started pushing down on my length as her walls tightened around me, gripping me fiercely as I fought to hold on to my control, desperate to feel her release before I allowed my own. I kissed her passionately as I felt her spasm around me. She grasped my hair and I bellowed her name loudly as my own climax ripped through me.

I brought her face to mine and kissed her deeply as our bodies shuddered with the after-shocks of our passion, and in that perfect moment, nothing else in the world, past or present, could ever tear us apart.

***

**APOV**

It was morning. I was in my office. I wasn't wearing panties. What the FUCK?

I looked around. The clock said it was five a.m. I groaned.

Suddenly, I heard light snoring. My head whipped around, looking for the source. My brain groaned with confusion. I was completely alone.

I stood up and felt a sharp twinge between my legs as I tried to walk.

_Oh, dear-tiny-dimpled-baby-Jesus-in-a-Jolly-Jumper, I remember now - Jasper!_

Last night's events flooded back to me, starting with Dr. McSo-you-think-my-voice-is-fuck-hot-in-person-just-wait-til-you-hear-the-uber-concentrated-sex-voice-I-ooze-over-the-phone ordering me to remove my panties and rub myself silly. Then I returned the favor, revelling in the power my words had over him when he screamed my name as he came.

Then we had talked all night about anything and everything, occasionally pausing to encourage each other to new heights of shit-hot-self-pleasure, until finally, we had fallen asleep. I smiled as the memories played in my head, and I struggled to control the fire that ignited in my body at the mere thought of the incredible man snoring softly to himself on the other end of the phone-line.

Jesus. The way he made me feel was beyond insane. I mean, my physical reaction to him was crazy enough, but then, when we started talking, he just mesmerized me. His intellect, his humor, his insight – he was my perfect man - and he understood me and stimulated me on so many levels that my brain ached trying to comprehend the enormity of our connection.

I smiled to myself as I listened to him continue imitating a baby band-saw over the speaker phone. I could almost picture him, slumped over his desk, his hair looking like someone had raped him, his shirt open, revealing his magnificent muscles in all their glory. His pants, slightly askew, giving me the most tantilizing glimpse of his impressive morning-wood.

_*Sigh* Best mental image EVER._

I walked over to my desk and leaned over the speaker-phone. "Jasper?" I whispered gently. I heard him snuffle briefly before the snoring continued. "Jasper, baby, wake-up."

He groaned and mumbled in his dreamy state. "Hmmm...Mom, I don't wanna go to school today..."

I giggled softly. _God, could he BE more adorable._ I put on my best Jewish accent and bellowed into the speaker. "Dr Hale?! Oh my gawwwd!! Why is your shmekel hanging out! Oy, you're half naked! Thank Gawd my Carol isn't here to see this! Police! Someone call the police!!"

I heard a huge commotion and something that sounded remarkably like a fuck-hot therapist falling out of his chair in surprise and horror. "What? Mrs. Gruber? Wait, let me explain..." I giggled like a maniac. "Alice?" he said, incredulous. "Jesus, woman, don't scare me like that!"

"Sorry baby, I just wanted to see what it would be like for you to wake up with another woman. Strangely, I'm ok with it."

"Oh, really? You think it's so ridiculous that Mrs. Gruber and I could get it on? She's a damn handsome woman, I'll have you know." I snorted a little. He growled in response. "Alice...don't you dare get me turned on again, for the love of God. My penis will need a damn skin graft if I stroke it anymore."

I got my laughing under control enough to register the aching pain I felt as my pink-bits swelled in reaction to his white-hot voice. "Oh...yeah...I see what you mean."

I heard him move closer to the speaker and I did the same. "I had an amazing time last night, Alice," he breathed.

"Oh, God, Jasper, I've never experienced anything like it."

"So, I guess that means you might want to do it again sometime?"

_Was he fucking kidding me?_ "Um...well, I guess so, if I've got nothing better to do, I SUPPOSE I could force myself to endure spending more time with you. I mean, really, I feel sorry for you because you're an appallingly unattractive man with limited intellect and a complete lack of appeal, but hey, I will sacrifice my valuable time to make you happy."

He chuckled and my poor over-wrought girl-parts begged me to hang up the phone and give them a fucking break. "Spending more time with you would make me very happy, Alice," he said softly, and I could almost see the self-satisfied smirk on his face as he dialed up his fuck-hot-sex-voice to eleven in order to purposefully torture me. "Can I see you tonight?"

_Fuck yes! Tonight, tomorrow - morning, noon or night – whenever you want Dr. McI'll-be-counting-the-hours-until-I-can-once-again-bask-in-your-shit-hot-splendor. _"I suppose it's possible." I danced around my desk like an idiot, shaking my booty like Beyonce and grinning like a lunatic. My demented mind conjured up an image of Jasper doing exactly the same thing, and I bit down on my hand to stifle the hysterical giggle threatening to explode out of me.

I heard a strangled noise from the other end of the phone before he said, "Bye Alice, I'll call you later. Nice booty-dance by the way."

_What the...? Fucking know-it-all._

***

I raced home, quickly showering and dressing before plonking down at the dining table and ordering a celebratory "Alice Just Had the Best Sex of Her Life with a Disembodied Voice and Her Very Own Hands" breakfast. It had just arrived, and I was devouring a particularly tasty piece of sausage when Edward and Bella emerged from the bedroom.

_Oh, Jesus._ As if it wasn't bad enough when the whole penthouse reeked of their fucking-like-wild-monkeys sex vibes, now the sickly-sweet smell of true love wafted around them like a moving cloud of cotton candy.

But as gross as it was, I was happy for them. They both deserved this. When they started getting together, against my better judgement, I was sure their unresolved issues would tear them apart – and yet, here they were this morning, love radiating from them in thick, slightly nauseating waves that made me joyful and envious in equal measure. I could only hope that Jasper and I would one day have what they had. The thought sent a thrill through my whole body and massive jolt of contentment pulsed through me. I suddenly felt like I would explode with the force of it. Life was good, and I needed to express that to the two people I loved most in this world.

"Good morning beautiful people!" I chirped as I got up to hug them fiercely.

"Fuck, Alice, OW!" Edward whined. Bella didn't complain about my vice-like hug, but did rub her arm absently when I released her.

I looked at them seriously. "Guys, have I told you lately that I love you? Have I told you there's no-one above you? Fill my heart with gladness...take away my sadness. Ease my troubles, that's what you do..."

Edward laughed. "Darling sister, did you happen to pop a whole stack of ecstasy this morning by any chance? Not that I'm complaining about you quoting Van Morrison first thing in the morning, but you've now said about five sentences without once using the word 'fuck'. Are you feeling ok?"

I hugged him again and smiled to myself when he whimpered in pain. "God, I just love you guys, you know? I so happy you're happy, because, well, I love you...so much."

Edward pulled away and looked at me with fear in his eyes. "Ok...stop it Alice. You're being too nice, too normal, and waaaaay too non-sweary. What's wrong? Are you dying?" He dropped his voice to a whisper, "Is it cancer?"

I giggled and it came out more strident than I planned. Even to my ears I sounded like a deranged hyena on helium. Edward and Bella looked at each other with concern.

_Ok, Alice, settle down. You do NOT want these two chuckle-heads to know that the reason you're all rainbows and bunnies this morning is because you and Jasper are being...intimate with each other. They will tease you mercilessly and you'll never live it down, ok?_

_Ok, so, how do I play this?_

_Just settle down and make polite conversation with them – maybe throw in a few swear words to throw them off the trail. They're so damn wrapped up in each other they'll lose interest in you soon enough. Just don't mention Jasper._

_Right. Yes. Good plan._

"JASPER AND I TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY MADE OUT IN HIS OFFICE AND THEN LATER HE CALLED ME AND TOOK ME TO HEAVEN AND BACK WITH THE MOST FUCKAWESOME PHONESEX EVER TO OCCUR IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!!!"

I clapped my hands over my mouth in horror and stopped breathing.

_Fuck. That was sooo not the plan._

Edward frowned at me. "I'm sorry honey, I don't speak crazy. Could you please repeat that?"

"Never mind," I squeaked and went back to continue my breakfast. Bella shot a questioning look at me that I quickly ignored. I cleverly diverted her attention with a particularly large plate of glazed donuts. She grabbed one quickly and sat down next to me as she attacked it violently.

_Alright, she's distracted – settle the fuck down and talk about business. You do still have a job to do you know, and you'll never get anything done if you don't stop thinking about Jasper and his mind-numbing hotness. Fucking focus Alice, for fuck's sake. _

_Right. __Fucking focusing, and NOT focussing on fucking. *clench*_

"Ok you two," I began, trying to keep my voice calm as images of Dr. Mc I'll-be-calling-you-in-a-few-hours-and-probably-give-you-a-massive-crotchsplosion-merely-by-saying-your-damn-name floated through my head. "We need to talk about what's going to be happening to Team Cullen over the next few weeks, because the day after tomorrow marks the beginning of the huge media blitz I have planned to plug the hell out of Edward's new album – Work in Progress. It's being released in exactly four weeks, four days and twelve hours at the official launch party to end all launch parties."

Bella raised her eyebrows at Edward. "Cullen, when exactly am I going to be allowed to listen to this mysterious album of yours?"

I punched him hard in the arm. "Edward! You haven't let Bella hear the album? What the hell is wrong with you?"

He rubbed his arm and grimaced. "Jesus Alice, would you PLEASE stop hurting me!" He looked quickly at Bella and then back to me. "Look, I didn't want to force the damn thing on her, and quite frankly...well...she never asked."

Bella's mouth gaped. "A lady shouldn't HAVE to ask to hear her rock-God's latest album, Cullen. A lady should have been offered a discreet fucking listen!"

Edward smirked at her. "You're absolutely right, Swan - a lady should have been offered a listen. However, you're not a lady are you?"

Bella growled and started throwing donuts at him before chasing him around the room and slapping him on the ass. "Oh, you are so very dead, Asstard!! You're the fucking Mayor of Deadsville!!" Edward giggled like a five year old.

_Christ on a cracker. When did my big brother turn into such a girl?_

Still, it was nice to see him happy. After everything he'd been through in the past few years, I couldn't help but smile at the person he now seemed to be. I giggled as Bella caught him in a head-lock and started dragging him around the living room.

"Ow, Bella! Shit, woman!"

"You know what you need to say, douche bag. Say it, and I'll let you go."

He chuckled and grabbed her around the waist before hoisting her up like she weighed nothing and throwing her down on the couch. "You're a fly to me, Swan. A gnat. A tiny, buzzing annoyance..."

He gurgled as Bella reached over and grabbed him by the balls. "You were saying, sweetheart?" She squeezed and he fell to his knees.

"Oh, shit," he wheezed. "You're a Goddess, Bella, you're a perfect, ball-crunching Goddess." She leaned her face down to his and grabbed his hair with her other hand. "And...?"

His eyes blazed into hers and I could tell that she was turning him on. _Fucking gross._ "You're a lady, Swan, ok?" he breathed. "You're MY lady. Happy now?"

She let him go and he got slowly to his feet, panting and stalking her as she ducked behind the couch. He lunged for her but she sprang up onto the couch and jumped onto his back, wrapping herself around him like a giant octopus. He started laughing and she joined in. "Say it again!" she ordered through her giggles, "say that I'm your lady again!"

He started dancing around with Bella clinging to him like a limpet. "You're my laaady," he sang in a horrible Canadian accent, emulating Celine Dion, "And I am your maaaaan. Whenever you reach for me, I'll do all that I caaaaaan."

Bella screamed and jumped off him. "Arrggghh! Stop! Jesus, you KNOW Celine Dion freaks me out." He smirked infuriatingly and pulled her in for a quick kiss.

I had to hand it to them – they were pretty perfect together.

The both giggled and flopped down at the table, continuing their breakfast as if nothing had happened.

Edward turned to me and raised his eyebrow. _Not good_. When my brother raised his eyebrow at me it could only mean one thing – he was about to say something wildly inappropriate.

I gave him a low-level glare, hoping to dissuade his train of thought. He ignored it completely.

_Shit, my glare is on the fritz and I have no idea how to get it back._

"So, Alice," he said, like the smug bastard he is, "how was your session with Jasper? Did you rape the poor man on his mahogany desk?"

A chunk of toast flew out of my mouth as I coughed violently. "No, I didn't rape him on his desk, smartass," I spat defensively.

_Did I think about it a couple of times? Yes. Did I actually do it? No._

"So tell us all about it," Edward said calmly as he wiped toast-spit off the front of his shirt. "Did you find him 'helpful'?"

I coughed again, carefully keeping my mouth closed. _Helpful is one word you could use I suppose._ I could feel a blush rising up my body as I remembered the amount of pleasure Dr. McNever-underestimate-the-healing-power-of-a-fuckawesome-orgasm had perpetrated on me in the past twenty-four hours. I shrugged and tried to keep the excited squeak out of my voice. "He was okay."

Edward chuckled. "Come on, Alice. You can't sit there and tell me that having a session with the man you have been obsessing over for the last three years was just 'okay'. Details, please, little sister."

"Edward, there's nothing to tell. Jasper was nice," - _to touch, smell, lick, grope_ - "very professional" - _pausing briefly to dump me as a patient before making all my pink-bits explode in mind-blowing pleasure_ - "and I think he'll be able to help me a lot" - _by thrusting his gorgeous rock-hard cock into me until every piece of anxiety I've ever had in my whole life disintegrates in an explosion of unparalleled ecstasy_.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Jesus, Alice, could you be more boring?"

I smiled to myself. _Oh, big brother, if only you knew._

I suddenly got goosebumps all over me and turned to see Bella staring at me. I had the sudden and irrational feeling that she could psychically hear my less-than-honest thoughts. I decided to test my theory. _"Bella,"_ I thought to myself, _"if you can hear me, cough three times."_ She coughed twice. _Nope, definitely not psychic._ She narrowed her eyes at me and smiled. _Fuck, did she just fake me out?_ A shudder ran through me.

_Ok Alice, get this conversation back on track._

"Alright you two, let's just concentrate for a minute please. We have a lot to get through this morning and I have to finalize all the arrangements for the promo-tour this afternoon, so listen up."

They both looked at me expectantly, munching quietly on their breakfast.

"Right. So, day after tomorrow, Edward – you and Bella will fly out to San Francisco where you will begin personal appearances, unplugged performances, and TV, radio, and print interviews. Bella, on this trip you will be acting as Edward's publicist because I won't be joining the tour until the third week, so you two will need to keep it strictly professional while in public – is that clear?"

They looked at each other and giggled. "I'm serious guys - I do NOT want to see papp-snaps of you two screwing like bunnies on the Golden Gate Bridge, okay? Just keep your damn hands off each other during business hours and then you can release your inner-pervs at night, alright?"

They stared at each other and the electricity that was passing between them made my hair stand on end. "Yes, Alice," they said in freaky unison.

_Yeah right, I'll believe it when I see it._

I continued. "From San Francisco you will travel to Seattle, Minneapolis, Chicago, Detroit, Boston, New York, Washington DC, Dallas, Phoenix, and San Diego, before finishing the blitz back here in LA, two days before the official release of the album and aforementioned massive party. Questions?"

Bella's hand shot up. I pointed to her. "Yes, ex-homeless person in the front."

She took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly in an effort to calm herself before she spoke. "Alice, can I just say that I love you, and I would like to thank you so much for hiring me, because I've never been anywhere or seen anything, and now I'm going to be travelling all over the country, in a plane – which I am fucking psyched about – with the most incredible man on the planet, and I'm overwhelmingly fucking grateful to both of you, and if I wasn't so damn happy at the moment about the fact that I have two of the coolest people ever to have lived as part of my tiny, fucked-up world, I would probably be sobbing like a screamer at one of Edward's concerts right about now." She came over and wrapped her arms around me, and I fought the urge to cry.

I hugged her back. I still found it hard to remember what it was like before Bella became part of our lives. How the hell did we cope without her? How did I cope without the most loving, loyal, potty-mouthed friend a girl could ever ask for? I must have been bored out of my brain. "Sweetie, I keep forgetting how new this all is for you, and I'm just so glad that you're here with us." I looked down and tried to control my emotions. "But please know that you have given us just as much, if not more than we've given you. You have completed our family, and I can never, ever tell you how grateful I am that Edward found you." I hugged her again and sighed with contentment.

"Ditto," Edward rasped from across the table, and I could see his eyes were bright with emotion too. Bella walked over to him and he pulled her down onto his lap before taking her face in his hands and kissing her deeply. I couldn't help but smile as they shamelessly devoured each other's mouths at the breakfast table. They looked like two lovers who were saying goodbye, never to see each other again.

I was startled from my thoughts when my phone rang. "This is Alice."

"Hey Alice, it's Bree."

"Hey Bree, do you have all the itineraries locked down?"

"Yep, pretty much. Just waiting on confirmation from Jay Leno and the Today show before booking the final couple of flights."

"Great, I'll be in shortly and then we'll start putting together the Media Kits for Bella to take with her."

"Ok, great. Did you want me to have a go at writing a press release for you?"

I almost laughed down the phone. Bree's press releases were...unique. She tended to write them like she was a fourteen year-old on Facebook. I could just imagine - "OMG! The new Edward Cullen album is sooooooo good. Totes made of awesomeness, and how HAWT is he? IKR? BTW it's now available EVERYWHERE, so go buy it, girlfriends so we can all squeeee together!!"

_Actually, that's not a bad idea for a marketing campaign. The Screamers loved Facebook and I could do a whole Event Invitation thingy to whip them up into a frenzy before I...._

"Alice? Are you still there?"

I took a deep breath and glared at the phone. She whimpered. "Um...you're, like, glaring at me right now, aren't you?"

"Uh huh – and why do you think that is Bree?" I seethed.

"Um, because I interrupted an important fucking inner monologue?"

"You got it in one."

"Oh, ok. Sorry."

I sighed. _Throw the girl a goddamn bone, Cullen, at least she's trying_. "Bree, I would love you to have a go at the press release. Give me a buzz when you've finished it, ok?"

I heard her squeal with delight. "Oh, ok, Alice, thanks!! Talk to you soon!"

I hung up. Edward and Bella were still sucking face. I considered interrupting them when the phone rang again. I picked it up quickly.

"Jeez, Bree, you work fast. Hit me with it, baby."

"What exactly did you want me to hit you with...baby?" I dropped the phone.

_Fuck. It was Dr. McScorching-hot-sex-God. _

I could hear him chuckling as I picked up my phone and brought it to my ear. I glanced quickly at the kissy-twins – they hadn't noticed.

"Baby, did you just drop the phone - again?"

I blushed. "No."

He laughed in the sexiest way possible and I crossed my legs to stop my girl parts from jumping out of my body and throwing a ticker-tape parade in his honor.

"I didn't mean to startle you," he breathed, "I just needed to hear your voice."

_Oh my God. Does he not know what he does to me when he says shit like that? If this is going to be something that he does regularly, he damn-well needs to ring ahead and make sure I am (a) not in the vicinity of people who will witness me exploding into an Alice-shaped piled of goo, and (b) not wearing any panties that will be ruined by afore-mentioned goo._

I panted and struggled to form a sentence. "Ah..oh...uh...huh?" _Right, so apparently consonants were beyond my capabilities at the moment – excellent. _

"So, what are you wearing?" The smooth honey of his voice oozed out of the phone so thickly I considered trying to spread it on my toast._ Hmmmm....Toastsper. _

I swallowed and tried to breathe normally. "Well, _Bree_, it's not really a good time to talk about that."

"Oh, you're not alone?"

"No."

"Who's with you? Edward?"

"Uh huh."

"And Bella?"

"That's right."

"Hmmm...this is going to be fun."

My breath caught. _What's going to be fun?_ My brain clanged with warning bells as it heard the mischief in his voice. "I'm sorry, what?" I whispered. I heard groaning beside me and looked up to see Bella running her hands through Edward's hair as they continued to plunder each other's mouths.

I stood up, intending to take my phone, and the good Doctor, into the privacy of my bedroom, but Jasper's voice stopped me. "Alice, sit down."

I was torn. How could he possibly know if I left the room? "Alice, if you leave that room I will not be showing you my cock anytime in the near future." I sat down immediately. "Good girl. Now I want you to listen to my voice and act as if you're talking to your assistant – do you understand?"

I inhaled sharply. _What's going on in that gorgeous, giant brain of his?_ I decided to play along and find out. "Yes, Bree, of course."

"Good." He paused and my heart thudded uncomfortably in anticipation. _What the hell was he doing, and why the hell did EVERYTHING he said sound like sex?_ "Alice, I need to see you – desperately. I'd like to come over there right now and take that delectable mouth of yours in mine, but unfortunately, I have other commitments this morning that prevent me from doing that."

My breathing started to speed up and every cell in my body started to buzz. "I'm sorry to hear that, Bree. In fact, that is the most tragic fucking thing I've ever heard."

He chuckled and continued. "Yes, I agree. So, Alice, I will see you later – tonight. You will come to my apartment. You will be wearing a trenchcoat, high heels, and nothing else. Do you understand?"

_Oh, dear, tiny, chubby baby Jesus._ "Yes," I said, desperately trying to keep my voice normal.

"I will leave the door unlocked. You will arrive at 6.30pm precisely. You will enter and walk straight down the hall and into the living room. Do you understand?"

My voice was barely a whisper. "Yes."

"I will be sitting in an armchair, watching you – waiting for you. You will stand in front of me and remove your trenchcoat...slowly."

I closed my eyes. "Yes."

"You will climb on top of me with your knees apart. I will slide down in my seat until your magnificent pussy is hovering above me."

_Oh, oh, oh, fuck..."_Yes."

"You will hold perfectly still while I bring my lips up to you and start to taste you, running my tongue through your delicious wetness."

Ungh...everything started to throb. I gripped the table desperately, trying not to pass out and fall off my chair. My voice came out in a strangled wheeze. "Yes."

"I will lick you hungrily, savoring every drop of your sweet juices, and you will squirm, desperate for me to give you more."

"Oh, God yes, give me more...please." I could feel my voice becoming thick with desire, and I looked quickly at Bella and Edward. They were looking into each other's eyes.

_Still ignoring me. Thank, Christ._

"Eventually, I will take your clit in my mouth, Alice, and I will suck it roughly as your orgasm builds steadily inside you. As you start to throb, you have permission to grab my hair and shove me further into your delectable folds, and then, when I insert two fingers inside you and start to thrust, you may moan uncontrollably."

"Dear God, yes." I was barely aware that Edward and Bella were turning slowly towards me, confusion crossing their faces.

"I'm going to continue thrusting and sucking, Alice, until I bring you to the brink, and then I'm going to keep you there, hovering right on the edge of ecstasy, feeling you tighten around my fingers, desperate for me to push you over the edge.

"Please, Jesus, yes...um...Bree."

"And then, when you think you will go insane with unfulfilled pleasure, I am going to thrust into your g-spot and suck your clit so hard that you will scream my name as a mind-blowing orgasm rips through your body, forcing you to clench powerfully around my fingers as I groan with pleasure."

"Oh GOD, YES, BREE...YES!!"

I gasped. Bella and Edward were looking at me, frowning. I cleared my throat and tried to compose my lust-drunk face. "Um...yes Bree, that is the most awesome press-release you have ever written. Um...good work."

They looked at each other and shook their heads. _That's right, just ignore crazy Alice and go about your business._ I stood up quickly and strode into the bedroom, fuming at the chuckling maniac on the other end of the phone.

"Jasper Cocksucker Hale," I seethed, "that was completely and utterly inappropriate. You almost made me orgasm in front of my brother for fuck's sake! Do you have any idea how many shades of wrong that is? Aren't you supposed to be helping me with my problems, not giving me new and improved hang-ups?"

He stopped laughing. "Alice, first of all, technically, I'm not your therapist - but I would very much like to help you - and second of all, why do you think I did that to you?"

"To embarrass me into an early grave?"

"No, but I did want you to experience not being totally in control in front of your brother. You have major control issues, and I think you need to get used to someone else calling the shots for a while."

"Oh, and you think you're the one to do that, do you?"

"Yes, I do."

"Hale, I'm not sure who the hell you have been dating for the past few years..."

"You know very well I haven't been dating anyone...."

"Whatever...my point is, I am NOT the type of girl you can just push around and give orders to. I am Alice Cullen for fuck's sake. I make grown men quake in their boots. I can make small children run screaming with a single glance, and if you think for one SECOND that you are going to be able to control me...."

"Alice, stop talking."

"Alrighty then."

_What the hell? _My brain seemed to be plugged directly into the sound of his voice – and I didn't even care. _ Am I actually ENJOYING him telling me what to do? What the fuck is that all about?_

"Alice, do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Do you think I would ever do anything to hurt you?"

"No."

"Then trust me when I say that you WILL do exactly what I tell you, when I tell you to do it, and in return, I will help you with your...issues...and will keep your body in a permanent state of arousal. Is that agreeable with you?"

_Oh, hell._ He had me panting so hard I had to sit on the edge of my bed to avoid my traitorous legs dumping my Jasper-whipped-ass onto the damn floor. "Yes Dr. Hale, " I breathed softly.

"Good. Now, I have patients arriving shortly and you have a publicity tour to organize, so I'll see you later. When will I see you, Alice?"

"6.30pm – your apartment."

"What will you be wearing?

"A trenchcoat and high heels."

"And what else?"

"Nothing."

"Very good. Have a nice day, baby."

"Bye, Jasper."

I dropped the phone and put my head in my hands. _Fucking hell._ _This man owned me – completely owned me, without question, without reason – and fuck me gently, I was loving it._

I grabbed my purse and sprinted toward the elevator. I waved to Edward as I passed him, but screeched to a halt when I smacked into Bella. She was standing right in front of the elevator buttons, a wry smile on her face.

"Hello my bestie," she said in a voice that I imagined she would use if she ever decided to pull people's finger-nails out for a living. "Where are you going in such a hurry?"

I considered my answer. She glared at me. _FUCK_! _That's why my glare is MIA, Bella __has__ stolen it._ I squirmed uncomfortably under her gaze. "Um...I have to go and buy a trenchcoat and get an emergency Brazillian before I head into work."

She reached over slowly and pressed the elevator call-button. "I see," she said calmly. _Jesus...I hate calm Bella. It's just wrong and unnatural. _ "Why don't we all meet up later for dinner?" she said innocently, cocking her head to the side.

My mind scrambled for excuses. It ran in circles, desperately looking for something, anything clever to say. "Oh, I'd love to... but I can't...um...I have some very important...um...dictation...to..ah...do." The elevator doors opened and I stepped quickly inside.

Bella's arm darted out and stopped the doors from closing as she leaned into me. "You and I are going to have a conversation about this 'dictation' of yours when you get home, little one," she whispered. "If you think you can make out with Dr. McHottie in his office and then have the most, and I quote, "fuck-awesome phone sex ever to occur in the history of the world", and NOT tell your best friend all the horny details, you are seriously fucking mistaken." I gaped at her. "Oh, Alice, don't look so damn surprised. Your brother may not speak crazy, but I sure as shit do." She removed her arm and the doors started to close. "Have a good time, honey. I'll expect to hear all about the smutty goodness when you get home."

I smiled and shook my head. She owned me too, and I couldn't have been happier. "I love you, Bella Swan."

She waved as the door came together. "Love you too nympho! Talk to you later!!"

I sighed as the elevator hummed its way down to the lobby. _This was going to be an interesting couple of days._

As I exited the hotel, I barely noticed the intense stranger who scrutinized my progress out the door, and I didn't register the small, bitter smirk that passed across his face as he watched me leave. If I had, then perhaps what happened next could have been avoided - perhaps I could have stopped him, or warned Bella, or called the cops – and if I had managed to do any ONE of those things, perhaps, just perhaps, things would have been different, and the safe, happy cocoon that Bella, Edward and I had built around each other, wouldn't have been completely and irrevocably destroyed.

***

**Author Notes**

_***Peeks out from behind laptop nervously***_

**Ok...so...um...yeah...next chapter is going to be rough, I won't lie to you, but I promise, I will make it all worthwhile in the end.**

**Please leave me some love – I'm a bit delicate after all that.**

**Love you all,**

**L x**


	17. Unforgivable

**Chapter Notes**

**First of all, to every one who has been reading, reviewing and supporting this story in any way, shape or form, know that I love each and every one of you– deeply, irrationally and with a large amount of inappropriate touching.**

**I know a lot of you are nervous about this chapter – me too – but please know that sometimes you need to hurt those you love, and I love Asstard and Piss-Girl so very, very much.**

**To my beloved Beta, friend, and all round awesome babe, Catty-Wan – You are my sun, my moon, my dirty-minded soul-mate and my one-woman cheer squad. I couldn't do any of this without you.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns these characters, I just give them enormous therapists' bills.**

* * *

****WARNING: This chapter contains a violent and non-consenual sexual act. If this is a trigger for you, please read with caution.****

* * *

**Chapter 17 - Unforgivable**

**BPOV**

I looked down at the beautiful, shiny object in Edward's hand. My breath stopped and my head swam with excitement. He held it out to me and I fingered it gently, reveling in its smooth curves. "Edward," I breathed, giddy with excitement, "it's beautiful, really, but are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"Bella, I've never been more sure of anything in my life." I saw the love in his eyes and my thundering heart ached in my chest.

"Edward, you know I'm yours, don't you? Whether you give this to me or not, I'll always be yours."

He leaned into me and kissed my lips lovingly. I melted as his mouth moved to my ear and he whispered, "Please Bella, take it...you have no idea how happy it would make me to see you with it, reminding you of everything you mean to me."

I stroked his cheek and smiled. "Of course I'll accept it. Thank you, I love it – I love you."

He kissed me quickly before handing the new iPod Touch back to the sales assistant with his credit card. "Ring it up please."

The young man smiled. "Of course, Mr. Cullen. Would you like me to download your albums onto it?"

Edward smiled. "Yes, thank you, and add this one too please." He handed over an unlabeled disc and raised his eyebrows at me. The sales assistant left as a sexy smirk spread across my man's gorgeous face

I gaped. "No...that is NOT what I think it is."

"Maybe..."

"Not the infamous this-album-is-so-top-secret-I'm-only-letting-deaf-people-listen-to-it?"

He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair. "I stand by my excuse that you never actually asked to hear it."

"Yeah, yeah...you keep telling yourself that, buddy, if it makes you sleep better at night."

He laughed again and reached out, snaking a hand around my waist and pulling me against his body. "Well, you can hear it now," he breathed as he planted a soft kiss on my neck, his warm breath causing me to shudder with delight. "You can listen to it anytime you like. All you have to do is insert those pert little earphones into your delectable ears...and press play." My blood exploded as his sweet air grazed my skin, and I stifled an embarrassingly loud groan.

"Hmmmm..." I said thoughtfully as he trailed feather-light kisses down my neck and across my collar bone, "is it wrong that I suddenly find that slick little iPod sexier with every passing second?"

His warm lips ghosted the skin on my neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. "Swan, I know you're talking, but all I can hear is blah, blah, blah, Edward is a fucking legend, blah, blah." I felt his tongue gently lick my jugular and my blood erupted through my veins.

I gasped and grabbed his hair, roughly pulling him away from my blazing neck. He grunted and smirked again. "Bella...are you trying to make my pants explode with the power of a VERY aroused Godzilla? Because he's seriously about to bust out of his denim restraints and cause some major fucking damage."

I stepped into him and ground my hips into his erection-monster, smiling as I watched his eyes flutter with pleasure. "Ooh, tough words, big guy," I breathed as my hand pushed between our bodies and squeezed his arousal through his jeans. He closed his eyes and hissed with pleasure.

"Woman," he warned quietly, "unless you want me to throw you down on this counter and make you scream my name until you lose your voice, I would suggest you step away from the enraged cock."

I kissed him and stepped back as I saw the sales assistant returning. "Baby, you can make me scream all you want later," I whispered. "Maybe we could role-play? You be you, and I'll be a screamer."

He groaned in disgust and stepped away from my body. "And there we have it folks – the image that instantly melts the world's hardest wood."

I giggled as the sales assistant handed me the iPod.

"Ma'am, I believe this is yours."

I smiled to myself.

_He just called me Ma'am. Awesome._

I pocketed the device quickly, resisting the urge to listen to it immediately. I knew what sort of reaction my body had to hearing Edward sing, and unless I wanted to be arrested for indecent public squelching, I would have to wait until we were in a more private location before allowing myself to revel in the beauty of his voice.

Edward signed the credit card receipt quickly before we murmured our thanks and left the store.

As we walked down the street, Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and slipped his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. I smiled to myself and mimicked his action, curving my palm around his perfect ass. A self-satisfied smirk spread across his face.

"What's going through that warped mind of yours, Cullen," I inquired playfully.

He stole a look at me from the corner of his eye and the smirk increased, crinkling his face in the most delicious way imaginable. "I was just thinking how great it is to be walking down the street with my incredibly cool and shit-hot girlfriend by my side."

My heart still skipped a beat every time he said the word 'girlfriend'. It was a role in which I never thought I'd find myself, and certainly not with someone as unbelievably mind-blowing as Edward Cullen. I squeezed his awesome ass with my pocket-hand and smiled up at him.

"Well, that's just the nicest thing my hot-assed, man-God boyfriend has said to me all day."

He laughed and pulled me into his arms, ignoring the looks we were getting from passers-by. "Swan, how the hell did I get to be so lucky? I mean, really, this much good fortune should be illegal..." He bent his head to mine and kissed me tenderly. Familiar warmth spread throughout my body and I inhaled deeply, drinking in his unique and beautiful scent. Without thinking about it, my lips started moving against his and my hands floated up and grasped his hair.

My God, he was magnificent. Everyone should be allowed to experience what I was feeling at least once in their lives. I imagined grabbing random women off the street and ordering them to kiss Edward. I could picture their shocked faces as they pulled away, breathless and turned-on beyond all belief. I would simply nod my head enthusiastically and say, "I know, right? He's fucking awesome! And he's mine! Can you believe it?"

I felt his hands tighten on my waist as our mouths opened, and our tongues started moving against each other. I moaned with contentment.

I would never tire of this man's mouth on mine. I would never tire of his hands moving across my body, and I would definitely never tire of that delicious growling sound he made deep in his chest whenever out bodies reacted to one another, recognizing their other half.

He pulled me even closer and we both moaned loudly at the contact.

Suddenly, my spidey sense started prickling up my spine, and I breathlessly pulled away to see a small crowd gathered around us, most of them with camera phones trained on our flushed faces.

Edward's face turned serious and he raised an eyebrow at the onlookers.

"There's nothing to see here folks," he said in his best Alec Guinness/Obi Wan Kenobi voice, waving his hands at them like a deranged David Copperfield. "You can go about your business. Move along."

Nobody moved. If anything, more people stopped to gape at the insane rock-star and his uber-embarrassed girlfriend. I blushed furiously.

_No...not Star Wars quotage...please._

I looked at the gathering crowd – some of them were smiling.

Crap. Please don't let him think he's funny – he'll never stop if he thinks that.

_Oh, come on Swan, admit it, you think the quotage is fucking adorable._

I do not...well, maybe...a bit...

_Yeah, right. Let's see how indifferent you are when he starts channeling a young, hot Harrison Ford._

I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him away quickly.

"Let's go, Han," I said firmly.

"Look, Your Worshipfulness," he said roughly, stumbling after me – _Oh Jesus, here we go_ - , "let's get one thing straight. I take orders from just one person - me."

I glared at him, desperately trying not to smile. "You know you're being an idiot, right?"

He scowled and all my bits started to tingle. "Watch your mouth kid, or you're gonna find yourself floating home." I giggled and pulled him harder. He exhaled in frustration. "No reward is worth this."

"I cannot believe my boyfriend is a Star Wars geek," I giggled, trying to ignore my raging hormones as we approached the hotel.

Edward gasped in horror.

"Maybe you'd like to go back to your cell, your Highness!" he said indignantly.

I snorted. "Edward, stop, people are staring."

He waved at them as I dragged him through the hotel lobby. "Don't worry folks,' he exclaimed loudly to the perplexed patrons, "she'll make point five past lightspeed. She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts. I've made a lot of special modifications myself."

Inexplicably, my girl parts melted with desire at his words.

Damn his geeky-Han Solo-quoting hotness!

I shoved him hard into the elevator and pushed him up against the wall, quickly swiping the pass card for the penthouse and attacking his mouth furiously before the doors had even shut. He responded, crushing me to him and wrapping his arms around my waist. His tongue pushed into my mouth and I accepted it hungrily, tugging his hair hard until I was rewarded with his lust-laden groan.

As we reached the penthouse, the elevator doors opened, releasing our frantic groans into the expansive apartment. He grabbed my ass and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me forward. I started desperately unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it roughly off his shoulders as he set me down on the dining room table.

"Bella," he groaned as he started tugging my jeans off. "I am not going to make it to the bedroom."

I started on his jeans as he ripped off my t-shirt and bra. "Um...yeah...really don't care," I huffed breathlessly.

Suddenly, we were both naked and I watched in awe as he rolled a condom onto himself. Every part of me ached for him, and as he finished I grabbed for him, impatiently. I pushed myself to the edge of the table and he stepped between my legs, wrapping one arm around me and blowing my mind as the other hand found my breasts. I kissed him hungrily, needing to taste him, to have him in me.

"Edward..." I moaned, unable to bear being separated from him for another second.

He pulled me towards him and I gasped as he pushed his entire length into me.

"Oh, God, Bella..."

The emptiness vanished immediately, replaced only by completeness, serenity, and home.

He started sliding in and out, electrifying every cell in my body with pleasure. He devoured my mouth and I groaned loudly, grasping at his glorious body with my own. He pulled away from my mouth, panting hard and gazing at me intensely.

"I love you," he breathed softly.

My heart exploded.

"I know."

* * *

Twenty minutes, one shower and two orgasms later, I walked Edward back to the elevator and kissed him goodbye.

"So, how are you going to spend the next few hours?" he asked, as he stroked my hair.

"Well," I said, tracing his face with my fingertips, "I have an iPod full of sexiness to listen to, so I think I'll go lie back and imagine my gorgeous rock-star boyfriend singing just for me."

He smiled and I could see that he was just a little bit excited about me finally listening to his music. He tried to act cool. "Eh...sounds dull, but if you really WANT to..."

I traced his eyebrows and he sighed and closed his eyes.

"So, I'll see you this afternoon?" I asked softly.

"Yeah, I have a session with Jasper, and then I'm going to head over to the studio to hear the final mixes for the album." He opened his eyes and grimaced at me. "I'd ask you to come with me if I didn't think you'd be catatonic with boredom."

I laughed. As if I could EVER be bored with him by my side. He could read the damn phone book out loud and I'd think it was the most eloquent prose ever written.

"That's okay," I said mildly, "I haven't had any time by myself recently to just chill out, so this will make a nice change."

He gasped theatrically and his face darkened with mock emotion.

"What on earth do you mean by that, Bella?"

I played along. I looked away from him, holding my hand to my head.

"Oh, Edward, you KNOW what I mean...don't make me say it."

He flustered and exhaled sharply. "Oh no...I think I DO know what you're trying to say." He took a deep breath and soldiered on. "You're sick of me, aren't you? You don't want me around anymore. That's what you're trying to say isn't it, Bella? ISN'T IT?!"

I tried not to smile and I railed back at him.

"Yes, that's right Edward! I'm sick of you! There, I said it! I'm sick of your extreme good-lookingness, your ridiculously hot sexaliciousness, and your just plain annoying perfectionismosity."

_Hell yeah, making up words like a pro!_

Edward's bottom lip started to tremble and his breathing became shallow. He started fanning himself with his hands and his voice jumped up two octaves.

"Oh God, are you breaking up with me? Is that what you're trying to say.? Oh, crap, you're, like, totally breaking up with me aren't you. Oh, Jesus, I can't breathe..."

We both burst out laughing then, but a tiny needle of pain punctuated the laughter, and when we both settled down, I said, "Yeah...let's not ever joke about that again. It's really not funny."

He nodded. "I totally agree."

He kissed me quickly, pushed the elevator call button, and stepped inside as the doors opened.

"See you later, beautiful," he said warmly as his face lit up with an achingly beautiful smile

I memorized that smile as the doors started to close. "Yes, you will."

* * *

_God and all the ever-lovin' saints - I have died and gone to heaven._

I was lying on the couch in my robe, lightly dozing and listening to the indescribable brilliance of Edward's music. It was blowing my mind. His lyrics were staggering - poetic and visceral - and his music floated through my brain on a hypnotic ribbon of sound, touring through my imagination and memories, before unraveling and settling in my pleasure center.

I had heard him sing before, and it was toe-curlingly good, but to ONLY hear him, with no other visual distractions, was breathtaking. I mean, I knew why I loved him – I loved him for a million different reasons - for his incandescent range of smiles meant just for me, for the person who saved me and at the same time begged to be saved, for his unparalleled passion and humor and love – but at that moment, I suddenly realized why everyone else loved him.

He was spellbinding.

As I progressed through his albums, I noticed how his music changed over time. His early music was gut-wrenching and violent – harsh chords and stabbing melodies clashed against each other as he growled over the top. I could feel his restlessness, his eagerness for escape and distraction.

His second album was slightly less agitated, less fretful, but the musical styles were more varied, vacillating between turbulent complexity and reflective simplicity. His voice was more grounded, as if the weight of his life had bathed it in stone.

And then I heard his final, yet-to-be-released album – Work in Progress. It resonated with edgy and inconstant longing, but behind the transient fitfulness were the shining major chords of hope, peeking through the surety of his voice, drawing me in and making me smile.

He had recorded this album not long before we had met, and I couldn't help but wonder what his next album would be like. How would our relationship affect his music?

I snickered evilly as I imagined a whole album of songs about, Giney, Godzy and the never-flaccid-wonder-cock.

_Hmmmm...maybe I can convince him to write some pornographic songs just for me._

Suddenly a strong hand clamped roughly over my mouth, shoving me down into the couch and robbing me of my breath as I felt a sharp prick of pain in my throat. My eyes flew open as an all-too-familiar stench settled over my face.

_Oh God, no...NO_!

I screamed into his filthy hand as my eyes registered the large hunting knife he had pressed into my jugular.

"Hello, little Swan," he breathed as my stomach boiled and lurched in horror. "Long time no see..."

* * *

**EPOV**

"Edward, man, it's been too long."

I looked up and smiled at the man who had been my therapist for the past three years.

"Hey Jas...yeah, sorry. My fault completely. I've been busy."

Apart from my sister, Jasper was the closest thing I'd had to a friend before Bella came along. He knew me better than pretty much anyone, and he was the _only_ person to fully understand the depth of my crazy.

Jasper pulled me into a hug and clapped me on the back.

"Hell, yeah, it's your fault. If you didn't call me soon I was going to have to come find you and kick your ass."

I smiled and nodded. "Yep, that's pretty much why I'm here. Didn't want to risk a public ass-kicking."

He pulled me into his office and shut the door. I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Jas, is that a new door?"

He looked quickly at the door and cleared his throat. "Um...yeah...ah...just got it yesterday in fact."

I laughed. "So what was wrong with the old door? Blabbed to the press about the indecent going's on in the office of Doctor Hale?"

He ran his fingers through his hair and laughed nervously. "Ah...something like that."

_Wait, is he fucking blushing?_ _What the hell?_

He gestured for me to sit as he grabbed his notebook and pen and did the same.

"So, Edward," he said quickly, his voice sounding slightly strained, "tell me what's been going on with you recently."

I exhaled slowly. "Jesus, where do I start?"

He smiled warmly. "Well, why don't you start by telling me about Bella."

"You know about Bella?"

He shrugged. "Alice MAY have mentioned her – a few thousand times."

I laughed. "Of course she did."

"They seem to be close?"

"They are. They're like sisters."

"And how do you feel about that?"

I thought for a moment. "I feel...amazed." Jasper raised his eyebrows at me. "Jas, you know I love my sister dearly, and she has ALWAYS been there for me, no matter how fucked up or ungrateful I have been to her, but she's kind of...a force of nature, you know?"

He nodded and swallowed hard. "Oh, I know."

"So I never really expected anyone to love her like I do because, despite the fact that she's a tiny person, she's kind of staggeringly intimidating."

"But Bella isn't scared of her?"

"Strangely, no. I mean my baby sister still manages to scare the shit out of _me_ when she gets her temper up, but Bella? Jas, I don't think that woman is afraid of anything. She's incredible."

He nodded and took some notes before asking, "So how has everything been since you two have been...together? How are your cravings?"

I took a deep breath. "Um...not bad. Alcohol? Fine. Drugs? Fine. Nicotine? Did Alice tell you that I quit?"

He smiled broadly. "No, she didn't. Congrats, man!"

"Thanks. I had one slight slip up but I completely blame an annoyingly endearing British movie star for making me re-lapse." I laughed when Jas threw me his best cut-the-shit-Cullen-you-know-very-well-you-can't-get-away-with-blaming-other-people-for-your-screw-ups-around-me.

_Wow_. _Why have I never noticed how many words Jas can convey with a single look before?_ He's practically Dr. _McWhy-use-one-word-descriptions-of-my-brainy-gazing-to-convey-my-meaning-when-a-dozen-would-be-so-much-cooler._

_Weird – and, impressive._

"Sex?" he asked simply, changing the subject and letting me off the hook.

"Mind blowing," I answered proudly.

He shook his head and laughed. "No, Edward, I meant, how are your sexual cravings?"

"Oh, right. Well..."

_Should I tell him about my insatiable desire for Bella?_ _All day?_ _Every day?_

The Madman chuckled in my head. _Ooh, I wouldn't do that if I were you._

I flipped him the bird and ignored him.

"Um...I seem to crave...um...Bella...sexually...a lot."

The Madman guffawed loudly. _That's the understatement of the decade!_

I took a deep breath. "I mean...A...LOT."

Jas raised an eyebrow at me. "Define 'a lot.'"

I shook my head and exhaled.

Shit, this was embarrassing.

"Okay...um...I wake up? I want her. I look at her in my arms? I want her. She wakes up. I want her. She speaks. I want her. She walks, smiles, breathes? I want her, I want her, I want her. I look at a fucking Scrabble board. I want her."

My words were tumbling out of me faster and faster as my heart rate increased. My hands took on a mind of their own, flailing around like Woody Allen on crack.

"Jesus, I want her all day, every day Jas. I walk around like a fucking human coat rack because I'm sporting permanent wood, and even when I've just had her and the most incredible sex I could ever imagine having with anyone, ever, I want her again! Immediately! All the time! It's like I have a goddamn one track mind because EVERYTHING she does makes me want her.

"The other day? She farted in front of me for the first time, and fuck me if I didn't think it was the sexiest damn thing I'd ever seen! I almost fucking raped her it got me so hot. Christ, what the hell am I going to do if she ever learns to burp the alphabet - my cock will probably explode, decimating most of downtown LA! I feel like I've turned into the world's biggest sexual deviant, Jas. For the love of God, what the hell is happening to me!?"

I panted heavily, looking expectantly at Jasper who was now sporting the biggest shit-eating grin I had ever seen in my life.

"Edward," he said in the voice I knew he reserved for the times when my crazy was getting so large it had started developing its own atmosphere, "listen to me very carefully."

I took in a huge gulp of air and tried to calm myself.

_Jas would tell me how to make it all better._ _Jas always knew what I should do._

"Edward," he said calmly – _Yes? Come on, man, do your giant-brain-therapist-mojo and tell me what the hell is wrong with me!_ - "there's absolutely nothing wrong with you."

I blinked at him.

"Um...Jas, did you not hear ANYTHING I just said to you? Insatiable wanting? Rock-hard coat rack? Pornographic farting? Massive cocksplosion disaster? Did NONE of that register with you?"

He shook his head and smiled. "Edward, what you are experiencing is quite normal for a couple starting out in a new, sexually-charged relationship. Tell me this – does Bella seem to be equally obsessed with you? Sexually?"

I frowned and thought about how she had attacked me in the elevator just over an hour ago.

"Um...yeah...I guess so."

I looked up at him in disbelief and he chuckled softly.

"Edward, have you really been worried that what you were feeling was abnormal?"

"Well, yeah...I mean, I've never felt anything like it before. It's been freaking me out."

"That's understandable. Sudden intense emotions and accompanying physical reactions can be somewhat...disturbing."

I was still trying to grasp what he was telling me.

"Has this sort of thing ever happened to you?" I asked, trying to wade through the depth of my confusion. Jasper's eyes went wide and he suddenly looked around the room.

"Um...well...yes, I would have to say that it has."

"Recently?"

"Um...you could say that."

_Is he blushing again?_ _Holy crap – Dr Hale has a crush!_

"Jesus, Jas, who is she?" I asked excitedly.

He shot me a glare that said we-are-not-having-this-conversation-Cullen-so-pack-up-your-over-enthusiastic-curiosity-and-send-it-home.

"Jasper..." I pleaded.

"No way, Edward."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not appropriate."

"You want me to feel better about my freakish sex-drive don't you?"

"Of course..."

"Well then, if you tell me how your mystery woman affects you then maybe I won't feel like I belong on Ripley's Believe It or Not."

He shook his head and chuckled. "Look, all I'm going to say is that everything you said before about how Bella affects you? I have felt the same way. Except for the farting. That's just wrong."

I laughed and crossed my arms over my chest. "Hey, don't judge. Has your mystery woman farted in front of you yet?"

He covered his face with his hands. "Oh Jesus, no. Not yet."

I nodded knowingly at him. "Yeah, well, you call me when she does. We'll see who thinks it's wrong then."

"Okay, okay. I promise I'll let you know."

We both laughed before Jas looked at me intensely. I knew what was coming next. I was expecting it.

"So, Edward," Jasper said, slipping back into therapist mode without skipping a beat, "how has your...anger been?"

The Madman put his hand up. _Please, let me answer this one._

"Um...fine."

_Liar_. _Tell him about the jealous shit-fit you threw over Rpattz._ _Tell him how close you were to murdering the nice British boy because of your uncontrollable jealousy._ _Go on...isn't that why you come here?_ _To unload your baggage?_

"There have been a couple of minor flare-ups, but nothing has happened."

_Chicken-shit._

Jas nodded his head, and I felt bad for not disclosing fully. "That's good, Edward, you seem to be making a lot of progress recently. Do you think that being with Bella has helped you?"

"Absolutely." I had no doubt that the only reason I was doing well at caging my inner dickhead was Bella.

The Madman crossed his arms and snarled. _You know I can hear you, right?_

"Jas, I don't know where the hell I would be today if it wasn't for her. She makes me want to be a better person."

Jasper took some notes before asking tentatively, "Edward, how much does Bella know...about the person you used to be?"

I ran my hands through my hair. This was something that had been on my mind ever since Bella and I had gone to see Charlie.

"Not a lot. She knows about my addictions, but I haven't really told her about my...dark times."

Jas narrowed his eyes at me.

"Look, I know what you're going to say and I'm way ahead of you. I'm going to tell her – tonight."

"Really?"

"Yes. I know that if we want to move to the next step of our relationship, we need to do this – I need to do this."

"And how do you think Bella will react?"

I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I think she'll be shocked."

"And?"

"I think...well, I _hope_...she'll realize that I'm not that person anymore."

The Madman chuckled. _Sure Cullen, you're all cured._ _I mean, apart from your impressive ability to completely delude yourself and your therapist, you're solid...really._

Jasper closed his notebook and sighed. "Well, buddy, I think that this is a big step you're taking. I think it's the _right_ step to be taking now, after everything you've gone through. From what you and Alice have told me, Bella sounds like a very special woman."

My heart swelled as I thought about my incredible Bella. Tonight, I would show her how much I trusted her with my heart, and I would lay myself bare to her and wait for her reaction.

"She is special, Jas," I said quietly. "I would do anything for her. Anything."

* * *

**BPOV**

I bucked violently against the crushing weight, pushing him away from me with all my strength and standing up to face him. My heart pounded painfully in my chest, pushing my blood through my body in a frenzy of hate and fury and violence and dread. I felt a faint prickling and touched my neck where he had pressed the hunting knife into it. My fingers came away with a small smear of blood.

My stomach lurched and my rage exploded, rising to match my panic.

"You cocksucker," I seethed, pushing the crippling horror that was churning though my body away, trying to hide the fear he would no doubt feed on. "How the fuck did you get in here, James?"

He put his hands on his hips and smiled.

I couldn't believe I had once found that fuck-awful face handsome. Now when I looked at it, all I saw was evil. He licked his disgusting lips and cocked his head to the side.

"Aw, Isabella," he mocked, "what sort of welcome is that after all this time?"

I wanted to reach out and pummel his face into oblivion.

He brought up the knife he was holding, turning the silver-bright steel in the light, taunting me with it. My breath hitched in my lungs, the air suddenly too thick to exhale.

"You should show more respect to me, little Swan," he threatened, smiling tightly as the glinting steel flashed across my eyes.

I gazed at the fine, sharp blade, hypnotized by its lethal beauty. I snapped my attention back to the psycho in front of me. His smile dropped and I suddenly saw the bestiality in his eyes. He'd changed since I'd seen him last – his eyes were harder, full of savagery and storminess.

"Did you think you could hide up here in your little love nest forever, hmmmmm?" he said in a tone that made my skin crawl. "You must have known I would find you, Bella...I always find you."

He started walking towards me and I retreated behind the couch, trying to keep him out of lunging distance.

"What the fuck do you want, James?" I spat, trying to keep my breathing even as he stalked me around the living room.

"Bella," he said, acting shocked, "how could you ask me such a thing? I want what I've always wanted – you. I want my little Swan to come home, where she belongs. All my friends have missed you...I'VE missed you."

I laughed bitterly, conscious of the fact that he had a knife and, therefore, power, but I felt the need to rebel against becoming the spineless doormat he had reduced me to in the past.

"James, you've been trying this shit on me for the past two years! Why the hell do you think I would suddenly decide to come back to you now?"

His lips curled up and a bright spark of spite burned in his eyes.

"Well yes, I must admit, you have been quite stubborn in the past – refusing to realize that you belong with me - TO me." My jaw clenched as his words rasped across my brain like sandpaper, opening up wounds I was certain had healed. "But things have changed now, Bella...everything is different."

"Oh really," I scoffed, my fury rising and giving me false courage. "Have you suddenly grown a conscience? Are you no longer a sick fuck who preys on the insecurities of damaged girls? Have you finally succeeded in learning to GO FUCK YOURSELF?! Because unless all of those things have happened, you gargantuan ASSHOLE, I don't understand why you're still talking to me!"

He laughed and lowered the knife, shaking his head and giving me a sympathetic look.

"Oh poor, sweet, deluded Bella. Of course I haven't changed. Don't you realize? I like who I am. Who I am works for me. What's changed here, little Swan, is you. You've fallen face first into a full-on fairytale, haven't you? Saved from the savage streets by your snazzy new boyfriend?"

My blood boiled to hear him talk of Edward.

"And now you two are parading around town like Romeo and Juliet, both from different worlds but determined to make it work." He sobbed theatrically before laughing heartily. "See Bella, when I tried to convince you to come back to me before, you had nothing to lose, and so, I had no leverage. Do you comprehend the magnitude of the leverage I have now?"

My mind screamed with the implication of his words. He nodded his head and smirked.

"Yes, little Swan, I think you do understand."

He started moving towards me again and I edged my way towards the elevator.

"You see, Bella, I don't WANT to ruin your fairytale, I really don't – but I WILL unless you do exactly as I tell you."

My eyes flickered to the elevator call button. If I could just get to it there was a slim chance I could fight him off long enough to get inside. I kept moving, trying to not let him see my intentions.

"So what exactly do you want, James, you giant piece of shit?" I asked through clenched teeth.

He stopped walking and looked into my eyes. "Bella, all I want is a little business arrangement between the two of us. Something that will ensure we both get what we want. Does that sound acceptable?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, suddenly impatient for him to stop talking in circles.

"Just tell me what the fuck you want, asshole, and stop wasting my time."

His mouth pressed into a thin line and I could tell that I was pushing my luck with him.

"What I am proposing is this, you impatient little whore," he said, venom dripping from every word. "One day a week you will come to me, and I will use you as I wish, fuck you as I wish, and give you to whom I wish...and in return I won't tell your boyfriend about how you fucked half the male population of LA before you decided to play house with your pansy-assed pretty boy. How does that sound?"

My throat constricted.

This was my nightmare – the thought that woke me up so many times in the past few weeks - and it was now standing in front of me, holding a degree in blackmail while I flunked out of coherent thought.

My hands began to shake.

It was one thing if I told Edward about my past - it was quite another if James told him. The thought sickened me to my core, but I tried to remain calm. Perhaps I could bluff him.

"What makes you think I haven't told him already?"

He shook his head slowly.

"Oh little Swan, I'm not fucking stupid. A man like him? He could have anyone he wanted. Do you really think he would risk keeping you around if he knew you used to be the most depraved piece of pussy on the streets?"

A sharp, needling pain started to weave its way through my nerves, standing my hair on end and sending an involuntary shudder through my body. He saw it and knew he'd found my weakness.

"If he even had a whiff of some of the fucked-up shit you're capable of, he would walk away from you and never look back."

"He loves me," I whispered, barely able to control my breath enough to speak.

James sensed how much his words affected me, and he swooped in for the kill.

"Oh, I'm sure that he feels all proud of himself that he saved you from the terrible life you were leading, but really, how long do you think it will be until that novelty wears off? How long will it be until people start getting curious about you, wanting to know more, desperate to find out about the rock-star's girlfriend?"

He shrugged lightly and composed his face into the picture of compassion and concern.

Fuck, I wanted to slap him so hard.

"Now, if you agree to my terms, I will take your sordid little secrets to the grave. I won't breathe a word about how many ways you've humiliated yourself." Suddenly, the compassion was gone, and all that remained was hate, and selfishness, and manipulation. "But if you push me, bitch, I will fucking lay you bare for the whole motherfucking world to see. I will expose every filthy, foul fucking storyl of your insatiable cunt and all that rode in her. I will describe in excruciating detail just how perverted my little Swan could be, how sickening and repulsive your actions were. I will ensure that by the time I'm finished, your boyfriend will never be able to look at you again without seeing you for the loathsome, repugnant slut you really are. He will be so fucking repulsed by you, the mere sight of your pathetic face will be enough to make him physically sick."

My rage exploded and I pounced on him, growling in satisfaction as my fingernails raked the side of his face and drew blood. He screamed and pushed me off, touching his face before lunging for me.

"You fucking bitch!" he bellowed in rage.

I sprinted for the elevator, but he caught me by my hair, yanking me so hard I fell backward towards him. He grabbed me around the throat, his thick forearm crushing my windpipe. I scratched at his arm frantically, desperately trying to loosen his grip as my lungs began to burn and my throat ached. He brought the knife up in front of my face and held the glistening point a breath away from my eyeball.

I could feel his rasping breath, and when he spoke his voice was heavily with malice.

"How do you think loverboy would react to a one-eyed girlfriend, Bella?!" he spat at me, crushing my larynx beneath his arm. "Or maybe I'll just cut a few strips of skin off those pretty cheeks of yours, huh? Turn you into a walking, breathing Halloween mask! How would that be?! Do you think he'd still love you then?!"

My vision started to blur and I could feel the dark shadows of unconsciousness clouding my brain. Edward's face swam through the shadows, smiling. I squeezed my eyes shut and concentrated on his face as oblivion rushed up to meet me.

I went limp and suddenly found myself falling to the floor, dragging huge lungfuls of razor-sharp air into my deprived lungs. I gasped as I felt James' hand in my hair again, and my legs pumped uselessly as he dragged me across the floor, away from the elevator and my only means of escape.

He released me roughly, and as I panted and gasped in pain, I saw him take something out of a black satchel that was beside the couch. He walked back over to me and grabbed my hair again, pulling me to my knees as I whimpered pathetically.

A finger of reason snaked its way through the rising tide of gut-wrenching agony and anxiety.

_Bella, you have to be clever here._ _Do you really think he won't use that blade on you?_ _Do you think he hasn't already used that blade on others – on Crazy Jess Stanley?_

_Be smart, Bells – you haven't come this far in your shitty life to let this asshole end it all on a whim._ _Fight, but be smart, and for fuck's sake, don't get yourself killed._

"Look at me, bitch," he growled, tugging my hair back and forcing my face up.

I looked up at him, desperately trying to mask the fear that was seeping through every pore of my skin.

"Do you want to die, Bella?" he asked in a freakishly calm voice.

He brought his face down to mine, and as his rank breath traveled across my face, the memories of him taking his pleasure from my indifferent body coursed through me, ravaging my self-control and inflaming my fury. I quickly composed my face, knowing without a doubt that if I continued to anger him, I could end up dead.

"Do you know you're the only girl to ever get away from me, Bella? The ONLY one."

I drew in a breath and asked the question that had been burning in my brain for days.

"What about Jess?" I asked as I swallowed nervously and searched his face. "Did she try to get away from you, James?"

He grimaced as a shadow passed behind his eyes.

"I couldn't let her leave me, Bella," he said quietly. "I wouldn't tolerate another FUCKING WHORE thinking she was too good for me. ME, who took your sorry asses off the street and put a fucking roof over your head and food in your fucking ungrateful mouths. No, Bella, no slut is going to take advantage of me again – not ever."

He settled his gaze on me and I clenched my fists to stop myself from gouging out his murderous eyes.

"Now, I believe I asked you question, whore – and you'd better answer me before I start cutting pieces off you – do you want to die?"

I looked him in the eyes as my sense of self-preservation erupted into life. I had never realized before how damaged James was, how full of hate and violence. Jess may have been the first girl he killed, but looking at him now, I knew without a doubt she wouldn't be the last. Something had happened in his past to make him like this – to make his mission in life to punish women, and the punishments were getting more severe. He was feeding his inner monster and it was gaining strength and power.

I took a deep breath.

"No, James," I said in a voice that sounded so calm and free from fear I hardly recognized it as my own. "I don't want to die. Please, tell me what you want...I'll do anything for you...please."

His eyes flickered with surprise at the tone of my voice, and the fire in his eyes ebbed slightly.

He slowly brought his face closer to mine. I paralyzed the synapses that immediately prepared to thrust a look of disgust onto my face, and somehow forced them to assemble a rough smile.

"Ahhhhh," James breathed as his mouth hovered above mine, "there's the sweet, accommodating girl I remember. I've missed you, little Swan."

He enveloped my mouth in his and I fought down the bile that boiled in my stomach. I forced myself to kiss him back, trying to calm him, stroking his ego and hopefully saving my life.

He stood up suddenly and brought something from behind his back. I looked at it for several moments before I realized what it was.

"James," I said, trying to sound casual, "why do you have a video camera?"

He released my hair and brought his other hand up to fiddle with the view-screen.

"Well, Bella," he said patiently, "you and I are going to make a little movie together – kind of like an insurance policy should you ever try to fuck me over."

He hit a button and a small red light winked to life next to the lens.

"Smile, little Swan," he said, pulling his lips back from his teeth. "I'm going to make you a star."

He stepped closer to me, placing his groin in front of my face. I could see his arousal through his jeans.

"Alright Bella, in this scene you suck my cock until I come, okay?"

My self-respect was screaming at me to say no. It had fought so long to live in the light of day and it couldn't bear to be smothered again, but another part of me, the sensible part that kept seeing a mental image of Jess Stanley's decaying corpse in a dumpster, told me to do whatever the hell I needed to do to get out of here in one piece.

I reached over and unclasped James' jeans, pushing them and his underwear down to his knees. His erection stood out from his body, and I was sickened by the thought that he was getting off on seeing me suffer.

I grasped his hardness in my fist and started moving as he hissed with satisfaction.

"Yes, Bella...that's it. Now, be a good girl and remind me what a talented fucking mouth you have."

I hesitated. I felt like I was going to vomit.

"Do it, right the fuck now, whore, or I'm going to slice that pretty throat of your wide open."

I cringed as I lowered my mouth to him, breaking every promise I ever made to myself when I left him. I moved around him the way I knew he liked, my hand moving in tandem with my mouth, automatically revisiting the patterns of his pleasure that had been burned into my brain. He grabbed my hair with one hand, and to my absolute horror, started trailing the cool, blunt side of the knife down my cheek with the other. I froze, his cock twitching in the back of my throat.

"Bella," he said expectantly, "I wouldn't stop if I were you. Just ignore the blade - and if you do as you're told, it will ignore you."

I cautiously started moving again, taking his abhorrent member further and further into my mouth. He wrapped his fingers in my hair and grasped it tightly, thrusting into my throat roughly.

"Oh, fuck, yes, little Swan. I've missed this – your fucking hot little mouth eating me hungrily. You never could get enough of my cock, could you?"

I closed my eyes and just kept breathing, ignoring the traitorous tear that rolled down my cheek. I just needed to get through this – make him happy so he would go away. Get him out of here before Edward came home. Play the whore, one more time.

His thrusts were becoming harder and faster and I glanced up to see him sneering and grunting behind the video camera.

"Yes, Bella," he hissed, "look at me sweetheart...show me those big brown miserable eyes of yours. Oh, yes, a single tear...how poetic."

He threw his head back and I knew he was close.

I tried to block out the screaming in my head. I tried to be scared of the knife near my throat. I tried to stem the flood of memories that burst through my mind, reminding me of all the ways this man had used me, humiliated me, tried to break me...and I tried like HELL to NOT do what I KNEW I was going to do next, because there was NO FUCKING WAY on God's clean, lovely earth that this monumental MOTHERFUCKER was EVER going to cum in my mouth!

I grasped his balls gently in one hand - "Oh, fuck, yes, Bella..." - _wait for it, asshole_ – and my other hand traveled down his arm, resting gently on the hand that held the knife. In the next second, I simultaneously grasped the knife from him, squeezed his balls with all my might, and clamped my teeth down on his cock with the ferocity of a rabid, raging pit-bull.

He bellowed in rage and agony as he collapsed to the floor and cupped his bleeding cock and ruined balls. I stood up quickly, pointing the knife at him as he groaned and rolled in agony.

"YOU FUCKING CUNT!" he screamed at me, his face a horror story of murder and pain. He mumbled obscenities at me under his breath as I stood over him, breathing heavily, desperately resisting the urge to slice him open and let all the hurt and pain he'd caused me to tumble out in big, fleshy chunks.

Instead, I inched back toward the kitchen and picked up the phone.

_Fuck. No dial tone._

James laughed acidly as he started to get to his feet.

"Do you thing I'm an idiot, Bella?" he panted roughly. "Couldn't have you ruining all our reunion fun with a call to the cops, could I?"

I slammed the phone down and advanced on him, channeling the rage that was bellowing at me to murder him, into my voice.

"Shut up, you PIECE OF SHIT!" I yelled.

He chuckled as he shoved himself back into his pants and wiped the blood off his hands. "Well, well, look at you...all feisty and hot. Are you trying to turn me on all over again, little Swan?"

I snarled and moved towards him as he ducked behind the couch.

"James, you had better get the fuck out of here, NOW, before I CUT YOUR FUCKING COCK OFF AND WATCH YOU BLEED TO DEATH!"

His eyes flickered behind me, and he raised his hands in defeat.

"Whoa! Hang on there, tiger," he said. "You've won, okay? I'll go." He pointed over my shoulder. "But first, don't you want to introduce me to your boyfriend?"

I turned around. Edward was standing there, his eyes wide as he took in the scene before him - James, smiling warmly, blobs of blood staining his jeans and shirt. Me, hair matted and clumped, blood smeared on my robe, madness in my eyes and a fucking large and deadly hunting knife in my trembling hand.

He inhaled sharply as he looked at me.

"Bella?"

Before I knew what was happening, James vaulted over the couch, grabbed the knife from me and held it against my throat, wrapping his other arm firmly around my shoulders and arms and crushing me to him.

Edward's whole body tensed as James settled his gaze on him.

"Well, hello there," he breathed in what would have been a charming voice on someone who wasn't a psychopath. "You must be Edward. It's such a pleasure to finally meet you."

I saw something behind Edward's eyes flicker and his whole face changed. His eyes ignited with white-hot rage and I saw the muscles in his arms and neck bulge as his fists clenched tightly. His eyes flickered from me to James, and at that moment, I saw Edward calculating the number of ways he could hurt James before he killed him.

When he spoke, a cold chill ran up my spine.

"I don't know who the fuck you are, or what you think you're doing here, but if you don't get your filthy hands off my woman, right now, I am going to end you. Painfully."

I barely recognized his voice. It was low and rough, and completely devoid of emotion.

I felt James' low chuckle resonate into my back through his chest. He pressed the knife further into my neck and I gasped.

"Now, Edward, is that any way to treat an old friend of your lady love? Particularly one who could slice her throat open in the blink of an eye?"

Edward's jaw clenched and his chest started rising and falling faster. His eyes were an inferno of hatred.

"Besides," James continued, "I think you and I need to have a little chat about Isabella, don't you agree?"

Edward took a stiff step forward. James countered, dragging me back with him.

"Please don't, Edward. You wouldn't want me to ruin this nice fluffy robe with your true love's blood, now would you?"

Edward froze, a grimace of ultimate frustration distorting his perfect features.

"Why don't you take a seat?" James instructed, motioning to the armchair.

Edward stalked to the seat like a giant panther and sat down warily, never taking his eyes off me and James.

His eyes locked with mine. "Bella," he said softly, "are you okay?"

"She's fine," James spat. "Better than fine in fact...she's just as good as I remember her."

He trailed his hand up to grasp my breast roughly through my robe. Edward hissed and clamped his hands down on the chair, causing the leather to creak under the strain.

"You don't like it when I touch your woman, do you, pretty boy? Just seeing another man's hands on her makes you crazy, doesn't it?"

Edward scowled, a dark cloud of thunderous anger spreading across his face like a shadow. His eyes were dark and dangerous, and I genuinely feared for James' life if he ever got a hold of him.

"Shall I tell you about all the things I've done with her body, Edward?" he teased. "Or should I tell you about all the things I've witnessed other men do to her body?"

Edward closed his eyes, a look of painful anguish settling on his face.

"Oh, Edward, you should have seen her back in the day. She was magnificent. The things she could do to a cock would bring any man to his knees," he chuckled softly, "and more often than not, it did."

"Shut up." Edward's voice was barely audible, but every syllable stabbed straight into my heart. His hands came up to his face and I could see that they were trembling.

"Oh, I almost forgot," James said lightly, stooping slightly to pick the video camera up off the floor.

I stiffened as the realization of what he was about to do rocketed through me in nauseating waves.

"James, no...please," I begged.

He ignored me.

"I have a present for you, Edward."

James pushed some buttons, and suddenly the screen came to life, showing me on my knees, my mouth closing around his erection. Edward's head shot up and James tossed him the camera.

"Have a peek, Edward. It's just a little something we whipped up for you before you got home."

_God, please...don't look, Edward. Please...don't look._

I felt my breath hitching and gasping as I watched Edward's face. His lips spasmed in pain as he watched the image of James' cock in my mouth. My heart died as I watched his reaction. He was horrified...disgusted beyond all belief...and he had every right to be. His body tensed and I could see his muscles straining against his shirt. Without warning his hand shot out, slamming the camera against the wall with such force that it disintegrated on contact.

James was really enjoying himself now.

"Well that's was just plain rude, Edward," he chuckled. "You know, I hadn't planned on meeting you today. I was just going to come and have a chat with little Swan here and then be on my way before you got back, but I'm so glad we we've had a chance to bond over MY Bella. She really is an extraordinary woman, isn't she?"

"Shut your mouth, now," Edward seethed.

I could see how much effort he was putting into staying in his chair and not ripping James' head off. James either didn't recognize Edward's fury, or chose to ignore it. Perhaps he was high on the power of his sharp, shiny knife, or maybe he just thought the pretty-boy rock-star wasn't a threat.

Whatever the reason, he continued as if Edward hadn't spoken.

"Do you know what a 'spit-roast' is, Edward? I'm talking in terms of sexual acts now, not Sunday brunch."

Edward's chest heaved and fell, and I could hear his breath hitching raggedly as his eyes dropped to the floor.

_God, no...please._ _He can't hear this._ _Please don't let him hear this._

"James," I begged, "haven't you hurt us enough? Please, don't do this…"

I was wasting my breath. I should have known the man was hollow inside. He was incapable of feeling compassion. He only recognized his own needs, and right now, he needed Edward and me to suffer.

"Shut-up, whore," he snapped squeezing me roughly to his chest, forcing me to exhale and struggle for breath.

I saw Edward's clenched fists start to tremble.

"I'm educating your boyfriend here on the fine art of your boundless perversion," he said as he ground his groin into my ass. He turned back to Edward whose lips were starting to curl up into a snarl. "So, Edward, a 'spit roast'. Let me explain. You see it's called that because the woman has one cock in her mouth and one cock in her pussy and/or ass, so she looks like a pig roasting over the coals on a skewer. Quite arousing really, and let me tell you, NO-ONE did a spit roast like my Bella."

"I'm going to kill you," Edward whispered. His eyes flickered up to James' face and I gasped at the vehemence I saw in them. "Whatever else happens here today, know that I am the last face you are ever going to see."

Edward stood up, slowly, unfurling himself from the chair and rolling his neck from side to side. James laughed quietly, but I could feel his heart-rate speed up – he was scared. It was one thing to attack a girl half your size, but it was completely different to be confronted by over six feet of boiling hatred, stalking toward you with murder in his eyes.

James snarled and pushed the knife further into my neck.

"Stay where you are cocksucker!" he yelled, a sharp edge of panic creeping into his voice. "Take one more step and I will fucking kill her, I swear to God!"

I could feel a slow drop of blood rolling down my skin. I stopped breathing and tried to be completely still.

Edward froze. His jaw clenched and unclenched as his breathing became rough.

"James," Edward said in a voice that scared even me, "I am going to give you a choice now. You can either put down the knife and walk out of here on your own two legs, or you can continue to threaten Bella and I will break every single bone in your fucking body. What do you want to do?"

"Cullen," he scoffed, "in case you haven't noticed I have a knife."

Edward stared at him, and the sheer intensity of his gaze sent shivers up my spine.

"I noticed. I just don't care."

Edward's eyes flickered to mine, and in that moment I knew what he was going to do the second before he did it. I mustered all my might and wrenched free of James grasp just as Edward lunged forward. James stumbled back, his eyes widening as Edward's hand grasped his shirt, swinging him around like a rag-doll, slamming him into the wall and cracking the plaster. James screamed with fury and lashed out with the knife. I saw Edward step back quickly, hissing in pain. I watched as he brought his forearm up to his face. There was a deep gash that was dribbling a steady stream of blood onto the cream-colored carpet. I started hyperventilating as I watched Edward's precious blood leaving his body and my legs collapsed underneath me.

James growled in satisfaction.

Edward roared and lunged for James again, dodging the knife as James jabbed at his body. He punched James hard in the side of the head, and through my semi-conscious haze I noted that real flesh on flesh sounded nothing like movie punches. The sound was muted – barely a thud – not the bright cracking noise I had been conditioned to expect.

James staggered forward, blade swinging, but Edward grasped the arm that held the deadly knife and shoved it hard against the wall, his other hand circling James' throat. James used the opportunity to punch Edward viciously, twice in the ribs, and I cringed when I heard a faint cracking sound. Edward hissed in pain, but didn't loosen his grip. He pulled James' knife-hand away from the wall and smashed it back into the plaster. James screamed in pain as the knife clattered to the floor. He head-butted Edward in the face and snarled heartily as Edward stumbled backwards, his nose exploding into a bloody mess across his face.

I screamed and tried to scramble to my feet but there was too much blood. Edward's shirt and pants were smothered in brilliant red, and I could feel tears of frustration and impotence stream down my face as I slumped back to the floor and watched more of his precious life drain out of him with each passing second.

James advanced on Edward, punching him hard in the stomach and ribs. My body convulsed, echoing the pain that Edward must be feeling.

"James! Please! Stop!" I screamed in desperation.

James looked at me with mock sadness as Edward bent over, gasping and wheezing for breath through his broken ribs. Blood and mucus were streaming from his face and he was cradling the gaping mess of his forearm.

"Bella, it didn't have to be like this...it really didn't" - he punched Edward in the guts again and I screamed as I watched him fall to his knees - "but you really need to learn to do as you're told." He grabbed Edward's hair and wrenched his head back. "Now, I've had to give your pretty boyfriend a little lesson in who's King Shit around here, and when I'm finished with him, I intend to make you finally understand – without a question of a doubt – that YOU BELONG TO ME!"

He pulled his fist back, swinging it towards Edward's already ruined face. He gasped when Edward grasped his wrist at the last second and looked up into his face.

"Wrong, asshole," Edward wheezed as he pulled back his other hand and punched James hard in the balls, causing him to collapse instantly and whimper like a neutered dog. "She's mine."

Edward lunged at James with inhuman speed, pushing him onto his back and straddling his legs. He roughly grabbed the front of James' shirt, pulling him off the floor and punching him hard in the face as his fury erupted in a molten tide of violence. His fist came down, time and again, punctuating his words with the dull thud of knuckles on flesh.

"Don't you EVER touch her again you MOTHERFUCKER! I'll fucking KILL you if even LOOK at her again! DO YOU HEAR ME? I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"

James grunted and groaned as Edward's ferocious assault continued. His face was already starting to swell, and his broken nose splattered blood across Edward's face every time his fist connected. Edward's voice reverberated around the apartment, his outrage bellowing out of him as he pounded James into oblivion.

"YOU FUCKER! YOU WILL NEVER TOUCH HER AGAIN! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU BEFORE I LET THAT HAPPEN! YOU WILL NEVER LAY ONE FUCKING FINGER ON HER AGAIN, DO YOU HEAR ME?!"

James couldn't hear him, and he was no longer groaning. He had passed out, his body limp, slumping up and down heavily as Edward continued to viciously punish his inert foe.

"Edward, STOP!" I yelled desperately.

He didn't even register that I had spoken.

I watched in horror as his fist continued to fall.

_Jesus, he's really going to do it._ _He's going to kill him._

My stomach knotted with anxiety as I watched the man I loved try to destroy another human being with his bare hands.

I got up quickly and went to him. "EDWARD! STOP! PLEASE...YOU'RE KILLING HIM!"

"GOOD!" he growled, his relentless fist continuing its sickening purpose. "THE FUCKER SHOULD DIE FOR WHAT HE'S DONE TO YOU!"

I couldn't let this continue any further. Edward was out of his mind with rage and I had to make him stop. I grabbed his arm as he brought it back for another blow, and held it firm, needing all my strength to stop him from wrenching it from my grip.

He growled in frustration.

"Edward! Stop! This isn't you!" I looked into his eyes, searching for the tiniest glimmer of reason that would cease the madness - anything that would bring MY Edward back to me. He stared back at me with nothing but rabid savagery. His bicep flexed as he tried to pull his hand from my desperate grasp and he snarled with pure animalistic rage.

"Bella," he seethed through clenched teeth, "let me go..."

"Edward," I pleaded, "you've beaten him, okay? You've punished him for everything he did to me. You HAVE TO STOP!"

His face contorted with so much unadulterated anger that I couldn't even recognize him anymore.

"I haven't begun to punish this prick for everything he did to you," he snarled, his voice boiling with molten rage, "now I fully intend to finish what I started...so GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF ME!"

He thrust his arm backward, throwing me off him like I was an insect. I whipped around as my feet fought to find purchase in the soft carpet, but I knew that I was going to fall – hard – and I gasped as I saw where I was going to land.

Suddenly, everything went into slow motion. As I plummeted forward, sailing gracelessly through the air, I saw the orange tendrils of sunset streaming through the wall of windows in the living room and reflecting off the slick surface of the glass coffee table. My brain pushed my hands out in front of me, lying to itself that they would break my fall and avert major injury. I could feel my hair flying out behind me as gravity wrapped me in its leaden embrace, dragging me towards the orange-red mirage.

My palms slapped the cold glass loudly, and I heard razor-sharp crackling fill the air as I watched my horrified reflection fracture and splinter violently beneath my own weight. I marveled at the beauty of the spinning, glimmering shards, flashing their fiery brilliance as they ricocheted and cartwheeled in the last rays of afternoon sun.

I exhaled loudly as I crashed down onto the jagged cacophony of glass, barely registering the sharp-edged pain that bloomed in my hands and arms. I became vaguely aware of someone yelling my name. I knew it had to be Edward, but he sounded wrong – like he was screaming in slow motion - his voice was too deep and too far away.

As I settled into the crunching mess, I brought my hands up to my face, and as the glistening torrents of blood leaked down my arms and pooled in my lap, the scream that was forming in my throat dissolved as the blackness enveloped me.

* * *

**Author Notes**

***_sigh_* Ok...so...that was a whole lot of baggage spread around a certain penthouse. What happens to our happy couple from here? Well, they're going to have some major shit to work out, that's for sure. I hope you stay with them.**

**For those people who have asked if the rest of the Cullens will be making an appearance, and if Bella will ever confront her mother, the answer is yes and yes – eventually.**

**For all of those readers currently engaged in sexual relations with The Madman (you KNOW who you are), he's been squirming uncomfortably in his chair all morning so I suggest you all get checked out before bits start falling off you.**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Kiya x**


	18. Aftermath

**Chapter Notes**

**Well, the title pretty much says it all. The story has been heading here for a while, but ****I**** promise, we will come out the other side.**

**To my darling Catty-Wan ****– like Edward, ****I**** don't have enough words. Thank you for everything. ****I**** love you.**

**To the ever-supportive girls on UU, and Twilighted Forums ****– you have my love and gratitude.**

**Disclaimer: ****I**** don't own these characters, and they're not speaking to me anyway, so...**

**This story contains adult content ****– please read with discretion.**

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**Chapter 18 - Aftermath**

**BPOV**

I felt someone brushing my hair away from my face and looked up. Green eyes stared down at me, filled with love and apology, searching mine for forgiveness.

"Bella," Edward said quietly, stroking my face, "I'm so sorry, beautiful. God, are you okay?"

I reached up and took his hand in mine, stroking it gently, accepting his apology with my fingertips.

"I'm fine," I said softly as my skin brushed gently against his, "now that you're here, I'm perfect."

He closed his eyes and sighed. "Bella, do you know how utterly important you are to me? How much I need you with me – always?"

He opened his eyes and my heart expanded, filling my chest and making it hard to breathe.

"When I saw you fall...I thought..." He looked down at our hands, and I felt his grip tighten as emotion bubbled in his voice. "Christ, I don't know what I thought...but I have never felt fear like that before in my life."

When he looked up at me again, his eyes were brimming with tears and his voice was hushed.

"Bella, you are part of me now, do you understand that? Do you understand that I can't live without you?" His eyes penetrated me, filling me with with the prospect of something I had never considered would ever be available to me – a happy ending – with this man, my perfect man.

"Don't ever leave me, Bella...please."

He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it gently, drawing in a deep breath and then exhaling. I sighed as his sweet, warm air glided over my skin.

"Edward, I'll never leave you, I promise."

I looked down at our intertwined hands, preparing myself for what I was about to say.

"But...those things that James told you about me..."

"Sssh, Bella...it doesn't matter."

I looked at him. He looked calmly back, his eyes full of love.

"Edward, it was all true."

"I know."

"And the video he showed you..."

"Really badly shot," he stated simply. A smirk lifted one corner of his mouth. "Not that I can blame him for that. It was kind of your fault. You can be devastatingly distracting when you want to be."

I gaped at him.

"Edward, are you seriously making light of the fact that I was forced to give a blowjob at knife point?"

He kissed my hand again and chuckled.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I just don't want this to become a big thing between us. Do I like knowing what happened to you before we met? No. Did I need to hear it? Yes. Do I blame you for it? No. Am I going to let it become an issue between us? Hell no."

I shook my head in disbelief.

"It's just that easy for you to accept that I was practically a whore?"

He reached over and cupped my face in his hand, his eyes fiery and determined.

"Bella, don't ever call yourself that. Ever. You did what you needed to do to survive - I can never begrudge you that. However, that sack of shit upstairs is another matter. If he EVER comes near you again, I swear to God, I'll...

"Kill him?" I finished quietly.

He dropped his eyes.

_Oh Christ__, Swan, PLEASE think before you speak._

"Jesus, Edward...I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to come out like that."

He shook his head and frowned. "No...Bella, you're right. What I did to James..."

"I understand."

"I don't know what came over me."

"I know."

"When I saw him threatening you and I thought that he could hurt you...or worse...I...I just lost it."

I nodded in sympathy. "That would be one way to describe it."

I reached out and stroked his cheek with my thumb, willing him to look at me. He wouldn't.

I changed tactics.

"As disturbing as it was at the time, I do have to say that when you said, 'Wrong asshole, she's mine' and then cock-punched him right in the nads, I have never loved you more."

His eyes snapped up to mine and a look of supreme confusion crossed his face before it was shattered by his breathtaking smile, and suddenly everything in the world was right.

"Swan, are you making light of the fact that I almost beat a man to death in a psychotic rage?"

I shrugged. "Meh...I didn't want it to become a big deal between us."

He chuckled and leaned in to kiss me. As his lips met mine I knew that all my fears about his reaction to my past had been unfounded. He loved me – unconditionally – and I loved him the same way. I felt moisture dripping down my cheeks and he pulled away to look at me.

"Sweetheart," he breathed as he pulled me into his chest, "Bella, God, don't cry. I'm here. I'll always be here for you, okay?"

I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck, letting the pain and anxiety of the past week flow down my cheeks and wash away my insecurity.

"Edward, I've just been so worried about how you would react when you found out about my past - it's been eating me alive - and then James showed up and I thought he was going to kill you, and if he did I would have begged him to kill me too because there is no fucking way I'm staying in this world without you, and now, you're here, and I can't think of a single reason why I deserve to be so happy..."

I buried myself in him, losing myself in his arms and his hands and his lips and his smell – never wanting to surface.

He pulled back and I could see his eyes streaming too.

"Bella, I..." He broke off and I wiped his wet cheeks tenderly with my fingers.

_My beautiful man._ _My beautiful, sensitive man._

He laughed softly. "Shit...look at me..."

He took my face in his hands and we both cried silently as he spoke, both tacitly giving thanks for everything the other gave us.

"Bella, I just don't have words...there aren't enough words in the world, in any language, to tell you how much I love you...I can't understand how my heart can hold all of my love for you and still expand each day with more. Please believe me when I say that I didn't start living until the day I met you."

We just held each other and cried, clinging to our other half and thanking any deity that was listening for bringing us together. I had never really believed in soul mates before, or destiny, or fate, but with Edward, they all made sense. He was all of those things to me and more. Apart, we were flawed and sinful and damaged, but together we smoothed over each other's gross imperfections like sandpaper on soft wood, melding and shaping each other into divine perfection. I held him fiercely, never wanting to let him go, never willing to be without him.

Eventually, my arms started to ache. I tried to move but Edward held me tight.

"Bella, no...please...don't let me go. Ever."

"It's okay," I said softly, "you're not going anywhere."

I tried to move my arms again and a white-hot pain shot through them, blooming behind my eyes and robbing me of my breath.

Edward's voice came to me, broken and anguished.

"Bella...no. Hold me...please...keep me here...don't let me leave..."

Suddenly, my arms were empty and I whimpered pathetically. Edward was gone and the hairline cracks that had been forming in my heart over the past few days shredded my chest wide open, lacerating my happiness and flaying me alive.

I screamed his name, but the only sound I could hear was the blood pulsing desperately through my aching veins.

_This is all wrong._ _It's not supposed to be like this._ _This isn't how the fairytale goes. He's supposed to be here with me, always. WHY ISN'T HE HERE!_

I closed my eyes and let the agony take me. It bloomed and festered and I could feel myself groan loudly.

"She's coming around..."

Suddenly, the room filled with noise, bombarding my leaden head with a blancmange of sound. My eyelids wouldn't open. They were too heavy. I could hear movement and voices, but it was like I was sitting at the bottom of a lake of jello – all the sounds were thick and distorted and wrong. I dreamed I could hear Edward's voice.

"Bella!

"Get some pressure on that arm, now!"

"Bella!"

"Sir, you can't be in here..."

"Bella, please wake up!"

"Edward, come on, let them do their job."

"Jesus, Alice, look at her..."

"Edward, it was an accident..."

"I need another suture kit!"

"Bella, I'm sorry..."

"Sir, you have to leave."

"Hang another bag of O neg please."

"Edward, come on, we have to get your arm seen to."

"Fuck my arm, Alice! Look what I did to her!"

"Sir, if you don't leave now I will call security."

"Bella...Jesus...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He was here. He was sorry, and he was here.

I exhaled and sank deeper into the jello. The nothingness swam up to greet me.

* * *

The thick blackness in my head started to clear. The voices were gone. I could hear a hollow clicking sound and tried to understand what it was.

My eyelids opened and closed heavily like a shutter on a camera, giving me brief, blurry snapshots of the room I was in.

A harsh fluorescent tube was directly over my head…'click'…an empty chair sat to my right…'click'…a door stood open to my left…'click'. A large, easy to read clock hung on the wall opposite my bed. The metronomic movement of the second hand roughly correlated with the hollow sound I was hearing. The time was 10.35…'click'…the time was 10.37…'click'…the time was 10.42…'click'.

"Bella?" I felt a large warm hand brush my hair off my face. I dragged my eyelids open.

Charlie was looking down at me, concern etching deep lines in his face.

"Hey, there you are. How're you doing, honey?"

I blinked a few times and tried to swallow, wincing as my larynx contracted roughly in my throat. I felt a light pressure at my lips and gratefully accepted the water straw Charlie was offering. I drank deeply, letting the coolness envelop the painful lump that was growing bigger each second.

"Where's Edward?" I rasped.

I struggled to stay awake as I watched Charlie look toward the door. "Um...he's talking to the police. They need to take a statement from him about what happened...to James."

My eyes snapped shut and a weight landed in the middle of my chest.

_Oh...God. James. He killed James._

An image of Edward's eyes – black and feral and savage – flashed through my brain. I saw his bloodied fist fall time and again onto James' swollen, unconscious face.

Charlie spoke as if he read my mind.

"James will live...unfortunately. He's here, being treated, but he's in custody." I opened my eyes and Charlie brought his face close to mine. "He'll never bother you again, Bells, I promise you. They've also arrested the security guard from the hotel who gave him access to the penthouse. He's one of James' clients, and in return for a plea, he's spilling all of James' dirty little secrets. Couple that with what he did to you and Edward, and he's not going to be seeing the light of day for a very long time."

I smiled weakly.

_Does it matter?_ _James may be going to prison, but that didn't change what happened today. Today the thin veil of trust that I had cultivated with the man I loved had been annihilated – shredded by James' words. James may never be able to come near me again, but it didn't matter. He had made sure I would suffer without having to lay a finger on me. _

"The police will need to speak to you too, Bells."

I nodded.

_Of course they would._

I looked down at my arms. They were covered in thick white gauze, dark spots of crimson peeking through in places. From my elbows down I looked like a Mummy from an old horror movie. My monster arms felt heavy and dull, like I was carrying them rather than them being attached to my body.

Charlie noticed my gaze.

"You were cut up pretty bad, honey. You'd lost a lot of blood by the time they brought you in. One of the cuts on your right arm was very deep – nicked some tendons and such – but I'm sure the doc will tell you more when he comes around."

I tried to move the fingers on my right hand. They spasmed briefly and lay still. I sighed.

_Great_.

A nurse walked into the room and smiled as she examined my drip.

"Oh, you're awake. Good. The doctor will be in to see you soon." She took down my vitals and noted them on a clipboard. I blinked drowsily at her. "You're probably feeling a bit out of it at the moment. That's the pain meds. If you start to feel nauseated, tell me, okay?"

I nodded slightly, desperately trying to keep my eyes open.

God, I was so tired, but I needed to see Edward, to see his face, to see how far we had fallen from the pedestals upon which we had put each other. I needed to see his eyes, to make sure they were green and not black, and I needed to see if, after everything that had happened today, he could still possibly love me. My chest clenched at the thought, and I knew that however painful it would be, I needed to know – one way or the other.

I watched the nurse leave and looked up at Charlie, my eyelids drooping against my will.

"Charlie, will you wake me when Edward arrives?" I slurred quietly.

He kissed my forehead as I let the darkness take me. "Of course I will, Bells."

The next few hours passed in a blur. The doctor came to tell me about my injuries. I had needed one hundred and twenty-three stitches to close my wounds, and although none of them were life-threatening, he predicted I would need some physical therapy to regain full movement in my right hand. He left the card for a physical therapist and said that I could probably be released the following day. I asked him about Edward's injuries, but he was paged before he could reply.

A mousey social worker descended on me next, saying that that my x-rays showed evidence of a history of long-term blunt-force trauma, indicating that I had suffered abuse. She asked, with sad, sympathetic eyes, if I wanted to talk about it. I mumbled at her to 'fuck off' before rolling over and drifting off to sleep.

As I floated in and out of consciousness, various nurses flittered in and out of the room, checking drips, bandages and vitals, and through it all, Charlie sat quietly in the corner, watching me carefully and assessing every person who came near me. I constantly scanned the door, desperate for Edward to walk through it, and each time someone who wasn't him filled the cream-colored frame, my chest tightened a little further, contracting around my fragile heart until even breathing was a chore. Every passing second that he wasn't with me raised my anxiety levels to a new high.

God, I needed him so badly. I needed him to come to me, and hold me in his arms and tell me that the worst was behind us. I needed him to say that he forgave me for the things I was ashamed of and that no obstacle would keep us from being together. I needed him...here...with me...always...desperately...irrationally...passionately.

Jesus, I was crawling out of my fucking skin.

_Edward – please – be here..._

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to calm my breathing. Once again, I drifted into a fitful, uncomfortable slumber.

The next time I awoke, a female police officer was waiting to take my statement. She asked Charlie to leave. It was two o'clock in the morning so I ordered him to go home and get some rest. He attempted to argue with me but even in my current state, he knew it was a losing battle. He kissed my forehead and promised to return later.

I described the events of the previous afternoon to the officer as accurately as I could, and she took notes and nodded silently. She said nothing about the fact that I skimmed over the part about James being my pimp in my former life, and for that I was grateful. When I told her about his admission regarding Jess Stanley, she wasn't surprised. He had already been on their lists of suspects and there was a growing pile of evidence against him. She predicted that even with a plea bargain, James would not be a free man for a very long time.

"What about Edward?" I asked tentatively.

She put her notebook away and sighed. "Seems to be a clear-cut case of self-defense to me – no charges will be pressed."

Relief flooded my body, releasing some of the tension in my chest.

When she left I dozed slightly, conjuring up images of Edward the day before – laughing as he wrapped his arms around me...quoting Star Wars and making me giggle...smiling as the elevator doors closed between us. I forced out the image of him with bloody rage blazing out of him and replaced it with green-eyed perfection - holding me, kissing away my fears and doubts, telling me that the worst was over and we'd made it through to the other side.

Suddenly, my whole body tingled with electricity, and when I opened my eyes, Edward was sitting in the chair near my bed, bathed in shadows and staring at me. He was still wearing his blood-stained shirt, the dark blotches looking like ink spots in the dim light. His nose was swollen and both eyes had large, bruised smudges underneath them, making him look tired. His arm was wrapped in a thick bandage, and I wondered how many stitches were hidden beneath it.

I looked at his eyes. They glistened in the darkness but I couldn't see them clearly enough to discern their color.

"Hey," he said so quietly I wasn't sure if I was imagining it.

"Hey," I breathed, relief and love pulsing through my body. "Are you alright?"

I heard him exhale quickly.

"Bella, why is it that you're lying in a hospital bed looking like you've been run over by a combine harvester that I was driving, and YOU'RE asking ME if I'm alright?"

His voice was flinty and sharp, and I wasn't sure if he was angry with me or with himself.

"Edward...what happened...it wasn't your fault..."

He huffed incredulously.

"Oh really, Bella? Because I thought that my throwing you into that glass coffee table and shredding you like mince-meat was definitely my fault. Who else could I possibly blame?"

"Edward, you weren't yourself...James had made you crazy..."

He laughed sarcastically at that. "No, Bella, James didn't make me crazy. I was crazy well before I ever met him."

I wanted to go over and hold him, tell him that it didn't matter, but part of me knew that it did. Part of me knew that Edward had lost himself yesterday, and I had no idea how to help find him again.

"Edward...the video you saw..."

"He forced you – I know. I could see the knife..."

"You know I would never have done anything like that if I didn't think he would hurt me..."

"Bella, please – just stop. I really can't deal with thinking about that animal's dick in your mouth at the moment, okay?"

His face was dark with anger and he glared at a point of light on the floor.

I exhaled.

I understood that Edward wasn't ready to deal with everything that happened yesterday, but I also knew that there was one more thing I had to get off my chest before I collapsed under the weight of it. I took a deep breath.

_This is it - the moment of truth._

"Edward...those things that James told you about me..."

"Bella, I'm leaving," he spoke so quickly I took a moment to register his words. I tried desperately to misunderstand him.

"Oh, of course, you should go. Go back to the penthouse and get some rest...clean up...have something to eat..."

He cut me off. "I'm not going back to the penthouse, Bella. Ever." He leaned back in the chair and rubbed his forehead. "Do you honestly think I would EVER be able to set one foot back in that place, knowing what happened there..." His voice dropped so low it was barely audible. "Knowing what could have happened?"

I nodded in agreement. "Of course...yes, we shouldn't go back there. We'll find somewhere else...anywhere else as long as we're together."

"Bella...I..." he broke off and I stopped breathing as I waited for him to finish his thought.

Part of me knew what he was going to say from the moment I saw him sitting there, in the shadows, but I needed to hear him say the words, if only to help me stop deluding myself. My chest tightened in anticipation and I panted shallowly, unable to force my ribs out far enough to breathe.

"Bella, I think that it would be best...if we spent some time apart."

_Oh, God._

There it was. The final verdict. James had laid my case out. He had played the expert witness. He had offered digicam evidence, and now Edward had made his decision.

Every cell in my body screamed at me to fight him, to try and change his mind, to shriek at him that I couldn't survive if he left. My mind scrambled, desperately searching for arguments that would change his mind.

"Edward, please...my past is just that – past. You KNOW I'm not that person anymore."

"Bella, this isn't about that."

"Oh, so all those things James said to you yesterday – none of that matters to you?"

He scrubbed his hands roughly over his face. "No...I mean, yes...I mean, I understand. Bella, after everything you went through...Jesus, I don't blame you for any of it - I blame him - and every time I think about it I want to rip this hospital apart until I find him and finish what I started."

His tension was palpable. It radiated off him and penetrated me, causing violent unease to churn my stomach.

I was losing him.

"Edward, I understand that this whole thing is scary as hell, but please, let me help you."

"You can't."

"You don't know that. We belong together, Edward, you said it yourself. Just stay with me and we'll get through this, I know we will."

He shook his head slowly. "I don't think so..."

My mummy-arms twitched as I fought the urge to reach out and slap some sense into him. He was closing himself off from me, sinking deeper and deeper into a pit of guilt and self-loathing. I should know. I wrote the book on the pit. I lived in it, breathed it, let it control my self-destructive actions for far too long. I couldn't let Edward do the same thing, not when I had any chance at all of stopping him.

"Edward, stop it. I know what you're doing and you just need to stop." I could feel my voice getting louder as my fear of losing him urged me on. "How can you even say that? After everything we've been through together, everything we've shared? How can you be so sure that we can't get through this together?"

He dropped his head in his hands and pressed his fingers into his temples. His voice was rough and angry when he spoke.

"Because less than twenty-four hours ago I nearly killed another human being with my bare hands before almost killing the woman I loved! That's why I'm sure!

"Edward, that's not what happened, and you know it! You didn't mean to hurt me, it was an accident, and besides, I'm totally fine. I have some cuts and bruises, that's all..." - he scoffed loudly - "and I don't believe you would have killed James. You would have found a way to stop Edward – I know you would have."

His shoulders slumped and he pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked up at me and his eyes were cold and definite.

"You're wrong, Bella," he said softly, the certainty in his voice hammering into my brain mercilessly. "If you hadn't tried to stop me, I would be a murderer right now."

"Edward..."

He didn't flinch or blink. Instead, his resolve got even stronger.

"It's a fact. I wanted to kill him, Bella. I wanted to kill him and bathe in his blood. I still do. Do you have any idea how that feels?"

_Jesus, was he kidding me with this bullshit?_

"Yes, Edward, as a matter of fact, I do, or have you forgotten how I ended up on the streets in the first place?" His eyes dropped from mine. "Have you forgotten how I nearly killed Phil with his own baseball bat, and then ran away, just like you're doing now? And we both know how well that turned out."

I squeezed my eyes shut and struggled to wrap my mind around his reasoning.

"What's leaving going to achieve, Edward - apart from throwing us both into the third circle of hell? Tell me, how on earth can you fix this by yourself? Please, enlighten me with your logic!"

He stood up suddenly, the heavy hospital chair screaming as the metal legs scraped sharply against the hard linoleum.

"Bella, I don't know, okay!"

He stalked over to the doorframe and braced his arms on either side of it.

"I don't have any answers at the moment about anything. I have no idea who I am anymore. That's why I need to get out."

I was desperate. I started grasping at any excuse that came to hand. He wanted to feel guilty? Good. I'd make him fucking drown in guilt if it kept him with me.

"So, that's it then? You've just made the decision that 'you need time' and I don't get a say? You just walk out of here and go set up shop in your very own pity-pit while I lie here looking like I belong in a fucking MGM monster movie? How dare you!"

"Bella, I can't do this with you right now..."

"Oh, you can't? I'm sorry, how selfish of me. Please, pray tell, when would be a good time to convince my asshole of a boyfriend not to leave me? Is tomorrow good for you, Edward? Or perhaps you'd like to wait until all the shit we're NOT talking about forms a wall of pain and confusion around both of us so thick that we'll never be able to break through it. Maybe THEN it would be convenient!"

He spun around to look at me and his face was contorted with torment.

"Jesus Bella, you just don't get it, do you? I'm trying to NOT be the bad guy here. I'm trying NOT to hurt you! THAT'S why I'm leaving. I can't be here and FEEL all of this anger and hate because I'm terrified of what the hell I'll do, okay? If I stay here and look at you, then my brain overloads with images of you with James' cock in your mouth, or you with countless men fucking you or being fucked by you, or me pounding James' face until I fucking cracked his skull open because it made me so damn crazy to think about all the things he did to you, and all the things he made you do to him, and I feel fucking useless because no matter how much I love you and how much I want us to work, and how much I'd like to say that none of that shit matters and we can just pick up where we left off, I'd be lying, because it DOES fucking matter and we CAN'T pick up where we left off because neither of us are the same people we were before all this crap happened! And you sit there saying that I'm an asshole for wanting to leave when you don't even KNOW the extent of my assholery yet, because if you did you would be BEGGING me to go and never stain your life with my worthless presence again!"

He tugged at his hair roughly as his words continued to thrust out of him.

"You haven't heard how I fucked every groupie within groping distance regardless of age or marital status. You don't know how I got four minors high and then watched in horror and pleasure as they fucked me and each other. You don't know about the all the times I woke up lying in a pool of my own vomit after a week-long bender of drugs and alcohol - so disgusted with myself that I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror - and despising myself so much, that the only way I could bear the pain of how fucking pathetic I was, was to run right out and do it all over again! You have no idea that yesterday wasn't the first time my inner Madman has gone berserk, and it fucking scares the hell out me to tell you because you'll never look at me the same way again, but more than anything right now, I need you to know how much of an animal I can be because it's important that you understand why I'm leaving. So you need to know that as well as my murderous little rampage yesterday with James, twelve months ago, I almost killed another man – a bartender in Arizona - because the unsuspecting father-of-three had the audacity to stop serving me tequila when I was psychotic on Ice. Are those the actions of the man you thought you loved Bella, 'cause if they are, I'm thoroughly fucking ashamed of you! "

He stared at me and I knew the shock of what he just told me was written all over my face. I had always imagined Edward's past to be a standard, sanitized _True Hollywood Story_ about a spoiled rock-star out of control. I never imagined the truth would be so appalling and real.

He nodded in acknowledgment as he read the disappointment in my eyes.

He spat his words at me. "So now you know, huh? Now you know what I'm capable of and I can see exactly how you feel about it. So don't fucking tell me that we'll get through this, Bella. We've been living in a fucking fantasy-land with each other, hiding the parts of ourselves we're ashamed of and hoping that they wouldn't come back to bite us in the ass. Well, guess what? They have, and if you were honest with yourself, you wouldn't be able to sit there and tell me that what I did yesterday didn't turn your fucking stomach, because if I thought for one second that you could witness that side of me and not be sickened beyond all belief, then you're not the person I thought you were."

He glared at me, panting heavily.

I knew he was waiting for me to deny it, to tell him he was wrong, to say that seeing him almost destroy James wasn't the most frightening thing I'd ever seen, but if I did, he knew I'd be lying. It was all the more frightening because knowing that the man I loved was capable of such violence brought all-too-familiar images of Phil beating me and my mother flooding through my brain, and part of me yelled to get away from Edward before he turned that violence on me. The other part of me hugged itself quietly because it knew that if he left – when he left - he would hurt me more than if he broke every bone in my body.

I looked down, and I heard his breathing hitch. "So, Bella," he said quietly, "are you still so sure that we can get through this, together?"

I brought my eyes up to his. "If I said yes, would you stay?"

He shook his head and my heart splintered and cracked.

"Then why even bother asking?" I said more harshly than I intended.

I sighed and tried to rein in my emotions.

_Ok__ay, I can deal with this. He needs time? He can have it. Maybe I could also use some time to process everything he just told me. We both just need to put this whole thing in perspective and then we'll get back on track. We'll talk things through in a few days - a week, tops - and laugh about how freaked out we both were. We'll be fine. _

I vaguely registered that my logic was stumbling and erratic, but I needed to anchor my hopes to something or I would lose myself in the dread that was rising all around me.

"Where will you go?" I asked quietly.

He took in a ragged breath. "To my parents...in Seattle. I'll stay with them for a few days and then head to San Francisco to start the promo tour. Alice has rescheduled things to give me a few days to...recuperate."

_A few days with his parents? See? No problem. I could handle a few days. _

"Ok...well...good. You go have some time with your parents and then I'll meet you San Francisco and we can take it from there..."

"Bella, you need time to heal..."

"Edward, I'll be fine. You need someone to go with you."

"Alice is sending Bree."

My brain faltered.

"What?"

He looked at me but stayed silent.

"Edward, Bree would drive you insane before you even got off the plane."

"Bella..."

"I mean, really, the girl has a massive crush on you..."

"Bella..."

"I've been preparing for this trip for weeks, Edward, she has no idea what's involved, and besides, this was going to be OUR trip, together, you showing me all the things I've never seen..."

"Bella!" He slapped the portable table near my bed with such force, the cup of water on it up-ended and dribbled quietly to the floor. I looked in his eyes. They were like ice.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."

I bit my lip, fighting the panic that was rising inside me.

_He...doesn't...want me?_

_But he just needs time, right? I'm willing to give him time. Why is that not enough for him? _

I spoke slowly, carefully blocking the cold realization that was probing my mind, trying to break through my thin barrier of desperate denial."Edward, when you said 'time apart', I thought you were talking about a couple of days to think things through and let the dust settle."

My voice fluttered and wavered with emotion. I swallowed hard.

"The promo tour goes for almost a month."

He looked at the floor. "I know."

_Oh, Jesus. _

My denial shattered into a million pieces, shredding me internally like razor sharp shrapnel.

_This is not happening. This is not 'time' – this is something else entirely._

"And at the end of that month?" I whispered, not even pretending to want to truly hear his answer.

He looked at the water slowly dripping onto cold floor. "I don't know."

I joined him in watching the dripping water, mesmerized as the tear-drop shaped droplets plummeted and exploded onto the unforgiving floor. I clenched my jaw shut so the hysterical scream building inside me wouldn't tear out of my mouth and take my sanity with it.

I looked at him. His brows were furrowed, hooding the blazing pools of his eyes, and his mouth was set in a grim, determined line. Everything about the way he looked set off warning bells inside me, telling me to steel my heart against an impending, inevitable rupture.

I tried to stop the rapid trembling that was beginning to shake me, but when I spoke, my voice sounded tremulous and unsteady.

"Edward, a month isn't 'taking time', is it?"

I watched his chest rise and fall, cringing as I forced myself to state the gut-wrenching obvious.

"Edward...a month is...breaking up with me."

His chest moved faster and I saw him grip the metal bedrail so tightly his knuckles turned white. His jaw clenched strongly and pain crossed his face.

I swallowed my brewing rage and whispered my frantic pleadings.

"Edward, please...tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that's not what you want...please."

His hand came up to his eyes and he rubbed them viciously. "Bella, don't do this..."

"I'm not doing anything, Edward," I cried plaintively. "I'm sitting here, lacerated and useless while the man I love decides he hasn't hurt me enough for one day and so proceeds to slice open my broken heart to truly make sure I'm suffering."

His eyes snapped to mine and I almost groaned at the pain and frustration and guilt and self-loathing I saw there. He looked away and my heart ached for him.

Fuck, I wanted to beat his stupidity out of him. I wanted to rip away the tainted thoughts that were poisoning his confused brain. I wanted to destroy the fucking demon inside him that made him feel anything less than astonishing and beautiful and...mine.

He turned away and suddenly my desperation and hysteria exploded out of me.

I had to get out.

I squirmed in my bed, trying to drag my heavy arms as I lurched out onto the cold floor. I stumbled and fell, and when I felt Edward's hands pull me to my feet I shrugged them off violently.

"Don't you fucking touch me!" I yelled angrily as he stepped back in surprise. "You've made your choice about us Edward, so you don't get to touch me anymore!"

I glared at him as every piece of uncertainty and hurt and betrayal tumbled out of my mouth in a stream of frenzied vitriol.

"Fuck you, Edward!" I cried. "If you don't think we're worth fighting for then fuck you! I can't be the only one trying to save this relationship. I love you, and I KNOW that we have shit to work out, but if you're incapable of dragging your head out of your ass long enough to see that you're throwing away the best thing that ever happened to you, then you deserve to wallow in your own misery. I hope you fucking drown in it! You can't handle being a grown-up? Fine. Go! Run away! You're too fucking stupid to see that the person you're running from is yourself, idiot! I know. I've been there!"

He took a deep breath and looked at me. "Bella, please...don't..."

My madness knew no bounds. I spewed random, irrational thoughts at him, desperate to hurt him and hate him as much as I possibly could before he walked out the door and left me a broken, mindless mess.

"Don't do what, Edward?" I spat acidly. "Don't throw a shit-fit because you want to gallivant around the countryside as a single man while you try to 'find yourself'? Fuck me! Do you think it's possible you might 'find yourself' cock-deep in groupies again, Edward?

His eyes fluttered and closed.

_That's right, fucker, it hurts doesn't it? If I make you feel a FRACTION of the hurt you've just inflicted on me, I'll be satisfied. _

His eyes opened again and begged me to stop. I ignored him and said the most base, blasphemous thing I could possibly think of.

"Well, what about me?" I cried desperately. "Do you expect me to just sit on my ass and pine for you? What if I find someone else while you're gone, Edward, how would that be?"

His face crumpled with pain, but he held my gaze. "I hope you do, Bella. I really hope you do."

My body almost exploded with fury. Tears leapt into my eyes and fell in streams as I watched the man I loved struggle to cope with the pain I was inflicting upon him.

My panicked eyes pleaded with him.

_Please Edward...please, change your mind. Stay with me. Fight for us. Don't go. _

He exhaled heavily, and I knew he was already gone. "I'll call you."

I laughed, beyond caring that I sounded like a crazy person. "You'll...you'll fucking CALL me? That's all you have to say for yourself? You'll CALL me?"

My face disintegrated and sobs began punctuating my speech as a fresh wave of pain bombarded my body.

"That's what you're going to leave me with...after all that we've given to each other? Christ, you're unbelievable! I'm sitting here with my soul ripped out and...you...you'll call me? Jesus...Edward..."

I wanted to run to him and beat him and kiss him and rip the memories of the past twenty-four hours away from him and force him to stay and love me. Instead, I cried, pathetically, unable to even lift my arms to cover my face.

"Bella, I'm sorry..."

I crumpled to the floor, my monster arms hanging uselessly by my side. Tears and mucus and happiness leaked out of me uncontrollably and I limply lifted my head to look at him one last time.

"Get out. That's obviously what you want to do, Edward, so just fucking go...and don't you dare fucking call me."

I had spent my life pushing my emotions down, keeping a lid on my pain, but when I met Edward he made me believe that it was safe to feel again. He'd punctured my cast-iron heart and filled all of the holes that had been left by abuse and hurt and betrayal with love and acceptance and passion, and now he was ripping all of that away, causing the holes to tear and bleed, ravaging my emotional control like a virulent disease.

I couldn't stop crying. My body heaved with the force of my sobs, and I couldn't do anything about it.

"You can't just...tell me you don't want me...and then expect to talk to me...on the phone. You know how this works...better than anyone. If I hear your voice I'll want more...I'll want it all...and you can't give me that, can you?"

The last piece of my heart shattered in the silence between us.

"It's all or nothing, Edward, and you've chosen nothing."

He looked at me, tears streaming down his beautiful face, and I whimpered pathetically as I saw my pain reflected and magnified in his eyes. I glared at him through my tears, one half of me despising myself for hurting him and the other half begging for me to hurt him more.

I looked down at my bandaged arms, my brain trying to process what was happening to us. I shook my head with frustration and disbelief.

"It's not supposed to be like this..." I whispered, talking to myself but knowing he could hear me. "We were supposed to tell each other our sins calmly, quietly, reverently. We should have cried and held each other and made love and told one another that it would be alright, and it would be, because we were together and in love and unable to live without each other."

I looked up at Edward. His eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes were closed. His chest was trembling with unreleased agony.

"It shouldn't be like this...should it?"

He opened his eyes and even though they were bright with moisture, I could tell that nothing I said at this point would make any difference.

I swallowed the pain I was feeling, pushing it down so I wouldn't make even more of a fool of myself and beg him to stay.

He turned to go. My heart thudded violently against my chest and tried to go with him.

"Edward..." I could barely speak. Every fiber of my being was struggling against the all-consuming misery that was systematically metastasizing throughout my body.

He stopped in the doorway, but didn't turn around. I took a deep breath and spoke the only words I could think of to say.

"I love you."

I saw his shoulders hitch a few times before he replied in a low, rough voice, "I love you too..." and then...he was gone.

* * *

**Author Notes**

**Don't hate me. Edward has some shit to work through. ****I**** promise it won't take too long.**

**If you want to slap me, the review button is right there.**

**Kiya x**


	19. Exit Strategy

**Chapter Notes**

**The response to the last chapter was incredible. Thanks to all those who take the time to review – ****I**** love each and every one of you.**

**A lot of people are pretty pissed at Edward at the moment, and let me just say, he has been on foot massage duty all week to try and make up for what he made me do to Bella. Nevertheless, he wanted a chance to try and explain, and because he asked me really nicely (and took his shirt off) ****I**** decided to help him out.**

**To Catty-Wan, my invaluable mentor, advisor and Beta – ****I**** love you more than you know...thank you.**

**Disclaimer: SM own these characters. ****I**** own an indecently large amount of Rob-porn. *sigh***

**Enjoy****!**

**Chapter 19 – Exit Strategy**

**EPOV**

I strode manically down the hospital hallway, away from Bella - the woman I loved. The woman whose heart I had just shattered into a thousand agonizing pieces in a desperate attempt to protect her from the animal I had become. I was half-blind from tears and pain, and frantic to find something – anything - to distract me from the rage that had been boiling violently inside me from the moment I saw James wrapped around her like a fucking psychotic python yesterday afternoon.

The memory of him pressing the knife against her throat so hard that a lazy drop of precious red stained the perfection of her skin blasted through my fevered brain, chipping away at my already shaky control. I physically winced as an image of her beautiful mouth wrapped around the reptile's cock thrust itself into my unbearable torment, impossibly adding more fuel to my torturous flame. I felt a growl rip out of my chest and noticed a nearby nurse moved quickly away from the blood-stained crazy man. I sought escape and solitude and unlikely serenity, and found none of those things as I hurtled around the corner and smacked into my sister.

I stopped dead. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her face was crimson with anger. I wiped my damp cheeks with my shirt sleeve, letting the salty evidence of my heinous actions with Bella seep into the already tainted fabric.

Alice glared - her eyes burned into me painfully, latching onto my shame and disgust and using them as fuel for her blazing retribution.

"You are the STUPIDEST motherfucker to ever walk this fucking planet, aren't you, brother?" she seethed through teeth clenched so hard I could actually hear the enamel wearing away. "Do you have ANY idea what you've just done? Any CONCEPT of the damage you have just inflicted – not just on Bella, who, by the way, will probably never recover from the purgatory you've just resigned her to – but also on me, because, AS USUAL, I'm going to have to stay here and clean up another one of your fuck-awful and completely avoidable messes – and finally, and least importantly, on your own IMMEASURABLY stupid self?!"

My face burned with shame as she glared at me, and my fists clenched as the guilt of what I'd just done thundered through my brain. "What do you want me to say, Alice?" I seethed back. "Do you want me to tell you that I'm sorry? I am. Do you want me to go back and change it? I fucking can't. Do you want me to feel ashamed? I do – and before you say anything else, let me tell you, there is no possible way you can be more disgusted with me at this moment than I already am with myself, so unless you want to waste any more time trying to make me feel bad, get the fuck out of my way because I have a plane to catch."

Faster than I could register, she rocked forward and punched me in face. I shook my head, trying to clear the force of the blow as pain shot through me, momentarily interrupting my ever-present fury. I stared at my tiny, powerful sister. She glared back at me with a mixture of horror and satisfaction, panting heavily, fists still balled at her side.

"Again," I ordered firmly.

Her eyes widened slightly. A flash of anger flickered across her face before she pulled back her arm and socked me in the same place, her tiny knuckles leaving ridges of pain across my jaw. I rubbed the rapidly swelling skin and looked back at her. The fire in her eyes dimmed slightly.

"Feel better?" I rasped through the blissfully distracting pain.

Her chin lifted slightly as her posture relaxed. "Yes."

"Want to hit me again?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to?"

"No."

"Good. That fucking hurt."

I stepped around her and continued down the hallway, ignoring the laser-burn that was singing the back of my head. As I turned the corner I felt her fall in step beside me, her legs scrambling to keep up with my determined strides.

"You couldn't just leave it alone could you? I TOLD you to just fucking go if that's what you had to do and let me make your excuses to Bella. I could have told her that you needed some time to recover – to be by yourself - you didn't have to fucking break-up with her! But no...I leave you alone for five minutes so I can book your flight and you go and ruin everything!"

"Alice, it's not fair for her to go on thinking that we're going to ride off into the sunset like fucking Cinderella and her psychotic prince, alright? She deserves to be with someone who can PROTECT her from mindless violence, not someone who fucking specializes in it."

"Edward, you are such an enormous DUMBFUCK!! You WERE protecting her from a man who would have very probably KILLED her...AND you. Why are you so stubbornly determined to forget that fact?"

I spun around to face her and grabbed her delicate shoulders, shaking her slightly as I tried to make her understand my indefensible actions.

"Alice, how much danger do you think she was in when James was unconscious on the floor, huh? Do you honestly think she might have injured herself tripping over his comatose body, because according to your theory I must have been fucking terrified of that occurring to justify me continuing to pummel him until my fucking knuckles split! And by your standards, how the hell do you explain what I did to HER? She was trying to HELP me, Alice. She was trying to tame the fucking Madman who was out of his mind with rage and jealousy and vengeance, and look what happened to her. She's being held together with goddamn needle and thread, Alice, and I DID THAT TO HER! ME! The man who is supposed to love her and protect her and KEEP HER FROM FUCKING HARM! I lacerated her arms and her trust and her love when I threw her onto that coffee table, and I sure as hell severed any deluded hope I had that I could ever be the man who deserved to make a life with her, because if THAT'S what I'm capable of inflicting when she's trying to HELP me, I'm fucking terrified to find out what I might do to her if she ever PISSES ME OFF!"

Alice whimpered in pain. I looked down to see my fingertips buried in her soft flesh. I dropped my hands in horror and squeezed my eyes shut. Jesus, I was unravelling faster by the second.

I balled my fists at my sides and clenched them until the ache of my ravaged knuckles calmed the flood of fury that was steadily dribbling out of me. I opened my eyes to see fear in the face of my sister – the one person who had always stood by me, and defended me, and dragged me kicking and screaming into the world of sobriety and control – my loving sister who now stood in front of me and was scared of who she saw.

"See Alice, THIS is why I'm leaving. You've never been scared of me a day in your life, and look at you now – fucking terrified that I'm going to lose control with you – you of all people. Tell me, why the hell would you want to subject your best friend – the most incredible woman I have ever known - to the nightmare that is me?"

Alice composed herself quickly and slapped me hard across the face.

_Jesus fucking Christ!_

"Idiot! Do you honestly think that this is who you are now? That you've magically turned into a demented, uber-violent asshole? You're in shock, Edward. You've been through an incredibly traumatic experience and this is obviously how your trauma manifests."

"And the bartender in Arizona, Alice? Do you have an excuse for my behavior there too?"

She scowled. "Edward, you KNOW that was the drugs. It wasn't you."

I sighed and shook my head, struggling to keep my voice steady as I voiced the one paralyzing fear that had been careening through my head since I saw Bella unconscious and bleeding in front of me. "What if it _was _me, Alice?" I said softly, looking into my sister's desperate eyes. "What if it's not the drugs or the shock or any other lame-ass excuse I desperately want to believe? What if it's just who I am?"

She touched my swollen cheek and stroked it gently. "It's not."

"Are you certain?" I challenged her quietly. "How much would you be willing to wager, Alice? How about Bella's life? Would you be willing to risk that on your hopeful theory? Are you THAT certain?"

She blinked several times as my words penetrated her brain and spread my self-loathing logic like a cancer. I grimaced at her silent denial. "I didn't think so."

I flopped down into one of the plastic chairs that lined the corridor, suddenly feeling the weight of the last few hours in my aching body and mind. "I have to go, sis. I have to get away from her, at least until I figure myself out."

I looked up, pleading with her to see things from my side. "I lost control with her today, Alice, and I still shudder to think that if one piece of that jagged glass landed a different way, she could be dead now – and it would be my fault." A sharp pain shot through my chest at the very thought and my jaw spasmed involuntarily. "You know me, Alice. All my life I've been a selfish creature, taking what I needed from wherever I pleased and not giving a shit about the consequences. Well, now the consequences are right in front of me. They're lying in a hospital bed and it makes me fucking sick to my core. I'm trying to not be selfish here. I'm trying to do what I think is best for Bella, and at the moment, that involves me being far away from her. I'm out of control Alice, and until I find away to pull myself together, I can not – I _will _not – risk hurting her again. Please tell me you understand."

Alice glared at me for a moment, shaking her head in disbelief and mumbling under her breath. "I don't believe I'm actually enabling this ridiculous guilt trip of yours." She thrust a tiny finger in my face and waggled it menacingly. "Don't fucking move!" she yelled before she stomped down the hallway and disappeared around the corner.

I dropped my head into my hands and tugged on my hair, breathing through the stampede of emotions that was galloping out of control through my body. My mind dredged up the image of Bella, crumpled on the floor like a rag-doll, tears streaming down her face as she convulsed, sobbing as I broke her heart. As long as I lived, I would never forget that moment. It was the moment my heart ruptured completely, unable to stay with the woman I loved and unable to leave her, splitting in two so it could do both.

I was startled when a leather overnight bag slammed on the floor in front of me. I looked up at Alice. "What's this?"

She narrowed her eyes. "It's a fucking north-African tree frog, what the fuck do you think it is?" She kicked it toward me. "There are fresh clothes and toiletries in there. Do you honestly think they're going to let you on a plane looking like that?"

I picked up the bag and attempted to smile at my sister. She blanched in horror. "Jesus Edward, are you going to throw up?"

I stood up and wrapped my arms around her. "Thank you, Alice."

She laid her head on my chest, and for a moment I pretended things were different and easy and right – but they weren't, and so I had to go.

I took her head in my hands and kissed her forehead. "Take care of her for me," I whispered as the burning pain in my chest returned.

"You know I will."

I walked toward the door, wincing as the final threads connecting my rendered heart snapped and frayed.

"Edward?" I turned to see my beautiful sister, silent tears streaming down her face. "Get your shit together and come back to us, ok? Come back to us and make things right."

I nodded, blinking back my own tears. I promised her the only thing I could. "I'll try."

***

**APOV**

"Bella, put it down on the counter and step away....now."

"No, Alice...I need to do this. It's the only thing that will ease the pain."

"Bella, you haven't even tried anything else. Come on, if you do this now, you will hate yourself later."

"I don't care, Alice! I'm doing this, so either get on board or go away."

I watched in disgust as Bella ripped the lid off her third tub of Hoboken Crunch and started devouring it determinedly. She was fucking out of control, and as I lunged across the counter to try and remove the spoon from her ice-cream covered hand, she snarled and stalked back into her bedroom, slamming the door loudly as she went.

_Fuck_.

It had been five days since Edward left, four days since she'd been discharged from hospital, three days since she'd stopped crying, two days since she'd decided she was only going to consume frozen dairy snacks, and one day since the bandages and stitches had been removed.

I was shocked when I first saw the angry red lines that blazed across her porcelain skin, but I had to admit that since the bandages had come off, she seemed to be healing really quickly, at least physically. She tried to convince me that it was the ice-cream – silly bitch.

I walked over to her bedroom door, wondering if I should risk life and limb to remove her growing addiction.

When I brought her home from the hospital, we had moved into a three bedroom apartment a few blocks away from the hotel. I was optimistic in getting three bedrooms, considering there was only the two of us, but I was hoping against hope that Edward would come back to us. I knew Bella wouldn't want to go back to the penthouse, and although Charlie had offered to let her stay with him, I needed to be with her. She was my best friend – Jesus, she was my _only_ friend – and some part of me knew that she and Edward would be together one day, after he finished going through his oh-I'm-so-tortured-and-unworthy-of-you-that-I'll-hurt-you-beyond-all-belief-to-protect-you-from-me-hurting-you-beyond-all-belief phase. Also, our new apartment block had excellent security and so far, the screamers and the papps hadn't figured out where it was.

_Jesus, the papps._

The press had a fucking field-day when they found out what had happened with James. When I got back to the hotel the night Edward left, the place was swarming with photographers and reporters, all hungry for the juicy, blood-soaked details of the rock-star home-invasion drama. They were all sprouting the story of how Edward had saved his girlfriend from a potential murderer, making him out to be a hero, an avenging angel – and it wasn't doing anything to help calm my brother's fucked-up state of mind.

I had called him a couple of times to see how he was holding up at Mom and Dad's, and each time he had sounded just as frightened and angry as he was when he left. Mom was trying her best to help him, encouraging him to paint or meditate or join her Ashtanga yoga class to purge his guilt, but he refused, spending his time pacing around the house like a caged tiger, snapping at her and Dad over the slightest things and generally being a royal pain in the Asstard.

When we spoke of the phone I could hear the anger and frustration leaking through his voice.

"Alice, have you seen the fucking papers? Can't you do anything about the shit they're saying?"

"Edward, this is the most positive press you've received in a long time – why the hell would I want to do anything about it? Everyone thinks you're a hero."

I could hear him exhale heavily. "Are they going to ask me about this stuff in interviews?"

"Probably. It's all anyone is talking about at the moment."

He groaned and sighed. "Well, what if I refuse to discuss it?"

"Edward, you don't have a choice. Even if I issue a veto on certain questions, you _know _they will ignore it and ask them anyway, so you'd better get some fucking answers prepared so you don't look like a complete dumb-ass."

He paused, and when he spoke again his voice was low and rough. "What the hell am I supposed to say? "Yes, I'm a fucking hero. I beat the shit out of an unconscious man and then sliced up my girlfriend? ""

"Edward, stop saying that..."

"Fuck me, Alice – I can't do this."

"Yes you can, Edward, and you will. I've scaled back the interviews as much as I can but you need to stick to the schedule...please, for me."

I knew that the tour was going to be tough on him. He hated doing promotion at the best of times, and at the moment he was more fucked-up than I'd ever seen him, but I knew without a doubt that if I cancelled the tour it would just give him more time to fume and self-flagellate and I couldn't let that happen. "Besides, I think you need this to take your mind off of things for a while, don't you?"

He was silent on the other end of the phone, and I cursed my inability to magically reach through the phone and hold him. He'd come so far in getting his life together, he'd triumphed over so many of his addictions, and just when it looked like he was finally settled and happy, this happens.

"How are you feeling?" I asked softly.

He sighed. "I feel like shit, Alice. I'm just so fucking angry – all the time. I know I'm taking it out on Mom and Dad, but I can't seem to help myself. I don't know what to do."

"Edward, Jasper has a friend who specializes in this type of thing. I've already spoken to him about you, and if you agree, I can arrange to have him come on tour with you – help you get through it. What do you think?"

"Is he a shrink?" he asked doubtfully.

"Not exactly, but Jasper seems to think he could really help you."

Jasper felt awful about the whole debacle. He had seen Edward the day of the attack and was beating himself up about the fact that Edward was obviously hiding his anger issues and he hadn't picked it up.

I could almost see Edward run his fingers through his hair, as he considered my proposal. "Fine, Alice, whatever. It's not as though he could make me feel any worse, right?"

I silently punched the air in victory. "Great. I'll make the arrangements."

He went quiet then and I knew what was coming next. "How is she?"

_Jesus. What did he expect me to say? She's fine? She doesn't look like a lost soul escaped from a hell dimension?_ "She's....hurting, Edward. She misses you."

There was a long silence, and for a moment I thought he had hung up on me. "Edward?"

"I miss her too," he said quietly. His voice was dark with emotion and I would have given anything at that moment to take away his pain.

I hadn't spoken to him since yesterday. I'd been a bit busy trying to derail Bella, Queen of ice-cream, and now, here I was, trembling in my Manolos, about to stage an intervention between Bella and her Homer Hudson. I took in a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Go away, Alice." Bella's voice sounded muffled and wrong.

I pushed on the door handle and was surprised to find it unlocked. As I entered, I could see Bella lying on her side on the bed, her tub of ice-cream forgotten on the night-stand. She was taking huge breaths in and out, and I thought that she was crying. I padded softly toward the bed, stopping short when I saw a familiar suitcase open on the floor.

It was Edward's suitcase. It had contained everything from the penthouse that I hadn't yet unpacked into his new bedroom. Bella had obviously found it and dumped it out on the bed, wrapping herself in his clothes and inhaling them deeply.

I leaned down to stroke her hair and she jumped a little.

"Bella, what are you doing, honey?" I asked gently.

She sighed and hugged the empty clothes tighter to her chest. "I don't know, Alice," she whispered, loneliness and pain echoing in her tremulous voice. I pulled her head into my lap, willing the hurt my brother had caused her to go away. She looked up at me with anguished eyes. "Have you spoken to him?"

I didn't know how much I should tell her, how much was healthy for her to hear. "Yes."

She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. "How is he?"

I sighed heavily. "Do you really want to know?"

I felt her stiffen in my lap and she paused, considering my question. "Yes."

I stroked her hair and she relaxed against me.

"He's completely fucked, Bells. I thought I'd seen my brother in every state of mind I could imagine - from calm and loving, to batshit-crazy, and every shade of madness in between - but this? He's suffering unbelievably. He can't cope with the fact that he hurt you. He's in pain, he's confused and he's missing you. In a nutshell, he's a fucking mess."

She dropped her eyes, snuggling down into my lap and sighing contentedly. "Good."

***

Ten minutes later Bella was snoring quietly to herself. I eased her off of me and closed the door as I pulled out my cell phone and dialed a familiar number.

He answered. "Hello?'

_Crap._ The phone slipped from my grip and I juggled it like a hot potato before gripping it tightly and bringing it back up to my ear. I heard Jasper chuckle. "Sounds like you caught it that time, babe. At least you're improving. Good job."

I blushed and fumed simultaneously. "Well I wouldn't have an issue with my phone gripping skills if you didn't insist on oozing sex all over my phone and making it slippery in the first place."

"Hmmm..." he breathed, making my nipples harden immediately. "Sounds to me like you might just need to practise your gripping technique...."

_Oh for the love of all that's good and Holy. He's actually TRYING to make my pink-bits explode._

I attempted to control my raging hormones and put on my sexiest vamp voice. "Why, Dr. Hale, whatever did you have in mind?"

He groaned loudly and I fought the urge to lick my phone as his ridiculously hot sex-voice seeped out of it. "Oh, Christ, Alice, I think you know very well what I'd like you to be gripping in those strong little hands of yours." He groaned again and I swear to God the phone actually jumped out of my hands.

I grabbed it frantically before snapping, "Ok, just fucking stop it, alright? It's not funny anymore."

He guffawed loudly and even THAT made my sexy parts tingle. "I beg to differ Miss Cullen" he said lightly, his voice sounding all smiley and smug. "I think it's absolutely adorable."

I hated the fact that he could remain all cool and calm when we spoke on the phone, while I turned into a quivering mass of traitorous titillations. It just wasn't fucking fair. "Yeah, well, let's see how adorable you think it is when I finally get to be in the same room with you and decide to keep my legs crossed all night," I blurted acidly.

He gasped in horror. "Alice...don't even joke about that."

He had a point. Even though Jasper and I had been...intimate on more than one occasion, we hadn't ever actually had sex. Nearly all of our encounters took place over the phone. I mean, I had only kissed the man once - in our very first therapy session - and although I greatly enjoyed the resulting session of over-the-clothes-gropage, I desperately needed more.

The night we were due to have hot trench-coat sex our plans were unexpectedly aborted when I got a frantic phone call from Edward screaming about how he had hurt Bella before I even got to Jasper's apartment, and since then I had been spending every waking moment with Bella. To say that I was sexually frustrated was the fucking understatement of the century.

My need to physically see, touch, and taste Jasper was now becoming beyond painful, and I knew that he was finding our separation unbearable too. I mean, for fuck's sake, the man had made me come ten ways from Sunday and I hadn't even seen him naked yet. Even the most warped fiction writer in the world couldn't come up with a scenario that ridiculous.

"How's Bella?" Jasper asked, sincere concern coloring his voice, making him even more impossibly sexy.

"Zombie-esque"

"Talking?"

"Very little."

"Eating?"

"Ice-cream."

"Crying?"

"Not anymore."

"Where is she now?"

"Well, she's currently asleep on her bed, surrounded by Edwards clothes which she randomly sniffs and gropes at regular intervals."

"Uh huh. So, still pining then."

"Wow, Dr Hale, thank you for that insightful and in-depth psychological analysis."

"You're welcome, Miss Cullen. That'll be three-hundred bucks."

I laughed and desperately wished that he was with me so I could kiss his beautiful mouth and let him know how much he meant to me.

I heard him sigh and knew he was thinking the same thing. "Alice, when am I going to be able to see you? In person?"

"Jas, I don't know. I really have to be here for Bella at the moment. I'd hate to think she finally got to a place where she wants to talk and then found out she was all alone. That would kill her, and me."

"But sweetheart, you can't be there ALL the time. It's just not possible. You have to come up with a plan B."

I sat on my bed and rubbed my eyes. "I actually have thought of a plan B. There's someone who lives in our building who might be willing to come and spend some time with Bella. If it was doable, I'd be able to go out for a while without dying from guilt."

"Is this someone Bella knows?"

"Yes, and I actually think she would enjoy spending time with them."

"So what are you waiting for?"

"Well, I'm just not sure how it will all work out."

"Alice, listen to me very carefully. Bella will be absolutely fine with your friend. It will all work out because it will allow you to come over here and let me do all the things to you that I have been fantasizing and dreaming about for the past three years."

I swallowed as my body exploded at the thought. "Well, when you put it that way, get your freak on Dr. Mc I'm-finally-going-to-bed-the-woman-whose-uterus-has-been-pining-for-my-fuck-hot-gorgeous-cock-since-the-day-she-first-met-me, cause I'm making the call!"

"You do that. Then you get that delectable ass over here as fast as you can. I give you permission to break the law if necessary."

"Oh, hell, yes."

I hit the cancel button, quickly scrolling through my phonebook to find the number I needed. I punched send and paced nervously as I waited.

_Please pick up, please pick up._

"Hello?"

_Oh thank you, pink and powdered baby Jesus!_

"Hey, it's Alice...I need a favor."

***

Twenty minutes later I was showered, horny and impatient as hell as I paced up and down in my bright red trench-coat and sky-high fuck-me heels. I squealed excitedly when I finally heard a tentative knock. I wrenched the door open and threw myself into the arms of a very surprised Brit.

"Jesus, shorty, if I'd known that you missed me this much I would have popped in ages ago."

I kissed him quickly on the cheek and dragged him inside.

"God, Rob, thank you so much for doing this. I can' tell you how much I appreciate it."

"No problem. I missed you guys. It's a shame about Edward though – I would have never thought in a million years that he would leave Bella – the boy was crazy in love her."

"Yeah well, Edward's incredible propensity for fucking things up permeates all those around him. I'd like to think that they'll find a way to get through this, but I really don't know."

His eyebrows raised in surprise. "Really? Wow...." Rob looked around the apartment furtively. "So...um...does that mean that Bella is back on the market?"

I reached out and tweaked his nipples viciously through his T-shirt. "Ow, FUCK, Alice!"

"Pattinson, you are here to baby-sit, alright? Nothing more. Bella does NOT need you trying out your smooth British moves on her at the moment, ok? So keep your tongue in your mouth and your dick in your pants and just be a fucking friend ok?"

He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "A 'fucking' friend?"

I nipple-crippled him again. He slapped my fingers away and placed his hands protectively over his chest. "Jesus, Alice, fucking stop it would you? I have very sensitive nips as it is. I don't need you screwing with them and making them even more self-conscious."

I giggled and handed him a manila folder. "Right, listen up, limey – in here is a full summary of topics that you may and may not discuss with Bella, as well as list of movies and music that must be avoided at all costs."

He flicked through it casually. "Movies to be avoided - The Notebook, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Love Story, anything starring Steven Seagal..." He looked at me questioningly.

I rolled my eyes. "Have you ever seen a Seagal movie?"

"No."

"You REALLY don't want to."

His face darkened as he got to the memo about banned music. "Hang on a minute – what the hell is this? "Music to be avoided - Anything by R. Pattinson?" He glowered at me, and for once he had _me _squirming. "What the fuck, Alice? You've banned MY music?"

"Ok, settle down Pattsy, don't get your panties in a bunch..."

He slapped the folder down on the kitchen counter and crossed his arms over his chest. "Would you care to explain WHY you've banned my music, Alice? It is not good enough for you or something?"

"Rob, no, listen. I LOVE your music. I think it's remarkable, and your voice is beautiful – stunning really. Even your mumbling can't spoil your incredible appeal, but..." He glared and gave me the wind-up signal, telling me to get on with it - "It's just that...well...don't take this the wrong way...because I have the utmost respect for you – musically I mean..."

"Alice! Just fucking spit it out, will you!?"

I closed my eyes and blurted, "Your music makes girls want to have sex, and I don't think it would be wise for Bella to be listening to that kind of stuff at the moment considering she won't be riding her favourite cock-pony anytime in the near future."

A ridiculously insane grin spread across the adorable Brit's face, making his eyes almost disappear as his dazzling teeth blinded me. "My music makes you want to shag?" He nodded his head enthusiastically. "That's fucking BRILLIANT!"

I shook my head with embarrassment. "See, this is why I didn't want to tell you."

He quickly composed his self-satisfied smirk and held his hands out in a picture of absolute innocence. "Never fear, tiny woman. The fact that you think my music is fuck-hot will be a secret I will take to my grave."

I snorted. "I'll believe that when I see it Mr. I-lack-even-the-most-basic-of-mental-filters-Pattinson."

He laughed and scratched his forehead with his middle finger. "Bite me, oh short one."

I eye-balled his nipples and he suddenly went white with fear. "Don't tempt me, jaw-boy."

"Jaw-Boy?" He laughed nervously and waved his hands. "Never mind. I don't wanna know." He crossed his arms over his chest. "So...um...hadn't you better be going?"

I put a sticky note with Jasper's address on the front of the folder and grabbed my purse. "That's where I'm going to be tonight and you can reach me on my cell if you have any problems, but believe me when I say that if you call for anything less than a bona fide fucking apocalypse, I am going to kick your lanky British ass all the way back to the Mother-country, okay?"

He shoved his hands in his pockets and smiled. "Oh stop it, Alice, you're getting me hot. You know I love it when you threaten me with violence." I raised myself to my full height on my towering sex heels and smacked him across the top of the head. "Ow, Alice, I said the THREAT of violence gets me hot. ACTUAL violence just fucking hurts. Stop it."

I hugged him briefly, trying not to squeeze the delicate flower too hard. He pulled back and looked at me approvingly. "So, are you going to tell me who the lucky guy is who's world you're going to rock tonight?"

I narrowed my eyes at him and smiled as I watched him squirm. "Who said anything about meeting a man, Pattinson?"

"You didn't have to SAY anything, Cullen, it's pretty fucking obvious. The sexy shoes, the excess drool, the red-hot trench with nothing underneath it."

I gasped. "How the fuck did you figure that out?"

He shrugged. "I have an excellent no-underwear radar and it's going off like a blind man at a porn convention. Add all those elements together and I think that a certain tiny short person might just be getting laid tonight." He grinned mischievously and I couldn't help but grin back.

I desperately tried to contain my excitement at the thought of what was going to happen in Jasper's apartment tonight, but after a few seconds the glee burst out of me and I jumped up and down, squealing with delight and clapping my hands. "It's me! It's me! I'M the tiny short person who's going to get laid tonight!!"

Rob laughed and shook his head as Bella walked into the room, rubbing her eyes and dragging her fingers through her giant bed-hair. Her face lit up when she saw the scruffy Brit.

"Hey you," she said in the most enthusiastic voice I'd heard in days. "I thought I heard your voice."

Rob enveloped Bella in a warm hug and they squeezed each other tightly. Rob pulled back and took in Bella's dishevelled appearance. "Wow, Bella, you look hot." Apart from her hair, which hadn't been brushed or washed for the past few days and looked as though small rodent-like creatures were nesting in it, she was wearing a pair of my old yoga pants and one of Edward's Backstreet Boys T-shirts that was now smeared with ice-cream and bits of chocolate. Rob held her arms out from her body and hissed as he saw the bright red scars criss-crossing her pale skin.

"Christ, Swan, you really didn't need to go to all this effort you know." She looked at him questioningly and he gestured to her arms. "I mean you didn't need to mutilate yourself to get me to spend time with you. All you had to do was ask."

She grinned at him then reached out and pinched his nipples fiercely.

"FUCK! Why do you two have a goddamn vendetta against my nipples?!" He rubbed his chest and winced. "Jesus! What the hell did they ever do to you?"

For the first time in nearly a week Bella looked at me and laughed. It was like music to my ears. I hugged her quickly and took her hands in mine.

"Honey, I have to go out for a while. Will you be ok it I leave you here with Rob?"

She looked at him mischievously and he immediately put his hands on his pecs. "I'll be ok, Alice. I'm not sure he will be though."

He looked at her sarcastically. "Swan, you'd better be nice to me or else I'll crack open my dead-sexy singing talent and then you'll be all hot and frustrated and I'll just sit back and laugh."

Bella blinked at him a few times and then looked at me in confusion. "What the hell is he talking about?"

I shrugged and Rob glared at me. "I have no idea, honey. Well, gotta go – are you sure you'll be okay Bells?"

"God, Alice, of course. I've been feeling terrible that you've been spending all your time with me. I'm fine, really. Rob and I will have a great time together. Go and spend some time with Jasper."

Just the mention of Jasper's name started making my insides gooey, so I quickly hugged Bella and Rob walked me to the door. Bella strolled into the living room and flopped down onto the couch, flipping on the television and channel surfing aimlessly. I opened the door and stepped out into the hall, turning to give Rob his final instructions.

"Ok, so, take care of her, have fun, and for the love of God, please don't call me in the next four or five hours."

I hugged him and he kissed me on the cheek. "Have a bloody lovely time little one."

"Thanks, Rob. Oh, and PLEASE don't mention Edward – AT ALL - and for fuck's sake, don't let her eat any more ice-cream. I really don't want her slipping into a diabetic coma."

He rolled his eyes. "Jesus, Alice, you act like I've never comforted an ex-street-person who's just broken up with her rock-star boyfriend while her best friend runs off to get indecently boned. Do you think I'm a complete idiot?"

I smiled sweetly. "Of course not, honey. Not a COMPLETE idiot."

He squinted menacingly. "Leave now before I decide I REALLY need to go re-organize my underwear drawer."

I waved as I strode away. "Byeee. Thanks again."

The last thing I heard as Rob shut the door was him calling out to Bella. "So, Edward dumped you, huh? Wanna try to eat your own weight in ice-cream?"

_Fucking Pattinson._

***

Forty-five minutes later, I was standing outside Jasper's apartment and my heart was fluttering like a canary on crack. I had been pacing the hallway for ten minutes, desperately trying to get up the courage to knock on the door, knowing that when I did I would have the opportunity of having sex with the hottest man to ever draw breath, and undecided as to how that would make me feel.

For the fifth time in as many minutes I lifted my hand to knock, and stopped.

_Three years. It's taken me three long, sexually frustrated years to get here. Three years of waiting and dreaming and building up my fantasies of this man, and now, here I was, about to make all of those fantasies come true. I should be excited, right? I should be jumping out of my skin and slapping my own ass with delight, shouldn't I? _I dropped my hand._ Then why the hell am I so nervous?_

_Um, maybe because while you've been fantasizing about having sex with him all this time, he's been fantasizing about have sex with YOU, and maybe you're scared that you won't measure up to HIS fantasy._

_Well, shit. I wasn't scared about that, but now I am. Jesus. How the hell am I going to sexually compete with his undoubtedly perfect fantasy-Alice? _

I walked away from the door and took some deep breaths.

_Look, just knock on the door – what's the worst that could happen?_

_Um...let's see...he could take one look at little ole' I've-slept-with-exactly-six-men-in-my-whole-life-and-NONE-of-them-made-me-cum Alice and realize that fantasy-Alice is taller and prettier and sexier and more experienced and significantly less fucking intense than reality-Alice. THAT'S WHAT COULD HAPPEN!!_

I walked back to the door and put my hand on it to steady myself as my anxiety began to make me feel dizzy. God, suddenly, keeping the relationship between Jasper and me on a strictly telephonic level seemed like the best idea in the world. At least then I couldn't be rejected in favor of a hotter, more gorgeous and probably bigger-titted version of myself.

_Christ, I was crazy to think that someone like Jasper could possibly be interested in a mere mortal like me._

I took a deep breath and pushed it out in a long, calming stream.

_Ok, here's what we're going to do. We're going to go home and ring Jasper and tell him that we couldn't find anyone to babysit Bella. He'll understand, 'cause he's fucking perfect and we're just pathetic. He won't even know that we were here. On top of that, I'm now referring to myself as "we". Brilliant._

I was just about to turn and leave when Jasper's door opened suddenly, causing me to tumble forward into the arms of I-smell-so-damn-good-I-should-be-listed-as-a-goddamn-narcotic. He placed me gently back on my feet and stepped back, his blue eyes dark and blazing.

"Alice. Hi."

"Hi, Jasper. Um...I was just about to knock."

His eyes narrowed slightly, "Really?"

"Yes...I...was about to knock and wait for you to open the door but then, of course, you opened the door before I could knock so I didn't end up, you know...um...knocking."

He nodded slightly. "I see.

"Uh huh." We looked at each other.

Holy Mother of all things outrageously sexy. He was wearing a white button-down shirt, untucked, only being held together by the middle three buttons, giving me a tantilizing glimpse of his smooth, carved chest. On the bottom he wore a pair of dark fitted jeans that hugged his hips and thighs in a way that made me want to hump his leg shamelessly. He was barefoot, and his hair looked like he'd just been taken roughly in a wind tunnel. I desperately tried to co-ordinate the speech center of my brain as it struggled to process the enormous amount of pretty in front of me.

"So..." _Good one Alice, that's sure to get him hot..._

He swallowed and put his hands in his pockets. "So..."

He stood there, staring at me, and I suddenly wished I had escaped before he opened the door.

_He's not touching me._ _Why is he not touching me?_

Jesus, with the amount of sexual tension that has been building between us in the last week and a half I would have thought our sheer physical magnetism would have spontaneously ripped all of our clothes off the moment we were near each other, and yet, here we were – two feet apart and an embarrassingly large amount of clothing between us. Jasper's mere proximity was setting me on fire, but he continued to just stare at me, calmly.

_Crap. More proof that telephone-Alice is much more exciting than standing-in-the-hallway-and-gaping-like-a-goldfish-Alice._

"Um, Jasper?"

"Yes."

"Would it be ok if I came in?"

His eyes dropped to the ground. "That depends. Would you _like_ to come in, Alice?"

My heart started pounding. _Jesus, what the hell does that mean?_ "Um...would YOU like me to come in, Jasper?"

He looked me up and down, and as usual, I couldn't figure out what the hell the strange expression on his beautiful face was saying. "I'd like you to come in if you'd like to come in, Alice," he said cryptically. _Was this some kind of Psychologist Jedi mind trick? Or maybe a rabbit season-duck season thing? Who's on first?_

_Oh, for fuck's sake. Fine._ "Ok then. I'd like to come in, Jasper...please."

He sighed quietly, quickly closing the door behind me and ushering me into the living room. We stopped and looked at each other again before he asked, "Can I get you something to drink?"

I nodded as I looked around his apartment. _Christ in a clown-car – even his furniture was sexy._ "Um...yeah...Chardonnay?"

He nodded and disappeared into the kitchen, and I took the opportunity to wander around the room, shamelessly snooping through his books and CD's. I was studying his impressive collection of classic literature when his arm snaked around my shoulder, passing me a large glass of white wine. I could feel his body heat through the back of my trench coat, and my heart doubled its pace as I turned around to face him. I almost gasped as my body reacted to his proximity.

"You look beautiful, Alice."

My eyes fluttered and the wine glass suddenly felt like a lead weight in my hand.

"So do you," I sighed, painfully aware of how his piercing blue-gaze was affecting my desperately lonely and underused girl parts. I looked away and took a giant swig of the wine, wincing slightly as I swallowed, and sighing quietly as its mellow warmth spread through my body. When I looked back at Jasper, he hadn't moved. He was staring at me, intently, and I suddenly wished I had the ability to hear thoughts because Dr. Mc Hard-as-hell-to-read was sending me some confusing damn signals.

I watched as he slowly reached over and took my wine glass out of my hand, shuddering slightly as his fingers brushed mine, sending a litter of sparks across my skin. He bent down and placed both of our glasses on the coffee table before standing up and looking deep into my eyes.

"Alice," he breathed as he moved into me. "I want you." He reached out and trailed his fingertip down my cheek and onto my throat, suddenly making it impossible for me to breathe. "I've wanted you for three years, and I know that I can give you pleasure like you've never known...if you'll let me." His finger continued down my chest, gently tracing the line of my cleavage. I closed my eyes as my body exploded to life, tingling and throbbing insanely beneath his electrifying touch.

Suddenly his touch disappeared and I opened my eyes to see him looking at me in anguish. "But if this isn't what you want, then please, tell me now. I don't want you to do this out of pity or obligation."

_What the hell did he just say?_ "Jasper, what are you talking about?"

He sighed and put his hands in his pockets. "Alice, I watched you out in the hallway through the peephole. I saw how much you struggled with coming here tonight, and I just want you to know, I will totally understand if you don't want to take this...thing...that we have going on between us to the next level. It's a big step and I don't want you to do anything until you're absolutely ready." His eyes dropped to the floor and he suddenly looked like Dr. Mc Sure-I'm-brilliant-and-sexy-as-hell-but-if-you-tell-me-you-don't-want-me-I-think-I'll-shatter-into-a-million-pieces.

_Oh dear Lord. He's just as nervous about this as I am? Thank Christ!_

"Jasper, I've been dreaming about this moment for so long I'm just about out of my mind with anticipation. I'm just nervous about living up to your fantasy-Alice, but please don't think I'm not ready for this..."

I suddenly needed to show him how ready for this I truly was.

I quickly unbuckled my trench-coat and let it fall open, revealing to him my distinct lack of underwear.

"Oh, God, Alice..."

I started throbbing as his eyes darkened and burned, bathing me in a delicious glow of desire.

"Do I look ready to you, Jasper?" I asked quietly, my breathing coming shallow and quick.

"Hell, yes," he growled as he quickly closed the distance between us and crushed me to him.

Three years of mutual desire erupted between us, engulfing us in a wave of unbelievable passion. Our mouths devoured each other, tongues tasting and sucking as our lips moved over each other desperately. My hands tangled in his hair, pulling him roughly to me, grasping at his head and neck as he groaned into my mouth and trailed his hands down to my ass. He lifted me up and we crashed backwards into the bookcase, spilling volumes noisily onto the floor as I wrapped my legs around his waist and pressed myself into his straining erection.

"Ungh...Jesus, Alice," he moaned as his lips migrated down my neck and began teasing the skin around my nipple. I threw my head back and pressed my chest up to meet him, whimpering loudly as his hot, beautiful mouth closed around my painfully hard nipple.

"Oh, God, Jasper...yes..."

He spun me around, knocking over a vase and floor lamp as he carried me to the couch. He kicked the coffee table out of the way, sending our wine glasses crashing to the floor as he collapsed into the soft leather, pulling me forward to straddle him.

I attacked his mouth again and arched my back with pleasure as I pushed down on his huge hard-on. His hands ghosted trails of ecstatic electricity across my body as he traced the curves of my breasts and hips with his fuck-hot fingers.

"Alice, you are the most incredible woman I have ever met. My fantasy-Alice was a pathetic imitation of the real thing. Jesus, you drive me so insane with desire I can't even see straight..."

He pulled my mouth down to his, thrusting his tongue inside and making me lose my mind as his incredible hands closed around my breasts, squeezing and teasing my nipples. I wrenched my mouth away from him and tore his shirt open, gasping as I finally saw his magnificent physique. His was incredible.

The broad, flat planes of his pecs gave way to a perfect set of abs, and I stared, hypnotized as his muscles contracted in time with his rapid breathing. He groaned loudly as I bent my head to taste him, running my tongue and lips over the delicious planes of his chest before feasting on his nipples. He tasted fucking amazing, like salt and sex and strength and skin, and his head fell back on the sofa as I slowly worked my way down his rockin' abs to the top of his jeans. I looked up at him, searching for his approval, and when he nodded slightly I unbuttoned his fly and gently eased his erection out of his boxer briefs.

_Oh...dear...Lord_. My mouth gaped as I looked at him, my uterus bursting into flames as it registered the phallic perfection that would soon be filling me. 

_Jesus_. _He was so beautiful._ I looked up at him as I bent my head to lick his magnificent cock. He closed his eyes and moaned as my tongue flicked out and lathed across his engorged tip.

"Oh...Christ, Alice...oh, Jesus..."

I hummed lightly as I took him into my mouth, the pleasure of finally having one of my favorite fantasies come to life burning a trail of lust straight to my pleasure center, making me giddy with satisfaction as I sucked him reverently, sliding his impressive length in and out of my eager mouth.

He grabbed my head and stopped me, gently pulling me off him as he moaned, "Alice, stop...Jesus, you're going to make me cum, and I really don't want that to happen until I'm deep inside of you."

He pulled me to my feet and we both quickly removed the rest of our clothing, stopping when we finally stood naked in front of each. Jasper's eyes raked over me hungrily, and I had never felt more beautiful.

"Alice, you are perfect, do you know that?" he breathed as his hands trailed over my breasts and down my stomach. A swarm of butterflies erupted inside me as I watched his fingers dip into my folds and start to circle lazily.

"Oh, God....yes Jasper..."

He kissed me deeply as his fingers slipped further inside me, and I groaned into his mouth as I started to tighten around him. My breathing was fast and ragged as his fingers began to thrust faster and my hands drifted to his biceps, thrilling to feel his muscles bulge and wane as he pumped into me.

"Oh...fuck...Jasper...." I could feel myself building quickly, but like him, I didn't want to cum alone. "Wait...stop..."

He pulled his fingers away, humming with pleasure as he licked them clean. _Oh for the love of all that's holy, this man is going to kill me with his hotness._

"Jasper, please....I need you inside me."

He growled and grabbed me by my ass, lifting me up and attacking my mouth as he moved us back toward the couch. My entire body was screaming for his body to join with mine, and as he lay me down on the soft leather, I ran my hands over the smooth curves of his back, coming to rest on his firm ass as he hovered above me. He looked at me with dark eyes, his breathing rough and ragged.

"Alice, I have never wanted to make love to someone as much as I want to make love to you. Tell me you want this...that you want me....please."

I reached up and ran my hands over his beautiful face, dragging my thumb across his full lips.

"Jasper, oh God, I want you so much...I can't even tell you how many times I've imagined you like this, touching me...loving me....and now you're here and I'm here and everything is perfect and I'll never forget this moment as long as I live."

He kissed me again, taking his time to explore my mouth with his tongue, setting every nerve ending on edge with an all-consuming need to have him inside me, to claim him and have him claim me.

"Alice," he said breathlessly as he pulled away. "I need to get a condom."

I held him to me. "No, I'm on the pill, and I'm healthy."

He smiled. "Me too. About being healthy I mean. I'm not on the pill of course - it makes me way too cranky."

I laughed and kissed him again, moaning softly as I felt his tip nudge my entrance.

"God, Alice...I need to be inside you. May I?"

"Jesus, Jasper, yes....please."

Suddenly "You Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate blared out of my purse. It was the ring-tone that Rob had programmed for himself in my phone. I stopped breathing and Jasper looked at me in confusion.

_No, no, no, no, no._ _This was NOT happening._ "Ignore it," I blurted quickly trying to pull Jasper back down to me.

He looked over to my purse and then back at my face, concern crossing his features. "Alice, are you sure?"

I thought quickly.

_I think I made it pretty clear to Rob that calling me tonight was not a fucking option unless the goddamn world was coming to an end. I vaguely remember threatening him with bodily harm. There is NO WAY the Brit would be ringing me without a damn good reason. Something must be wrong – very wrong._

I put hand over my face and sighed heavily. "It's Rob Pattinson. He's the one baby-sitting Bella tonight."

"The actor?"

"Yeah. I told him only to call in the case of an emergency."

"Then you should probably answer it."

I huffed in supreme frustration as I sat up and stomped over to my purse, ripping it open and grabbing my phone roughly before barking, "Pattinson, you'd better be dying or dead because they are the ONLY two excuses I will be accepting from you for ringing me at the most FUCKING INCONVENIENT MOMENT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!"

There was a moment's silence before I heard Rob say in hushed tones, "Hey, Alice. How's it going?"

My brain exploded with rage. My words seethed out of me like a poisonous snake as I imagined all the ways I could make the pretty Brit suffer. "Rob, you'd better tell my WHY THE FUCK you're calling me RIGHT NOW before I arrange to have you murdered in the most painful way imaginable, do you understand?"

I heard a loud banging on the other end of the phone, followed by Bella's angry voice. "Pattinson, if you don't open this fucking door I swear that I'm going to break it down!!" There was more frantic banging and then Rob said, "Um...Alice, I think I might need your help."

I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my forehead with my fingers. "Rob, what the fuck is going on there."

"Well, um....Bella and I had pizza and beer, and everything was going really well, but then she started going on about Edward..."

"And....?"

"And...well, she'd had a bit too much to drink and was getting quite...adamant that she should call Edward and give him a piece of her mind regarding how he left her..."

"And...?"

"And...um...I may have agreed with her..you know, to show my support...as a friend."

"Fucking hell, Pattsy!"

"I know...I know I shouldn't have, but by the time I realized my mistake, she had made up her mind that she needed to vent at her ex-rock-star or die trying, but I knew that if YOU found out I'd let her call Edward that you'd probably rip me a new asshole and so I tried to stop her by grabbing her phone off her and not letting her have it back, and then she just started fucking chasing me around the apartment, screaming obscenities at me like a crazy person and threatening the life of my nipples which have already been quite traumatised enough for one evening thank you very much."

Bella's voice bellowed again. "Pattinson!! That's it...I'm going to find something to open this door and then I'm going to make you suffer!"

I huffed in frustration. This was un-fucking-believable. All week Bella has been as docile as a deer, barely able to drag her sorry ass out of bed to eat or bathe, but the ONE time I leave to treat my pathetic and neglected lady-parts to the pounding of their very existence, she turns into psycho-ex-girlfriend from hell. Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck!

"Where are you now?" I asked acidly.

"In the bathroom. I managed to race in here and lock the door, but fuck me shorty - I'm really damn scared about what will happen when she gets this door open." I heard a jiggling noise in the background. "Oh Christ, the lock is moving, Alice! The goddamn lock is moving!!" I heard a banging sound and something that sounded like a small girl screaming in fear – I assumed it was Rob.

Bella's voice was low and slightly slurred. "Right, now give me the phone Pattinson and no-one gets hurt."

I heard movement, followed by Rob pleading, "Bella, come on now, be reasonable..."

Bella roared, "ROB, GIVE ME THE FUCKING PHONE, RIGHT NOW, ASSHOLE!!"

Rob sounded desperate. "Bella no! Stop...please...BELLA!! NO!!!!"

The line went dead.

_FUCK_!!

I looked around at Jasper who was already fully clothed. He held out my trench-coat and I slipped it on and tied it before jamming my feet angrily into my if-it-wasn't-for-Rpattz-and-my-former-best-friend-I-would-have-been-thoroughly-fucked-by-now shoes.

Jasper handed me my purse and followed quietly behind me as I slammed out of his apartment and stormed down the hallway to the elevator, fuming so furiously that I cracked the elevator push button as I poked it viciously. I spun around to look at the face of the man who should have been making me scream his name in ecstasy right about now. His eyes were still black with desire and a stormy expression filled his face.

"Jasper, if I went on trial for murdering a scruffy British actor and an ex-homeless person who was pining for my idiot big brother, you could totally get me off by testifying that I was insane with sexual frustration couldn't you?"

He led me into the elevator and squeezed my hand tightly.

"Totally," he growled.

***

**Author's Notes**

**Arrrrghhh. Jesus. Rpattz...Bella...how could you DO that to poor Alice! Not cool, kids. Sooo not cool. **

**Leave me some love and I'll pass it along to horny, cock-blocked Alice.**


	20. Misconceptions

**Chapter Notes**

**All those readers out there that take the time to review – ****I**** heart you all, seriously.**

**To my Catty-Wan – mentor, Goddess Beta and all-round beautiful woman – 2010 baby...you and ****I**** take LA by storm. Thank you for your hilarious contributions to this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: SM own all things Twilight. ****I**** own an unhealthy obsession with writing stuff I'm never going to get paid for.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 20 – Misconceptions**

**EPOV**

I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to stop myself from strangling the woman next to me. My free hand closed painfully around my arm rest, my fingers turning white as they dug into the hard upholstery. My skin tingled with the anticipation of brushing against her soft skin as my fingers gripped her delicate throat and started squeezing. To say the idea was seductive was a massive fucking understatement. I took a deep breath as I listed all the arguments against murdering someone in the first class cabin of a 747. The list was long and extensive. The justification for murdering her on the other hand was singular and simple – it would get her to SHUT THE FUCK UP!

"And then I said to her, "I TOTES know how you feel. The first time I saw EC – that's what I call you by the way, I think it's cool cause you know Justin Timberlake is JT, so you're EC...get it? Anyway, I told her the first time I saw EC, that's you, in concert I thought I was gonna die, cause you wore that super-cool leather jacket with the writing on it, and you just looked so hot and kind of angry...kind of how you look now actually, and SHE said that she felt the same way about John Mayer, and I was like, "John Mayer?" Are you KIDDING me? EC is so much hotter than Aniston-dumping-man-whore girlie-man Mayer. Sheesh! Am I right?"

I didn't bother answering. It really didn't matter. This was a monologue, not a conversation.

"So then she starts DISSING you because she saw those hot alley photos of you and Rpattz and she was all like, "He's totes gay by the way" and I'm like, "Nuh uh!" and she's like "Is too!" and I'm like "No way!", and THEN she starts going on about how much hotter than you Rpattz is and I was like "oh no she didn't" and then I started thinking about it and yeah, I had to admit that yeah, he's like totally fuckhot...And can you believe that we're in first class, I mean, that is just sooooo _awesome-sauce_ it completely blows my mind cause I've only been on a plane like once before and then I was too busy puking cause I'm like always terrified that the plane is going to crash and kill us all in a ball of fiery death, you know what I mean? And I never understood about the whole 'black box' thing, because I mean if the plane like explodes and the only thing that survives is the black box, why the hell don't they build the whole plane out of the stuff that the black box is made out of...am I right?"

"Bree," I said carefully through gritted teeth, trying not to scream at her at the top of my lungs that if she didn't stop fucking talking right the hell now I was going to grab her by the hair and throw her out the nearest air-lock. "Please stop."

She stopped mid-sentence and gaped at me like I'd just shoved a cattle prod up her ass.

_Oh Jesus, if only..._

I turned and gave her my most patient and non-homicidal smile - it took some effort. "I need to really concentrate on what I'm going to say in my interviews this afternoon so if you could please stop talking for a while - let's say, oh, for the rest of the flight - I would _really _appreciate it."

She blinked at me. I raised an eyebrow as I waited for her response. "Oh...right...sure, EC."

I sighed and lay my head back against the seat. _Praise Jesus_. "Thanks, Bree."

I took in a deep breath and tried to steady my nerves. If it wasn't bad enough that I still felt the Madman rumbling around in my head, impotent with rage and pent-up violence, I now had the added pressure of trying not to kill my replacement-publicist _and_ having to perform like a fucking trained seal in a series of interviews that I felt completely unprepared for. I felt like I was drowning in anxiety and I had no clue how to stop it.

If Bella was here she'd...

I stopped myself. Bella wasn't here. It had been five days since I'd left her, and every second I was away from her it felt like another black dagger of pain pierced my heart. I had woken up every morning dreaming that she was lying in my arms, feeling contented and whole, and then I would realize I was alone and the nauseating guilt and anger would return, filling my skin with fire and ice.

God, I missed her. I missed everything about her – her smile, her touch, her spirit, her...love. I laughed bitterly to myself. _ I doubt very much that she feels anything for me now but hate and contempt. After everything I've done to her, I can't say I blame her._

I hoped she was happy.

The Madman scoffed loudly. _ No you don't. You hope she's just as miserable as you are. You hope she misses you the way you miss her, you selfish fuck. You hope she's pining and pathetic and patiently waiting until you come back to her, healed and wholesome._

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. I could deny it, but there was no point. As selfless as I thought I was being, part of me still held onto the bleak hope that she would forgive me one day and we could be together.

_Don't fucking bet on it, Asstard. Healed and wholesome? You? I don't think so._

I was startled when the plane touched down. I must have dozed off. Before I knew it, Bree was bustling me through the airport towards a waiting limo. A handful of screamers and paparazzi surrounded us as we pushed our way to the car, and then we were safely inside and speeding through the streets of San Francisco.

"Ok, EC, so our first round of interviews today will be at our hotel, which by the way is super-ritzy. We have, like, fifteen journalists lined up, back to back, to talk about the new album and then you have like the rest of the night off before hitting the breakfast radio circuit tomorrow, ok?"

"Fine," I answered numbly as I stared out the window.

"They've all been briefed to not ask about the 'incident', but you know journo's...they'll pretty much ask what they want, like, no matter what we say, am I right?"

"Uh huh."

"And just in case I haven't said it already, I wanted to tell you that I'm like totes excited about this tour. I mean, it's the first time Alice has trusted me enough with something like this and I'm just so happy that everything worked out like this so I could come."

I looked at her sharply, a sudden burst of anger ripping through me. "Oh, really Bree? I'm so glad that Bella falling through a table and being sliced open could reap some positive rewards for you. That makes it all worthwhile."

She looked at me with hurt in her eyes, her bottom lip trembling, and once again, Edward Cullen, Asshole Extraordinaire was in the house.

I rubbed my eyes with my hand and pushed the anger back down, anchoring it with the weight of my new-found guilt for hurting people around me whose only crime was being in my toxic presence. "Bree...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you."

She took a deep breath and for a horrifying moment I thought she was going to cry. "You know," she said in an unsteady voice, "when Alice makes me feel bad she makes it up to me by letting me borrow the company credit card." She looked at me expectantly, her lip still trembling slightly.

"Um...well...sorry Bree, I don't have a company credit card."

She screwed up her face in frustration. "Are you, like, kidding me? That sucks! Never mind." She flipped her hair and went back to texting on her Blackberry. "You should totes ask Alice to give you one – they rock."

Before long we arrived at the hotel and Bree and the local media coordinator were ushering me into a plush room set up with two armchairs and a series of lights. I sat in one of the chairs and braced myself for torture by inquisition.

Fourteen interviews and several hours passed in a blur, and I was relieved that most journalists chose to adhere to Alice's strictly worded "no fucking personal questions you blood-suckers" veto. By the time the last interviewer came in, I was tired and hungry and resigned to the fact that falling off the wagon and consuming my own weight in tequila was the most "fuck-awesome" idea I'd had in a long time. I pushed the impulse aside as a tall, broad-shouldered man squeezed my hand firmly and took his place in the interviewer's chair.

_Jesus, this guy looks more like a line-backer than a journalist._

I was about to ask him what publication he was from as I sat back in my chair, but was surprised to find him leaning forward, elbows on knees, fingers steepled under his chin.

"So, Edward," he said in a rough baritone voice, "how are you?"

I frowned. _Weird way to start. _ "Um...I'm fine. How are you?"

He opened his palms and laid them flat on his thighs. "Well, that's not really important, is it? We're not here to talk about me."

I laughed at his strange line of questioning but played along. "Ok then, what would you like to ask me?"

He cocked his head to the side and said, "Well, I know that you're probably sick of talking about your new album so why don't we talk about something that you really should get off your chest. Tell me about what happened to you last week...?"

My blood pressure started to rise but I forced an awkward smile onto my face. "I don't really feel like discussing that, if you don't mind."

An infuriating smile lit up his face. "What if I do mind? I mean, did you honestly think that someone wasn't going to come in here and ask about it?

I looked around for Bree but she was nowhere to be found. Bella would have handled this guy with one hand tied behind her back, but instead I had Britney Spears on crack, who was probably somewhere on her laptop blogging about what an asshole I am. I frowned at him but tried to keep my voice light. "Look, I'm here to talk about my music – nothing else."

He frowned back at me and I suddenly had a very bad feeling about where this conversation was heading. "Edward, just because you don't talk about it, isn't going to make it go away. People need to hear about what happened, and what better way to dispel the rumors than by giving us the truth?"

I clenched my jaw as my anger grew. "You don't want to know the truth – it's nowhere near as interesting and romantic as the fantasy they're printing in the papers."

He nodded sympathetically and I clench my fists to stop myself from reaching over and ripping his head off. "I suspected as much. You lost control, didn't you Edward? Did your girlfriend get in the way or did you just freak out when you found out about all the men she had been with?"

_Who the fuck did this guy think he was, how does he know this shit, and where the fuck was Bree?_ _I shouldn't be left alone to deal with this stuff. If Alice hears about this she's going to take that damn company credit card and shove it up Bree's ass._

I stood up quickly, my whole body tensing with the effort of not throwing this clown to the ground and pummelling the crap out of him. "This conversation is over," I rasped through gritted teeth.

The man-mountain stood up too and took a step toward me. _Not fucking wise, dumbass_. The rage was slowly rising in my guts as he said, "Why don't you want to talk about it, Edward? Can't you man-up and take responsibility for your actions?"

I glared at him and as my words exploded out of me. "I have taken responsibility for my actions, asshole! You have no fucking clue about my fucking mistakes. I've punished myself more than anyone else could! Why the fuck do you even care?"

"I'm just someone who wants to know the truth, Edward. It you can't admit it to yourself then maybe you can admit it to me. You were angry with Bella, weren't you? You wanted to punish her for her past, right?"

My fury boiled violently inside of me and the last thread of control that prevented me from pouncing on this giant prick started to fray dangerously. I closed my eyes and breathed through the rage. "You'd better stop talking right now and get the fuck away from me, or you and I are going to have a major throw down."

_Cullen, you are out of your fucking mind. This guy looks like he could pound you into the ground without breaking a sweat._

Maybe that's what I wanted.

He stepped into me and pushed me roughly in the shoulder. Every muscle in my body tensed in anticipation. "Is that right, tough guy? You haven't had enough violence recently? You're still hungry for more?"

A flash of Bella falling through the coffee table blasted through my brain and I strained to keep my fists balled at my side as they screamed to bury themselves in his face. "LEAVE! NOW!"

He brought his face right up to mine, his teeth pulling back from his lips in a sneer as he whispered, "The only way I'm leaving this room, pretty boy, is if you throw me out, and I fucking dare you to try. Or are you afraid to take on a real man instead of an unconscious pimp and an ex-whore?"

That did it. My anger erupted, unfettered and uncontrolled as I shoved him hard in the chest, forcing him backward. I felt a snarl rip out of me as I lunged at him, swinging my arm in a crushing roundhouse. I was shocked when he quickly ducked out of range and grabbed my arm as it passed, pulling it up behind my back and pressing down strongly on my shoulder as he forced my face to the floor. I hit the carpet heavily, grunting as I struggled viciously against him. He countered by dropping a knee into the center of my back, his superior weight forcing the air out of my body.

"Who the fuck are you?" I wheezed as his large hands squeezed my wrist painfully.

He leaned down and spoke into my ear. "Well, Edward," he said lightly. "Jasper sent me. He said you might need my services and he wasn't fucking mistaken. I'm Emmett McCarty, your Serenity Counsellor, and I can see that you and I have a shit-load of work to do."

***

**BPOV**

"Pattinson, if you don't open this fucking door I swear that I'm going to break it down!!"

I pounded on the hard wood and winced as my healing hand throbbed in pain. _Shit_.

I could hear Rob mumbling softly. What the hell was he doing in there?

I bent down and looked carefully at the lock. _Hah - piece of cake._ "Pattinson!! That's it...I'm going to find something to open this door and then I'm going to make you suffer!"

I strode into the kitchen, ignoring the fact that the room was spinning ever so slightly. You don't live on the street for as long as I did and not learn something about how to jimmy a lock. I rooted around in the silverware drawer before I quickly grabbed a roasting fork and a butter knife.

I staggered slightly as I headed back to the door. I had never been much of a drinker and the fact I had downed five beers in quick succession was doing nothing for my present state of mind.

Jesus, what the fuck did Pattsy think he was playing at? First he encourages me to call Edward and give him a piece of my mind, which I fucking should because quite frankly, what he did to me was beyond wrong and I really need to fucking tell him that...and then, he steals my phone and hides like a little girl in the bathroom? I don't fucking think so Brit-boy!

I started jiggling with the lock and heard panicked murmurs coming from inside. My heart was pounding as I thought about all the things I would say to Edward when I finally got my phone back.

_Hi Edward, it's Bella. You're a fucking prick and I hope you're miserable, you Bella-leaving bastard._

_Edward, I hate you. That's all._

_Edward, you are going to regret leaving me, bitch. I've just texted three hundred screamers and they're on their way to rip you to pieces._

_Edward, I love you and can't live without you. Please come home._

_Fuck._ I had no idea what the hell I was going to say, but I was sure as shit was going to say something.

Suddenly the lock gave way and I slammed the door open to find Rob cowering in the corner.

"Right, now give me the phone Pattinson and no-one gets hurt."

Rob inched backwards toward the shower holding the phone behind his back and his other hand out in front of him. "Bella, come on now, be reasonable..."

I barely heard him. I was crazed with the need to speak to Edward, to connect with him, to hear his voice and have him hear mine. I was going fucking insane I needed it so badly. "ROB, GIVE ME THE FUCKING PHONE, RIGHT NOW, ASSHOLE!!"

I leapt at him, wrapping around him like a monkey and grasping at the phone. His long arm held it just out of my reach and so I did the only thing I could think of - I ran my hands down his chest until my fingertips came to rest on his nipples. "Bella no! Stop...please...BELLA!! NO!!!!" I wrenched them viciously and he dropped the phone and shrieked in pain as his hands came up to rub his chest.

"BLOODY HELL!!"

He glared at me furiously and I suddenly needed to be somewhere else. "That's it, Swan! That's the last bloody straw!" He started advancing on me as I backed out of the bathroom.

"You," he seethed in a dark voice, "you just made a fucking huge mistake, my dear. You think it's ok to shamelessly abuse my man-nipples? Well it's fucking not okay, lady. In fact, I think it warrants a bit of tit for tat...let's see how you like it, shall we?!" He lunged at me and I ran, zig-zagging crazily down the hallway as my inebriated body tried to keep its balance. Thank God Rob was just as tanked as I was or I would have had no hope against his long legs. I did, however, have the advantage that he ran like a girl.

I raced into the living room, ducking behind the couch. I whipped around just in time to see him trip over his own feet and face plant into the carpet. An indelicate snort burst out of me.

"Fuck!" He dragged himself up and glowered at me, picking carpet fibers off his tongue as I giggled quietly to myself. "Oh, you think that's funny, do you?" he bristled as he started towards me again. "Swan, you are so going down."

I feigned to the right and quickly pulled back the other way, sprinting back down the hallway and dashing into my bedroom. I could hear him close behind me, but I managed to slam the door in his face before flicking the lock. The door immediately started vibrating as he pounded on it. "Bella! Open the damn door woman! And don't you DARE call Edward, or Alice is going to murder both of us! You KNOW she will! Bella!"

"Rob, we both agreed that Edward needed to be told what an ass he's being, so be a good boy and fuck off!!"

"Bugger it all to hell, Bella!"

My heart was pounding painfully as I heard him mumble something about busting the lock open before he walked off. I staggered into the bathroom and sat down on the closed toilet seat, looking at the phone and summoning as much courage as I could.

_Ok, Bella you can do this. Just dial the number and let all the shit that's been percolating inside you for the past five days spew out at him. You'll feel better then, and you won't feel the need to sniff his clothes on a daily basis._

I took a deep breath and dredged up every bad feeling I'd had towards Edward since he'd left me. I drew upon every ounce of pain, every grain of grief he had inflicted upon me, and by the time I had his number on the screen I was a bubbling volcano of bitterness. I punched the button roughly and waited impatiently while it rang.

"What?" Edward's angry voice pulsed through the phone and smacked rudely into my brain.

_Oh, crap._

I wasn't prepared for him to be angry with me. I thought I he might be tentative, or unsure, or at the very fucking least, apologetic, but he sounded as though he hated me. _Jesus._

Suddenly all the bitterness rushed out of me and I just felt hurt all over again.

"Hello?" he said impatiently.

"Um...I..." I couldn't form words. Hearing his voice affected too much. A kaleidescope of emotions rushed through me and I had to close my eyes to try and block it out.

He was silent for a second and then he said, "Bella?" His voice was hushed, and because I was an idiot and a glutton for punishment, I thought I detected a slight hint of hope in it.

I heard a huge thump followed by a scream of pain coming from my bedroom door. "Ow! Fuck it! BELLA! UNLOCK THIS BLOODY DOOR, RIGHT NOW!"

"Bella? What's going on? Are you alright?" Edward's voice leapt out of the phone, panic and anger making him sound rough and demanding.

_Jesus, this isn't at all how I thought it would go._ My stomach lurched violently and I said the only thing I could think of. "I shouldn't have called. Bye." I hit the cancel button and turned the phone off, throwing it on the bathroom counter as though it were made of barbed wire.

I heard a wrenching sound in the bedroom and before I knew it Rob was standing next to me, rubbing his shoulder and looking at the phone in horror.

"Oh, bollocks. You did it, didn't you? You called him?"

I nodded numbly, pushing down the emotions that were trying to claw their way out of my eyes. Rob touched my shoulder gently as I sighed heavily and rubbed my temples.

"Hey...Bella...are you okay?" he asked softly.

I stood up and buried my head in his chest, trying to breathe steadily so I wouldn't cry. He wrapped his arms around me and stroked my hair. "Hey, it's alright..."

"I thought he'd be happy to hear from me," I whispered. "I thought he'd at least say he's sorry. He just sounded pissed that I called him. Christ, I'm such an idiot, Rob."

He shushed me before saying gently, "Yeah...you are, but I like you anyway."

I ignored my boiling stomach and laughed pathetically.

Suddenly, to my abject horror, my laughter morphed into a giant and violent regurgitation all over the front of Rob's t-shirt and jeans.

"Oh...Christ...ew! Bella, what the fuck?" Rob recoiled as all of the ice-cream, pizza and beer I had consumed came back up to say hello.

As I wiped my chin weakly, I looked at Rob's disgusted face and whimpered. "Oh God, Rob, I'm so sorry."

He smiled a crooked smile and waved his hand non-nonchalantly as bits of food dropped from his shirt onto the tiles. "Forget about it, Swan. It wouldn't be the first time I've made a girl physically sick, and I'm sure it won't be the last."

***

**EPOV**

Bear-boy was still sitting on my back when my phone rang, but he allowed me to get up and grab it from my pocket. Anger and humiliation was coursing through me as I wrenched the phone open, not even bothering to check caller ID.

"What?!"

If it was fucking Bree I was going to rip strips off her for not warning me about the fact that my so-called 'Serenity Counselor' was a fucking professional wrestler who wanted to introduce my face to the floor.

There was silence on the other end of the phone. _Oh, for fuck's sake_. This day was just getting suckier by the second.

"Um...I..."

My heart stopped. _Oh, God. It's her. She's calling me. Why is she calling me? Forget that, I don't fucking care why._ Just hearing her voice melted the pain in my chest and made it beat again.

"Bella?"

There was so much I wanted to say to her, so many things I had to apologize for. A rush of words and regrets blasted through my brain, overwhelming me, but I wasn't ready. I still had to earn my place at her side, and at the moment, I barely felt worthy of hearing her beautiful voice.

I heard a loud noise in the background, followed by an angry male voice. Oh Jesus, what the hell was happening there?

"Bella? What's going on? Are you alright?" I felt the bile rising in my throat as panic gripped me. _What the fuck had I done? I left her there alone. What if James had friends who wanted revenge on his behalf? Of course they'd go after Bella. Jesus fucking Christ._

Before I could get any more information she said quickly, "I shouldn't have called. Bye."

The line went dead and I roared in frustration

"Bella! No!!" _Fuck_.

I groaned and quickly dialed her number. It went to voice mail and I very nearly crushed the phone as I gripped it viciously.

"Bella, it's me. Please call me back. I need to know what the fuck is going on there. Are you alright? Please, call me back as soon as you can."

I slammed the phone down and started pacing furiously, staring at it savagely, willing it to ring.

Emmett stood and watched me, his hands on his hips.

"Dude, you seriously need to calm the fuck down."

I snarled at him. "Oh, fucking hell! That's your advice to me? 'Calm the fuck down?' Now why the HELL didn't I think of that. You're a goddamn genius, man. I'M CURED!!"

He stepped in front of me and crossed his arms over his massive chest. "No need to get pissy, Edward. Remember, I'm here to help you."

"Yeah, well unless you can tell me why my girlfriend has some strange man yelling at her, nothing you say is going to make a bit of fucking difference."

"EX-girlfriend," he corrected.

I glared at him. "Are you trying to calm me down or piss me off, 'cause if it's the second option, you're doing a bang-up job!"

I grabbed the phone again and re-dialed Bella's number. I got her voice-mail again. "Bella! Fuck! Ring me! Please!"

Emmett grabbed the phone from me and placed a firm hand in the middle of my chest as I tried to grab it back. "Ok, look. I understand that you're concerned, but you need to stop for a second and think about this rationally. Who else can we contact to ask about Bella?"

I huffed in frustration. "Alice. Alice would know."

He handed the phone back to me and I quickly dialed the number.

"What the hell do you want, Edward?" she snapped after the first ring. Jesus, she sounded almost as frustrated as I was.

"Where's Bella, Alice?" I demanded.

"Back at the apartment. Why?"

"Is she with someone?"

Alice paused. "Alice, who the fuck is with her?"

I heard her sigh. "Rob's with her, Edward. I needed to go out for a while and he said he's look after her while I was gone."

My brain raced with conflicting thoughts. "Alice, Bella called me and I heard someone in the background. It sounded like they were trying to break the damn door down. It could have been Rob I suppose, but if it was, why the fuck was he yelling at her? "

I heard her groan. "Christ, how should I know, Edward? You know how those two get. They were probably quoting fucking movies at each other and then laughing their asses off."

A sudden stab of jealousy rocketed through me. Yeah, I knew how they were when they were together - the image of them chatting like life-long friends was burned into my brain - and even though I knew Bella didn't think of Rob romantically, I sure as hell knew that he was hot for her, and in her current state I had no idea what she would be willing to do to get back at me.

_Christ, Cullen, give the girl some credit. Just because you don't trust yourself doesn't mean you shouldn't trust her. _

_Yeah, right. Easier said than done._

"Who's goddamn brilliant idea was it to have Pattinson look after her in the first place?"

"It was my goddamn brilliant idea Edward, ok? I needed to go out, he lives in the building, and whether you like it or not, they're friends. Now don't go pulling the fucking jealous boyfriend shit on me because you forfeited your right to do that when you unceremoniously dumped Bella and left."

My breath rushed out of me as the truth of her words hit me like a ton of bricks. She was right. Bella was a free agent. If she wanted to hook up with Rob, I had no leg to stand on. I'd made no guarantees or promises to her, and I expected none in return.

Christ, what a stupid ass I was. I was prepared to let her go in theory, but the reality was a whole different ball-game. The thought of her being with anyone else shredded my heart.

"Jesus, Alice, just because I broke up with her doesn't mean you have to thrust the pretty-Brit on her the first chance you get. Don't you think I might have a huge fucking problem with that?"

I could feel my ear start to burn and I knew that she was glaring down the phone at me. "Edward, put Emmett on."

"What? How the hell did you know he was even here?"

"Just put him on, dammit!!"

Emmett waved at me and gestured for me to hand over the phone. I passed it to him and rolled my eyes.

"Hey, Alice. It's Emmett....yeah, everything's fine. Edward and I are just getting to know each other...uh huh...yep...sure....just a sec."

Emmett quickly reached out and slapped me across the face. _FUCK_! "Alice said to tell you to stop being such a little bitch."

_Oh, for the love of God. This day could not end soon enough for me._

"Ok, Alice. Message delivered. Yeah, you too. Bye." Emmett hung up the phone and wrapped a giant arm around my shoulder.

"So...Eddie...do you mind if I call you Eddie?"

"Yes."

"Tough. Eddie, my finely tuned senses are picking up the fact that you are a teensy bit tense, and I really think I can help you with that."

"Oh good. You're leaving then?"

He guffawed loudly and clapped me on the back as he led me toward the elevators. "E-man...may I call you E-man?"

"No."

"Great. You're a funny fucker, E-man, has anyone ever told you that?"

I sighed. "Not recently."

***

**BPOV**

After my embarrassing technicolor yawn, I sent Rob to Edward's bathroom to shower while I washed out his clothes and cleaned up my bathroom. Thirty minutes later he was leaning against the kitchen bench dressed in my bathrobe and smirking annoyingly as I made him a cup of tea.

"Well, Swan, I have to hand it to you – you really know how to show a guy a good time."

I gasped in mock horror. "Pattinson, is that sarcasm I detect in your voice? Are you trying to tell me that being chased around the apartment by someone else's drunk and insane psycho ex-girlfriend isn't on your top ten list of fun things to do? I'm shocked and appalled."

He laughed and ran his hand through his still-damp hair. "Actually, I quite enjoyed that. It was a nice change to have someone yelling obscenities at me rather than just screaming that they want to make out with me."

I screwed up my face. "Ew...do girls really do that?"

He sighed. "Unfortunately, yes." He looked down and traced a pattern on the dark marble counter-top with his fingers and I was once again struck by how similar his hands were to Edward's. I remembered the first time I had held Edward's hand as he led me out of my alley, his skin warm and rough against mine. I almost reached out to touch Rob's skin to see if it would feel the same.

He must have seen the expression on my face because he looked at me sympathetically and said, "Bella, I'm really sorry about you and Edward, you know that, right?"

I nodded and swallowed the lump that was rising in my throat. "I'm sorry too, Pattsy. I just wish it would stop hurting, you know?" I swatted a rebellious tear that migrated down my cheek. Rob stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. I hugged him back, grateful for his friendship and comfort.

"Bella, if it makes you feel any better, I think Edward is a first-class wanker for letting you go. You're a beautiful, amazing, sexy woman and he knows that. He must be going through hell right now without you. I know I would be if I was him."

I smiled into his chest. "Rob, are you trying to come onto me?"

He laughed and I felt the vibration of his chest through my cheek. He pulled back and looked into my eyes. "Swan, I won't deny that I think you're incredibly attractive, and a few hours ago, I would have jumped at the chance to become more than friends with you..."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "But...?"

He smiled and grabbed my face with both hands, resting his forehead on mine. "But...you will now and forever be known as the girl who threw up all over me, so funnily enough, I've gone right off you."

We both laughed and then and hugged each other tightly.

Our laughter died suddenly when the door to the apartment burst open and Alice stormed in, her face a thundercloud of fury. Jasper stood behind her, looking vaguely like he wanted to pummel the crap out of Rob.

Alice looked at Rob's arms around me, and then she scanned Rob wearing my robe. Her face exploded with color and I didn't understand how so much of her blood could rush to her face without her passing out.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU TWO THINK YOU'RE DOING?" she roared.

Rob stepped away from me nervously, holding his hands up in the air.

"Now, Alice, settle down. This isn't what it looks like. Look, tongue in my mouth – dick in my pants – just like you requested."

"You're not wearing pants dumb-ass!"

"Ah, well...yes, you do have a point there."

"Alright you two, fun-time is officially FUCKING OVER!! You'd better explain to me why the hell I can't leave two grown adults alone for a few hours without there being a need for me to give up sexing the HOTTEST MAN ON THE PLANET to fucking rescue you from each other."

A look of confusion crossed Rob's face. "But Alice, you've never sexed me up...oh...I see, you're talking about that guy aren't you." He waved lamely at Jasper who glared back.

"Pattinson, shut the fuck up before I hurt you!!" Alice screamed before turning her wrath on me. "And furthermore, Bella, would you care to explain why the FUCK my brother has just been on the phone to me blathering like a maniac about the fact that you called him because someone was trying to break into the goddamn apartment?"

"He thought what? No...Alice...it was just Rob trying to break into my bedroom."

Alice's gaze intensified and I whimpered slightly. "Firstly, why the FUCK was Pattinson trying to break into your bedroom, and secondly, why the FUCK were you calling Edward WHILE Rob was trying to break into your bedroom? Jesus Bella! Edward is fucked up enough at the moment without images of you and Rpattz cavorting in your bedroom running through his fucking mind. Do you want him to try and sort his shit out or not?"

"Of course I do..."

"Then don't fucking CALL HIM when you have a fucking hot movie star banging down your bedroom door."

Rob raised his eyebrows. "Alice, you know your boyfriend can hear you, right?."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, ROB!!!"

Alice glared at us both, panting heavily and clenching her fists. Jasper came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, gently nuzzling her neck and whispering something we couldn't hear. Alice sighed deeply and calmed slightly. She turned to Rob.

"Pattinson – your apartment downstairs – do you have a spare bedroom?"

"Um...yeah...my place is just like yours – three bedrooms, three bathrooms."

"Good. Bella is staying with you tonight."

Rob looked at me with panic written all over his face. "Oh, cripes, Bella, no. My place is a fucking sty. I'm a bachelor for Christ's sake. There's crap everywhere – really, you'd be completely grossed out."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Um...Rob...I used to live on the streets, in an alley, surrounded by garbage and piss. I think I can handle some unwashed dishes and dirty laundry."

"What about my massive porn collection?"

"I'll cope. Besides I think Alice and Jasper would like some alone time."

I turned to find Alice and Jasper kissing passionately. As we watched, Jasper swept his arm under Alice's knees and carried her into the bedroom. The door slammed loudly.

Rob's eyes widened. "Right, yes...well they're obviously going to have some sex now. Excellent."

I laughed and quickly dashed into the bedroom to grab a change of clothes and my phone, before making the short trip downstairs to Rob's apartment.

He stopped as we reached the door and turned to me. "Swan, before you come in here, please keep in mind I am a single man. Don't judge me by my lack of domestic pride."

He swung the door open and escorted me inside.

Holy hell, it looked like a warzone. Clothes, magazines, and CD's were strewn everywhere, and the coffee table was piled high with fast food containers. Several guitars were propped up against the couch, and a messy pile of DVD's was splayed on the floor in front of the flat screen.

"I like what you've done with the place," I said, nodding my head in approval.

"Hey," he said defensively, "it's homey."

I looked at the explosion of paraphernalia and clothes in the living room. "How do you find anything in here?"

"Easy. It's all exactly where I put it…"

"You mean drop it…"

"Hey don't be dissin' the system. I'd rather have it like this than like your apartment."

I frowned at him. "What's wrong with my apartment?"

"Oh nothing, if you like your apartment to feel cold and inhospitable."

"What?"

"And it has a weird smell."

"Yeah, that would be cleaning products."

"I clean!"

"Really?"

"No. Not at all."

"What, you don't have a sexy French maid to come and fluff your pillows?"

"Shut the fuck up," he laughed as he showed me to the spare bedroom. "You promised you wouldn't judge." There were several empty suitcases on the bed and he quickly threw them into the closet.

"So here you are m'lady. I hope you find the accommodations to your liking."

I hugged him briefly. "Thanks Rob, it's great."

I sat on the bed and he flopped down beside me. "So, it sounds as though Edward was pretty upset to find out you were spending time with me, huh?"

I shook my head angrily. "He has no fucking right to be upset about anything I do anymore. He made the decision to go. He's just lucky I'm not jumping your bones out of spite."

He sighed. "Yeah, damn your lack of spite, Swan."

I poked him with my foot, and he grabbed it and started massaging it. He looked up at me and frowned. "Bella, I know that you're really angry at Edward at the moment and you have every right to be – this whole situation is a massive balls-up, and the fact that he hurt you so badly pisses me off royally, but from everything Alice has said, he's really trying to do the right thing by you, so you might want to give him a break."

"Jesus, Rob, who's side are you on?"

"I'm on your side, Swan, but I like Edward, and I can understand where he's coming from." He grabbed my arm and pointed to the bright red scars on my pale skin. "If I did something like this to my girlfriend, I'd pretty much go insane too."

I looked down at my arms, remembering how surreal it was to see the open wounds just before I passed out. It was horrific. I swallowed as I imagined how Edward must have felt, knowing that it was his fault. "Look, I understand what you're saying, but it doesn't excuse him leaving me."

"I'm not saying it does."

"Then what are you saying?"

He stood up and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm just saying, he's worried about you. Tonight probably didn't help matters. You might want to let him know you're ok." He walked to the door and turned back to me. "Goodnight, Bella."

I smiled at him. "Goodnight, Rob." He started to close the door. "Rob!" He stopped and poked his head back in. "Thanks."

He smiled and nodded. "You're welcome, puke-girl."

As the door closed gently I pulled out my phone and turned it on. There were two new voice-mail messages. I hit the 'retrieve' button and listened.

"_Bella, it's me. Please call me back. I need to know what the fuck is going on there. Are you alright? Please, call me back as soon as you can." _Edward's voice was rushed and urgent. Jesus, he really was worried about me.

The next message was even more panicked. _"Bella! Fuck! Call me! Please!"_

I hung up and put my head in my hands. _Christ, I had no idea he would react that way to hearing Rob yelling at me, but I should have realized that after what we went through with James, his mind must have been racing with horrific possibilities._

I looked at my phone and thought about what I was about to do. Before I could talk myself out of it, I dialed his number and pressed send.

I bit my lip nervously as I waited for him to answer.

"Hello?"

My heart stopped beating. It wasn't him. It was a woman.

I checked the screen of my phone – right number.

_Fuck you, Edward._

_Hey come on, give him the benefit of the doubt. There's probably a rational explanation for this, just like there was a rational explanation for why Rob was pounding down your door. Well, it may not have been rational but it was an explanation._

"Hello?" the female voice intoned again. The voice sounded familiar.

"Bree? Is that you?"

"Ah, yeah, who's this?"

"Bree, um...is Edward there?"

"Oh, yeah, totally. He's, like, in the shower at the moment. Do you want me to get him?"

My stomach turned. "Bree, why are you there?"

"Oh, well, EC needed some...um...stress relief and I said I'd help out, but then when he took his shirt off I, like, completely spazzed out and spilled the massage oil all over him, so now he's, like, washing it off and stuff so we can start all over again."

My heart jumped up into my throat. _Yeah, of course. Perfectly rational explanation. Asshole._

"Um...so, can I, like, take a message for you or something?"

"Yeah, you can," I said firmly. "Tell him Bella called and told him to go fuck himself."

I hit cancel and threw my phone across the room. I ran my hands through my hair as I panted with the force of my anger. GODDAMN ASSHOLE SON-OF-A-BITCH PRICK!! And with fucking Bree of all people. I shook my head in disbelief. I didn't want to accept that Edward was capable of going back to fucking random girls, but what choice did I have? He told me about his past. Why should I trust that he's changed?

_Oh get a fucking grip, Swan. He's heard about your past too. How would you feel if he accused you of screwing men for money? You'd be massively fucking appalled. At least wait to hear his side before you damn him completely._

I rubbed my face furiously, confused as all hell and not knowing what the hell to think.

I was startled when my phone rang. I walked over to it and checked caller ID. It was Edward. Of course.

_Answer it, Swan. He deserves to defend himself._

I huffed angrily. "What do you want, Edward?" I spat acidly.

"Bella, please, just listen to me for a second."

"Why? So you can tell me why you're shirtless with Bree and a shit-load of massage oil? Do you really think I want to hear the details?"

"Bella, it's not like that. Jesus, I could fucking kill Bree right now." He paused and exhaled noisily. "I have someone here, trying to help me with...my issues. A man...he calls himself a Serenity Counselor."

"Edward, are you kidding me? What the fuck is a Serenity Counselor?"

"He's trying to help me control my anger, Bella. He was going to do some deep tissue massage on me tonight to help relieve my tension. Bree offered to hold the oil for him but of course she even managed to fuck that up. Nothing else was going on, I swear to God."

I closed my eyes and breathed. His explanation made sense but for some reason I was still annoyed, mainly because he allowed a complete stranger into his life to try and help him while he chose to shut me out.

"Bella," his voice was pleading. "Please say that you believe me."

"Why does it matter what I believe, Edward," I seethed. "I have no claim on you anymore, so you have the right to spend time with whomever the fuck you like, just like I do."

He went silent then and I felt a faint stab of satisfaction that I'd hurt him.

When he spoke again, his voice was dark with emotion. "Alice said Rob was with you tonight."

"That's right."

"How is he?"

"He's well."

"Uh huh."

Jesus, this conversation was like drawing blood from a stone. Is this how it was going to be between us now? Polite small talk that avoided everything we truly wanted to say to each other? I huffed in frustration. "Well, I have to go. I just called to let you know not to worry about me, I'm fine. Rob's taking very good care of me. In fact, I'm staying at his place tonight."

_Oh, Swan, you fucking bitch. That was a low blow. Tell him the truth. No matter how much he hurt you, don't do this._

"I see." I could hear the pain in his voice and I damned the fact that I still loved him too much to let it continue. I sighed heavily. "And not that it's any of your business, but no, I'm not fucking him."

"Then why are you staying at his place?" he asked warily.

I heard the jealousy in his voice and snapped, "Why do you care, Edward? You left me, remember? You're there and Rob's here and he's being a perfect fucking gentleman, so get the hell over yourself." I wanted to scream at him that he was an idiot and that he was putting us both through hell for no goddamn reason and that he needed me, but my pride wouldn't let me. Instead I tapped my foot impatiently while I waited for him to speak.

"How are your arms?"

The regret in his voice sent a shudder of sympathy through me. _Why aren't you here, Edward? Then you could see for yourself. You could run your fingers over the red scars and see that I'm fine and that you're not a monster_. "Healing," I replied softly. "It's just skin, Edward."

I heard him draw in a ragged breath before he said, "You were perfect and I damaged you."

My breath hitched in my chest. _Stupid man, getting it all wrong as usual._

"I've never been perfect, Edward, and neither have you. We were both damaged from the start. When will you understand that?"

We sat there in silence then, and I had no idea what I should say. I ached to tell him that I loved him, and that I missed him, and that I was half-empty without him, but I didn't see the point.

Finally, I said, "Look, Edward, I should go."

"Oh..yeah, of course." I thrilled slightly at the disappointment in his voice. "Thanks for calling...to let me know you're okay."

"No problem." I bit my lip to stop myself from begging him to come home. "I hope you find your serenity, Edward."

He paused before saying, "Me too."

"Goodnight."

His voice stopped me before I could hang up. "Bella! I...." his voice trailed off and I squeezed my eyes shut as I prayed for him to tell me he loved me or missed me or needed me. "I...just wanted to tell you..." He swore softly under his breath and said, "Goodnight, Bella."

I swallowed heavily as I hung up and whispered to myself, "I love you, too."

***

**Author Notes**

**So, baby steps for Bella and Edward.**

**Next chapter we'll see what Emmett has in store to help E-man with his serenity. I'm nervous – ****I**** won't lie.**

**I'll be posting a couple of lemony outtakes on the weekend especially written for my home-girls at Unicorns Unlimited, but I'm sure they won't mind if ****I**** share them with all of you. Make sure you have me on author alert and you'll be notified when they go up.**

**Reviews make me happy, and a happy author writes faster. Just sayin'.**

**Love you all.**


	21. Moving Forward

**Chapter Notes**

**Hey beautiful readers.**

**Those of you reviewing? You are champions. Thank you. I may not reply to all, but I read and squee at each one.**

**Just letting you know I've been nommed for a few awards recently:**

_**The Silent Tear Awards - Best Humor**_

_**Twilight All Human Fanfiction Awards - Most Original Plot **_

_**Twilighter's Choice Awards - Wonderland Award (Best Alice) **_

**Links to all are on my profile. If you heart this story and want to vote, please do.**

**To Catty-Wan – You are my rock, my Goddess, my filthy-minded soul-mate and the best beta a girl could ask for. Thank you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, SM does. I own a crappy Daewoo that's leaking coolant. Sigh**

**Enjoy.**

**Chapter 21 – Moving Forward**

**APOV**

_Dear sweet swaddled baby Jesus in a fucking bunny blanket, I swear that these two are trying to fucking kill me with their banal bullshit._

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, ROB!!!"

I could feel myself quivering with rage as I glared at Bella and the annoying Brit.

It didn't help matters that I could feel Dr. Mc I'm-so-fucking-sexy-and-gorgeous-that-waves-of-scorching-hotness-radiate-from-me-like-I'm-a-fucking-heat-lamp standing behind me, making me horny and impatient and seriously not equipped to deal with the fucking idiocy I was currently witnessing.

Suddenly, the waves of heat slamming into my back increased and I stifled a groan as Jasper's hands snaked around my waist.

_Oh, dear Lord_.

His body pressing up against mine felt like seventeen shades of sexy and all of the bones in my body disintegrated as his head nuzzled my neck, his mouth moving slowly up towards my ear, making me shiver as his hot breath bathed my throat in wispy shudders.

"Alice," he whispered, his soft lips grazing the shell of my ear, "you have no idea how hot you are when you're angry. I need to be naked with you – immediately."

I closed my eyes as his voice melted my anger and set my girl-parts ablaze with desire. My mind raced furiously. I needed to get Bella and Rob the fuck out of here before I completely embarrassed myself by stripping off and dry-humping Jasper's leg.

"Pattinson – your apartment downstairs – do you have a spare bedroom?"

"Um...yeah...my place is just like yours – three bedrooms, three bathrooms."

"Good. Bella is staying with you tonight."

Mission accomplished.

I spun around and took Jasper's mouth in mine, winding my fingers in his hair and tugging frantically, completely oblivious to whether or not Rob and Bella were still there. He responded instantly, pushing his tongue into my mouth as he pulled my hips against his rock-hard erection.

_Oh, fuck me._

The memory of his delectable dick flashed in my brain and I moaned slightly at the thought. It was just so fucking pretty. I had always loved looking at cocks, particularly hard cocks. I thought the erect male member had an incredible, masculine beauty about it, but all previously beautiful cocks paled in comparison to Jasper's. I could feel it now, pressing firmly against my stomach as his tongue sucked and tasted me, making me insane with need.

Suddenly, I heard a low growl rumble in his chest. He swooped me into his arms and I vaguely registered Rob and Bella staring as he strode into the bedroom and slammed the door.

He spun around and pushed me up against the hard wood, lifting my right leg up and hitching it around his waist as he grasped my breast with the other hand and attacked my throat with his mouth. "Goddammit, Alice," he panted against my straining neck, lightly running his fingertips up the thigh that was wrapped around him, "standing there watching you go off like a firecracker in that coat and heels nearly made me cum on the spot. I have never been so hard in my whole damn life." His tongue flicked out and traced along my jugular before sucking my ear-lobe into his hot mouth.

"Ung...aren't you going to tell me that letting my anger get that extreme is...oh, Jesus...um...unhealthy, or something...?"

"What? Oh, yeah. I'm a therapist. Of course. Um..." He kissed down my neck, panting and sucking as he went. "Miss Cullen...you should try to control your anger more...except when your boyfriend is around because for some inexplicable reason he finds your pint-sized fury goddamn arousing beyond all belief."

He clamped down on my neck with his mouth, his teeth digging in as his tongue sucked the soft flesh roughly.

_Holy heavenly father of all things slightly painful but panty-rippingly erotic. That's going to leave a mark. Hell, yeah!_

"Oh, fuck, Jasper, you're driving me crazy..."

His hands grabbed the tie-belt around my waist and tugged roughly, wrenching it off before opening the trench-coat and cupping my breasts. My knees buckled and I sagged heavily against the door as he bent his head to my nipples, sucking and biting them hungrily, emitting primal groans that shot bolts of electricity straight to my desperate vagina.

"Oh...hmmm...Jasper, oh God..." I tangled my hands in his hair as he dropped to his knees and looked up at me, his blue eyes sparkling with lust.

"Would you like me to make you cum, Alice?" he breathed, trailing scorching kisses down my abdomen and onto the tops of my thighs.

My brain floundered. _Was this a fucking trick question?_ The man of my dreams was kneeling before me, looking at me with ice-blue sex pools and talking at me with the aural equivalent of female Viagra and _asking permission_ to give me an orgasm – the first orgasm I would ever experience with another person in the room? Holy mother of all things fuck-hot and yet slightly ridiculous.

A small giggle escaped my lips. He cocked his head to the side and looked at me quizzically, a devilish smirk curving the sides of his mouth. "Did I say something to amuse you, Miss Cullen?" he asked as he licked a trail of sparks up the inside of my thigh.

"Ungh...Jesus, Jasper. If you keep doing shit like that I'm going to pass out, or melt, or both." My center was aching and pounding ferociously, swelling impossibly and robbing my brain of much needed blood.

"Well then, would you care to share why you're giggling like a schoolgirl while I'm perpetrating my A-game foreplay skills on your very fine ass?"

"Um...no," I squeaked, unable to even feign coherence. "I just...um...never mind."

He raised an eyebrow at me and fuck me if it wasn't the sexiest damn thing I'd ever seen.

"Alice," he warned, his hands grazing the backs of my knees, circling the tender flesh and making it extremely fucking difficult to remain upright, "tell me what you were about to say or I will get you so damn hot and bothered you can't see straight." He ran both his hands up the back of my legs, from my ankles to my ass, trailing them around my hips then brushing them lightly down the inside of my thighs. My skin sparked and tingled, pulsing violently wherever he touched me.

"Too late," I groaned and closed my eyes.

Suddenly his hands were gone and my eyes snapped open to see him standing in front of me, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Alice," he said, looking for all the world like Dr. Mc If-you-don't-tell-me-what-the-hell-you're-thinking-right-the-fuck-now-I'll-be-forced-to-use-my-fuckhot-sex-voice-as-a-weapon-of-mass-crotchplosions-and-plunder-you-brain's-pleasure-center-until-you-not-only-bend-to-my-hot-assed-will-but-do-it-with-the-world's-biggest-shit-eating-grin-on-your-lust-drunk-face.

I giggled again at the thought. His eyes darkened. My giggle died in my throat as I started panting like a dehydrated puppy on a hot day.

_Oh, Jesus._ _I'm in trouble now._

"Alice."

His voice reached out and wormed into my brain, grabbing the responses he wanted and tugging them out through my mouth.

_Fucking hell - this man's voice will be the end of me._

"Yes?" I stuttered, clearly stalling.

"Answer the question," he said, moving forward until his body was almost pressed up against mine. He kept his hands at his sides which made me crazy because having those long fingers so close to me and not actually touching me was like a new and improved form of mental torture. I tilted my head up so I could get lost in his fathomless eyes. His breath poured over me like a shower of silk. "Would you...like me...to make you cum?" he breathed.

Holy mother of staggering sexiness, if he kept talking to me like that, I might very well pop without him even having to touch me. I swallowed and tried to ignore his extremely fucking distracting closeness.

"Yes."

"Yes, what?" he asked, his eyes roaming over my face.

"Um, yes, please?" I said, trying to remember how to breathe and talk at the same time. He cocked an eyebrow. "Yes, please, Dr. Hale..."

"Why does the idea of me making you cum cause you to giggle, Alice? Do you doubt that I can do it?"

"Oh God, no." I squirmed with shame, suddenly unable to meet his eyes and feeling self-conscious. "I mean...I'm just, well, kind of embarrassed because....oh, fuck, I can't believe I'm telling you this."

He reached down and took my hands. "Telling me what?" I could feel my face burn with a furious blush as his dark eyes urged me on patiently. I took a deep breath and brought my gaze up to his. Just do it quickly, Cullen, just like ripping off a band-aid.

"Jasper, I've never had an orgasm...with a man."

I heard a soft hiss as he inhaled quickly, his face darkening with what looked disturbingly like anger. "What?" he said tersely.

"Um...I said, I've never had an orgasm..."

He cut me off. "I heard what you said, Alice, I'm just having a hell of a hard time coming to terms with it." He dropped my hands and started pacing in front of me. "Who the hell have you been with that they couldn't be bothered to get you off?"

I frowned and tried to explain. "Well, they tried. I mean, I think they did their best, but when I wasn't feeling it I just kind of...um..."

He stopped pacing and looked at me. "Faked it?" His jaw clenched and he shook his head.

I threw up my hands in frustration. "I'm sorry Jasper, I just didn't want them to think there was something wrong with me."

His face softened and he strode over and took me in his arms, hugging me to his chest and stroking my hair. "There isn't anything wrong with you, Alice," he said softly as I inhaled his soothing scent. "Lots of women can't cum from penetration alone, that's totally normal." He pulled back and took my face in his hands, staring deep into my eyes and stunning me with his unexpected outrage. "What pisses me off is that if the jackasses you were sleeping with had EVER felt a woman cum around them, they would have known you were faking it and would have tried much damn harder to please you."

I stroked his face, trying to settle him. "Jasper, it's fine, really..."

He broke away and put his hands on his hips. "It's not fine, Alice. Jesus, if there are men out there who don't know how to satisfy a beautiful, sexy, horny-assed woman like you, they should be freakin' ashamed of themselves."

Once again, the mistress of inappropriate giggling reared her head and I snorted softly. He glared for a second more before his face burst into a breathtaking grin. "I'm sorry, honey," he said as he drew me to him and smoothed my hair away from my face. "You just deserve better, that's all."

I kissed him on the lips. "I'm glad you think so Dr. Mc Sexually-confident. I just don't know that my girl parts are going to be willing to co-operate."

He ran his hands down my back, cupping my ass and pulling me roughly against his awesome erection. "You just put your girl-parts in my hands and I guarantee you won't be disappointed."

A jolt of pleasure burst through me at the thought. "You seem very sure of yourself, Dr. Hale."

The sex-voice went into overdrive. "Oh, I am sure of myself, Miss Culllen, satisfaction guaranteed."

I smiled like I'd just won the lottery. "Cool," I said, because apparently I had now been reduced to a giggly teenage girl.

He grabbed the back of my head and kissed me, and suddenly I had no doubt at all that this man was going to give me the most incredible night of my life.

He pulled away and said, breathlessly, "Alice, I need you to promise me something."

"What?" I urged, desperate for him to stop talking and get to the sexing.

"Promise me that you will never fake it with me, and I promise that you'll never have to."

_Oh Dear God – thank you for sending me this man who I'm absolutely sure I don't deserve. You fucking rock._

Jasper wrenched open my coat and pulled it off me, letting it drop to the floor at our feet. "Now," he almost growled, "let me show you how a man should pleasure his woman."

He pushed me up against door, laying his weight and his fuck-hot body along mine. I gasped as he took my mouth, plunging in his tongue, sucking and probing me as all my sexy-parts blossomed and swelled.

"First of all, I need to get your endorphins flowing," he panted, "coaxing you into a state of aroused excitement." Ungh...w_ho knew medical terms could be so fucking hot?_

"Um..okay...aroused excitement – check," I huffed, gripping him as he lifted me up and wrapped my legs around him. He strode over to the bed and laid me down, straddling me and sitting back on his heels as he looked down on me with hungry eyes.

I reached down to take off my shoes.

"No," he ordered firmly. "The shoes stay on."

I lay back down and shivered as I felt his eyes blazing over my skin. "Okay," I breathed raggedly, as I felt myself igniting furiously under his fiery gaze.

"This is the first stage of the orgasm," he said reverently, running his fingertips gently over my breasts and stomach. I closed my eyes and shivered, my breathing rough and restless. His hands continued downward, circling the place that ached for them most. "As I start to stimulate you, your body undergoes certain...changes - your heart and respiration rates quicken and your blood pressure goes up," his fingers brushed across my folds before delving inside. My back arched as he stroked me gently, sending shudders through my center, "your clitoris swells, and your vagina begins to lubricate itself." I watched in awe as he dipped two fingers inside me briefly, pulling them out and deliberately licking them clean of my slick juices. He moaned in pleasure. "Oh, Christ, Alice. You taste better than every fantasy I've ever had about you."

I clenched my fists as my whole body blazed with color, tingling and screaming out for more.

Jasper noticed and started touching me again. I writhed beneath his hands

"Ungh, Jasper, keep going."

"Do you feel what's happening to you now, Alice? That's called vasoconstriction..."

_Holy Mother of hyper-intelligent sex-Gods._ I clenched my thighs as his incredible intellect began to turn me on impossibly further. "Oh fuck, yes, Jasper. Say it again."

He bent down and whispered in my ear. "Vasoconstriction..." I moaned and whimpered pathetically. "It means a narrowing of the blood vessels which, when coupled with your increasing heart rate, causes the skin to flush." He bent over and started lathing his hot tongue over my hard nipples. "I can see your breasts swelling, Alice – filling with blood as your nipples harden. God, you're so damn sexy." He sucked and squeezed my nipples and I was just about losing my mind with the uncontrollable desire that was galloping through my body like a wild animal.

"If I've done my job correctly, you should be feeling extreme stimulation at the moment. Are you feeling appropriately stimulated, Alice?"" He ran his tongue along my collar bone before biting down on my neck again, sucking the delicate skin even harder than before.

"HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF GOD!" I cried as I gripped his shirt fiercely.

He chuckled before saying, "I'll take that as a yes."

Next, he slid down my body, pushing my legs apart and settling his head between my thighs.

_Oh, fuck. Is he going to do what I think he's going to do? Jesus. _

The amount of times I had fantasized about Jasper going down on me was ridiculous, and now, there he was, looking at me with pure masculine hunger and licking his lips in anticipation. My girl parts wanted to reach out and wrap around him like one of the face-huggers in the movie "Aliens", refusing to let go until he'd given them a severe and thorough licking.

His eyes flicked up to my face, his finger gently teasing the area around my clit. His voice was low and full of need. "The second stage of the orgasm is called the I maintain your racing pulse, I can further stimulate you, causing the inner lips of your vagina to darken due to the increased blood flow to the genital area." His tongue flicked out and tasted me and I swear to God I nearly levitated off the bed with pleasure. He went to work, lathing my clit with the flat of his tongue, swirling the tip around and gently nipping and sucking on it with his lips as I squirmed and swore beneath his mind-bending ministrations. He built me up several times, taking me so close to the edge I thought I would combust from the heat he was generating, but then he would stop and kiss me gently, letting the tide ebb before making it swell again.

"Alice, I could eat you all day long and never be satisfied," he murmured against me, "but right now, I need to finish my demonstration."

_Oh....yes...please. Finish it before my pink-bits explode from frustration._

I looked down to see his beautiful face gazing up at me. He smiled slightly and said, "I think you'll find this next part very interesting." He looked back at my folds and I gasped as I felt him slide a long finger into me. He groaned softly and continued in a rough voice, "Penetration isn't always necessary to reach orgasm, but if you know what you're doing it can increase your pleasure significantly." He slipped another finger in, pumping them gently before flipping his hand over and doing something that made me buck violently and cry out.

_Holy magic-pleasure-fingers, Batman – what the fuck was that?_

"Can you feel that, Alice?" I nodded limply. He did it again and my body writhed around his fingers. "That's your G-spot, named after Dr Ernst Grafenberg, a German-born doctor who was fascinated by the female orgasm. Do you feel what that does to you? How the pleasure pulses right through to your spine?"

"Oh, God, yes, Jasper. That's fucking amazing." I could feel every muscle inside me begin to contract and tighten. I heard Jasper hiss. "Oh, Jesus, yes, Alice, you're almost there. God, you feel incredible." He kept pumping his hand slowly, flicking his finger into my G-spot and making me insane. "By now you are aching for release, aren't you? Your pulse and respiration rates have peaked, and you're nearly screaming for me to push you over the edge."

I closed my eyes and cried, "Fuck, Jasper, PLEASE! Push me over the edge!"

Then his hand was gone and I moaned in frustration. I opened my eyes to see him standing next to the bed, unbuttoning his shirt. He was panting as he dropped his shirt to the ground and quickly removed his jeans and boxers. My eyes raked over his beautiful body, lingering on his stunning cock standing straight and proud against his stomach. I whimpered and drooled just a little.

He crawled back in between my legs, placing his elbows on either side of my face and kissing me fiercely. He pulled back, his eyes almost black, reflecting the desire in my own as we breathed in each other's ragged air.

"The third stage is the actual orgasm, Alice," he rasped. "I can use several different methods to get you there, but I find stimulating the G-spot while grinding the clitoris to be extremely effective, but please, I'll let you be the judge." Then I felt him push his silky-steel cock into me, slowly and deliberately, watching my face as my body stretched and throbbed around him. When he was fully sheathed he froze, panting and moaning. "Oh, Christ, Alice. I've been dreaming about being inside you for so long, and now...God, it's so much better than I could possibly have imagined."

I closed my eyes as his words washed over me, amazed that I finally had the real Jasper inside me and marvelling how empty I had felt before this moment. "Jasper, having you like this...I'm....oh...this is better than any fantasy I've ever had."

He started moving, slowly sliding in and out, his perfect face frowning in concentration as he focused on my body and my pleasure. I reached up and smoothed his face lifting my head to kiss him as his thrusts became harder, more forceful. I broke our kiss as a desperate moan burst out of me. I could feel my body clenching in a way it never had before. Every muscle was tensing, tightening. I started panting, my breaths coming shallow and quick as Jasper groaned above me. "Oh, Alice, yes. Let it happen, baby. Let yourself go."

I started moaning uncontrollably, bringing my hips up to meet Jasper's thrusts as electrical pulses start firing and blooming inside me.

"Oh, God, Jasper, yes...I'm so close...fuck, yes. Harder, please..."

He pumped into me, bringing his hand between us as I threw my head back, teetering on the edge of a massive precipice and aching to fall off. His hand found my clit and started pressing it firmly in tight circles. More electricity pumped through me as his fingers worked me into a frenzy. Every muscle was tensing in anticipation, drawing up, drawing in, drawing me ever closer to something I had never felt before and was burning to experience. He grunted as I clenched around him, wrapping my legs around his waist to allow him to deepen his thrusts, watching my every reaction with primal fascination, seeing the ecstasy and amazement written on my face. I threw my head back as the massive coil of tension inside of me suddenly snapped and exploded violently.

"Oh, FUCK! Jesus, Jasper...YES! OH, GOD, YES, JASPER! FUCK, YES!!"

My body convulsed as shock-waves of pleasure crashed over me, spiraling out from my core as my muscles pulsed and released. I moaned and I felt my walls clamp down on Jasper's cock as he continued to thrust, and then he was crying out as I felt him swell and burst inside me.

"OH, GOD, YES! ALICE, JESUS....OH, SHIT!"

We clung desperately to each other as wave after wave of pleasure flowed through us, finally collapsing together as the last pulses faded.

We both panted raggedly, staring at each other in wonder, unable to speak.

Finally he said between shallow breaths, "So you see, Miss Cullen, what happened to you then was that your vagina tightened and lengthened around my desperate cock and your vaginal and anal muscles spasmed rhythmically, causing wavelike contractions that moved from the top of the uterus to the cervix, effectively giving you a mind-blowing orgasm and causing my cock to explode like a damn scud missile."

I traced his mouth and smiled, feeling completely content and thoroughly fucked. "Well, thank you for the lesson, Dr. Hale," I sighed happily. "It was most...informative."

He kissed me softly. "My pleasure, Miss Cullen."

"No, no, Dr. Hale, the pleasure was most definitely mine."

***

**EPOV**

"Bella, I'm sorry."

"I don't believe you."

"What do you mean you don't believe me?

"Did I fucking stutter? I mean I don't think you're sincere, asshole."

"And how exactly would you like me to prove my sincerity to you?"

"Well you could start by not being so damn defensive and thinking about someone other than yourself for a change. That would be something. Now try it again or I'm walking."

"Of, for fuck's sake." I huffed in frustration, running my hand through my hair. I exhaled slowly and pretended I was calm. "Bella...I'm sorry."

"Better. What are you sorry about?"

"You fucking KNOW what I'm sorry about."

"Yeah, well maybe I need to hear you say it. Is that too much to ask?"

"Why are you making this so freaking hard?"

"Because it SHOULD be hard, Edward! Do you really think this half-assed apology is going to get me to forgive you? Not fucking likely!"

"Okay, just stop. You're really starting to piss me off now."

"Oh, I'M pissing YOU off? That's rich."

I stood up and clenched my fists. "Ok, this isn't working. It's not helping me, and I'm sorry, but I just can't pretend that a six-foot five Neanderthal is the woman I love, so knock it off."

Emmett stood up too. "Well, now you're just being mean." He crossed his arms over his massive chest. "It's not working, dumb-ass, because you're not really trying."

"I AM trying. I just don't really see the point of doing this!"

"The point is that you need to start forgiving yourself so you can apologize to the person who needs you the most at the moment. Are you telling me you're too damn selfish to do that?"

"No, but I don't see the point in rehearsing for a happy ending that may never happen."

"Then why the hell try anything at all Edward? Why not just give up on the two of you and let her go live her life?"

"Maybe that's what I should be doing!"

"Oh, fuck me. If that's your attitude then just do it. I don't have the damn patience to tell you to hold onto the one thing in your life that could actually be your lifeline."

I slumped into the armchair and pinched the bridge of my nose. I hated the fact that he was right. She was the one thing that kept me going, kept me holding onto the faintest glimmer of hope, but I was terrified that by going back to her, I was sentencing her to a lifetime of my fuck-uppery. I was so goddamn torn between getting on a plane and going to her, taking her in my arms and kissing her until she forgot all about my heinous behaviour and forgave me - and the other option of moving to a cabin in the middle of the woods where I'd live happily with my two cats – Fuckwit and Dumbass - until everyone forgot about Asshole Edward Cullen. Hopefully I wouldn't start writing manifestos.

Oh hell, l bet The Madman could write a hell of a manifesto.

Emmett glared at me. "So that's it then? You're giving up?"

I looked at the floor, unable to meet his disapproving gaze.

He sighed and walked to the fridge, removing two cans of Coke and passing me one before popping the tab, drinking deeply and letting out a ball-tearing belch.

"Well, look, I'm disappointed," he said as he flopped down into the chair beside me, "I really thought I could help you, but if you want to give up, there's not much I can do, is there? To be honest, I'm more than a little relieved."

I frowned at him as I opened my can. "Relieved?"

He plonked his feet onto coffee table. "Well, yeah. I mean, realistically we were going to be pushing shit uphill to get Bella to forgive you anyway, and after Alice told me that she's been hanging around with that hot Pretty-boy movie star, I was really starting to doubt that even _my_ skills could get you kids back together."

I laughed sarcastically. "Hot Pretty-boy movie star? Rob? Are you serious?"

He looked at me like I'd grown a third eye. "Are _you_ serious? Have you _seen_ the man?"

I thought about Rob. I suppose he was kind of good-looking in a pretty, lanky kind of way, but I would hardly call him "hot".

"So what are you trying to say?" I said warily, very conscious of how my heart rate and blood pressure were steadily climbing, making my head pound.

Emmett held up his hand. "Look, I don't know Bella, so I really can't say how she might react to being around that amount of sexy on a daily basis, but honestly, if I started batting for the other team and had to choose one man on earth to cock-gobble for the rest of my life, it would be him. He's extremely fuckable."

I could feel my teeth start to grind. "Bella doesn't have those sorts of feelings for Rob."

Emmett's eyebrows shot up. "Really? Wow. She'd be the only woman on the planet then. Jesus, I've heard that boy can make women ovulate just by looking at them."

The pounding in my head was becoming extreme, and having a mental flash of Rob staring at Bella until she made her cum-face wasn't fucking helping.

"Emmett, shut the fuck up."

"Fine, ok. I know it must be hard for you to think about them together."

"I DON"T think about them together," I spat, trying very hard to make that statement true.

He nodded sympathetically. It made me want to smash something.

"Good," he said with finality. "Probably for the best, then."

I rubbed my eyes and tried to calm my pulse. I was definitely NOT thinking of their freakish chemistry and how they were probably reciting that stupid fucking Monty Python routine until she started giggling like a lunatic on laughing gas.

Nope. Not thinking about that at all.

I could feel the all-too-familiar fury bubbling quietly in the background and I was determined to not let it explode.

Apparently, Emmett had other ideas.

"I mean, if you DID think about them together you'd probably start to flip your lid, right?" he said nonchalantly. "I mean, really, thinking about him holding Bella, comforting her as she cries into his chest about what a bastard you are and how much you hurt her." I took a sip of my drink and tried to block out his voice. "He'd probably stroke her hair, maybe rub gentle circles on her back as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Then she'd look up at him and he'd wipe her tears with his thumbs, his eyes darkening with desire as he saw the need and loneliness in her."

_Not listening, not listening. Certainly not getting an infuriating image of the motherfucking Brit and my woman touching and groping each other. Fuck!_

"She'd beg him to kiss her, to make her feel loved again, to block out the pain that her asshole boyfriend caused her, and he'd say he couldn't do it, because she still loves you, and she'd say, "Oh fuck Edward. He left me. He's not here and you are.""

_He's right, Cullen. You left her. Why wouldn't she take comfort wherever she could get it?_

"And then Sexy-eyes would argue that it's wrong for them to be together but before he can stop himself he's kissing her and grabbing her ass as she wraps her legs around his waist and he's loving it because he's always wanted her and now he has his chance to love her the way she deserves to be loved, because, really, he was just waiting in the wings for you to fuck up. So they'd rip off each other's clothes and fuck frantically on the dining room table, and as Bella cums violently she screams his name - "OH, FUCK, YES....ROB, YES!!"

"COCKSUCKER!" I bellowed as I erupted out of my chair, my hand crushing the can of coke, spewing the contents all over the floor. I threw the twisted aluminium on the table and stormed towards the door.

Before I knew what was happening Emmett grabbed my shoulder roughly and swung me around.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

"I'm going back to LA so I can handcuff Pattinson to a hungry pit-bull trained to attack his girlfriend-stealing dick, and put Bella in a fucking convent where no man will ever touch her again!"

I got my fingers on the door handle before Emmett's hand shot out, grabbing my wrist and twisting my arm up behind me, pushing my face into the hard wood.

"Ow! What the FUCK?!" I roared.

"Okay, now, settle down, Precious."

I struggled against him, but my face just met more wood. "Don't fucking tell me to settle down, you giant ass," I spit through my door-smooshed lips. "You're the one who convinced me they're fucking on the dining-room table, so let me go...NOW!"

"And what if I don't, huh? What are you going to do about it, Nancy-boy? Do you need another lesson in ass-kicking because I'll be more than happy to teach you."

He let me go and I spun around to face him, squaring my shoulders and tensing for a fight. "Yeah, well maybe this time you won't have the element of surprise."

He laughed loudly. "If you think I need surprise to knock you on your self-pitying ass then you're even stupider than you look."

"Tough words, big man."

"Prove me wrong, Sweetheart."

I lunged at him, sure that my smaller stature and speed would give me some small advantage this time. I was so completely wrong. He stepped out of my grasp easily and brought his tree-trunk arm around quickly, slamming it into my chest viciously and causing me to flip flat onto my back with a hard thud.

I groaned in pain and said, "Ok, so...I guess we'll call this one a draw?"

Emmett chuckled softly and dragged me to my feet. I rubbed my chest and groaned.

"Okay," he said soothingly, "you can put your inner cave-man back in his box."

"Madman, actually."

"Whatever. Look, I was just fucking with you about Rob and Bella, but I needed you to realize that she's worth fighting for."

"I KNOW she's worth fighting for. I just don't know that I'm the one who should be doing the fighting. She deserves better."

"Well who the fuck are you to decide what she does and doesn't deserve, huh? Don't you think she might like to have a say in who she gives her heart to, and by all reports, she's chosen give it to your sorry ass. Have you ever to stopped to ask yourself what _she_ wants...because regardless of how unworthy you think you are of her, I bet she feels unworthy of you too."

"What? Why the hell would she feel unworthy?"

"Oh Christ, Cutie-pie, you really are fucking clueless, aren't you? What happened the day before you left her? What did you find out that she was terrified of you knowing?"

"What, you mean about her past?"

"Um, yeah."

"That doesn't fucking matter to me."

"Oh, really?"

"No."

"So you told her that the countless men she had fucked before she met you didn't matter and that you still loved her?"

I froze and thought back.

_Oh, God, no_. I could almost smell the hospital room I was standing in when I said those awful words -

_Jesus, Bella, you just don't get it, do you? I'm trying to NOT be the bad guy here. I'm trying NOT to hurt you! THAT'S why I'm leaving. I can't be here and FEEL all of this anger and hate because I'm terrified of what the hell I will do, ok? If I stay here and look at you, then my brain overloads with images of you with James' cock in your mouth, or you with countless men fucking you or being fucked by you, or me pounding James' face until I fucking cracked his skull open because it made me so damn crazy to think about all the things he did to you, and all the things he made you do to him..._

I fought to stay upright as I realized how she must have felt after hearing that, how she could have interpreted my appallingly ill-chosen words .

My God, I was truly the world's most gargantuan prick.

"I didn't mean that I couldn't deal with her past...I just...fuck...I meant...Jesus..." I shook my head to get my thoughts into some kind of comprehensible order. "Christ! It just made me so angry that so many men had used and abused her and hurt her and taken advantage of her and I couldn't do anything about it and even though it happened before I met her I felt responsible, like, somehow, I had failed her, and every time I thought about it I felt like I wanted to hunt every one of those motherfuckers down and make them pay for what they did. That's what I couldn't deal with – feeling like I could murder every single one of them and not give a shit, not the fact that she...Jesus." My fists clenched at my sides as another layer of guilt crawled its way into my mind. "For fuck's sake, Emmett, I think she's remarkable. I think it's incredible that she survived all of that and still turned out to be the most amazing person I have ever met."

He looked at me and nodded. "But that's not what you said?"

I groaned and tugged at my hair. "No."

"Don't you think you should?"

"What?"

He rolled his eyes. "I said, "don't you think you should?""

I thought about the awkward conversation we'd had the previous night, and how much I'd wanted to tell her then, how the words were clawing their way out of me but I had stopped them, terrified that she'd throw them back in my face.

I walked over to the armchair and sat down, cradling my pounding head in my hands. "What's the point? She's never going to forgive me, is she?"

"Now come on, Sugar-lips," he said encouragingly, "don't be like that. I've had much worse cases than this and everything's turned out well in the end."

I looked up hopefully, "Really?"

His face fell. "Well, no. What you did was fucking tragic, but I was trying to make you feel better."

"Asshole."

"Coming from you, I'll take that as I compliment."

"Don't. Has anyone told you that you suck at helping people find serenity?"

"All the time, until they realize the method to my madness and then they can't stop telling me what a goddamn legend I am."

"I'm having trouble imagining those sentiments ever coming out of my mouth."

"Give yourself time. You're a bit slower than most."

"Is destroying my ego part of your master plan?"

"No. Just a bonus."

I flipped him the bird.

He clapped me on the back as he sat opposite me. "Oh, sweet, sad, slightly unhinged Eddie-kins - how the hell did you get to be so fucked up?"

I started rubbing my temples, trying to ease the sickening thud behind my eyes. "Aren't you supposed to tell me that?"

"Well, I could, but I doubt very much you'd believe me."

"Try me."

"Afraid not, Princess. This is the sort of thing you're gonna need to figure out on your own, otherwise you're never going to change. Now, I'm here to guide you and occasionally kick you up the ass when you become annoyingly fucking clueless, but you have to start digging deep and asking yourself why you're so damn angry all the time."

"I know why – I'm angry because of what I did to Bella."

"Wrong."

I looked at him sharply. "What?"

"Jesus, sunshine, do you need to get your ears checked? I said, WRONG!"

"What the fuck to you mean, 'wrong?"

"Um, I would have thought that was fairly fucking obvious. I mean your answer was the opposite of right. It was incorrect, counterfactual, erroneous, false, in error, inaccurate, mistaken and fucking untrue." I glared at him. He smiled infuriatingly. "Look, Blossom, you have patterns in your life - recurring patterns - and all of these patterns have a single common denominator. When you figure out what that is, you'll find the solution to your problems."

"And you know what this factor is?"

"Yep."

"And when I figure out what this factor is I'll stop being angry all the time and trust myself around Bella again?"

"Yep."

"But you're not going to tell me what it is."

"Nope."

"Fucker."

He laughed again. "In the meantime, my young Padawan, you need to learn to keep a lid on your hot head. Any ideas of how you're going to achieve that?"

I sighed. "Spend less time with you?"

"You kill me, you really do."

"I wish..."

"Well, now you're just _trying_ to be hurtful."

I ran my hands through my hair and huffed in frustration. "Look, I don't know what you want me to do."

"Well the first thing you need to do is stop nailing yourself to that big old cross you're carrying around. You made a mistake. Accept it and move on. Life is too damn short to hate anyone, especially yourself."

"Wow. That's deep."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "I'm immune to your sarcasm, my little pork chop, so shut the fuck up. The second thing you need to do is find a way to control your anger or it will end up controlling you. Now, what calms you down?"

I thought about that. It seemed like forever since I'd felt truly calm. The last time was...oh, right...the morning of the day my whole life went to shit. The morning I bought Bella her iPod. The morning before the afternoon of madness.

Emmett snapped his fingers loudly. "Ok, I know you're thinking 'cause your face looks like someone just opened an umbrella up your ass. Care to share? What makes you calm?"

I sighed. "Bella. Bella makes me calm."

"Ok, fair answer. Now, on account of the fact that Bella's not here, have you got anything else?"

I rubbed my face with my hands, really not wanting to have this conversation with him.

"Come on, Sweet Potato – I need something to work with here. What else calms you down?"

I shook my head and exhaled loudly. Fuck. Why was the only other thing that calmed me so fucking embarrassing to talk about?

"Well...um..."

He leaned forward, urging me on. "Um, what?"

I raised my eyebrows at him. "You know...stress relief, by...um...you know...?"

He frowned at me in impatience. "If I knew what you were talking about do you think I'd be enduring your polysyllabic meandering?"

I huffed in frustration. "You KNOW...." I pumped my fist up and down above my crotch.

He looked horrified. "Stabbing people in the cock?"

"No! Jesus..."

His face relaxed as comprehension seeped in. "Oh, you mean masturbation?"

"Christ, Emmett, yes. Masturbation, alright?"

"Well, why didn't you just say that? Touching oneself is a beautiful thing, Muffin-buns. Don't ever be ashamed of it."

I groaned and dropped my head in my hands. "God, I find discussing this with you appallingly uncomfortable."

He stood up quickly and jammed a giant sausage finger in my face. "Tough. We need to get you healthy, and if that means detailing the how and wherefore of your cock-shuffling-schedule, then that's what we're going to do. Now, when was the last time you whacked off?"

I screwed up my face. "God, um...I don't know...not for a while. A few weeks ago I guess."

"Not since the incident with James?"

I scoffed loudly. "No. Definitely not."

"Why not?"

"Christ, Emmett, I guess I just haven't felt like it. Maybe nearly beating a man to death with my bare hands and then sending my girlfriend flying into a glass table and scarring her for life had a negative effect on my libido!"

Emmett held his hands out, urging me to calm down. "I hear what you're saying, Petal, but I think it's about time you built a fucking bridge and got over that. If spanking your ham calms you down, then it's time you got back on the horse. I'm assigning you some homework, Sweet Cheeks," he said enthusiastically. "First you need to go to your bedroom and hand-fuck yourself silly for a good forty-five minutes to an hour. How many do you think you could rub out in that time?"

I shrugged. "Shit, I don't know...four? Five?"

His mouth dropped. "Are you serious?"

I frowned. "Yeah. Why?"

He nodded slowly. "Nevermind. Respect, dude. Okay, so, do that. Blast the top off your surly fucking anger, and then you need to call Bella and tell her you're sorry."

My heart thumped loudly at the thought. "What? No. I can't. She told me not to call her..."

"But you called her last night."

"That was only because I thought she was in trouble, and technically when we spoke, it was because she called me."

"But you had a conversation?"

"Well, yes, but it was horrible and awkward and I couldn't say any of the things I wanted to..."

"Which is why you're going to go and tug the hell of yourself BEFORE you call her. You will then be CALM and hopefully, articulate."

I took a deep breath and tried to exhale through the panic that was rising quickly inside me.

_What if she told me to go to hell? What it she didn't care anymore? Oh, Jesus, - what if she WAS fucking Rpattz on the dining room table?_

"Look, Edward," Emmett said gently, and I was stunned at his use of my proper name and his suddenly-sympathetic tone of voice. "I know this is scary as all hell, but if you want to have any chance at fixing things with Bella, you have to do this - you need to connect with her again and make her understand that she's done nothing wrong - you know that, right?" I ran my hand through my hair and nodded. "You'll be fine, I promise. You know, the journey of a thousand miles starts with just one step. Take that first step, Edward. You won't regret it."

I nodded again and swallowed nervously as I stood up and headed towards my room. Jesus, was I going insane or did what he just say to me actually make some kind of sense? I was beginning to think Emmett was far better at his job than I had given him credit for.

I stopped and turned back to the man-mountain and said, "Emmett, that thing you said about the journey – that's philosophy isn't it?"

His whole face lit up. "Yeah, dude. Did I not tell you I have a Masters Degree in Practical Philosophy and Motivational Therapy? Whoops. Must have slipped my mind."

I laughed and closed the door behind me. Fuck me. The mountain had a brain, and a damn huge one at that. Maybe he knew what he was doing after all.

_Ok, bear-boy. Let's put your theory to the test and see what happens. What the fuck did I have to lose at this point?_

I peeled off my t-shirt and flopped down on my bed, unbuttoning my jeans and imaging all the ways I would show Bella how much I loved her if I was ever lucky enough to get the chance.

I thought about how it felt when she touched me, how she soothed me and inflamed me simultaneously, how every time we made love I finally felt complete and right and happy, and before I knew it, my hand was grasping my erection, pumping it firmly as I fantasized about being joined with Bella, her moist warmth surrounding and gripping me.

A few drops of pre-cum seeped out of me and I spread it with my palm, easing the rough friction of my calloused fingers.

I remembered the first time Bella and I had made love in our magical love-cave in New York, and how I had almost wept with the joy of finally claiming my other half. We had joined together so perfectly, so completely, like we had been lovers forever, and I think some small part of me believed that we had. She had yelled my name as she came that night, and in that ecstatic moment, I had never been happier.

My hand gripped my arousal harder and started moving faster as a montage of Bella filled my mind – her mouth, her neck, her hair, her beautiful body. Her fiery eyes blazing at me when I was an ass. Her glorious smile warming me when I made her laugh. The way she would run her fingers through my hair when she was aroused. Her soft hand caressing mine when she knew I was anxious.

A thousand different idiosyncrasies flooded my memory, every one of them reminding me of our love, urging me to get better, to return to her, to forgive myself, to make things right. I steeled my determination as my hand moved faster, small groans escaping me as I concentrated on my goal - on Bella.

The flashing images coalesced and shimmered as I felt my orgasm rock through me, her face filling my mind and her name falling from my lips as I felt some of my ever-present anger pulse out of me. I panted raggedly as the last shudders of pleasure dissipated, clearing some of my guilty fog and leaving a perfect picture of Bella, looking at me with longing and forgiveness.

For the first time in a long time, I felt more like myself - more like the man I wanted to be rather than the violent animal I could feel lurking inside me. The anger was still there but it was less urgent, more manageable, full of tiny microscopic holes, and in the gaps left by its inconsistent texture I definitely felt...calm.

First step? Taken.

***

**Author Notes**

**So, Edward is heading toward healing, and ALICE FINALLY GOT LAID! YAY!!**

**Next chapter, what will happen when Edward calls Bella? Will she really be fucking Rpattz on the table? (Pssst...go to The Screamers' Outtakes if ya wanna see how that would go...)**

**Thanks for reading. NOW REVIEW, BITCHES, REVIEW!!!**

**Love you all!**


	22. Tongue Tied

**Chapter Notes**

**Well, after the massive fail last week, I was thrilled to see so many of you come back and review the last chapter. I give all of you who did huge, perverted boob gropes. Thank you.**

**To Catty-Wan – my beautiful beta Goddess, fellow perv and all round awesome babe – I love you more than white-chocolate cheesecake, and that's a lot.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, SM does. I own a house that desperately needs a new kitchen and three new bathrooms.**

**Enjoy.**

**Chapter 22 – Tongue Tied**

**BPOV**

"BELLAAAAA! BREAKFAAAAST!"

I rolled over and groaned. The clock next to the bed read 9.30 am.

_Jesus. How is that possible?_ It felt like my head had just hit the damn pillow.

After my phone conversation with Edward last night, I had tossed and turned for hours, trying figure out what was going on between us. I mean, he had called me in a frenzy because he thought I was in danger. That had to mean something, didn't it?

_Yeah, Swan. It means he's he's still feeling guilty about what he did to you. It doesn't mean he's changed his mind about breaking up with you. Don't be fucking naïve._

I sighed. What the hell did I expect? That he would suddenly decide, after a week of not being together, that everything which drove him away from me didn't matter anymore? That he trusted himself again? That he forgave himself?

_That he forgave you?_

Fuck.

My stomach lurched.

There it was. The thing that terrified me more than anything - that even if he worked through his issues with himself, he would never be able to work through his issues with me. That he would never look at me the same way again because of what James told him...and showed him. That he would always think of me as...tainted...corrupted...disgusting.

Every time I thought about it, a sick knot of regret and guilt tightened inside me.

_Could he ever really be with me again, knowing what he knows now?_

The giant Magic Eight-Ball inside me ass-ended itself and yawned "highly fucking unlikely."

_Goddammit..._

A flood of frustration and confusion blasted through me.

_Jesus, I have no idea what the hell is going on anymore. I mean, he called me and he was concerned, and that HAD to mean something, and he said that I was perfect which is ridiculous but sweet, and he got jealous over Rob which I was secretly thrilled about, and I know he wanted to say something important to me but I don't know if it was good or bad, and now I'm fucking dying to find out, which is so stupidly masochistic it's just not funny, because even after everything he's put me through, I hate the fact that things are so strained and strange between us, and I am so damn confused about the whole situation that it's completely screwing with my mind, because even after the man has ripped out my heart and stomped on it with fucking combat boots, whenever I hear his voice, the giant ache in my chest eases a little and I want him to be with me, holding me, loving me, desperately, but when I actually stop and think about what he did to me I get so damn angry about how he left me and hurt me and made me feel like a piece of garbage and I think that maybe the fact he's not here is a good idea, because if he was here there's every chance I would kick him in the nuts to punish him for his staggering stupidity in thinking that he could do that kind of shit to me and get away with it, and now, even though I told him not to call, all I can think about is whether or not he's going to call, which was one of the reasons I told him not to call in the first place, because I KNEW that if I heard his voice I would be like a fucking crack-addict desperate for their next rock, and behold – I WAS FUCKING RIGHT!!_

"FUCKASSBASTARDSHITFUCKCOCKFUCKSHIT!!"

I pushed the pillow over my head and groaned.

_All I want is for things to go back to how they were, and every morning that I wake up and realize the whole fucking debacle wasn't an incredibly realistic and agonizing nightmare, a burst of anger and resentment shoots through me like a goddamn lightning bolt, eventually fading until the dull, throbbing ache in my chest is all that's left._

"BELLAAAA! COME ON! YOUR BREAKFAST IS GETTING COLD," Rob's voice called impatiently.

"I'M COMING!" I roared at the closed door.

_Great. A bad night's sleep, plus confusing thoughts and feelings about the former-love-of-my-life-slash-man-I-want-to-slap-furiously, plus an insanely-cheery-if-slightly-impatient-Brit, equals one VERY fucking grumpy Bella. _

I punched the pillow petulantly and stood up, stomping out into the kitchen to find Rob, leaning against the bench, drinking a massive cup of coffee and smoking a cigarette.

"Jesus," he breathed as he took in my stormy demeanor. "Feeling slightly homicidal today, are we?"

"Shut up," I grunted as he slid a mug toward me.

"Want to talk about it?

I took a sip of coffee. "Not really."

He nodded and dragged on his cigarette. "No problem."

We stood there few a few moments in silence.

He stubbed out his cigarette.

I shifted from one foot to the other.

He looked at me expectantly.

I cleared my throat.

Finally, I said, "I mean, honestly, what the fuck, Edward...?"

"Here we go," he mumbled as he lit up another cigarette.

"So, I called him because his messages sound all urgent and shit, and YOU told me I should tell him I was okay, and this _GIRL_ answers, so I immediately go ape-shit because that's fucked up, right?"

"Uh huh."

"Anyway, he calls me back and explains, and I'm fine but still pissed, and THEN he starts going on about YOU, and I told him to mind his own damn business but then I got all guilty so I told him that I wasn't actually fucking you..."

"Unfortunately.."

"...and then he says some shit about him damaging me which is fucking ridiculous because he's the one who saved me, and all I want to do is tell him what a dick he's being, but we couldn't even talk to each other because all of a sudden we don't know who the other one is any more, and now I'm more confused than ever and it's driving me insane and I'm sorry to be the one to tell you but it's all YOUR fucking fault!!"

He choked a little on his coffee. "What? How is this MY fault?"

"YOU told me to call him! I had no intention of calling him until you laid that whole "Oh, he's so worried about you...you might want to let him know you're ok," bullshit on me, and now I seriously need to find some crack!"

"Now, hang on one second," he said, pointing a finger at me before frowning. "Um...wait a minute...what was that about crack?"

"Arrgh!" I grabbed my coffee and stalked over to the couch. "I KNEW this would happen if I spoke to him! I shouldn't have listened to you. I should have talked myself out of it. Christ, what a fucking idiot!"

Rob came and sat beside me. "Ok, now...don't be so hard on yourself..."

"I was talking about you."

"Oh. HEY!"

I sat back and lay my head on the armrest. "Rob, I am so enormously fucked right now."

Suddenly, I felt him grab my hand and pull me to my feet. "Come on then. I have just the thing to make you feel better."

"Rob, I've told you before – I'm not interested in watching your lesbian porn."

"Oh, ha, ha, fucking ha, Swan," he grumbled as he pulled me back into the kitchen. "I was actually referring to the awesome breakfast I have cooked for you."

I looked around the kitchen. It was completely empty.

"Um...you cooked me breakfast?"

"That's right."

"In this kitchen?"

"Yes."

"I'm confused."

"Why?"

I looked at the gleaming marble and spotless sink. There were no dirty pans or plates anywhere.

"Because, Rob, it looks as though you've never used this kitchen."

"Ah, I see. You're impressed that it's so clean, aren't you?"

I looked around. "Well it certainly isn't contaminated by food."

He smirked at me and reached behind him to a stainless steel microwave. He flipped the door open and took a plate out of it, laying it proudly on the counter in front of me.

"Voila," he said, gesturing flamboyantly to an unidentifiable slab of steaming brown. A strange, alien smell assailed my nostrils.

"Wow, Rob...this looks...awesome," I said, feigning as much enthusiasm as I could.

_What the fuck is that thing?_

He beamed and nodded. "See, Swan? I have mad skills in the kitchen."

"You sure do," I laughed nervously.

_It looks like it could be used to bludgeon someone to death._

He pushed the plate further towards me and raised his eyebrows.

_Oh, shit-wads. He totally expects me to eat it, doesn't he?_

"Um...so, Rob," I said nervously, waving a finger over the crusty surface. "What do you call this?"

He frowned at me. "Jesus, Swan. Have you been living under a rock?"

"No, beside a dumpster."

"Oh, right. My bad." He gestured lovingly to the tan rectangle. "This, dear Bella, is the gastronomic delight known as a "Hot Pocket"."

"Uh huh," I said with skepticism, "And what exactly is it made out of?"

He frowned and looked at it. "Ah...well...it's got pastry and...um...then there's....stuff...inside it."

"Stuff?"

He nodded and smiled knowingly. "Delicious stuff."

"I see." I raised an eyebrow at him. "Rob, I thought you said you cooked for me?"

His face dropped a little. "I did cook. I opened the box, grabbed the nugget of yummy-goodness, popped it on a plate and cooked it in the microwave."

"Rob, that is not cooking. That's re-heating."

He put his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes. "Swan, would you like to go and get your own damn breakfast? There's a dumpster in the back."

I laughed. "Don't tempt me. I could probably find something more edible than this."

He glared at me. "Listen, missy, I have slaved over a hot microwave oven for four whole minutes. Now, don't be such a bloody wuss-bag, and taste the awesomeness of the damn Hot-Pocket!"

I sighed and picked it up.

"I'm only doing this because I fear for your fragile ego if I refuse," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Your selflessness knows no bounds, Swan. Bite the fucking thing already."

I waved it under my nose. It smelled like ass.

I gingerly took a tiny bite. The pastry was apparently made of two elements – incinerated cardboard on the outside, and industrial strength rubber on the inside.

_Come on, Swan, give the poor guy a break. Look at his tiny, eager face. He's trying to please you with indigestible pastry products – at least make a fucking effort to be grateful._

I forced a smile as I tried to prise my teeth apart. "Oh, yeah," I mumbled, "so good."

Rob's face cracked apart with the world's biggest grin. "See? I KNEW you'd love it. They are the most bloody brilliant food ever invented!"

"Well, they're certainly unique," I chimed as I forced myself to swallow the toxic mouthful.

_Oh, thank Christ that's over._

"Now try the filling," he urged.

My eyebrows went up. "I'm sorry, what?"

"The filling, Swan!" he cried as he bounced up and down on his toes in excitement. "That's the best part. Go on! Try it!"

I looked at the dark brown stain that was leering at me from the wounded pastry.

_Fuck me. It not only smells like ass, it looks like it too._

I suppressed the massive look of disgust that was trying to claw its way onto my face. "Oh, right...the filling. God, wouldn't want to miss out on that."

_Pattinson, you'd better appreciate the sacrifice I'm making here. I mean, I ate garbage for three years, but I've never tasted anything this gross. _

I steeled my resolve. The ass-pastry looked at me mockingly. I gave it the stink-eye and gritted my teeth.

_Alright you horrendous little fucker, I'm going to bite you now, so fucking accept your fate and go quietly. If I vomit all over Pattsy again I'll never live it down, and I REFUSE to be known as Piss-Girl AND Puke-Girl. Ain't gonna happen._

"Um...Bella?" Rob was looking at me with concern. "Are you imagining that the poor defenseless Hot Pocket is Edward's face, because quite frankly, I think you're scaring it."

I laughed bitterly. "Good."

"Well, go on then," he urged eagerly, "eat it before it gets cold. They're not good cold."

_Fuck. Not good cold? You mean they can actually taste __**worse**__?!_

I mentally pried my mouth open with the crow-bar of my determination and put the hard pastry between my teeth. Rob nodded his head in encouragement.

I bit down.

_OHMYFUCKINGJESUSCHRISTYOUHOLYMOTHERFUCKER!!_

A flaming stream of crap burst from the end of the evil pastry and coated my mouth, scorching layers of skin off as I desperately tried to spit the excruciatingly hot blancmange-from-hell off my rapidly swelling tongue.

I flailed my arms about, fanning myself with my hands and waggling my tongue in the air, searching for some cool relief.

"Jesus, Bella! Are you ok?" Rob cried urgently.

I huffed and cringed. "WATER!" I yelled at I paced and flapped in pain.

Rob wrenched the fridge door open, grabbed a cold bottle of water and thrust it at me quickly. I ripped the top off and poured the whole thing into my mouth, letting it bubble and dribble out as the cooling liquid drew off some of the agony.

"Fuck, Bella what happened?" Rob asked, frowning with concern.

I glared at him and tried to speak around my swollen tongue.

"Your thtupid Hot Pocket thcorched my fucking tongue Rob! That'th what fucking happened!!"

His eyes widened. "Oh, shit, Bella. I'm so sorry. I should have warned you that sometimes the filling can get a little warm."

"A little warm?" I cried with incredulity. "A LITTLE warm? For fuck'th thake, Rob, it wath like fucking molten lava!"

His mouth twitched. "I'm sorry," he said in a slightly strangled voice. His mouth twitched again.

"What the fuck ith wrong with you?" I asked harshly.

"Nothing," he said and fuck me if his smirky little mouth didn't dance around a smile before sitting back down again.

"Do you think thith ith amuthing, Pattinthon?" I seethed darkly.

He pursed his lips and swallowed. "No."

"Oh, really?" I challenged. "You don't think it'th at all funny that my tongue hath thwelled up to the thize of an obthenely large German thauthage?"

He desperately tugged down the corners of his mouth. "I'm sorry, a German what?"

"Thauthage," I repeated as clearly as possible.

A trembling squeak escaped his lips. I glowered like a fucking thundercloud. He frowned at me as his lips spasmed and pouted. "I'm sorry, Swan, I just don't quite understand what you're saying. A what?"

I huffed and rolled my eyes. "A thauthage! A fucking thauthage, alright? Like a fucking thalami or bratwurst."

He gurgled and pressed his lips together. "Oh, a sausage! Right." He squeaked again. "Yes, well..."

His face crumpled and saliva flew across the room as he doubled over, hysterical laughter exploding out of him.

"Thith ithn't fucking funny, Robert!" I cried slapping him on the arm.

He guffawed and snorted like a fucking donkey. Christ, what a dork.

"I'm sorry, Swan...but it is sooooooo fucking funny. Say it again, say it again!"

I put my hands on my hips. "I will not thay thausage again so just fucking forget it!"

He howled and fell over, pulling his knees up to his chest and holding his sides.

I tapped my foot impatiently. "I thould fucking thue you," I grumbled and poked my monster tongue with my finger. Fucking ow!

I prodded the giggling idiot roughly with my foot. "The leatht you could fucking do ith give me thome ithe, athhole."

He howled again, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Thath's it!" I fumed, stomping toward the door. "I'm telling Alithe!"

I could still hear his insane giggles and frightened protestations as I stepped into the elevator and headed back to my apartment.

_I will have my revenge on you, Pattinson. Oh, yes...and you will regret the day you ever laughed at my deformed tongue._

I stopped outside the door to my apartment and listened.

_Hmmm...no sex noises. Alice and Jasper must have finished their sex-a-thon. I so need to get the deets on what went down here last night._

I opened the door and slowly walked into the living room.

"Alithe?" I called tentatively.

"Here," a soft voice said from the direction of the couch.

I walked over and found Alice, lying on the couch in her fluffy bathrobe, a dazed and thoroughly satisfied smile on her face. "Bella," she breathed affectionately.

Holy Jesus. For the first time since I'd known Alice, she looked completely and utterly relaxed. It was strange and off-putting.

"Hey," I said as she sat up and allowed me to sit next to her. "Hath Jathper left?"

She looked at me in confusion. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I groaned. "Pattinthon crippled my tongue with an evil pathtry."

"Oh, for fuck's sake. Do you need me to kick his ass for you?"

I shook my head. "No. I'm thure I'll find thome way to get him back."

She sighed and lay her head in my lap. "Well, let me know if you change your mind. Torturing the Brit is one of the greatest pleasures in my life."

I stroked her hair. "Thpeaking of great pleathures – Jathper?"

She giggled. "Oh, yeah, he's gone. He had patients to see." She got a far-away look in her eyes. "He's so pretty and smart."

I laughed softly. "I take it you finally got to exthperience Dr. McHottthper – live and in perthon?"

She tilted her head to look up at me. "Oh...my...God, Bella. It was sooooo much better than I had ever imagined. His cock was so damn hot it melted my girl-parts." She squirmed slightly. "I think I might have actually sprained my ovaries. Do you think there's any treatment for that?"

There was a knock at the door, followed by the sound of it opening and closing. Rob appeared in the doorway. "Girls, you really should keep that thing locked. Any old sicko or perv could walk in here."

Alice sat up and looked him up and down. "Obviously."

Rob smiled. "Well, good morning, oh short one. Is your boyfriend still here or did you devour him after you two boinked each other senseless?"

She laughed sarcastically, and I held my breath, waiting for her razor-sharp come-back.

_Rob, you are in soooo much trouble._

"Pattinson," she said as her eyes narrowed.

Rob tilted his head and waited.

"You...um...if you think that...um...hang on..."

Rob's mouth dropped open. "Oh, dear God. Alice – you can't think of a come-back, can you?"

She scowled at him. "Of course I can think of a come-back, you...um...British dickhead," she said unsteadily, "and it's going to be fucking...great. So shut up."

Rob shook his head in disbelief and laughed. "Oh, Alice. This is priceless. Don't you see what's happened? Being sexually frustrated was the source of all your power. Now you've finally gotten laid, you've turned into a regular human being, just like the rest of us."

"Oh, yeah," she sneered defiantly. "Well if that's true, then...um...why are you so lame?"

Rob's snorted slightly as he said incredulously, "Shorty, is that the best you can do? Seriously? That was fucking pathetic."

Alice dropped her head into her hands and groaned. "I know. Oh, Christ." She looked back up to Rob with pain in her eyes. "Rob, I never thought I would say this to you, but, you're right. I've lost my mojo. Jasper's beautiful cock has fucked it right out of me."

Rob blushed and looked at his shoes. "Oh, ok then. Apparently you're comfortable enough around me to talk about your boyfriend's cock. Excellent."

Suddenly a familiar ring tone chimed. Rob swore softly and pulled my phone out of his pocket, holding it out to me like it was made of toxic waste. "Oh, shit. That's the reason I came up here. Your phone has been ringing, Swan, and...um...it's Edward."

I felt the blood rush out of my body.

Why the hell was he calling me? I told him not to call. Of course, he didn't listen to me. He never does. Stupid man.

_He's calling to say he loves you! He's calling to say he loves you! _My inner optimist was jumping upand down in elation. I bitched-slapped her and ordered her to settle the fuck down.

"Bella!" Rob's voice snapped me back to the ringing time-bomb he was holding in front of my face. "Are you going to answer it or not?"

I looked at the phone. It chirped at me impatiently.

_Oh, balls. I can't talk to him right now. My tongue is the size of a Pomeranian...I sound like a fucking cartoon character...I'll die of embarrassment before I finish my first sentence!_

"Bella!"

"Thut up, Rob! I'm thinking!"

Alice groaned. "Oh, Jesus. Give it to me." She snatched phone and answered it.

"Edward? Hi....how are you feeling, honey?...Uh huh...did you have your breakfast interviews this morning?....How did they go? Did those assholes keep the questions professional? ….Hmmm...good. How's Emmett?...Really?...Well you sound a little better...Me? Oh, I'm fine....Um,...." Alice's eyes flicked to mine and she smirked, "How are my therapy sessions going with Jasper? Well, he's REALLY helping me relieve some tension....yeah....it IS good, big brother, REALLY fucking good." I giggled. "Oh, you want to speak to Bella? Of course. That's why you called her phone, right? Um..." She looked at me. I shook my head emphatically. "Yes, she's here." I scowled at her. "Um...yeah, Rob's here too...why?....what?....No, they're not in the dining room. Why is that fucking relevant?....Ok...Let me just try and find her for you...hang on..."

She put her hand over the receiver and held the phone out for me. I shook my head. She glared at me and waggled it in front on my face. I glared back and crossed my arms. She stood up and thrust the phone at Rob. "Here...I don't have time for this. I seriously need to pee."

"And again with the embarrassing personal information," he mumbled.

She slapped the phone into Rob's hand and strode into her bedroom.

"Alice! Wait..." he flustered, waving the phone. The door slammed. "Oh...bollocks..."

Rob looked at the phone in horror and then looked at me. I mouthed the words, "I'm not here" to him. He rolled his eyes.

"Um...hi...Edward....how are you, mate?...Yeah? Well, great. Um...Bella's not here at the moment...ah...what? I am NOT lying...no, I'm not...Edward, I'll have you know I am an excellent liar...no, I'm NOT lying about that!" He looked at me with panic in his eyes. I mimed that if he ratted me out I would fucking kill him. He nodded in understanding. "Um...ok, well when you put it like that...here she is."

I punched him hard in the arm. "Ow...fuck, Bella. He really wants to talk to you...and he spoke to me in his scary voice. Just take the fucking phone, would you?"

I snatched the phone from him and punched him again. He flopped down into the couch and sulked, rubbing his precious arm.

_Okay, Bella. Just tell him you'll call him back later and for fuck's sake, don't say any words that have the letter 's' in them. You can do this._

"Hi, Edward," I said as lightly as I could manage.

"Hey, Bella." His voice was low and unsteady. "Um...I'm sorry to call. I know you don't really want to talk to me."

_Great. Now I've hurt his feelings. _

"What? No. Um...I don't mind...really."

"Are you sure? I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

_Oh, dammit. His voice. God, I love his voice._

"I'm fine, Edward,"I said, trying to stop the pounding of my stupid, voice-activated heart.

_Ok, so far so good on not using 's' words. You're doing great._

He cleared his throat. "Um...Bella, I have something I need to talk to you about. Is now a good time?"

_Not unless you want to have a conversation with someone who sounds like Sylvester the Cat._

"Um..well, not really. I...um...have Rob here, and he would like to...watch a movie...with me."

Rob narrowed his eyes and flipped me the bird. I slapped him across the top of the head and poked out my sausage-tongue.

"I see," Edward said, and I heard the strain of hurt in his voice. "Well, can I call you later...when Rob's not there?" I bristled slightly at his jealous subtext.

"Ok. Call back in a few hourth then."

_Oh, crap. "Hourth"? Brilliant._

"Bella, are you ok? You sound strange."

"Do I? I'm totally okay."

"Are you sure?

"Yeth I'm thure."

_Fuck. Kill me now._

"Bella, what the hell is going on?" he demanded.

I groaned and told him the truth.

"Edward, I'm fine. Honethtly. My tongue ith a bit thwollen, that'th all."

"You're tongue is what?"

I sighed. "Thwollen. Engorged. Larger than normal."

I heard him hiss on the other end of the phone. "Why the fuck is your tongue swollen, Bella?" he said accusingly.

I felt myself blush. "Um...it'th Rob'th fault. He thcorched it."

Rob glared at me.

"What?!" Edward's voice was bright and high-pitched with panic. "Why was your tongue anywhere near Pattinson in the first place...and how the fuck did he scorch it? Surely he's not that damn hot!"

I cringed. _Oh, shit. That did sound really bad, didn't it?_

I opened my mouth to clear up the misunderstanding, but the part of me that was still pissed off at him for dumping me took control and started speaking.

"Look, Edward, you have no right athking me thomething like that, and I don't have time to tell you the whole thwollen-tongue thtory at the moment, anyway. Pluth, I can't fucking talk properly, tho I'll call you back later, okay? We can talk then."

I heard him huff in frustration and swear under his breath. "Fine."

"When will you be free?"

"Jesus, good question," he lamented and I could almost see him pinching the bridge of his nose. "Um...well, I have interviews this afternoon, and apparently I have to go buy some more lotion now, so, fuck, I don't know...three, four o'clock?

I sighed. "Fine. I'll call you back then. Bye."

"Yeah, bye."

I hung up and found Rob glaring at me.

"What the FUCK, Swan?" he seethed.

"What do you mean, "What the fuck?"" I asked, perplexed.

"You know very well what I mean by "what the fuck", young lady. You just let your slightly-unhinged ex-boyfriend jump to a very wrong conclusion about my very innocent role in how your tongue got like that, and now he's probably going to come here and knock out all of my very pretty teeth. Hence my previous statement – WHAT THE FUCK?"

He glowered at me and I blushed.

"I'm thorry Rob. He just got all jealouth, and then I got mad at him getting jeaouth, and it jutht kind of popped out."

He walked over to the freezer and started getting out some ice. "Well, if he kills me, Bella, I am never going to talk to you again, you know that, don't you?"

I laughed. "Yes, Mr Pattinthon."

He handed me a glass with some ice-cubes. "Now ice that monstrosity of a tongue, woman. You're grossing me out and turning me on at the same time."

I laughed and sucked on a soothing cube.

"Oh, and Swan? Don't try Hot Pockets again, ok? Obviously you're not cool enough to handle them."

I sat down and sighed.

_Thank Christ for that._

***

Five hours later, my tongue had pretty much returned to normal and I sat on the couch as Alice and Rob tried their best to convince me to have a session with Jasper.

"Look, Bella," Alice had argued, "Edward is obviously reaching out to you at the moment, but it seems like you're pretty fucking confused about how to handle that. Jasper can help you. You've been through so much in your life, with Phil and Renee, with James, and now with Edward – don't you think getting a bit of professional advice will help put things in perspective?"

Rob had nodded in agreement. "Yeah, Swan. I mean, look at how much he's helped Shorty, here. She hasn't landed a decent insult all day and I'm absolutely loving it - although I don't think she'd be too pleased if he practised his miracle 'cock-therapy' on you."

Alice's hand shot out to tweak Rob's nipple. He deflected it easily.

"Jesus, Alice. Are you even trying or are you just this pathetic now?"

She sighed and ignored him.

"So, Bella, can I call Jas for you?"

I stood up and turned to them. "Look, guys, I appreciate the fact that you think I'm a complete whack-job in desperate need of therapy, but honestly, I think I can handle talking to Edward on the phone."

Rob scoffed. "Oh really? Cause it didn't seem that way this morning, Swan. I believe your exact words were, 'Rob, I am so enormously fucked right now'. Ring any bells?"

Alice took my hands and lightly traced the fading scars. "Honey, we just want to make sure you're mentally prepared for this. I mean, I have no idea what Edward wants to talk to you about, but what if it's bad news? How are you going to react?"

"Alice, I'll cope, okay? Now, could you two please stop fussing over me like you're on suicide watch?"

They looked at each other warily.

"Don't you want us to stay with you?" Alice asked.

"Jesus, no! I'll be fine. You two go and have some fun."

Rob looked horrified. "What? Together?"

Alice tried to punch him. He swatted her hand away easily. "Ok, shorty, this is just sad now."

She growled in frustration and jumped on him, grabbing him in a head lock and giving him a killer noogie. "HOW'S THIS FOR SAD, HUH, PATTINSON? NOT SO FUCKING PATHETIC NOW, AM I, BITCH?" She rubbed his head furiously.

"OW! Christ, Alice, STOP IT!! Not the HAIR, woman! NEVER the hair!!"

He picked her up and plonked her on the couch, quickly running his fingers through his precious locks in a panic. "For God's sake, tiny-annoying-person, don't you understand how bloody long it takes me to get this mane looking like I've done absolutely nothing to it? Jesus!"

I laughed and sat down next to Alice who was sporting a self-satisfied smirk. "So, what are you two going to do?"

Rob sat down in the armchair, still fiddling with his hair. "Well, we could hang out at my place for a while if you like?"

A strange look of excitement crossed Alice's face. "Ooh, can I bring cleaning products?"

Rob groaned, "If you must. "

Alice squealed and ran off to get her supplies.

Rob looked at me with concern. "Swan...are you sure you know what you're doing?"

I looked at him and smiled, trying to ignore the butterflies that were slowly multiplying in my stomach. "Yes, Rob, I'm sure."

"What if he says he was wrong and wants you back?"

A lump formed in my throat.

_Hell, that was a really good question. What would I do? Would I forget about everything he has put me through? Would I immediately forgive him and run into his arms? It sounds ridiculous enough to be something I would do._

"Rob...," I said tentatively, trying to discover my feelings as I tried to explain them. "I've never felt this way for anyone in my life, and part of me knows that Edward and I belong together, but I also know that we have a long way to go before that happens, even if he realizes he was a complete dick for dumping me. The damage has been done, and he's going to have to work really fucking hard if he wants me back."

Rob stood up and smiled at me as Alice bounded back into the room. "Good."

I hugged them both and watched as they walked to the door.

"I say, Alice," Rob crowed in his most pompous British accent, "can I interest you in the gastronomical glory of a 'Hot Pocket'?"

Alice almost growled at him, "Pattinson – if you so much as come near me with one of those things, I will rip your fucking dick off."

Rob stopped as he reached the door and looked at her. "Jesus. Alice. That was genuinely fucking scary."

She grabbed his arm in excitement. "Really? I scared you?"

He nodded. "Absolutely. My balls even crawled back up into my body a little bit."

Quick as a flash her hand shot out and crippled his right nipple fiercely.

"OW! What the FUCK, Alice?"

Alice jumped up and down in glee and hugged him. "Oh, thank God. My mojo is coming back. Jasper's funky cock-magic is wearing off! Yay!" She hugged Rob fiercely and he groaned in pain before stepping back to open the door for her. She touched his cheek gently. "Thank you, Pattsy."

Rob rubbed his chest as she walked past him and turned to wink at me. "You're welcome, Shorty."

I smiled to myself as the door closed.

Well, those two were certainly going to have an interesting evening.

I made a mental note to suggest we all go out for dinner after my phone call. I was starting to feel like I had been wallowing for far too long, and a night out with my friends might be just the kick in the ass I needed.

I picked up my phone and stared at it, knowing that I had to call Edward and face the music, whatever that may be. Suddenly, the silence of the apartment enveloped me.

_Right, Bella, you can do this. Just keep your cool, and let him talk. _

I took a deep breath as I punched the number and listened to the dial-tone. I could hear the blood pounding in my ears as I paced nervously, desperately waiting for the salve of his voice.

"Edward Cullen's phone, Bree speaking."

_Crap._

"Hi, Bree, it's Bella."

"Oh, hi, Bella. Like, how are you?"

"Really ordinary, Bree. Thanks for asking. Listen, is Edward there?"

"Here, as in the hotel? Oh, yeah, he totally is."

I waited...and waited. "Um, well, could I speak to him?"

She laughed loudly and I held the receiver away from my ear. "Oh! Right! No, Bella, sorry. He's here, but he's, like, doing an interview...thingy...."

"An interview thingy?" I asked, perplexed.

She cackled again and the hackles on the back of my neck stood on end.

_How the fuck has Edward not murdered her yet? Jesus, he dumps me from this tour and yet somehow acquired the patience to put up with Miss Excruciatingly Annoying 2009? That was wrong on so many levels._

"See, I organized a competition with one of the radio stations here to reward some of Edward's like, totes loyal fans, and the one hundred winners got to spend some alone time with him, and like, totes ask him questions and take photos and stuff. "

My stomach lurched and my voice came out harsh and fast. "Christ, Bree, what the hell? You organized some alone-time with Edward and ONE HUNDRED screamers? What the FUCK were you thinking?"

Bree snapped back, "Jeez, Bella. What do you care? You're not even his girlfriend anymore. I'M in charge of this publicity tour, not you, so what you think, like, totes means nothing to me."

I felt a burst of anger and desperately wanted to climb through the phone line and kick this bitch in the clacker. I gritted my teeth and tried to remain calm. "Bree, where is Edward now? Please don't tell me he's in a room with the fucking screamers?"

She sighed petulantly. "Not that it's any of your business, Bella, but yes, they're all, like, in one of the function rooms here at the hotel. On, like, the third floor, I think."

I had to concentrate to avoid yelling at her. "Bree, why the fuck aren't you there with him?"

"Oh, right. Like I'M going to stay in a room with a hundred screaming girls. So very no."

My head almost exploded with rage. "Bree, Edward has a fucking pathological fear of the screamers, you clueless bimbo! If you were doing your damn job, you would know that!"

"I did know it actually, Bella," she spat petulantly, "I just thought it was, like, silly to be afraid of a bunch of girls. I mean, Edward's like really tall, and stuff. He'll be totes fine, I'm sure."

_Fucking cow!_

"Bree," I said angrily, all attempts at remaining calm now completely smashed by this fuckwit's lack of regard for the man she was supposed to be taking care of, "you listen to me, and you listen good, because I'm only going to tell you this once before I start pounding on you, you dozy, incompetent idiot - you get your sorry ass down to that function room right the fuck now, and you get Edward out of there – do you hear me? Because if you don't, I'm going to get on the first fucking plane to San Fran and beat the living shit out of you. Do you understand me?!"

There was silence on the other end.

"BREE?!"

"Jeez, Bella. You don't have to be like, rude and everything." I heard a door open, followed by footsteps. "It's almost time for them to be, like, finished anyway."

I tried to calm my breathing as I listened to Bree prattle on as she made her way downstairs. I heard the babble and squeal of voices as she got closer to the room. A door opened and the noise got louder.

"OK, EVERYONE," Bree yelled over the commotion. "TIME IS, LIKE, TOTES UP NOW. SAY GOOD-BYE TO EDWARD....HE HAS TO GO"

I held the phone away from my ear as the screaming blasted out of the ear-piece.

_Christ, Edward must be going insane right about now._

I paced furiously as I tried to hear what was going on. I could hear voices mumbling, and suddenly the screaming lessened. They must be out of the room.

I heard some shuffling, and then a tentative and breathless voice said, "Bella?"

_Jesus, he sounds terrible._

"Edward? Hey. Are you ok?"

He let out a ragged breath. "They were everywhere, Bella...all of them yelling and screaming at me...clawing at me for pictures and autographs. I mean, at the hotel in L.A., they were always so polite, and you were there to control them, but here?"

I clenched my fists in anger.

_This should have never fucking happened. When Alice finds out about it, Bree is going to be laser-gazed into fucking dust. She'll be lucky if she even gets severance pay._

"Edward, just breathe, ok? You're fine. You're out of there now and everything's ok."

I heard him take a few deep breaths. "Bella, keep talking, please. Distract me, or I swear I'm going to walk straight into the lobby bar and drink myself into a fucking coma."

Shit. He was serious. I could hear the blind panic in his voice.

"Um...ok. Well, you know when you called earlier, and I couldn't talk properly? Well, it was because Rob thought he would be helpful this morning and make me breakfast, so he gave me this horrendous thing called a 'Hot Pocket' that he had apparently cooked in the fires of Hades because when I bit into the fucking thing, scalding hot hell-juice squirted all over my tongue, burning the crap out of it and making it swell up like a damn water balloon, and so then I spent all morning sounding like a goddamn Loony Tunes character whose embarrassing speech impediment had been mutated by a radioactive ass-pastry and transformed into the Monster-God of all Lisps."

I heard a soft chuckle and my heart ached to hear it again. _God, I missed that sound._

"Edward Anthony Cullen," I said sternly, "Are you laughing at my intense physical and psychological pain?"

He chuckled again. _Thank you Lord_. "Oh, Jesus, no, Swan. I wouldn't dare. I'm not stupid enough to think that even though we're in different cities, you wouldn't find some way to kick my ass."

I smiled insanely. "Clever boy."

"How's your tongue now?"

"Shedding like a fucking snake."

He laughed harder. "Oh, Jesus, that's just wrong."

"You're telling me! I feel like I've been blowing a grater."

He snorted and I joined him, both of us laughing together for the first time since...well, since forever.

Our laughter died down and he sighed.

"How do you do that?" he asked softly.

"Do what?" I asked, perplexed.

"Make me laugh even when I feel like I want pull my skin off?"

My breath caught in my lungs. "I...um...."

We both went silent.

_Wow, that was weird. For a second it felt like we were friends again. Like nothing had changed between us._

_And just like that, it was gone._

When he spoke again, his voice was tense and stilted.

"Um...Bella, listen...I need to tell you something."

I suddenly became very nervous. "Okay."

"Jesus...this is hard." He paused and I imagined that he was running his hand through his hair. "Um...after the...accident...in the hospital...I said some things to you...lots of things to you, actually, that...ah...well...I was trying to tell you something, but I think I fucked it up and now....God...now, I just want to say....oh, dammit! I practised this in my head. Why the fuck can't I just say what I mean for once?"

I inhaled raggedly, my stomach boiling nervously and my heart pounding with the anxiety of what I imagined he was trying to say. Everything he said in the hospital screamed that he didn't want to be with me...that thinking about my past made him crazy. How much more clear could he have made it?

"It's ok, Edward. Whatever it is, just say it. Please."

He grunted in frustration. "Bella, I don't know why it's so damn hard for me to talk to you all of a sudden, but I fucking hate it. I know it's my fault and I hate that too. I just don't want you to think that I left because I don't...respect you...because I do. I've never respected anyone more in my whole life."

I closed my eyes and tried to understand what he was telling me. He wasn't telling me he loved me, or that he missed me. He was saying he respected me? What the hell?

"Is that what you wanted to tell me?" I asked, hurt and confused. "That you respect me?"

He huffed noisily. "No...well, yes, but no."

"Edward, please, I don't understand what you're trying to say. Just fucking stop dancing around and say it, please. You're killing me here."

He paused and I held my breath. "Bella, I wanted to tell you that all of the stuff that James told me about your past? None of it matters to me, and I don't want you to ever think that's why I left, because it had nothing to do with it. Well, it did have something to do with it but only because it made me so fucking angry to think about what those animals did to you that it scared me to have that much murderous rage inside me. Do you understand?"

I swallowed as his words sank in. "Yes...but Edward you need to understand something too. They didn't do anything to me that I didn't allow them to do. I was never forced or raped, ok? I agreed to it...all of it."

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to imagine the expression on his face.

I couldn't.

"Edward?"

"Yes."

"Please say something."

He was silent for a moment, and then he said, "Why? Why did you let them?"

I shook my head as I recalled my state of mind back then. "I thought I deserved it. I thought I was an animal that needed to be punished."

His voice dark and heavy. "Bella..."

"Don't feel sorry for me, Edward."

He exhaled noisily. "I don't feel sorry for you, Bella. I feel fucking angry. As usual."

"You're angry with me?" I rasped, clenching my jaw.

"What? God, Bella, no! I'm angry at myself."

_Ok. Now I'm lost._

"Why?"

His voice was sharp. "Because I should have been there for you! I should have stopped it from happening!"

"Edward, you can't possibly blame yourself for that! You didn't even know me back then!"

"Well I fucking should have! I should have found you sooner, and protected you... and saved you."

"You wouldn't have been able to," I whispered. "Even if you'd been there, you wouldn't have made any difference."

"The hell I wouldn't!"

"Edward, trust me – you wouldn't. Some things can't be fixed by someone else. You can't save someone who doesn't think they deserve to be saved."

As the words left my mouth I realized how true and relevant they were, not only to me, but to Edward.

_Was that why left me? Because he knew I couldn't help him?_

"Do you deserve to be saved, Edward?" I asked gently.

I waited, listening to his breathing, imagining the rise and fall of his chest. Was that why he didn't tell Bree to shove it up her ass when she forced him into a room with the screamers? Because he thought he needed to be punished?

My heart thudded uncomfortably as the silence stretched between us.

"I want to deserve it," he answered in a whisper.

_Jesus. I just want to go to him and wrap my arms around him and hold him until he realized what a spectacular fucking person he is._

"But you don't think you do deserve it." It came out as a statement.

"No."

I knew how he felt, and I hated it.

I sighed. "Is your serenity counselor helping at all?"

"He's trying. He has some...interesting methods."

"Such as?"

He paused. "Well...um...calling you today was actually his idea."

A sharp pain stabbed into my chest.

_Right. Of course. Edward only wanted to speak to me because Dr. Phil had suggested it. Peachy._

He sensed my hurt and quickly said, "Bella, please don't think I didn't want to talk to you, because I did. Every single day I've had to stop myself from calling you because you asked me not to, and to be honest, I was fucking terrified of knowing how your were feeling because I've caused you so much damn pain it makes me sick, and I didn't think you would want to speak to me even if I did call, and then last night happened and it was weird because I felt so damn far away from you, in every sense, and even though the thought of you spending time with Rob drives me fucking insane, just hearing your voice...did something to me...it...God, I don't know. This sounds stupid, but it...made me feel like we were still connected somehow, despite everything I've done to you. So, yeah, Emmett kind of pushed me to call you today, but I'm glad he made me do it, because speaking to you...oh, Jesus, Bella...speaking to you...."

He stopped as he struggled to find the right words. I could feel emotion bubbling in my guts. "Speaking to you makes me believe that I need to do whatever it takes to get you back into my life, in whatever capacity you'll have me, because speaking to you reminds me what an amazing fucking woman you are, and how much I need you and want you, and although I don't deserve you now, I'm going to make damn sure I do one day."

I bit my lip as I felt tears spill over my cheeks. A desperate laugh burst out of me. "Cullen, that was the most convoluted way possible to tell me you miss me."

He laughed too, his voice rough and low. "God, Bella," he rasped, "I do miss you. So much."

"See? Wasn't that easier?" I wiped my cheeks and sighed.

He paused and I could have sworn I heard a soft sniffle. "Bella," he said tentatively, "do you hate me...for leaving you?"

I rubbed my face with my hands.

_Jesus, Edward, why don't you ask me to explain the process of nuclear fusion – that would be an easier and less complicated question to answer. _

"Do I hate the fact that you left? Yes. Do I hate that you broke my heart? Yes. Do I hate the fact that you're a monumental idiot and a dick? Yes."

I took a deep breath and pushed down the emotion that was threatening to burst out of me. "But do I hate you_, _Edward? No." My throat constricted painfully. "I don't think I could ever hate you. But I don't forgive you either, and I still want to slap the hell out of you for hurting me. Just so you know."

He sighed raggedly. "I can live with that," he said softly. "I fully expect you to slap the hell out of me next time I see you. In fact, I insist on it."

I smiled in spite of myself. "You are going to be so sorry you said that, Cullen," I warned.

"Bring it, Swan," he said playfully. "Do you really think your tiny woman-hands can hurt my manly ass-face?"

I laughed out loud. "No, but I'm pretty sure my tiny woman-foot could effectively kick your manly-ball-bag back up into your body."

He groaned loudly. "Oooh. Christ. You're making me squirm just thinking about that."

"Good."

We both laughed then, and suddenly he seemed so close I could reach out and touch him.

The laughter gave way to silence, neither one of us knowing where we stood with each other, but also not willing to deny the progress we had just made.

"So," I said unsteadily, "what happens now?"

He sighed, knowing exactly what I was talking about. "I don't know."

I bit my lip.

_Baby steps, Swan. Just keep things casual and see what happens._

"Well, maybe you could call me again tomorrow? What's your schedule like?"

He groaned. "Tomorrow? Bree has scheduled another meet and greet with the screamers. Jesus, Bella, the girl is driving me absolutely fucking insane. She leaves me at interviews by myself, she schedules stuff without telling me, she forgets to bring media releases and press kits with her. All in all, she's about as useful as a three-legged racehorse."

"Edward, why haven't you told Alice about any of this? You KNOW she would do something about it."

"Of course she would, but knowing Alice, she'd murder Bree horribly and then I'd have a criminal for a sister. Or worse still, she'd fire her and come out here herself, and as annoying as Bree is, at least she doesn't beat me up when I do a crap interview."

I chuckled. "Well, I'd like to say I feel sorry for you but you did have a kick-ass publicist all lined up to take care of you, but in your infinite wisdom you fired her and chose Bree instead. Sucks to be you."

He paused, not laughing like I expected him to. "Yeah, it does. Whatever happened to that publicist by the way? Is she still working?"

The emotion in his voice jolted through me. "Um...not at the moment. She's been taking some personal time after her boyfriend dumped her."

His voice reached through the phone and wrapped me in velvet. "What a fucking idiot. Please tell her I'm sorry...about her asshole boyfriend."

I swallowed heavily. "I will."

"Could you also tell her I was wrong about firing her? I thought I could do this without her, but as with everything I think recently, I was completely and utterly fucking wrong."

My breath caught in my lungs. "Edward, what are you saying?"

"Bella...God...I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I'm so damned confused it makes my head hurt."

I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my temple. "I know how you feel."

"Jesus, Bella," he said carefully, "I know I have absolutely no right to ask you for anything after what I did to you, but the more I speak to you, the more I wish you were here, and I know that's selfish of me, and I have no idea how it would work, but I just know I could cope with all of this shit if you were here."

"Edward..."

"Bella, wait, just listen, ok? I'm not asking you to take me back – I don't think either of us is ready for that at the moment - and I'm not asking you to forgive me, because if I was you, I make me work my ass off before even considering that...I'm not even asking you be my friend if you don't think you're ready, but...please, consider being my publicist for the rest of the tour. I promise to keep things purely professional between us, and I vow to be the most obliging un-temperamental rock-star you have ever met."

My mind raced and my heart nearly thudded out of my chest. This was the last thing I was expecting from him today.

A flurry of emotions blew through me – surprise, anger, elation, trepidation – they rattled my already erratic brain and I had to sit down to avoid falling the fuck over.

"You want me to...to come...and be your publicist?" I winced as I heard how shrill my voice sounded.

"Yes. Please, Bella."

I thought about idiot-Bree and her complete disregard for Edward's neuroses. I thought about the panic in his voice when he said he was going to drink himself into a coma and what would have happened if I hadn't talked him down. I thought about the longing in his voice when he told me he missed me...and then I thought about the hole he left in my heart when he said he didn't want me to come with him.

Jesus. Was I really ready to risk ripping off the thin layer of scar tissue that had just started to cover my raw wounds? There were so many ways that this could go horribly wrong and every one of them flashed before my eyes like a technicolor heart-fail hypothetical.

Why the fuck was I even still thinking about it? Why wasn't I telling him to go to hell? Why wasn't I throwing his stupid, selfish offer back in his face and cursing his name?

_Because he needs you, Swan, and like it or not, you need him too._

_I do not need him. I have been coping very well by myself._

_Right, by drowning your sorrows in ice-cream and assaulting innocent British actors? Yep. You're golden._

Fuck. I hate it when my inner voice is right. Smug cow.

"Bella?"

"I'm thinking about it," I snapped.

"Oh. Ok."

I rubbed my eyes. "Christ, Edward. Sorry. I just...God, I don't know about this."

"I understand," he said softly.

"I mean, we've been apart for a week and everything is still so raw, and I'm sure you still have issues to work out, and you have Emmett there and I'd probably just be a distraction, and..."

"It's ok, Bella," he interrupted. "You don't owe me anything, certainly not an explanation. It was a crazy idea anyway. I have treated you appallingly and I don't deserve to have you..."

"Edward, shut the fuck up," I said, sudden anger flaring inside me. "If I hear the words 'I don't deserve' come out of your mouth ever again, I am going to ruin your pretty face, do you hear me?"

"Um...yes, Bella."

I sighed. "I'll think about what you've asked, Edward, okay? I can't give you any more than that. I don't know if it's a good idea, for either of us, but I will definitely think about it."

He exhaled and when he spoke again, his voice was thick with emotion. "Thank you, Bella. Really."

"I'll call you tomorrow with my decision."

"Ok."

"Bye, Edward."

"Bye, Bella. Talk to you tomorrow."

I hung up the phone and sighed deeply.

_Christ, Swan, who do you think you're kidding? You don't have to think about it. You know very well that what you're going to do. _

_Yes, but he doesn't, and I think he deserves to squirm a bit until I decide to tell him._

_Evil bitch._

_Shut up, big mouth. We have packing to do._

_***_

**Author's Notes**

**Soooo, what will happen when Bella and Edward re-unite? Will sparks fly? Shit, I hope so.**

**Okay, so I'd really like to try something with you, my beloved readers. There are over a thousand of you that have this fic on story alert and faves, but each chapter receives only around one hundred reviews. I'd like to do a little experiment just to see exactly how many review hits we can get. Could you ALL please hit the review button for me, even those lurkers out there who never review (I understand, I do it too), even if you just type "Hi" or "fuck off you needy bitch" - just this once. It would be awesome to see a review count of 1000 for a single chapter! It would probably make me wet my pants and we all know how hilarious incontinence humor is. Let's dew eeeeeet my lovelies!!!**

**Love you all!**


	23. Reunion

**Chapter Notes**

**Holy crap, darling readers. Our little review experiment brought so many wonderful lurkers out of their fanfic closets I did indeed pee my panties a little bit. It was AWESOME to hear from those of you who hadn't said hi before. Thank you. You all made my tiny heart smile.**

**Just for the record, we didn't get 1000 reviews, but Chapter 22 received 400 lovely messages – Double the number of any other chapter. Huge boob-gropes and ass-grabs to all who contributed. If you all want to try and top that number for this chappie, I'm so there.**

**To my unbelievable beta, Catty-Wan, who puts up with my gross sexual innuendos and annoying impatience, I love you more than Cock-Sucking Cowboys – and that's a lot! You make everything I do better.**

**To all my home-girls on Twitter, UU, and Twilighted Forums – LOOOOVE you all.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 23 - Reunion**

**BPOV**

"Rob, let go!"

"YOU let go, Swan!"

"It's MY suitcase!"

"Yeah...well...I'm confiscating it before you can do something really fucking stupid."

"Going to see Edward is not stupid..."

"Wrong."

"Besides, I'm going there in a professional capacity."

"Wrong again."

I glared at him and yanked the handle of my suitcase viciously towards me. He glared back and pulled it towards him.

He huffed in exasperation. "Swan, if you stopped and thought about this for one second, you'd realize what a monumentally bad idea it is."

"I HAVE thought about it, Rob, and my mind is made up."

"Then CHANGE IT!!"

I pulled with all my might at the same time that he let go of the handle and I fell heavily on my ass. He snorted loudly before resuming his glare with renewed vigor.

"And don't try distracting me with your hilarious clumsiness. It won't bloody work!"

His head whipped around and he spoke to Alice who was murmuring quietly on her phone while reclining on the bed.

"Alice! Could you PLEASE talk some sense into the deranged ex-homeless person?"

Alice giggled, not even hearing him. "Oh, yeah, Jasper, that was amazing...and your tongue....ungh!"

Rob frowned and put his hands on his hips. "ALICE!!"

She snapped her eyes to him and he flinched slightly. "WHAT?!" she yelled as she put her hand over the phone.

Rob walked over and started removing the pieces of clothing I was trying to pack into my now-open suitcase. "Do you approve of Swan doing this?" he asked angrily, snatching several T-shirts and throwing them across the room.

"Actually, yes, I do," Alice said calmly, ignoring the airborne clothing. "She was always my first choice to go on this tour and from what she's told me about some of the shit that's been going down, if she doesn't go and bitch-slap some sense into Bree, I may have to hire a professional hit man to take her out."

Rob's mouth opened and closed in disbelief. "You're talking about work? What about Edward?"

I threw in a couple of pairs of jeans. Rob grabbed them and threw them on the floor.

Alice frowned. "What about Edward, Rob?"

"The man threw her into a fucking coffee table, Alice, then cruelly broke up with her and she's going back to him?!"

I grabbed a jacket Rob was trying to remove from the suitcase and snatched it away from him. "Okay, now listen up, Brit-Boy. First of all, I am NOT going back to him."

"Bullshit!"

"Pattinson, YOU were the one who told me that I should try to understand what he was going through!" I emptied the contents of my underwear drawer into the case and slapped Rob's hands away. "NOW you're telling me it's not a good idea?!"

"Well that was before I realized you were completely fucking INSANE, Swan...I mean...oh, Christ...what the hell?" Rob grabbed one of my microscopic g-strings and held it up to me accusingly. "Swan, what the FUCK is this?"

I folded my arms across my chest. "It's underwear, Rob. What the fuck does is look like?"

He squinted at the tiny triangle of fabric. "Well, it looks like a Daddy G-string and a Mommy G-string fucked like rabbits and produced this teeny, tiny baby g-string which should be kept in a cage somewhere until it grows the fuck up. Is THIS what you mean by 'professional capacity' because this looks more like 'fuck capacity'!"

He threw the g-string away and it landed gently on Alice's face. The air crackled with tension as she picked it off and seethed into the phone. "Jas? I'm going to have to call you back. I have to torture and murder a lanky actor, now....huh?...Oh, sure...I'll slap him a few times for you."

Rob backed up and yelled. "Jasper! Please get over here now and fuck the scary out of your woman! Her powers are gaining strength!"

Alice smiled menacingly and hung up the phone. "Don't worry, I'll be as harmless as a kitten in a few hours, but until then, don't fucking push me, Jaw-Boy." She sprang off the bed, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at us both. Rob instinctively moved behind me as she flicked her steely gaze between us.

"All right, you two," she said suspiciously. "What the fuck is this all about? Have I missed something? Did something happen between you, because at the moment, Rob? You're acting like a jealous boyfriend, and Bella? You're letting him."

Rob sputtered and frowned. "A...what? Jealous? Me? Oh, for fuck's sake, Shorty? Can't I just be concerned about my friend? I don't have those sorts of feelings for Bella! Certainly not since she puked all over me."

Alice looked at me questioningly.

I shrugged. "Rob's telling the truth, Alice. I did puke all over him." She narrowed her gaze and my face started to burn. "Ow, stop it. Come on, Alice. You KNOW there's nothing between us. Jesus, I'm not attracted to him in that way AT ALL."

Rob nodded. "Right! See?" Then it seemed like a light bulb went on and he looked at me. "Hang on...not even a little bit? How is that fucking possible? What about the hair, and the eyes, and the jaw, not to mention the bloody accent? You get NOTHING?"

I looked at him in disbelief. "Rob..."

He turned to face me. "And could you at least TRY to keep the disgust out of your voice. I mean, Jesus - I have feelings you know!"

I glowered. "ROB! Focus!"

"Oh, right." He looked at Alice. "Look, I'm just concerned that she's going to get hurt all over again. I don't want to have to lock myself in the bathroom again like I'm in a bloody horror movie! She's finally gotten to a place where she doesn't look like she wants to hit something – particularly me - and you're sending her back to him? I can't believe you're so fucking blasé about this!"

Alice walked over to Rob and took his hands, speaking in a low and condescending voice. "Aww, honey...look at you - all protective of Bella in a petulant and annoying kind of way. I think it's adorable."

Rob screwed up his face. "Jesus, Alice. I'm a man, not a fucking spaniel. Could you please not call me adorable?"

"Oh, he's so adowable when he gets angwy. Who's a cute widdle fing!" She reached up poked him in the nose. "You are, aren't you? Just a cutie!" She pinched his cheek.

Rob growled and gave her the finger. Alice giggled. "Look, Rob, I KNOW what an asstard my brother has been, believe me, but I think he and Bella will sort out their problems faster if they're together than if they're apart...and I just want them both to be happy. Don't YOU want Bella to be happy, Rob?"

Rob glanced at me and then narrowed his eyes at Alice. "Curse you, woman, and your rational, logical arguments."

Suddenly Alice's phone rang. She looked at the screen before mumbling, "Great. As if I haven't had my fill of stupid for one day, here comes a giant fucking monster-dose." She punched a button. "Hello, Bree. What's up?" Her face crumpled in concentration. "What?! BREE! Stop...I can't understand a fucking word you're saying...slow down for God's sake!" She started pacing. "Okay, now. Take it slow, from the beginning....uh huh....uh huh....oh, fuck me...how did he get a hold of it?...Oh for the love of tiny, sweet-smelling baby Jesus! Are you fucking kidding me? Does Edward know about this? ….Good. DO NOT tell him. I'll deal with it when I arrive....yes Bree, I'm coming out there. Bella and I will meet you in Seattle...BREE, CALM THE FUCK DOWN!! Bree...listen to me...please...I have no intention of physically hurting you unless you continue to wig-out like a complete nut-job! Look, keep it together until I get there and then I'll take care of it, okay?....Right...see you tomorrow."

Alice looked at me. "Well, the shit is really going to hit the fan now. Guess I'm coming with you Bells."

Before I could ask what had happened Rob jumped up and walked over to us. "Well, if Shorty's going, so am I."

Alice and I looked at him and answered in unison. "No."

"Look, you two, I am NOT staying here by myself while you two go traipsing around the country being all exciting and glamorous. Besides, this way I can keep an eye on Edward just in case he has any more plate-glass he wants to launch you through."

Alice glared at him. "Pattinson, for one thing, Bella and I are going for work, not to get sloppy-drunk and rub up against people - we're not the fucking Kardashian sisters - and secondly, what the hell do you think my brother is going to do to you if you show up with Bella?"

Rob swallowed nervously. "I'm not afraid of Edward." Alice started walking towards him. "You, on the other hand, I'm bloody terrified of. Stay away, evil dwarf!" He covered his nipples and backed up.

"Rob," Alice warned. "I have some major shit going down at the moment, and the last thing I need is for you and Edward to get into a slappy-fight over little Miss Hot-Tits here..."

I blushed. "Thanks, babe."

"No problem. So either help us pack or go home, because you are NOT coming with us, understand?"

Rob skirted around Alice and quickly sat on the bed next to me, hastily throwing random pieces of clothing into the suitcase and sulking slightly. "Fine," he said petulantly, "I'm helping, but only because I choose to, and not because you threatened me, you tiny scary nazi."

Alice smirked in satisfaction. "Keep telling yourself that, Pattsy, if it makes you feel better."

"What did Bree want?" I asked, intrigued.

Alice rolled her eyes. "I'll tell you about it in the morning. Needless to say, there's a strong possibility I'll be an only child by tomorrow afternoon because I will have murdered my idiot brother. Now, I have to book my flight, arrange for the car to pick us up in the morning, pack, and then screw my boyfriend senseless, so you two play nice and I'll talk to you later." She walked out, dialing her phone as she left.

As soon as she was gone, Rob started removing clothes from my suitcase again. I groaned loudly.

He grabbed my hand and stood up. "Look, Bella. It's really not too late to change your mind about this. Are you going because you feel some sense of responsibility to protect Edward? Because if that's the reason, I'm sure Alice can do that quite capably without your help."

"Would that be before or after she murders him?" I asked wryly. I looked down and instead of seeing Rob's hand, I suddenly saw Edward's – holding my fingers gently, his thumb grazing across my skin. I looked up and smiled. "Rob, I'm going because...I need to see what's left between us, if anything. I need to see him."

He looked down for a second before dropping my hand, rubbing his face and sighing heavily. "Well, I still don't like it, but I guess it's your choice, isn't it?" He looked at me. "Swan, please tell me you know what the fuck you're doing."

I stepped into him and hugged him tightly. "I know what the fuck I'm doing, Pattsy. Trust me."

He pulled back. "Just promise me you won't jump into bed with him immediately...please. I can NOT be the only person around here not having sex."

I looked at him in horror. "What do you mean you're not having sex? According to the tabloids you're cock-deep in various skanky actresses."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah. If only. The closest I've come to a sexual encounter recently has been your and Alice's annoying and painful nipple tweakage, and call me crazy, but it didn't really get me off. So come on, please, join me in my celibacy."

I laughed. "Ok, but only because I can't let you be this pathetic all by yourself."

He nodded solemnly. "I appreciate that and accept it."

We smiled at each other before I frowned and said, "Now, for fuck's sake, help me pack before I'm forced to kick your ass."

He immediately started picking up clothes from around the room.

"Jesus," he mumbled under his breath, "What is it about sexually frustrated women that I find so damn frightening?"

He dumped the clothes on the bed before looking into my suitcase and grimacing. "Um...well, just to make sure Edward won't be tempted to throw you down and fuck you silly, I'm going to have to confiscate these." He scooped up my g-strings and fingered them in awe.

I laughed. "Rob, I appreciate you trying to protect me, but if you take those, then I won't be wearing any panties at all, and I'm pretty sure that would drive Edward even crazier."

He looked at me and blinked before turning and walking out the door, stuffing my panties into his pockets as he went. "Tough. These babies are mine."

"Pattinson! You're a filthy perv, you know that?" I yelled after him.

"Takes one to know one, Swan!" he called, the apartment door closing loudly behind him.

I was going to miss that crazy boy.

***

**EPOV**

I paced in front of the door, my heart hammering like a fucking battering-ram that threatened to burst through my chest.

_She should be here by now. Her plane touched down nearly an hour ago. Where the hell is she?_

Bella had called me late last night to tell me she was coming, and ever since my pulse had been racing like I'd just run a goddamn marathon. I'd barely slept, I hadn't eaten, and in the three hours since we'd landed in Seattle, I had discovered I was physically incapable of sitting still. My hands twitched nervously as I wore a path in the hotel-room hallway.

I forced myself to stop and take a few deep breaths.

Bad idea.

I suddenly became aware of an excruciatingly annoying noise, and the inane yammering that I had been desperately and successfully blocking out, seeped into my brain like industrial waste.

"So then SHE says, "Who do you think would win in a fight? EC or John Mayer?" And I'M like, well, duh! EC of course! And she's like, "Well EC doesn't even work out, and Mayer like, works out all the time." And I'm like, "Well that's because Mayer has totes traded in his balls for a vagina and probs asks how many calories are in stuff he eats now, cause, he's, like, a total GIRL...and even though EC is a lazy ass, he TOTES has an awesome bod cause I had a sneaky peek the other night when you took your shirt off for the massage and that's actually why I dropped the oil, cause I was, like, "WHAAAAAAAT?" How can he look like that, right? Anyway, so I said, "Nuh uh, girlfriend, EC would TOTES win a Mayer smack-down" and she was like, "No way" and I was like "WAY", and she was like, "Mayer would totes own EC's ass", and I'm like "Yeah, right, only if he started pulling hair and using his fingernails..."

"BREE!" I said, a shit-load more forcefully than I intended.

She looked at me in shock. I ran my hand through my hair and sighed. "Sorry. Look, I'm worried about Bella. She should be here by now. Could you please go down to reception and see if she's there?"

She looked at me like I was speaking another language. "Um...sure. You know Alice is coming too, right?"

I glared at her. _You are fucking kidding me._ "When did that happen?"

"Um...last night."

I groaned. _As if I wasn't uptight enough about seeing Bella again, now I had to cope with my sister as well? Fucking great. _

"When were you planning on telling me this, Bree?" I asked sharply, pinching the bridge of my nose and gritting my teeth. "Were you waiting until Alice actually showed up and handed me my balls for lunch? Would that have been a good time?" My voice was becoming way too loud but I was beyond caring. "Bree, perhaps you could let me know less about John Mayer and his 'totes', and more about the things I SHOULD know, like, for example, MY SISTER IS COMING TODAY! Do you think that's fucking possible?"

I watched as her face dropped, her eyes falling to her shoes as she shuffled uncomfortably.

"Um...sure EC. Sorry. Ah...I'd better go see if I can find Bella. Oh, and 'totes' means, like, 'totally'. It's not a thing."

I glared at her.

She quickly moved through the door and closed it behind her.

"Shit," I murmured softly, putting my hands on my hips and shaking my head. _I'm really starting to fucking lose it._

"So, have you always been this much of an ass, my little onion-tartlet, or is this a new level of assery you have been aspiring to for a while?"

I turned and glared at Emmett who was sitting in an armchair, hands behind his head, leaning back and smirking at me like he _wanted_ me to punch him in the mouth. My fists clenched in anticipation.

"Go ahead, cream-puff," he goaded. "I'd hate to go one day without opening a can of whoop-ass on your delicate bod."

"Don't fucking start with me, Emmett," I warned. "Not today."

I started pacing again, feeling the familiar burn of anger rising in my blood.

Emmett got up and walked over to me, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched me calmly.

"So, this is seriously how you're going to pass the time until Bella arrives? Have you even whacked off this morning?"

"Yes."

"How many times?"

I cringed. "Why is that important to you? Do you get some sort of perverted pleasure from talking about my masturbation habits?"

"Edward," he said in his serious therapist's voice, "have you or have you not been feeling better since I started helping you?"

I stopped and glared at him. "I suppose," I mumbled grudgingly.

"And do you think I MIGHT know what the hell I'm doing in dealing with your issues?"

I shrugged noncommittally. "Maybe." _Jesus, could you sound more like a five year-old, Cullen?_

He slapped me across the top of the head. "OW!"

"Then stop fucking second-guessing me, bitch, and tell me how many times you've tugged your tackle today!"

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "Four, okay?"

He blew out a faint whistle. "Jesus. Four? When the hell did you have time to abuse yourself four times?"

I rolled my eyes. "I've had plenty of time."

"When?" he demanded.

"Oh, fuck me, Emmett." I counted off angrily on my fingers. "Once in the shower this morning, once on the plane, two since we arrived. There. Four. Satisfied?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Obviously you're not, you insatiable little cock-monster. Four times and you're still this uptight? Christ, I'd be so fucking soft you could spread me on toast if I'd spanked it four times in one morning, but not you. Hmmm. We may need to try something else."

I huffed and stopped pacing. "Like what?"

He glared at me. "Well, for a start, you can drop the fucking attitude, Sticky-buns, or you might just find my foot up your ass."

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. I really needed to get my shit together if I had any chance of not completely falling apart when Bella arrived.

_Come on, Cullen. Suck it up for God's sake. _

"Sorry," I mumbled softly, looking up at Emmett's thundery face.

He grabbed my arm roughly and pulled me over to the couch. "I forgive you, Princess Buttercup, but try a bit fucking harder would you? I can't do this if you're not on board, capiche?" He let me go and sat in the armchair again, gesturing to the couch. "Ok, lie down, Sweet Pea. Let's see if we can meditate a bit of your ass-hattery out of you."

I flopped down and put my legs up on the arm of the couch, closing my eyes and trying to breathe evenly.

Emmett had tried meditation with me once before. I don't think I reacted the way he had planned. I'd fallen asleep, and not just a light doze either. I had crashed to the deepest depths of unconsciousness, only waking up when Emmett had resorted to dumping a glass of ice-water on my face. Fucker.

Right now, however, I was wound tighter than a fucking Swiss watch, so I was pretty sure that short of been pumped full of chloroform, or beaten about the head with a two by four, there was no fucking chance I would be falling asleep today.

Emmett's calm, low voice broke through my thoughts. "Ok, now, just relax. Focus on your breathing...that's it. Slow steady breaths - in through your nose, out through your mouth. Feel yourself relaxing. Every muscle is letting go...releasing tension...feeling at peace."

I could feel the anxiety start to disappear as I listened to Emmett's voice, my pulse slowed and the irrational need to break something – namely Emmett's face - lessened.

"Now, Edward...I want you to think about what you're going to do today...how you're going to feel when you see Bella again."

My heart rate sped up immediately, thudding roughly and painfully, and it was quickly joined by a twisting jolt of guilt that spasmed in my stomach.

"Okay, now keep breathing...settle down....even out your emotions...stay calm."

I slowed my breathing again, letting the emotional knots inside me slowly unravel, tugging at them with calming air until they completely released.

"Good...that's it...you control your emotions...they don't control you."

I concentrated on the steady huffs of air as my chest moved rhythmically, more than a little amazed that I was actually feeling better.

The madman had been a constant presence in my head for so many years, I couldn't remember a time when he wasn't there, but since the incident with James, I had suppressed him more fully than ever before.

Still, I was always aware of him, skulking in the corners of my consciousness, looking for weaknesses in control so he could poke his head out and have a moment of freedom. But now, lying here, purposefully reining in my emotions, I couldn't feel him at all. All I could feel was me, alone, no dark voice whispering in the background, and it was so fucking empowering I thought my chest would explode.

"Now, Edward, I want you to think about what you're going to do when you finally see Bella. I want you to visualize staying in control...for her...giving her what she wants...saying the words she needs to hear."

Suddenly, I heard a gentle knock on the door. My eyes snapped open.

_It's her. I know it's her. I can feel her through the wood. _

Fuck. The Madman was back. He lapped up my nerves and anxiety and converted them into power. He smiled as my pulse immediately doubled.

I sat up quickly, my heart thundering to life and kicking into overdrive as I looked at Emmett with wide eyes.

"Edward," he warned, "Just settle the fuck down, okay? Be calm."

I exploded off the couch and practically sprinted to the door.

Just as my fingers frantically grasped the door handle, I felt Emmett's massive meaty paw land on my shoulder. He spun me around to face him.

"Edward!" he said forcefully. "You are not opening that fucking door until you take a deep breath and count to ten, do you understand?"

My jaw clenched violently and I had to stop myself from throwing him off me and ripping the goddamn door off its hinges. Instead I closed my eyes and breathed, counting slowly to ten as he watched me carefully.

"Good," he said as I opened my eyes. "Now, stay calm, open the door, and for fuck's sake, try not to jizz in you pants," he smirked at me and walked back into the living room.

I exhaled once more and grasped the handle, pulling the door open as smoothly as I could.

I stopped breathing.

She was there. Her back was to me and as she heard the door open she spun around, her hair falling across her shoulders, her smell reaching out and caressing me, her face taking my breath away as she looked into my eyes.

"Bella," I whispered through frozen lungs.

"Hi," she said nervously, biting her lip and looking away from my gaze.

God, she was even more beautiful than I remembered.

My entire body vibrated in her presence, and a tingling warmth spread through my veins, numbing the anger, replacing it with something else – something more powerful and infinitely more fucking satisfying.

I stifled a groan as I looked at her.

Fuck me.

I felt like a dying man who had just been shocked back to life. I grabbed my thigh to stop myself from reaching out and stroking her face. I could feel myself panting as my heart tried to claw itself out of my chest in an effort to get to her, to re-claim her as mine.

But she wasn't. Not yet.

"Um...you...ah," I said, shaking myself back to reality. _Brilliant start, Cullen. How about we try an actual sentence now?_ "Um...Hi, come in." _Masterfully done._

She looked at me warily, and I tried to compose my face.

"Ok."

She breezed past me, and I breathed deeply, drawing in her scent as it wafted around me. I followed her helplessly down the hallway, as if she was the Pied Piper and I was an enthralled rat.

As she reached the living room, Emmett stepped forward and smiled, offering her his hand.

"Hi, Bella," he said smoothly, engulfing her hand in his, "I'm Emmett - Edward's Serenity Counselor – so nice to finally meet you."

Bella shook Emmett's hand and smiled self-consciously. "Um...hi. You're really fucking big."

Emmett laughed loudly. "Edward said you were funny, but he didn't really describe how beautiful you were."

A wave of jealousy rocked through me.

_Jesus, why did this guy insist on pressing all of my buttons? Isn't he supposed to help me, not fucking torture me?_

I grabbed Emmett roughly and pushed him towards the door. "Ok, so, you have to go. I'll talk to you later."

He chuckled softly under his breath as I wrenched the door open for him. "Wow. She's really hot, isn't she?"

I snarled as I pushed him into the hallway. "Keep your fucking eyeballs off her, Emmett, or I'll remove them with a spoon."

He sighed theatrically. "When will you learn, my overly-aggressive candy apple, that your inner cave-man doesn't fucking scare me."

"Madman," I snapped as I tried to shut the door.

The door shuddered as it hit his hand. He pushed it back and smirked at me.

"Wow, you're really hot when you're jealous, do you know that? Almost as cute as Bella's pretty-boy movie-star friend. Do you think she could introduce us?"

"Bite me," I growled as I slammed the door in his face and strode back into the living room. Bella turned to look at me.

"Hey," she said, shifting from one foot to the other and fiddling with the hem of her skirt.

Jesus. She was wearing a skirt.

My eyes skimmed down her legs and back up again. I swallowed hard as I tried to control the hormones that exploded through my body. I shoved my hands in my pockets to disguise the fact that I was getting harder every second I looked at her.

"Hey," I said, trying to sound like I wasn't gasping for air.

We looked at each other, neither one knowing what to say or do next. The air felt like it was made of invisible embers, igniting me from the inside with every breath. My mind raced, trying to find the right words to say to her, to let her know how I felt, to make things right between us.

I realized we couldn't go straight back to being how we were before...well...before I went insane, but that didn't stop every single part of me from screaming out to touch her and take her in my arms.

My thighs tensed as I kept my feet from walking to where she was and pulling her to me.

My mouth opened. She leaned forward slightly, waiting to hear what I would say. The pressure of her gaze froze my words and I snapped my mouth shut again. She exhaled and leaned back, frowning slightly.

_Christ Cullen, speak! Say something to her! Anything! You look like fucking Marcel Marceau at the moment!_

I took a tentative step forward. "Bella," I began nervously, "Um...I just...need to tell you...that..."

I stopped.

I was acting like a fucking idiot. I could feel her looking at me, waiting for me say the one thing she needed to hear most. I parked my anxiety and put my mouth in gear.

"I'm sorry," I said simply.

I held my breath as I waited for her reaction.

She looked at me intensely and her face began to twitch slightly.

"You're...sorry?" she said quietly.

I knew the look on her face. It was the look she got right before she exploded like a fucking volcano. I scrambled to diffuse her.

"Bella, I understand how angry you must be..."

"Do you?" she snapped. "Do you have any idea what you did to me when you left me, Edward?" She stepped forward and looked up at me, her eyes dangerous and sharp. "You thought you were protecting me? You nearly fucking KILLED me!"

"I know that."

"No you DON'T!" she yelled fiercely. "You don't know because if you loved me like you said, you couldn't have done that to me! You just couldn't!"

I could see her fists ball at her sides and I knew what was coming. I didn't care. I deserved it. I'd take everything she wanted to do to me and just be fucking grateful that she was here.

She brought her fists up and started pounding my chest, hitting me and yelling as tears started streaming down her face.

"How could you do that to me? HOW?! How could you just leave me there?! I NEEDED YOU AND YOU LEFT ME!"

She punched and flailed at me, screaming obscenities and cursing me. I stood still and took it, accepting the physical pain to try, in some small measure, to make up for her emotional pain.

"Bella, I'm sorry." I spoke softly as she continued to pummel me, repeating the words over and over again, letting her take out her frustration and anger on me. "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry."

My chest was throbbing by the time she finished. Her fists came down one last time, resting on my chest as she collapsed against me. "I hate you," she panted roughly. "I hate you for leaving me."

"I know," I said, finally daring to bring up a hand to stroke her hair.

She squirmed slightly as she felt me touch her. I pulled my hand away and waited, just breathing and using all my energy to hold myself still for her.

Her fists gradually loosened, and finally her hands were lying flat on my chest. I closed my eyes and tried desperately to ignore the vicious burn that spread from her palms, engulfing me and quickly incinerating my tenuous thread of control.

"Bella," I said carefully. "I think you should maybe sit down."

She looked up at me, her eyes hard and challenging. "Why?"

I clenched my jaw. "Because if you keep standing there with your hands on my body, I'm going to do something we're both going to regret."

Her eyes darkened and she pressed her palms harder into my chest.

"Bella," I warned, every muscle tensing and fighting against my brain's directive to not touch her.

She pushed me, hard, and I stumbled backwards.

"With everything we've been through, everything we now know about each other, do you honestly think we have any more room for regrets?" she asked acidly. She shoved me again and my back hit the wall, thudding loudly as she advanced on me. I felt my body flood with desire, her passion and fire driving me fucking insane with it. I pushed my head back against the wall as she pressed her body against mine. I desperately fought the goddamn overwhelming need to take her mouth in mine and kiss her fiercely.

"Do you regret leaving me, Edward?" she demanded, her breathing shallow and quick.

"Yes."

She put her hands on my chest again and dug her fingers roughly into my pecs. I tensed in pain.

"Do you regret breaking my heart?"

"Yes," I hissed through clenched teeth.

Her hands traveled up to my neck, ghosting across my pulse then continuing to my jaw. She traced my face as I tried to glue my hands to the fucking wall, stifling every natural urge I had in an effort to keep control, and let me tell you, it wasn't fucking easy, and she knew it.

She watched with wicked delight as I struggled under her electric fingers. She was torturing me. Testing me. Willing me to break and crumble. I clenched my jaw as her fingers found my hair, burying themselves in it and tugging hard. I raked her face with my eyes, drinking in every detail as she pushed and goaded me.

"Do you love me, Edward?" she finally whispered, looking into my eyes with infinite sadness.

"Yes," I said without hesitation, my voice rough with want and need.

She trailed her fingers back down to the front of my shirt and started undoing the buttons.

_Oh, fuck you God! How the fuck am I supposed to react to this? Give me a fucking break!_

I grabbed her hands and stilled them. Her eyes snapped up to mine as a jolt of electricity pulsed through both of us. We both gasped slightly, the soft hush of our breathing the only sound in the quiet room.

"Bella," I rasped, "Stop."

"Why?" she demanded, snatching her hands away, "because you say so?"

"Because it's the right thing to do," I countered. "I've fucked things up with you once already. I can't let that happen again."

"Edward," she seethed as she pushed against me harder, "I think I've just about had enough of you deciding what's right and what's wrong in this goddamn relationship." She picked up one of my hands and brought it to her face.

I knew I should pull away, but I couldn't. I was mesmerized as I watched her mouth open, her tongue flicking out as she licked a scorching path across my palm. My head fell back against the wall and I groaned as I hardened uncomfortably in my pants.

"From now on," she said intensely, her warm breath sending shivers over my skin, "we're going to try things MY way." I gasped as she sucked my index finger into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it and driving me fucking crazy as my knees gave out and I sagged heavily against the wall.

"Oh, Christ, Bella, yes," I moaned, not even pretending to give a shit about my control anymore. "Suck it. Oh, fuck, yes."

Her hot mouth enveloped me as she pumped my finger in and out, sucking me harder with every pass. She scraped her teeth along me, and I couldn't hold back anymore.

My other hand shot out, grabbing the back of her neck and yanking her face up to mine. I groaned as my lips met hers, our tongues searching each other out, desperate to find one another. Her hands grasped the back of my head, gripping me tightly as she pulled me closer. My blood exploded through my veins, pulsing and sighing as she kissed me fiercely, my own mouth replying, meeting her passion, thrilling at her taste and smell. My arms wound around her waist and we both gasped as I pulled her hard against me.

"Oh, God, Bella," I groaned loudly.

"Edward?"

_Huh? Why does her voice sound so strange? _

_Ah, fuck it, who cares._

I wound my fingers in her hair, running my other hand down to cup her ass.

"Oh, fuck, Bella, your ass. God I've missed your perfect ass."

"Edward!"

_Jesus. Ok, this is strange. I swear to God she just sounded like Emmett._

He tongue thrust into my mouth again and I suddenly didn't care. Her hand came up and rested on my cheek before she slapped me gently.

"Edward!"

I looked at her in shock. It was Bella's face, but for some fucked-up reason, she was speaking with Emmett's voice.

"Edward! Wake-up for God's sake!" She slapped me again, hard.

"Bella!" I cried in confusion. "Stop fucking hitting me, woman!"

Bella frowned at me and shook her head. "Oh, for fuck's sake. This is ridiculous."

Suddenly, an ice-cold thunderbolt rocked through me.

I sat up and gasped, blinking furiously as I tried to ignore the aching throb in my groin. I looked up. Emmett was standing over me with an empty glass. Water was dripping down my face and I dimly registered several ice-cubes slipping down my shirt and onto the floor.

I stood up quickly, shaking the water out of my hair and re-adjusting my uncomfortable erection.

"What the FUCK, Emmett?" I roared as I looked up at him.

I froze.

I looked over his shoulder.

Alice and Bella were standing there, shocked expressions on their faces.

"Edward," Emmett said patiently. "Alice and Bella have arrived."

I swallowed heavily, my mouth suddenly lacking any fucking saliva at all.

"Hey," I said lamely, feeling like a kid whose parents have just walked in on him watching porn and whacking off into a sock.

I looked at Bella. Her face was completely unreadable. She was blushing and her eyes were intense, but I had no clue as to what was going through her mind. Christ, I wished sometimes that I could just read minds. Life would be so much damn easier.

"Hey," she said quietly.

Jesus, should I go and hug her? Should I shake her hand? How the fuck was I supposed to greet the woman I loved but heartlessly dumped? Why was there not a fucking 'how-to' book on this kind of stuff, or a 'how-not-to' book even. "How Not To Be An Emotionally Retarded Fuckwit". Christ, that thing would be a best-seller. I'd buy fucking shares in the publishing house.

I should have gone over to hug her, but in true asstard form, I waved limply as water dripped off my nose.

Christ, what a loser.

Alice walked over to me and took my hands.

"Hey, big brother," she said warmly, "how are you doing?"

My eyes flicked to Bella again. I couldn't seem to drag them away. "Um...I'm...wet," I mumbled, completely mesmerized by the smirk that was playing on the corners of Bella's mouth.

"That's...nice," Alice said lightly. Suddenly my hands felt like they were being crushed in a vice. I looked quickly at Alice who was glaring at me intensely, causing my face to grimace and burn.

"Jesus, Alice!" I pulled my hands away, but the glare remained.

"Edward," she said in a voice that would scare small animals, "would you care to explain to me how a copy of your brand-new, not-yet-released album, has been leaked onto the internet?"

She cocked her head at me and I suddenly felt like she already knew the answer, which made her one step ahead of me 'cause I still had no fucking clue what the hell she was talking about.

"What?" I asked dumbly.

"Your new album," she enunciated like I was a fucking two-year-old, "is all over the fucking internet! Now, would you like to tell me exactly how it got there?"

I shook my head and huffed in frustration, clenching my aching fingers and glaring back at her. "Look, Alice, I have no idea what you're talking about, and you're obviously dying to tell me so why don't you just get on with it?"

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Edward, you had the only advance copy of the album. The pre-mix CD. Remember?"

I thought back. "Yes, I had a copy. What about it?"

"Where is it now?"

I frowned. "Fuck, I don't know. Back in L.A. probably." I thought back to when I last had it. I had it in my room, and then Bella asked to hear it so I decided to buy her an iPod. I took it with me so I could upload it right away.

_Oh. Crap._

"Edward?" Alice pressed.

I scrubbed my face with my hands. "I gave it to an assistant at the Apple store. He loaded on Bella's iPod for me and...shit...I forgot to get it back."

"Yeah, you did," Alice spat. "And now, that little fucker has plastered it all over Youtube!"

"Christ, Alice, I'm sorry."

I looked at Bella. She gave me a tiny sympathetic smile. It made me feel even worse.

Could I do anything right? Alice was spot-on – my fuck-up-factor was ridiculously high.

I sat down heavily on the couch and ran my fingers through my hair. Why was it that everything I touched turned to shit? I had been blessed with so much during my life – a wonderful family, a decent amount of talent, an incredible woman in Bella – and yet, I consistently managed to screw everything in the ass, ruining it, fucking it up beyond all recognition.

I was like King Midas in reverse.

"Hey, Alice," I heard Emmett say, "Can't you get an injunction for that kind of thing?"

Alice sighed. "Yeah, our team is on it. It should all be pulled off the net shortly, but still..."

I looked up to see Alice staring at me with concern. She came over and ran her fingers through my damp hair. I hugged her to me, needing to feel affection and acceptance, even if I didn't fucking deserve it. She hugged me back, smoothing my hair away from my face gently.

"Honey, I'm sorry," she said softly. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

I laughed sarcastically. "Sis, feel free to kick my ass even more. I fucked up. Again. As usual."

She let me go and sat down beside me, rubbing her hand on my back. "Don't worry about it. I'll fix it, just like I always do, okay?"

I nodded silently. As usual, Alice was going to clean up my mess. I was such a fucking child. When was I going to man up and start taking responsibility for the crap that happened in my life? For that matter, when was I going to stop allowing crap to happen in my life? Did I really think that all this shit happened for no reason? Was I happy just being a fucking spectator rather than a participant?

Jesus. Hanging out with Emmett was really starting to fuck with my mind.

_It's called self-evaluation, moron._ The Madman's voice broke through my thoughts.

_Holy shit. It lives. Finally decided to talk to me, huh?_

_Well, it seems like you're getting ready to evict me, so I thought I'd better put in an appearance._

Before I had time to register what the hell was going on in my head, Alice stood up.

"Well, I'd better go grab Bree and have a debriefing about the crap she's been pulling behind my back."

I stood up and hugged her. "Go easy on her, okay? She hasn't been that bad."

_Wait, did I really just say that? What the...?_

Alice cocked an eyebrow at me, before looking at Emmett. "Have you put him on mood enhancers, Emmett? 'Cause I _see_ my brother, but I'm _hearing_ someone who sounds remarkably evolved."

I flicked her earlobe. She yelped.

"Fuck off, bitch," I laughed.

She smiled and punched me in the arm.

_Ow! Jesus, that's gonna leave a bruise..._

"Ah, there's the idiot I know and love," Alice said lovingly.

She grabbed Emmett's hand and pulled him toward the door. "So, can you teach me how to do that thing where you put him to sleep, 'cause that would be fucking awesome when he's annoying me."

"Sure," Emmett laughed, "I actually got him to bark like a dog the other day, but he doesn't remember it. Remind me to show you later."

Alice laughed and looked back at Bella. "Bells, I'm going to have a chat with Bree and Emmett for about half an hour. Could you come down after that and we'll have a strategy meeting about the rest of the tour?"

Bella nodded and flicked her gaze to me, "Of course."

Alice looked at me and smiled. "Great."

Why did I suddenly get the feeling that I was a rat in a giant experiment? I looked at Bella as we heard the sound of the door closing behind them.

"Well..." I said, suddenly transported back to my incredibly realistic dream. I looked into Bella's eyes, searching them for signs of impending doom, or at the very least, mild violence.

They seemed calm.

"Um...so...do you happen to have an overwhelming need to pummel me with your fists?" I asked nervously.

She pressed her lips together and stared at me. I squirmed under her scrutiny, shivering a little, partly from the fact I was still drenched in ice water, and partly because having her eyes on me made my pulse pound and my hair stand on end, not to mention what it did to my man-parts.

"Bella?" I asked gently when she still hadn't said anything.

"I'm thinking," she said calmly. Finally she shook her head. "Nope. No desperate need to pound you...at the moment. But give me time. I'm sure I'll get there."

I tried to stop the giant smile that burst onto my face, but it was useless. She was here. With me. Not pummelling me into a bruised heap. I was happy.

"Soooo..." she said casually. "You've missed my perfect ass, huh?"

All the blood drained out of my face. "Um...what?"

"When we walked in before, you were mumbling in you sleep."

_Oh, Jesus, no. Please, please, please NO!_

"What did I say?" I rasped, not really wanting to hear it.

She took a few steps toward me and if felt like the air between us compressed into my chest, jump-starting my thudding heart.

"Well, there was the thing about my ass, which was quite flattering if not more than a little embarrassing...and you also said something that sounded remarkably like, "Oh, Christ, Bella, yes! Suck it. Oh, fuck, yes.""

She cocked an eyebrow at me and I wondered how successful I would be if I tried to burrow into the hard-wood floor to hide my shame.

"What exactly was I sucking, Cullen?" she asked feigning ignorance.

"Well, it wasn't my cock, if that's what you're thinking!" I blurted like a complete fucking maniac.

_Oh, for the love of all that's Holy – kill me now. Please._

She pursed her lips together and tried not to laugh. "I see," she said in a tremulous voice. "Good to know."

I rubbed my eyes and sighed. "Just when I think this day can't get any worse," I murmured to myself, "I find a way to add a new and improved layer of crap to it." Bella giggled and I looked at her. "Well, at least there's one thing about today that doesn't suck," I said, smiling.

"If you're referring to me, Cullen," she said, "haven't we just established that I most definitely do suck, just not your cock?"

I laughed, and throwing caution to the wind, walked over to her and pulled her into my arms.

"God, I've missed you, Piss-Girl," I breathed, wrapping my arms around her and squeezing her tight.

She tensed slightly before her arms went around my waist and she squeezed me back. "I've missed you too, Asstard," she said so softly I barely heard her.

I sighed into her hair. Why the hell did I ever think I could let her go? What the fuck was I thinking? This is where she belonged – in my arms – always.

I could feel the heat where our bodies met, but I ignored it. If we were going to make this work, I needed to be her friend, first and foremost. Anything on top of that would just be a bonus.

She pulled back and looked up at me. "You've made me wet," she said self-consciously.

My head almost exploded. "I'm sorry, what?"

She pointed to her blouse. A large wet stain was spreading on the dark fabric. "I'm wet."

"Oh! Right." _Jesus, Cullen, get your fucking mind out of the gutter. I mean, you're good, but you're not that fucking good_. "Um...sorry. I suppose we should get out of these wet clothes."

She smirked at me. "Cullen, you said you'd behave yourself if I came out here and you're already trying to get my top off? You are shameless."

I waggled my eyebrows at her. "You fucking love it, Swan."

We were both surprised when a loud knocking came from the door.

"Expecting someone?" Bella asked.

"Not at all," I answered, slightly perplexed, walking over to the door.

Bree, Alice and Emmett were downstairs, Bella was here...who else could it be?

_Oh crap. Please don't let it be a rogue screamer who has figured out that the fake name I always check in with is Thrusty McSmirkerson__. That would just suck, big time._

The knocking continued insistently.

I looked through the peep-hole.

_Oh, for fuck's sake. Seriously?_

I pulled the door open and gaped at the person who was standing there.

"Hello, Edward."

I tried to keep the anger out of my voice.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

***

**Author Notes**

**Holy shit! Who could it be?**

**No really...please tell me. I have no fucking clue. **

**Throw your theories my way and if you're right, I'll...um...say 'well done'...in a really silly voice. **

_***face palm***_

**Fuck I'm lame.**

**Hit the button, peeps. Lurkers? You've popped your cherry now, time to start enjoying yourself!**


	24. StandOff

**Chapter Notes**

**Holy mother of all things highly unlikely but amazingly fucking cool – The Screamers placed THIRD in the Twilight All Human Fanfiction Awards in the category of Most Original Plot! There were thirteen nominations in the category, some by some of my fave fanfic heroes, so to say I'm gobsmacked is a complete bloody understatement. I'm absolutely speechless and am currently sitting in my adult diapers because I've been peeing my panties ever since I found out.**

**I cannot thank all those who voted enough. I have the best readers in the world. Ass-grabs for all!**

**There are still two comps The Screamers is up for that are still voting. Deets on my profile.**

**There were some REALLY interesting theories about who was at the door, but I have to say, most of you guessed correctly. Clever bitches.**

**To Catty-Wan, my Goddess-Beta – Thank you for be my human valium when this chappie and PMS were kicking my ass. Your ideas are my anchor in the storm. Love you.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own these character, SM does. I own a large collection of very pretty shoes that are too damn uncomfortable to wear.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 24 – Stand-off**

**EPOV**

I yanked the door open.

"Hello, Edward."

"What the hell are you doing here?" I said, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice.

_Seriously, was God upstairs pointing and laughing at me or did my life really just suck this hard?_

"Well, that's a nice fucking greeting, isn't it?" said Rob sarcastically as he pushed past me and walked into the apartment. "No 'Hi, Rob, how are you?' No 'I've missed you, baby, let's pop into the back alley and get reacquainted?'. I'm hurt, Cullen, really. Consider our fake gay relationship officially over." He stopped in front of Bella who was gaping at him.

"Hey, Swan."

Bella's face crumpled in confusion.

"Rob, what the fuck?" she said incredulously.

He looked at her innocently. "What?"

Her eyes narrowed and I secretly wished for her to smack the hell out of him before I did.

She held her hands out and shook her head in bewilderment. "Why are you here?"

Rob frowned. "Well, one day, Mum and Dad Pattinson decided to get randy with each other and nine months later I popped out."

"Don't be an ass, Rob, you know what I mean," she said, obviously trying to resist the urge to hurt him.

_Hurt him, baby, please hurt him. If you start it then I can join in without looking like a psycho._

Rob crossed his arms over his chest and looked at me quickly. "You KNOW why I'm here, Swan...and...ah...wait...hang on a minute..." He frowned as he glanced back at Bella. "Are you...wet?"

Bella looked down and blushed. "Um...yeah...a bit."

"A bit?"

Bella glared at him.

"Why the hell are you wet, Swan?" he demanded.

My blood started to boil. _Who the hell was he to demand anything of my woman?_

The Madman smirked. _But she's not your woman, is she, Cullen? Not anymore._

_Oh, fuck me. You don't say anything for weeks, and when you finally open your mouth it's to drive me insane with your brutal, self-aware bullshit? SHUT THE FUCK UP! _

I grimaced involuntarily.

Bella looked at me nervously.

_Okay Cullen, here's a fucking challenge for you – try not to look like a crazy man._

I tried to compose my face. She looked back at Rob who was flicking his gaze between us and frowning.

"Well, you see, Rob," she said tentatively, "When I came in earlier, Edward was talking about me sucking on him..."

Rob sputtered violently and his eyebrows disappeared into his hair-line. "WHAT?"

Bella scrambled to explain. "Wait, let me finish."

"Finish sucking him or finish the damn story?" he flustered, seething and twitching like an idiot.

_Whoa, look at that, Cullen. That boy is jealous as all hell. _

_Yeah, well that boy is going to be as unconscious as all hell if he keeps that shit up._

_Maybe he has reason to be jealous, hmmmm? She has been spending an awful lot of time with him recently. Maybe they've become closer than you think._

_Bella told me she wasn't fucking him._

_And you believed her? How very trusting of you._

I tried to remember what Emmett had taught me and steadied my breathing, tamping down the anger that was steadily rising. It wasn't fucking easy, especially considering I was looking at Bella and Rob standing in front of me, glaring at each other with obvious fucking chemistry.

Christ, I've been such an idiot. Did I really think Bella would wait for me? Why should she? Everything I said to her, everything I did, pushed her away. I pretty much told her to find someone else, and despite the fact that I wanted to rip his fucking head off at the moment, Rob was a great guy - caring, funny, intelligent, and according to Emmett, whose sexuality was seriously debatable in my mind, fucking sexy as hell. Why wouldn't Bella be attracted to him?

I watched as Bella took a small step towards him. I resisted pissing on her leg to let Pattinson know that she belonged to me. I figured Bella would pretty much rip my dick off if I did that, and I happen to really like my dick.

Bella tried to keep her voice calm. "Rob, when Alice and I arrived today, Edward was asleep, and mumbling about...um...stuff..."

"By 'stuff' you mean the highly inappropriate sucking?" Rob said glaring at me, his voice rising in volume and pitch.

Bella blushed. "And there might have been a comment about him missing my perfect ass."

A strangled whimper came out of Rob's throat. "This just gets better and better doesn't it?"

Bella continued. "And so Emmett had to throw some water on him..."

"To cool him down?"

"To wake him up."

Rob looked at me. I scowled. He took in my damp shirt and hair and turned quickly back to Bella. "Swan, that explains how Edward got wet. How the fuck did YOU get wet?"

_Alright, this fucking stops now. Who the hell did the Brit think he was coming in here and interrogating us like he was fucking Miss Marple__. _

"Why do you care, Rob?" I demanded. "What happens between Bella and me is OUR business, not yours."

"Wrong, Edward," he said, facing me, "It was your business until you decided to snap her in two, mentally and physically, . Now, it's my business."

Without thinking I clenched my fists and moved forward.

The Madman's voice made me stop in my tracks. _Don't fucking do it, Cullen. This is exactly the sort of shit that got your sorry ass into trouble in the first place, dumb-ass. _

_What? YOU'RE telling ME to settle down? _

_What can I say? I guess Emmett's bullshit is affecting both of us..._

I vaguely registered that Rob's fists were balled at his sides too.

_Christ, he's actually willing to take me on to protect Bella? Does he have a fucking death-wish?_

A sudden and unexpected wave of respect for Rob washed over me. It didn't make me want to pound his pretty-face any less, but it did help me control the impulse more.

Rob and I glared at each other, toe to toe and eye to eye. Neither of us moved until Bella stepped between us and pushed us apart. I huffed and ran my hand through my hair, laughing bitterly as I saw Rob do exactly the same thing.

"Stop it you two," Bella said angrily, her head whipping to each of us. "You're both standing there talking about me like I'm not in the room and it stops now! I am not a fucking puppy that you can squabble and bicker over. Now unless both of you want to drop your pants so I can settle this by figuring out who has the biggest dick, I suggest you knock it the fuck off!!"

Part of me desperately wanted to whip out Godzy right then and there. I was pretty fucking sure he would demolish whatever Rob was packing in his pants, no matter how fucking long his thumbs were.

Bella huffed at me and then turned to glare at Rob. "Pattinson, nothing happened, okay? Edward gave me a hug. That's all."

Rob laughed sarcastically. "Swan, you're fucking delusional if you thing that's all that's going on here."

"You're being ridiculous!"

"Am I? Judging by the look on my ex-fake-gay-lover's face whenever he looks at you, I arrived just in fucking time."

_Do not hit him....do not hit him._

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I demanded, forcing myself not to smack him in the mouth.

"What it means, Cullen," he said, facing me, "is that every time you look at Bella it's like you want to throw her down and fuck her senseless, and as much as I'd like to think you had enough self-control to stop yourself from doing something really fucking stupid, your track record in that area leaves a lot to be desired."

I stepped away from him, desperately trying to keep myself in check. I was angry as all hell, and not just because he was annoying the fuck out of me, but because I knew he was right. Just being in the same room as she was made my entire body hum with energy. Every time I looked at her, images of her lying beneath me as we made love flooded my mind and smothered my good intentions of remaining 'just friends', at least until I sorted my shit out. I desperately wanted to kiss the hell out of her and rip off her clothes and claim her as mine so she'd never look twice at another man again, especially the allegedly-hot-Brit, and he could see that. Smug fucker.

"You've just been waiting for me to fuck up haven't you, Rob? Ever since New York you've had a thing for Bella, right?"

"What if I have? As it turns out I'd be a hell of a lot better for her than you!"

"Well isn't it a fucking pity that she's mine and not yours?!"

"She's not fucking yours, idiot! You left her!"

_Alright, NOW can I hit him?_

"Edward, calm down," Bella's voice pleaded. Could she tell by the look on my face how close I was to pummelling him?

_Listen to her, dumb-fuck. How much chance do you think you'll have with her if you resort back to your old ways - MY old ways. Show her you've changed._

_Oh, for the love of God, Madman. Would you STOP being so damn calm and reasonable? You're fucking freaking me out. When did I suddenly get transported into Bizzarro World where you're suddenly right all the time? _I took a deep breath and glared at Rob. _Can I at least still rip him a new one verbally?_

_Absolutely. Go for it._

"Jesus, Pattinson," I spat, shoving my hands in my pockets to give them something to do other than slapping him around, "You can have any woman you want. ANY WOMAN! And yet you have to crush on MY girlfriend."

"She's NOT your girlfriend, Cullen!"

I gritted my teeth and fumed. "Actually, jerk-wad," I seethed, "She's a girl and she's my friend, so YEAH, she's my fucking girlfriend!"

"Well by that definition she MY fucking girlfriend too, asshole! Plus I'M the one who's actually been there for her since you WALKED OUT so by all rights she's more my girlfriend than YOURS!"

"Would you two PLEASE fucking STOP!" Bella's voice became hard with anger. Rob looked at her and the flash of lust in his eyes made my hair stand on end. I could feel my face growing darker by the second.

"Fuck, Pattinson. You carry on about ME looking like I want to fuck her senseless? What a fucking hypocrite!"

Rob laughed bitterly. "Believe me Cullen," he spat, "anything that happens between Bella and me will NOT be JUST fucking. You can take that to the bank."

My breath caught in my lungs. "What the fuck does that mean?" I rasped, my mind racing with possibilities.

Oh, Christ. Bella's words came back to me. _"Not that it's any of your business, but no, I'm not fucking him." What were they doing instead of fucking? Are we dealing in semantics here?_

I looked at Bella who was now glaring at Rob.

I shook my head to try and clear the jealousy that was clouding it. "Bella," I said, breathing heavily, "Please tell me you haven't done anything with this clown."

Bella turned to me, her face clouding over. "Edward, don't you fucking go there, okay?" she warned. "I've already told you..."

"No you haven't!" I countered. "You told me you weren't FUCKING him. That doesn't mean nothing else has happened."

Bella's eyes flared and I knew I had about three seconds before she exploded and started punching the crap out of me.

_You are one seriously dumb prick, aren't you, Cullen? You slice up Bella's arms, then you dump her, then you beg her to come back, and then, when she generously agrees to basically give you a second chance that you soooo don't fucking deserve, you practically accuse her of making out with another man? Way to go, ass-munch._

Rob took in Bella's impending eruption and pulled his hands out of his pockets, huffing in frustration.

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Cullen – settle down and get a fucking grip. I was just teasing you."

I watched in disbelief as a small triangle of fabric fell out of his pocket and floated to the floor.

_What...that's not...oh, God, no it couldn't be...._

Rob and Bella's eyes widened as I quickly bent over to pick it up.

Suddenly my blood exploded in my veins.

"Rob," I said, feeling uncontrollable rage flooding through me but desperately trying to appear calm. My voice trembled with the effort. "What the fuck is this?"

Rob looked in horror at what I was holding up. He looked at Bella. Bella looked at my hand and then looked at me. I looked at Bella and then back to Rob. Bella looked at Rob and glared.

Fuck me, it was like we were all in an episode of The Bold and the Beautiful.

I clenched my jaw as I held up the delicate fabric. It was white with red lace and had the words "Shut Up and Kiss Me" printed across it. It was one of Bella's G-strings. I swallowed hard and forced myself not to erupt. It was my FAVORITE fucking G-string. Why the HELL did Pattinson have it?

I felt my blood turn to ice in my veins and even the Madman made himself scarce. I started walking towards Rob, who quickly started backing up.

"Look, Edward," he said nervously, "Um...I can explain that."

_Doubtful. It's fucking hard to talk with my fist in your mouth._

"You can explain it?" I said dangerously. "You can EXPLAIN why you have a pair of my woman's...I mean...of...Bella's...panties in your fucking pocket?"

"Ah, yes, actually, I can..." he said, carefully keeping the couch between us as we circled.

"Edward!" Bella said sharply. "Stop it."

I ignored her and kept my gaze on the wary-Brit as I said in a voice that even scared me, "Well, by all means, Robert, please enlighten me."

I knew I was walking a dangerous line. I was on the knife's edge between controlled and crazy, and whatever came out of Rob's mouth next could tip me in either direction. I grasped at my control like it was a fucking life-preserver. I couldn't bear to disappoint Bella again. I wanted to show her that I could change...that I could be the man she deserved. But for some reason, I kept moving forward, stalking the man who may or may not have finger-fucked the woman I loved.

_Alright, Pattinson, spill it, and you'd better make it fucking good or we're both going to regret it._

"Um...I have Bella's knickers," he began tentatively, "because I was trying to make your reunion with her less fraught with...um...tension."

I stopped in my tracks and looked at Bella. She returned my gaze warily.

I frowned as my brain tried to comprehend the bizarre fucking meaning behind his words. "You have Bella's panties because...you were trying to help me?" I asked incredulously.

"Well...yes...in a manner of speaking," Rob hedged. "I was trying to make sure she wouldn't inadvertently tempt you by wearing those cock-twitchingly sexy underpants, thereby causing you to lose all semblance of sanity and fuck her silly. So I confiscated them."

I frowned at him. "You CONFISCATED them?" He nodded mutely. "Rob, what's the fucking point of that? She has more than one pair of sexy panties for God's sake!"

His smirked at me. "I know that, Cullen," he said sarcastically, "I'm not a fucking imbecile. I got them all! Look!" He shoved his hands in his pockets and proudly pulled out dozens of pieces of tiny fabric. They dangled off his fingers like tiny, sexy banners.

My mind reeled. I turned to Bella. Her head had dropped into her hands and she was groaning slightly.

"Bella?" I said, trying like fuck to ignore the fact that Rob was now subtly rubbing her panties between his fingers, "Is this true?"

She nodded her head numbly and looked up at me. "Unfortunately, yes."

"You didn't GIVE him your panties?"

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Cullen, I'm trying REALLY fucking hard to overlook the accusations you're throwing at me, but if you keep it up, I'm going to kick you in the nads until your balls burst, do you hear me?"

I immediately got hard.

Feisty, snarky Bella fucking owned me. She always had – from the very first time we met.

I shifted my weight, trying to ease my erection as my brain struggled to continue rational thought.

"So, if Rob has all your panties," I said thickly, "what the hell are you wearing now?"

A fierce blush rushed up her neck and I knew the answer before she even said anything.

_Oh. My. Fuck._

I swallowed heavily as my fevered brain did backflips and struggled to comprehend the erotic heaven hiding stealthily underneath Bella's skirt.

My voice cracked like a horny fourteen-year-old when I said, "You're not...wearing...panties?"

Rob's head snapped around and I heard him whisper, "Bloody hell."

A look of supreme embarrassment settled on her face as she blurted, "Well, when Pattinson stole them all, I completely forgot about it until this morning because I was nervous about seeing you again and didn't know what I would say to you or how I would act, and then I was running late for the plane and I had packed all my jeans and Alice was hassling me to hurry up and it was a hot day anyway so I thought why the hell not, it feels fucking nice for a change to have the breeze tingle my girl-parts and it's not like I had a hell of a lot of choice in the matter, right? I was panty-less! Completely fucking devoid of panties! What the fuck was I supposed to do?"

_Fuck. Can't breathe. Can...not...breathe._

"You could have borrowed some from Alice," I wheezed, trying desperately not to stare in the vicinity of her breezy girl-parts.

"Oh, right," she said simply, dropping her eyes to the floor. "Yes, well, that probably would have been sensible."

I swallowed hard, trying to steady my body's reaction to the knowledge that with just a few short strides I could have my fingers inside that beautiful, magnificent woman, stroking her and bringing her the ecstasy only _I_ could provide her. I could slide my aching cock inside her and watch in wonder as she came apart around me, groaning and panting as I thrust harder and harder.

_Ungh, Cullen, stop. I'm as hard as a fucking diamond here, and although I'm desperately trying to keep you thinking with you brain and not your dick, you're making it pretty goddamn difficult at the moment!_

Bella raised her eyes to mine and gasped a little as she registered the lust on my face. I walked towards her slowly, gripping my control like an iron bar, stopping in front of her and looking down into her flushed face.

Every cell in my body screamed at me to grab her and make love to her. Desire roared through me like a fucking forest fire as my hands itched and clenched, desperate to be skimming across her smooth skin. My breathing became ragged as I swallowed the urge to run my tongue across her milky throat, tasting and suckling her desperately.

_Jesus. Hold it together, Cullen – seriously._

"Put these on," I ordered quietly, clenching my jaw and pressing the tiny panties into her hand.

Her eyes roamed over my face and I had to close my eyes to block out the longing in her eyes.

"Edward, I..."

"Now," I said firmly. "Please, Bella."

I opened my eyes and was transfixed by the way her chest was rising and falling more rapidly. Her breasts seemed to expand and contract under the tight fabric of her...

_CULLEN! QUIT IT! RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!_

"You can use my bedroom," I said quickly, my eyes finding hers again, drowning in their blazing darkness.

My erection throbbed at the very thought of Bella being in my bedroom. I shoved my hands in my pockets and subtly tried to adjust myself, easing the strain a little. Bella swallowed hard and turned away from me, breaking the thick cord of tension between us. I finally exhaled when she disappeared into my room and shut the door.

I turned around to see Pattinson with his hands in his pockets too, an obvious bulge straining against his jeans.

I shook my head in disbelief and anger. He was fucking sporting wood over my woman? Un-fucking-believable! And I don't care what the fuck anyone said, she WAS my woman - she always would be, regardless of whether she took me back or not. We were made for each other. We both knew it...and it made my fucking stomach turn to think that my behavior towards her may have opened the door for another man to have any goddamn part of her.

Rob's eyes flicked to me and darkened as he registered the anger on my face. I almost snarled at him.

_Bella's out of the room. Surely one tiny smack in the mouth wouldn't hurt._

"Pattinson," I seethed darkly, "I'm going to ask you this once and I want a straight fucking answer or I will be forced to cause you a staggering amount of pain that may involve removing your fingernails one at a time and shaving off all your pretty hair." I took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes. "Is there something going on between you and Bella?"

He laughed and looked down. "You're unbelievable, Cullen, you know that?"

"Just answer the damn question, Rob!" I said, much louder than I intended.

He glared at me. "Are you really so fucking insecure that you NEED to ask me this?"

I exhaled angrily and ran a hand roughly through my hair.

"Obviously I'm insecure, dumbass. I had the most amazing woman on the PLANET and I not only let her go, I fucking packed her bags and threw her out onto the street. I'm a fucking emotional retard who can't stand the thought of anyone else touching her or even fucking looking at her, and it makes me goddamn crazy to think that YOU'VE been there to help her pick up the pieces of her broken heart while I'VE been incapable of even having a civil conversation with members of my own family. So, hell yeah, I'm insecure. Now tell me before I fucking lose it – is there or is there not something going on between you two that I don't fucking know about?!"

Rob's face grew stormy as he advanced on me. "Christ you really are a monumental idiot, aren't you, Edward? I know you don't think much of me, but Jesus - don't you know Bella AT ALL?! I WISH there was something going on with us. I WISH she would have channelled all the frustration and anger and pain that you caused her into white-hot animal revenge-sex because I would do pretty much anything to have that incredible woman in my bed, but unfortunately for me she has more damn loyalty and integrity in her little finger than most people have in their whole damn bodies, and apart from my nipples getting fairly constant and excessive attention, the rest of my poor neglected bod has been sadly fucking lacking, because although you're incredibly fucking dense and misguided, beyond ALL reason that I can fathom, that girl STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR YOU, even though you don't fucking deserve her, you enormous PRAT!"

"What the hell are you two talking about?" I turned to see Bella frozen in the hallway, shock and disbelief written all over her face.

"Good fucking question," boomed a voice from behind us. I spun around to see Emmett standing there like a brick-shit-house on legs, glaring at Rob and me intensely. "Hello Robert," he said quietly. "I'm Emmett. I think the four of us need to have a little fucking chat, don't you?"

***

"Right," said Emmett as he paced in front of us. "You three have some major shit to sort out between you, so we're going to play a little game I like to call, "Be Fucking Honest With Each Other Or I'll Rip Your Arms Off." Are we all ready?"

After practically squeeing like a fucking fan-girl while he shook Rob's hand, Emmett called down to Alice and Bree and let them know the tour-strategy meeting would have to wait. Then he took to arranging all of us in the living room.

He put Bella and Rob on the couch together, pausing briefly to comment on what a lovely couple they made, before shoving me roughly into the armchair next to them. I shot him a dirty look to let him know I wasn't fucking impressed with him putting Pattsy the Panty-Pilferer next to my lady-love, but he had simply smacked me across the top of the head and told me to grow a pair.

Fuck, that man truly shitted me sometimes.

"Okay," he said enthusiastically, "Who would like to go first?"

I stole a look at Bella whose face had been painted with tension ever since she overheard Rob and me talking. She was looking down and frowning, absently picking at the hem of her skirt which, thank God and all the saints, now housed a completely panty-covered Giney.

_Yeah, cause the fact that she's now wearing the world's smallest G-string makes your cock all kinds of soft, doesn't it? _The Madman sneered sarcastically.

I squirmed in my seat, trying to dislodge the pressure of my painful erection, and sighed heavily. The know-it-all motherfucker in my head was really starting to piss me off, but I should be used to it by now.

"Rob?" Emmett said, the faintest hint of reverence in his voice. "Would you like to go first, handsome?"

Rob frowned. "Um...no...not really."

Emmett nodded in understanding. "Ok, good, you're not afraid to be honest. I like that. How about you, Edward? Is there anything you'd like to tell the rest of us?"

I imitated Rob's foppish frown and said petulantly, "Um...no...not really."

Emmett smacked my head again.

"Ow! What the fuck, Emmett?" I cried.

"Fucking man-up, Tinkerbell," he ordered. "It's your turn."

"Why is it my turn? You let Rob skip HIS fucking turn!"

"That's different."

"How?"

"Because it just is, alright? This is not a fucking democracy, Hilary. It's a fucking benevolent dictatorship and I'M the fuck-hot leader, so unless you want these two beautiful people to witness me making you my bitch, I would suggest you stop flapping your gums and start fucking talking!"

I looked over at the couch and saw Pattinson smirk. I sneered at him and scratched my head with my middle finger. He giggled and coughed, "Bite me!"

Damn, I REALLY wanted to hit him.

"I'll go first," Bella said suddenly.

Emmett turned to face her.

"Well, well, well," he said, obviously impressed. "It would seem the only person with balls in this room, apart from me, is the young lady." He gestured for her to continue. "By all means, Bella, what would you like to open with?"

She turned to Rob. "Pattinson, I overheard some of what you were saying earlier, and now I'm thoroughly fucking confused. Do you or do you not have feelings for me?"

_That's my girl! Straight in with a well place jab to the nut-sack. This will be good._

Rob went bright red and started stuttering violently. "What?! Do I have feelings? WHAT? NO! Jesus, Bella, I...fuck...NO! I just was...when I said those things I was trying to say...well, I mean...I felt that I should....oh, God...you're my FRIEND, and I was trying to..."

His shoulders sagged heavily and his head dropped. "Fuck me. Yes, Swan, I'm completely bloody in love with you, alright, and it makes me crazy to think that you'll probably choose Jackass-Edward over me even though I would NEVER fucking hurt you the way he has and would worship the ground you walk on til the day I die."

_He loves her? LOVES her? Oh, fuck me. _

Bella's mouth dropped open and she gasped slightly. "But what about the whole 'Oh, I can't possibly like you because you puked all over me' speech?"

_What? What the FUCK have these two been DOING together?_

"Well I had to say that, didn't I? I knew you didn't feel the same way about me, and I do have some pride, you know."

"Really?"

"No, not all. Please love me."

_I cannot fucking deal with this. BELLA! Laugh at him for Christ's sake. Tell him he's an idiot for thinking that he has a chance with you because you belong with me. Please Bella...tell him._

Bella sighed.

"Ooh, this is getting good," Emmett said excitedly. "Bella? How do you feel about the heart-throb? Do you have feelings for him too - I mean other than wanting to rip his clothes off and rub yourself all over him because I'm treating that as a given."

Bella stared at Emmett like he'd grown a second head. "Um...well..."

_Why are you even fucking thinking about this, Bella? The answer is 'NO'! Or 'FUCK NO'! Simple!_

She turned to Rob and took his hands in hers. My larynx immediately tripled in size, strangling me from the inside.

"Rob, you are an amazing, compassionate, hilarious, sexy man..."

_Sweet Jesus in Heaven, please let there be a 'but' in here somewhere or I'm going to crack in half and never fucking recover._

"And if things were different, maybe you and I would be more than just friends..."

_'Buuuuut'....come on baby, please...just say 'but'!_

"But..."

_Thank you, love of my life!_

"...things aren't different, and although I do love you...I love you as my sweet, pervy, adorable friend."

Rob shook his head. "Again with 'adorable', huh? Why the fuck do people insist on calling me 'adorable'?"

"Aw, chin up, hotness," Emmett said soothingly. "There are worse things people could be calling you – 'adorkable' for example."

"They call me that too."

"Oh. Bummer."

Rob sighed heavily. "Why the fuck do I always choose the girls I can't have," he lamented tiredly.

"Baby boy," Emmett said gently, sitting on the arm of the couch beside Rob and rubbing soothing circles on his back. "You can have any woman you want..."

_And obviously a few previously-heterosexual Serenity Counselors too_, the Madman sneered sarcastically.

"...how the hell can a piece of awesome man-meat like yourself possibly have girl-problems?"

"Because," Rob said, running his hand through his hair in frustration, "I somehow ALWAYS manage to choose women who are either unavailable, or insane - OR when I'm being really fucking masochistic, unavailable AND insane."

Bella bristled. "Are you including ME in that second group by any chance, Pattinson?"

Rob looked at her warily. "If I say yes are you likely to assault my man-nipples?"

"Probably."

"Then, no."

Bella laughed and punched him lightly in the arm, "Asshole."

He smiled at her and shook his head. "Jesus, Swan, why is finding a girl I like, who likes me back, so damn complicated?"

"Well, what about girls we KNOW like you - like Megan Fox – she's cute, right?"

Rob screwed up his face. "Swan...please....the woman has toe-thumbs, okay? Have you ever seen them? Fucking freaks me out."

"Kirsten Dunst?"

"Nope. Can't even look at her without thinking of her in that creepy vampire movie. Besides, as if I'M going to settle for Tobey McGuire's sloppy seconds. I don't fucking think so."

"Ouch. Um...Jennifer Love Hewitt?"

Rob tapped his finger on his chin. "Hmmm...she does intrigue me. Mainly because she's older than I am and older women fucking turn me on. Those girls know what the hell they want in the bedroom and aren't afraid to ask for it. I like that. But, no. I hear she falls into the "insane" category and possibly the "unavailable" one too. She's in an out of engagements so much, I can't keep track.

Emmett sighed. "You have REALLY big feet, don't you? What are you – size eleven? Twelve?"

Rob looked up at him, perplexed. "Um...are you the King of non-sequiturs or is this relevant to our current therapy session?"

Emmett looked at him intensely. "Do you want it to be relevant?" he breathed like a fucking porn star.

_Christ in a Cracker-Jack box - what the fuck is wrong with him?_

Rob stood up quickly. "Okeee. So, I think I'd better be going."

Emmett stood up too. "What? Why? We're just getting started."

"Yeah, well, I'd better get back to L.A." Rob said nervously. "I think I left a Hotpocket in the microwave."

He turned to face Bella. She stood up and gave him a fierce hug. He squeezed her tightly and I felt a pang of regret for wanting to slap the crap out of him earlier. He really was a good guy and I should be grateful that he was so passionate about protecting Bella. I would have probably done exactly the same thing if our roles were reversed. At least, I'd like to think I would have.

"Thank you," Bella said quietly against his chest.

"For what?" he said, surreptitiously sniffing her hair. Sneaky bastard.

She sighed. "For everything."

He pulled back and smiled down at her.

"Well, they say that everything is the best gift for the girl who has nothing." He looked down at his shoes self-consciously. "And, you're more than welcome, Swan."

He kissed her quickly on the top of the head and stepped out of her embrace. "Now stop throwing yourself at me you shameless hussy. I've told you before, you're not my type, Puke-girl, okay?"

Bella giggled and pushed him in the chest.

He turned to me as I stood up and I held out my hand to him.

"Bye, Rob," I said quietly. "Um...listen...I'm sorry...about me being such a fucking asshole and all. No hard feelings?" I said sincerely.

He grinned and gripped my hand firmly. "Ah, you know I can't stay angry at you, love-muffin," he laughed. "You'll always be my favorite back-alley ass-bandit."

I laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. "Oh, stop it, you tease. You're fucking turning me on."

Emmett looked between us frantically. "What the fuck are you two talking about," he asked desperately.

Rob and I looked at each other wickedly before answering in unison, "Nothing, Emmett."

We both laughed as Rob held his hand out to the now-sulking man-mountain.

"Au revoir, Emmett. It's been really...um...interesting meeting you."

Emmett swatted Rob's hand away and pulled him into a giant bear-hug. Rob's head plunged into Emmett's chest and his arms flailed slightly.

"Fuck me, I'm going to miss your pretty face, Robbie-boy," Emmett wheezed.

_Aw, give me a break! He is NOT fucking crying!_

Emmett pulled back and desperately fished a business card out of his wallet, thrusting it quickly at Rob as he wiped his face on his sleeve. "You call me, day or night, if you need ANYTHING. Do you understand?"

Rob took the card gingerly, backing away from Emmett carefully, a placating smile on his face.

"Um...sure Emmett. Whatever you say. You're really fucking big so I'm not going to tell you how completely fucking strange you are, okay?"

Emmett drew in a hitching breath. "You had me at 'really fucking big'..."

Rob rolled his eyes and gave us one last wave before heading towards the door.

"See ya, guys," he called over his shoulder. "Maybe we can catch up when you get back from the tour. Say bye to Alice for me, alright?" He stopped suddenly and faced us, his face paling considerably. "Um, on second thought, Alice doesn't know that I came here against her wishes, does she? I'd really fucking like to keep it that way otherwise I might be in dire need of a cock-transplant after she rips mine off," he said shakily.

He waved again and disappeared through the door. "Byeeee!"

Emmett sniffled quietly.

"I can't believe he's gone," he whispered.

Bella and I looked at each other and smirked.

"Jesus, Em," I laughed. "Pine for your man-crush much?"

He spun around to glare at me.

"I do NOT have a fucking man-crush, asshole," he spat acidly. "I just happen to think Robert is a very nice man with strangely compelling eyes, and a jaw I'd like to eat dinner off of, okay?"

Bella giggle-snorted. Emmett included her in his glare-fest.

"I don't know what the hell you're laughing at, missy," he sneered. "You just turned down the sexiest man on the planet in order to try and work things out with this damaged piece of merchandise here," he said, gesturing to me. "I seriously fucking hope you don't regret that decision."

"Jesus, Emmett," I complained, "Aren't you supposed to be on MY side."

He stalked towards the door and mumbled, "I'm too damn traumatized to be on anyone's fucking side at the moment. I'm going to get trashed."

Another giggle bubbled out of me and I heard him growl as he opened the door.

"Find your serenity, Emmett!" I called, faux-helpfully. "Find your serenity!"

"Fuck off!" he yelled as the door closed behind him.

I guffawed loudly.

"He has it baaad," Bella laughed.

"Well, you know what they say," I said walking over to her, "the bigger they are, the harder they fall."

I stopped in front of her and smiled down into the face that filled me with so many emotions - so many possibilities. She smiled back at me as an easy silence settled between us, each of us just content to be in the other's presence, breathing the same air.

My smile faded as I continued to look at her, my eyes finally able to drink their fill of her soothing beauty. I swallowed as I saw doubt and uncertainty flicker behind her eyes. She tried to drop her head - to break our connection - but I gently placed a finger beneath her chin and brought it back up, willing her to look at me.

"Bella," I said, struggling to sift through the thousands of apologies and excuses I had rehearsed in my mind over the past week. Her eyes came back to mine, hesitant and fragile, bravely confronting the fear I knew she must be feeling after all I had put her through.

"_Never again_," I promised myself as her magnificent courage reached out and bandaged my broken heart. _Never again will I allow myself to sabotage the blessing of having this woman in my life. Never again will I allow my pathetic insecurities to keep us apart. _

"I'm sorry," I said simply, pouring every ounce of sincerity and apology into those two, powerful words.

"I know," she replied, her eyes glistening with uncertainty and what I desperately believed to be hope. "But you know that's not enough, Edward, don't you?"

Her eyes searched mine and I knew what she was looking for. She was looking for the man she believed I could be. The man I longed to be for her.

I nodded and dropped my eyes.

"I know, but I'm trying, Bella. For the first time in my life I'm trying to believe that I deserve more. That I can be more."

"I can't make you believe it," she said softly, "even if I do."

"I know."

"And until you do, we can't be together."

"I know that too."

She mimicked my earlier movement and placed her finger under my chin, coaxing my eyes from the floor and back to her.

"Even though you acted like a complete fucking cavemen today with Rob, I was proud of the fact that you resisted the urge to pound on him."

A huge exhalation of relief gushed out of my body.

"Oh, God, Bella, I sooo wanted to hit him."

"Yeah, I could tell."

She took my hand and pulled me over to the couch. We both flopped down as we continued to talk.

"I mean it was bad enough when he was eye-fucking you shamelessly in front of me, but then he whips out your panties?"

"Uh huh."

"Fucking hell, I thought my brain was going to explode!"

She laughed and I've never heard a more beautiful sound.

"You should have seen your face when you realized I wasn't wearing panties," she giggled. "I thought Godzy was going to rip your jeans apart at the seams to get to Giney."

I laughed with her. "Don't think for one fucking second that's not what he wanted to do. I had to dig deeper than I ever had before to stop myself from throwing you down and fucking you thoroughly and repeatedly in front of the pretty-Brit."

Our laughter stopped abruptly as we both registered what I had just said.

_It's official, Cullen. You're the world's biggest tool._

I looked at her nervously. "Too much information?"

She nodded vigorously. "Yeah. A little."

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "Well, thank God you went and put those panties on. The thought of what was under your skirt was driving me insane."

She giggled nervously and crossed her legs. "Um...yeah, funny story - when I went into your bedroom to pop on my panties, they...um...well, they kind of....broke."

I stopped breathing.

"They...broke?"

"Um, yeah. I tried to tie them back together but I just ended up making it worse."

I swallowed the excess drool that had decided to spontaneously pool in my mouth.

"So...um...that would mean that..."

"I'm still not wearing panties," she finished. "Yep."

"I see."

I rubbed my eyes furiously and tried to stop the stampeding hormones racing through my body. Godzy roared like a rabid animal as my blood pounded into my insanely aroused cock.

"You really shouldn't have said that," I groaned. "Knowing that Giney is right there...and fucking NAKED...and RIGHT THERE...oh...FUCK!"

I stood up quickly and grabbed Bella's hand, yanking her off the couch and dragging her towards the door.

"You have to go," I said urgently. "Right the fuck now."

"Edward..."

"Bella, trust me when I say this: if you want to take whatever is left between us slowly, then you need to get your naked vagina out of my presence NOW, because I can feel it calling to me like a fucking Siren of the Sea and while I'd like nothing more than to plunge my cock into you until you scream my name, we both know that would be a huge fucking mistake. So, please, go. Buy some new undies. Preferably huge, baggy granny panties with pictures of dead puppies on them, okay?"

I opened the door for her and shifted my weight from one foot to the other as the discomfort of walking with an enormous hard-on became unbearable.

"I'll talk to you later," I said as she walked through the door and turned to face me.

"What are you going to do now?" she asked, blushing slightly.

I looked at her, knowing my eyes were practically black with desire and unable to do a fucking thing about it.

"I think you know," I said thickly.

Her eyes widened as her gaze traveled down to my bulging jeans.

"Oh," she breathed, and I closed my eyes as her voice wrapped around my aching cock like a warm tongue.

"Bella," I groaned, tensing every muscle in my body to stop myself from yanking her back inside and fucking her roughly against the door. "Please...go."

"Do you have porn?" she asked breathlessly.

"Don't need it," I stated, drinking in her every feature.

"Lotion?"

"Two bottles."

"See you later?"

"If I can walk."

She exhaled and deliberately licked her lips. I clenched my jaw as I watched the mesmerizing pink of her tongue sweep across her coral lips.

_Oh, fuck._

She raised an eyebrow at me as her mouth curled into the sexiest damn smirk I've ever seen. My cock hardened impossibly further and my eyes fluttered as I groaned thickly.

A look of supreme satisfaction crossed her face.

_What the...?_

"You're just fucking torturing me now, aren't you?" I said in disbelief.

"Maybe," she said non-committally, raking her eyes down to my erection and back up again. "I do have a lot of resentment toward you at the moment. It wouldn't be unreasonable to assume I might want to torture you just a bit to exact some small measure of revenge."

My eyes burned into hers as I braced my arms against the door frame, my biceps bulging with the effort of keeping my inflamed body away from her.

"Don't you think you're playing with fire, knowing my complete fucking inability to control myself around you?" I said roughly.

"How will you ever improve your control if you never test it?" she challenged, her eyes coming to rest on my mouth.

"Are you done?" I ground out through clenched teeth.

"For the moment," she replied, her voice thick and low.

"May I go now?"

She smirked again. "Knock yourself out. Don't forget to scream my name as you cum."

With that she turned on her heel and sashayed down the hallway towards the elevators. I watched the fluid sway of her hips and the smooth lines of her legs before I slammed the door loudly, wrenching my jeans open as I strode into my bedroom.

"I always do," I growled as I flopped onto my bed and started stroking my aching cock furiously. "I always do."

***

**Author's Notes**

***Kiya stares blankly into space as she continues to picture Edward stroking himself* **

**Ungh. So hot...**

***She blinks rapidly and wipes her drool as she notices you staring at her***

**Oh! Right. Author notes...**

**So...some interesting home truths have come out – The Madman is back but playing a different game, Rob has gone home to let E & B work out their issues, and Emmett is drowning his sorrows and trying to block out the fact that he may be a l'il bit ghey for Rpattz. Things are about to get really interesting...**

**My Goddess-Beta and ****I**** have started a new blog where we'll be giving teasers for upcoming chapters and conducting interviews with myself and some of your fave characters. Click 'follow' to be notified when it updates. PM me if you have any questions you would like answered, and if you get a chance pop on over and check it out – kiyaravenblogspot(dot)com – replace the (dot) obviously. Comments are most welcome.**

**Now, there's the review button – make my day and jab it roughly. **

**I'm thrilled to say several lurkers have come out of their fanfic bunkers and are now leaving regular reviews. Remember, a review doesn't have to be long and involved, it can just be a smiley face to let the author know you enjoyed yourself. **

**BTW, are there any guys out there reading my little story? If so, please let me know. I'd like to ask any Screamer-Peens their opinion on something.**

**Love you all!**

**Kiya x**


	25. A Pining Giney

**Chapter Notes**

**Darling readers, I love you all. Just thought you should know.**

**Huge love goes out to my Beta-Goddess, Catty-Wan. She's the one who saves you all from my dodgy grammar and inappropriate usage of question marks. I love her much more than a healthy, heterosexual woman should. Really. It's just wrong.**

**To my Twilighted Beta, Blondie – thank you so much for everything you do.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns these characters. I own WAY too many pics of Rob Pattinson that unwittingly make me ovulate every time I look at them. Torturous, really.**

**Warning: The following chapter contains sexual fantasies, UST and porn references, and I'm pretty damn proud of the fact.**

**Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 25 – A Pining Giney**

**BPOV**

His hand slowly wrapped around his silky length, long tapered fingers gripping tightly, sliding and squeezing the rigid shaft as his eyes fluttered and closed. His face was a masterpiece of concentration, gentle spasms flitting across his lips and eyelids, drawing the perfection of his spectacular self-pleasure.

He was magnificent.

My body blazed at the image of him, my skin aching to be touched - a sharp, groaning emptiness squirmed inside me, pleading to be filled. Pleading for him. Always.

His mouth softened and opened, his eyelids squeezing tightly as his breathing increased in pace, and small plaintive moans floated from his lips. His naked chest glistened slightly with a faint sheen of sweat, his biceps and pecs bulging and engorging as he gradually pumped his beautiful hand faster, stronger. I was caught – mesmerized and polarized by the hypnotic action – hard softness and gentle strength – fingers sliding over muscle, grasping and desperate.

My breathing picked up, mimicking his, puffs of arousal and impending release swirling into the air around me, scenting it with desire and longing.

His free hand slapped the bed and gripped fiercely at the sheet beside him as trembling words began a breathy accompaniment to his staccato stroking.

"Oh...Bella....God, yes....Bella....yes."

His back arched and he threw his head against the pillow as he thrust his glorious cock into the slick tightness of his powerful fist.

"Oh...Jesus...Bella, yes. I'm going to cum, baby....Bella, yes!"

I held my breath as I waited for his magnificent release.

"Bella?"

Any second now....

"Bella!"

He's going to blow...

"BELLA!"

Alice's voice rudely shattered my delicious fantasy.

"WHAT?" I asked with more than a little irritation.

"What do you think about what Edward just said?"

I looked around the room. Alice, Bree, Edward and Emmett were waiting for me to speak.

_Oh...crap._

When I walked away from Edward earlier, ignoring the blazing lust in his eyes and giant erection in his pants, I had feigned calm composure before collapsing in the elevator on legs hobbled by overwhelming desire. The look on his face as I teased him and ogled his massive arousal boiled the blood in my veins and set every pleasure receptor in my body to Def-con 5.

I'd spent the next few hours wandering around Seattle, buying new panties and desperately trying not to think about the hotness Edward was perpetrating upon himself – repeatedly. The fact that he still made me aroused beyond all reason or sense was annoying to me. From the moment I stepped into the hotel room today and heard him mumbling my name while he pitched a tent in his sleep, the pulsing ache in my girl-parts had been growing.

Seeing him again had brought a cavalcade of emotions bubbling to the surface, and to be quite honest, I wasn't fucking coping with it. My first instinct when I first saw him on the couch looking like a horny angel was to slap him silly - pummel his sexy sleep-face until he woke up and apologized my anger away- but then he made the 'perfect ass' dream-comment and any violent tendencies I had were translated into visions of me punishing him by riding his obviously giant erection on a hard surface.

_Dammit, the man broke my heart and abandoned me. Why the hell can't I at least be indifferent to the physical power he has over me? Why do I find him so damn devastatingly attractive that it takes every single ounce of control I have to not cling to him desperately and suck on his delicious mouth until we both pass out? What the fuck is wrong with me?_

_I know that he's trying to sort out his issues, and until he does I need to put on my big girl pants and stay the fuck away from him, because otherwise we're both going to end up right back where we started – being crushed under the weight of all of our collective baggage. I know this. I understand it. But it doesn't help with the fact being near him and not being able to touch him is like watching back-to-back episodes of Two and a Half Men – REALLY fucking annoying._

"Bella?"

_Shut up pixie, I'm still soliloquizing._

So, when I got back to the hotel, Alice had called everyone to come to the conference room for the tour strategy meeting, and now here we all were, everyone looking at me and waiting for my opinion on whatever the fuck Edward was just talking about.

I looked over at Edward.

He'd obviously shown himself a good time because his hair was even crazier than usual and he looked thoroughly fucked – and eerily calm.

He gazed back at me expectantly as a sneaky blush crept into my cheeks.

_Oh, Jesus - Edward - naked, hard, stroking himself silly, hand pumping, muscles bulging, impending cum-face..._

"Bella?"

_Fuck, Alice, would you PLEASE stop interrupting my pornographic daydreaming!_

"What do you think about what Edward just said?"

My brain struggled to push away the delectable images.

"Well...um..." _Oh...Jesus...Bella, yes. I'm going to cum, baby....Bella, yes! _

My brain was a complete loser.

I cleared my throat."I thought what Edward had to say was very...um...stimulating."

Edward smirked and raised an eyebrow. I glared at him.

"You have no fucking clue what the hell we're talking about, do you?" Alice demanded.

I huffed in defeat. "No. Sorry Alice. I was thinking about an extremely...hard...I mean, difficult...um...cock...NO...Jesus! Um, I mean, situation."

Fuck my brain.

Edward snorted and chortled quietly to himself.

I kicked him under the table.

"Ow! Jesus, Bella!"

"Take that Thrusty McSmirkerson," I said under my breath.

He gasped in horror. "Do NOT use my super-hero name in front of the mortals. How many times do I have to tell you?"

I kicked him again.

"Bella! Fucking OW, woman!"

"What, no titanium laced shin-bones, Thrusty?"

He narrowed his gaze and Giney cringed in response. "No, sadly. All my titanium is centered in another part of my body."

I swallowed, trying to push the image of Edward's titanium-plated man-rod out of my mind, and he fucking knew it, looking at me calmly with one perfect eyebrow raised expectantly.

Bastard.

"Touche,' Mr. Smirkerson," I said coolly. "Now shut the fuck up."

Alice sighed loudly. "Do I need to separate you two?"

Edward licked his lips and smirked again. "Only if Miss Swan needs some distance so she can think straight."

I idly wondered if I could leap across the table and smack his head into the hard wood before Emmett was able to stop me.

"Edward!" Alice snapped, "Stop annoying your ex-girlfriend and repeat what you said a few moments ago please."

The mischievous sparkle immediately died in his eyes and he looked down at his hands.

_Did he find the term ex-girlfriend as painful as I did?_

I watched as he started to pick at his cuticles nervously.

_I really have to stop him from doing that._

"Well," he said, his eyes still trained on his fingers, "Um...I just said that I would be willing to go ahead with the remaining Screamers meet and greets...as long as Bella comes with me."

He lifted his eyes up to mine in a silent plea.

_Ok, Swan, first of all, drag your perverted mind away from the phrase 'as long as Bella comes with me' and concentrate on the ACTUAL meaning of his words._

I shrugged and nodded slightly, agreeing to cum...shit, I mean come...nope...ACCOMPANY him.

Edward's face nearly exploded with the force of his smile.

_See, that right there? Not fucking fair. That face...that smile...it just makes me want to...oh...and...ungh! Godammit all to hell! I can't even think straight when he smiles at me like that._

I found myself glaring at him in frustration. His smile faded and was replaced by a look of bewilderment.

_Oh. Ok. Bewilderment I can handle. Good, Edward. Go with that._

"But I normally go to the meet-and-greets," Bree whined from the other side of the table, startling me slightly. "It's, like, totes part of my thing."

_Oh, right. There are other people in the room. I knew that._

"Bree," Alice said sharply, "You no longer have a 'thing' ok? All of your 'things' are currently on fucking hiatus until you learn how to properly take care of your responsibilities. Leaving my pussy of a big brother in a room with his rabid fans for a session of junk-grope is completely un-fucking-acceptable, so until further notice you're on food, drinks and lotion acquisition duties only, understand?"

Bree frowned and mumbled under her breath. "I don't know why one man needs so much lotion anyhow. There's like totes such a thing as over-moisturizing you know."

I choked slightly on the sip of water I had just taken, as Edward blushed slightly. Emmett guffawed loudly and even Alice had a tiny giggle.

Bree frowned at us. "What? Like, I totes don't see what's so funny about that!"

I briefly considered giving Bree RPattz's number in the vain hope that he might be able to fuck a bit of her monumental cluelessness out of her, but as attractive as she was, I'm sure as soon as she opened her mouth to speak, Rob would run screaming from her intimidating amount of stupid.

"Alright," Alice said authoritatively, "We have a busy couple of weeks ahead of us and because I seriously need to get back to L.A. so my love-God of a boyfriend can continue to pleasure me within an inch of my fucking life, I'd really like to sort out any ancillary shit within the next two days before my lonely vagina forgets what his smokin' hot cock feels like."

We all stared at her in disbelief. She blushed and clapped her hands over her mouth.

"Oh, fuck. Please tell me I didn't just say all of that out loud?"

Edward dropped his head into his hands and started massaging his temples. "Unfortunately, yes," he groaned. "And although I'm beyond happy that you've finally done something about your marathon crush on Jasper, I REALLY don't want to hear about the sexual hijinks between my therapist and my baby sister. Ever."

Alice blushed slightly before saying quickly, "Yeah, well now you know what it was like for me when YOU and little Miss 'Oh God, Edward, YES! I'm cumming! FUCK YES!' Swan were going at it all day, every day."

Edward looked at me quickly, embarrassment and something else I couldn't place passing across his face.

"Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore, do you?" he said stiffly.

Alice's face softened. "Oh, God, Edward...I..."

"Forget about it," he said dismissively.

A thick layer of tension settled on the room before Bree hoovered it up by saying, "So, Emmett, are you, like, single?"

Emmett looked up in surprise. "Um...what?"

Edward sighed dramatically. "He's single, Bree, but I'm afraid he's unavailable. You see, he's very much in love with someone else."

Emmett scowled darkly. "Keep talking, Chatty-Kathy," he seethed, "We have a session planned after this meeting. PLEASE give me an excuse to hurt you."

Edward winked at me and I had to cover my mouth with my hand to stop from laughing out loud.

"Don't be afraid of your man-love, Em," Edward cooed. "There is nothing wrong with a relatively straight Neanderthal going all gooey over a movie star with pretty eyes and sex hair, okay?"

Emmett growled.

Alice looked between us in confusion. "Who the hell are you guys talking about?"

Edward shot me a conspiratorial look.

"Alice, we can't reveal the source of Em's celebrity crush or we could very well jinx their future happiness," he said, unsuccessfully trying to stifle a giggle.

"You know you're a dead man, right?" Emmett said with a scary smile.

"Alright, alright, enough of the goddamn comedy routine you guys. I have an appointment to verbally phone-sex-up Dr. Even-the-sound-of-my-fuckhot-hot-hand-slapping-against-my-magnificent-man-meat-makes-my-horny-assed-girlfriend-cum-in-her-very-stylish-and-expensive-panties, and I will kill you all horribly if you make me miss it."

Edward groaned. "Alice, PLEASE."

She sighed and rubbed her eyes. "Shit. Sorry. Apparently being away from Dr. My-magical-cock-can-cure-anything-except-the-verbal-diarrhea-currently-dribbling-out-of-your-completely-cockless-mouth, does not agree with me."

"ALICE!"

She sighed again.

"SORRY! Right, back on track." She took a sip of water and continued. "As Emmett mentioned, he and Edward have a session shortly, then Bella – you will take Edward to his pre-recorded television interview this afternoon. Please ensure that he is jovial and brood-free as today's interviewer has a reputation for being a complete cock-muncher and prick. He has been sent a list of vetoed topics but no doubt he'll be a complete asshat and instead ask the most inflammatory questions possible. Edward – I'm going to need you to stay calm and collected, and for fuck's sake, don't punch him in the face, no matter how much he deserves it."

"After the hopefully-incident-free interview, you'll both come back here because tonight we're hosting one hundred lucky Screamers downstairs in the function room. Edward – you'll need to press the flesh, take some pics, scribble some autographs and basically fucking act your ass off so that those sweet, scary fans of yours don't cotton onto how much their pubescent enthusiasm truly fucking terrifies you. Questions?"

Bree's hand shot up.

Alice groaned slightly. "Yes, Bree."

"I just wanted to say that ALL my friends totes downloaded EC's bootlegged album and they ALL said it was like, BRILL, which is really unusual for them because they usually don't like your music 'cause it's too, you know, broody and clever and they're more into, like, Britney, or Miley, or Taylor, but they ALL said that if they hadn't just gotten it for free they would probs have bought it when it went on sale which I think is like, totes amazing."

"Bree, that wasn't a question," Alice said, treating Bree to a mild sunburn as she turned her glare onto its medium setting. "It was a gut-wrenchingly annoying ramble."

Bree started sweating lightly. "Like, yeah, but I just thought it was, like, totes cool."

"And considering the bootleg copy has now been removed from the net, tell your friends to pimp the hell out of the legally available albums that will go on sale in about two weeks because if they try to distribute the illegal one any more I'm going to find out where those bitches sleep and sew their fucking lips together, which I'm sure would be doing the world a favor. Do you understand me?"

Bree nodded and wiped her moist face with her hand.

Alice dropped the glare. "Good. Ok, so Edward and Emmett – you two can go do your thing, whatever the hell it is, and Bella you can meet them in Edward's suite in forty-five minutes to drag him to this afternoon's appearance. Got it?"

We all nodded.

"What should I do?" Bree asked petulantly.

"Um...you could buy me more lotion," Edward suggested tentatively as he got up from the table.

I gaped at him.

"You went through TWO bottles?" I wheezed in disbelief.

He looked down self-consciously. "Um...not quite."

He looked up at me through his lashes and I raised my eyebrow at him.

"Shit, yes, I went through two bottles, okay? What can I say? I'm a fucking perv."

Emmett clapped him on the back. "Yeah you are, Jenna, but you're a very relaxed perv so don't fucking worry about it."

I think my mouth was still gaping open when he turned to me and said meekly, "See you in forty-five minutes?"

I nodded mutely before Emmett steered him toward the door booming, "Now, let's you and I have a little chat about my so-called man-crush, shall we?"

As Edward left I involuntarily ogled his awesome, denim-class ass. Again, a wave of irrational anger washed over me.

_Jesus ever-lovin' Christ. That man has no right being as hot as he is. It's not fair and it sure as hell isn't fucking natural. I think he's projecting extra sex-appeal just to piss me off, and unfortunately, it's working._

"Um...Alice," Bree said in a trembling voice as she approached the small, scary woman who was scribbling notes in a file, "I just wanted to let you know that I'm totes sorry I disappointed you. I know you took a big risk giving me this totes awesome opportunity, and it like, kills me that I let you down." Her bottom lip started to tremble and tears welled in her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Alice! I'm like, totes, seriously sorry."

She started sobbing openly.

Alice shook her head and stood up. "Knock it, Bree," she snapped. "You're not getting the fucking company credit card, okay? I'm onto you, missy."

Bree immediately stopped crying and put her hands on her hips. "Well, how am I supposed to buy lotion for EC then?" she huffed.

Alice turned her back on Bree and strode over to me. Then she turned around and gave Bree her best death-glare.

"Bree, you're confusing me with someone who gives a shit. Now, if you're still in this room and talking to me in three seconds you're going to find my Manolo's well and truly up your incompetent size two ass, mkay?"

Bree's eyes widened and she quickly grabbed her purse and dashed out of the room.

"Idiot," Alice breathed acidly under her breath.

She sat down in front of me and handed me the information for the afternoon's interview. "Be careful with this guy, Bells," she said seriously. "He's likely to say something really fucking stupid to Edward and end up with my brother's fist in his face. If you have any concerns, just pull it, okay? Better to get bad press for walking out than for Edward pounding on him."

I nodded, my brain still annoyingly preoccupied with everything Edward.

"Bells?" Alice said gently as she touched my arm, "Are you okay?"

I blinked and looked at her, shaking my head slightly to rid it of the lingering thoughts of the man who was thoroughly confusing my mind and my emotions.

I sighed heavily.

"Oh, God, Alice, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing at the moment. I mean, I knew it would be difficult seeing him again, and that we both had stuff to work out, but Jesus..."

She stroked my hand gently and waited patiently for me to continue.

I ran my hands roughly through my hair in frustration.

"Christ, I don't know how to describe it, Alice." I searched through the maze of emotions that twisted inside me, trying desperately to find my way to a vague understanding of the convoluted conflict warring inside me.

"Ever since I laid eyes on him this morning, I've alternated between fantasizing about him and wanting to slap him, and my constant flip-flopping is making me feel fucking nauseated."

Alice laughed lightly. "Bells, that's absolutely normal when you see an ex you still have feelings for."

I pulled my hand from hers and stood up suddenly. "Christ, Alice, would you PLEASE stop calling him my ex – it's driving me fucking crazy."

She looked up at me in confusion. "But, Bells, he IS your ex."

I scraped my fingers over my scalp and cried, "THEN WHY DOESN'T HE FEEL LIKE IT? Why does he feel like home and warmth and right and perfect but at the same time like anger and hurt and fear and betrayal? I mean seriously, Alice, what the fuck?"

I flopped back down in my chair and dropped my head heavily onto the conference table. I grunted softly as it hit the wood with a loud thud. I squeezed my eyes against the pain as I felt Alice's arms circle around me.

"Bells...I know that this is hard for you, and if I could I would go back in time to the night when Edward walked out and nail his damn feet to the floor to stop him from hurting you..."

"It's not just about that," I whispered weakly.

She continued to hug me. "I know it's not, but it's a pretty big fucking part of it." She pulled away from me and I looked at her. She lovingly stroked my hair away from my face and I silently thanked God for blessing me with such a beautiful best friend.

"Bells, I know that you have trouble asking for help, and I know that you are the strongest damn person I have ever met in my life, but honey...don't you think that talking to someone who specializes in this type of thing might actually make a difference?"

"What, you mean Jasper?"

Her eyes lit up at the very mention of his name.

I giggled. "Shit, you're so dickmatized by that man, you know that, right?"

She smiled back at me and I've never seen her happier. "Well, as much as I like to pimp out my uber-hot fuck-smart therapist boyfriend, I was actually thinking about someone a little closer. Like Emmett."

I thought about what she was suggesting.

I'd never been someone who confided in others. I'd never really had anyone to confide in. Well, at least not until I met Alice and Edward. All through my childhood I bore the burden of Phil's abuse silently, wrapping the pain around me like armor, using it to shield me and comfort me.

I couldn't talk to Renee about it. The couple of times I tried she just started crying and left the room, which I never understood because I was the one getting fucking pounded – why the hell was _she_ crying? The least she could have done was listen to me, but I guess my mother was too damn weak and selfish to even do that.

The thought of talking to a complete stranger about my issues was both absolutely terrifying and strangely fascinating to me. One part of me felt that sharing my doubts and fears would weaken me, make me less able to cope with things by myself, which is something I've had to learn to do over the years, but the other part of me just desperately wanted to have someone to help carry the burden of my insecurities, at least for a time.

Alice hugged me again. "Just tell me you'll think about it, okay?"

I nodded and hugged her back. "I will. I promise."

She stood up and quickly gathered her things. "Okay, gotta go. Jas is expecting my call and if I'm not punctual the horny Doctor will start without me." I saw color blaze in her cheeks. "Oh, fuck. I think I may have started without _him_ just by thinking about that." She nearly sprinted out the door. "Bye, sweetie!"

I giggled as the sound of her frantic footsteps galloped down the hallway.

God, I loved that girl.

I packed up my stuff and headed back up to my room, showering and changing quickly before flopping down on my bed to waste time until I had to pick up Edward.

I flicked on the television and started surfing through the channels.

_News...sports...sports...Golden Girls...Two & a Half Men – ack!....giant cock being blown by a hot blond...sports. _

_Wait a second!_

I went back one channel.

_Oh. _

_Wow. _

_Free porn. _

I looked around the room nervously. Surely this was a mistake. Free porn? I never got anything for free. Well, apart from things I used to find in dumpsters, but technically I paid for them with my dignity.

I looked back at the TV screen. The blonde's glossy lips were still wrapped around an impressively large erection.

I giggled a little bit.

_Awesoooooome!_

I watched in awe as the blonde navigated fake lashes, fake nails and fake tits to bring her buff partner to orgasm.

I gave her props.

If there was a porn Olympics that little maneuver would have a difficulty rating of three point five and she not only nailed the deep-throat dismount, she totally landed the cum shot. I was impressed.

Apparently, so was Giney. The insistent pounding between my legs was becoming difficult to ignore. I flicked off the television and crossed my legs, squeezing them together and groaning in frustration.

Unfortunately, as much as I loved watching porn, seeing an erect penis automatically made me think of Edward's erect penis, and then all my girl parts started twitching to be reunited with his beautiful cock.

I closed my eyes and wished the ache away.

_Settle the hell down, Giney, alright? Stop your pathetic pining for Godzy because it's not going to happen, babe. Not in the near future anyway. Now would you please stop torturing me and gushing everywhere because I only have so many pairs of dead-puppy granny undies and you've now made me go through another pair. Horny cow._

I stomped into the bathroom and took another shower, ignoring Giney's request for a quick turn with the pulsating shower-head because if she knew how good those damn things were, I'd never leave the hotel room.

I got dressed and looked at the clock. I was still a bit early to pick up Edward, but I figured I'd wander up and see if he was ready.

When I reached his suite, the door was open and I could hear shouting coming from inside.

"Say it again, bitch!"

"No...fuck you, Emmett. I've had enough, okay?"

"FUCKING SAY IT, DOROTHY, OR I'LL MAKE YOU DO TWENTY MORE!"

I heard Edward grunt. "You do not have a man-crush on Robert Pattinson."

His voice sounded strained.

"AGAIN!"

"You do not have a man-crush on Robert Pattinson!"

I walked nervously into the living room to find Emmett standing over Edward who was shirtless on the floor, sweating and grunting as he did stomach crunches.

"Okay, you're done." Emmett threw a towel at Edward and passed him a bottle of water. "Now if you say one more word about me being gay for Rob I'm going to have to force you to suck my cock, got it?"

Edward dropped his head onto his arm and panted heavily. "Yeah, 'cause you're not gay if someone sucks your cock, right, only if you're the one doing the cock-sucking?"

Emmett slapped the top of his head. "Don't be a smart-ass. I was fucking joking. How do you feel?"

Edward glared at him as he took a long swig from the bottle. "Like I want to pound your face into mush but I'm too exhausted to do anything about it."

Emmett laughed heartily. "Yeah, cause if you weren't exhausted you'd have a fucking chance? Dream on, Cinderella. Nevertheless, that's pretty much what I was going for with this session. I'm going to keep stepping up these work-out sessions until you can get into the zone by yourself. It's a great way to alleviate your aggression and channel it into something productive."

Edward stood up and stretched, giving me an unfettered view of his pumped, glistening bod.

I gasped embarrassingly loudly.

Both men turned to me in surprise.

"Bella!" Emmett said warmly as he beckoned me over. "We're just finishing up."

I barely heard him. I walked forward like a zombie, my eyes hungrily raking over Edward's incredible physique. He always had a beautiful body but obviously Emmett had been forcing him to work out, and the definition in his arms, chest and abs was doing very strange things to my body and mind.

I saw his eyes widen as I approached. I knew that I must look like a nympho in heat but I couldn't seem to stop myself. My eyes were ravenous for his half-naked man-meat and they roamed over every inch of exposed flesh like a swarm of locusts.

_Oh dear God. Pecs...abs...biceps...those hot rounded bits where his arms meet his shoulders. All sweaty...all need to be licked...._

"Bella?" Edward's voice broke through my lusty haze. "Are you okay?" I dragged my eyes away from his chest and looked into his eyes. He looked at me with concern. Asshole.

_No, actually, you fucking huge lump of masculine hotness, I'm not okay. I'm going out of my damn mind with desire for you and your ridiculously fuck-hot bod, so please put a fucking shirt on before my self-control snaps and I attack you like you're the world's most delicious all-day-sucker._

"I'm fine," I seethed, as my traitorous eyes migrated down his chest and abs until they found the light smattering of hair that made up the happy trail to the land of Godzy.

_Oh. My. Fuck._

I watched in fascination as the fabric of Edward's shorts bulged and tightened before my eyes.

Giney screamed Godzy's name and I had to take a step back before she made me reach out and stroke her beloved, and now fully aroused, cock-monster.

"Um...I'd better go take a shower," Edward said in a slightly strangled voice before quickly turning and striding into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

_Oh, yeah, great. NOW I also have to deal with the mental image of your hands roaming all over your rock-hard wood as water ripples across your incredible body? Fuck you very much, Edward. Really._

I stalked over to the couch and sat down, crossing my legs angrily in an attempt to get Giney to shut the hell up.

"So, Bella," Emmett said, trying to suppress an annoyingly charming smile. "Coping well with seeing Edward again, are you?"

I scowled at him.

"You've been making Edward work out?" I accused acidly.

He smirked at me, "A bit."

"A BIT?" I scoffed, trying to quash the image of Edward's ripped abs.

He chuckled. "Okay, a lot. Why? Like what you see?"

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Don't fucking start with me, Emmett. I think I hate you."

He sat down next to me and whistled softly. "Wow. You seem incredibly tense and in need of some of my extraordinarily accurate and fucking awesome professional advice. Wanna talk about anything?"

I turned and narrowed my eyes at him. "You're about as subtle as a sledge-hammer, Emmett. Alice asked you to speak to me, didn't she?"

Emmett laughed and I felt the whole couch shake. "Bella, IF Alice did in fact talk to me about you, do you think I'd be stupid enough to rat her out? Christ, that munchkin would crush me like a bug."

I grudgingly smiled back at him. "Yeah, well...she is Queen of the Ballbreakers."

"And she loves the hell out of you and wants you to be happy."

I sighed. "I know. I'm just not sure how to make that happen at the moment."

He glanced quickly towards Edward's door. "Is he part of the problem, or part of the solution?"

I laughed bitterly, "Both."

Emmett nodded and smiled. "Oh, okay. You REALLY need my help, don't you?"

And then it happened – without warning or explanation, I started to cry.

Maybe it was because Emmett made me feel like I didn't have to go through this shit alone, or maybe it was because I was tired and frustrated and horny, or maybe it was because all of my emotions seemed to be clawing their way out of my body like escaped lunatics ever since Edward and I broke up.

I covered my face with my hands, letting the tears come but not proud of them. I wasn't surprised to feel two huge arms wrap around me. I buried myself in his enormous chest and sobbed, feeling him

stroking my back gently as he waited for the tidal wave to pass.

After a few minutes I pulled back, wiping my face on my sleeve and sniffling loudly.

"God, I'm sorry Emmett. I don't know where the hell that came from."

"I do," he said softly, wiping a huge thumb across my damp cheek. "Bella, we all have scars that never heal, and from what Alice has told me about your past, you have more than most people. Now, it's easy enough to hide them – cover them up from prying eyes – but that doesn't make them disappear, and it certainly doesn't make them fucking heal."

He grabbed my hand gently and pulled my arm out straight, pushing up the sleeve of my long-sleeved t-shirt to my elbow, exposing the bright pink scars that still marked my skin. "Do these hurt anymore?" he asked softly.

"No," I replied, watching as he ran a finger across the largest of the angry scars.

"Do you know why they don't hurt anymore?"

"No."

"Because you let someone help you, Bella. You let someone stitch the wounds together, and disinfect them, and kill anything that could have caused them to fester and weep. And then, when the stitches came out and the bandages came off, you let them breathe, uncovered...unhidden."

He pushed up my other sleeve and turned my arm in his giant hands, handling me as if I was precious porcelain, studying the map of recent pain.

"I can help you heal your hidden wounds, Bella, but you have to let me."

I looked up into his warm, open face, suddenly terrified by the unexpected surge of faith I felt for this large, intimidating stranger.

"Are you going to make me do crunches?" I asked with a tremulous smile.

He laughed and enveloped both of my hands in his, "Only if you piss me off, sweetheart."

I heard a sharp hiss and turned around to see Edward standing there, tension gripping his body and anger blazing in his eyes.

I quickly pulled my hands away from Emmett's and tugged my shirt-sleeves down, unsure exactly what the fuck I had done wrong, but feeling guilty for it anyway.

"Hey," I said unsteadily as the fiery green of his eyes flicked down to the floor. "Emmett and I were just talking about..."

"We have to go," he said firmly, turning on his heel and walking toward the door. "The car is waiting for us downstairs."

I looked quickly at Emmett. He frowned and shrugged slightly before waving as I turned and followed after Edward.

We rode the elevator down to the lobby in silence, the air thick and restless between us. Every time I looked at him his eyes were trained on the ground, and my pulse pounded as I watched his jaw clench and release intermittently.

_Was he angry with me? Was he jealous that I was holding hands with Emmett? Jesus, Cullen, please just say something._

A small group of Screamers waited outside the hotel, but Edward strode past them, not even acknowledging their presence before quickly ducking into the waiting limo. I crawled in next to him and an uncomfortable silence engulfed us as the driver slammed the door behind me.

The car sped off and I nervously watched him rake his fingers roughly through his hair repeatedly. A knot of tension started coiling in my stomach. I could feel anger and anxiety pulsing from him in waves and I had no idea what the hell to do about it. There was a time when I would have known exactly how to diffuse the situation – I would have punched him in the arm or made an inappropriate farting sound, but now...what if I tried to help him and he ended up hurting me again?

"Edward," I said tentatively, "Are you ok?"

His face crumpled slightly before he composed it and said, "I'm fine, Bella" in a tight, obviously not-fine voice. He brought a hand up to his mouth and started biting his nails.

I grabbed his hand roughly and pulled it away, suddenly not caring if he was angry with me because I was certainly fucking angry with him.

"Stop that!" I said, forcefully yanking his hand over to me for closer inspection. "Oh, Jesus H Christ!" I looked up at his surprised face. "In the week we've been apart you've completely demolished your fingers, Edward, you know that don't you? Can you even play the guitar or the piano any more with these hands? They're goddamn appalling!"

He looked down at his hands as I started to assess the damage with my fingertips.

"Um...well...they hurt a bit, I suppose," he said quietly.

"You suppose?" I demanded, feeling the hard, ripped skin.

He looked me in the eyes and I stopped breathing.

"It hurts," he stated simply, filling my mind with too many layers of implication, "But I'm kind of used to it by now."

I dragged my eyes from his and looked back down to his hand. His fingers stretched out to meet mine as I gently stroked his ruined cuticles and I heard a nearly-silent sigh escape his lungs.

"Why do you keep punishing yourself like this?" I asked, gently running my fingers across his palm in slow, delicate circles. His head dropped back against the seat and he moaned slightly as his eyes closed.

"I don't know," he breathed, swallowing hard. "I guess it's just a habit now. I know I should stop, but I don't know how."

"But you've managed to stop so many other habits."

He winced slightly, "That's different."

I trailed my fingers up his forearm. He tensed slightly as a rush of air was sucked inside him.

I brought my fingertips back down, prying open his now clenched fist.

"It doesn't have to be," I whispered, stroking his fingers until they lay open and relaxed next to me.

He sighed. "When you touch me like that, I believe you."

I kept grazing my finger-tips over his skin, not sure if my touching him was a good idea for either of us but also not willing to stop.

I watched as a flicker of anger passed across his face.

"Do you have something you want to say to me, Edward?" I asked carefully, continuing to stroke his hand gently. I felt like he was a caged lion and my soft caresses were the only thing keeping him from tearing me to pieces. "You seemed kind of upset when you saw Emmett and me together."

He opened his eyes and rolled his head towards me. "Can we talk about it later?" he asked, obviously struggling to keep his emotions in check.

"Promise?" I pressed nervously.

He closed his hand around mine rubbing the back of my fingers with his thumb. His eyes were dark in the gloom of the limo but the air around us crackled and sparked.

I inhaled noisily as my heart thundered around my chest erratically.

"I promise," he said, quickly dropping his hand, letting it clench into a tight fist again and turning to look out the window.

I exhaled and lay my head back against the seat, closing my eyes and trying to calm my pounding pulse.

***

"Good evening, folks, and welcome to Wilke's Weekly Round-Up, the show that brings you the news BEHIND the news. Our first guest today exploded onto the music scene a few years ago with his edgy, acoustic sound and now he's preparing to release his third album, Work In Progress. He has a huge contingent of fans who follow his every move, but he's managed to drag himself away from them to join us in the studio today – please welcome Edward Cullen!!"

The large studio audience applauded and screamed loudly as Edward made his way to the chair opposite Marcus Wilke, the closest thing Seattle had to a television shock-jock.

Wilke had a reputation for asking extremely confronting questions, and about a third of his guests walked off the set before completing their interview. This, of course, made him insanely popular and his viewers' demographic matched well with Edward's which is why Alice asked Bree to set up this interview in the first place.

Edward had been interviewed by him once before with Wilke spending almost the entire interview discussing Edward's various narcotics habits, but apparently Edward was high at the time and so he didn't remember a lot about it.

Now, Wilke sat in his chair looking like an uptight, bloated bullfrog as Edward waved to the audience and smiled, sitting down and shaking Wilke's hand warmly as I silently breathed a sigh of relief.

Edward's mood had remained dark during the trip to the studio and he had said very little to me since we'd arrived. I was worried that his brooding would carry over into the interview, but now, he looked relaxed and happy, sipping from a glass of water as the applause died down and Marcus asked his first question.

"So, Edward, your new album is coming out in a few weeks but it seems some of your fans have already been treated to a sneak peek after the whole album was leaked onto the internet earlier this week. Was that really a mistake or just a very clever marketing tool?"

Edward grimaced theatrically. "No, it was a mistake, Marcus. My mistake actually. I gave an advanced copy to someone I shouldn't have. It's that simple. See, what a lot of people don't realize about me is that I'm a complete dick."

Marcus and the audience laughed. "Well, I'm sure that if someone other than yourself tried to say that about you, your fans would rip them to pieces."

Edward nodded. "Oh, yeah they would. I have the scariest fans in the whole world. They even terrify me." The girls in the audience screamed and cheered. "See?" Edward said, pointing, "They're completely insane."

I laughed quietly._ Good one Cullen, reveal your Screamer-phobia while still charming the pants off them. Brilliant._

"Speaking of insane," Marcus continued, "I understand you had a bit of an episode yourself recently when you got home to find your girlfriend being accosted by a man with a knife?"

Edward took another sip of water. "Yes, that was an interesting experience."

"Now, the papers and magazines have been telling us all what a hero you are for saving your girlfriend from a suspected murderer, but here on Wilke's Weekly Round-up we like to get the story _behind_ the story."

A shadow passed across Edward's face before he asked calmly, "What would you like to know?"

Marcus leaned forward in his chair looking exactly like a hungry vulture circling a dying animal in the desert. I willed Edward to keep his cool.

"Well, all the stories say that you disarmed the attacker, but I've heard a rumor that you did a bit more than just disarm him. Is that true?"

Edward's eyes darted over to me then back to Marcus. "Um...yeah, that's true. He was threatening my...um...girlfriend, so I beat the crap out of him."

The audience applauded loudly. Edward looked at them in surprise. "Um...I think he's still in the hospital actually." They applauded louder. Edward looked confused.

_Jesus, we really haven't come that far from cheering like idiots as the lions ate the Christians, have we? People are fucking strange._

Marcus tried to calm the noisy crowd. "And what about your girlfriend...what happened to her?"

_Oh, no. Why the hell is he asking that?_

"Um...she was treated for some lacerations."

"Caused by the attacker?"

_Dammit._

"Ah, no. I accidentally pushed her and she fell through a glass coffee table."

The audience fell silent. Marcus looked like he was about to wet his pants with satisfaction.

"Wow. That must have been upsetting to you - having saved her from a knife-wielding maniac, only to have her sliced up, basically by your own hand?"

Edward's eyes turned cold as he realized he was being interviewed by the journalistic equivalent of an ambulance chaser.

"Yeah, Marcus, I can tell you in all honesty that it sucked. Maybe we could talk about my new album now?"

Marcus smiled and I fought the urge to launch myself across the studio and put my fist through his smarmy face. Judging by Edward's expression and posture, he was fighting a similar urge.

_Come on, Edward, just hold it together for a little longer._

"Well, I'll get to the new album in a couple of minutes, but there are a few more issues I'd like you to clear up for me regarding this incident before we move on. A source tells me that after the attack in which your girlfriend was badly hurt by you, you actually broke up with her...in her hospital room? Now come on Edward, that's just crazy isn't it? That can't possibly be true..."

Edward's jaw clenched and I inched further towards the stage, ready to pull the plug the moment he cracked.

"Wow," Edward said, forcing a laugh, "I'd really like to meet this source of yours. Care to give me their name?"

Marcus shook his head. "Oh, you know I can't do that, Edward. Journalistic integrity and all that."

Edward laughed. "Oh, Marcus, I don't think anyone would ever accuse you of having any journalistic integrity whatsoever."

The audience laughed and applauded.

Marcus shot them a dirty look before saying, "Ooh, that hurts, Edward...but you still haven't answered my question..."

Edward rubbed his eyes and sighed. "Yes, it's true. I broke up with my girlfriend while she was lying in a hospital bed. What can I say? I'm an asshole...obviously. See, folks?" he said to the shocked audience. "Fun facts you never knew about Edward Cullen. I'm a dick and an asshole. Please feel free to tell me to go screw myself."

The audience exploded with laughter. Marcus scowled slightly, disappointed his beeline for Edward's jugular had been more or less thwarted.

"Well, Edward, all jokes aside," he said, tamping down the frivolity. "How on earth do you justify abandoning your girlfriend while she lay bleeding in a hospital bed?"

Edward looked over at me. "I had my reasons at the time. As it turns out, I completely suck at reasoning."

Marcus tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Hmmm...did it have anything to do with the fact that you found out your girlfriend used to be a prostitute?"

The audience gasped.

_Oh. Fuck._

Edward froze. His body tensed as he looked Marcus in the eye. "I beg your pardon?" he said carefully.

_Jesus, what should I do? Should I stop the interview and let this weasel get the 'storm-out' he no doubt designed this question for, or should I let Edward try to deal with it?_

"Well," said Marcus, "my source tells me that the attacker was a well-known pimp in L.A. so one would assume that his association with your girlfriend was a business one?"

Edward looked at Marcus and shook his head, a massive smile spreading across his face. "Oh Marcus, I can't believe you fell for that! Did Bella tell you to say that? Come on, be honest? Damn, that girl cracks me up."

He laughed loudly as Marcus looked at him in confusion.

"Edward, I have no idea what you're talking about?"

Edward gaped. "Seriously? You asked the prostitute question and nobody put you up to it? Oh, hell, Marcus, don't admit to that. People will think you're an idiot."

Marcus's face turned dark and he glared at Edward. "So your girlfriend WAS a prostitute then?"

Edward guffawed loudly. "Oh, Christ, stop would you?" Edward turned and addressed the audience. "You see folks, my ex-girlfriend, Bella, who also happens to be my publicist...I know...it's complicated...used to live on the streets..."

_Oh, ok. We're telling people about me now, apparently._

The audience 'awwed' appropriately.

"Yeah, don't make that sound. She'll kick your ass if she thinks you're pitying her." The audience giggled. "Anyway, she constantly jokes around that just because she used to be indigent, people always assume that she was a prostitute, which is just ignorant and small-minded, right?"

The audience nodded enthusiastically.

_Jesus, Edward has them in the palm of his hand. Where the hell is all of this coming from?_

"So now, every once and a while, she'll get a journalist to drop the prostitute question into an interview just to see me crack up, and I guess today, it's Marcus's turn." He clapped Marcus on the back a little too hard and Marcus's jowls wobbled impressively. "You're a riot, man, really."

Marcus forced a grudging smile on his face and said, "Well, I knew you'd get a kick out of it Edward, so when Bella suggested the question, I just went with it."

Edward raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, you did, didn't you?"

Marcus picked up the promo disc I had give to his production assistant and held it up for the camera. "Well, folks, that's all we've got time for before the break. Edward Cullen's new album, 'Work In Progress' will be available in two weeks at all the major retailers and even some of the crappy ones. Do yourself a favor and pick it up."

He reached out and shook Edward's hand.

"Thanks for coming in, Edward. Great to see you again."

Edward smiled with his mouth but not his eyes.

"Thank you Marcus. It's been fun."

Marcus turned back to the camera. "We'll be right back with more of Wilke's Weekly Round-up right after this break – don't go anywhere."

The audience applauded as the music swelled and after a few seconds the floor-manager called the commercial break. I raced over to the stage where Marcus and Edward were still glaring at each other.

"What the fuck was that all about, Cullen?" Marcus whispered, trying to avoid the audience overhearing.

"I could ask you the same thing, Wilke? Who the fuck do you think you are asking a question like that?!" Edward whispered back.

"The question had merit, Cullen. I have a very reliable source!"

"Yeah, well you'd better have a very reliable doctor, because if I hear you so much as think that kind of bullshit about my former girlfriend ever again I'm going to put you in the fucking hospital, pal. Do you understand me?"

Marcus stood up, drawing himself up to his full five feet, nine inches. "You don't fucking scare me, Cullen," he spat.

Edward stood up too, taking full advantage of his six feet, two inches and towering over the now-sweating bull-frog. "Then you're even stupider than you look, Wilke," he seethed, his eyes growing darker by the second.

I grabbed Edward's clenched fist and pulled him away from the stage. "Come on, Edward, let's go."

He followed after me grudgingly, exhaling loudly as I pulled him into the dressing room and closed the door behind him.

"I should fucking rip that guy's head off for saying that about you," he spat, pacing frantically. "What a fucking asshole."

"Edward, calm down."

"Bella, how the fuck do you expect me to calm down after what he just said? Did you not hear him?"

"Of course I heard him, but it doesn't matter."

"It DOES fucking matter. That prick has never missed a square meal in his whole fucking life. How dare he judge the choices you made to survive on the streets."

"Edward..."

"I'd like to put that little turd-burglar out on the street with no food or money and see exactly how long it took him to offer to suck cock for a goddamned McHappy meal. Motherfucker."

I clamped my hand across his mouth to stop him talking. "Edward. Please. Calm down and shut the fuck up."

I took my hand away slowly, partly to make sure he'd finished his rant and partly because I enjoyed the way his warm breath felt on my skin.

"Besides, it doesn't matter that he asked you a completely inappropriate question. The point is, you handled him beautifully."

He stared down at me, his eyes glazing over slightly. "What?"

I laughed at the shocked expression on his face. "Edward, when that question came out of his mouth, I expected you to completely freak out, but you handled it so incredibly well I had to look twice to make sure it was really you speaking."

He frowned at me. "Well, Jesus, Swan, I don't know if I should be flattered by that or highly fucking insulted."

I reached my arms around his waist and hugged him. "Both, Cullen," I said as I breathed in his beautifully unique Edward-scent, "definitely both."

His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me further into him, pressing his body tightly against mine. My body blazed as it came in contact with his, and judging from the growing hardness in his pants, he felt it too. The heat between us ignited so rapidly and so fiercely I had to step away.

I pulled back and we looked at each other, both panting slightly.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said quickly. "I didn't mean to...um...you know..." He gestured to his erection.

"I know," I said, nodding in understanding. "I didn't mean to...um...need new panties."

He swallowed. "So you're wearing panties then?"

I nodded. "Giant granny panties, just like you requested."

"Uh huh," he said, his eyes traveling down to the crotch of my black suit-pants. "For some reason that image isn't turning me off as much as I'd like."

"Bummer," I said, squirming uncomfortably under his intense gaze.

"Yep," he agreed, dragging his eyes back up to my face.

It started so slowly I don't think either one of us was aware it was happening. We gradually inched towards each other, drawn together as we studied each other's faces, needing to be closer. Before I knew what I was doing I was standing right in front of him, looking up into his beautiful, love-filled eyes.

He reached down and took my hand, carefully pushing up the sleeve of my shirt.

He hissed softly as the pink-red scars were revealed. He traced his fingers over them lightly and I closed my eyes as mini-tremors passed across my skin.

"I did this to you," he said, his voice heavy with sorrow and regret.

"You didn't mean to," I breathed, my eyes still closed as his fingers traced the ropey lines.

"When I saw your arms today when you were talking to Emmett, all I could think was - I did that to you."

"Is that why you were so angry?"

He sighed. "Yes. I tried to use the techniques Emmett has taught me to calm down, but I kept seeing these lines on your perfect skin and the anger kept building."

He raised my arm up. My eyes flew open and I gasped as I felt his lips touch my damaged flesh.

"I'm sorry," he said gently against one of the angry lines, his breath skating across my skin. His lips pressed down again in a different spot, covering another scar. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

I watched in awe as he kissed each and every scar on my arm, pressing his soft lips to each one reverently before apologizing and moving on. My breathing was rough and shallow as he continued his pilgrimage of apology, eventually pushing up the sleeve on my other arm and starting all over again.

By the time he was finished my legs were dangerously close to dumping me on the ground and I stepped into him and wrapped my now fully-blessed arms around his neck. He buried his head in my throat and inhaled deeply, unashamedly pulling me against his obvious arousal.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered into my hair.

"You know," I said softly, "I'm kind of getting that."

He pulled back, pushing my hair away from my face gently. "When Marcus brought up the fact that I abandoned you in the hospital after I hurt you so badly, I thought I was going to be sick. Jesus, Bella, how can you even look at me after I did that to you?"

I swallowed and raised my eyes to his. "Well, to be honest, it's not easy." Pain flashed across his face. "But thankfully you're exceedingly pretty so that helps a lot."

He smiled and cupped my face with his palm, his thumb lightly brushing over my flushed skin. "You're hysterical, Piss-Girl, you know that, don't you?"

I laughed. "Yeah, well, it has been said before."

We stood there looking at each other, knowing that we should leave but neither willing to take the first steps. My gaze kept returning to Edward's mouth, lingering on it, savoring with my eyes what I couldn't with my lips.

I could hear the thundering of his heart in the small, dingy room, echoing my own erratic beat, and as I watched his mouth get closer to mine I wondered idly if I had the strength to stop what was going to happen next, even if I wanted to.

I could smell his sweet, warm breath as he lowered his lips, his mouth slightly open, drawing me back to the place where I knew I belonged, but was too frightened to go.

He stopped just before our lips met, his eyes searching mine, looking for approval, seeking my consent. If I was going to stop this before it went any further, now was this time. He was giving me a chance to choose, to make the decision for both of us. I looked into his eyes, my breathing fast and unsteady. I saw everything I needed in him, everything I could possibly want, but Emmett's words about hidden wounds kept echoing in my brain and I knew that it was too soon, for both of us.

I took one last lungful of his sweet air and stepped away from him.

He dropped his head and exhaled heavily.

"Shit, Bella, I'm sorry," he panted.

I shook my head vigorously, breathing deeply.

"No, God, don't apologize. I want you to kiss me, Edward, really. I want it more than I should considering the consequences, but..."

"We're not ready," he finished.

I looked up at him. "No. We're not ready."

He nodded in understanding.

"Do you think we could send a memo to Giney and Godzy about this whole issue, because I don't think they really understand why we can't be together."

I laughed. "Oh, Jesus! Tell me about it! Giney has been pining for you all damn day. She's been making me crazy."

Edward raised his eyebrows. "Really? She's been pining for me?"

I scowled at him. "Yeah, as IF you haven't noticed - fucking Giney tease."

He laughed. "I thought she was going to jump me after my workout."

I sighed at the memory. "Oh, she almost did. Believe me."

He picked up my hand and laced his fingers between mine, and it felt...perfect.

"Let's go get some dinner before I have to face the Screamers, okay?"

"Deal," I said enthusiastically, "I'm starving. Ooh, why don't we order room service from my room? I have free porn!"

He looked at me in wonder as we walked out of the gloomy television studio and into the golden afternoon light.

"Awesoooooome!"

His face lit up like all his Christmases had come at once.

I giggled, "My thoughts exactly. Of course, I'll latch the cast-iron chastity belt onto Giney before-hand. We don't want any porn-induced 'accidents', do we?"

He smiled at me with lust in his eyes, "Well, you're being optimistic if you think that a mere iron chastity belt could stop my titanium laced erection-monster, but hey, if it makes you feel better, knock yourself out."

I punched him in the arm. "Would you PLEASE stop using the erection-word around Giney. She's making it very uncomfortable for me to walk."

He laughed loudly. "Need some new panties, babe?"

I glared at him and sighed. "Yes, smart-ass, I need new panties."

He smirked with satisfaction. "Excellent."

Asshole.

***

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**Author Notes**

**So Giney and Godzy are going to the fabled land of free porn. *sigh* ****I**** wish them luck.**

**What the best porn title you've ever come across? ****I**** think my all time fave is "Edward Penishands" - what a classic. Let me know your faves and give me a giggle.**

**I**** am more than thrilled at the number of lurkers who continue to come out of the woodwork and say hello. Please don't be shy you guys – ****I**** only bite if you ask me really, really nicely.**

**There's the review button. Hit it and you get free porn. Seriously.**

**Love you all!**


	26. Cool, Calm & Cockblocked

**Chapter Notes**

**Darling readers, **

**I'm absolutely blown away to tell you that The Screamers recently won TWO Twilighter's Choice Awards - 1st place in The Damsel In Distress category (Best Bella), and second place in The Wonderland Award (Best Alice). The fuckawesome MrsTheKing of Poughkeepsie fame took out first place and just having my name next to hers in ANY way makes my bladder let go immediately. Thankfully I was wearing my adult diapers at the time and so avoided major embarrassment. If you haven't read her fic – shame, shame, shame.**

**Needless to say I'm thrilled beyond words. I never win stuff as a rule so my tiny mind has officially been blown. **

**My undying love and gratitude goes out to my Goddess Beta – Catty-Wan. You complete me...**

**To my Twilighted Beta, Blondie – Thank you so much for pushing through this fic as fast as you can.**

**A special thank you to all those who told me their fave porn titles. I tried to use them all in this chapter.**

**I did promise you free porn last chapter. Read on to receive it.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns all things Twilight. I own fifteen bottles of nail varnish, all in roughly the same shade of nude/pink. Why?**

**Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 26 – Cool, Calm & Cockblocked**

**EPOV**

I looked into her eyes. They were bright with excitement.

"Bella," I said softly, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Her eyes were sure and unflinching. "I'm sure."

"I'm not going to go easy on you. This is going to be hard and fast. Do you understand?"

She rolled her eyes. "Are we going to talk about this some more or are we going to fucking do it?"

I shrugged slightly. "Okay. You asked for it, but be prepared for imminent humiliation when I whip your sorry ass."

"That's what she said," Bella giggled, indicating a busty Asian girl on the flat screen who was currently standing over a mewling blonde and brandishing a bejeweled riding crop.

The Madman stroked himself quietly in the corner. _ Oh, fuck, I love free porn. Oh, God, yes. Smack her ass with that crop. She's been a bad girl. She needs to be punished. _

You know, Madman, for once I absolutely agree with you.

Bella snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Hey! Pervmeister! Are we playing the game or are we watching the lesbian bondage action?"

I frowned in concentration. "Wow. Tough choice. Can I have a minute to think about it?"

She threw a pillow at me. "Just get on with it, would you?"

I sighed and turned to her.

"There was a time, Swan, when you enabled my porn addiction. Ah, I remember it well - you'd buy me a range of porn and manly whack-off lotion that smelled like peaches, and I'd abuse myself for hours on end without judgement or recrimination. I miss those simple times."

I ducked as another pillow whistled past my head. I sighed again.

"Alright, alright, I'm getting on with it. Jesus, woman, impatient much? Game rules are simple – quick-fire answers...first person to stall, loses. Deal?"

I held my right hand out to her. She grasped it with hers, smirking at me as she squeezed tightly causing all my metatarsals to merge into one another.

"Deal," she said sexily as she squeezed my hand even fucking harder.

_JESUS! Oh, fuck! Don't wince, Cullen. For the love of God and your supposedly-manly ball-bag, don't you DARE fucking wince._

She let go of my hand and I exhaled in relief.

"Ladies first," I gurgled gallantly, flexing my blood-deprived fingers.

"That's what she said," she giggled as the pussy-whipped blonde on the screen orgasmed loudly.

I looked at her incredulously. "You're just cracking yourself up with that phrase, aren't you?"

She nodded and giggled again. "A bit."

"Just fucking start, Swan," I laughed, resisting the urge to reach out and run my thumb across her beautiful lips.

"You asked for it, big boy," she said menacingly. "Right. Um...Best porn titles ever? Ah...Womb Raider."

"Schindler's Fist."

"The Sperminator."

"Shaving Ryan's Privates."

"The Jizzard of Oz"

"Saturday Night Beaver."

"Breast Side Story."

"Juranus Park – Attack of the Penisaurus."

Bella giggled. "Oh crap, really?"

I smiled, "Really."

She leaned back into the corner of the couch and propped her bare feet up on my leg. I absent-mindedly pick up a foot and started massaging it.

"Your turn," I said with a smile.

Her face grimaced with concentration. "Um...Sperms of Endearment."

"Sick Degrees of Penetration."

"Spankenstein."

"Buttman & Throbbin'"

"How Stella Got Her Tube Packed."

I sprayed saliva everywhere as I laughed. "Oh, Jesus. I haven't heard that one before. That's fucking fantastic."

She nodded and laughed with me. "I know, right?"

"Oh, an all time fave – In Diana Jones and the Temple of Poon."

"Um...ah...oh...When Harry Ate Sally."

"You're slowing down, Swan," I warned.

"Bite me, Cullen," she countered. "I'm not going down without a fight."

"Promises, promises," I smoldered, "Fucking tease."

She giggled and dug her heel into my thigh. "Your turn, butt-munch."

"Dyke Hard."

"Star Whores."

"Romancing the Bone."

"Ocean's Eleven Inches."

"Free My Willy."

She snorted and slapped the back of the couch with her hand. "Oh fuck! That's brilliant!"

I looked at her and frowned.

"Oh, that wasn't a porn title, missy, it was an order," I said seriously, raising an expectant eyebrow at her.

She snorted with laughter and reached over to punch me in the arm.

"In your dreams, Asstard," she laughed.

I looked down at my swollen crotch, patting it soothingly as I whispered, "Do you hear that Godzy? She knows us too well."

We both giggled like fools for a few seconds before she said as she sighed, "Cullen, should I be concerned that you can list continuous porn titles without even stopping to think?"

I pushed my thumbs into her instep and circled them around, causing her eyelids to flutter slightly.

"Swan, I'm a man. I'm SUPPOSED to be obsessed with porn. Do you mind telling me how an ex-homeless-girl who didn't have access to audio-visual equipment of any kind for three years knows so many damn porn titles?"

Her head lolled back against the couch as I raked my thumbs from her heel to her toes and back again. Her mouth opened slightly and I suddenly forgot all about the porn on the TV – Bella was far sexier than anything those girls had going on. Her tongue made a quick circuit around her lips and I clenched my jaw as I watched in fascination.

"I used to spend a LOT of time in video stores," she said as her eyes closed. "Looking at the DVD cases was almost as good as seeing them on the screen, especially the porn titles."

Her body relaxed into the soft leather as my fingers closed around her toes, squeezing and kneading them rhythmically. She groaned softly and the sound caused Godzy to slam himself against the fly of my jeans with staggering force.

I almost groaned back.

"Oh, Jesus, that feels good," she breathed as I continued stroking her foot.

"That's what she said," I smirked, indicating the exotic brunette on the TV who was currently hosting an all-you-can-eat buffet in her vagina.

Bella threw her head back and we both laughed.

God, I had missed this. Being with her. Talking to her. Touching her.

When I was with her everything seemed so easy...so right.

After the interview with that asshole, Wilke, I had felt the familiar burn of rage coursing through me. I wanted to rip his fucking head off for saying those things about Bella, and what's more I wanted to find the person who TOLD him those things about Bella and experiment on their skin with different types of acid. God only knows how I kept my head together enough to actually shame the motherfucker into basically retracting the question. Emmett would have been proud.

But then _she_ was there, silencing me with her soft hand on my mouth and telling me that I did a good job, and all I could think about was that I had second chance with this incredible woman and I was sure as hell going to make it count.

I had pushed up her sleeves to get a closer look at the physical damage I had caused her, my mind screaming with guilt as the sharp red lines painted themselves across my weary conscience. I found my lips brushing the knitting skin and a flood of apologies had breathed out of me, each whispered atonement attaching itself to one of the sharp daggers of guilt twisting in my mind and pulling it free.

Every time my lips met her arm, I was whole again, briefly...perfectly...and I intended to work my ass off to ensure that feeling became my natural state of being.

"Whoa," I heard her exclaim softly.

I followed her gaze to the flat-screen where a tall, copper-headed man had appeared. He removed his shirt and sat down in an office chair, stroking his impressive erection through his jeans.

_Aw, come on. Are you fucking kidding me? That goddamn porn-stag looks just like me!_

I looked back at Bella. Her mouth was hanging open and her eyes were bright with...lust?

A surge of jealousy spiraled through me.

_What the fuck, Cullen. She's been watching porn with you for an hour. Why the hell is it bothering you all of a sudden?_

Because, dumb-ass, we've been joking and laughing about the porn up until now. NOW, she's glued to the fucking screen like her eye-balls have been coated with Tarzan's Grip. She's ogling another man's cock for God's sake!

_Stop being such a pussy. She can't even see his cock._

Porn-boy groaned and closed his eyes as he slowly unbuttoned his pants, pulling his erection free and gripping it in his fist.

_Oh, well, now she can._

I nearly fell off the couch.

_Holy identical penises, Batman. He really DOES look like me._

A weird gurgling noise came from Bella's throat as her eyes widened, and her gaze flicked to me then back to the wanking asshole on the screen. His hand was pumping faster now and I nearly fucking lost it when I noticed that Bella's breathing was speeding up in time with his strokes.

"Bella," I began, about to suggest that the free porn had pretty much outstayed its goddamn welcome.

"SHHHH!" she hissed urgently.

_WHAT? You just fucking SHUSHED me so you could watch another man stroke his cock? What the FUCK, Swan?_

I was just about to end this ridiculous fuckery when a curvy brunette entered the picture, eyeing porn-boy's giant cock and licking her lips in anticipation.

_Oh. Fuck. Me. She looks...just...like...Bella. A slutty Bella with too much make-up and fake tits, but Bella nonetheless._

The Bella doppelganger dropped down in front of the copper-headed tugger and gobbled him like he was made of candy. He threw his head back as her tongue explored the tight ridges of his cock, tracing the solid shaft of muscle before taking him into her mouth and sucking him roughly.

"Oh, God," My voice sounded strangled and strange.

_Jesus. Did I just say that out loud?_

My erection throbbed uncomfortably in my jeans as I watched porn-Bella mouth-fuck the hell out of porn-Edward, both of them moaning loudly as her head bobbed up and down on his rigid length. I vaguely registered strange noises echoing around me. I'm pretty sure it was Bella and I moaning in unison.

"Um, Edward?" Bella rasped. "Maybe we should turn this off?"

"Uh huh," I replied mindlessly. "That's probably a REALLY good idea."

_Where's the remote? Not here? Oh well. It's the thought that counts._

I consciously started rubbing Bella's feet again to try to distract myself, but I couldn't seem to drag my eyes away from the screen.

Porn-Edward stood up, pulling porn-Bella to her feet and bending her over the large desk. He ripped off his pants before grabbing his erection and rubbing it gently between her folds causing her to moan and whimper.

_Cullen, get up and turn this shit off, NOW, before it causes you to do someone...I mean something...that you're really going to regret._

Uh..yeah...sure...I'll get right on that.

I rubbed Bella's feet harder, gripping them desperately so I couldn't reach out and re-create the scene playing out in front of me.

"Oh, Jesus...that's so fucking hot," Bella breathed as porn-Edward entered porn-Bella from behind, sliding his erection into her and grabbing her hair roughly as he began to thrust. Porn-Bella arched her back and groaned, one hand coming up to finger her nipples while the other one trailed down to lazily rub her clit.

"Oh, fuck, yes," Porn-Edward growled as he started pounding into her fiercely.

I felt my balls begin to tingle as I watched his shaft disappear into her tight wetness over and over again. I remembered what Bella felt like, encasing me, gripping me with her strong inner muscles, grasping at my hardness as it drove into her. I remembered the noises she made as her orgasm built inside her, and how she would clamp down and tighten even further, dragging me with her to the precipice...teetering there...lost in sensation and skin and sounds of outrageous ecstasy...

"Um, Edward?"

Her voice startled me and I snapped my head to look at Bella who was, in turn, looking at her foot in my lap.

I glanced down in horror to see I was rubbing Bella's heel up and down the length of my erection as I massaged her instep.

"Oh, God! Bella, I'm sorry," I stammered, moving her foot away from my crotch and feeling like the Grand Master Poobah of Gargantuan Pervs.

She pulled her foot out of my hands and deliberately placed it back on my mortified erection.

"Don't be sorry," she said in a voice that was so fucking sexy it should be illegal.

She started rubbing her foot along my length again, and I couldn't stifle the enormous groan that rumbled through my chest as my head fell back against the couch. My eyes closed in pleasure.

"Bella," I moaned, "We've just agreed that we're not ready to kiss, and yet you think I'm ready for you to foot-fuck my aching cock?"

I could hear her breathing speed up. "Do you want me to stop?" she asked quietly.

I clenched my jaw and tried to do the right thing.

"Fuck, no."

_Ok. So obviously doing the right thing is completely off the menu at this point in time. _

The only thing my lust-crazed brain could vaguely grasp at the moment was the concept of doing Bella.

My hand started traveling up her leg, massaging the muscles as they tensed with the action of her foot's mind-blowingly torturous arc. Tiny sounds escaped her lips as my hand reached her thigh, gasping breaths panting in time with the movement of her talented toes.

"Bella," I groaned as my hand trailed toward the juncture of her legs. "Tell me to stop. Please. We shouldn't be doing this. Seriously."

She moved her pelvis closer to me, parting her legs slightly.

"I know," she whispered. "This is really goddamn stupid."

My hand rested on her hip, gripping and releasing the fabric of her pants as I willed myself to get up and walk away. My breathing was shallow and loud in my head and all logical thoughts shattered into a million pieces as I glanced up and found her glorious eyes blazing into mine.

The echoes of our porn counterparts fucking loudly and furiously in the background did absolutely nothing to diminish the ridiculous amount of sexual tension currently permeating the air between us. Bella's foot continued its unbearable friction on my fierce arousal, and I was fighting with every ounce of control I had left to stop myself from ripping the thin barrier of fabric from her body and plunging myself into her welcoming warmth.

I clenched my jaw as my hand inched towards her crotch. Her eyes drifted shut and my name dropped heavily from her lips.

"Oh...God...Edward..."

My thumb dipped between her legs, pressing firm circles on the center seam of her pants.

_Oh, Jesus._

I could feel her pulsing with desire.

She lifted her hips and pushed forward, grinding the warm and slightly wet fabric into my all-too-willing fingers.

"Bella," I moaned, "We have to stop."

Her hips gyrated against my fingers again and we both groaned softly.

"I know," she panted. "Oh, shit, Edward. Yes. We have to stop."

Suddenly she sprang up and straddled me, pressing herself down onto my erection as she undulated her hips in an excruciating rhythm. My hands slapped the cool leather of the couch in surprise as Godzy nearly exploded in delight at having Giney grinding on him shamelessly.

"FUCK!"

I closed my eyes, trying to grasp the last vestige of reason as it squirmed and hid behind the massive cloud of lust blasting through my brain.

"Bella," I gasped, wrapping my arms around her as her knees crashed against my hips, "Is this some strange definition of the word 'stop' that I'm not aware of?"

I gripped her hips roughly, pushing myself up into her, desperate to be deeper, harder, wetter. She whimpered and fisted my hair fiercely.

_FUCK! Cullen, stop this. NOW!_

I groaned inwardly.

I can't. I want her too much. Every part of her. Body, mind, heart and soul.

The Madman scoffed. _I very much doubt fucking her desperately on a couch in front of a porn-playing-flat-screen has very much to do with her mind, heart and soul, dickhead._

She pulled my hair again and a growl ripped through me as my hands fumbled at the front of her pants.

_Dear God, please don't let this be a test of my strength of character, 'cause if it is, I'm about to fail miserably._

I ripped open her pants just as her hands grasped the front of my jeans. She muttered a string of obscenities under her breath as she struggled to wrench open the buttons that were keeping Godzy in his denim prison.

Suddenly, we were both startled by a frantic banging on the door.

We both froze, and my cock twitched involuntarily as it pressed against her eager warmth. We looked at each other in panic.

"ALL RIGHT YOU TWO," Alice's voice bellowed from the other side of the door, "STEP AWAY FROM THE FREE PORN AND PUT YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN FUCKING SEE THEM!!"

We both immediately put our hands in the air, not even pausing to question the fact that the omnipotent-pixie obviously couldn't see us through the thick, not-at-all-transparent door.

We burst out laughing, hugging each other and grinding one final time as we realized how ridiculous we were, and of course how fucking close we were to...well...fucking.

"Thank God for Alice," I breathed as I smoothed Bella's hair away from her face, taking longer then I strictly needed to run my fingers through its slick softness and down her back. I reached down and carefully refastened her pants as her shallow breaths puffed sweet air across my face.

When I finished she exhaled loudly and dropped her head forward onto my shoulder. "Um...yeah. Thank God for Alice."

I stood up, setting her gently on her feet as we both grimaced and hastily adjusted our underwear.

"ARE YOU TWO GOING TO OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR OR AM I GOING TO HAVE TO BUST MY WAY IN WITH MY MACGYVER-ESQUE EXPLOSIVE SKILLS? I HAVE A STICK OF GUM AND A FLASK OF BOURBON – I COULD FUCKING DO IT!!"

We both laughed as Bella flicked off the flat-screen and I went to let in my stand-up comedian of a sister.

I pulled open the door and was promptly slammed into the wall as Alice pushed past me and strode into the living room. She sniffed the air suspiciously.

"Hmm...lust, innuendo, Best-Porn-Titles-Ever game, over-the-clothes groping. Not as bad as I thought. Color me impressed."

_How the hell does she DO that?_

She turned and looked at me. "I heard about the shit that Wilke tried to pull on you, big brother, and I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised at your response. When the fuck did you learn to think and speak at the same time?"

I rolled my eyes and flipped her the bird.

"He kept talking about this 'source' he had," Bella said. "Any idea who it could be?"

Alice shook her head. "It could be any number of people – someone from the hotel, or hospital, someone who overheard a conversation in a goddamn elevator – but whoever it is has a fucking big mouth 'cause I just found this in the lobby."

She threw a tabloid down on the coffee table. The headline read '_Edward Cullen close to breakdown? The troubled star resorts to counseling prior to the release of his new album_.'

"Oh, for fuck's sake," I breathed in frustration, running my hands through my hair.

"Hey," said Alice lightly, "It could be worse. At least they've stopped insisting that you and Rob have asked Angelina to surrogate your gay love child."

"True."

Alice turned to Bella. "Still, until we find out who the fuck is leaking this stuff, Bells, I need you to keep a close eye on who's hanging around when you guys are in public, and don't forget about hotel staff lurking – those fuckers can be stealthy as ninjas."

Bella nodded. "You got it."

"Right," Alice said decisively as she picked up the mag and started heading for the door. "You guys are due downstairs for the meet-and-greet in forty-five minutes. I'd suggest you both take a fucking shower and cool down. I can smell the unresolved sexual tension rolling of you from down the damn hall."

Bella and I looked quickly at each other. The familiar burn in my blood ignited again.

"Edward!" my tiny sister cried.

"What?!" I asked, dragging my eyes away from Bella's.

"Would you PLEASE stop sporting wood in front of me? My eyeballs are about to explode and dribble down my cheeks."

I crossed my hands over my crotch as Bella giggled quietly to herself.

"Shit. Sorry Alice."

Alice opened the door and turned back to us. "Bella, I'll be back in half an hour to check your hair and make-up and go over the plan for tonight. Be ready. Oh, and unless you two are super-keen to jump back into the sack before you can work out your issues, I'd suggest disconnecting the free porn, okay?"

She glared at both of us before pulling the door shut behind her.

As the latch clicked Bella burst out laughing.

I looked at her quizzically. "What the hell is so funny, missy?"

Her breath hitched as she tried to settle down. "Oh, Jesus, Edward, your face when Alice chastized you for sporting wood – fucking hilarious!" she giggle-snorted.

_How is it possible for one woman to be so damn sexy and adorable at the same time? It seriously boggles my mind. _

Watching her face come alive as she laughed made my heart swell up until I thought it would burst through my rib-cage. I loved this woman more than I've loved anything in my entire life. I needed her with me, and I needed to make this work. But first, I had to lay some ground-rules or else we were both in for some serious trouble.

I walked over to her, stopping inches away from her beautiful, giggling face.

"Oh, so you think my poor, uptight cock is funny, do you?" I asked seriously.

She sighed as she looked at my massively engorged crotch. I saw her swallow hard and I smiled to myself.

She licked her lips and continued to stare. "Um...well...I..ah...thought so at the time, but now....not so much."

I leaned down and whispered in her ear. "You enjoy sexually torturing me, don't you, Bella? You love seeing the absolute power you have over my body."

I heard her breathing pick up as a small shudder ran through her.

"Yes," she answered softly.

"Do you think it's fair that I have to masturbate every damn day to images of you because of how badly you affect me?"

Her eyes came up to mine. "Yes."

_Oh, shit. Keep it together Cullen. Show her you can hold your own. Crap. Forget I said that._

I brought my face down to hers, hovering just about her mouth, breathing her air into me, inhaling her scent, devouring her face with my eyes.

"Do I affect you in the same way?"

Her eyes fluttered slightly. "Yes."

My blood was pounding through me, screaming at me to take her, have her, love her. I ignored it. I had to.

"Do you masturbate to images of me, Bella?"

She clenched her jaw. "Yes."

"Do you touch yourself and imagine my cock inside you?"

She moaned and bit her bottom lip. "Yes."

"Do you say my name as you cum?"

Her eye blazed into mine, defiant but filled with longing. "Yes."

I looked at her mouth, lips parted slightly, sweet air washing over me.

"Good," I said quietly. "I suggest we both take some time now to relieve some of this...tension...that has been building inside of us all day, or I'm not going to be able to keep my hands off you for much longer. Agreed?"

Her eyes widened in understanding. "You're suggesting that I should...masturbate. Now?"

Jesus, just the thought of Bella touching herself nearly made me cum right then and there. I balled my fists at my sides to stop my hands from burying themselves in her hair and pulling her face to mine.

"Well, obviously not until I leave, but yeah - that's exactly what I'm suggesting," I rasped. "Perhaps if we _self_-fuck ourselves silly when we're apart, we can fight the overwhelming urge to fuck _each other_ silly when we're together. At least, that's my theory. What do you think?"

She nodded slightly. "At this point, I'm willing to give anything a go."

I smirked and exhaled. "That's what she said."

She looked at me and smiled and I suddenly forgot how to breath. Jesus, I had to get out of here – now- before I got lost in those eyes and didn't care if I was ever found again.

I turned and started walking towards the door.

"I'll meet you downstairs in forty-five minutes," I called over my shoulder, stretching my right hand in preparation for my impending five-finger workout.

I opened the door and looked back at her. Her cheeks were pink and from the direction of her gaze I knew she had been ogling my ass as I walked.

Fucking excellent.

I took one last mental shapshot of her outrageous hotness before sighing and begging, "Swan, please, for both our sakes – go fuck yourself."

I heard her gasp slightly as the door closed behind me.

***

**BPOV**

I collapsed back into my pillow, the aftershocks of pleasure shuddering through me as I sighed and closed my eyes.

Fucking hell. Three orgasms and I STILL couldn't stop getting aroused every time I thought about Edward in his room upstairs, stroking his ridiculously glorious cock and thinking about me.

The brief high of euphoria was quickly replaced by the limitless aching longing that I apparently

had no choice but to endure.

Goddammit!

I jumped off the bed and took a shower, the warm water relaxing all of my muscles, except the ones that counted. I quickly got dressed and applied the minimum amount of make-up that would prevent Alice from kicking my ass, and slumped down in the couch waiting for the miniature tornado that was my adorable and scary best friend to arrive.

I looked at the side of the couch where Edward had been sitting a short time ago. I leaned over and sniffed the back cushion.

_Oh, ok, stop right the fuck there! You are really losing it, you know that don't you?_

Oh, God, yes, I know. But he smells so good! It's like a drug to me. I look at him, and then I smell him, and then God forbid, I actually touch him and then Jesus Christ Almighty I just have to HAVE him, because NOT having him makes me physically hurt!!

_So, the fact that you're still dealing with your shit-ton of issues doesn't disturb you at all?_

Oh, Christ. Shut up. I haven't done anything about my pervy fantasies, have I?

_No. Not at all. Oh, unless you count giving him a foot-job. Hoor._

I hate you.

I sniffed the couch cushion again just to spite my inner bitch and crossed my legs.

Damn you, Cullen, and you super sexually-charged hotness. Damn you all to hell.

There was a knock at the door, and as I walked over and pulled it open Alice whooshed past me in a flurry of energy and shopping bags.

I groaned slightly.

"More clothes, Alice? Really? I still have stuff with the tags on that I haven't worn, for God's sake."

She dropped the bags on the coffee table and hugged me briefly.

"Not clothes, my fine sexually-frustrated friend," she said excitedly, bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet, "Something you're going to find, much, MUCH more useful at this point in your life."

She up-ended the bags and a staggering array of bright and shiny toys spilled across the table. It took me a few seconds to register what I was seeing, but then I'm pretty sure, as comprehension whacked me across the brain with a spiky two-by-four, that my eyes bugged out of my head like a goddamn Loony Tunes character on crack.

"Fuck me, Alice! Vibrators? Really?"

She giggled and grabbed my hand. "'Fuck you' is right, sweet thing, and yes, vibrators - really. I can see how damn uptight you are at the moment honey, and I KNOW that these little babies can help you relax. What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't try and take care of you, or at the very least give you the tools to take care of yourself?"

I snickered at her use of the word 'tool'. I couldn't not laugh at that strange little word. I would have thought she'd be used to it by now, but no, she glared at me.

"What?" I said innocently. "Tool is a REALLY funny word."

She pulled me down onto the couch with her and started pulling things out of the boxes.

"Ok, so what's your preference? Straight, bent, hard, soft, single penetration, double-penetration, super-powered clit-crunching appendages? What snaps your cracker?"

She looked at me expectantly as I eyeballed the staggering array of weird devices laid out in front of me. I didn't have the heart to tell her most of them looked like space-age torture devices and scared the hell out of me.

"Um...well..."

"Come on, Bells, you must know what sort of vibrator you like."

"Well...ah...you see, I've never actually...um....oh, God." I took a deep breath. "Alice, I've never actually used a vibrator before in my life."

I mumbled the last part into my hand in an effort to disguise the embarrassing admission.

Alice's mouth gaped briefly before she composed her face.

"Oh. Right. Of course you haven't. Not much call for vibrators when you're living on the streets is there? I'm such an idiot. Fuck, sorry Bells, I just assumed everyone has as much of an obsession with these awesome battery-operated fuck-buddies as I do."

I laughed. "Alice, I can pretty much say with some confidence that NO-ONE has as much of an obsession with these things as you do. And besides, didn't Jasper make you get rid of Substitute-Jasper?"

She blushed slightly. "Look, Bells, Substitute-Jasper got me through a lot of difficult times. There is no way on God's clean, lovely earth I could EVER throw him away. Besides, who would keep me company when I'm away from the warm fuck-hotness of the real Jas-cock?"

I gasped in horror. "Does Jas KNOW that you're carrying on behind his back with an inferior cock?"

She smiled evilly at me. "No he doesn't, and don't you DARE tell him, 'cause if he ever found out I'm pretty sure he'd retaliate by not doing that thing he does with the thing, and that thing rocks my world so damn much I'd probably die if he didn't do that thing anymore."

I giggled at her and shook my head. "Alice, I have no idea what you're talking about right now and I'm assuming I don't really want to know. Why don't you just get on with it and tell me about the vibrators."

She bounced slightly and clapped her hands together.

"Oh, ok! Yay! Now, I got a broad selection because I wasn't quite sure what you were into, but because you seem to like my brother, I didn't go for anything under nine inches. I hope that's ok."

I nodded as I picked up the one closest to me. "What the hell is this one all about?"

"Ooh, good eye Bells. This is the latest Wireless iVibe Rabbit with a realistically contoured shaft full of pleasure beads that rotate and whirl for intense vaginal stimulation. With four full rotations, seven different functions of vibration and an incredible twenty-eight combinations of vibration, rotation and pulsation at the push of a button, the new Wireless iVibe Rabbit is guaranteed to create waves of pleasure like no other. "

I gaped at her. "Did you memorize the sales pitch on the back of the box?"

"Um, yeah. Pretty much."

I pointed to an odd appendage poking out the side. "And what the hell is that?"

"It's a mini clit stimulator."

"Of course it is."

"But look, here's the best thing." She pulled out a small plastic rectangle. "It's remote controlled!!"

I frowned. "I don't understand how that's a good thing."

She sighed and looked at me patiently. "Bells, I don't understand how gravity works but I just accept that it rocks, okay? Have some faith."

I suppressed a giggle. "Fine. Next."

She held up a very pretty see-through vibrator next. "This one has lights!" she almost squealed.

I frowned. "Um...isn't that a bit pointless considering that you won't be able to see the lights when it's...um...being used?"

She looked at the dazzling, glittery shaft. "Oh. Yeah. Right. Silly idea really. I mean, who the hell would buy one of those, even if it did turn your bedroom into a tiny sparkly disco den when the lights are out? Not me, that's for sure."

I pointed to a pink swirly one that looked vaguely like it was made of ice-cream. "What about that one?"

"Oh, yes. Good eye honey. That's a deluxe ornate-ribbed design with a super-soft silicon skin. Multi-speed settings, waterproof, VERY fucking durable – and see those swirls on the head?" I nodded. "NOT just for decoration honey. Holy Jesus!"

"Alice," I said suspiciously, "You seem to know an awful lot about these things. Out of this selection that you've so carefully chosen for me – how many do you actually own?"

She blushed.

Jesus. I've NEVER seen her blush.

"Um...well see...the thing is...you KNOW I like to shop..and...well...there are these websites with pretty pictures and...um...."

"Alice?" I urged.

"Oh, crap, fine – all of them okay?! I own all of them!!"

My mouth dropped open as I surveyed the sheer volume of vibrators laid out on the table.

"Alice," I said, struggling to fine words, "You do realize that you only have one vagina, right?"

She huffed.

"Well, of course I know that, wise-ass, but my vagina happens to be very moody so I need to have a range of vibrators on hand to satisfy her fickle tastes! Now could we _please_ stop talking about my pussy-pumper addiction and get back to choosing something for _your_ moody vagina."

I sighed and rubbed my face. "Alice, I really appreciate that you've gone to all this trouble for me, but I don't think I need any of these - honestly."

She looked at me like I had just sprouted a third tit right in the middle of my forehead.

"Bella, there are a lot of things in his life that a woman doesn't need – cellulite, horizontal stripes, high-waisted leather-look hot-pants, just to name a few – but a good quality fuck-awesome vibrator? EVERY woman in the damn world NEEDS one of those. Please take my word on that."

I stood up. "Okay, fine, but can we talk about it later? We have to get downstairs now, and I don't think Edward would appreciate being left alone with a room full of Screamers just because his sister wanted to make sure his ex-girlfriend had the tools to effectively get herself off."

I giggled quietly to myself.

Alice joined me. "You just never get tired of the hilarity of the word 'tool' do you, honey?" she sighed.

I giggled again. "It's just such a funny word."

She grabbed my hand and dragged me out the door. "Come on, silly bitch. Let's go save my big brother from his pre-pubescent fans."

When the elevator doors opened outside the conference room, Edward was waiting for us, pacing nervously and biting his finger nails. I almost gasped as I took in his appearance – tight, black 'The Clash' t-shirt, fuck-hot leather jacket, combat boots, and a pair of jeans that hugged his junk so magnificently my girl-parts immediately coiled, ready to spring into action at a moment's notice.

Alice took one look at my face and smirked knowingly.

"Yeah," she said sarcastically. "You don't need any help, right? You're totally fine."

She looked back at Edward who was gaping as he noticed the fact I was wearing a tight, black mini-skirt, stiletto ankle boots and a low-cut blouse. The look of pure masculine lust on his face as he ogled me sent a massive thrill of excitement through me.

_Christ in a corn-field, this man is pure, unadulterated sex. Look at those goddamn eyes! How the HELL am I supposed to try to resist him?_

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Alice lamented as Edward and I stared intensely at each other. "This is going to be a long night."

She turned and started walking towards the conference room. "Give me five minutes to get the Screamers and Bree organized, and then I'll introduce you," she said over her shoulder.

I barely heard her. Edward's eyes were raking over me, setting everything he looked at on fire. I wanted to reach out and push my hands under his t-shirt so I could rake his abs with my fingernails. I wanted to rip open his button-fly jeans and grasp the masculine glory that was making his crotch bulge so deliciously. I wanted to wrap my fingers in his hair and pull his beautiful mouth down to mine and suck on his tantalizing tongue.

"Hey," he said softly, swallowing as he brought his eyes back up to my face.

"Hey yourself," I said in a voice that was way too fucking breathy to even pretend to be cool. "How are you feeling?"

His eyes blazed with green fire. "Pretty goddamn aroused if I'm going to be absolutely honest," he growled. "Did you get a look at yourself in the mirror before you left your room? What the fuck are you trying to do to me, woman?"

I laughed and took his hand, smoothing down his newly decimated cuticles.

"I actually meant are you feeling nervous about the Screamers, but hey, I appreciate the honesty. You don't look too bad yourself."

My heart started racing as he stepped into me, his chest rising and falling rapidly as I watched it with fascination.

"Bella," he said in a voice that could make nuns ovulate, "I think making myself cum over and over again to images of you is the stupidest fucking idea I've ever had, because as amazing as it was at the time, none of my fantasies can EVER compete with the real thing that's now standing in front of me."

My blood pounded in my veins, pulsing and waning as every inch of skin screamed out for him to touch me.

"Did you touch yourself after I left?" he asked softly, tracing a single finger down my cheek and onto my throat.

I nodded and swallowed hard, trying desperately to keep breathing.

"Did you make yourself cum?" he whispered, laying his fingertips against my pounding jugular.

"Yes."

He put his hand under my chin and tilted my head up to look at him.

"Do you feel better?" he rasped, his eyes searching mine.

The pulsing ache inside me expanded as his beautiful face hovered over mine.

"No."

I saw his jaw clench as he dropped his hand.

"Thank Christ," he sighed. "I'd hate to think I was the only one crawling out of their skin with desire."

I reached up and touched his lips with my fingers, unable to hold them back any more. His eyelids fluttered slightly and I gasped as his hot breath swept over me.

"You're not the only one," I whispered.

"EDWARD! BELLA! LET'S GO!" Alice bellowed from the conference room door.

We looked at each other and exhaled heavily, reluctantly turning towards the tiny loud person.

Edward put his hand on the small of my back as we walked over to her, moving it down slowly until it rested on the top of my ass. My body was blazing uncomfortably under his touch and I clenched my thighs together firmly to stop myself from squirming. I forced myself to concentrate on what Alice was saying rather than how Edward's fingers felt as they crept beneath the hem of my shirt and traced small fiery circles on my overheated skin.

"Edward, wait here for two minutes then come to the front of the room. I have a table set up for autographs and a background for photos. Don't freak out, I have security on stand-by. Bree's getting the screamers into a line and then we'll be ready, got it?"

Edward and I nodded mutely. I tried not to groan as his fingers grazed the top of my panties.

Alice rolled her eyes at me. "Jesus, Bella, get it together. You look like you're going to pass out."

She disappeared into the room, closing the door behind her and I turned around to Edward, batting his hand away from me.

"Okay, just stop. I need to think clearly for a second," I said breathlessly. "You know it's really goddamn hard to remember that I'm here to do a job when you touch me like that."

He exhaled heavily and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Shit. Sorry, Bella. I just...ah...Jesus, it just calms me down to touch you. Well...I mean it turns me on beyond all belief to touch you, but it also calms my anxiety. Do you know what I mean? Jesus, just thinking about walking into that room makes me want to tear my hair out, you know?"

His fingers went instinctively to his mouth, his teeth ready to nibble and tear. I grabbed his hand and pulled it away, lifting my shirt slightly and placing his warm palm on my bare stomach. I gasped as his eyes widened in surprise and his fingers move languorously across my sensitive skin.

"Oh, fuck, Bella," he groaned as he caressed me gently.

"Well," I said breathlessly, "I suppose it IS part of my job description to keep you calm, so I guess even if I can't think straight, I'm still fulfilling my purpose."

He sighed and closed his eyes as his fingers moved over my ribcage, briefly touching the side of my bra before gliding up and down my spine.

"I can't do this without you, Bella," he breathed. "I don't want to."

"I know," I said quietly, fighting the tremors that were pulsing beneath my skin. "That's why I'm here."

He opened his eyes and looked at me.

"Are you okay to go in there now?" I asked gently, not ready for him to stop touching me but knowing that he had to.

"Not quite," he growled as his eyes flashed brightly.

Suddenly his hand grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me forward, his other hand grasping my waist and crushing me along the length of his hard body. His lips came down onto mine, sucking at them hungrily as my mind and hormones struggled to comprehend what the hell was going on. His tongue swept across my lips and I instinctively opened my mouth, searching for his tongue desperately as he groaned and wrapped his fingers in my hair.

_Oh, my God. _

Everything inside me ignited - exploding, raging, blazing like napalm through a forest, incinerating my control, turning it to ash and blowing it around, clouding my logic as I wrapped myself around him, pleading for more but knowing I shouldn't.

His tongue plunged into my mouth and I groaned in pleasure as his smell and taste invaded me completely, swirling and dancing through my mind and body, filling it with everything I had ever wanted and needed. My hands moved across his chest and abs, reveling at the tight hardness they found, desperate to feel more - to taste his physical beauty with my fingers.

He pushed me up against the wall, grinding his body against mine, a feral snarl ripping out of him as his mouth found my neck.

"Oh, Christ, Bella..."

His mouth came back to mine and devoured it, our breathing rough and ragged, tongues and lips tasting and sucking each other hungrily...desperately...inevitably.

The passion that coursed through me was indescribable. He was everything I remembered and more - pure masculinity and gut-wrenching tenderness - stealing all his mistakes from my memory and replacing them with love.

He was perfection.

He was MY perfection.

He pulled back and looked at me, his breathing shallow and loud, as his fingers continued to move across my throat.

"Okay," he panted, stepping away from my quivering body and smoothing down his hair. "Now I'm ready to go in."

_Um...I'm sorry? What did he just say?_

He exhaled and moved towards the door.

"You're damn good at your job, Swan," he said as he placed his hand on the door handle. "I suddenly feel as cool as a cucumber. Shall we?"

He raised his eyebrow at me expectantly.

I looked at him incredulously, my heart thudding and beating erratically.

"You...kissed me...to calm yourself down?" I stammered.

He looked me dead in the eye and my breath stopped.

"Of course not," he breathed in a voice that turned my legs to jelly, "I kissed you because I couldn't fucking help myself. I kissed you because I needed to feel that you wanted me just as much as I wanted you, and I know that's goddamn selfish of me but hey, you should be used to that by now. I kissed you because you and I belong together and although I can wait to have all of you, I needed to have just one small part of you right now, because you have ALL of me ALL the time and not being able to touch you and show you how much you completely OWN me has been driving me absolutely fucking insane."

He panted roughly and gazed at me, a thick cord of intense longing stretching between us.

"That's why I kissed you, Bella," he said softly. "Being calm is just an added bonus."

"Oh," I mumbled as I stepped into the door frame.

I shuddered as he leaned down and whispered in my ear.

"I'm sorry I didn't ask permission. I'm not sorry it was the best fucking kiss of my existence. I'll try not to do it again - 'try' being the operative word - at least not until you ask me to."

I stepped through the door on unsteady legs and watched in awe as he strode confidently up onto the small stage, smiling and waving as the room erupted into applause and screaming.

I heard a strange noise and suddenly wondered why my hands hurt. I realized it was because I was clapping frantically while I yelled his name and whistled loudly.

Fuck me.

It had finally happened.

I had officially turned into a Screamer.

***

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**Author's Notes**

"**What the FUCK, Kiya? Could you let these kids hump already! Jesus Christ, woman, I'm dying here!"**

**Just thought I'd kick myself in the ass before y'all had a chance to. **

**Patience my eager pervs. All good sex cums to those who wait. I promise.**

**Please leave me a review. They're like free-porn to me.**

**See you next chapter,**

**Love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	27. Climbing the Walls

**Chapter Notes**

**To all my wonderful, beautiful, pervy h00rs on UU, Twilighted, Twitter & FFFW – I heart you all hard.**

**To my Goddess-Beta and friend, Catty-Wan – you're always there with your giant brain and hilarious ideas when I need you. You make me a better writer. I love you.**

**To my Twilight Beta & Validator Extraodinaire, Blondie – Thank you so much.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns all things Twilight. I own an enormous collection of costume jewellery that I may or may not occasionally arrange to look like a sparkle-peen. ***_**blush**_*****

**Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 27 - Climbing the Walls**

**BPOV**

I was in hell.

The sickening pounding in my head was only matched by the waves of nausea that crashed around my stomach, sending gusts of burning bile into my throat as I tried to fight the tide of homicidal rage boiling within me.

I looked over at Edward. He was smiling and laughing like he didn't have a care in the world.

Asshole.

How could he be so goddamn oblivious to my pain? How could he not be as close as I was to shoving my bread-knife through my eye-ball to end the gut-wrenching agony? How could he not notice that I hadn't spoken in nearly ten minutes because if I unclenched my jaw, I was sure to release the blood-curdling scream that had been building ever since we reached the hotel restaurant and _she_ started talking.

"Oh, God EC, when that radio interviewer started dissing your music and you, like, totes went along with him saying that your music was crap and people should totes just buy John Mayer's album instead, I almost spit my Diet Pepsi ALL OVER THE ROOM. You are so, like, totes funnier than Dane Cook! I mean, like, who DOES that? It's awesome!! And then that chicky on the morning show was sooooo acting like you were, like, Hugh Jackman or something, touching your arm and going, 'Oh, wow, your arms are really big. Do you work out?' and you're all 'Oh, yeah, sometimes', and she was all 'Oh don't be modest, I can tell you take care of yourself,' and you're like, 'Not really, my trainer is an overbearing asshole who enjoys physically torturing me', and you were like, sooooo nice, just smiling and laughing with her, when you MUST have been completely squicked out cause she was totes seriously old, like at LEAST thirty, and even I was getting squicked out watching it, although she's totes right, your biceps ROCK especially since Emmett has been making you pump iron, and I was thinking that maybe I could take some shirtless pics of you after lunch and send them to my girlfriend, you know the one who thought Mayer could take you in a fight, cause if she saw the how completely hot and ripped you are right now, she would, like, FREAK OUT."

Edward laughed and shook his head, casting a quick glance at me.

_If you fucking take your shirt off for her, Asstard I'm gonna strap you to a chair and make you listen to Miley Cyrus until your fucking ears bleed...and then I'll hit you with Yanni._

He frowned slightly at me before looking back at Bree and smiling.

"Uh, I don't think so Bree. Knowing my luck the minute someone takes a photo of me with my shirt off it will end up all over the net and the next thing you know, horny housewives will be downloading it and saving it to their desktops. I just don't think I'm ready for that level of exposure."

Bree giggled like a ten year old.

Jee-sus. The ONLY thing stopping me from reaching across the table and smacking her head into her garden salad was the fact that a large part of my brain was still obsessing over the mental image of Edward with his shirt off, and it refused to be diverted by my deep, spiritual need to hurt the excruciatingly annoying fuckwit who was YET AGAIN making eyes at MY FUCKING MAN!!

I huffed and speared a piece of tomato viciously, grunting in sick satisfaction as I saw the spurt of bright red that dramatically splattered across my lettuce.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Edward said mildly.

I'LL BE OKAY IF I CAN JUST FIND A FUCKING CORK LARGE ENOUGH TO SHOVE IN THE MOUTH OF LITTLE MISS FUCK-ME-BACKWARDS-WITH-A-BASEBALL-BAT-I'M-POSSIBLY-THE-MOST-ANNOYING-PERSON-ON-THE-FUCKING-PLANET THEREBY STOPPING THE VERBAL TORTURE THAT SEEMS TO SPEW FROM HER LIKE A GODDAMN BABBLING BROOK OF BANAL BULLSHIT!!!

I forced myself to attempt a half-assed smile.

"I'm just peachy, Edward, thank you for asking."

_Fuck, I deserve a goddamn daytime Emmy for that performance_

Edward raised an eyebrow at me, but didn't push it.

_Wise move, buster._

"OMG, Bella," Bree exclaimed theatrically. "You look TERRIBLE! Are you sure you're not, like, totes sick or dying or something?"

I glared at her.

I was about to open my mouth to slay her with the nuclear force of my verbal bitch-slap when I felt Edward's hand cover mine and squeeze it gently. I looked up at him and he frowned, shaking his head minutely.

I narrowed my eyes at him and bit my tongue, snatching my hand away and sighing heavily.

Fuck it.

I took a sip of water and desperately tried to calm down.

Jesus. I couldn't go on like this. I felt like a piece of string that was just getting stretched tighter and tighter and would inevitably snap.

I looked at the devastatingly attractive man across the table from me and fought back a snarl.

It was all HIS fault. HE was the reason I was feeling like I had been injected with a super-mutant dose of PMS and at any moment could turn green and explode out of my clothes crying "BELLA ANGRY...BELLA SMASH!!" at the top of my fucking lungs.

HE had kissed me.

Wait, that's not an adequate description.

He had rocked me to my very foundations with what can only be described as THE BEST KISS ever perpetrated on an ex-homeless girl by her former-and-perhaps-future-sex-god-rock-star-boyfriend who then proceeded to make the most incredibly fuckhot speech justifying aforementioned awesome kiss which in turn made the ex-homeless girl start to rebuild her faith in the bizarre concept that happiness and forever were in fact attainable luxury items in her world of abject poverty and that a happily-ever-after with her gorgeous and remarkable prince-charming-slash-soul-mate wasn't entirely out of the fucking question.

That had been five days ago.

He hasn't touched me since.

Well, I mean, he's touched me, but in a very platonic, safe, friendly way that has made my anxiety levels go through the fucking roof.

I KNOW he's trying to be sensitive and caring, and I KNOW that he's controlling himself because he thinks it's the right thing to do, but goddammit all to hell and back – it's driving me batshit fucking crazy and I need my smoochies!!!

And HE seems totally fine! HE's a cool as a fucking cucumber, and that drives me even MORE crazy!

I wouldn't mind it so much if we were both climbing the walls, but obviously Emmett has been helping him channel some sort of buddist/Jedi/Xen mojo-valium, because he's been as sweet and even-tempered as goddamn Mother Theresa and it seriously makes me want to put my fist through his serene fucking face!!

I looked around desperately, ignoring Edward and Bree as they laughed about something that was, without a fucking doubt, 'totes' hilarious.

I had to get out of here.

My frustration with Edward, coupled with Bree's staggeringly aggravating presence, was a recipe for disaster, because if I witnessed one more second of the blonde bimbo flirting outrageously with MY future-life-partner as he ignored my withering glares and ALLOWED her to touch his fucking arm for the KABILLIONTH TIME, I'm fairly certain one or both of them would end up wearing the Fettucine Marinara that had just been placed in front me.

"I gotta go," I said quickly, standing up and pushing my chair back.

"What? Why?" Edward said, looking at me with concern. "Your lunch has just arrived."

"Um...yeah. I'm not really hungry. Besides I have things to do. See you guys later," I muttered before turning and striding out of the restaurant.

"Bella!"

I ignored him and kept walking, taking in a deep breath and letting it out in a long, calming stream. Sort of.

Jesus.

Being here with Edward and NOT being able to touch him in the way I wanted, or claim him as my own, or beat bimbos to death who pushed their tits together and flicked their fucking hair while they giggled like a lunatic at every damn thing he said, was seriously messing with my emotional well-being. I hated it.

I ran my fingers though my hair as I tapped my foot impatiently, waiting for the elevator doors to open.

I had been meaning to spend some time with Emmett but the schedule for the past few days had been punishing. Alice had returned to L.A. two days ago and since then I not only had to oversee all publicity and promotional arrangements, I also had to fend off fall-out from the ever-present media leak, double-check all of Bree's work to make sure she hadn't fucked everything up, and stay as far away from Edward as I could so I didn't punch him in his irritatingly calm and beautiful face.

"Come on, elevator, you fucker," I breathed between clenched teeth, eager to get upstairs to the privacy of my room so I could either break something or finally try out one of the 'tension relievers' Alice had kindly left me.

Eventually the doors opened and I stomped inside, angrily punching my floor number and flopping against the wall.

I groaned as the doors closed slowly. I nearly peed my pants when a hand shot between them, forcing them open again.

Edward stepped into the car and frowned at me.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked forcefully, standing in front of me and crossing his arms across his stupid, recently-massively-muscled chest.

"Nothing," I spat like a petulant child.

"Don't give me that," he retaliated. "You've been tense and irritable for days now."

I scoffed.

"Oh, you noticed did you? What a fucking miracle. I thought for sure you couldn't see anything with your head that far up your own ass."

I punched the 'close door' button and the elevator started to move.

He laughed bitterly.

"Of course I fucking noticed," he said incredulously. "I've been giving you some time and space, hoping that you'd come and talk to me about it, but you seems as though you're hell-bent on torturing me with this passive-aggressive bullshit, and now it's really starting to piss me off."

"Passive-aggressive?" I huffed. "Jesus, Cullen you're starting to sound just like Emmett."

"Is that such a bad thing?" he demanded. "Maybe if you'd made some time to spend with Emmett you wouldn't be busting my balls right about now."

"I've been busy working, asshole, or has that escaped your notice?"

"I've noticed that you've avoided spending time alone with me, that's for fucking sure, and I don't understand what the hell I've done that's annoyed you so damn much, so why don't you just cut the goddamn attitude and tell me?"

I glared at him. He glared back at me.

Stupid, magnificent green eyes flecked with gold gazed down on me. Ridiculously beautiful full-soft lips pouted slightly, screaming at me to suck on them.

How dare he stand there and look at me like that and get me so damn hot I wanted to lick his entire face like a lollipop! What a fucking prick!

I saw his jaw clench and suppressed the urge to bite it.

The silence stretched between us until the elevator doors opened and I strode towards my room, trying to put as much distance between us as possible.

I yanked out my key card when I reached the door and spun around to face him. He was surprisingly close and my breath caught in my throat at his annoyingly arousing proximity.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" I demanded, ignoring my traitorous girl parts that obviously didn't get the memo we were officially putting a squelch-embargo on Edward Fucking-Sex-God Cullen.

"With you," he said, his voice low and surly.

"No way, Cullen," I said, barring the door with my body. "I have things to do."

"Like what?" he asked, stepping closer to me and bracing his arms against the door frame.

I struggled to think as his green eyes bore into mine.

"Um...stuff."

He shook his head and scoffed and I felt his breath wash across my face.

"Well," he breathed, eyeing my lips, "I'm going to predict that your all-important 'stuff' can wait for a few minutes. We need to talk. Now open the fucking door."

I turned back and shoved the key-card into the lock, thrusting the door open and stomping into the living room, panting roughly as I felt the heat from his body even as I walked away.

"Why are you so damn angry, Bella?" he asked, following behind me.

I threw the key-card down onto the coffee table and rubbed my face.

"I don't know."

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as I felt him stand behind me.

"I don't believe that."

I sighed heavily.

"I don't really care what you believe, Edward."

Suddenly he grabbed my shoulders and spun me around, his eyes blazing with frustration.

"Christ, Bella, I just wish you'd fucking talk to me!"

I met his intensity with my own.

"I have nothing to say!"

He laughed sarcastically.

"Swan, I cannot remember a time when you didn't have SOMETHING to say, whether I wanted to hear it or not, so stop throwing excuses at me and just fucking spit it out!"

"I don't know HOW to talk to you anymore, Cullen!" I yelled louder than I intended.

He blinked a few times as his face crumpled in confusion.

"Why the hell not? You used to tell me everything, right from when we first met, before any of this shit happened between us! Before we were lovers, when we were still just friends. Why can't you just talk to me how you used to?"

"Because we're not friends, Edward!" I cried, "OR lovers! We're in some sort of fucking relationship limbo at the moment and I have no idea where we stand with each other anymore or how to act around you, because whenever you're near me you fill my head with so many conflicting emotions I feel fucking sea-sick, and you kissed me five days ago and then you acted like it didn't happen, and you sit there and laugh and smile as fucking Bree practically dry-humps your leg, and all I want is for things to be right and normal between us again, but with every passing day I wonder if that's ever going to happen because I'm just so damn angry all the time, especially at YOU, and I have no fucking idea why, and because of that I feel like each day I lose a little bit more of you, and I've already lost you once and I don't think I could live through losing you again, so part of me thinks that perhaps I made a huge mistake coming here when obviously neither of us was ready for it, and maybe I'm better off leaving now while my heart is still in relatively large pieces rather than risk it getting shattered all over again once this whole situation goes completely ass-up which I have no fucking doubt it will!!"

I glared at him, panting, fighting back the asshole tears that threatened to spill out of me as I watched his face change from anger to pain to horror and back to anger in the space of three seconds.

"Are you finished?" he asked, his jaw clenching slightly.

I nodded, focusing on his furrowed brows so I wouldn't have to look into his fiery eyes.

"So, you obviously got over the notion that you didn't know how to talk to me, huh?" he said stiffly.

I lifted my chin defiantly and crossed my arms.

"Apparently so."

"Fuck, Bella," he whispered, shaking his head in disbelief. "Do you really believe I would hurt you again?"

I swallowed hard, my teeth clamping down against the frustration and confusion trying to claw their way out of me.

"Part of me does, Edward. I'm sorry."

He nodded slightly.

"And you're jealous of Bree?"

"Bree wants to fuck you, Edward. I know it, you know it and she knows it, and it drives me fucking nuts."

"And you think I've forgotten about our kiss?"

I swallowed as he took a step forward, his body tight and anxious in front of me.

"It certainly seems that way."

He looked down at me and I knew he was struggling to stay in control. My heart thudded nervously in my chest.

"And you don't think we're friends?"

His eyes locked on mine and the air froze in my lungs.

"I _know_ we're not friends, Edward, I just don't know how to describe what we are at the moment."

His eyes fixated on my mouth and his lips parted slightly. I could see the rise and fall of his chest as he closed his eyes and exhaled loudly.

I watched in fascination as his lips started to move noiselessly.

"Edward?"

He held up his hand, silencing me.

He breathed in and out a few times before opening his eyes and looking at me with so much raw hunger my breath caught in my throat.

"Well, that didn't fucking work," he mumbled angrily.

I looked at him in confusion.

"What?"

He closed his eyes again and rubbed his face with his hands.

"It's a technique Emmett taught me to use when I feel my control slipping."

"Oh," I said carefully. "Um...are you angry with me?"

His eyes snapped open and the force of his gaze nearly knocked me on my ass.

His voice breathed out of him like a dark, smoky hand, ghosting across my skin and setting it ablaze.

"Well, if being angry with you means I have a desperate, pathological need to rip all your clothes off, bend you over the back of that couch and fuck you hard and repeatedly until all of your insecurities about us attach themselves to the screams of pleasure that rip out of your fucking delicious body, leaving you with no doubt AT ALL that you and I are destined to be together no matter how unlikely it may seem at the moment, then yes - I'm angry with you Bella. And if you think for one second that I have forgotten about that unbelievable kiss the other day, then you're fucking insane, because that's the ONLY thing I've been able to think about, and the fact that it was so staggeringly goddamn perfect has spurred me on to try harder than ever to be the man you deserve to love you, so THAT'S why I've resisted the CONSTANT urges I've had to sexually molest you, because I want to prove to you that what I feel for you is profound and sublime and so much MORE than just a perpetually hard cock in my pants, so I'm sorry if it seemed like the kiss meant nothing to me, because in reality, that kiss meant everything, and I fully aim to emulate it in the very near future, but first we need to sort out what the fuck is going on with you because if you continue to be bitchy as all hell and glare at me with those fucking hot sex-eyes of yours, my control is going to snap like a desiccated twig and before you know it you'll be screaming my name as I thrust into you, over and over again, and then you won't be unable to stand up for a goddamn week because when I finally get access to your glorious body again, I fully intend to make it explode with an obscenely large number of mind-blowing orgasms!"

He stared at me, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his fists clenching and opening rhythmically at his side, his jaw set and hard.

I struggled to calm the storm of conflicting emotions that was raging inside me long enough to form a coherent sentence.

"Oh," I said, meekly.

"Yeah," he rasped, swallowing hard. "Fucking, 'oh'."

My eyes moved down his body and came to rest on his huge erection. He moaned softly under my gaze and I'm pretty sure I moaned right back.

_Fuck you, Edward, for making me feel like this! I'm throbbing so damn hard it hurts._

"Do you have any idea how irritatingly sexy you are when you rant like that?" I demanded roughly, vaguely aware that I was actually talking to his crotch. "I can safely say I have never been so fucking irate and so incredibly aroused in my whole life!"

I dragged my eyes back up to his furious face.

"Likewise," he growled, his body straining under the chains of his control. The aching chasm inside me clenched strongly as I registered his taut muscles staining against the tight fabric of his t-shirt.

My fists clenched involuntarily.

"I want to punch you in the mouth and then lick it better," I seethed.

His eyes darkened.

"I want to let you."

I took a tentative step forward. Edward's hand flew up in front of him.

"No. Stop," he said, closing his eyes and covering them with his hands. "Jesus Christ, Bella," he groaned, "Please, stay exactly where the fuck you are because if you take even one more step towards me right now, there are going to be consequences that neither one of us is ready for."

My heart thundered around my chest as my blood galloped through my veins.

I couldn't think straight.

I couldn't stop the all-encompassing desire that was blasting through my body.

I couldn't help what came out of my mouth next.

"Jesus, Edward, I want you so much," I groaned softly.

His eyes snapped to mine.

"Bella," he murmured, his face contorting with strain, "You can't say shit like that. You have no idea what it does to me."

I took a small step forward.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it. Not being able to touch you has turned me into a crazy person."

His hands gripped his hair and his chin dropped down as he grimaced.

"Bella...please."

"I want to feel you filling me up, taking away this God-awful ache I've had inside me ever since you left," I pleaded, reaching out and stroking his face with my fingers.

His head fell back, his eyes closed and a whimpering sigh breathed over my face.

"You don't know how much I want to, Bella...God, so fucking much."

I traced the rough beauty of his jaw, trailing my fingers down his throat until my hand rested on the hard planes of his chest, his pecs rising and falling rapidly, panting under my trembling touch. I brought my other hand up, letting it explore his glorious muscles, travelling over his chest and abs, slowly drifing further south as I held my breath and watched Edward's face contort in a symphony of pain and pleasure.

His body tensed and a low rumble rolled out of his chest.

Before I knew what was happening, his eyes snapped open and he grabbed me, lifting me up effortlessly and throwing me roughly over his shoulder.

"Edward! What the hell?"

He strode out of my suite and slammed open the door leading to the stairs, scaling them two at a time as if he was being chased by the devil. For a moment I thought back to the chain-smoker who couldn't run away from a group of teenage girls without wheezing and coughing. Now here he was running up the stairs with me over his shoulder and he wasn't even breaking a sweat. Even that was too fucking hot for words.

I slapped his back in frustration.

"Cullen! Where are you taking me?"

"To Emmett," he spat. "I've been keeping a lid on how I feel about you all week, but I'm about to fucking snap and I really don't want that to happen. Now shut the hell up before you say something else that makes me want to fuck you senseless."

He burst out of the stairwell, striding down the hallway to Emmett's suite and banging on the door loudly.

Emmett answered quickly and looked us up and down.

"Okay. This looks kinky. I was wondering when you two were finally going to crack. What the fuck's going on, kids?" he asked with a smirk as he motioned for us to come in.

Edward carried me into the living room and plonked me roughly on my feet. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him.

"I need you to stop me from fucking Bella," he panted breathlessly, pacing up and down in front of the man-mountain.

Emmett raised his eyebrows. "Um...okay. If you put your cock anywhere near Bella I'll cut it off? How's that working for you?"

Edward stopped and screwed up his face.

"Nope. Not good enough. I still want to fuck her."

"Jesus, Cullen," I lamented loudly, "PLEASE stop saying you want to fuck me. Giney can hear you for God's sake and she's petitioning to get a conjugal visit with Godzy on account of his good behavior!"

"Alright, you two, just calm the fuck down," Emmett ordered. "Edward! You're acting like I've taught you fucking nothing! Stay still and just breathe for Christ's sake."

He turned to look at me. "And Bella. Stop talking about your and Edward's genitals like they're separate fucking entities with minds of their own. That concept scares the living shit out of me."

Edward closed his eyes, a loud hiss of breath squeezing out between his teeth.

"Emmett," he groaned urgently, staring at me like I was an all-you-can-eat buffet. "I need some help here."

Emmett nodded quickly. "Ah, ok...um...Bea Arthur in a bikini..."

Edward winced.

"...um...Donald Trump naked..."

Edward grunted.

"...me fucking Rpattz while screaming your name."

Edward gagged.

"Oh, fuck," he gurgled, "Yep, there's the wood melter right there."

He opened his eyes and sighed, running his fingers through his hair and looking up at Emmett.

"That's fucking disgusting by the way, man."

Emmett grinned.

"Just trying to help you out, bro...and don't you dare fucking start about the ridiculous man-crush again or I'll stick my thumbs through your eye-sockets and use your head as a goddamn bowling ball. Oh, that reminds me..."

His face lit up and he grabbed Edward and me by the hands, dragging us forcefully over to his computer on the dining room table. "I need to show you guys this. It's totally freaking me out."

On the computer screen was a huge close up of Rob's face, his blue eyes incredibly intense.

"Look at this," Emmett said excitedly, walking back and forth in front of the screen. "Isn't that amazing?"

He looked at Edward and me expectantly.

We looked at each other in confusion.

"Ah...what exactly are we supposed to be seeing?" Edward asked, perplexed.

Emmett huffed and pointed at the screen.

"His eyes, dumb-ass. His eyes watch me wherever I go! How bizarre is that?"

Edward stared at him in disbelief.

"Em, we seriously need to get you laid. By a woman. I mean, you tell me not to start about the man-crush, but the fact that you're acting like a thirteen year-old fan-girl is making it really fucking difficult."

Emmett frowned, a tiny flicker of hurt passing across his face.

"What? You don't see his eyes following you?"

He glanced back at the screen and sighed before turning back to us and frowning.

"Ah, you guys suck."

He reached out and hit the mouse button, shutting down the picture.

Edward leaned forward and examined the folder icon that sat in the middle of the screen.

"Robporn?"

He looked up at Emmett in confusion.

"What the fuck is Robporn, big guy?"

Emmett laughed nervously and slammed his laptop shut.

"I have no dea. Soooo, Rhianna, you want to fuck your Bella-ella-ella, huh? Let's talk about that."

He quickly ushered us back over to the couch.

Edward and I sat next to each other, carefully keeping our bodies as far away from one another as possible. Emmett sat in the armchair opposite us and steepled his fingers in front of his face.

"Okay, so, what's going on with you two? Edward?"

Edward sighed.

"I've been trying really fucking hard to do everything you taught me, Em – keeping my hands to myself, meditating to focus on achieving my goals, trying to keep things platonic between Bella and me. But EVERY time I go near her my body explodes with lust, and then today..."

He looked at me quickly and my face burned with a furious blush.

"...today she went off like a fucking volcano and for some sick, perverted reason, my cock turned to stone and started issuing demands about being buried inside her, and all I could think about was how fucking good and right it would feel, and then she started touching me and oh, sweet Jesus, I nearly caved to the cock-monster's desires, but thankfully, I managed to drag her up here before I lost it completely and fucked her ten ways from Sunday, but believe me when I say, it wasn't goddamn easy."

Emmett nodded in understanding.

"You've made huge strides forward in your progress, Tinkerbell," he admitted. "Not to get all emo on your precious ass, but I'm fucking proud of you. Really. The old Edward would have just taken what he wanted from that situation without any regard for how much it might screw things up. The fact that you went all Caveward and practically dragged Bella up here by her hair is slightly disturbing, but your intentions were honorable so I'll forgo the compulsory ass-kicking. Well done."

Edward suppressed a ridiculously dorky grin.

Jesus, he looked like he was two and his Dad had just patted him on the head for finally learning to do all his dookies in the potty.

Putz.

"And Bella? What about you?"

Emmett's voice startled me and I realized I was glaring at Dookie-Boy and sneering.

I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to breathe.

"I don't know what the hell is going on with me recently, Emmett. I've been climbing the damn walls with anger and frustration, and no matter what Edward does or how butt-suckingly nice he is to me, I still have an overwhelming desire to punch him and fuck him simultaneously."

Edward moaned slightly.

Emmett glared at him.

"Would you get a grip, you pervy fuck?" he growled before turning back to me. "So, Bella, do you think that you're still harboring resentment toward Edward for leaving you?"

I sighed heavily.

"Jesus, I don't know...probably. I just have this huge cauldron of emotions boiling inside me and I feel like I want to scream and break things, and I don't know where the hell it's coming from or how long it's going to last, but I do know that I fucking hate it because it's preventing me from working things out with the one person I WANT to trust most in this world but obviously don't."

Emmett raised his eyebrow at me and let out a low whistle. "Damn, girl, you really know how to rant, don't you?" he said appreciatively.

Edward laughed. "Oh, you have NO idea."

I glared at him. He sat back in his seat and looked sheepish.

"So, Bella," Emmett said, drawing my gaze back to him and away from my annoying bronze-haired chuckle-head, "what other reasons could there be for your anger, do you think?"

I frowned. "Ah...well, I'm pretty damn angry that Bree has made it her mission in life to eye-fuck my man every chance she gets," I ventured.

Edward cracked a heart-rendingly beautiful smile.

"_Your_ man?" he breathed softly. "Damn, that sounds good. Say it again."

"Shut the fuck up, Cullen," I spat, "I don't enjoy being jealous. In fact, I fucking despise it, and you don't help matters AT ALL by letting that Chatty-Ho-Bag touch you all the damn time."

He nodded slightly. "I see what you're saying, and although I love the fact that you're jealous more than is probably healthy," he said simply, turning the full force of his spell-binding eyes on me and melting my acidic anger, "...you have absolutely no reason to be jealous, you know that, right? I'm yours, Bella. I've been yours ever since I ran down that alley and pilfered your blanket. I've been yours from the moment I looked into your eyes and felt forever and fate and all that other bullshit I never believed existed before I met you. I'm yours and only yours. Always."

Emmett cleared his throat, his eyes bright and moist.

"Alright, Danielle Steele, stop trying to make me fucking cry. I've already done that this morning watching Extreme Makeover and it does absolutely nothing for my macho and manly image." He turned back to me. "Bella, tell me about how you felt when Edward left you. I know your were hurt, but can you tell me why?"

I thought about it for a minute.

Christ, just thinking back to the day when Edward said that he didn't want me caused a squirming agony to bloom inside of me, opening up cracks and crevices in my soul that blazed with fresh intensity over old scars.

"I felt...betrayed," I admitted softly. "He told me that nothing I did in my past mattered to him, but as soon as he heard about all the gory details, he bailed on me."

"Bella," he countered gently, "I didn't leave because of that."

"I didn't know that at the time."

Emmett leaned forward. "But you know that now, right? You know that Edward didn't leave because of you? Why do you think you're still so angry at him?"

I looked at the man beside me and searched my feelings. He met my gaze with quiet fascination and a lump the size of Canada formed in my throat.

"Bella?" Edward prompted gently. "Please, tell me...so I can try to make it up to you."

I looked at the beautiful face that had caused me so much pain, and suddenly I felt a wave of comprehension wash over me like a tsunami. I had to look away while my chest hitched and clenched in pain.

_Oh, God. I'm drowning. _

My brain threw up years of betrayal and pain and humiliation and sadness, and my heart convulsed violently with every new emotion.

"Bella?"

Edward's voice sounded concerned but far away.

I tried to look at him but I couldn't find him. I was alone.

Isolated and alone.

Again.

"You didn't choose me," I whispered breathlessly.

I heard Emmett hiss.

"Bella, just keep breathing, you're doing great," he encouraged, "Go on."

I looked up into Edward's frowning face.

"You had two paths before you – one that kept me with you, and one that sent me away, and you chose to send me away. I thought I knew you...knew how you felt about me...and I was sure, without a doubt that you'd choose me, but you didn't...just like _she_ didn't choose me."

I whimpered as the coarse emotions chaffed and burned me from the inside. "I thought you would be the one person to always love me, no matter what...just like _she_ should have loved me no matter what...but I was too damaged...too flawed. I tried so fucking hard to be good enough for you both, but I wasn't and so you left me and I had no-one...."

My chest constricted and the air rasping into my lungs was hard and heavy, dragging years of sickening loneliness and unworthiness to the surface.

Edward made a low groaning sound in his chest as he pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me, drawing me into his warmth and his absolute regret.

"Oh, fuck, Bella...sweetheart. Jesus, I didn't even think about your mother. Christ, I'm such a goddamn clueless prick. I should have known better. Your mother should have known better. You deserve everything...EVERYTHING...and we....fucking hell....we gave you nothing."

He stroked my face, his warm skin calming the storm that was crackling inside me.

"I'll never leave you again," he whispered against my ear, his voice soothing and sure. "I promise you that nothing will ever drag me from your side again. You're everything to me, Bella...you're my whole fucking world. I nearly died leaving you the first time and there is nothing short of death that will ever part us again."

I barely made a sound as the tears came. His arms and chest and smell engulfed me as the worst parts of me oozed out with my silent sobs. I hated that he left me, but I didn't hate him. I could never hate him, but because what he did was sickeningly similar to my mother's heinous actions, I had painted him so heavily with a familiar layer of animosity that I couldn't separate the two.

I should have known better.

He was nothing like her.

I felt the soft pads of his fingers whisper across my cheeks as he brushed away the salty evidence of my darkest insecurities. His scent wafted into me with every hitching breath, replacing the stench of my mother's betrayal.

_He_ loved me.

I could feel it in every murmured apology...in every tortured breath. He was mine and I was his and whatever else the universe tried to throw at us, that truth was constant and undeniable.

The tears slowed as his lips found my forehead, soft and reverent, kissing and covering me with silent promises.

"I'm here," he breathed into the hollow places left vacant by my anger. "I'm here and I'll never leave you again. I choose you, Bella. Now and always – I choose you."

I looked up at him, his eyes brimming and sorrowful.

"I choose you too."

His hands framed my face as his face crumpled with emotion. He brought his lips down to mine and we both gasped as our warm breath mingled and washed away the stain of the past few weeks. His mouth found mine, soft and yielding, grateful and blessed. Our lips spoke to each other, moving softly against one another – gently - content and languorous, unhurried by fickle hormones.

He pulled back and stroked my cheeks with his thumbs. "I love you, Piss-Girl," he said gently, a small smile lifting the corner of his mouth.

"Jesus, Cullen," I said, breathing through his paralyzing gaze, "I smell like piss _once_ and now I'm never going to live it down?"

I laughed softly.

His face studied mine intensely as his fingers memorized my joy.

"Do you want me to stop calling you that?"

I ran my hands through his hair and his eyes drifted closed, supreme contentment settling on his spectacular features.

"No," I whispered. "I'll always be your Piss-Girl and you'll always be my Asstard. I wouldn't have it any other way."

I reached up and kissed him again, my fingers trailing across his jaw and tracing down his throat as his tongue found mine - muted sighs falling from both of us into the soft silence.

"I love you, Edward," I breathed as I pulled away, my heart filling to capacity and overflowing as his teary smile overwhelmed me, bathing me in his love.

I was whole again. The gaping ache inside me was filled, satiated by Edward's hands and lips and heart.

We stared at each other, reacquainting ourselves with the feeling of being together – finally...inevitably.

We were startled when we heard a loud sob break the hush.

"Oh, God," Emmett cried, wiping his giant bear-tears on his sleeve. "This is why I do what I do – for moments like these. To see two soul-mates reunited with their other half is so damn satisfying it hurts. Shit, it's just so fucking beautiful."

He sobbed loudly and Edward and I went to comfort him. He gripped us both desperately in a bone-crunching hug, shaking with the force of his tears.

Finally he pulled out a handkerchief and wiped his streaming nose and eyes.

"Well, you two," he said, his voice thick with emotion, "you just made some major fucking breakthroughs in this relationship of yours. How do you feel?"

Edward looked at me and smiled.

"Amazing," he said taking my hand, his thumb sweeping across my grateful skin.

"Bella?" Emmett urged.

I looked down. "I feel...like, perhaps, against all odds...I deserve a happy ending," I whispered, exhilarated and terrified to finally say it.

Edward lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed it tenderly, brushing his soft lips over my Cinderella-skin, looking for all the world like the perfect Prince Charming.

"Bella," Emmett said as he sniffled, "You are a remarkable woman. To have suffered as much as you have in your short life and still be so emotionally aware is a massive goddamn achievement."

He took my hands in his and looked at me seriously. "But you know you're going to have to confront the situation with your mother one day, don't you?"

A boiling nausea rolled through my stomach. I nodded silently, knowing he was right, but unwilling to taint the perfection of my reunion with Edward by thinking about my failure of a mother.

"Edward," Emmett said, wrapping a tree-trunk arm around his shoulders, "we still have some work to do my friend, but damn – you have come so far it's hard to even remember that angry little fucker I had the displeasure of meeting two weeks ago." He bent down and whispered in his ear. "By the way, any time you want to lay the whole, 'Holy Jesus, Emmett, I'm sorry I ever doubted you - you are indeed a legendary and righteous motherfucker' on me, I'm ready for it. Just sayin'."

Edward laughed and took my hand, leading me toward the door.

"Ah, yeah, Em....I'll get right on that."

He stopped as Emmett held the door open for us.

"Thanks big guy," he said warmly as he shook Emmett's hand, "...for everything."

Emmett smiled. "Yeah, yeah. Don't kiss my ass too much, sweet-cheeks. You still have a training session with me at eight o'clock in the morning. Don't be late or I'll make you bench press my awesome bod – again."

Edward shuddered slightly and scowled at him. "Don't even joke about that, dick-head," he warned. "That's not fucking funny."

Emmett's rumbling laughter ricocheted off the deserted hallway.

"Get out of here, you pussy," he chortled. "I'll see you kids tomorrow."

Edward and I waved and made our way back downstairs to my room, our hands talking while our words stayed silent.

I opened the door and led him inside, relief flooding through me as it swung closed behind him.

"Bella," he said softly as he pulled me into his arms, his eyes worshipping my face. "God, you are so beautiful."

His fingers whispered across my cheek, trailing gentle fire over my eager lips.

He bent down and kissed me, his lips soft and hesitant, searching mine gently, asking permission for each murmured caress.

"I've missed this so much," I said, kissing him back. "Edward, your lips...God I love your lips."

He moaned and his tongue swept out, suckling my bottom lip slightly as my mouth opened, drawing him into me as I breathed his warm air. A twisting sigh drained out of me as his skin caressed mine, ripping out the seeds of frustration and ire that I had been cultivating since he left me, drawing out the dark shadows of doubt and leaving me glowing and golden, spectacular in the light of his perfect love.

We kissed passionately, lips and tongues and hands and hearts tangling and caressing each other, seeking comfort and home after too long apart.

"Bella," he said breathlessly, sweeping my knees out from underneath me and cradling me to his chest. "I need to see your bedroom. Now."

I kissed him fiercely, tugging roughly on his hair as he groaned and strode into the bedroom.

"Okay, but you know there's no TV in here, right?" I panted, wrenching my mouth away from his. "We're probably going to have to find other ways to occupy our time."

His eyes darkened and blazed as he kicked the door shut behind us.

"Fuck, yes."

***

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**Aaaand, fade to black.**

_***Kiya ducks as her readers start throwing things at her***_

**OW, shit! Settle down, you guys. Would I do that to you?**

***Large amounts of rotten fruit hits Kiya in the head* **

**Oh, fucking hell! STOP IT, bitches! Sheesh! **

**So, what's going to happen behind that bedroom door? Will Giney and Godzy finally be reunited? **

**Hmmm...you'll have to wait and find out.**

**Don't hate me....**

**Love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	28. Let's Talk About Sex

**Chapter Notes**

**Hello beautiful readers,**

**Well I knew I shouldn't have tempted fate by bragging about my regular updates, because now my work-life has exploded and I'm going to have to resort to updating every two weeks, unless, of course, someone wants to pay me lots of money to write this stuff in which case I'll give up my day-job and become a full-time fic h00r. Many apologies folks but I simply don't have enough hours in the day to run a household, earn a living and write eight to ten thousand words of smutty hilarity. I blame time, and one day soon, I look forward to kicking time's ass.**

**Huge boobie gropes go out to all my beautiful girls on UU, Twitter, Twilighted Forum and FFFW.**

**To my Beta-Goddess, Catty-Wan – Your continued patience with me and my on-going vendetta against punctuation is remarkable, and to be commended. Plus you make me laugh every damn day, and you have a rockin' ass.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilighted. I own Asstard and Pissgirl, and right about now, they fucking love me.**

**Enjoy.**

**Chapter 28 – Let's Talk About Sex.**

"Fuck yes," Edward growled as he kicked the door closed and threw me down on the bed. He gazed down at me with such raw longing that all the muscles which usually allowed me to breathe, completely lost the fucking plot and passed out.

"Bella," he said, raking his eyes over my body as every part of me started to smolder and burn, "Do you have any idea how many times I've had to pleasure myself to images of you over the past week just to stop myself from fucking you senseless every damn time I laid eyes on you?"

I panted softly, doing a quick calculation in my head.

"Um...I'd guestimate somewhere around forty?"

He blinked at me.

"Well, shit. Pretty accurate guess, Swan. Forty-two, actually."

The image of Edward hand-fucking himself forty-two times blasted through my imagination like sexual napalm and an aching warmth bloomed between my legs.

"Oh, wow," I rasped, swallowing hard, "That is so fucking hot."

"No," he said smoothly as he crawled on top of me, settling his pelvis between my parted legs, and reaching down so he could palm my grateful pussy, "_That_ is so fucking hot."

_God, he feels so good._

"Well, Cullen, when you're right, you're right."

"Hell, yeah."

He wrapped his hands in my hair as he kissed me hard, his tongue working magic on my body as I clung to him fiercely. I wrapped my legs around his waist, running my hands over the taut muscles of his back, moaning in satisfaction as his erection pressed against me.

"Bella," he groaned as his mouth suckled at my neck, "how did I survive without this, without you? I feel like I've been drowning without you and now I can finally breathe."

My thighs squeezed his hips as I tried desperately to get closer, writhing underneath his delicious weight. He responded and ground into me harder, attacking my lips again and groaning into my mouth.

Jesus H Christ. This man was the epitome of sex - long lean muscles flexing under my fingers, the world's most talented mouth spreading moist heat across my throat, white-hot sex-fingers stroking and tugging my hair as his massive erection pulsated and pressed into my over-excited girl-parts.

He just oozed sex. He breathed it, from the devastating angle of his spectacular jaw, to the staggering intensity of his incredible eyes.

I needed him so completely it made my head spin.

Suddenly he flipped onto his back, pulling me over to straddle him.

"Have I told you recently how indecently sexy you are, Cullen?" I breathed.

He reached up and pulled my mouth down to his, sucking my tongue roughly as my blood blasted through my veins.

"You might have mentioned something about that," he smirked breathlessly, running his hands up and down my inner thighs, causing me to shudder and moan.

I looked down at him and ran my hands across his chest. His eyes closed and he hummed in satisfaction as I trailed down his abs and lifted the hem of his t-shirt, slipping my hands underneath to brush the soft trail of hair above his belt.

_Oh, God. Edward's happy trail. So fucking sexy._

His head pushed back into the bed slightly as his hips pushed up into me.

"Oh...Jesus...Bella. Yes. Put your hands on me...please."

_Well, since you asked so nicely, my personal fuck-hot sex-God, I'd be delighted to put my hands on you._

With trembling fingers I pushed his t-shirt up to his chest, grazing my palms against his warm skin as his fists clenched at his side. He quickly grabbed it and pulled it over his head, revealing his incredible new physique.

I lost all control over my brain.

"Oh....that's...just....you're...Jesus....wow."

He laughed and I watched in hypnotic fascination as his abs contracted.

"Breathe, baby," he teased, reaching out and taking my hands, "You can't drive me crazy with your magic fingers if you pass out."

His eyes locked onto mine as he pressed my hands onto his chest, both of us gasping slightly at the intensity of the contact. I swallowed hard as I felt the firm muscles expand under my palms.

His head dropped back as my hands started moving, brushing tantalizing finger-kisses over his balmy, soft skin.

"Oh...dear...God...that feels so fucking good it should be illegal, Swan," he groaned thickly.

I couldn't answer him. I was too engrossed with the way his body shuddered and trembled under my touch, and how a cavalcade of pleasure meandered across his glorious face.

"Oh, Jesus, Edward," I exclaimed indelicately as my hungry hands raked over his bulging muscles. "You are the most magnificent fucking man to ever walk the earth."

He looked up at me and smiled one of his devastating Edward smiles.

"You're not too bad yourself, Swan. Wanna be my girlfriend?"

I leaned down and kissed him, sucking his tongue hungrily and rejoicing when he groaned and sucked back, the most delicious murmurs of pleasure echoing in his chest as his hands gripped the belt-loops of my jeans tightly.

I pushed my hands roughly through his hair as he gently rocked underneath me, and I suddenly had the overwhelming need to contact Disneyland and tell them to change their slogan, because without a doubt, right here, straddling Edward Man-God Cullen while his glorious cock ground into me and my hands memorized the wonder of his half-naked body, there was absolutely no question in my mind that THIS was the happiest place on earth.

I pulled back breathlessly. "Girlfriend you say? Hmmm. I suppose I could agree to that," I shrugged.

He fisted the front of my shirt and pulled me back to his mouth, hot and demanding.

"Well, that's just fucking awesome," he said, panting, his hands splayed across my scalp, rubbing circles in my hair.

"By the way," I huffed, pointing to his unbelievable body, "This? This right here? NEVER to be covered up again. Seriously. I'm going to take all your shirts and shred them, because this fuckhotness NEEDS to be on display, okay?"

"Quid pro quo, Swan," he said grabbing my shirt and ripping it open.

I gasped as the air hit my chest. Edward's abs contracted under my hands as he exhaled strongly, his eyes focused intently on my lace-clad breasts.

"For the love of all that is holy, Swan," he said softly, a look of awe and wonder on his beautiful face, "I'd forgotten how truly spectacular your tits were."

His hands lifted slowly, cupping the weight of my breasts reverently, his thumbs lightly grazing over my nipples as my back arched involuntarily, pushing myself further into him.

"Jesus, Bella," he groaned as his fingers worked magic on my body, "I don't think you fully understand what you do to me. Everything about you arouses me. Your face, your body, your mind, your soul – everything. It's like someone plucked every fantasy I've ever had right out of my head and molded them into you. You're astonishing."

Suddenly, it was like the floodgates of our restraint exploded. We descended on each other, a tangle of hands and skin and tongues and fire - our panting, grinding bodies rolling over each other desperately, pressing and throbbing as our frenzied moans filled the air.

I gripped Edward's hair and pulled it roughly.

"Oh, FUCK!" he cried as he flipped me over onto my back, pushing his knee between my legs and attacking my throat as I ground myself against his thigh. My arms and legs wrapped around his flexing muscles and sweat-slicked skin, grasping and desperate, ravenous for sensation and passion.

His mouth found mine again and everything I had been holding back and pushing down, all of the anxiety and worry, was evaporated by his sweet air and probing tongue.

I groaned and squirmed underneath him as his denim-clad pelvis rubbed against mine in excruciating circles, white flashes of pleasure shooting through me with every pass.

I shoved at his chest, forcing him onto his back and then I pushed myself down onto him, throwing my head back and groaning his name.

"Godammit, Edward," I said breathlessly running my hands over his pecs and abs compulsively, "I need you...now."

I grabbed his belt and tugged at it frantically, frustrated beyond words that it was standing between me and the mouth-watering erection I so desperately needed inside me.

"Bella, wait."

My hands kept pulling.

_What did he just say? It sounded vaguely like 'wait' but that's not fucking possible because we've been insane with lust for each other for fucking weeks now and there's no way in the world that Godzy wasn't just as desperate to come out and play as I was to play with him._

"Wait, Bella, please," he said, and my eyes snapped to his as his hands closed over mine and stilled them.

I panted roughly, looking at his face and then back down at the tantalizing bulge beneath my fingers.

"Why?" I asked, struggling to channel enough blood back into my brain to enable logical thought.

He grabbed one of my hands and pushed it down onto the bulge, running it up and down the rock-hard length beneath the fabric.

"Can you feel that?" he groaned, searching my face as my body shuddered with sensory overload. "Bella, I've never been so damn hard in my entire life as I am right now. That's what you do to me."

He dragged my hands up his torso and pressed them over his heart.

"But this," he said softly, gently stroking the backs of my hands. "This is what needs you right now, no matter how much my body tells me otherwise."

I frowned at him in confusion.

"Edward...you...don't want to have sex?"

He looked at me with dark eyes, his broad chest heaving heavily beneath my hands.

"No."

A blood curdling scream echoed inside me.

Giney was not happy.

"I don't understand," I said, a rush of bewilderment coursing through me.

Edward sat up, cradling me in his lap as he kissed me gently.

"Bella, I've made some stupid choices in my life. Choices that have hurt myself and other people, and most of those choices happened because I listened to my body, and not my heart. Well, tonight, I'm listening to my heart."

He kissed me again and pushed my hair away from my face. I sighed into his mouth as his thumbs brushed over my cheeks, his soft lips cooling the raging lack of reason that was trying to overtake me.

"I don't want to have sex with you because I want our first time together, after being apart for so long, to be about so much more than just sex. I want it to be beautiful and spectacular and I want to do it in such a way that you'll never doubt my love and commitment to you again. I want it to be a fucking magnificent night you'll never forget for as long as you live. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

I ran my fingertips across his furrowed brows, smoothing them out before trailing them down across his lips. His warm air hushed over my hands as he looked at me expectantly.

"I understand," I said gently. "And the fact that you want to do something like that makes me love you even more, despite the fact that Giney wants to hire someone to murder you horribly."

I kissed him again, lips and tongues moving over each other, sweet and unhurried, my blasting hormones giving way to calming contentment.

"Can you at least tell me when this magical love-making marathon will occur?" I asked, playfully.

He put his arms behind his head and leaned back, cocking his head to the side.

"Well, obviously the sooner the better," he said with a smirk, "otherwise my massively engorged cock is likely to explode and kill us all."

I laughed and pushed him down onto the bed, snuggling into his chest and breathing in his delectable Edward-scent as he wrapped his sculpted arms around me.

"You realize I'm going to New York tomorrow, don't you?" I asked, gently trailing my fingertips across his torso, "We won't see each other for two days."

"I know," he sighed, stroking my back, "and I think that's the worst fucking idea I've ever heard. Why the hell can't Bree go to New York and you stay here with me?"

"Because, sweetie, Bree's the Queen of the fuckwits and I don't think your record company would want her, like, totes sitting in on the album launch briefing, cause it'd be so, like, unbelievably boring and stuff, and then she might, like, open her embarrassingly clueless mouth and start, like, talking, and then they'd have to, you know, like totes murder her painfully and melt her lifeless bod with acid. Like, you know?"

My head jiggled as a throaty chuckle shook his chest. "Wow, baby, you sounded just like her. Stop it, you're turning me on."

"Arrgh!!"

I slapped his stupid muscles and dug my fingers into his ribs as he giggled and squirmed, finally distracting me by grabbing me roughly and kissing me until I couldn't see straight.

"You should teach a class on how to kiss," I panted.

"You taught me everything I know," he replied.

"God, we're so fucking sweet I think I'm getting a cavity."

He laughed, "I'll still love you when you're a toothless freak."

We both giggled and lay back down, facing each other and entwining our hands. His fingers ghosted over mine, creating feathery tingles across my skin.

I gazed at him – his perfect face, his incredible body, his magnificent heart - trying to ignore the smoldering lust inside me that was threatening to reignite.

"Are you sure I can't change your mind about having...the sex?" I said raising an eyebrow.

He laughed. "I'm absolutely fucking positive that you could change my mind, Swan, but I'm really hoping you won't."

I sighed dramatically. "Oh, alright then. I promise to behave."

I reached out and touched his face gently, "But if I'm giving up having your stunning cock inside me tonight, I'm going to need something in return."

His eyes blazed with dark lust.

"Ok, first of all, any further talk of my cock being inside you will truly fucking negate the deal we just made about you NOT trying to change my mind, and secondly...um...oh..." His face crumpled in concentration, "Shit. Just the thought of my cock inside you has completely derailed my train of thought."

I slapped his bicep lightly, "Christ, Cullen, you are SUCH a perv!"

"Hey!" he said defensively, "You're the one who started the cock conversation, sweetheart, so don't blame me if the thought of plunging my aching hardness into your tight warmth gets me a little fucking hot and bothered."

I giggled and leaned over, lightly flicking his nipple with my fingernail.

He bucked like I'd stuck a cattle prod up his ass.

"FUCKING HELL, BELLA!" he roared, glaring at me with black eyes, his jaw and fists clenching compulsively, "Would you fucking STOP!" He exhaled loudly and glared at me. "You are pure evil, woman, has anyone ever told you that?"

I tried to stop giggling and failed miserably.

"Yeah, keep on laughing, little girl. I'll have my revenge on you one day soon, you mark my fucking words."

I sighed and composed my face, nodding seriously. "Yes, Mr. Cullen, you sexy beast. Now, would you like to get back to the point? You were saying something about, 'secondly'...?"

He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, silently calming himself down. I was pretty damn impressed with how good he was getting at it too, because when his eyes opened they were bright and clear, and he said, "Oh, right. Secondly, exactly what is it that you are going to need in compensation for the lack of my cock?"

I sighed and looked at him.

God, he was beautiful, in every sense of the word.

He was my everything - my friend...my lover. Thinking about him going up to his room tonight when I'd just gotten him back gave me sick chills.

I leaned over and pressed my lips to his, suckling them softly before pulling back slightly to look into his face.

"Would you stay with me tonight? Here, in my bed? So I can go to sleep listening to the sound of your heart and wake-up with your arms around me?"

I watched as he took a deep breath and swallowed hard. His hand reached out and cupped my face, his eyes soft and loving and bright with emotion.

"Wild horses couldn't drag me away from you tonight," he whispered.

***

The next morning I woke up to find myself staring into Edward's intense green eyes. He was lying on his side watching me, leaning on his elbow, his hand cradling his head, a massive bicep bulging into my line of vision and really fucking distracting me.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said, smiling, leaning over and kissing me softly on the lips.

_God, please don't let my breath smell like rotten eggs._

I smiled back self-consciously.

"Morning, handsome."

His eyes raked over my body and I suddenly remembered I was in my underwear, and apparently I'd kicked all of the covers off in the middle of the night.

Awesome.

"How long have you been watching me?" I asked nervously.

"Not long," he said lightly, brushing a piece of stray hair away from my face, "Three, maybe four hours."

I laughed as he kissed me again, his fingers lightly trailing up the side of my body and causing me to shudder.

"I could get used to waking up to this sight every morning, Swan," he said, looking down at my barely covered body before dragging his rapidly darkening eyes back up to my face.

I glanced at his body.

_Holy mother of edible physiques._

He was naked except for black boxer briefs and judging by the alarmingly large bulge quietly staring me in the face, Godzy was well and truly awake too.

"Well," I said lightly, "You're not too bad yourself, I suppose. Although, you might want to work on your body. You've got a really weird growth poking out of it."

An evil glint flashed in his eyes before he snarled and pushed me back on the bed, hovering above me, his arms on either side of my shoulders and his legs between mine. He straightened his arms and raised himself up on his toes, his legs straight and strong.

"I need to work out, huh?" he teased, lowering himself down to my face then pushing himself back up.

"Do you know that before I started working out with Emmett, I could barely manage twenty push-ups?" He lowered himself down again, pressing his erection briefly into me, and then lifting himself back up.

I swallowed as his beautiful face came down to mine.

"Um...how many can you do now?"

"A fuckload more than twenty," he smirked, pushing himself back up, his voice weaving through the lace of my panties and causing me to squirm and stifle a moan.

He pressed down again, his hardness hitting me right where I needed it to. I whimpered and tried to rub against him but he was gone.

"What's the matter, baby?" he asked innocently, pushing down again and making me insane, then pushing back up again. "You look a little flushed."

"I'm fine," I warbled, my eyes practically rolling back in my head from both the extraordinary vision of Edward, muscular and magnificent, hovering above me doing push-ups, and the incredible jolt of coiling pleasure I got every time his incredible hardness connected with me.

"I'm just thinking how glad I am that we're not giving in to the unbelievable sexual tension currently driving us both crazy, thereby preventing us from plundering each other's bodies until we can't walk. It's all kinds of awesome," I said breathlessly, my hands and eyes unable to stay away from the glory of his chest any longer. I gasped as I felt his pecs tense and release as he pushed up and down.

"Swan, am I detecting a hint of sarcasm there? Are you reconsidering?" he asked, suddenly stilling above me, a frown creasing his face.

Giney bellowed in frustration as I sighed and answered, "No. As much as my body is protesting, I want to wait just as much as you do."

Edward's face relaxed, and he looked down at me with relief and love.

"Good. I really want to make it special for us," he whispered, settling between my legs and trailing warm kisses across my chest, "I want to show you how much I love you."

I wrapped my arms around him, biting him gently on the shoulder as his mouth found my neck. We moaned in unison.

"I have to go," he murmured against my skin. "I have to meet Emmett downstairs in the gym in twenty-minutes."

"No," I breathed, running my tongue along the shell of his ear, "He can't have you. You're mine."

He groaned.

"Swan, I can safely say that you saying those two words is the sexiest thing I have ever heard," he said, grinding himself down as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

He kissed me, moaning into my mouth as his hands wrapped themselves in my hair, tugging gently as his tongue sent erotic messages to my rapidly overheating lady-parts.

Just as I was about to make a liar out of myself and rip Edward's boxers off with my teeth, he leapt off the bed and started getting dressed.

"Sorry beautiful, gotta to. If I'm late, Emmett will do cruel and unnatural things to me. Well, more cruel and unnatural things, if that's fucking possible.

He pulled on his jeans and shirt, and started on his shoes. All his pretty muscles were now hidden.

I _may_ have slapped the bed in frustration like a tantrum-throwing two-year-old.

Edward looked at me and laughed.

"Baby, you have to get ready for your flight anyway. Will you come down to the gym and say goodbye before you go?"

I crossed my arms over my chest petulantly and poked out my bottom lip.

"I suppose," I said grudgingly, "But you'd better not be wearing a fucking shirt when I get there or I'm gonna be pissed."

He leaned across the bed and kissed me. "You're so fucking sexy when you get angry," he said.

I ogled his awesome ass as he walked away until it disappeared from view.

***

An hour later I walked into the hotel gym, vaguely disturbed by the yelling I could hear.

"Come on, you fucking pussy, put some backbone into it!! Harder! Harder! FUCKING PUSH HARDER, BITCH!!"

I came around the corner to find Edward lying on a press bench, grunting and straining under the weight of a huge barbell as Emmett stood over him, bellowing abuse. Bree was standing nearby holding a bottle of water and a towel, ogling Edward's shirtless, sweating bod with such blatant lust I had to suppress the urge to snarl at her and scratch her fucking eyes out.

She glanced up at me and sneered

"IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT, PRETTY BOY?" Emmett spat. "You're giving up when you only have FIVE REPS TO GO? Christ what a GODDAMN GUTLESS WONDER!! FUCKING HELL, BAMBI, as far as I'm concerned you can just STAY THERE with that thing threatening to choke you ALL DAY LONG until you find the balls to finish the set, cause I'M NOT PROPPING IT 'TIL YOU DO!!!"

Edward's arms were trembling as he tried to push the massive weight off his chest. He pushed it up slightly, every muscle tensing and straining, before collapsing back down and yelling in frustration.

"Emmett, you asshole!" he bellowed. "I can't fucking lift it, okay? I'm done. Would you PLEASE help me before I have a goddamn aneurysm?"

Emmett looked up at me and waved.

"Hey, gorgeous," he said, smiling warmly. "You might want to look away. Your boyfriend is growing a vagina as we speak and I don't think you'll be interested in him anymore when he becomes a complete girl, unless of course you're into that, in which case I'm going to need a detailed history of past exploits with photographic evidence to support it."

I laughed, "Emmett, if I'd been into girls you would already know about it because I would have hit on you the first time you swooned over Rob."

He scowled.

"Oh, ha ha, Ellen," he said, before lowering his voice slightly and saying, "But Rob's filming in New York at the moment, right? Do you think we'll catch up with him while we're there?"

He looked at me a little too eagerly as he waited for my reply.

"Um...yeah...maybe," I said unsure of how Edward would react to the idea even though I really missed the crazy Brit.

Emmett punched the air slightly.

"Yes!"

I smirked at him and he composed himself slightly. "Does he know that you're back with the girly-man here?" he asked warily, ignoring the fact that Edward was grunting and desperately trying to maneuvre the barbell so he could give him the finger.

I was startled when I heard the sound of a chuckling gerbil. I soon realized it was Bree, laughing.

"Emmett, you're so funny. Edward and Bella are totes NOT together. In fact, Bella has been, like, a complete bitch-hound to him all week. That's probs why he totes dumped her in the first place. Duh!"

_Holy fuck-balls. _

I had to clench my fists stop myself from reaching out and thumping her in her collagen-enhanced mouth.

"Actually, Bree," I said, summoning the patience of Ghandi, "Edward and I are back together."

Bree turned bright red and spluttered like a two-stroke engine.

"What? Like, when the muff did that happen?"

"Yesterday," I replied, resisting the urge to do The Happy Dance of Gloating and yelling "SUCK IT, BITCH!" over and over again.

Bree's mouth gaped open and she looked between Edward and me rapidly as if she was trying to blur the truth.

"Ah...guys," Edward wheezed, "Can someone please get this fucking thing off of me? I can't breathe."

Bree ignored him.

"But Edward still has, like, squillions of issues to work through. How is he going to do that if he has to like, totes carry your emotional baggage?"

_Jesus Christ, this girl seriously has a fucking death wish._

"Bree," I said doing the best impersonation of 'calm' ever attempted by someone teetering dangerously on the edge of a psychotic rage, "Firstly, you have no idea about Edward's issues or my 'emotional baggage', so shut the fuck up. Secondly, it would be awesome if you would spend less time worrying about Edward and me, and more time doing your job, because it absolutely boggles my fucking mind to know that as soon as Edward takes off his shirt, you're all over him like stink on shit, but when he steps into an interview or public appearance and he might actually NEED you, you turn into fucking Harry Houdini."

I could feel the crazy start to creep in my voice and I desperately tried to dial it down.

"Now, I'm going to the airport to fly to New York shortly and I'm pretty fucking certain that you haven't finalized my accommodation or transport, even though you were supposed to do it two days ago. So if it's not too much trouble, could you kindly get the fuck out of here and make some phone calls, or have you decided to block out your entire morning to standing there and eye-fucking MY man?"

She glared at me viciously before stomping over to me and thrusting the water bottle and towel into my hands.

"I wasn't JUST eye-fucking him, Bella," she spat acidly, "I was totes holding his stuff for him too. But you probs don't think it's uber-important to take care of YOUR man, do you, _girlfriend_?"

She spat the last word out like it was a decomposing rat, and stormed out of the gym as fast as her six-inch Jimmy Choos could manage.

That infuriating bimbo had it coming to her one day real soon, and slap me sideways if I wasn't the person who was going to fucking give it to her.

Emmett laughed. "Well, damn it all to hell. I thought for sure you two were going to get into a no-holds-barred, hair-pulling, possibly-naked mud-wrestling smack-down. Now I'm bummed....and slightly aroused."

I sighed as I heard Edward whimper softly.

"Guys? Please. Everything's going dark..."

Emmett rolled his eyes.

"Fucking man-up, Fairy-Bread. Just push that fucking bar up, finish your five reps and then I'll give you a break."

Edward grunted. "Emmett, I'm not fucking kidding around here. I can't move it, okay?"

"I don't want to hear the fucking words 'I can't' come out of your mouth, ass-nugget!!" he roared. "You've done incredible things with your body and mind over the past few weeks and it sure as shit didn't happen by whimpering "I can't" like a sex-obsessed MILF told to step away from fucking Twitter! You can damn-well do it and you will! Now, fucking PUSH!"

Edward strained. The sinews in his neck pushed out alarmingly, his face was red and laced with pounding veins.

"ARRRGH!"

He collapsed again and Emmett groaned in frustration.

"Alright, butt-monkey, now I'm bringing out the big-assed motivational guns so listen up – give me five reps right the fuck now, and I'll let you have ten minutes of alone-time to molest the crap out of your sweet-assed woman before I continue to pound your body into dust – deal?"

Edward sucked in a huge lungful of air, his abs contracting tightly as his biceps bulged with the strain.

"Come on, baby," I pleaded, ogling the flexing glory of his ripped torso. "I won't see you for two days and I NEED to be molested."

"Oh, fuck, woman," he growled as I noticed the definite tightening of his shorts.

He pushed hard and the bar exploded above his head.

"ONE....TWO....THREE...FOUR....FIVE!" he roared as he completed the heavy reps in record time.

He practically threw the barbell back in its cradle before bursting off the bench and grabbing my hand, dragging me into the locker room and yelling, "See ya!" over his shoulder while Em tried to wipe the look of shock and satisfaction off his face.

***

Twelve hours later I collapsed onto the bed in my New York hotel room and replayed the cluster-fuck of events that had plunged me into hell since leaving Edward this morning.

It all started when I reached the airport.

I had forgotten that my carry-on bag contained a pervert's paradise of goddamn sex-toys in the form of Alice's battery-operated fuck-buddies, until a security guard asked me to open my bag for an inspection.

A hot flush crept up my neck as I processed what he had just asked me.

"Um...open it? As in, unzip it and, like, open it? Um...is that really necessary?"

The large, thick-necked guard looked at me impassively.

"Yes, ma'am. It's necessary. Please open the bag."

I sputtered and stalled. "Why this bag? I mean, look at me – I'm small and harmless, unless your name is Bree in which case I want to head-butt you, but come on, obviously you're name's not Bree and obviously I'm not a terrorist..."

He narrowed his eyes. "Ma'am, I suggest you stop talking and open this bag before you say something that makes me decide you also need a body-cavity search."

I swallowed. "Oh, ok. Well, when you put it like that - sure."

I unzipped the bag and watched in horror as he poked through the contents. When he lifted up my clothes to reveal the plethora of vibrators, I heard him whisper, "Whoa."

He glanced up at me and then back down to the vibes, a look of wonder and awe spreading across his face. I sighed and shook my head.

_Alice, I am going to fucking kill you next time I see you._

He cleared his throat and carefully closed the bag, handing it back to me politely.

"By the way," he said quietly, leaning in conspiratorially, "My boyfriend bought me the purple one last week. It's awesome!" He giggled and gave me two thumbs up.

I returned the gesture and walked away from my giggling vibrator-twin, absolutely fucking positive there was an asshole somewhere nearby with a hidden camera, pissing his pants with laughter and blogging about the hilarity of my mortification.

Fuck it.

When I touched down in New York, I discovered that not only had Bree neglected to organize a car for me, she had also been a vindictive-bitch-devil from hell when choosing my accommodation, booking me into a rundown shit-hole of a hotel that smelled strongly of vomit and jizz. Of course she then refused to answer her phone, denying me the satisfaction of giving her a verbal bitch-slapping of epic proportions.

I thought briefly about calling Alice because there was no fucking way she would let Bree get away with the bullshit that she was currently trying to pull, but I knew Alice was currently holed up with Jasper somewhere, probably comatose with pleasure, and I didn't want to deny her that just so I could tell tales about the bitchy kid in the playground.

I would handle Bree, and when I did, she would curse the day she ever fucked with me.

I was really starting to hate that little cow.

I tried to call Edward but I knew he was in interviews for the afternoon and so consoled myself by leaving him a super-pornographic voice-mail message that would be sure to give him a raging hard-on with the half-life of plutonium.

Then I realized that he would probably be with Bree when he listened to his messages and so left another message forbidding him to listen to the previous message while he was still in groping distance of the horny skank-monster. THEN I realized that he wouldn't get my second message until he'd already listened to the first one, so left a _third_ message asking him to overlook what a silly bitch I was and begging him to still love me.

Christ, I was SUCH a loser.

The marketing meeting at the record company was fine. Long and boring, but fine. To be honest I spent most of the meeting ogling the front cover of the sample CD they had given me, and playing out various sexual fantasies involving rock-star Edward and the massive conference table I was sitting at. There may have been squelching.

By the time the meeting was finished I was so damned turned on I called Edward's cell-phone again just to hear his voice-mail message.

I was surprised as all hell when he actually answered.

"You are a fucking evil woman, Swan, do you realize that?" he demanded angrily as he answered.

_Okay, that's not the warm and fuzzy reception I was expecting from my recently former ex-boyfriend._

"What? Why?"

He laughed bitterly. "Oh, you KNOW why, baby! A certain voice-mail message in which you described all the things you want to do to my naked body with YOUR MOUTH!? Ring any fucking bells?"

I giggled. "Oh. That. I take it you found it...um...stimulating?"

I heard a door slam and when he spoke again it was slightly strained.

"Stimulating? STIMULATING? Fucking hell, Bella, my dick almost exploded right before I had to go into an autograph signing! I was surrounded by teenagers and gay men, and my fucking cock tried to bust out of my jeans and say hello TO THEM ALL! I was fucking mortified!"

I bit my lip to stop myself laughing again, "Oh, Edward. I'm sorry, baby."

He scoffed.

"You are not fucking sorry, Swan, I can hear you trying not to laugh! Well, I'm so glad my erectile discomfort is so fucking amusing to you. THE FIRST PEOPLE IN LINE WERE A TWELVE YEAR-OLD AND HER FUCKING GRANDMOTHER!! The woman looked like she was alive when fire was discovered!! She could have DIED from shock, Swan! My cock could have KILLED HER! It would have been 'death by cock-shock'! We both could have been scarred for fucking LIFE because of you!!"

He huffed and it sounded like he sat down.

"Where are you?" I asked, still trying to tamp down the bubbling laughter while I crawled into a cab and murmured the hotel address to the driver.

"I'm at the TV station waiting to do my final interview of the day, nursing a fucking painful erection thanks to your staggeringly hot words - you unbelievable cock-teasing hussy!" He sighed in frustration, "Where the fuck are you?!"

_God, I have no idea why, but grumpy, angry, horny Edward was fucking hot._

I squirmed on the slippery vinyl seat. "I'm in a cab, heading back to my hotel."

"Oh, really?" he said, a mischievous edge creeping into his voice.

I heard a rustling sound and warning bells started ringing in my brain. Asstard was up to no good, I could feel it in my bones.

"What are you doing, Edward?" I asked, warily.

"Oh, nothing," he said as he sighed, "Just relieving a bit of the fucking tension you've inflicted upon my poor, aching cock."

_Oh. My. God._

"I've just wrapped my fingers around him, and oh, Bella, it feels so fucking good."

I started hyperventilating. All my saliva dried up, and my brain stepped out to touch itself inappropriately while my body burst into flames.

"Bella? Are you still there?"

"Uh...yah...'m heer."

He chuckled and let out a deep sigh. "That's good, baby, cause I'd hate for you to miss out on what I'm about to do to myself."

I could hear his breathing start to pick up, and tiny moans spilled out of the phone, creeping across my body and shamelessly molesting my girl-parts.

I groaned loudly and turned bright red as the large, unshaven cabbie looked at me suspiciously in the rear-view mirror.

"Edward!" I whispered frantically, "Don't you DARE get me all flustered in the back of a cab. It's wrong on so many levels!! I could slip right off this fucking seat and severely injure myself!!"

"Oh, Bella," he moaned, "Yes. Be angry with me, baby. Jesus, if it's fucking possible my dick just got even harder."

I slammed my head back against the seat and squeezed my eyes shut. Unfortunately, that just made things worse. Suddenly I could picture Edward's beautiful right hand gripping his huge erection, stroking it smoothly up and down his glorious length.

"Ungh, Bella," he rasped, "Can you imagine what I'm doing to myself?"

_Oh, dear sweet pink and chubby baby Jesus, help me not explode with unreleased lust and mortifying embarrassment._

"No," I squeaked, pressing my thighs together and cursing the fact I'd chosen to wear a skirt.

"Oh, really? You can't imagine how my hand is currently stroking my incredibly hard length?" he panted. "Well, in that case, would you like me to describe my self-pleasure in graphic fucking detail, Miss Swan?"

_Oh, God, please no. I can't cope with hearing about that. I'll spontaneously combust and scare the poor immigrant in the front seat._

"Yes please," I answered, horrified that Giney had finally found a way to speak with my mouth.

I heard him moan and suddenly my sense of shame went and hid behind the mass of rolling desire that was rumbling through my brain.

"Every time I grip my shaft, Bella," he said breathlessly, "I imagine it's your fingers, grasping me, sliding firmly up to my head and then twisting slightly before pulling back down. I can't describe to you how amazing your hands feel on my body. It's like they're coated in pure pleasure and when you touch me, my body just fucking sings."

His breathing picked up.

"I'm getting faster now...squeezing harder. I'm visualizing you, on top of me, impaling yourself on every aching inch of me, your head thrown back in ecstasy, your eyes dark and desperate as you lift up and plunge back down, dragging us both toward our crashing orgasms."

_Oh...fuck._

My walls clenched violently as they desperately searched for Edward's imaginary cock - pulsing and aching in disappointment as they found nothing there. I gritted my teeth to stop a strangled groan tumbling out of my mouth.

"Your face is so fucking beautiful when I'm inside you, Bella. It makes my heart clench in my chest, and just thinking about it makes it hard to even breathe."

"God, yes, Edward," I moaned, "You feel so damn good inside me, it's insane."

I had pretty much given up on getting out of this cab without the driver thinking I was a major psycho-pervert. Might as well go with it.

"Oh, Jesus....I'm so close, Bella...I can feel my orgasm building...God, yes...almost there.."

"We're there, Miss."

_Not yet we're fucking not, but give me another two minutes..._

"Miss?"

My eyes snapped open to see the cab driver gesturing to the hotel he'd just pulled up in front of.

"Ugh...right, um...can you just go around the block a couple of times please?"

"But Miss, we're..."

"JUST FUCKING DRIVE, WOULD YOU?" I screamed, thrusting the phone back to my ear.

The cab screeched away from the curb as I closed my eyes and lowered myself back down onto Edward's imaginary cock.

"Edward?"

I could hear him panting.

"Tell me what you're doing now."

"Oh...fuck, Bella...now I'm thrusting into you...you're on your back, and I'm looking down on your beautiful face and suckling your nipples as I thrust into you, hard and deep. I can feel you starting to tighten around me. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ you feel amazing, baby....so damn tight, gripping at me, squeezing my cock, making me dizzy with pleasure...

I felt my insides tighten, mimicking his words, feeling what he was describing, aching for release.

"Oh, God, Edward, yes...."

"Bella...tell me to cum...please. I need to hear it. Fucking say it. Out loud."

"Oh, fuck, yes, Edward. Cum. I want you to cum hard, please, for me."

I heard him grunt and imagined the indescribably magnificent expression he always wore as his ecstasy overtook him.

Suddenly a pulsing wave bloomed inside me, making me gasp in surprise as my walls undulated and released spasmodically, blasting pleasure through me like a cannon.

"OH, JESUS!" I yelled, vaguely aware that the cab driver nearly hit the roof in surprise.

"Yes, Bella," Edward panted, his voice dark and heavy with satisfaction. "God, I would give anything to see your face right now. You're beyond stunning when you cum."

I panted roughly, echoing the breaths I could hear from Edward as the cab finished its circuit and stopped again in front of the hotel.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I laughed as my thundering heart and ragged breathing started to wane. "Well, if your plan was to embarrass me in a public place, then you absolutely fucking succeeded, Cullen."

"Excellent," he laughed, and I could totally imagine the shit-eating grin he was no doubt now wearing. "That will teach you to taunt Godzy with your delicious mouth."

I was about to say something about the fact that I hadn't yet BEGUN to torture Godzy when I heard a knock, followed by a voice saying, "Fifteen minutes Mr. Cullen!!"

Edward chuckled, "Okay, so I'd better go get cleaned up. Can I call you later?"

"You'd better."

I hung up and handed the cab driver his fare plus a massive tip. I got out of the cab before leaning back into his window.

"I'd just like you to know, that was the BEST cab ride EVER!"

I smirked at his shocked expression as I walked away.

My phone rang as I entered the elevator. I chuckled to myself as I answered.

"Fucking hell, sex-God, isn't it enough to make me cum once today without even laying a hand on me?"

I heard a throaty chuckle on the other end of the phone.

"Bloody hell, Swan. Have you been online ogling pictures of me again?"

I burst out laughing.

"Of course, Pattsy. You KNOW I can't get through my day without seeing your pretty face."

He inserted a fake sob into his voice. "Well, now you're just being sarcastic. Why do you insist on hurting me, Bella? Why? Why?"

I threw open the door to my room and flopped down on the bed.

"'Cause your pain makes me smile, Pattinson. You should know that by now."

He sighed.

"Yeah, I should. So, how have you been, woman? You're in NY, yes?"

"Yep. I got in a few hours ago. How's the movie going?"

"Yeah, it's alright. There's some British git who's fucking appalling, but otherwise the cast is good."

I laughed, "Well, you and the git should get along famously then, shouldn't you?"

He grunted in pain. "You slay me with your words, Swan. Really. Soooo, what are you doing? Wanna grab some dinner?"

I thought about it. I still didn't know how Edward would react to me spending time with Rob. I mean, we were back together and he had NOTHING to worry about, but I just wasn't sure his new-found serenity would extend to me having dinner with an attractive movie-star he knew had feelings for me.

"Ah....Rob....I don't know.."

"Oh, come on," he urged. "You can even ring my super-secret-gay-life-partner and ask for his permission if you're worried. I promise to behave myself and not jump you the first chance I get. I do not, however, make any promises about the second or third chances."

I laughed. I really did love that crazy Brit, even if it wasn't in the way he wanted me to.

"Sure, ok. Can you pick me up at my hotel?"

"Already on my way. Oh, um...where is your hotel?"

I gave him the address and hung up, quickly showering and changing.

I tried to call Edward again, just to make sure he would be okay with me going to dinner with Rob, but again I got his voice-mail. I left a message for him to call me, and twenty minutes later there was a knock at my door.

I pulled it open to see Rob, smiling and radiant in all his scruffy glory.

"Swan!"

He scooped me into a tight hug before pulling back and wrinkling his nose.

"Bugger me, what is that fucking smell? It smells like vomit and jizz." He looked at me in horror, "Is that you, Puke-Girl, and if so, what the fuck have you been doing in here?"

I laughed and punched him in the arm.

"No, it's not me, wise-ass. It's the room. I think there are things living in the bed."

He pushed past me and surveyed the shit-hole I was staying in. He turned to me in disbelief.

"Swan, what the FUCK are you doing staying in a place like this? You could catch a venereal disease just by SITTING on that fucking bed. It's disgusting."

I sighed. "I know. Bree booked it. She has a major wide-on for Edward and I think she's pissed that we're back together."

His eyebrows raised ridiculously high and a small gasp puffed out of him. "You're back together? Wow. Well, I suppose I expected it, but still, wow. That's great, Swan. Awesome even. Well done."

"We haven't had sex yet."

"Oh, thank Christ for small mercies."

"But we're going to."

"I'm so happy for you!"

I hugged him and laughed. "Rob, are you sure you want to take me to dinner? I could just order something from room service."

"Don't you fucking DARE!" he bellowed, his face darkening. "Look, Swan, I can't say I'm thrilled that you and Edward are back together because, you know, I worry about you - as lame as that is - but there is still no fucking way I'd ever let you subject yourself to what is, judging by the rest of this stellar establishment, the world's most unsanitary fucking food. In fact, grab your suitcase, because I'm not letting you stay here tonight."

"What? Why not?"

"Bella, you're my friend. I like having you around even though you torture me. I'd really hate for your pretty face to be eaten off by rats while you sleep, okay?"

"Rob, are you forgetting I used to live on the streets? I'm kinda used to rats."

He frowned at me and crossed his arms over his chest. "Fine. Go sleep in the street then. I'd fucking prefer it to this place."

He grabbed my suitcase and opened the door. "Shall we?"

I laughed and shook my head.

"Apparently, we shall."

I quickly checked-out before Rob led me to a fancy car parked on the street.

"Is this yours?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Of course not," he scoffed, "I boosted it on the way over here. I have mad car-thieving skills. I think it belongs to De Niro."

I nodded in appreciation, "Nice. And you know how to drive, I'm assuming."

He finished stowing my suitcase and glared at me.

"Swan, just what the fuck are you trying to say?"

I shrugged. "Weeell, I mean, you're British, right? You do realize that you guys drive on the _other_ side of the road from us, right?"

He screwed up his face and scoffed. "Of course I fucking know that, Swan...now."

I laughed. "Rob, how many car accidents have you had?"

"Um...now, are you asking how many I've had, or how many were my fault?"

"How many have you had?"

"Five."

"And how many were your fault?"

"Five."

"Good to know."

"Just fucking get in the car, Swan. I promise to try not to kill you."

Rob drove - and I use that term loosely - to his hotel, where I managed to snag an available suite down the hall from his. He then took me a few blocks away to a local pizzeria where we stuffed ourselves on pasta and Chianti while he regaled me with tales about the crazy screamers who've been stalking him in New York.

"And then, she fucking grabs me around the neck and tries to suck my face off! I was so bloody surprised I almost got run over by a cab. I mean, Jesus, who DOES that to someone they've never even met? And the papps here? Oh, good Lord, it's like they have a sixth sense. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if they were waiting outside when we left here tonight. They're like fucking ninjas."

I laughed as his phone rang. He quickly checked the screen before rejecting the call.

"Ouch!" I exclaimed, "Ex-girlfriend?"

He laughed, "Hardly. Just someone I don't really want to speak to at the moment."

I nodded and sighed, "Aw, it must be tough being so wanted."

He smiled and looked down, "Yeah, well, you should know."

_Dammit. Why did I suddenly feel like the biggest shit-heel alive?_

I reached out and took his hand.

"Rob, you're an amazing man. You can have your pick of thousands...no, millions of women. Please stop thinking I'm something special, because I'm absolutely not. Okay? You could do so much better."

He looked up at me and smiled, "See, by saying that, I just think you're even more special." He sighed dramatically, "Stop making me fucking like you, Swan. It's exceedingly bloody irritating."

I laughed, "I'm very sorry, Mr. Pattinson, I'll try harder to be a complete ass."

I leaned over and kissed him quickly on the cheek.

It was at that moment that we both heard a dull clicking sound and turned around to see a man standing a short distance away, taking pictures. As soon as we noticed him he turned and ran from the restaurant.

Rob groaned and dropped his head into his hands.

"Bugger. That's all I need." He stood up and offered me his hand as he dropped some cash on the table and led me out of the restaurant.

"You'd better call Edward," he sighed, striding back to the hotel as he scanned the streets around us, one hand pushing gently into the small of my back.

"Why?" I asked, looking sideways at him, worried that he suddenly looked really tired.

"Because, Swan," he said, pushing us even faster as a group of papps descended upon us, "Every fucking gossip site and tabloid in the country is going to scream to the world that you're my new girlfriend within a matter of hours, and I don't think Edward would take that very well."

"Oh," I said as a cacophony of shutters and yelling swelled in my ears, "Great."

***

**Author Notes**

**Well, Halloween is just around the corner and I have written a little one-shot titled Grasping Darkness for "One Horny Hallow's Eve" fanfic event. The link is on my profile and I'll be tweeting everyone when it's posted. If you want to follow me on Twitter, my tweet-name is also KiyaRaven. Come join us. We discuss all sorts of inappropriate topics.**

**Also, I was honored to recently be interviewed for a new fanfic Author Blog. If you would like to check it out, the link is on my profile. Please leave a comment and let me know what you thought.**

**BTW, the review response to the last chapter was PHENOMENAL, proving just how wonderfully pervy my readers are.**

**This week, a review will get you a reply from a VERY horny Edward. Go on. You know you want to.**

**Love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	29. Jealousy Vs Serenity

**Chapter Notes**

**Huge boobie gropes to all my hotties on Twitter, UU, FFFW & Twilighted. You girls own me and you know it.**

**To my Twilighted Beta, Blondie – Thank you so much for all that you do.**

**To my Beta-Goddess, Catty-Wan – You are extraordinary and I can't wait for you to hump my leg one day soon.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns all things Twilight. I own an unhealthy addiction to all things pornographic and/or chocolatey. Oh, and the word 'fuck' apparently.**

**Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 29 – Jealousy Vs Serenity**

**BPOV**

"Robert! Over here! Robert!!"

"Rob, who's your friend?! Are you guys dating?!"

"Robert, come on! Just one smile, man, please!"

"What's your name, sweetheart?! How did you and Rob meet?!"

Rob ushered me into the hotel and it wasn't until the elevator doors closed behind us, blocking out the yells of the desperate paparazzi, that we both relaxed enough to exhale.

"Jesus, Rob! Does that happen to you a lot?" I asked in bewilderment.

He nodded and gave me wry smile.

"Every damn day, Swan."

"Really? That is unbelievable!"

"Hey, that was nothing. Those guys tonight were pretty tame compared to some of the others. Some of them are real animals."

"No, I mean it's unbelievable they find you interesting enough to stalk you like you're actually someone important."

I smirked at him, and he chuckled and shook his head.

"You're the most hilarious person I've ever met, Swan, did you know that?"

"Really?"

"No. Not really. You're an enormous goddamn pain in my bloody ass, but you do make me laugh. Now, call your fucking boyfriend and try to explain the ass-piracy we've just experienced before he finds out from someone else and decides to try and make me all kinds of dead."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Jeez, Rob, overly dramatic much?"

He glared at me.

"Alright, alright," I said, quickly pulling out my phone and dialing. "Sheesh! You're not nervous about Edward's reaction are you? I already told you how well he's doing with his serenity training."

He ran his fingers through his hair roughly.

"Yeah you did, right before you told me he's put on about fourteen pounds of muscle, so I don't want to take any fucking chances, thank you very much."

I dialed Edward's number and waited impatiently for him to answer. I could feel my heart speed up slightly at the thought of telling him what just happened.

This conversation could go two ways – he could either realize that Rob and I were simply spending some innocent, friendly time together and ignore the rumors that were no-doubt blazing through the internet like wildfire, claiming that we were fucking on every horizontal-surface available, and even some of the vertical ones; or he could override all of his serenity training and get on the first flight to New York so he could beat Rob to a bloody pulp and yell at me until I cried.

I bit my fingernails as I waited to find out which Edward I'd be speaking to.

"Edward Cullen's phone, Bree speaking."

_Ah, crap._

Or he could give his phone to the human equivalent of a root-canal and make my head want to explode with violent rage.

"Bree, it's Bella," I seethed, not bothering to disguise my disgust, "First of all, thanks for fucking me over with my transportation and accommodations here in New York. That was just awesome."

She giggled, and I've never wanted to hit someone so much in my life.

"Did you like the hotel, Bella? I saw it online and totes thought of you."

"Oh, really? Did the sales-pitch on the website also mention the jizz stains on the bed-spread?"

She giggled again.

"No, but that's, like, a total bonus."

I fumed and clenched my fists. This girl had no clue who she was fucking with, but sure as hell I was going to explain it to her one day real soon. I'm pretty sure my explanation would include her writhing on the floor in pain.

"Bree, where's Edward?"

"Oh, well, his last interview today was totes stressful. The interviewer brought up stuff about you and your past, so Emmett took EC out for a run to, like, to calm him down." Her voice slithered out of the phone like liquid stench, and my nose wrinkled involuntarily. "Wow, Bella, you must feel really bad that he has to totes keep defending your past to everyone, huh? Poor EC. It really takes its toll on him."

I closed my eyes and breathed through my anger, desperately trying to loosen my grip on the phone before it shattered in my fucking hand. I felt Rob's hand come down on my shoulder and I opened my eyes to see him looking at me with concern.

_Come on, Swan, don't bother reacting to her bullshit. You know she's just doing it to get a rise out of you. Don't give her the satisfaction._

I took a leaf out of Edward's book and counted to ten as I exhaled slowly. My blood was boiling slightly less when I spoke again.

"Look, Bree, just tell Edward to call me, okay? Urgently. And for fuck's sake keep him away from the internet until then, alright? I need to explain something to him. Can you handle that?"

"Oh, Bella, I can totes handle much more than you give me credit for," she said, and I had the sudden and irrational mental picture of a fly struggling uselessly in a sticky web as a spider moved in for the kill. "I'll tell EC, you called."

With that, the line went dead.

Rob looked at me expectantly as the elevator doors opened and we stepped out into the hallway.

"Well?"

"He's not there. The spawn of Satan said she'd get him to call me."

He sighed.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to wait then, won't we? Wanna hang out in my room?"

"Why, Mr Pattinson," I exclaimed, "How very forward of you. What will the papps say if they find out?"

He shrugged.

"They'll say that you and I are fucking like rabbits, that you're pregnant with my love-child, that we're looking to buy a house together, and that I proposed to you at the Chateau Marmont while smoking pot and doing tequila shooters off your tits. You know...the usual."

I nodded solemnly.

"Fair enough. Got beer?"

He scoffed.

"Bitch, please. It's me."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

He grimaced.

"I can't get away with saying 'bitch, please', can I?"

"So very no."

"Is it the accent?"

"And pretty much everything else about you."

"Dammit."

We entered the happy explosion of mess that was Rob's suite and flopped on the couch after he grabbed some beers from the kitchen.

I was starting to get anxious about hearing from Edward and by the look on Rob's face, so was he. We both sighed simultaneously, so I decided to try and lighten the mood.

"So," I said, plonking my feet onto the coffee table, "What are we going to name our little one?" He looked at me in confusion. "You know, your love child that I'm currently impregnated with. Any ideas on what we're going to call it?"

He shrugged.

"Well, if it's a girl – Emmett, obviously - and if it's a boy - how about Robert junior?"

I snorted and he frowned at me.

"What?" he asked, bringing his beer up to his mouth.

"Well, I just assumed that the term 'Robert Junior' would have already been assigned to...um...a particular part of your....anatomy."

He spit out the mouthful of beer he'd just taken.

"Fucking hell, Swan, are you kidding me? There is nothing JUNIOR about THAT part of my anatomy!"

I giggled as I watched him wipe beer-spit off himself.

"Uh huh. So what have you named him then?"

He blushed.

"Nothing! Why the fhell would I name him? I'm not twelve years old, Swan. That's so fucking immature."

"Oh, come on, Rob, you're not fooling anyone. Either you tell me his name or I'll just have to make up my own name for him. How about Thumbalina? Tiny Tim? Pattsy's Precious Peen Princess?"

He gasped in horror.

"You take that back!"

"Sure, just as soon as you tell me his real name."

"No fucking way. You'll laugh your ass off."

"I won't! I promise! Come on, please!"

"Absolutely bloody not. It's too embarrassing."

"Robert," I whined pathetically, "I have puked on you AND grossed you out with my giant, swollen tongue. You OWE me this. Please."

He groaned and looked at me with disdain.

"You're really going to guilt me into this, aren't you?"

I nodded and smiled.

He thrust a long finger in my face.

"Promise me you won't laugh," he demanded roughly.

I looked at him sincerely.

"Rob, I promise, okay? Now, come on, spill."

He rubbed his eyes with his hand and said softly, "I can't believe I'm fucking telling you this, Swan. I am such an idiot."

He sighed heavily and looked at me. "Gigantor, alright? His name is Gigantor."

I nodded solemnly.

"Oh. Wow. Good name." I took in a deep breath and held it desperately. "See? Not laughing."

He quirked an eyebrow at me and the bubbling flood inside me burst its banks in an embarrassing wave of snorting and guffawing. I doubled over in a gut-clenching, saliva-spraying fit of hysterical laughter.

"Oh....Jesus....can't breathe....Gigantor!"

I gripped Rob's shirt desperately to stop myself from falling off the couch as I convulsed and cackled.

He scowled at me.

"I KNEW you'd fucking laugh! DAMMIT, SWAN!"

I gasped as I tried to talk around my giggles.

"Oh....Rob...I'm so sorry....can't....help it...."

He slammed his beer down on the table and glared at me.

"I object to the fact that you think Gigantor is such a hilarious name for my penis. For all you know, it could be entirely inadequate in fully describing the magnitude of my magnificent member!!"

I laughed even harder, my face streaming with uncontrollable tears.

Rob scowled at me and crossed his arms petulantly over his chest.

"Alright then, what the hell does Edward call his?"

My laughter turned into a coughing fit.

"Excuse me?"

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"What...does...Edward...call...his?"

A nervous giggle bubbled out of me.

"What? Nothing._ He's not twelve years old!_" I felt a traitorous blush prickle up my neck. I looked away from Rob's demanding gaze. "Edward's penis has no name. It's anonymous. It's in the Penis Protection Program."

He scoffed loudly.

"Come on, Swan! Every man names his dick. It's what we do. I told you mine even though it's going to provide you with enough ammunition to torture me for fucking months. The least you can do is to give me something in return."

I took a huge mouthful of beer and swallowed it down.

He was right. I hated when he was right. It felt wrong and unnatural.

"You really want to know?"

He leaned back and rolled his eyes at me.

"Yes. I really want to know."

"Well, to be fair, Edward didn't actually name him. I did."

"Yeah, yeah."

"And when I named him I was in the middle of a post-coital haze of silliness, so..."

"Swan, get on with it would you?!"

I looked up at him and grimaced, drawing in a deep breath.

"Godzilla."

His brow furrowed in confusion and he leaned toward me, cupping his ear with his hand.

"I'm sorry, what?"

I sighed and shook my head.

"You fucking heard me, Pattinson. God-zilla."

Suddenly his hands grasped his hair, his eyes snapped shut and he groaned in pain.

"Oh, Jesus....please God, make it stop!!"

I touched his shoulder in concern.

"Rob? Are you okay? What the hell is wrong with you?"

He looked up at me with tortured eyes.

"Fuck, Swan. I now have a recurring mental image of Edward's cock destroying huge chunks of downtown, Tokyo!! Arrrgh!!"

He burst out laughing and I punched his shoulder roughly.

"You're an asshole."

He held his sides and sighed.

"Oh, man, knowing that Edward's dick has an even more ridiculous name than mine makes me slightly less nervous about him killing me horribly."

"That's absurd. First of all, Gigantor is WAAAY sillier than Godzilla, and second of all, I'm sure Edward will be totally fine when he sees the pictures. I have complete faith in my man."

"Oh, really?" he challenged, "Let's just see what sort of damage we're looking at then, shall we?"

He flipped open his laptop and typed quickly. He leaned forward and looked carefully at the screen before groaning.

"Oh...no, no, no, no. How is that fucking possible? How do they DO that?"

"What?" I said, twisting the screen around so I could see what he was looking at.

"Oh, shit," I breathed in disbelief.

The TMZ website had about a dozen pics of Rob and me at the restaurant, and if I hadn't actually been there and knew that absolutely nothing romantic happened between us, I would totally think that we were hooking up.

There were pics of us laughing and touching, apparently gazing into each other's eyes lovingly, and holding hands.

And then there were the pictures of us kissing.

I had kissed Rob on the cheek. I remember doing it and it was definitely on the cheek. It was quick and chaste and completely innocent, but the photographs had been taken in such a way that it looked like we were having a full-on make-out session.

_Goddammit._

I looked over at Rob. He rubbed his eyes and sighed, taking a long drink from his beer before flopping back into the couch.

He looked tense. He had good reason to be. If I was Edward and saw photos of my girlfriend and the man who was not-so-secretly in love with her seemingly all over each other, I'd pretty much want to hit him – hard.

_Oh, crap. This is not good. This is not good at all. _

_I need to speak to Edward. Now._

I quickly pulled my phone out and jumped a little when it rang in my hand. I punched the answer key and shoved it against my ear.

"Edward?"

"Bella, what the hell's going on there? My skin is going all blotchy and that usually means that fuck-uppery is afoot. What happened, who are you with, and how many people am I going to have to kill to make whatever fucking mess you've gotten yourself into go away?"

I sighed.

"Hey, Alice. I'm with Rob."

She groaned.

"Well, enough fucking said. What the hell did the Brit do this time?"

"I can hear you, Alice," Rob grumbled at the phone.

I shushed him with my hand.

"We went out to dinner. Some papps caught us and took some pictures that look...compromising. Now I'm desperately trying to get in touch with Edward so I can explain that absolutely nothing happened before he sees the pics and completely freaks out."

A strange noise came out of the phone.

"Oh," said Alice, her voice sounding low and strained. "Well...yes....ah, um that could be a major fucking problem....oh, yes....wow...hmm...let me think....uhhh...God!"

"Alice?" I asked warily, "Are you okay?"

She cleared her throat.

"Yes. I'm fine, Bells. I was just like thinking...Jesus....oh. I fucking love thinking....oh, oh, God, yes! It gets me hot. Ah....um....so have you, ah....spoken to Edward yet? Oh, fuck!"

I sighed and rubbed my eyes.

"Alice, put Jasper on the phone."

I heard her gasp.

"What? Why? I mean....Jasper? Jasper who? He's not here. ! Um...oh...I mean...uh...I don't know where he is."

I laughed sarcastically.

"Okay, Alice. Look down between your thighs. That nice blond man who's currently feasting on your girl-parts is Jasper. Tap him on the shoulder and give him the phone."

I could feel her laser-gaze burn me from across the country.

"Fine," she sulked, "Ruin all my fun."

I heard shuffling before I heard Jasper's tentative voice.

"Uh...hey, Bella. Um..how are you?"

"I'm just peachy, Jas, except for the fact that I have a fucked-up situation that I really need my friend and boss' advice about, but I'm really not going to get anything useful out of her because her insatiable Dr McMunch-a-lot boyfriend is snacking on her sexy-bits and distracting her. Are you feeling my frustration here?"

"Ah...yeah. Of course, Bella. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Just be less horny for a few minutes while I finish talking to your woman, then you can do whatever the hell you want with her."

His voice became bright with excitement.

"Even the thing with the thing?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Well, that would be between you and Alice...and God."

I heard him chuckle.

"Okay, I'm going into the next room because Alice is half-dressed and there's no way I'll be able to leave her alone if her spectacular breasts are anywhere near my line of vision."

"Jas, I love that you're sharing, but I really didn't need to know that."

"Oh. Right. Okay, I'm going now. Bye, Bella."

"Nice talking to you, Jasper."

Alice came back on the phone.

"You sent my Sex-God away? For fuck's sake, Bella! How is it that you can cockblock me even when we're not in the same city?"

"Alice! Did you not hear my dilemma? There are pictures on the internet that look like I'm trying to lick Rob's tonsils! What the hell am I going to do?"

"Okay, just calm down. Let's establish the facts. Did you, in fact, try to lick the Brit's tonsils?"

"No!"

"Did the Brit try to lick your tonsils?"

"NO! Jesus, Alice!"

"Was there licking of any kind?"

I growled in frustration.

"No, there was no fucking licking, Alice! Stop obsessing about what Jasper was just doing to you and focus, dammit!! Rob and I went to dinner. That's it. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek when he started getting maudlin and sulky..."

"Hey!" Rob protested weakly.

"...but that's IT. I don't know how they got the pictures they did. It's like they used a special 'scandal camera' that made even the most innocent of touches look absolutely fucking x-rated!"

"Bella, calm down."

"How can I calm down, Alice? If Edward sees these pictures he's going to think I betrayed him, and I didn't! We've only just gotten back together. I can't have him seeing them before I've had a chance to explain!"

"It's alright, Bells. We'll fix this, okay? I take it you've already tried to call him?"

"Of course. Bree answered. Emmett has taken him jogging."

Alice snorted.

"Seriously? My brother is jogging? In public? But he runs like a girl."

"Alice!"

"Sorry. Okay, I'll try and call Emmett. You call the hotel and leave a message at reception." Her voice softened and suddenly I really missed my beautiful best friend. "We'll find him, honey. Don't worry. It'll be okay."

I swallowed the panic that was starting to rise in me and nodded.

"Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Alice."

I hung up and glanced over at Rob. He was hunched over the laptop, an expression of awe on his face.

"It really does look like you're your sticking your tongue down my throat," he breathed, chuckling quietly to himself. "It's kind of awesome." He looked up at me guiltily. "And wrong. So very, very wrong."

I slapped the laptop shut and he slumped back into the couch, crossing his arms over his chest and sulking slightly.

I quickly dialed Edward's hotel, leaving a message for him to call me as soon as he walked back through the doors.

A few seconds after hanging up, my phone rang again.

"Edward?"

"Jesus H ever-lovin' Christ, Twinkie, what the FUCK have you been up to with Rob? Are you TRYING to hurt me?"

Emmett's voice boomed out of the phone and I had to hold it away from my ear to avoid permanent damage.

"Bree just showed me the pictures on the internet! You're all over him for God's sake! You should be ashamed of yourself, woman!!"

"Emmett, where's Edward?"

"I mean, honestly, you've got some nerve letting Edward think that you two were getting back together if you just intended to run into the arms of that devastatingly handsome hottie. Not that I blame you. The man is all kinds of irresistible, but still..."

"EMMETT!!" I yelled in desperation, "PLEASE shut the fuck up for one second and listen to me."

There was a moment of silence before he said softly, "Jeez, Bells, no need to bust my balls. What did you want to say?"

I closed my eyes and tried to calm down.

"Emmett, nothing happened between Rob and me. I know the pictures look bad, but believe me when I say nothing happened."

"NOTHING HAPPENED, EMMETT!!" Rob cried in support, "Unfortunately."

He glanced at me sheepishly before stealthily opening the laptop and discreetly returned to ogling the screen.

"Oh, thank God for that," Emmett said, relief flooding his voice, "For a minute there I thought you and I couldn't be friends, sweet cheeks, and that would be fucking tragic. By the way, his voice is damn hot when he yells. Now, I'd better find Edward and let him know that he doesn't need to murder you both in a jealous rage. Not that I would have let him anyway."

My heart stopped beating.

"Emmett...has Edward seen the photos?"

There was an uncomfortable silence before he said, "Ah, yeah. He came back up to the suite before me, and when I arrived Bree had my laptop open and was showing him something. I took a quick shower and when I came out he mumbled something about having to 'take care' of some things and he left."

_Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit._

"I didn't think anything of it until I saw the screen. Unfortunately, by the time I figured out what I was seeing, he was already gone. When Alice called a few minutes ago, I tried to find him. He's not in his room and his phone is switched off. I don't need to tell you that this isn't good, baby-cakes."

I groaned and rubbed my face furiously with my hand.

"How did he look, Em, before he left?"

"Well, he looked pretty damn sick, but then again, that's normal after one of my workouts. I've lost count of the times I've made him puke."

I tugged on my hair, concentrating on the pain as thick tendrils of panic weaved through my body like metal-edged ribbons.

"Emmett," I pleaded quietly, "you have to find him. Please. You have to tell him that I love him and that nothing happened."

"I know, Bells, don't worry. I'll find him for you, okay?"

"Thanks, Emmett."

"Oh, wait, Bree wants to talk to you."

_I bet she does._

"Bella? Hi," she said, fake civility dripping from every word, "Wow, I'm sooo totes sorry that I forgot to ask Edward to call you. My bad."

If the sincerity of her apology was on a scale of one to ten, she'd be sitting around negative three-hundred.

_Bitch_.

My legs started trembling as absolute fury flooded though me.

"But you managed to show him the pictures I didn't want him to see, didn't you, Bree? You remembered to do that, right?"

I heard her gasp.

"Oh my God! Was I NOT supposed to show him those pics of you and what's-his-name canoodling like a pair of horny lovebirds? Oh, no. Whoops."

I heard a dark laugh rumble out of me and quite frankly, it made my bladder want to let go. I could only hope it made Bree feel the same way because after the shit she'd just pulled, that bitch seriously needed to fear me.

"Bree, do you really think that all this mind-fuckery bullshit you're putting so much time and effort into will make Edward dump me and run away with you? Honestly? What are you, thirteen?"

"Bella," she said like she was talking to a rabid dog, and realistically, the analogy wasn't too far off, "I have NO idea what you're talking about. Although if I did, I'd probs say that judging by the look on Edward's face when he saw those pics of you and Rob together, him dumping you might be happening sooner than I could have possibly hoped for."

I ground my teeth together.

"I'm going to end you, Bree," I seethed dangerously.

"We'll see," she said brightly as I clenched my jaw and fists.

"Put Emmett back on," I growled.

"Sure thing. Bye, Bella!"

I had a very bad feeling that I had been underestimating little miss 'totes'. All along I had been thinking that beneath the vapidly annoying exterior there was just a thick, crusty layer of stupid, but now I was starting to see the crusty mantle hid a core of pure evil. I briefly considered checking her scalp for the inevitable 666.

Emmett's voice startled me out of my inner musings.

"Bella? I'm going to look around and make some calls...see if I can track Edward down."

I rubbed my eyes wearily.

"You'd better check the bars, Em," I said quietly, not really willing to believe that he would lose control like that, but eager to make sure no stone was left unturned, "Just in case."

"Sure."

When Emmett spoke again his voice was quiet and soothing.

"Bella, don't worry, okay? You've seen how much progress he's made over the past few weeks. He has all the tools he needs to deal with this. He may just need a little time."

I swallowed and tried to believe him.

"I can't lose him again, Em," I whispered, vaguely aware that Rob had placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, "I just can't."

"You won't. He'll be fine. Trust me."

"Thanks, Emmett."

"You're welcome. I'll call you shortly and let you know what's going on."

***

The next few hours crawled by.

Emmett and Alice kept calling back with status reports, but neither of them could find Edward. I was really starting to lose the plot.

Rob sat nearby, gently strumming on his guitar and humming to himself, but I could tell he was tense. Every so often he would look nervously towards the door as if he expected Edward to burst through it like a dark vengeful angel, and proceed to hand out a first-class ass-whupping.

It wasn't out of the realm of possibility.

Around midnight I conceded defeat and decided to go to bed. I hugged Rob briefly and told him I'd speak to him in the morning, and tramped dejectedly up the hallway to my room before peeling off my clothes and stepping into the shower.

I sighed as I let the warm water run over me, carrying with it some of the tension that had been crawling over my skin for the past few hours.

Above all else, I hoped Edward hadn't fallen off the wagon and wasn't lying in a gutter somewhere, drunk as a skunk, high as a kite and cursing my name as he humped random passers-by. My heart clenched at the thought.

_Please, God, let him be alright._

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a robe, grabbing my phone and flopping down on the bed.

I must have started dozing off because I flinched violently when the phone rang in my hand.

"Um...'lo...wha?" I said roughly.

"Bella?"

I sat bolt upright, immediately awake at the sound of Edward's voice.

"Edward?"

"Hey, baby. Did I wake you?"

His voice was low and gravelly and his words were slightly slurred.

_Oh, dear God, he's drunk._

"Edward, are you okay?"

I heard him groan slightly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just woke up and I think all my muscles have decided to protest by screaming in pain. Emmett caned me this afternoon. I may never walk again."

"You just woke up? You don't happen to be in a gutter by any chance?"

He groaned again and I could almost see him stretching.

"Jesus, Bella, no I'm not in a gutter. I'm in my bed. In the hotel. What's going on?"

"Oh. You haven't been...um...drinking?"

"Well, I've had several bottles of Gatorade. Why?"

He sounded remarkably cool, calm and collected. I was really starting to get worried.

"Edward," I said carefully, "I know you've seen the pictures."

There was a pause and my head pounded dully as I waited for his response.

"Oh, yeah. The pictures," he sighed, "Bree couldn't wait to thrust them in my face when I got back to the hotel. She kept pointing to them and patting me on the back like I was a ten year old whose dog had just been run over. Either that or she was just feeling me up and pretending to be sympathetic."

My jaw clenched.

"I can imagine."

"She kept staring at my face – intently. It was fucking freaky. I think she was expecting to see the precise moment when my heart broke in two and the red-rage of jealousy filled my eyes."

I swallowed hard.

"And did she....see that?"

My voice was soft and I hoped he couldn't hear the abject fear in it.

He paused for a second before replying, "Bella, do you really have so little faith in me that you think me seeing a few photographs of you molesting the hell out of Rob in a public place is going to push me over the edge?"

_Oh. Shit._

My mouth went dry and my heart beat uncomfortably against my ribs.

"Edward, I promise you, NOTHING happened with Rob. I know that the photos look bad, but please believe me when I say that I gave Rob a peck on the cheek – that's all!"

He paused and in those few seconds my heart felt as though it was sitting in the gallows, waiting for the executioner's axe to slice it in two.

When Edward spoke again his voice was low and relaxed. "I figured as much."

All the air in my lungs rushed out and a swell of relief pulsed through me.

"I won't lie though, Bella - when I first saw those photos they made my blood pressure go through the fucking roof. My first reaction was to punch something - or someone. I was sorely tempted to punch Bree. I mean, she was right there and annoying the living crap out of me, but then Emmett walked in and I remembered I was supposed be more evolved and shit."

I laughed, "Dammit, Edward, I would have paid money for you to punch Bree."

He chuckled and my arms ached to reach out and hold him.

"The way she was acting today, baby, I would have punched that bitch for free."

_That. Right there. That's why I love him._

"So, you're not angry with me?" I asked carefully, "You're not jumping on the first plane out here to cruelly murder Rob?"

He sighed.

"Look, Bella, I love you, and I'm pretty fucking sure you love me, and as much as I'd like to think that Rob is an asshole who would make a move on my woman, I know he's not. He's a decent guy. So when I saw those pictures tonight I knew they weren't showing what they seemed to be showing. Jesus, I've been on the end of my fair share of damning photographs and I know that most of the time they're just seventeen shades of bullshit. I mean, the back-alley cock-gobbling drama that Rob and I went through is a perfect example. I'm pretty sure I know better than anybody that when it comes to celebrity gossip, things are not always what they seem."

I smiled to myself as my thundering heart realized that it wasn't going to be carved up like sashimi after all.

"But, if you're not angry, then why did you disappear tonight? Emmett, Alice and I have been looking for you for hours."

"Well, the pictures, combined with Emmett trying to kill me with running shoes, left me feeling sick and light-headed so I came down to my room, had a shower and crashed on the bed. I guess I must have dozed off."

"But Emmett tried to call your room."

"Baby, I pulled out the plug to the hotel phone. Bree has started calling me at all hours and it was totes pissing me off."

My jaw clenched involuntarily.

"Edward, if you start using the word 'totes' in everyday conversation, I'm going to have to fucking hurt you. A lot."

A low hum breathed out of the phone.

"Jesus, Bella, I love it when you get all bad-ass on me."

I laughed, trying to ignore how the low rumble of need in his voice affected me.

"I'm quite partial to bad-ass Edward as well," I teased, "Does all this serenity training you're doing mean I'm never going to hear another uber-jealous outburst from you? 'Cause that would be kinda sad."

He exhaled in frustration.

"Woman, I'm working really fucking hard to become a better man for you, and now you tell me you like it when I get all possessive? I can't win."

An excited chill ran up my spine as I pictured him glaring at me.

"Well, maybe you can just...pretend to be possessive?"

"Bella," he said in a low voice, "Where you're concerned, there is no pretending. You're mine. You'll always be mine. You know it. I know it. Our bodies know it. Even when we're apart, your body can feel mine, can't it?"

I swallowed as a rush of lust lit up my loins.

_Oh, God._ "Yes."

"No other man can make you feels the things I can, and I'll fucking annihilate anyone who tries."

A small groan escaped my lips.

"Oh...Jesus, yes, Edward."

"When I saw those photos of you & Rob tonight, I wanted to get on the first fucking plane to New York and find you, and grab you, and fuck the hell out of you until you could feel nothing but me moving inside you – making you scream my name, over and over again...shattering you and putting you back together until you couldn't comprehend any other man than me, ever.

I wanted to claim you in the most animalistic way possible. I wanted to plunge into you and devour you and mark you all over so every other man in the fucking world realized that you belonged to me, and that you always would, and that we were made for each other because together we're a fucking force of nature. Is that what you want to hear, Bella? That the thought of you being with someone else apparently devolves me into a grunting, desperate cave-dweller who wants nothing more than to dominate you sexually? Does that turn you on?"

My hands automatically opened my robe and pushed it aside, revealing my hardened nipples and quivering skin. The cool air caressed me as my fingertips started grazing across my breasts and abdomen.

_Apparently Edward the Neanderthal did turn me on. Who knew?_

"Yes, Edward. God, please....keep talking."

"You want to hear more? Are you sure? Do you really want to know that I'm jealous of every single person who talks to you, or touches you, or even fucking looks at you? Do you want to know that when I'm not with you every single part of my heart and body aches for you, like you've ripped out part of my soul and taken it with you? Do you want to know that I'm lying here, naked, fucking desperate for you to be lying on top of me, running your hands over my body, soothing the pulsing ache that seems to fucking eat my insides whenever we're apart?"

"Oh, Jesus...Edward...you're naked? So fucking sexy. "

I could hear the raw lust in my voice and by the way he groaned, I'm pretty damn sure he could hear it too.

"Fuck, Bella. When you talk like that my cock get so hard so quickly it almost punches me in the damn stomach. Christ, woman."

I heard his breath speed up slightly and my body flooded with desire as I realized what he was probably doing.

"Edward," I said in a low, seductive voice, "Are you touching yourself?"

His voice was low and strained, and the ache inside me intensified as I imagined his strong hand gripping his erection, pumping it lazily as he closed his beautiful eyes and pictured my face.

"I can't help myself when I hear your voice, Bella. It's like this semi-liquid feather of fuck-me that brushes over my skin and makes my hand do things that feel too fucking good to stop."

He moaned and my hand automatically reached down between my legs, my fingers finding the aching wetness that begged to be touched. It begged for _his_ fingers, his mouth, his magnificent arousal – but none of those things were here so I had to provide my own fingers as a poor substitute.

They were surprisingly effective.

"Oh, God, yes...Edward, keep talking...please keep talking."

My breathing became shallow as I circled the slick, pink flesh, each pass over my clit eliciting a tiny, pleasure-filled gasp.

He groaned, "Bella? What are you doing?"

My muscles clenched at the desire in his voice.

"What do you think I'm doing?"

"Fucking hell," he whispered as his breathing became more frantic, "The thought of you touching yourself is so fucking hot I have to stop myself from losing it right here and now."

I circled my fingers faster, panting roughly as the image of Edward filled my head – his eyes squeezed shut as he fought for control of his body, muscles tensed and glistening, his hand gripping himself firmly, moving smoothly over the taut, tight skin. I could feel the delicious flutter of my muscles contracting inside me, coiling tighter, grasping for the ecstasy that was squirming to be released.

"Oh, Jesus...Edward I'm so close..."

"Yes, baby...cum. Please. Tell me. Let me hear you."

His voice was rough and needy and it pushed me over the rapidly approaching precipice

I held my breath as I felt the spring-loaded tension inside me suddenly snap, releasing crashing spasms of pleasure that rocked through me like a hurricane.

"GOD, YES!! I'm cumming...Oh, Jesus! Edward....cum with me...please."

My whole body tensed as my orgasm unravelled inside me, muscles clenching and releasing in pulsing waves of intensity.

I heard Edward grunt loudly before he cried, "FUCK, YES!!! Oh, Bella....Bella...oh, God...yes.."

I stilled my hand as the last tremors faded deep inside me and I listened to Edward pant roughly on the other end of the phone. My own breathing huffed out in shallow gasps - hoarse and uneven and fast – eventually slowing as my heart calmed its furious beating.

"Jesus, Bella," Edward panted, "Why is it that even just hearing your voice can bring me to such a staggeringly powerful orgasm? That was seriously fucking incredible."

I sighed and rolled on my side, curling my legs up to my chest as utter contentment settled in my bones.

"I know what you mean. Since we've been apart I've had my fair share of orgasms but that one...oh, wow. I could almost feel you moving inside me."

He moaned and said, "Excuse me, baby, I just need to deal with something." It sounded like he put his hand over the phone before bellowing, "For God's sake, Godzy! Settle down! You've just popped like a goddamn firecracker and you still want more just because Bella is talking about you moving inside her? You greedy fucker. Could you PLEASE just be grateful and relax for five minutes? Jesus!!"

I laughed and was rewarded by hearing his low chuckle.

"Cullen, your cock is an insatiable beast, you know that, right?"

He sighed.

"He wasn't before he met you."

"What?"

"It's true. Before I met you I'd be lucky if I could get hard more than twice a night."

My girl parts clenched at the mere thought of Edward getting hard. Obviously Giney was an insatiable beast too.

"Edward, come on. That's not true."

"It is true. Before I met you, my cock was Clark Kent. Now he's Superman. You're like the opposite of Kryptonite, baby. You're my Cocktonite. Whenever I even think about you my body reacts by pulsing all available blood straight into the super-powered penis-hero. It's really fucking draining."

I laughed.

"I'm sure it is, especially considering how many times you manage to tug your tackle every day."

"Hey! The fact that I have to beat Godzy into submission so damn often is entirely your fault! He's completely enthralled by your bodaciousness."

I giggled like a teenager.

"Cullen, you did NOT just use the word 'bodaciousness'.

"Why? What's wrong with 'bodaciousness'?"

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. But any time you'd like to jump into your Delorean and meet us back in the twenty-first century, that would be swell."

He laughed, his warm voice enveloping me as I inhaled and imagined his perfect smell.

"God, I miss you," he said quietly.

"I miss you to."

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

I sighed and thought about tomorrow's gruelling schedule.

"Well, I have another meeting at the record company in the morning to decide on the final details of the album launch. Then I'll be spending several hours here at the hotel finalizing the details of all of your interviews and public appearances in New York, then back to the record label in the afternoon to discuss sales projections and ancillary promotional opportunities, before racing to the airport in the early evening to pick up a hot guy to take to the pre-album-launch cocktail party tomorrow night."

"Wait a minute. Who the hell is this hot-guy you're going out with?"

"Oh, haven't I told you about him? He's absolutely gorgeous! Tall, handsome, giant glory-cock that just won't quit."

He scoffed.

"Sounds like an asshole. I hope he's good in bed."

"Well, here's the thing – I don't remember if he's good in bed. It's been a while since we've been...um...intimate – in the peen and vag department I mean. I'm really very frustrated."

His facade cracked.

"You don't remem...WHAT? You're...WHAT? You're FRUSTRATED? Woman, I have made you cum TWICE today without even touching you, not to mention all the random molestation I perpetrated on your fine bod before you even left this morning! And now – you've fucking forgotten whether or not I'm good in bed? Fuck me! How can you forget fucking perfection? How can you forget our 'Who Can Cum the Loudest' competitions, of which I am the reigning champion? Or the giant Orgasmasplosion buy-out at Gineyland USA? Or the Great Sexual Marathon of 2009 in the Magical Love Cave where it all began right there in New York, New York? Jimminy motherfucking Cricket, woman – you are seriously killing my fucking ego here!!"

I stifled the flurry of giggles tickling my throat.

"Meh. What can I say. My memory might need some jogging."

"Some jogging? SOME jogging? Your memory is going to be getting the fucking IMAX theatre, sense-surround, 3-D fucking re-cap, lady, and when you finally recall what a goddamn prodigious sex-God I am, I'll expect a full-page ad in Variety proclaiming, 'Edward Cullen is a sexual genius whose super-hero penis deserves to be bronzed and mounted.'"

I snorted and guffawed loudly.

Edward sighed.

"You're laughing your ass off at the word 'mounted' aren't you?"

I snorted again.

"Maybe. It's a REALLY funny word."

He laughed.

"Bella, you are the strangest, quirkiest, sexiest and most beautiful woman who has ever lived. Do you know that?"

I sighed. "Well, yes, some strange man keeps telling me that, but quite frankly I'm so dazzled by his incredible beauty, inside and out, I find it hard to concentrate on his actual words."

I heard him inhale and when he spoke again, his voice was low and quiet.

"Bella, what the hell did I do before I met you?"

An uncomfortable lump formed in my throat.

"I don't know. I don't even know who I was before I met you."

I heard him sigh.

"You know, I've always had a certain emptiness inside me, even when I was a kid, but when I met you, it kind of...evaporated. I think I used to be massively lonely."

"And now?" I asked, closing my eyes so I could concentrate on his beautiful voice.

"And now, even when I'm not with you, just the thought of you fills up all the spaces that used to hurt when I was by myself."

I felt my breath hitch in my lungs.

"I feel exactly the same way."

"I love you, Bella. So much."

I hugged a pillow to my chest and pretended it was him.

"I love you too, Edward."

***

The next day was a nightmare.

Apart from the scheduled meetings at the record company, Alice called me in the morning while in the middle of a giant shit-fit because Bree had forgotten to forward pre-release media kits to several well-known music journalists, and so I had to run all around New York delivering envelopes to apartments and hotels like I worked for fucking Fed-Ex. By lunch-time I was sweaty and exhausted and covered in fifteen layers of taxi grime from driving all over the damn city.

When my phone rang as I was struggling back into a cab for my final delivery, I answered it without checking caller ID.

"What?"

"Well, hello to you too, Swan. Did you forget you were supposed to call me this morning to discuss my imminent funeral plans or were you just trying to hurt me?"

I rubbed my temple, feeling bad that I hadn't called Rob after the debacle last night and assured him that everything was okay."

"Hey, Rob. Sorry...it's been a crappy day."

His voice turned soft and sympathetic.

"Sorry to hear that. Judging by your mood I assume Edward didn't react well to the whole 'I-know-it-looks-like-I-hooked-up-with-the-devastatingly-handsome-and-humble-Pattinson-boy-but-really-I-was-just-torturing-him-with-some-annoyingly-platonic-touching?"

I smiled, despite my bad mood. Trust Rob to brighten my day.

"Actually, Pattsy, Edward was remarkably okay about the pictures. I was surprised as all hell."

"What? Really?" he said, confusion and disbelief tempering his voice.

"Really."

"He didn't freak out at all? No yelling, or crying, or threatening my life?"

I laughed.

"No, Rob. Honestly. See? I told you that he could cope with it. He knew that nothing would ever happen between us."

I heard him exhale in frustration.

"Well, that's pretty fucking trusting of him, isn't it? I mean, how did he know that you didn't finally realize what a fucking awesome catch I was, and so decided to dump his Bella-abandoning ass and run off with me to live in Italy where we'd renovate a ramshackle villa and grow our own olives?"

I laughed.

"Rob, first of all, Edward trusts me, and for some unknown reason, he trusts you too. Secondly, you've been reading 'Under the Tuscan Sun' again, haven't you?"

He sounded sheepish when he answered, "Bella, it's a bloody brilliant book. Seriously. Food AND renovating – what's not to love?"

I laughed, "Pattsy, you are sooo..."

"Swan, if the next word that comes out of your mouth is 'adorable' I am going to reach through this phone and fucking throttle you."

"...um...okay, not finishing THAT sentence, obviously. Sooo, are you going to the pre-launch party tonight?"

"Yeah, a few of us from the movie have been invited, and since I no longer have to worry about Edward ripping my arms out of my sockets, I figured I might pop in and see what's going on. Is Edward going to sing?"

The mere mention of Edward singing made my thighs light up.

"Um...I think so. At least that's the plan."

"Okay, cool. So, I'll see you there?"

"Yeah you will."

We arranged to meet at the party at nine, and when I hung up I was startled when the phone immediately rang again.

I checked the screen. It was Edward.

I cleared my throat and answered.

"Why, hello Mr. Cullen. Thank you for ringing dial-a-perv. If you would like white-hot phone-sex, please press one. If you would like a mind-blowing blow-job, please press two. If you would like to plunder your girlfriend's body until she passes out from epic amounts of ecstasy, please press three."

I listened carefully and heard strange beeping noises and Edward grunting in the background.

"Oh, come on...just fucking do it," I heard him grumble.

"Mr. Cullen?"

He huffed in frustration.

"Just a second. I'm trying to figure out how to mash all those buttons at the same time. I've almost got it."

I giggled.

"Well, considering you're not even in the same city as I am, I think that maybe two and three are out of the running, don't you?"

"Woman, do you really think I'm going to let something like geography get in the way of me having my wicked way with you? I'm going to see you soon and when I do, I want to make sure you're mentally prepared for the staggering amount of pleasure I'm going to give you."

_Goddammit, he really couldn't be any sexier, could he?_

"Hmmm...I like the sound of that."

My cab pulled up at the hotel where I had my final delivery of the day. I immediately recognized it as the hotel Edward and I had stayed in when he appeared on SNL. My breath stopped in my lungs.

_Oh, God. This is the place where is all started - where Edward and I first made love. Where we first really declared our feelings for each other. Where we had a massive and extraordinary sexual marathon that almost killed us both. _

My heart suddenly kicked into overdrive.

_Somewhere in this building is The Magical Love Cave._

"Oh, Jesus," I breathed as a flood of memories and emotions rushed through me.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Edward asked, a sharp edge of concern coloring his voice.

"I'm fine," I answered as I walked into the building, nervous palpitations fluttering in my chest, "I'm just delivering my last press kit for the day, and you'll never guess where I am."

"Where?"

"The hotel where we first made love."

I heard him inhale sharply.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Nope. I'm walking into the foyer now."

I looked around and had the most incredible sense of deja vu. I remembered attacking Edward in the cab on the way back, hungrily sucking his tongue into my mouth before telling him I loved him. I remembered tugging on his hair as my hands raked over his body, desperate to be closer to him, to touch his skin, to explore his body in the most intimate of ways.

I started salivating.

"Bella? Are you still there?"

"Uh...yeah, I'm here."

I shook my head to bring myself back to reality and grabbed the piece of paper that told me which room I needed to deliver the media-kit to. I looked at the room number and frowned.

_No. Surely not. This is just too fucking weird. _

"Edward, can you remember which room we stayed in?"

"Ahh...the Magical Love Cave? I think it was room 1803. Why?"

_Holy crap. Yep. 1803._

"Cause that's the room I have to deliver this media-kit to."

I heard him exhale loudly.

"Whoa, Bella, that's just bizarre. Who's the recipient?"

I looked at my list.

"Um...it doesn't give a name. It just says 'very high profile and important music professional.' Jesus. It could be Paula Abdul for all I know."

"Christ, I hope not. Where are you now?"

"Just getting into the elevator."

I heard him moan softly.

"Jesus, Bella, do you remember what we did in that elevator?"

I pressed the call button and let my head fall back against the wall, my eyes closing as I remembered.

"Remind me," I said quietly.

His voice floated out of the phone and wrapped me in its velvet memories.

"I picked you up, remember? You wrapped your legs around me as I pinned you against the wall...I was sucking and kissing your neck like a crazy man. God, you tasted so damn good. You were all of my favorite flavors wrapped up in sweet-smelling skin. I remember you tugging on my hair which drove me fucking insane, and then...oh, God...then you reached down and grabbed my aching cock through my jeans. Jesus, Mary and Joseph – I nearly ripped your clothes off then and there. I really didn't think I was going to make it to our room."

I swallowed as my nipples hardened and a fierce, fiery ache ignited inside me.

"Oh, yes, I remember," I said, the burn inside me intensifying with every new memory. "When the doors opened, you threw me over your shoulder and practically ran down the hallway to our suite. You couldn't get that door open fast enough. It took you three tries to get the card in the slot."

He moaned.

"God, Bella, I had been dreaming about you for so long, fantasizing about your smell and your skin and your everything...and then suddenly, there you were...in my arms – my hands on your body, my tongue in your mouth. I was fucking insane with lust and love and a whole shit-load of other stuff I'd never felt with anyone before. Is it any wonder I was a massive hormone-crazed basket-case?"

The elevator doors opened and I slowly walked down the hallway on rubbery legs - every step towards the door at the end of the hall shooting another jolt of memory-pleasure straight to my core.

I took a deep breath as I approached the door and I could swear I smelled Edward.

I stopped and leaned against the wall, trying to pull myself together before embarrassing myself in front of a no-doubt famous journalist who may give Edward's album a bad review if I came across as a crazy person.

I knew I should hang up the phone but I couldn't drag myself away from his voice. The six hours I had to wait until I picked him up from the airport were going to be interminable.

I needed him - now – and I thought it was pretty damn unfair of the universe not to let me have him.

"Edward, I cannot WAIT to see you tonight. I've been crawling out of my skin all day just thinking about having your arms around me, your hands on me, your lips on me..."

"Bella, I haven't been able to think of anything else. I'm going insane with need for you at the moment. My hands are actually itching to touch you – like seriously fucking itching. It's extremely annoying. I may need to take an antihistamine."

I sighed at the thought of him laying his hands on me.

"Or you could just touch me."

He moaned and my thighs clenched involuntarily.

"That's the best fucking idea I've ever heard," he rasped, pure desire coating his voice.

Suddenly the door in front of me wrenched open and Edward was there – intense and hungry. His eyes locked onto mine and everything else in the world faded to grey except for him.

_Oh, dear Lord. He's here._

My breathing stopped, and simultaneously, our phones fell to the carpeted floor with quiet thuds.

"God, Bella," he groaned, his eyes dark and stormy.

"Edward?" I breathed, still shocked at seeing him standing just inside the door.

A rough moan rumbled out of him as he strode over to me, pressing me into the wall as his hot mouth covered mine - immediately hungry and demanding - his hands holding my face as our desperate need exploded between us.

My hands went to his waist, slipping quickly under his t-shirt, caressing the skin just above the waist-band of his jeans, snaking around and pushing up to grasp the firm muscles of his back as the weight of his body pressed me into the wall.

He moaned as my fingernails scraped roughly down his back, my fingers grasping and desperate as my body blazed and pulsed beneath him. He reached down to cup my ass, his large hands grabbing me and lifting me up, aligning our pelvises as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

God, this isn't real. How is he here?

_Jesus, Swan, you're going to question it? Can you not feel what he's doing with his tongue? Shut up and enjoy yourself._

He pushed into me and I gasped, white-light and sparks of pleasure shooting through me as he ground his erection against me, his mouth still open against mine, our tongues moving across each other frantically.

Finally, he pulled away, rubbing his thumb against my cheek as his dark eyes searched mine, his breathing uneven and sweet across my flushed face.

"You're here," I gasped in amazement.

He kissed me again, stealing what little breath I had, thrusting his tongue against mine with frantic need, his body pressing into me in the most delicious way imaginable.

He pulled back and leaned his forehead on mind, panting and breathless and perfect.

"I couldn't stay away."

***

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**Author's Notes**

**Ok, so let me just say this before you all kill me, THEY WILL BE HAVING TEH SEX NEXT CHAPTER. White-hot, multi-positional, poly-orgasmic sex. The cock-block embargo has officially been lifted. I'm still tossing up whether to do it in EPOV. Thoughts? Comments?**

**Please review. Reviews make me smile like an idiot and I value each and every one.**

**Love you all!!**

**Kiya x **


	30. Perfection Revisited

**Chapter Notes**

**First of all, I've received a bucket-load of new readers this week, many of whom have received a Gold Star and major bewb gropes for reading and reviewing EVERY DAMN CHAPTER!!! I can't tell you how hot that makes me. Thank you all and welcome to Screamers-Land.**

**Secondly, obviously, you, my awesome-assed readers are pimping this fic – and hard. Please to be putting your hand up if this is the case. I need to give you an official Screamers Pimp Hat. It rocks.**

**A big shout-out to the girls on Random Acts of Rob who have been recc-ing me all over the place. If you haven't checked out their site – DEW EEET! It's made of awesome and so are they.**

**Over the past couple of weeks I've noticed that we now have a small group of men reading this fic who I have quickly dubbed, "Screamer-Peens". Welcome guys!! It's nice to have the faint smell of testosterone floating around these pervy corridors. Thank you so much for your peen support. It makes my bits all tingly.**

**To my girls on Twitter, UU, FFFW and Twilighted – wildly inappropriate touching for you all.**

**To my Beta-Goddess, Catty-Wan – you are the best beta & friend a girl could ask for. I'm so incredibly grateful for your dedication and patience and sheer fuck-awesomenes that I don't have enough words. I love you.**

**Dislaimer: SM owns the Twilight characters - I own Giney & Godzy. Well, no that's not right. Giney & Godzy own me. Especially after this chapter.**

**Ok, there's more stuff to tell you but I'll do it at the end cause I know your pervy h00rs are probs just skimming this anyway so you can get to the smut.**

**Off you go. **

**Pants off.**

**RoseArcadia - this one's for you.  
**

**Enjoy.**

**

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**Chapter 30 – Perfection Revisited**

**EPOV**

"You're here," she breathed in disbelief, her eyes searching mine.

Her breath washed over my face and I couldn't stop myself from taking her mouth in mine, struggling to hold myself together as her nails scraped over my back, Godzy aching and twitching between us as she ground against me desperately.

Of course I was here. Where else would I be? When I wasn't with her, I was nowhere and no-one. With her in my arms I was home and happy - I was the man I never dreamed I could be, embraced by the woman who made all my fantasies a reality.

Realistically, being away from Bella was much like being strapped to a chair and being made to watch every episode of Hannah Montana ever made - staggeringly fucking unbearable.

"I couldn't stay away," I panted as I wrenched my mouth away from hers, my hands still moving over her body, unable to give up the soothing friction that I'd been itching for ever since she left me yesterday morning.

I could feel my heart thundering out of control in my chest, suddenly doubling in size because I was with her and she was touching me and her eyes were looking at me with love and lust and wonder, and I realized I could fucking stare into them forever and not care about anything else in the world but her and me and skin and lips and....

_Oh, Jesus._

I kissed her again, my tongue tasting hers, helpless to my desire as my hands tangled in her hair, my blood pressure shooting through the roof as our bodies screamed at us to stop goddamn procrastinating and just get naked already.

_For God's sake, Cullen, settle the fuck down! This is NOT how this reunion was supposed to go. You were supposed to invite her in, show her how much you loved her, take things slow – not practically rape her in the hallway._

She pulled away from me, gasping for breath, leaning back so she could look at my face. I bit back a groan as she gazed at me, gently tracing the contour of my jaw and mouth, trailing fire across my skin as I closed my eyes and gave in to the sensation.

"When did you get here?" she asked softly.

"A couple of hours ago," I answered, opening my eyes and pushing her hair away from her face.

_God, she's so beautiful._

"I've been going out of my mind waiting to see you. I wasn't kidding when I said my hands were itching to touch you. I've been climbing the fucking walls all morning just thinking about everything I wanted to say to you and everything I wanted to do to you, and I wanted to make everything perfect and special and right, and I could barely concentrate because all I could think about was that I was going to be seeing you soon and kissing you, and then everything else that wasn't you just dissolved into the part of my brain labeled 'unimportant' and then, when I thought I was going to go batshit fucking crazy and couldn't take it anymore, I called you, and you were here and oh...Jesus...Bella," I took in a huge breath and exhaled in happiness as I said, "You're here. Finally."

I bent my head and started kissing down her neck, my tongue flicking out to taste her skin as I went.

_Christ, she tastes incredible._

I wanted to rip her clothes off and taste the one part of her I'd been fantasizing about for weeks, but I figured getting her arrested for indecent public exposure would put a major dent in the activities I had planned for the next five hours. Plus, when I finally had her spread in front of me, I wanted to take my time making her scream my name, and I certainly wanted it to be a slightly more romantic location than a goddamn hotel hallway.

"How long have you been planning this?" she groaned, her head dropping to the side, allowing me access to the juncture between her neck and her collar bone.

_Fuck. If I could eat every meal for the rest of my life off of this part of her body, I would die a happy man._

"A while," I hummed into her skin, "Alice helped."

"Of course she did."

"I wanted to surprise you."

"You did," she gasped as my hand cupped her breast, squirming slightly as I moaned with satisfaction, "You still are."

I felt her hands start roaming across my chest, lightly fingering my nipples through my t-shirt before continuing down to caress my abs.

"Oh, Jesus, Bella..." I groaned, stopping her hand before she touched Godzy and completely obliterated the last few threads of control I had left. Her fingers curled into my stomach under my hand, digging her short nails into the tense muscles, making me hiss in pleasure.

Without thinking about it, my other hand trailed up her thigh, pushing up the front of her skirt until my fingers brushed the damp fabric of her panties, a low growl rumbling through me as the prehistoric animal inside me registered that I did that to her. _My_ touch made her wet and ready for me. I fucking loved it. It made me feel powerful, and my dick hardened even further as it tried to hoist a flag in honor of my masculine awesomeness.

I rubbed her through her panties, never taking my eyes off her face as her eyes fluttered and blazed, small gasps and moans tumbling out of her, feeding my soul and taunting my barely-contained cock-monster.

"Oh, God....Edward...." she panted, and I clenched my jaw as I fought the tantilizing urge to rip her ridiculously tiny panties off her.

_God, I have to get her out of this hallway before I do something really fucking stupid._

I groaned as my mind conjured up four or five pornographic scenarios that would definitely fit the 'really fucking stupid' label. They all revolved around us being spontaneously naked in a public place and me plunging my desperate cock into her repeatedly while she screamed my name at the top of her lungs.

Oh, God, yes. Let's do that. Best fucking idea EVER!!

_Godammit, Cullen! This is your last chance before you have a complete logic and moral breakdown. Do something!!_

"Would you like to come inside?" I panted, all my muscles aching with constraint as I looked quickly towards the open door.

"Inside, out here, on your fingers, on your cock, on your tongue...it's all good," she moaned, her head lolling back and hitting the wall with a loud thud.

I was torn between reacting to the complete and utter dick-hardening string of words she'd just said, and the protective urge I felt knowing that she had just hit her head really fucking hard.

Protective won out. Just barely.

I chuckled and pushed her skirt down, gently rubbing the back of her head as she winced.

"Are you okay?"

She looked at me and the last few cold splinters of guilt I still felt about leaving her almost melted in the warmth of her dazzling smile.

Almost.

"Edward, now that I'm with you, I'm perfect," she said, taking my hand from her head and bringing it down to her mouth where she kissed it gently.

_Christ, I love this woman._

I smiled as I stepped back from her, running my fingers through my hair and sighing heavily, watching as she smoothed her skirt and blouse, desperately trying to avoid the siren call her pert nipples were issuing to my hungry mouth.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the door.

"Come on," I said, excitement of a different kind building inside me, "I have something to show you. Close your eyes."

"Cullen," she said patiently, "First of all, I've already seen your cock. He's very pretty and extremely talented...and secondly, how are you going to show me anything if I have my eyes closed, genius?"

I kissed her deeply, pulling her hard against my body one last time as I growled in her ear, "Don't be a fucking smart-ass, Swan, and just do it, okay?"

She closed her eyes and giggled as I guided her inside and closed the door, leading her eagerly into the living room as the hand I wasn't holding swept out in front of her warily.

I stopped her as we reached the living room.

She sniffed the air.

"What is that? God, it's so familiar."

"Open your eyes," I said softly.

Her eyes opened and immediately went wide, talking in the scene before her.

I'd completely filled the room with vases of Lily of the Valley, and I'd drawn the drapes and placed dozens of vanilla scented pedestal candles around the room, filling it with a soft flickering glow. The Madman snickered inside me, teasing me that I'd probably grown ovaries, but I ignored him. This wasn't for him, or even for me – it was for Bella – and judging by the look on her face as she surveyed the romantic setting, it was totally fucking worth it.

"Oh, Edward," she breathed, looking around, her face beautiful and ethereal in the dancing light.

"Lily of the Valley," I said, walking her over to a large vase. "I remember you telling me they were one of the first things you sensed when you woke up in my hotel room the morning after we met." I chuckled as I remembered her in my bed that morning, growling and snarling and glorious. "You discovered you were naked, and swore black and blue that I had molested you while you slept."

She bent her head down and sniffed the white flowers, her eyes closing as she sighed contentedly.

"Ah, yes, I remember it well. I'm still not certain I believe the whole, 'Oh the doctor undressed you, I didn't even have a tiny peek,' bullshit. Be honest - you're too much of a perv not to have looked. Admit it."

I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her hard against my erection before casually resting my hand on her ass.

"You'll never know, Piss-Girl," I said, unable to keep the unmistakable rumble of lust from my voice, "My lips are sealed."

She grabbed the back of my neck and yanked my face down to hers.

"We'll see about that," she said, attacking my lips hungrily and thrusting her tongue into my mouth.

_Oh, for the love of GOD! Her tongue should be classified as a deadly weapon._

I groaned as I kissed her back, both of my hands grabbing her ass and pressing her into me as I became more concerned by the second that if my dick got any harder it would literally explode.

She pulled back, grabbing a handful of my hair and wrenching my head to the side as she ran her tongue along my jugular.

Alarm bells starting ringing inside me as every muscle in my body tensed for what I considered to be an inevitable cocksplosion of mammoth proportions.

"Fuck! Bella," I groaned desperately, "Please don't make my cock explode before he has the chance to make sweet love to Giney. That would be fucking tragic."

She stopped licking but held my head still as she demanded, "Tell me if you looked and I promise to let you go."

"I might have had a tiny peek," I panted, raking my eyes over her body and doing a pretty fucking good job of dissolving all of her clothes with my imagination.

_Cullen, that is soo not helping the critical pressure in your dick. Please desist._

"I knew it!" she crowed triumphantly, "Even back when I was unconscious and smelling of piss, you couldn't resist me."

I dragged my eyes back up to her face, cupping her cheek and running my thumb gently across her ear.

_She has no idea how completely and utterly she owns me, does she?_

_By the time this day is over, I'm sure as hell going to make her understand._

"Swan, I've never been able to resist you," I said gently, memorizing every contour of her face, "Don't you know that?"

A dark shadow passed behind her eyes, making my chest clench. I knew what she was thinking, and I was going to make it right. I had to make it right, for both our sakes.

I led her over to a blanket I'd laid out on the floor, a selection of her favorite foods spread out, and waiting for her.

She looked up at me and smiled.

"Edward, a picnic? This is too much. You didn't need to do all this."

"Yeah, I did," I said softly, taking a few strands of hair and wrapping them around my finger.

She smiled, her eyes telling me that she understood.

She sat down on the blanket, tugging me down beside her as she looked at the familiar square of cardboard I had set up.

"Oh, baby," she sighed pointing to the scrabble board, "You put 'cocksucker' on a triple word score?"

"And 'cummage' is there as well," I said with a smile as I took her hand in mine and kissed it softly. "All my favorite Bella words are there."

She pointed to a word near the top of the board and raised her eyebrows.

"This is a favorite Bella-word?"

I pressed my lips to her palm and thrilled as she shuddered slightly.

"Yes," I whispered, looking at where I had spelled 'Edward' out on the colored squares, "You saying my name is my all-time favorite Bella-word."

She leaned over and kissed me, peppering soft sweetness all over my face as she whispered my name over and over again. I closed my eyes and breathed in the small puffs of love that brushed over my skin. I was in heaven.

Suddenly she stopped and gasped.

"Edward!" she said fingering the blanket we were sitting on. "This isn't....?

I opened my eyes and smiled. "Yeah," I said, proud to have surprised her, "This is your blanket from the alley where we met. It's the reason _why_ we met. Well that and The Screamers."

"How did you get it?" she asked sighed in disbelief, running the flat of her palm over the rough fabric.

"Charlie Fed-Exed it to me."

She gasped.

"He kept it?"

"Yep. He said he couldn't bear to throw it away. I'm glad he didn't."

Her face softened.

"Oh, God...I miss Charlie so much."

I rubbed the back of her neck gently.

"I know, baby. He misses you too."

"I do not, however, miss the smell this blanket used to have. Thank God he laundered it."

I chuckled and watched as she ran her hands across the dark wool, a plethora of emotions fluttering over her face, showing me the map of her time on the streets as memories flooded her mind.

"My whole life changed that night," she said softly. "Even the most outrageous fantasies I ever had lying under this thing in that stinking alley can't compare to what I've experienced since you ripped it off me."

She reached out and stroked my cheek. I was surprised when I felt moisture moving under her fingers.

"You saved me, Edward. You do know that, don't you?"

I felt my chest tighten as I mirrored her hand on my face, stroking her cheek with my fingers.

"No, Bella," I said clenching my jaw to stop the knot of emotion in my throat from unraveling, "_You_ saved _me_."

I leaned in and kissed her – softly, reverently – trying to convey to her how staggeringly important she was to me, how much she had changed my life.

"Before I met you," I whispered, my forehead leaning against hers, "I had no idea how to be the man I knew I should be. I had found every single distraction and excuse in the world to be an asshole and a man-whore and an addict and a fuck-up....but I only needed one reason to be good and happy and whole – you."

I took a deep breath before continuing on. I had played out this scene in my head a million times – each time it ended in disappointment as I failed to properly explain to her the depth of my emotions – the cavernous pit of regret I had about hurting her. I prayed to any God that still gave a shit about me, to please help me find the right words now.

"Bella...I've never felt anything like the love I feel for you. I never even knew I was capable of it until you came tumbling into my life and turned everything I knew upside down and inside out, completely dazzling me with your light and heart and beauty. You are...perfection. You're my perfection."

I looked down, not satisfied that my words were strong enough and I was determined to find better ones.

"Bella...you fill up all my dark places with light. You find all the small, scared voices inside me and make them feel huge and strong and powerful. You make me believe that despite the massive world of fuck-uppery I've created for myself over the years, there's another world full of maturity and responsibility and love that I'm worthy of living in...that I WANT to live in...with you."

I chanced a glance into her eyes. They were glistening.

"Bella, I need you to know that I love you...with every single ounce of my heart and soul. I love you madly and passionately and totally. I also need you to know that no matter how much I love and worship you, I can't promise that I'm never going to make mistakes. I am. I'm going to make huge, hairy, messy mistakes that will probably piss you off and drive you insane and have you cursing my name, and at those times I expect you to slap me and yell at me and punish me in any way you see fit...but something I do promise you...and I promise you this with everything that I have...is that I will never, EVER run away from you again. I'm here. I'm yours. For as long as you'll have me."

A small breath hitched in her throat and I pushed up one of her sleeves and traced the faint pink scars that still marked her skin.

"These...I should have been there to see them heal...to help them heal. I was so fucking wrong to think we'd heal faster if we were apart."

I heard her exhale but her eyes wouldn't meet mine.

_Jesus, was I too late? Had I hurt her too much for her to trust me again? _

I put my fingers under her chin, lifting it slightly, so I could look into her eyes and will her to understand.

"I'll never leave you again, Bella, no matter what. Please say that you believe me."

She looked up at me, fierce and honest and passionate and...mine.

"I believe you, Edward, because if you ever try to leave me again, please know that I'm going to break both of your ankles with a sledgehammer, just like Kathy Bates did to James Caan in Misery, okay?"

I laughed, pulling her into me...breathing her into me, praising God that she was stronger and more resilient than I could ever hope to be.

"If I ever try to leave you again," I reassured her, "I'm officially the stupidest motherfucker on the planet and will gladly accept your brutal and completely justified ankle-breakage."

She scowled at me but her eyes were filled with softness.

"I should think so."

She buried herself into my chest and for a long time we just sat there, holding each other, letting our heartbeats readjust to being together again, letting them find a new rhythm unaffected by half-truths and omissions, by all of the bullshit from our pasts that had come between us in the past few weeks, by my utter fucking stupidity in thinking she was any less essential to my life than oxygen...and as I sat there and held her, feeling her heartbeat pound heavily through my ribcage, I could almost feel each perfect beat peeling back the papery layers of all the shit we had been through together, leaving only the flesh and fire and passion that was now free to breathe again. Leaving just us.

"Edward..." she said softly, her face coming up to look into mine, "I have never needed anything or anyone the way I need you. I need you so much that it sometimes scares the hell out of me. I feel so damn incomplete when I'm not with you I don't know how I stay upright. I need you to make me whole, to make me complete. Make love to me. Please."

I swallowed hard as my blood erupted in my veins. I brushed my lips against hers, the faintest hush of overwhelming passion passing between us as we inhaled each other's air.

"Well," I said, as my kisses got more desperate, "since you asked so nicely...."

I couldn't even pretend to hold back any longer as her tongue swept over my bottom lip and I captured it with my own, sucking on it hungrily and moaning as I pushed her down onto her back, my thighs pressing between hers, pushing them apart so I could settle between them.

"Yes," I heard her whisper as her hips lifted up, pressing herself against my aching length, her heat and desperation driving me crazy as I kissed the hell out of her, my hands instinctively gripping the front of her shirt, intent of ripping it from her body in as little time as possible.

_Ok, Cullen, just take it easy, asshole. You want to take your time with this, remember? She asked you to make love to her, not to fucking paw her like a pervy prom-date. Now, just settle the hell down and don't blow it...no pun intended. _

I closed my eyes and exhaled, biting down on my bottom lip and desperately trying to focus on anything but the overwhelming urge to take Bella roughly and quickly.

_Just breathe, dickhead. You can do this._

"Edward?"

I kept my eyes closed and continued breathing, ignoring the heat and electricity that was blasting from her body into mine.

"Yes," I answered through clenched teeth.

"Did you just jizz in your pants?"

I burst out laughing.

_Trust her to know exactly how to distract me from my control issues. She's been doing it ever since she made a fake fart noise in the elevator the day after we met. Fuck, she's incredible._

I opened my eyes and looked down on her as she desperately tried to stop herself from laughing at her own joke.

_Damn, she's adorable._

"No, Swan," I said, smiling, grinding my erection into her to prove that Godzy was still fully functional and ready for action, "I didn't fucking jizz in my pants, but believe me when I say that no man on earth would blame me if I had. You are devastatingly goddamn jizz-worthy."

She pushed me in the chest, urging me over onto my back. I went willingly.

She settled onto my pelvis, grinding lightly on my rock-hard erection and smirking with satisfaction when I grasped her hips roughly to stop her.

"Dammit, Bella," I groaned, "I know you think I have a never-flaccid-wonder-cock, but if you persist in trying to make me cum in my pants then you may have to wait a good thirty or forty seconds before I'm ready to sex you up properly. Please keep that in mind before you perpetrate any further sexy grindage on my over-wrought arousal."

She bent over me, her lips hovering tantilizingly close to mine.

"Hmmm...I'll try to remember that."

Her hand reached down between us, her fingers grazing over an extremely excited Godzy as he screamed at me to rip off my pants so she could really touch him. My hands slammed into the floor, and my fingers gripped the carpet desperately as I tried to ignore him.

I groaned loudly as Bella's fingers squeezed me hard, my back arching off the floor as I groaned, using every last ounce of willpower I had to resist the need to come as she stroked me.

"Bella....please...stop. I can't....oh, God...please..."

Her hand released me and I exhaled in relief, the overwhelming pressure inside me lessening slightly as I opened my eyes to see her staring down at me.

"Edward, you have no idea how turned on I get when I know that you're close to orgasm - that I can make your body react like that. It absolutely blows my mind."

"God, Bella, no-one has ever made me feel the way you do. No-one. You drive me fucking insane with lust."

Her lips pressed against mine and my hands automatically floated up to cup her face, guiding it to the side as our mouths opened and our tongues moved against each other languidly. The constant heat that she ignited inside me settled in my bones as we kissed, burning away everything but her – her taste, her smell, her skin...

"Edward," she said, frowning, light breaths peppering her voice, her soft fingers stroking my face, "How the fuck did I get here?"

I frowned back at her.

"Uh...you took a cab, baby. Don't you remember?"

"No," she said, her fingers trailing sparks across my lips, "I mean, how did I get to be here with you? As your girlfriend....your lover? How did I get everything I've ever wanted wrapped up in one Edward-shaped package? Please explain it because for the life of me I can't wrap my head around it."

"Well," I said, as she sat above me, my hands reaching up, my fingers finding the buttons of her blouse, "Once upon a time there was an Asstard, and this Asstard had major anger and self-control issues, and was pretty much a gargantuan fuck-up."

The first button pushed through the soft fabric and she gasped quietly.

"Un huh..." she said, urging me on, her eyes fixated on my fingers as I began to slowly undress her. She reached out and stroked my forearms as I continued.

"But then the Asstard met this girl, and she was amazing and fiery and just fucking stunning in every way, and all of a sudden, he didn't want to be a fuck-up any more,"

"I see," she said, her hungry eyes flickering to mine.

The second and third buttons let go, and I felt my breath speed up as the fabric parted slightly, exposing a sliver of perfect cleavage. My eyes were drawn to the creamy smoothness of Bella's breasts as I struggled to find enough saliva to swallow.

"I mean, this girl just got him, you know?" I rasped, dragging my eyes back up to her glorious face, flushed and pink and perfect. "She understood him better than he understood himself. She calmed him without trying. She affected him in such a profound way that pretty soon he couldn't imagine how the fuck he had managed to survive his whole life without her in it."

The final two buttons opened and my train of thought suddenly derailed violently as her shirt slipped easily down her silky arms, revealing her beautiful body to me. My fingers grazed over her lace-covered breasts, my body exploding with lust as my hands cupped them reverently.

"Oh, Edward, yes..."

I closed my eyes as my thumbs brushed over her hard nipples, a nuclear power-plant of electricity running from my hands through the rest of my body as she circled her hips on my aching length.

"Keep going," she pleaded, "Please, Edward."

I drew in a ragged breath as my hand moved across her soft perfection, my skin blazing as her fingers caressed my chest and abs.

"One day," I whispered, "this incredible woman told the Asstard that she loved him, and in that moment he realized that for his whole life he had been empty and restless and....wrong...because he didn't have her."

I flipped her over onto her back, quickly unzipping her skirt, pulling it down her legs and taking off her shoes before marveling at the sight of her, as her dark eyes looked up at me and my hands stroked her thighs.

"But of course he wasn't honest with her about who he used to be, because he was afraid she'd see that she was too good for him...that he didn't deserve someone as amazing and special as she was. He wanted so much to be honest with her, but he was terrified of losing her, and because he was such a short-sighted dumb-ass, he nearly lost her anyway."

She sat up, and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me to her face, her lips pressing into mine, her tongue thrusting into my mouth, her voice humming in my brain as she moaned and gripped my hair.

"Stupid man," she panted, as she pulled back, "Didn't he realize she was feeling exactly the same way? That she was sure that as soon as he found out about all the horrendous things she had done to survive, he would disappear like smoke, leaving her alone and devastated?"

She grabbed my T-shirt and pulled it over my head, her hands roaming over my shoulders and chest, her eyes following their progress as my muscles trembled and pulsed under her fingers.

"He was an idiot," I said, reaching behind her to unclasp her bra. "He couldn't see past his own insecurities, even though he so desperately wanted to."

I peeled off her bra, and groaned as her perfect breasts were revealed, my hands ghosting over them as her breathing became uneven and ragged.

"She did exactly the same thing," she panted, as her eyes closed, and her head dropping back slightly as my hands worshipped her, "They should have just been honest with each other...trusted each other with their fragile pasts...let the strength of their love heal old wounds. They were both so blind...so stupid."

I bent my head, my lips whispering across her perfect pink nipples, my panting breath hushing across her skin causing it to contract and shiver. Her hands found my hair, and she gripped it as she tried to draw me further in, her back arching as a low moan oozed out of her. My mouth moved across her hungrily, every swipe of my tongue feeding the flash-fire of desire that was making coherent thought increasingly fucking impossible with every passing second.

"Never again," I practically growled as I lay her gently on the floor, my hands grasping the thin lace of her panties and sliding them off - a loud, uncontrollable moan leaving my body as she was fully revealed to me – pink and glistening and perfect. I bent my head to taste her, my tongue practically singing with pleasure as her warm sweetness floated across it, small desperate whimpers tumbling out of her and wrapping me in their urgent need.

"Oh...Edward....God, yes. Promise me we'll never be stupid again."

"I promise," I murmured against her. She gasped, her hips thrusting forward onto my eager tongue, my fingers involuntarily digging into her hips as my mouth closed around her, sucking her roughly, feeling her body tense as her orgasm coiled inside her.

"Edward, please...I need you...now."

She grabbed my head and pulled me up to her face, her mouth claiming mine as her hands moved down to my belt, quickly pulling it free before she ripped open my jeans and pushed them down my legs.

I kept kissing her as I pulled my jeans and boxers off quickly, taking my shoes and socks off at the same time, kicking them all away as I finally pressed my naked body against hers.

"Ahhhh," I moaned as my chest pressed into her breasts, our hearts beating against each other through our pulsing skin.

"God, Bella," I rasped as I settled between her legs, my heart a battering ram against my ribcage, every inch of skin thrumming and buzzing as it whispered across hers. "I was so fucking stupid to think I could ever stay away. I was so lost without you. I never want to be without you again."

She looked up at me with love and forgiveness – the only two things I would ever need from her for the rest of my life – and gently pushed my hair away from my face.

"You never will be," she assured me, my whole being heaving a massive sigh of relief knowing that despite everything we'd been through – everything I'd done to her – we had survived it. Our love had survived. I was so fucking grateful I could barely breathe.

I reached for my jeans, trying to get a condom, but she pulled me back to her, saying, "No...no condom. I'm on the pill, and I don't want anything between us...ever again...please, Edward."

She didn't have to ask twice. I had fantasized about being bare with her more times than I could count. I had never done it with any other sexual partner - I never really felt the desire to...but with Bella, I wanted to feel every single inch of her – inside and out.

I kissed her again as we aligned our bodies, both of us trembling as our eyes locked, pure love and rough fire passing between us as I pushed into her, our simultaneous gasps of pleasure and astonishment echoing around us.

"Oh....Christ...Bella, I've...oh, Jesus...I've never felt anything like this. You're everything...you're my everything....always...."

I clenched my jaw as I buried myself inside her, my heart thundering as I felt her satin-slick walls pulse and throb around me. _Oh, dear God._ There were no barriers. Nothing distracting us or dulling the sensation of how right we were together. Nothing but flesh on flesh, naked and honest and glorious. I was lost and found a million times over in that single moment, and my brain was trying to comprehend what the hell was going on.

She looked up at me, and my heart exploded as I saw a single tear run down her cheek.

"Welcome home," she whispered.

Before I knew it, my own tears were mixing with hers.

"I love you, Bella. God, I love you so much."

"Show me."

I started to move inside her, our hands and mouths finding each other, caressing and tasting, every touch a statement, every sigh, a declaration.

"This is where I'm meant to be," I panted, as her legs wrapped around me, driving me deeper – oh Jesus – so much deeper into her.

"Say it," she said, her eyes communicating her intention, begging me to pass one final test. "You know what I need to hear. You know it's true now, Edward. You have to know. Please, say it."

I swallowed hard, a tidal wave of emotion crashing through me as I continued to move inside her, as her eyes and hands deflected my rising fear, making me safe and buoyant and invincible.

"Bella..."

"Edward, yes...God....say it...please...."

I felt her clenching around me, her eyes blazing into mine, passionate and sure and dazzling, giving me her courage, filling me with her love, promising me forever.

I took a deep breath and uttered the three most difficult words of my entire life.

"I deserve you," I whispered.

A loud sob wracked her as she touched my face, a look of immense pride lighting her up, making her more beautiful than I had ever seen her.

"I deserve you too," she gasped, her arms wrapping me in warm magic as we moaned in unison. "We both deserve this...after everything we've been through...this is our reward."

Her fingers suddenly gripped my shoulders fiercely as I deepened my thrusts, words of love and quiet prayers of thanks falling from me as her walls tightened, grasping at me as I moved in and out.

"Edward! Oh, Jesus...Edward...oh, yes..."

Her head flew back as she fell apart in front of my eyes, her face a masterpiece of pleasure, her body convulsing under me as her orgasm shuddered and pulsed around me.

She was fucking magnificent.

"Oh, Bella, oh God, oh God....I love you," I cried, rasping and desperate and content and grateful - Bella's name tumbling out of me in whispered moans and unspoken promises as I buried my head in her throat, plunging myself deep within her one last time as my orgasm quaked through me, my heart erupting as she groaned my name, over and over again.

We froze, clinging to each other desperately as rippling tides of ecstasy spiraled through us, all lust and love and skin, our shallow gasping breaths echoing around us. I had forgotten how right it felt to make love to her, how special she made me feel, how being inside her could make my heart pound with so much love it felt like it was going to fucking explode.

It was perfect.

She was perfect.

I was perfect because of her.

***

Hmmm. Skin.

Skin moving across my chest, softly, barely touching.

My arm, wrapped around something warm. My fingers brushing velvet-soft curves.

Small, warm puffs of air whispering over me, getting faster.

Gentle fingers on my face now, hushing my mind and making my body sing simultaneously.

I opened my eyes and saw her - beautiful and content and loving me with her eyes and silk-electric touches.

I smiled.

"Hi."

She smiled back.

"Hi yourself."

I leaned over and kissed her gently, my hands tangling in her hair, my body aching with satisfaction.

"You fell asleep," she said softly, her fingers tracing over the muscles in my chest. "I ate the food."

I looked over at the picnic blanket. Every single plate of food that had been laid out was empty. My mind reeled.

"Fucking hell, Swan! There was enough food there to feed a hungry football team!" She shrugged slightly. "You are a goddamn freak of nature, woman!"

She chuckled and started kissing my chest. I groaned as her soft lips grazed over my nipples.

"Takes one to know one, Cullen, and quite frankly you're hardly one to talk. Your mutant-cock has been hard ever since you rolled off me. What the hell is that all about?"

I looked down and saw Godzy, straight and hard and huge, lying proudly against my stomach. I sighed.

"I have no idea what that's all about, baby. I think he's defective. I may need an operation."

She gasped in horror.

"Don't you fucking DARE!! He's incredible and needs to be revered as the super-human glory-cock he truly is. Some men have to take a shitload of little blue pills to get the mojo you have naturally."

She bent her head over my stomach and stroked my now painfully hard erection with her fingertips. My fists clenched as I groaned.

"Don't you listen to him, Godzy," she said softly, her warm breath washing over him, blowing his one-track hard-on mind, "You are a very special cock. I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have a boyfriend with a wonder-cock, and I think I need to show you how grateful I am."

The word 'boyfriend' exploded inside my brain like warm fireworks.

She lifted my erection gently in her fingers, her lips grazing softly over the tip, my hips involuntarily lifting off the floor as she caressed me with the gentlest of touches.

_Oh, God, yes Bella. Put your mouth on me. Please. It's been so long. _

"Edward?" she said, her voice stroking me just as much as her fingers were, "Would you like me to worship your magnificent cock with my mouth?"

I groaned loudly.

_OH DEAR GOD, YES!!! NOW!! DO IT NOW!! _

I drew in a ragged breath.

"Meh. If you really want to," I shrugged, trying to keep the desperation out of my voice. "It doesn't bother me one way or the other, really."

Her eyes sparkled with mischief.

_Fuck. Good one, Cullen. You couldn't just say 'yes,' could you? Wise-ass._

"You're not _bothered_ if I suck your cock or not?" she asked in disbelief. "Oh, Cullen, I'm pretty fucking sure I can make you bothered."

She smirked at me before lowering her head, my hands frantically pulling her hair back so I could see what she was doing.

Her fingers grazed up and down my thighs as she started to kiss my stomach, carefully nibbling around my erection, her breath tickling and taunting me.

I could feel myself start to pant and I shook my head in frustration.

_Do your worst, Swan. I've been without your earth-shattering blow-jobs for so long now I've forgotten what the hell it is I'm missing out on._

The Madman almost vomited he scoffed so hard.

_Cullen, who the fuck do you think you're kidding? You have been fantasizing about her mouth enveloping your cock for fucking weeks. It's the one image that never fails to have you jizzing into your own hand in record fucking time. You are going down, my friend. Or rather, SHE'S going down while you'll be fucking begging her to. I give you thirty seconds._

I closed my eyes and groaned as her lips chartered a course over my abs, her fingertips ghosting over my skin, never quite touching the rigid length that was now aching for her with desperate fucking need.

"Oh...Jesus fucking Christ....Bellaaaa..."

I felt her lips smile against my skin.

"Yes, Edward? Are you bothered yet?"

Her tongue lathed over my stomach, her mouth open and wet, taunting me, torturing me. Godzy twitched violently as she passed within millimetres of him, the moist heaven of her mouth so close but still too far away.

"Goddammit, Bella.....please...."

_Obviously thirty seconds was optimistic. Fifteen seconds, Cullen? Really? That's all it took for the pleading to start? Jesus, you're pathetic._

Oh, like you could have held out any longer. LOOK AT HER FUCKING MOUTH FOR GOD'S SAKE! IT'S RIGHT THERE AND PERFECT AND...CHRIST, IT WOULD BE SO DAMN WARM IN THERE....

"Tell me what you want, Edward, and I might just give it to you."

_Tell her, Cullen, NOW! Stop playing games and just TELL HER!! It's my cock too and I need the warm heaven!!!_

"I want your mouth on me," I rasped, my eyes finding hers, knowing that the results of her torture were written all over my pained expression.

"I'm sorry, Edward, what was that?" She frowned in confusion and I almost bellowed with frustration.

"I want your mouth on me!" I said louder, a faint snarl curling my lips.

"Oh. I see," she mocked, her mouth closing over my hip-bone.

"FUCKING HELL!!!"

A huge rush of electricity blasted through me, my hand slapping the floor loudly as my back arched.

_Whoa. Not my cock but obviously an erogenous zone I didn't know I had._

"Like that?" she teased, her open mouth hovering near Godzy again, warm air taunting his sensitive tip.

"Not exactly," I moaned as my thundering pulse steadied slightly.

"Well, where _exactly_ would you like my mouth, Edward? Stop being so fucking vague," she taunted, with an edge of cutting sarcasm that made every muscle in my body tense in an effort to not fucking ravage her.

I swallowed the excess saliva pooling in my mouth.

"On my cock," I whispered through gritted teeth, every cell beginning to buzz in anticipation.

"I can't hear you, Edward," she said, her eyes blazing into mine, her voice ragged and rough. "Say it louder. Tell me where you want my mouth."

"I want your mouth on my cock!!" I cried, gasping loudly as her mouth closed around me as soon as the words had left my lips.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD, BELLA, YES!!!"

She took me deep into her unbelievably warm mouth as it closed around me, and every part of me tensed with pleasure. I felt myself groaning uncontrollably as she thrust me in and out of her, her teeth and tongue sliding and grazing over me in fucking unbelievable tandem, my brain struggling to comprehend the mind-blowingly erotic image of her lips moving up and down my aching arousal.

"Oh...Jesus...Bella....you're amazing....ah....yes...God, yes...."

Her hand gripped the bottom of my shaft, twisting and pumping in synchronicity with her mouth, quickly making the coiling pressure inside me reach new unbearable levels. My balls started to tighten as the low burn of my orgasm ignited in my abdomen.

"Uh...yes....oh, God, Bella...."

Suddenly she dug her fingertips into my lower abs, just above my now throbbing cock, pressing deep into the muscle as she continued to pump and suck with wild abandon. A flash of white ecstasy exploded behind my eyeballs as she circled her fingers, my back arching violently as a thick knot of pleasure inside me unraveled at the speed of light, blasting my orgasm through me like a hurricane, my voice roaring her name as I pulsed and erupted at the back of her throat.

"BELLAAAAA!!! GOD, YES!!!! OH...JESUS!! YES!!!"

I squeezed my eyes shut as euphoria rocketed through me, one hand gripping the carpet while the other hand grasped at Bella's hair, the silky strands thick in my fist as the last tremors of my release pounded through me.

I felt her mouth release me and her head snuggle into my chest, my ribcage expanding and contracting rapidly underneath her as I fought for air and the ability to form a single fucking coherent thought.

"Did you enjoy that?" she asked, a fucking huge air of smugness coating her sexy voice.

_Swan, you're evil. You a beautiful, evil blow-job savant and I can hardly fucking believe that you're mine._

I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into me as I panted and gasped, wanting to say something, but pretty much unable to do anything at the moment but just breathe.

I looked down.

_Jesus_.

For the first time in nearly two weeks, Godzy was relaxed. Well, semi relaxed at least.

My head thudded back onto the carpet as my body melted into the floor.

"Swan," I panted, grazing my hand across her creamy skin, "As unbelievable as it sounds, you finally did it. You tamed the cock-monster. Halleh-fucking-lujah."

***

Forty-three minutes later we had showered, molested each other once more on the bathroom vanity, and were now dressed in fluffy bathrobes and wrapped around each other on the king-sized bed, gently stroking each other and sighing drowsily.

"Hmmm...Edward?"

"Yeah."

"You have to get up."

I groaned and pulled her closer to me, sniffing her freshly washed hair. God, she smelled good.

"Swan, there is no way on God's green earth that is going to happen. I couldn't get it up again right now with a mile of steel cable and a giant crane. You fucking destroyed Godzilla with your insatiable mouth, and hands, and warm, tight, beautiful Giney...."

She giggled as my robe immediately tented noticeably. I looked down and shrugged.

"Oh...well, fine, Godzy. You dick. Make a complete fucking liar out of me why don't you? You're such a tool."

Bella exploded in a fit of giggles. I'd like to say it was because of my hilarious wit, but it was really because she found the word 'tool' gut-bustingly funny. I laughed with her.

"I said you need to 'get up', Cullen, not get 'it' up, you fucking perv," she sighed as our laughter subsided, "And as much as I'd like to take advantage of you again, I actually meant we have to get up and get ready. Alice, Jasper and Emmett will be arriving soon and I've got to get back to my hotel and get something to wear to the launch party tonight."

"No you don't," I said smugly.

She turned on her side to look at me. I mirrored her.

"Edward, I've already told you, I refuse to go out in public wearing only red-latex chaps and your giant hands as a bra. Forget the fantasy, buster. It ain't happening."

I smirked.

"Firstly, I'm NEVER giving up on that fantasy. It is made of awesome and one day I WILL make it happen. Secondly, all you need to do is lie there and look pretty, little lady...and maybe flash me your tits. Your man has everything under control."

"What are you up to, Asstard?" she asked suspiciously.

"Nothing."

"Uh huh."

As if on cue we heard a loud knocking.

Bella frowned at me.

"Okay, now, baby, don't freak out. It's just Bree."

Her face flushed with instant rage, the veins in her forehead popping out like a special effect in a horror movie. I was quietly impressed. And fucking terrified.

"Bella..."

"What the FUCK is she doing here, Edward?" she yelled at me. "Do you KNOW the shit she's been pulling on me for the past week? She's a fucking PSYCHO, and I swear to GOD if she even LOOKS at me wrong I'm going to introduce my fist to her nose. That's if I can pull it out of your ass long enough to find it, of course."

_Fuck me. Aggressive Bella was all kinds of hot._

"I just arranged for her to pick up your stuff from your hotel, baby, that's all. I couldn't stand the idea that you would have to leave me, even for an hour. She's just here to drop it off and then she's gone, okay?"

She glared at me and I stifled a groan.

"She's got two minutes, and then I start beating her with pieces of furniture."

I nodded and looked at my watch. Part of me knew she was joking but I totally understood her feelings about Bree.

Bree had started as a mild annoyance but now she was turning into a major fucking liability. She had been more than obvious about her feelings for me, and her dislike for Bella, and the fact that she disrespected my woman made my blood boil in my veins. I had dropped several hints to Alice about the possibility of firing her, but Alice was so wrapped up in spending quality time with Jasper, I think she chose to ignore it.

I understood that. I wasn't a complete idiot. She was going out with a man she had been fantasizing about for three years and he was blowing her mind on a daily basis. She'd been alone for a long time and her life was totally wrapped up in mine. If she fired Bree she would have to leave him and come on the road and babysit her fuck-up brother. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Still, my patience for Bree was at an all-time low, and I had to say, the thought of Bella roughing her up a bit was pretty damn stimulating.

"Baby, is it wrong that I find the thought of you beating the shit out of Bree incredibly fucking hot?"

The knocking happened again, only louder and more insistent than before.

Bella groaned and got off the bed, pulling me with her as she trudged towards to the door.

"I'm glad you feel that way, baby," she said as she shoved me in the direction of the god-awful knocking, "because the fantasy of me pounding Bree's face with my fists is infinitely more likely to happen than the latex chaps. Now let the she-devil in."

I braced myself as I pulled open the door, stumbling backwards as Bella's suitcase landed heavily in the middle of my chest and a flurry of strawberry blonde hair wafted past me, trailing an aural haze of banal word vomit.

"O-M-G, I am completely exhaustimacated! It's totes a madhouse out there today and the cab driver was all, 'so is this your first time in New York?' and I was like, 'Uh, right, in your dreams pal! 'cause even if it was, which it is, I would never tell HIM 'cause then he'd totes take me on the scenic route just so he could get a bigger fare out of me. Pfft, like that's gonna happen..."

"Bree!!" Bella yelled, glaring at her and putting her hands on her hips in the best 'don't fucking start with me bitch or I'mma have to hurt you' stance I'd ever seen. "Shut the fuck up. Give me my stuff and get out. I haven't finished sexing up my man."

_Oh. Wow. My girlfriend is a hard-ass. And fucking hot._

I was suddenly very aware that there was nothing restraining Godzy except for a flimsy piece of free-flowing terry cloth. I crossed my hands in front of my crotch to try and camouflage the effect Bella's words had on me.

"Oh, hello, Bella," Bree seethed acidly. "I was surprised to find your luggage was actually in a separate room from Rob's. I, like, thought for sure you two would have been shacking up together while Edward was totes working hard."

Bella's veins bulged alarmingly and I stepped in between her and Bree as I saw her fists clench at her side.

"Okay, alright," I said, pulling Bella in front of me and wrapping my arms around her waist, drawing her back into my erection and whispering in her ear, "Why don't we let Bree go on her way, so we can get back to more important things, okay, baby?"

She relaxed slightly against me and my mind suddenly reeled with the realization that if I lifted up the back of her robe I could have my cock inside her in about three seconds.

I had to get Bree the fuck out of here. NOW.

"Okay, Bree thanks for dropping off Bella's stuff. Now if you could go down to the ballroom, Alice said she wants you to supervise the theming and catering. She faxed through all the details to the banquet manager and they're waiting to meet with you. So, go. Go now. Why the hell aren't you moving yet?!"

Bree's face screwed up like I'd just asked her to eat a shit sandwich.

"Why do I have to do that? That's supposed to be Bella's job. Why do I have to go down and totes work my ass off while SHE gets to stay up here with you?"

"Because, Bree, you fucking irritating moron," Bella seethed, "First of all I'm his GIRLFRIEND so I automatically trump whatever sick creeper-crush you have going on with him, and secondly, I've been racing around all day covering up for YOUR goddamn incompetence, and apparently my karmic reward for that is to fuck the hell out of the insatiable sex-God who is currently rubbing his clit-twitchingly enormous erection against my ass. So unless you want to stay and watch me ride him like a rodeo star and make his fucking head explode with unparalleled ecstasy I suggest you get the fuck out of here right the hell now, bitch. Do you have any more dumb-fuck questions?"

_Oh. Fuck. Me. _

I clenched my jaw and concentrated really fucking hard on not cumming.

I watched Bree's face as pure hatred spread across it like noxious gas, lighting up her eyes and thinning her lips, making her look old and slightly unhinged.

"Fine," she said with eerie calm, "I have things to organize anyway."

She stalked towards the door, shooting Bella one last withering stare, as she walked through it and slammed it violently behind her.

"As soon as Alice gets here, that bitch is toast," Bella barked, whipping around and devouring my mouth. I had her robe off her in record time, pulling my own off as I backed her into the couch, my hands roaming all over her incredible body.

"Fuck me, Edward," she breathed, gripping my cock and squeezing it. "Fuck me hard."

GODDAMNMOTHERFUCKINGHALLELUJAHPRAISETHELORD!!!

I spun her around, bending her over the couch, grasping her hip with one hand and my cock with the other, running the aching tip along her folds.

"Are you sure you want it hard, baby?" I asked, praying like fuck that the answer was 'yes' or 'GOD, YES!!'

"Abso-fucking-lutely." _Close enough_. "Edward, Bree makes me want to pull my own head off in frustration. I need you to fuck that frustration out of me. Can you manage that?"

I growled as I shoved myself into her, hard, her back arching as she gasped loudly.

"I think I can manage that, baby," I snarled in her ear, holding still as I reveled in her tight warmth.

"Talk is cheap, Cullen," she groaned, "Put up or shut up, bitch."

"Swan, why are you still fucking talking when you should be screaming my name?"

I slammed into her, gripping her hips fiercely as she gasped and moaned.

"Oh...fuck, yes, Edward...just like that. Oh, Christ, yes...."

I pulled back and drove myself into her repeatedly, feeling her body grasp and grip me with every long, hard thrust, my teeth clenching with the effort to not dig my fingers into her soft flesh and mark her with my fucking hand-print.

"Bella....goddammit you feel so good...fuck...so good..."

I looked down to where we were joined and groaned loudly as I saw my shaft disappear into her over and over again, her gasps and moans of pleasure spurring me on, making me go faster, harder, deeper.

"Yes...yes...God, yes, Edward...oh, yes...you feel amazing..."

I leaned my forehead on her back as my thrusts got more desperate each time I buried myself in her, and her muscles tightened further around me until the pressure of my impending orgasm was excruciatingly strong.

"Oh, fuck...Bella...I'm so close...I need you to cum...right-the fuck-NOW!"

I immediately felt her clench around me and I reached between her legs and started pressing fast circles into her clit. She threw her head back as my other hand grabbed her breast, pinching her nipple roughly as my mouth came down on her neck, sucking at the soft flesh desperately, knowing I was marking her but too fucking distracted by her cumming around me to care.

"OH GOD, EDWARD!! OH, YES! FUCK, YES!!!"

I grunted and finally let my control go, letting my orgasm unravel inside me, slamming into her as my cock pulsed and exploded, the lower half of my body tensing uncontrollably, my voice incredibly fucking loud even to me.

"CHRIST, BELLA...OH, GODAMMIT...YES!!! FUCKING HELL!!!"

I pushed myself inside her and froze, blown away by the sensation of her walls contracting and releasing around me, so strong and tight, squeezing the last few pulses of pleasure out of me as all my muscles slumped with heavy contentment.

We gasped together, panting and sighing against the soft leather, a light sheen of sweat glistening between us.

"Cullen, I seriously need to market you as an executive stress relief tool. That was fucking incredible."

She started to giggle.

I smiled and sighed.

"You're laughing because you said the word 'tool', aren't you?"

She nodded and snorted.

"I can't help it. It's a hilarious word."

I eased out of her and turned her around, kissing her deeply as I pulled her into my chest.

"You are the most beautiful, fiery, fucking fantastic woman I have ever met, Isabella Marie Swan. Thank you for choosing me."

She reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck and I smiled as I realized I would never get tired of seeing myself through her eyes.

"Well, I'd like to take credit for that but quite frankly, you didn't leave me much choice," she sighed. "You're a remarkable man, Edward Anthony Cullen, and I plan on celebrating that fact every day you continue to let me bask in your glorious presence."

I groaned and kissed her again.

"Damn you, Swan, for being able to trump my sweet talk. I guess I'm going to have to work a little harder."

She brushed my hair away from my face with gentle fingers and said softly, "I think you've been working hard enough, Cullen. I can't tell you how proud I am of everything you've achieved recently. It blows my mind."

My heart swelled as she praised me. "The romantic in me wants to say that I did it all for you, but that's not true. I did it for me - so I could be worthy of you."

A slight knowing smile curled her lips. "I know...and I love you for it."

"I love you too."

I cupped her face in my hands and brought my mouth down to hers, moving softly across her silky lips, brushing my tongue over them, tasting them gently. She was utterly amazing...and she was mine.

Suddenly, an annoyingly perky version of 'Party in the USA' broke the relative silence of our sighs.

"What the hell is that?" Bella grumbled, grabbing her robe off the floor and shrugging into it as she walked over to her suitcase. "Why the fuck is my suitcase playing Miley Cyrus?"

I put on my robe and followed her, watching in morbid fascination as she unzipped her bag and grabbed a candy-pink Blackberry, looking at it in confusion.

"Why the hell is Bree's phone in my suitcase?"

I shrugged. "It must have fallen in there by mistake while she was packing your stuff up."

She frowned. "Should I answer it?"

"Probably. It could be something to do with the launch tonight and we don't want Alice's head to explode if something falls through the cracks."

Bella punched the answer button and held it to her ear.

"Hello....um....yes....sure...uh huh....uh huh....WHAT?"

I watched as she listened, a deep crimson blush slowly creeping up her neck and onto her face. Her breathing picked up as a look of absolute fury crossed her face.

"Where is she now?" she asked through clenched teeth, her eyes squeezing shut and a single tear trailing down her cheek.

_What the fuck is going on? Who the hell is on the other end of that phone?_

I placed my hand on her back but she shrugged me off violently, snapping her head around to glare at me.

"Thanks for the info, Mr Jenks. That is totes awesome. I'll let you know what I want to do with it shortly, okay?"

Her voice was low and strained and I could tell she was desperately trying to stay calm.

She pressed 'end' and threw the phone on the floor, turning to the suitcase and pulling clothes out frantically, picking up pieces randomly and getting dressed.

"Bella?"

"I'm going to fucking kill her, Edward. I can't BELIEVE this bullshit!! The rage I felt when I almost beat Phil to death? Absolutely NOTHING compared to the rage I feel right now."

She pulled on panties and a bra, every movement angry and sharp.

"What? Why?"

"I can't fucking believe she would do that!! Who the fuck does she think she is? All because she thinks you're hot and she thinks I'm standing in her way?!! Un-fucking-believable!!"

She yanked on some jeans, muttering to herself. "I knew she was up to something. I fucking knew it. I should have told Alice to can her ass when I had the chance. Fucking evil cow."

She tugged on a shirt and searched frantically for shoes.

"Baby," I said, trying to get her to look at me, "You have to give me more information. I have no fucking clue what you're talking about."

She grabbed some Keds and shoved her feet into them violently.

"I'm going to pound her fucking face in. I'm going to smash that expensive goddamn nose of hers and laugh like a lunatic while I do it. She has fucked with me for the last time."

She strode towards the door and yanked it open. I shoved my hand against it, slamming it loudly as I grabbed her arm and spun her around to face me.

"Bella!! Stop! You need to tell me what the FUCK is going on and you need to tell me now."

She stopped and looked up at me, her eyes bright with emotion.

"That was a private investigator Bree has employed to look into my past. He's been digging up dirt on me and feeding it to various journalists – THAT'S what the FUCK is going on, Edward!"

I huge jolt of anger rocketed through me.

"What?!" I said through clenched teeth, my blood boiling in my veins.

"The pictures of Rob and me in the restaurant? That was him. The ambush on Marcus' show? Him."

I released her arm as my fist clenched.

I squeezed my eyes shut as my brain struggled to wrap itself around the information.

Bree was the leak. Of course she was. Who else could it have been? Bella and I were too busy trying to sort our shit out to really focus on Bree's fuckery and now it was too late. God knows what the P.I had found out about Bella's past, and fuck knows who he'd told. The thought of people finding out about her past and judging her without knowing the full story made me fucking homicidal. I pushed down the urges, controlling my breathing, releasing my coiled muscles so I could be strong for her.

I looked up to see Bella's mouth quivering.

"He found my mother," she whispered.

My stomach dropped through the floor. "Oh, God...Bella..."

"He wants to know what I...I mean, Bree, wants to do with the information."

Her eyes glazed over with the same flinty resolve she had when I first met her. I could see what she was doing. She was pushing the emotions down, cementing them behind a diamond hard wall. She was cutting herself off.

There was no fucking way I was going to let that happen.

My mind exploded with possible ways to fix this. I needed to fix this. Bella had to be protected and I needed to be the one protecting her. The fact that Bree could stoop so fucking low and try to hurt the woman I loved, because of some sick crush she had on me, made my head pound with caustic rage.

I grabbed Bella and dragged her towards the bedroom. I needed to get dressed and I needed her with me so I wouldn't demolish the fucking hotel room in the process.

"Come on," I growled, pulling on my jeans and t-shirt while she watched in stiff silence.

"Edward, I don't know what to do."

I walked over to her and took her by the shoulders.

"Bella, I'm so angry I want to rip Bree's fucking head off, but considering what she's done, that would be way too fucking quick and painless for her. I have a better idea."

She frowned with confusion.

"What are you going to do?"

I kissed her hard on the lips and grabbed her hand, pulling her towards the door, exhaling loudly and trying to calm the storm of anger and revenge inside me.

"Grab her phone," I growled. "I need to have a conversation with Mr Jenks, and then I need to talk to Alice." I turned to Bella. She was looking at me expectantly.

I smiled reassuringly and said in a low voice, "Baby, I'm going to fix this, okay? That bitch is going down."

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**Oh, SNAP!! Edward is pah-issed, and Bree is about to reap the fucking whirlwind, peeps.**

**Now, one or more of you glorious pervs nominated me for a Golden Chocolate Award for Best Review Replier. Thank you!!! **

***Now feels excess pressure to reply to every reviewer – twice***

**If you want to vote for me, here's the link - Replace the (dot) of course – http://goldenchocolateadwards(dot)webs(dot)**

***Deep breath***

**So, in other news, I've put myself up for auction for the Twilight Fandom Gives Back Author Auction. I'm offering a one-shot up to 10K words and you can pretty much ask for whatever you want. Want more Giney & Godzy? Done. Want more Alice & Dr. McHottsper? Done. Want Rob fucking you roughly on the dining room table? Me too.**

***Dear God, just please don't make me do Emmett/Rob slash***

**Please bid. All the money goes to an AMAZING cause.**

**http://thefandomgivesback(dot)blogspot(dot)com/**

**The auction will be running from the 15****th**** - 20****th**** of November. Follow me on Twitter and I'll make sure you're kept up to date with what's happening.**

**If you want to join TEAM GODZY and pool money with others to win the one-shot, PM mah home-girl and uber-pimp, sunshine00. She'll take care of you.**

**Whew. ****I**** think I'm done.**

**Now, punch that review button and get a teaser of Bree's smackdown.**

**Love you all,**

**Kiya x.**


	31. Smackdown

**Chapter Notes**

**I just want to say that I love you guys so much it makes mah heart hurt. Thank you so much for continuing to read my written therapy. I can't truly express how much you all mean to me.**

**Now, there have been heaps of new Rob interviews recently and the gorgeous thirtysomething sent me a link to this delicious quote:**

"_**The fan fiction is amazing: I've been sent whole novels featuring me as myself, in the Twilight world, with Edward in it as well."**_

**Now, I know I'm probably reading WAY too much into this, but I'm taking that as fucking PROOF Rob is reading The Screamers, officially making him a Screamer Peen.**

***Kiya waves like a ridiculous fan-girl* **

**Hi Rob!!! Please don't hate me for making you comic relief in this fic. I love and respect you more than is probably normal, and I seriously hope my depiction of you hasn't caused offense. If it has, please contact me at once so I can submit to an immediate spanking. Sincerely, Kiya.**

**To my Beta-Goddess, Catty-Wan – You are my one, my only, my always and forever. Thank you for everything to do for me, and to me. You know what I'm talking about.**

**Disclaimer – SM owns the Twilight characters. I own a serious delusion that Rob Pattinson could be reading my words at this very second and smiling. Le sigh.**

**Enjoy.**

**

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**Chapter 31 - Smackdown**

**EPOV**

I ran my fingers through my uncooperative hair and looked in the mirror one last time. I had showered and changed into what Alice had chosen for me to wear to the launch party – dark jeans, tight black t-shirt, and black leather jacket. She hadn't specified the look of black murder I wore on my face, but at this point I couldn't fucking help that. I looked how I felt – dark and dangerous. I seriously hoped I could get through the next half-hour without completely losing my shit.

I exhaled heavily and looked myself in the eye.

"This is it, Cullen. For fuck's sake, hold it together, and don't punch anyone – not even Bree."

A light burn of restrained fury shimmered through me as I left the bathroom to find Bella. She was standing in front of the bedroom windows, wearing a short, black cocktail-dress, gloriously backlit by the sunset, her hair blazing with orange-gold.

God, she was so stunning I could barely breathe.

I walked over and eased her hair away from her neck, planting several soft kisses on her sweet skin and inhaling her unique scent.

Fuck me. Nothing smelled as good as Bella. Not food or nature or the world's most expensive perfume. Nothing. She smelled like perfection.

Her body relaxed back against me, and she sighed as my hands circled her waist, pulling her flush against my body.

"Hmmm...Edward..." she moaned, as her head dropped back onto my shoulder, and my mouth moved over her soft skin, desperately trying to distract her from the fuckery that had left her quiet and distant for the past few hours.

She turned around to face me, her eyes roaming over my body before settling on my face.

"Jesus, Edward, are you trying to kill me with this outfit?"

I took in the tight, strapless bodice of her dress and the massive expanse of creamy thigh exposed between the hem of her skirt and the ridiculously sexy shoes she was wearing. An involuntary groan oozed out of me.

"Fucking hell, Swan, I could say the same thing."

I could feel myself grow hard as I stared at her, but the guarded pain behind her eyes reminded me that tonight wasn't about me, it was about her. More specifically, it was about me protecting her, making sure that she felt safe and loved and nothing short of fucking incredible, because that's what she was, and I was going to destroy anyone who tried to make her feel otherwise.

Christ, when I thought about what might have happened if she hadn't found Bree's phone today...my head pounded with sickening possibilities.

Bree – the conniving hell-bitch we had all underestimated.

My mind was still reeling with the amount of crap I had discovered about Bree in the past couple of hours, and every time I stopped to consider just how much damage she could have caused – that she PLANNED to cause - violent rage coiled inside my body like a deadly viper, ready to strike out at her.

I took a steadying breath.

It was time to go. Bree was about to find out exactly what happened to people who fucked with the woman I loved, and it wasn't going to be pretty.

"Are you ready?" I asked Bella, kissing her softly and drawing her into me.

She kissed me back hesitantly before whispering, "I guess so."

I stroked her face and sighed in frustration. I hated that she was withdrawing from me. It made me fucking crazy. I know the fact that Jenks had found her Mom was screwing with her mind and I had no clue how to help her deal with it. I wanted to talk to her about it, re-assure her that it would be okay because I was pretty fucking certain that as long as we were together, we could handle anything, but now was not the time. We had to deal with Bree, and we had to do it before she said 'totes' one more damn time, forcing me to kill her horribly.

I took Bella's hand and led her into the living room.

_Jesus. _

The layer of uncomfortable silence that was smothering the room hit me hard in the chest as I read the expressions of Alice, Jasper and Emmett.

Alice looked up at us as we entered the room, her face a thundercloud of emotion. She had been apologizing to Bella from the moment she heard about Bree, completely blaming herself for not spotting her deception sooner. Now the regret had given way to fierce anger. Even to me, my tiny sister was fucking frightening at the moment. I couldn't wait for Bree to witness Alice's fury first-hand. I was hoping for some kind of involuntary urination. It seemed only fair.

I watched as Alice's jaw clenched, her tiny frame almost shuddering with rage. I could see Jasper eyeing her warily. He gave me a quick look, letting me know that he had her covered.

Thank God. I had enough to worry about trying to keep myself from punching the hell out of Bree, I really didn't need to worry about Alice going all "Million Dollar Baby" on her sorry ass.

I looked over at Emmett who was staring at me intently and frowning slightly.

"You okay, Daisy?" he asked carefully, leaning forward in his chair and quickly scanning my body language.

"So far, so good," I answered honestly, "My hands are itching to slap the hell out a certain someone we all know and hate, but I think I have it under control."

There was no point trying to hide my emotions from Emmett anymore. He could read me like a large-lettered Dr Seuss book with bright, pop-up pictures.

"Good," he said, obviously pleased with my honesty, "Just let me know if you need me to cover you. This is going to be a pretty fucking stressful situation and although you've come a long way from the impulsive asshole I met a few weeks ago, you're still not exactly Ghandi, so know your fucking limits and don't push it, understand?"

I clenched my jaw and nodded. I knew I had to get through this for Bella's sake, but it was good to know that Emmett had my back if things went to shit.

"Let's go," I said, putting my arm around Bella and leading her to the door.

We all travelled down in the elevator in heavy silence, no-one making eye contact, everyone still processing the afternoon's events.

When the door opened on the third level, we all strode down the long corridor to the conference room with determined purpose, our common goal of taking Bree down crackling like electricity around us.

I smirked to myself as I heard Emmett quietly humming the theme to 'The A-Team'.

I opened the door and let them all file in before stopping Bella and pulling her into my arms.

"This will all be over soon," I promised her as I laced my fingers with hers, bringing her hand up to my face so I could kiss it gently.

She sighed and gave me a small smile.

"Are you sure that I can't just pop out quickly and buy a baseball bat? I could be back in fifteen minutes, I swear to God."

I chuckled and kissed her beautiful mouth.

"This will be so much better. She won't bother you again when we get through with her, I promise, baby."

She nodded and kissed me quickly before moving into the conference room.

I took a deep breath and pulled out my phone, punching in Bree's number and pacing agitatedly as I waited for her to answer.

"EC! Wow! Hi! How are you? Do you need me to do something for you? I told Em that he should give you a massage when he arrived. I even bought some more oil. It's supposed to be like, totes awesome for your skin. I could put some on your chest if you'd like..."

I shuddered violently and tried not to throw up in my mouth.

"Bree, I need you to come to the conference room on the third floor. Now."

"Um...ok...why?"

I tried to swallow the string of profanities that filled my brain.

"Because I fucking told you to, okay? Get your ass up here fucking pronto."

_So, a few profanities slipped out. So fucking what?_

"Ah...sure, EC," she said warily, "I'll be right there."

_You should be wary, bitch. You have a lot to fucking answer for and Team Cullen is just about to put the smackdown on you._

I walked into the conference room to find Alice putting all our evidence in place. Her movements were full of aggression. I put my hands on her shoulders as she placed the last folder, pulling her gently around to face me.

Her eyes blazed up at me.

"Alice..."

"No, Edward," she snapped, "Don't fucking try to make me feel better. I've been a fucking useless piece of shit throughout this whole goddamn Bree debacle and I deserve to be fucking punished in the most heinous way imaginable. In fact, I'm going to punish myself by not letting myself have sex with Jasper for a whole week. For me, that's the equivalent of slowly sawing off my leg with a rusty bread-knife."

"Ah, Alice? Baby?" Jasper said from the opposite side of the table, "I think you and I should have a discussion about this before you go making any rash decisions about our sex life."

"You shut the hell up Dr. My-magical-cock-will-hypnotize-you-so-damn-much-you'll-be-completely-unable-to-detect-the-fetid-stench-of-rancid-ass-fuckery-even-when-it's-happening-right-under-your-goddamn-nose-possibly-jeopardizing-everything-you've-worked-for-over-the-last-five-years-not-to-mention-that-it-could-seriously-hurt-the-most-amazing-woman-and-best-friend-a-tragic-cock-addict-could-ever-hope-for. If you hadn't worked your crazy sex-god-mojo on me and lulled me into an orgasmic coma of cluelessness, I probably would have discovered what a cunty ho Bree was weeks ago and would now have her languishing in a home-made pit, forcing her to 'rub the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again' while I tried to figure out how to make a biker-jacket out of her damn skin. The no-sex embargo stands. We both fucking deserve it."

Jasper sighed and dropped his head into his hands, mumbling to himself, "It's so wrong that I find her completely inappropriate venomous diatribe so damn arousing. So wrong."

Alice strode over to him and grabbed his face in her hands, kissing him passionately before flopping down into a chair and sighing deeply.

"Let's get this over with. I have some non-sex to perpetrate on my man's extremely fine ass."

I glanced at Jasper who looked like he was fighting the urge to take my sister roughly on the giant table in front of them.

"What she said," he rasped quietly.

I glanced at Bella who was suppressing a smile. Alice looked at her with apologetic eyes.

"I'm sorry I was such a clueless idiot, Bells," she said sincerely.

Bella nodded seriously.

"Well, thanks for that, Alice. I didn't get the message the first three hundred times you apologized. Never mind the fact that you couldn't possibly know what was going on with Bree because I chose to keep it from you. I didn't want to bother you with our school-yard bitch-fest, so really, I'm the one who should be apologizing to all of you."

At that moment Bree walked through the door, her mouth gaping open in mock-horror as she registered Bella's last few words.

"You're apologizing, Bella? Awesome-sauce with cheese on top! I'm totes glad you called me here for this." She stopped short when she registered the look on my face.

"Shut your mouth and sit down, Bree," I seethed, motioning for her to sit in the chair at the head of the long conference table. "We're not here to talk about Bella, we're here to talk about you. More specifically, we're here to fire you."

Bree's eyes went wide as she looked around the table, at five sets of angry eyes offering her no refuge or sympathy.

"What? Why? I've been totes working my ass off for you EC," she said desperately, looking up at me in confusion, "Why the hell would you fire me?"

I gripped the back of the chair in front of me, my knuckles turning white as I tried to keep myself under control, narrowing my eyes at her as she looked up at me desperately.

"Bree, are you seriously going to fucking sit there and claim ignorance after everything you've done to Bella recently? Everything you've done to me?"

Her eyes turned hard and I realized that not only was she a conniving cow, but she was also a consummate actress. The vaguely-obtuse non-threatening demeanor she usually cultivated was dropped, and in its place was a fierce, toxic resolve that made my fucking skin try to crawl off my body.

"I haven't done anything to you, Edward," she said quietly. "Everything I've done was to help you. Don't you know by now that I would do ANYTHING to help you?"

I grabbed a bag off the floor and dumped its contents onto the table in front of her.

"Is that why we found this stuff in your room, Bree? Please explain to me how the hell you were trying to help me by stealing my stuff?"

She watched as a collection of my t-shirts, gym gear, even underwear flopped onto the table in front of her, and her eyes widened in surprise. I could almost see the cogs of her brain turn as she scrambled to find an excuse.

"Uh…well…what can I say, EC? You're careless. You always leave stuff lying around. I was just holding onto it for you. I was totes going to give it back."

I heard Alice growl from across the table and Jasper quickly put a hand on her shoulder.

"What about these?" I demanded, throwing a collection of photographs down in front of her. They showed me in various stages of undress. Several were taken inside the damn locker room at the gym. "Do you have an explanation for these? They were found stored on your phone, Bree."

Her eyes flicked from me to the pictures, a look of dawning horror crossing her face.

"I...um...I have no idea how they got there," she sputtered. "I lost my phone yesterday. Anyone could have taken those."

I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. This girl was fucking unbelievable. She seriously had no shame at all.

Time to bring out the big guns. I grabbed a piece of paper from a folder in front of me and slapped it on the table.

"What about this, Bree? Recognize the face? Care to try and explain why this document says your name is really Lauren Mallory and that up until three years ago Bree Martin didn't even exist?"

She went white and her mouth dropped open.

"How did you..."

_At fucking last. The ice-queen has been rattled._

"You're not the only one who can troll through someone's past. I've spoken to Jay Jenks, and after I offered to double what you were paying him, he was only too pleased to help me dig up what I needed to know. I'm aware of exactly what the fuck you've been up to over the past few weeks. The media leaks...looking into Bella's past...finding her mother - all of it. Don't even fucking try to deny it or I swear to God I'll break my personal taboo about hitting women."

She blushed furiously.

"I also know that you changed your name because three years ago Lauren Mallory was issued with a restraining order for stalking John Mayer while working for his publicity company, and that you forged official documents and references in order to get a job with Alice."

She quickly looked at Alice and almost reeled in pain as Alice's glare hit her like a ton of white-hot bricks.

"Is that was this is all about, Bree? The fact that you had a stupid adolescent crush on me and you thought by doing all this bullshit you'd have a chance with me? Can't you see how unbelievably fucked-up that is?"

She looked up at me, her eyes brimming with tears. I frowned because at this point, I didn't even know if they were real or not.

"It's NOT fucked up," she cried, pushing her chair away from the table and standing up, "You and I are meant to be together, EC, and what's fucked up is that you can't even see that! We'd be AWESOME together, but instead you waste your time on a filthy WHORE who'll NEVER be good enough for you!"

The blast of rage that pummelled through me when she insulted Bella almost knocked me on my ass. I closed my eyes and breathed slowly as I willed my fists to stay balled at my sides.

"Bree, knock it the fuck off," I heard Emmett warn dangerously.

"Why?" she yelled petulantly, "I'm getting fired anyway, so I might as well lay all my cards on the table! Don't the rest of you find it fucking disturbing that Bella used to practically be a prostitute and NOW she's pulling off the biggest scam in the world by manipulating her way into being Edward's GIRLFRIEND? Am I the ONLY one who sees how bad for him she really is? Really? How is anyone going to take EC seriously knowing that his girlfriend has slept with half the low-life's in L.A?

"YOU MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING HYPOCRITE!!!" Alice bellowed from across the table.

She grabbed her laptop from in front of her and strode over to Bree.

"Alice..." Jasper said cautiously.

"Don't worry, honey," she said slamming the computer down in front of Bree, "I'm not going to hit her. I wouldn't fucking lower myself to touch this fucking skank."

She spun the screen around so Bree could see it.

"If you know ANYTHING about Bella's past, you craptastic cunt-pickle, you'll know that she did what she did to keep a roof over her head and food in her mouth after she was kicked out of her house by her piece of shit mother for defending herself against her abusive, asshole step-father. What's your fucking excuse?"

She punched a button and Bree's face crumpled in horror as her whining, keening moans floated out of the laptop and echoed around the conference room.

"Oh…oh…my God," she said, glaring at Alice in disbelief. "Where did this come from?! Where the hell did you get this?!"

Alice snarled at her.

"Did you really think that you could fuck your way through John Mayer's entire touring crew AND band without them figuring out what a desperate loser you were? Four of them taped you, you fucking idiot, and then they laughed their asses off about you behind your back. Explain to me how what you did is more noble than what Bella did? At least she had a fucking good reason. You were just a pathetically clueless cum-jar."

Bree smashed the laptop shut, her face contorting with rage.

"They said they'd put in a good word for me with John!! They promised!!! John and I were perfect for each other!! He just needed time to see that!!!"

A sarcastic laugh burst out of me.

"Do you think that's what I need too, Bree? Time?" I spat, not quite able to wrap my head around the level of delusion she was able to cultivate. "You can't MAKE people fall in love with you, for Christ's sake!! They either feel a connection with you or they don't!"

"If SHE wasn't here you WOULD feel a connection!" she cried at me, pointing viciously at Bella as her face became flushed and desperate. "She's not GOOD enough for you, EC! Why am I the only one who can see that? Apart from the fact she's probably got diseases coming out her wazoo, she's a publicity nightmare!"

I glanced quickly at Bella whose face was completely impassive. My balls shriveled. Bella was never impassive. This was not fucking good.

"Bree, the only reason she's a publicity nightmare is because YOU made it that way!! And if you say one more derogatory comment about her, I swear to God and all the saints, being a woman will not save you from me dropping you on your ass. Hard."

"Go ahead!! It's not like you could hurt me anymore than you already have!! I can't believe you've been so totes blind to how I felt about you all this time!!"

"I wasn't blind, Bree. I knew EXACTLY how you felt. I just chose to ignore it because I could NEVER feel the same way! I'm IN LOVE with BELLA!!"

"Well, then, you're fucking INSANE!!"

"Hah! That's rich, coming from YOU!!"

"ALL RIGHT, THAT'S E-FUCKING-NUFF!!"

All eyes turned to Emmett who was standing with his palms flat on the table, his neck bulging with tension.

"Edward, settle the fuck down before I insert my manly size ten Nike in your uptight ass…and Bree," he said through clenched teeth, "I have spent fucking YEARS cultivating my extreme and awesome reservoir of serenity, but woman, you are wearing my last fucking nerve." He took a deep breath and glared at her. "You seriously need to shut the fuck up. Now."

Bree opened her mouth to say something else but thought better of it when she saw Emmett's fists clenched on the table. She closed her mouth and exhaled, her shoulders slumping slightly.

"Good girl," Emmett sighed in relief, as he pushed himself away from the table and paced slowly around the room.

"Now, we can talk about this issue until we're blue in the face, but let me wrap it up in a big, fat fucking nutshell for you all. Bree – your behavior has been fucking appalling. You've not only lied about your identity and your motives for taking this job, but you've betrayed the two people who gave you an incredible professional opportunity and who you should have showed at least SOME fucking loyalty to – Alice and Edward. On top of all that, you have some seriously fucked up stalker tendencies and I'm pretty damn sure that, if he really wanted to, Edward could press charges and have you thrown in jail before you could say, "Whoa, this is totes unfair." Are you following me so far?"

Bree looked around the room warily, finally realizing that she was eye-ball deep in crap and the tide was rising fast. She nodded hesitantly.

"Now," Emmett continued, "the game is obviously fucking up and there's no doubt that you need to pay for the mind-blowing amount of deceit you've perpetrated. The question is, what the fuck do we do with you?"

He looked expectantly at Alice who shook her head and exhaled loudly.

"Well, I should call the goddamn cops on your ass, Bree, it's no less than you deserve, but unfortunately my earth-shatteringly sexy boyfriend fucked all my mindless revenge out of me earlier today so I've decided to go with my plan B, but you'd better believe that this is a one-time-only offer, so I strongly fucking suggest that you take it."

A look of bleak hope flashed across Bree's face. Oh, if she only knew what was coming.

"If you renege on this deal in ANY way...if you even THINK of fucking with me, I've got you on fraud, theft, invasion of privacy and embezzlement, considering you used the company credit card as your own personal money tree. As long as you abide by my terms I'll bury the fuckton of evidence I have against you, but ONLY if you agree to the following.

One – you apologize to Bella for the staggering amount of crap you've put her through recently, and you'd better make the apology fucking spectacular or I'll forgo my aversion to dirtying my fists on your scum-laden face and pound you into a bloody mess.

Two – you will send a prepared statement, which I've already typed up, to EVERY journalist you leaked crap to, stating that the information you sent them was bullshit designed to discredit the girlfriend of the man you had a pathetic, needy, school-girl crush on. I'm pretty fucking certain the words 'I'm a worthless piece of crap' make an appearance in the aforementioned statement.

Three – you promise to NEVER come near, talk to, contact, or gossip about Edward, Bella, or anyone in this room ever again. I'm going to be watching you like a fucking hawk, and if I even get a whiff of you running off your mouth about ANYONE on Team Cullen in the future, I'll have you up on a truckload of criminal charges so damn fast it would make your empty head spin right off your fucking neck. I will also ensure this little home-made porno of yours makes it onto every amateur porn site in the world…and HBO."

Alice glared at Bree expectantly and put her hands on her hips. "These are my terms. Take them or leave them."

Bree looked around the room nervously. Her eyes were wild with panic and undiluted crazy. How the fuck did we not notice before how staggeringly unhinged she was?

"But if I send that statement around, I'll totes never get a job in publicity again," she said petulantly, a pubescent whine coloring her voice.

"Aw, don't worry about that, sweetie," Alice said, saccharin-sweet, "You won't be getting a job in this industry ever again anyway. I'm going to be sending an email with your name and aliases around to every publicity and promotions company on the West Coast, telling them that you're a back-stabbing, untrustworthy psycho. I suggest you pretty up your resume and hit your local Dairy Queen, 'cause that's about the only place that's going to consider taking you on once I'm finished with you. I may not be sending you to prison, but NO-ONE fucks with MY family and gets away with it." Alice looked at Jasper and beamed in satisfaction. "Wow. What do you know? I still have a teeny bit of mindless revenge left in me. Excellent."

Bree looked at me with desperate eyes. It was the look of a rat that finally realized there was no way out of the sewer and it was either sink or swim. From the look of resignation and defeat on her face, she decided to swim.

Without another word, Alice placed a piece of paper and pen in front of her. She took the pen and signed the document in silence. Alice immediately snatched it off the table and shoved it into her briefcase.

"And now, let me see you wheel out some ass-kissing of legendary proportions," Alice seethed, gesturing to Bella.

I watched as Bree took a deep breath and walked over to Bella.

Bella's face was blank. No expression except indifference passed over her beautiful features.

"Bella," Bree began nervously, "I want to apologize to you…"

"Shove your apology, Bree," Bella said quietly. Bree blinked in confusion.

"But Alice said I had to…"

"Yeah, and that's the problem. You're apologizing to me because you have to, not because you're actually sorry, and quite frankly, I don't need to hear that. I mean, honestly, when I think about it, I should be apologizing to you. I feel sorry for you. I really do."

Bree's face turned hard. "Why the hell would you feel sorry for me?" she spat.

"Because," Bella said patiently, "Although I did some heinous things to survive on the streets, I have NEVER betrayed people who trusted me like you have, and obviously the universe believes in karmic rewards because it's YOU standing here in a room full of people who think you're ten shades of scum, all silently punching the air in satisfaction as they watch you being figuratively and thoroughly ass-fucked without lube, while I stand here in a designer dress that makes my tits look seventeen shades of awesome. That's gotta hurt."

Bree's face turned a deep crimson and for the first time since I had known her, I truly saw the real Bree – bitter and hateful and full of jealous, insecure rage.

"Don't you fucking DARE feel sorry for me, Bella Swan!! You're nothing but a cheap WHORE dressed up like she's fucking Cinderella! But wearing designer dresses doesn't change who you are underneath!! You can take a dog turd and wrap it in pretty paper, but at the end of the day when the paper comes off, it's still just a giant pile of SHIT!!"

Bella sighed dramatically. "Oh, jeez, Bree. Your words slay me. I've never been called shit before. Ouch. Stop. Please."

Bree started hyperventilating. At last the indifference on Bella's face lifted and she smiled wickedly. She walked over to me and started trailing her fingers across my chest. I suddenly found it difficult to give a shit about anything but the electrical pulses that sparked out of her fingers, through my t-shirt and into my skin.

"Aw, Bree. Sucks to be you, doesn't it, honey?" Bella sighed, continuing do drive me fucking insane with feather-light touches, "Because realistically, you're walking out of here today with nothing – no job, no man, no future, no self-respect – and I'm walking out of here today with…him."

She turned to me and grabbed the lapels of my jacket, yanking me forward and claiming my mouth fiercely. It took me a few seconds to realize what the hell was going on, but thankfully the second her lips touched mine, my hormones switched onto autopilot and I automatically kissed her back, passionately, desperately, one hand tangling in her thick hair while the other hand found the small of her back, pulling her up against my blazing body and my rapidly hardening cock. She pushed her tongue into my mouth and I couldn't stop the embarrassingly loud groan that ripped out of me. I vaguely registered that there were other people in the room and that to them, I must have sounded like a fucking animal, but frankly, I didn't care. As long as Bella's hands were on my body and her tongue was in my mouth, you could force me to yodel the Swahili National Anthem for the rest of my fucking life and I'd still die a happy man.

I moaned again and heard Alice gag slightly in the background.

Bella pulled away from me and I'm pretty damn sure I looked like a little boy who'd been given a shiny new bike and then had it taken away. I could feel myself panting, and although I knew that we were in this conference room for a reason other than molesting my gorgeous woman, for the life of me all I could think about in that moment was clearing everyone out as soon as fucking possible so I could lay Bella down on the giant table and make both of us mortifyingly late for my album launch.

"So you see, Bree," Bella panted – oh_, right, Bree's still here. We're here to torture Bree_ – "I feel sorry for you because I'm going to spend the rest of my life loving and being loved by this incredible man, and you're going to spend the rest of your life knowing you came off second best to an ex-homeless girl who used to smell like piss. What a bummer."

Bree growled in frustration and lunged at Bella, her hands outstretched towards her face. Before I could fulfill my masculine duty and protect my woman, Bella grabbed Bree's arm and twisted it up behind her, pushing her other hand into her shoulder blade as she slammed Bree's face into the carpet.

Bree hit the floor with a dull thud, and Bella dropped her knee into the middle of her back as she whispered, "Now get the fuck out of here, because even though Edward has a problem with beating the shit out of you, I REALLY don't. Your little game is over and you lost. Accept it."

Seeing the woman I loved physically dominate another woman, even one as ball-tearingly annoying as Bree, did very strange things to my man-parts. One half of me knew I should probably pull Bella off Bree to stop the situation degrading into mindless violence, but the other half desperately wished for the hair-pulling and dress-ripping to commence as soon as fucking possible.

_Christ, I am SUCH a perv._

Bella dropped Bree's arm and stood up, standing over her while she crawled to her feet and gathered her purse. Bree kept a wary eye on Bella, and I couldn't help a surge of vengeful pride that my woman had obviously scared the living crap out of her.

_That's my girl._

Jasper stood up and walked over to Bree, handing her a card.

"Bree, this is the name of a friend of mine – a therapist back in L.A. You should call him. You have some deep-seated issues that you should really address. I'd take you on myself, but, honestly, I really don't like you. Please call him."

Bree took the card grudgingly and looked around the room. Her eyes ended up on me, watery and pathetic.

"Goodbye, Bree," I said with as much civility as I could muster. "Don't stay in touch, okay?"

She sniffled quietly and walked towards the door. When she got there she turned and looked at me one last time, and I swear to God I heard Bella growl quietly as her arms wound possessively around my waist.

"One day, EC," Bree said softly, "You're going to see that we belong together."

I pulled Bella close into my side and looked Bree dead in the eye.

"No, Bree, I'm really not."

She looked at me for a long moment before truly understanding my emphatic denial.

"It's time for you to leave," I said firmly.

Dejected acceptance filled her eyes as she nodded slightly and pushed open the heavy wooden door, the muffled hush of the thick carpet whispering through the expectant silence...and then, as we all suppressed massive sighs of relief and ecstatic high fives, Bree was gone.

***

Four minutes and thirty-five seconds later, the conference room reverberated with quiet groaning as we all recovered from Alice's bone-crushing congratulatory hugs. She also performed an embarrassingly bad rap-version of 'Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead' which made every musical sensibility in my body curl up into a tiny ball and beg for death.

"Alice," I rasped, the pain of her performance still reverberating in my brain, "You promised Mom and Dad when you were nine years old that you would never sing in front of me again. Why would you betray them like this? WHY?"

She smirked before punching me hard in the arm, and I swear to God I could feel a bruise forming on my bone.

"Fucking OW, Alice!!" I cried, rubbing my rapidly swelling shoulder. "How the hell am I supposed to play the guitar tonight with a huge fucking lump on one arm?"

She frowned slightly. "Oh, shit, Edward, you're right, I'm sorry." She punched my other arm just as hard. "There you go. Now they're even."

"Fucking hell!!" I laughed, whimpering through the pain, "You think you're funny, don't you, you evil pygmy?"

She smiled sweetly at me and chimed, "No. I KNOW I'm funny."

Jasper came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her at the same time that Bella put her arms around my waist.

"Jas," I pleaded, "Please control your woman."

He shrugged and laughed. "Sorry, dude. My usual form of therapy for her has apparently been vetoed for a week. Her powers for evil are increasing exponentially."

Bella snorted. "Jas, if you think she's going to be able to last one DAY without ravaging you, you're seriously deluded."

"Hey!" Alice protested, "As if you can talk, missy. When I walked into your suite this afternoon the whole place reeked of white-hot, ass-slapping, fucking-like-animals monkey-sex, so don't even try to tell me you two have been sitting up in there all afternoon playing Scrabble."

Bella and I looked at each other and smiled knowingly, my dick twitching at the memory of her bent over the couch as I fucked her thoroughly.

"Actually, clever-pants," Bella said lightly, "We DID have the Scrabble board out."

Alice rolled her eyes. "If you two fucking start debating the validity of the word 'cummage' again, I swear to dear, sweet, dimpled baby Jesus, I'm going to start ripping off body parts."

Jas groaned slightly and spun her around to face him. "Woman, if you expect me to even THINK about honoring your sex embargo, you'd better stop talking like that right the hell now. You KNOW what it does to me."

He pulled her roughly to his body and kissed her hungrily, making me blush as he grabbed her ass and ground his pelvis into her.

"Dude!" I exclaimed in disgust, averting my gaze before my eyeballs went spontaneously blind in protest, "That's my baby sister!!"

They obviously either didn't hear me or chose to ignore me, because they continued to make out like the world had gone through a major apocalypse and they had to fuck like rabbits in order to re-populate the earth.

Bella giggled and turned to face me.

"Do aggressive women really turn men on?" she asked, placing her hands on my chest and rubbing my pecs through my t-shirt.

"Swan, do you seriously need to ask this question?" I asked incredulously. "Did you not witness me ravishing you roughly over the back of the couch this afternoon after you verbally bitch-slapped Bree?" I leaned down and whispered in her ear, "And can you not feel how freakishly fucking hard I am after seeing you tae-kwon-do that conniving cow's face into the floor? Seeing you be so dominant like that is staggeringly fucking sexy."

She pressed herself against me, and I had to close my eyes and clench my jaw to stop myself from ripping her pretty dress off her body.

"In that case, sexy," she said quietly, "remind me to show you more of my dominant side later."

_Oh HELL YES!!_

She pulled my head down and started kissing me, slowly moving her lips across mine, her mouth opening slightly, inviting me in.

"Well this is fucking lovely isn't it?" an exasperated voice cried behind us.

I pulled back from Bella to see Emmett sitting at the table by himself, a look of sad frustration on his face.

"Oh, no, please, don't stop on my account," he said sarcastically, waving his hand toward me and Bella and Jasper and Alice who were now looking at him too. "I love watching horny-assed couples make-out in front of me while I sit here all alone and fucking friendless. Seriously. Please continue. It's good for my soul to see what I'm missing out on."

Bella laughed and went over to him, yanking on his arm and pulling him out of his chair. He slumped over to us and I actually felt sorry for the big lug. I had to admit, Emmett was a seriously cool guy. It surprised me he didn't have someone special in his life.

"Aw, Em, there's going to be lots of pretty girls at the party tonight, and don't forget that Rob's going to be there."

Emmett's face darkened into a scowl.

"First of all, unless Rob has grown a vagina since I last saw him, he's going to be no fucking use to me at all tonight in satiating my current overwhelming desire to have some intimate contact with the fairer sex, and second of all, I don't give a shit if he's there or not. The Brit is dead to me."

Bella gasped theatrically.

"What? Why?"

Em shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed. "I don't want to talk about it, okay? But suffice to say if I run into our Mr. Pattinson tonight, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind, and maybe a piece of my foot up his ass."

"Wow, sounds serious," said Alice, "Did you two have a lover's tiff?"

Emmett stared at her blankly. "Alice, you know you're a tiny person, right, and that if I wanted to I could squash you like a bug?"

Alice giggled and gave him a quick hug before saying, "But Emmett, if you did that, then I wouldn't be able to introduce you to the woman of your dreams tonight."

Emmett frowned. "Alice, what the hell are you talking about?"

She looked quickly at Jasper, who raised his hands in self-defense.

"Oh, no. Don't look at me. You know I love my sister, but I certainly would never consider inflicting her on any of my friends."

My heart jumped up into my throat.

_Fuck._

_Rosalie Hale._

Rosalie was going to be here tonight. This could be bad. Really fucking bad.

"Alice," I said, sudden panic coloring my voice, "Why the hell didn't you tell me Rosalie was going to be here tonight?"

"Who's Rosalie?" Bella asked, perplexed.

"Edward, it's not going to be a problem. Really."

I laughed sarcastically.

"That's easy for you to say!" I exclaimed, "She didn't mouth-rape YOU last time she saw you, did she?"

I felt Bella stiffen beside me.

"Oh, Rosalie," she said, realization dawning on her. "THAT was Rosalie."

I hadn't even thought about Rosalie Hale since the night I appeared on SNL and she sucked on my tongue just long enough to get me in seriously deep shit with Bella. The fact that we had a fling a million years ago wasn't something I was proud of, especially considering the fact that we were both drunk and high at the time. Jasper had hit the fucking roof when he found out about it. It was bad enough that he had an alcoholic junkie for a patient, and an alcoholic junkie for a sister. He couldn't cope with the fact that his patient and his sister were being alcoholic junkies together. It made him seriously fucking upset, to say the least.

He told me a couple of weeks ago that Rose had been through rehab successfully, but knowing Rose and her penchant for snorting things up her nose, I viewed the news with a healthy dose of skepticism.

_Yeah, because no-one could possibly kick blow after just ONE round of rehab, right Cullen? They all have to go back three times like you, you enormous fucking hypocrite._

I sighed as I realized the asshole inside my head was right. I fucking hated it when he was right.

"Look Edward, don't worry about Rose, okay? I spoke to her a few days ago and she's doing great. She's clean and sober and she's still pissed off at you about what happened at the SNL party so I really don't think she's going to be making a pass at you in the near future."

"She'd better not," Bella mumbled under her breath, "I still owe her a smack in the mouth from last time."

A mental image of Bella and Rosalie duking it out filled my brain...and my cock. Jesus! What the hell was with me and the violent lesbian imagery recently? It was seriously starting to disturb me.

"Look," said Alice decisively, "Rosalie is going to be here tonight. She's going to behave herself. She's going to meet Emmett and he is going to take one look at her and completely lose his shit. End of story."

Emmett guffawed loudly. "Little one, I have NEVER lost my shit over a woman in all my born days. I seriously fucking doubt I'm going to start tonight over Jasper's ex-junkie sister. No offense, bro."

"None taken. She's an ex-junkie and she's my sister. You speak the truth."

"We'll see," said Alice cryptically, "The bigger they are, the harder they fall, Em. Just remember that."

Emmett rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, Alice. Don't we have a party to get to?"

Alice clapped her hands loudly and started herding us towards the doors in the most bossy way imaginable.

_Ah, Alice. It's good to have you back._

I hated seeing her beat herself up about Bree, but apparently after beating Bree up, she felt much better.

"Yes we do! Alright everyone, enough chit-chat. We have an album to launch tonight. Does everyone know what the hell they're doing?"

We all nodded and mumbled, "Yes, Alice," as she ushered us into the elevator and we rode down to the ballroom.

As the elevator descended, my heart rate increased, a thin layer of sweat broke out on my palms. I pulled my hand away from Bella's and wiped it on my jeans before grasping it again, a little too tightly.

She looked up at me and whispered, "Are you okay?"

I nodded quickly and started breathing a little deeper, pushing air through my rising anxiety before it could really take hold and wrap around my brain. I closed my eyes and conjured up an image of Bella's beautiful face bent over me as she took me into her mouth, licking and sucking me hungrily. My heart rate increased more, but it wasn't from anxiety, so I figured that was at least something. The fantasy continued to play in my mind and I could feel myself becoming harder by the second.

Fuck.

I really wanted to shove everyone out of this elevator, punch the emergency button and take Bella roughly against the wall. I could practically feel myself sliding into her, hot and tight around me, my hands cradling her incredible ass as I plunged myself into her over and over again.

Suddenly, I felt her body press up against mine, her stomach moving against my aching and needy erection. When I opened my eyes she was looking up at me with feral desire.

"I don't know what the fuck you're thinking about at the moment, Cullen," she said, her voice low and sexy, "But whatever it is, we are soooo going to do it later. The look on your face is driving me insane."

I leaned down and whispered in her ear, "Thinking about being inside you is the only way I can calm my nerves about tonight. Have I told you recently how much I need you and love you and want to fuck you on every hard surface in this hotel, and even some of the soft ones?"

She grabbed my head and kissed me fiercely, moaning as I plunged my tongue into her mouth, my arms wrapping around her and crushing her to me.

"Would you two fucking knock it off," Emmett groaned. "I'm lonely and horny and you two are NOT fucking helping matters."

Bella pulled away and the look of raw longing on her face was going to ensure I had a hard-on for the rest of the night. Not fucking good.

She must have read the distress on my face because she pulled my head down to her mouth and whispered, "Now stop sporting wood, Mister Enormous or I'll call Bree and tell her to come back and get a handful."

_OhJesusfuckinghellthat'sjustincrediblyfuckingwrong!_

My face spasmed as my body reacted to her words by simultaneously draining all the blood out of my cock and making my stomach churn violently.

"Fucking hell, woman," I groaned, "How is it possible that you know how to turn me on AND off in record time. It's just ridiculous. I feel like a fucking faucet."

She laughed quietly and took my hand again, stroking it gently as she felt anxious tension creep back into my body.

"What can I say, baby? I'm the Asstard Whisperer."

I laughed and kissed her quickly on the lips.

_Yes, baby, you really are._

The elevator doors opened and we all strode towards to ballroom doors, Alice leading the way and speaking quickly as she went.

"So, Bells, tonight you can stay with Edward for a while and control the rising freak-out that I can see written all over his face, but once he starts his set onstage, I'll need you to help me schmooze the record company execs and radio and TV programmers, okay? We need to make sure every mover and shaker in that room tonight walks out wanting to plug the hell out of Edward's album, got it?"

She came over and wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me in such a way I knew she was desperately trying not to crack a rib.

"Have a great night tonight, big brother," she said, smiling up at me warmly. "You TOTES deserve it."

She immediately clapped her hand over her mouth and made a strangled groaning noise. "Oh, fuck. I think I'm going to be sick."

Jasper put his arm around her and led her towards the doors.

"Come on, sweetie," he said in his super-smooth therapist voice, "Let's get you inside before you start going on about John Mayer's dick, effectively assassinating my ego."

She sniffled, "Oh, God, Jas. I feel so dirty."

Emmett, Bella and I chuckled as we followed behind them, stepping into the sumptuously decorated Ballroom.

We stopped just inside the doors to take in the incredible sight.

"Holy mother of all things pretty," Bella exhaled in amazement beside me.

For a moment I thought she was commenting on the room that was glowing with mutli-colored columns of light, but when I followed her gaze I saw she was looking at a huge cardboard replica of my album cover, showing me running my fingers through my hair, a worried frown on my face.

"Fuck, you're so sexy when you frown," she said more to herself than to me.

"Hmmmm," I murmured drawing her into me, running my hands down her silky-smooth arms, "What a pity you put a perpetual fucking smile on my face then."

"Going to get a drink," Emmett said quickly, "I feel an imminent make-out session coming on and I think being completely shit-faced is a definite pre-requisite. Be right back."

Bella giggled as she watched him disappear into the crowd, her dark eyes coming back to mine as I traced my fingers around her jaw, finally resting my knuckles under her chin as I tilted her mouth up and lowered my lips to....

"Swan! Cullen!" a familiar voice cried out.

_Dammit_!

Bella and I looked around quickly to see Rob ambling towards us, waving.

"Rob!" Bella said, giving him a quick, friendly hug before I shook his hand.

I had to admit, I had missed the endearing Brit.

He grinned at us both.

"Bloody brilliant party, you two," he beamed, taking a sip of his beer, "Although I think they could have gotten a slightly larger mock-up of you, Edward. I'm pretty sure you can't see that one from space."

I laughed, pulling Bella into my side, not because I was insecure around Rob, but because...well...ok, I was a little insecure around Rob.

_Jesus. His hair looks fucking awesome. How the hell does he get it to look like that?_

"Yeah, it seems my publicist thinks that bigger is better," I said, looking pointedly at Bella.

_Nice one, Cullen. Making sure he knows Bella is yours and also getting in a jab about the size of your cock? Good job._

"I've heard," said Rob with a smirk, "Seen any good Japanese monster movies recently, Edward?"

My mouth dropped open.

_No. No way. She would NOT tell Rob about our special name for my cock. Would she?_

"What's that supposed to mean, Rob?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from squeaking with embarrassment.

"Oh, nothing," Rob answered nonchalantly, "I just know that Bella is a big fan of enormous monsters, particularly Godzilla. Right, Swan?"

_Oh fuck me._

"BELLA!" I roared turning around to face her, "You told Pattinson about Godzy?"

Rob snickered. "Godzy? Really? That's so fucking cute." I glared at him. "Oh, relax, mate," he said, smiling like the fucking Cheshire Cat, "Bella knows the name of my cock too."

"WHAT?!!"

I turned to Bella who was blushing furiously and stroking my hand like her life depended on it.

"Edward," she said in a voice that was like aural sedative, "Calm down, baby. This is not something you need to be getting upset about."

I grit my teeth and tried to stay cool.

"Bella, I'm not upset. I'm fine. In fact I'm living on the Isle of Fine surrounded by the Sea of Fucking Serenity. Now, tell me - do you or do you not know the name of Pattinson's cock?"

She blushed again and her mouth opened and closed a few times before she answered. "Well...yes, but it's not as though I've seen it or anything."

I closed my eyes.

_Ok, just breathe. Breathe in, breathe out. Stop clenching your fists. You will not hit the Brit's smirking face. This is not worth worrying about. Just let it go._

"What's it called?" I asked, my jaw clenched so tight it might lock that way.

_Cullen!! Why the fuck are you asking that? You do NOT need to know the name of another man's penis!_

"Gigantor," Bella said with a smirk.

My eyes snapped open. I looked at Rob who was pinching the bridge of his nose and groaning softly.

"Thank you, Swan," he muttered quietly, "Thank you very bloody much."

I looked back at Bella whose lips were pursing as she tried not to smile.

"Gigantor?" I said, struggling to contain the bubbling hysteria inside me. "Wow. Good name."

"That's what I said!" Bella cried as I sucked in a noisy breath and held onto it for dear life.

Rob looked at me and scowled. "Go ahead, Cullen, I know you want to," he sighed in resignation, "Just get it fucking over with, will you?"

A huge wave of laughter erupted out of me as I slapped my thigh and doubled over, holding my stomach as I brayed like a goddamn donkey.

"Oh, my fucking Christ!" I gasped as Rob slammed back a huge mouthful of beer and glared at me in exasperation. "That's hilarious, Rob!!! Gigantor!!"

"What I'd like to know is why everyone thinks it's soooo fucking funny that my dick is named Gigantor? For all you people know, I could have a giant porn-star cock that's so fucking enormous it has its own zipcode!!"

Bella joined me in my laugh-fest, wrapping her arms around me as I buried my head in her neck and giggled like a girl.

I heard Rob chuckle quietly to himself and sigh.

"Remind me again why I like you two bitches so fucking much," he grumbled.

"Because we help you keep it real, Mister Big Time Movie Star," Bella laughed.

Rob rolled his eyes and grinned. "Yeah, yeah, whatever you reckon, Swan."

We were all still giggling softly when Emmett walked back over to us, beer in hand, a dark glower settling on his face as he saw Rob.

"Hey, Emmett," Rob said lightly.

"Hello, Robert," Emmett replied, his voice cold and accusatory.

Rob raised his eyebrows slightly in surprise. "Um...how're you going, mate?"

Emmett's eyes narrowed.

"How am I going?" he said, acting like it was the most ridiculous question in the world, "How am I GOING?"

Rob frowned in confusion. "Um...yeah...how're you going? Would you prefer a multiple choice question?"

Emmett laughed bitterly. "Let me just say this to you, Pattinson, and then YOU tell ME how I'm going." He narrowed his eyes at Rob and seethed, "Fifteen."

Rob exhaled noisily, "Oh, shit."

"FIFTEEN!!!" Emmett cried angrily.

"Emmett, I'm sorry, I've been busy."

"FIFTEEN fucking phone calls I invested in you and you couldn't even fucking text-message me back? How am I GOING? I'm fucking hurt and disillusioned Rob, THAT'S how I'm going!!"

"Emmett," Rob said desperately, "I meant to call you back, I really did. Time just got away from me, you know? I've been REALLY busy...."

"Too busy for ONE phone call? ONE text message? Something to say, 'Oh, hey Em, I'm not dead in a ditch somewhere'? Jesus, Rob. You start hanging out with all your cool movie-star friends and all of a sudden I'm not good enough for you? Is that how it is?"

Rob dropped his head and sighed.

"No, of course not. Em, you're right, I'm sorry. I've been a selfish ass. Please tell me how I can make it up to you."

Emmett's glare continued but lessened slightly. "I don't know that you can."

Rob ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Um...ooh, I'm shooting tomorrow. Why don't you come on set and we'll have lunch?"

Emmett's eyes widened before lighting up with an embarrassing amount of excitement. "Are you fucking kidding me? I get to go and see a movie being shot AND have lunch with you? Fuckin' A!!"

"Ah, Emmett?" I said waving at him, "You and I are supposed to be having a session tomorrow and then working out, remember?"

"Not anymore," he said quickly.

_Jesus, he looks like all his Christmases have come at once._

_Should I fuck with him and make him feel guilty? Hell yeah!!_

"But Emmett," I said, whining pathetically and putting on my best puppy-dog-pleading eyes, "I've just had an extremely disturbing conversation about the name of Pattinson's cock and I really think I could use some serenity."

Em whipped around and looked at me intently. "What? You were talking about his...what? Jesus fucking...oh....God....well....don't just stand there!! What's it called?"

I smirked. "Gigantor."

"Oh, for the love of God," Rob groaned, covering his face with his hands.

Emmett turned and looked Rob up and down with an appraising gaze.

"Yep. That seems about right," he said softly.

"I have another friend coming on set tomorrow as well," Rob said a little too loudly, obviously trying desperately to change the subject.

"What? Who?" Emmett said quickly, suspicion lacing his voice.

"A girl I met tonight actually. Fucking gorgeous. Oh, hang on, there she is."

Rob reached out and grabbed the hand of the tall, stunning blonde who was passing by us. He pulled her into our small circle and made introductions.

"Hey, Rosalie, I want you to meet my friends. This is Bella and..."

"Hello, Edward," Rosalie interrupted, her cool eyes hardening at the sight of me. "Man-handle any defenseless women recently?"

I shook my head and smiled. "No, Rosalie, I only man-handle women who stick their tongues down my throat without an invite."

She smiled, reminding me of a mongoose about to rip the head off a viper. "I remember a time when you weren't so fucking fussy about what went into your mouth, Edward, or any other orifice on your body for that matter."

_Bitch._

Bella bristled beside me, and I put my arm around her, pulling her close.

"Okay, so, you two obviously know and hate each other," said Rob, "Excellent." He put his arm around Rosalie's waist and steered her away from me. "Rosalie, this is Emmett, another good friend of mine."

Rosalie finished glaring at me and turned to Emmett, her eyes widening slightly as she took in his appearance. Emmett gasped audibly and then froze, the strangest expression settling on his face.

I'm pretty fucking sure he stopped breathing.

Rosalie held her hand out to him, smiling sweetly.

"Pleased to meet you, Emmett," she said, turning up her substantial amount of sex appeal.

Emmett didn't take her hand. He just stood there, staring, his mouth slightly open and his eyes wide.

"Emmett?" Rob said with concern, "Are you alright, mate?"

Rosalie frowned. "Of course," she said softly, "I finally meet a man who looks like he's vaguely worth my time and he's fucking comatose."

A strange gurgling wheeze erupted out of Emmett's chest and without a word, his eyes rolled back into his head and he passed out, hitting the sumptuous carpet with a hushed thud.

_Oh, for God's sake._

"Good one, Rosalie," I snapped as I bent over him, checking his breathing and heartbeat. "You've broken Emmett."

Alice appeared out of nowhere and said smugly, "Told you he'd lose his shit."

* * *

**Author's Notes**

**I hope you all got some Bree-beatdown satisfaction from this chappie. I certainly had fun writing it.**

**If you haven't yet read, Grasping Darkness, my In The Dark contest entry, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR? It has smut, Darkward and snarky Bella – what more incentive do you need? Voting is now open for the comp so if you liked it, please vote. I'm seriously considering continuing it, and votes might help me make up my mind *evil smirk*. The link is on my profile.**

**Just giving you guys & girls a heads up that The Screamers will soon be coming to a close. The plot has almost run its course and I'm predicting there will only be about three chapters left before we say goodbye to these crazy kids. Jeez, I'm getting all choked up just thinking about it. Just thought you should all know.**

**Don't forget you can buy me in the FANDOM GIVES BACK Author Auction. It's for a great cause so please dig deep and bid your pervy asses off. Link on my profile. If you would like to join Team Godzy and pool your money, please PM me your email addy and I'll get mah homegirl and uber-pimp, sunshine00, to contact you.**

**I'd love to offer a teaser for reviews this week, but unfortunately I'm completely blitzed by RL and don't think I'll have the time. I hope you leave a review anyway as every single one warms my cold, dead heart.**

**I love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	32. Thudding Destiny

**Chapter Notes**

**Well, Emmett bugged the hell out of me until ****I**** agreed to write this chapter from his POV, although now he's hiding out in the garage because he's terrified you all won't like it. Please be gentle with him.**

**The music inspiration for the song in this chapter is 'Someone To Fall Back On' by Jason Robert Brown. Youtube it if you want to hear it – it's bewdifool. **

**To all my beautiful h00r on Twilighted, Twitter, UU and FFFW – ****I**** love you all.**

**Special bewb gropes to The Goon Royal Family – you girls make my heart smile.**

**To my Beta Goddess and Chief Ass-Kicker, Catty-Wan – Thank you for caring enough to slap me upside my head when ****I**** need it, baby. I'm forever grateful to have you.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns the Twilight characters. ****I**** just like schmexin' them up.**

**Enjoy.**

**

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**Chapter 32 – Thudding Destiny**

**Emmett POV**

"Emmett?"

"Hmmm?"

"Emmett? Wake up, dude."

"Goway. Ahmlyingdown."

"I know you're lying down, man. You're lying down in the middle of my album launch. Get the fuck up, please."

"Carpetsoft. Feelznice. Shhhh."

"Bloody hell, he's totally out of it isn't he? Emmett!! Come on, mate! Rose is still waiting to shake your hand, you rude bastard."

My eyes snapped open. I could see a circle of concerned faces surrounded me – Edward was crouching over me, and further away I could see Bella, Alice, Rob and...her.

The world went out of focus again as my blood exploded through my veins, every muscle flexing, every synapse screaming with want and need and primal fucking possession. _She_ was looking down at me and frowning, her perfect face furrowed and beautiful, her eyes locking onto mine and ripping away every single ounce of control and serenity I had ever possessed.

_Jesus H Christ. I want to sniff her and lick her and bite her so that every other man on the goddamn planet knows she belongs to me, now and forever._

"Ah, Em?" Edward whispered urgently, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. I bit Rose once and she hurt me so badly I couldn't sit down for a week."

_What the...? Did I actually say that out loud?_

"Um, yeah," Edward said, "and you just did it again."

_Christ, what the HELL is WRONG with me?_

Edward sighed. "You're having trouble keeping your inner monologue 'inner' at the moment, aren't you, man?"

I looked back at Rosalie. _I'm pretty damn sure it's her fault._

"What did he just say?" she said, confusion crossing her face.

_Fucking hell, McCarty. Stop it!!_

"Um, he said something about it being your fault and then 'stop it'," Rob said helpfully.

_Pattinson, I'm going to kill you!!_

"Whoa, mate, calm down. I was just answering the lady's question."

I sighed and closed my eyes, waiting for the dizzying whirlwind of Neanderthal emotions inside me to settle the fuck down.

Goddammit, I had devolved into exactly the type of person I had spent my whole professional career trying to change, and I had no fucking idea why.

Sure, she was beautiful, but I'd dated plenty of beautiful women. There was something about this particular beautiful woman that tore me open and left me wanting her to see every single part of me. She made my chest tighten uncomfortably, forcing me to concentrate on making myself breathe, and I'm pretty fucking sure it had nothing to do with the fact that she obviously wasn't wearing a bra under her black satin dress.

Well, maybe it had a little to do with that.

I was suddenly very aware that I was having an embarrassing horizontal carpet-moment in front of the woman who I was certain was going to bear my children in the near future, so I needed to get my shit together fast so I could go about the important business of proving my complete and utter awesomeness to her.

I concentrated for a few seconds on steadying my erratic breathing, and soon my breaths were slow and even.

"I think he's gone to sleep," I heard Rob say.

"I'm not asleep, Pattinson," I sighed, "I'm meditating to re-affirm my awesomeness. You might want to try it sometime."

I heard him chuckle. "Mate, if my awesomeness was any more firm, I think it might frighten the lovely Miss Hale here."

_What the motherfuck?? Is he flirting with her? _

"I'd hardly call it flirting," he said defensively, "More like an honest observation."

My eyes snapped open and I sprang to my feet, my eyes narrowing as I noticed how Rob's arm was wrapped possessively around my angel's waist. She was looking at him with an expression that told me she wasn't completely repulsed by his touch.

Un-fucking-acceptable.

I pushed down the intense jealousy that was obliterating my serenity like a goddamn sledgehammer, and clamped my mouth firmly shut so I could give myself a good, _private_ talking to.

_Ok, McCarty. Just settle the fuck down. Don't scare this girl away just because you want to murder every man who has ever laid hands on her, including Edward and the handsome Brit. You can do this. You are a righteous motherfucker. You are Emmett Fucking McCarty. Go to work._

I held my hand out towards the Goddess before me.

"Hello, Rosalie," I said as smoothly as possible, considering feeling her name on my tongue was one of the single most sensual experiences of my life. "I'm sorry I didn't greet you properly before. I'm Emmett Fucking McCarty."

_Jesus! Good start, idiot!!_

She raised her eyebrow at me and smirked, placing her hand in mine, the cool electricity of her fingers making my heart attempt to punch through my chest like a goddamn jackhammer.

"Emmett Fucking McCarty, huh?" she said so seductively I had to resist the urge to rip my shirt open and beat on my damn chest like Tarzan, "Is that a threat or just wishful thinking?"

Everyone burst out laughing and I joined in.

"That depends, Miss Hale," I countered, bringing her hand up to my mouth and grazing my lips over her soft skin.

A tiny gasp escaped her as my lips lingered on her hand, her voice becoming breathy as she said, "On what?"

"On how much you beg me," I said quietly, trying to keep my voice steady as the image of her kneeling before me, trembling and begging, bombarded my brain.

Holy shit. I wanted her to beg me. I wanted it so damn much I could taste it. I wanted her to bow down before me and admit how much she desired me. I wanted her to gasp and cry and whimper she wanted me so damn much.

_Fuck, this is just wrong._

"You're damn right it's wrong, Mr McCarty," she said condescendingly as she snatched her hand away from me, "I've never begged for a single thing in my whole life – least of all for a man - and I'm really not about to start now, especially not for someone who's obviously completely full of himself."

_Oh, game on, Blondie. You think you can deny me? Think again, sweetheart._

"You keep telling yourself that, baby, if it makes you feel better, but the way your pupils dilated when I kissed your hand is telling me a different story."

Her eyes flashed in anger.

_Yeah, you don't like me calling you on your shit, do you, beautiful?_

"First of all," she seethed, "I'm not your 'baby'..." - I snorted. Give it time, baby - "...And secondly, the only truth I know is that you're a presumptuous ass who has about as much of a chance of making out with me as Britney Spears does of winning 'Mother of the Year.' How does that strike you, asshole?"

I chuckled.

"Jesus, you're sexy when you're angry."

Her eyes flashed at me.

"I'm sexy all the time, dumbass," she spat. "When I'm angry I'm fucking magnificent."

"Alright, I think I really need to be somewhere else," Edward muttered beside me, "I really can't handle all this verbal foreplay."

Rosalie turned to him and snapped, "You don't know what the hell you're talking about, Cullen. There's no foreplay happening here, verbal or otherwise, and certainly not with this walking mountain of egotistical delusion."

Edward chuckled and pulled Bella closer to him. "Rose, I know you well enough to recognize when you're hot for a guy, and it seems like my man Emmett here is flipping ALL your switches."

_You tell her, E-man!_

"Dude, I am telling her, and for the last time, don't fucking call me E-man, okay? Not cool."

_Goddamn you, outer-inner monologue!!_

"Um...I hate to point out the bleeding bloody obvious," said Rob, pouting slightly, "But have any of you considered that Rosalie is aroused beyond all belief because of me?"

Alice giggled loudly before covering her mouth with her hand and looking sheepish. "Oh, crap, that wasn't a joke was it?"

Rob glared at her. "No, it wasn't, you tiny destroyer of the Pattinson ego."

"Oops," she shrugged.

"Yeah, fucking 'oops' is right, shorty."

Through all this I hadn't realized that I was moving closer to Rosalie, until I found myself just inches away from her face, her cool blue eyes looking up at me with lusty defiance.

Jesus, this woman was fierce. She was bringing out all the parts of myself I thought I had locked away, and I could feel the raw, primal emotions I had worked so hard to control clawing their way out of me in an effort to get to her.

For the first time in my life a woman was invading my serenity; burrowing under my skin and shattering my finely crafted Zen...and part of me – a surprisingly large part - found it ball -tearingly thrilling.

I felt my lips curl into a smile as I saw her chest rise and fall faster as I got closer. She glared at me, but she didn't try to move away.

_Oh, yeah. She totally feels this too. _

"All I feel," she seethed as her eyes raked over me, "Is slightly nauseated."

I hovered inches away from her, my lips over her skin, breathing in her smell and watching as her eyes fluttered slightly, even though I could tell that she was trying really hard to stop it. I saw her nipples harden under my gaze and I felt an unreasonable rush of power.

Your mouth says one thing, baby, but your body is saying something else.

Damn, those tits are stunning.

_Jesus, McCarty, you're supposed to be more self-aware than this. Stop eyeing her like you want to shred her dress into confetti, would you?_

"Um...Emmett," Rob said with a touch of annoyance, "I hate to sound like a five year old, but I saw her first."

I vaguely registered Rob's arm tightening around her. I almost laughed.

Realistically, it didn't matter what he did. It didn't matter whether or not he'd just met her or was married to her. Nothing mattered except the fact that she was made for me. She knew it, and I knew it, and I'm pretty damn sure the half-baked waiter passing around the canapes knew it.

I sighed.

_Shit. I'm obviously not having any luck suppressing my inner barbarian. Might as well embrace it like the douche I apparently am._

"I'm sorry, Rob," I said as I locked gazes with the blonde-headed inspiration of all my future erections, "But you have no chance with Rosalie, whether you met her first or not. She's mine. Accept it."

Rosalie's eyes flashed with anger. "Yours?! Why you chauvinistic ASS! For your information, McCarty, I have a _date_ with Rob tomorrow. Guess that throws your ridiculous theory out the window, huh?"

"There's no way you're going on that date," I said firmly.

"Oh, and why would that be?"

"Because in about ninety minutes you're going to be in my bed screaming my name and you will forget about every other man you've ever fucked, including Edward and his wonder-cock..." – at that, Edward almost choked on his own saliva - "And you're not even going to remember who the fuck Rob is by the time I get through with you, no matter how damn pretty he is."

Rob huffed loudly.

"Mate, that is so fucking out of line, except for the part about me being pretty, which was actually rather nice, but still - you can't talk to a lady like that. If I was a violent man, I'd ask you step outside right about now, but considering I'm not, and because you frighten the living shit out of me with your unnatural amount of muscles, I'm simply going to content myself with glaring at you. Take that."

Rob glared at me intently. I tried not to laugh. He huffed in frustration.

"What is going on with you, Emmett? One moment you're over the bloody moon that I'm taking you on-set with me, and the next minute you're stealing the girl I like AND insulting my memorableness? What the hell did I do to deserve this?"

I sighed.

He was right.

How the fuck could I explain what was happening to me?

"Rob, it's not you, it's me," I said, my eyes softening towards him. "You're a great guy, and we've had some good times together, but..."

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "You're giving me the 'it's not you, it's me' speech? I can't believe I'm hearing this."

"Look, Rob, don't get upset..."

"Don't get upset? Emmett, you stalked me for weeks. You left FIFTEEN cell-phone messages for me in the past few days, and all of a sudden all that flies out the window because you're crushing on the woman who may or may not become firm friends with Gigantor in the very near future? I just don't fucking get it."

"Rob, it's real simple," I said, turning to face the embodiment of womanly perfection who was glaring at me like I had a contagious disease, "As much as I can appreciate the fact that you're a devastatingly attractive man with a freakish amount of sex appeal, comparing you and Rosalie is like comparing a lump of coal with a diamond - _you_ can heat me up and make me warm, but _she_..._she_ is simply dazzling."

I heard a strangled noise and saw Rob turning red with anger and disbelief.

"No offense," I offered, lamely.

Rob glared at me fiercely. "No offense? No bollocking offense? I can be dazzling, goddammit!! Heaps of people have been dazzled by me, for God's sake!! I get thousands of letters and emails EVERY DAY from people who have been dazzled by me. THOUSANDS!!!" He looked around our small group frantically. "Was there a memo put out that this was 'Destroy Pattinson's Ego Day', because this is fucking insane. I'm a lump of coal incapable of dazzling? What the fuck?!!"

I looked at Rosalie. Her face was flushed and her mouth opened slightly in surprise, giving me a glimpse of her tongue. I seriously wanted to suck on it. For hours.

_You liked me calling you dazzling, didn't you, baby?_

She cocked an eyebrow at me, and pulled Rob's arm around her.

Shit.

She was baiting me; challenging me to prove myself to her like a goddamn gladiator. Christ, this woman had issues.

Still, I did have a sudden and desperate urge to break Rob's arm in several places so he'd never be able to touch her again. Obviously I had issues too.

By some small miracle I held my ground and stared her down, ignoring the fact that Rob was still ranting loudly about his dazzle-prowess.

"Kirsten Dunst, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Megan Fox – any of those names ring a bell, Emmett? Because they've ALL been dazzled by me. ALL of them!! Ellen Degeneres groped my arse for God's sake and SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE MEN!!!"

I kept my eyes focused on Rose, keeping my body mere inches from hers, gritting my teeth to withstand the magnetic heat radiating from her.

When she realized I wasn't going to budge, or re-arrange the pretty-Brit's face for her, she scowled.

"You are the most infuriating, annoying, irritating man I have EVER met," Rose cried as she put her hands in the middle of my chest and shoved roughly.

_Whoa. Strong girl._

"There is no way in the world I would EVER let you put your giant meaty paws on me, Emmett McCarty, I can promise you that....and as for Rob not being able to dazzle me, you are seriously fucking mistaken."

She turned to Rob and grabbed his face, pulling him down to her lips and kissing him passionately.

I heard Edward groan, "Shit, Rose, can't you go just one day without mouth-raping someone?"

"Shut up, baby," Bella whispered urgently, "This is the most action Rob's gotten in months."

I watched in horror as Rosalie opened her mouth and continued plundering Rob's perfect lips.

Fuck!!

An explosion of jealousy and rage rocketed through me. I exhaled quickly as I tried to diffuse it before I reached over and ripped the Brit's endearingly handsome head off. It didn't help matters when he wrapped his arms around her and fucking groaned.

_Come on, McCarty. Get it together. She's doing it to punish you...to make you jealous, and it's working. She's playing you like a fiddle, man._

_Damn, this woman is going to take some work. I can tell she wants me as much as I want her, but she's a game player. She's used to getting what she wants, when she wants it. She's used to men chasing her, worshipping her. She likes to play by her own set of rules._

_Well that's not going to fucking fly with me. I'm not some whiny-assed girly-boy who can be manipulated and dominated according to her every whim. I'm a man. As I matter of fact, I'm THE man – the only man she's ever going to want to look at and touch and be with for the rest of her life - and if she doesn't realize that by now, then she has no idea what the hell is about to hit her._

She pulled away from an obviously shell-shocked Rob and looked at me with defiance.

"Well," said Rob breathlessy, looking at me with self-satisfaction, "Witness the full-force of the Pattinson dazzle-power, mate. Suck it, McCarty."

Rosalie's eyes burned into mine. She challenged me to disagree with him, to fight for her, to give in to the amazing primal pull she had over me. She still didn't understand who the hell she was dealing with.

I smiled at her and leaned in close, hovering my lips just above her ear as I whispered, "I hope you enjoyed that, because it's the last time you'll ever kiss another man, and believe me when I say, by the end of the night, you're going to be begging me to make you scream my name and destroy you for any other man...and when I hear you beg for it, I may just give it to you."

She pulled back slightly, glaring up at me like a furious angel, before leaning into me, her hands on my chest, burning a hole through my skin and bone, her body nearly pressing against mine, her perfect mouth spilling warm breath across my ear.

"Not fucking likely," she whispered, sneering as she stepped back and put her arms possessively around Rob.

Jesus fucking Christ. This girl was good. She knew exactly what weapons she had at her disposal and how to best use them to decimate a man's self-control.

Little did she know I was totally bullet-proof.

"Let me know when you change your mind," I said as I walked away, feeling her watching me as I melded into the surrounding crowd. I exhaled heavily as I dragged myself away from her, the all consuming need inside me crawling through my guts with metal claws.

I headed towards the bar and grabbed a beer, drinking it down quickly and trying to sort myself the fuck out.

This girl was all kinds of wrong for me. She was an ex-junkie, she was fresh out of rehab and she had a history with Edward. The complications were many and varied, but it seemed like I didn't get a damn choice in the matter. Apparently my body and mind had decided that she was my destiny, and who the hell was I to argue with something like that?

I looked over to where she stood with Rob.

Edward and Bella had left, no doubt to do important launch business, or more likely to find a dark corner in which to fuck each other.

Jasper and Alice were standing a short distance away. Jasper's hands were on Alice's ass and she was running her hands across his chest and shoulders. I could practically smell their lust from where I was standing.

Edward and Bella.

Alice and Jasper.

This whole time I'd rolled my eyes at them and their lack of control around each other. I didn't understand how they could be so weak as to let physical desire turn into obsession.

Well, now I understood. Even standing forty feet away from Rose I could feel the effect she had on my body. My dick was like a goddamn compass and she was my true North.

She leaned into Rob and whispered something in his ear. He laughed and pulled her against his body. I clenched my jaw and fought the urge to stride across the room and punch him in his gorgeous scruffy jaw.

Goddammit all to hell!!!

I threw back a mouthful of beer and tried to drag my eyes away from her. I couldn't do it. She continued to hang off him, her hands touching his chest, his face. She ran her hands through his fucking hair for God's sake, but the whole time she kept stealing glances at me, making sure I was watching. Making sure her torture was working.

It was. It was making me blaze with fury and jealousy and unreasonable thoughts of possession. I fucking hated it, but I wouldn't give in. I wouldn't give her what she wanted until she dropped the game-playing and admitted what the hell was happening between us.

Low, sexy music filled the room and I watched in horror as she dragged Rob out onto the dance floor. She literally had to drag him, because the look of abject terror on his face made it pretty clear he'd rather pull his own arm off than dance in public.

Nevertheless, as soon as Rosalie got him where she wanted him, he seemed to forget all about his dance-phobia as she started to grind herself all over him shamelessly. She turned so that her ass was against his crotch, pushing herself back against him as his hands grabbed her thighs roughly.

FUCKING HELL!

I slammed my empty beer bottle down hard on the bar, making the bartender look at me warily.

"Sorry," I mumbled under my breath, as I clenched my jaw and willed my body not to go onto that dance floor and commit a murder. I tried to use all of the tricks I'd learned in serenity training. They didn't work. I bit back the explosion of obscenities I suddenly wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.

I pushed off the bar and started making my way slowly towards the upright-dry-humping masquerading as dancing that was blasting away my last few threads of self control. I could feel my face darken as I got closer, and I saw Rose's face light up with wicked triumph as I stopped in front of them, my hand coming down hard on Rob's shoulder, making him jump and spin around.

"Rob," I said through gritted teeth, glaring at the she-devil in front of me, "could you please excuse us for a moment. I need to have a word in private with Miss Hale."

Rob looked up at my murderous face and frowned.

"Look, Emmett, I don't know what the hell is going on with you tonight, but if you think that for one moment you can intimidate me into leaving you alone with Rosalie, then you have another thing...."

"Rob, leave now before I start breaking your fingers."

"Righto, I'm going to be over there talking to Bella if you need me."

He stalked off quickly. I barely noticed.

I snaked an arm around Rosalie's waist and pulled her to me. She came willingly, her body pressing up against mine, making me sigh with relief and scream for more all at the same time. Her arms reached up around my neck and clasped there, her fingers toying gently with the hair at the back of my neck and driving me insane with desire. My dick was hard and aching between us, and I knew she could feel it because she pressed against it, smiling in satisfaction when a low groan rumbled out of my chest.

"You haven't won, you know," I said, my voice low and dark with need.

"Really?" she said as her body moved against mine in time with the music. "Because it seems like I have."

My hands trailed down her back until they rested on her glorious ass, cupping it gently. She bit her lip and tried to suppress a moan.

"Think of this as a strategic volley," I said, grazing my hands back up her ribcage, smiling as I felt her tremble beneath my fingers. "I need to show you the magnitude of my firepower in order make you understand the consequences of defying me."

My fingers traveled up her left arm, grabbing her hand from behind my head and pushing it down between us, forcing her to feel the long hardness straining for release in my pants. Her eyes went wide as I guided her fingers up and down the aching length. "Can you feel the magnitude of my firepower, Rose?" I grunted roughly.

"Just because you've got a huge weapon, doesn't mean you know how to use it," she said breathlessly, her fingers continuing to squeeze and stroke me through the tight fabric of my pants.

"Oh, I know how to use it, baby," I said, as my hands grazed gently across her taut nipples. "I know your body already, Rose. I know every single erogenous zone without having to look for it. I know exactly how to make you explode with so much pleasure you'll see stars and name all the saints. I have no fucking idea how I know, but I do."

I bent my head and pressed my lips to her neck, inhaling her scent as my tongue flicked out across the delicate flesh, my teeth nibbling gently at the pulse point where her neck met her shoulder. She gasped loudly and gripped my cock fiercely, her breathing becoming heavy and rough.

"I know every single way to blow your mind, Rosalie Hale," I rasped, raising my head to look into her eyes, "But we are going to do things on my terms, not yours."

"Go to hell," she said, trying to sound angry, but her head dropped back and her body pushed into my hands as my fingers ghosted her nipples again.

"You first," I growled, dropping my hands from her body and stepping away from her.

Her eyes snapped to mine as her face flushed with anger.

_Okay, McCarty, time to lay it all on the line. Stand or fold, baby._

"You stop the game playing and just be real and open with me, and we can look forward to a night of pleasure like nothing either one of us has ever known," I said, clenching my teeth as I fought every traitorous muscle in my body that was currently screaming out to touch her. Any part of her. "But if you continue to try and manipulate me like one of your nancy-boy, socialite fuck-buddies, I'll be out of here so fucking fast it'll make your head spin. Now, what do you want?"

She glared at me, her eyes blazing and hard with need and want and sheer naked fury. My body was practically vibrating with need for her, but I sure as hell wasn't going to let her see that. Well, except for the huge bulge in my pants but quite frankly, at this point, there was no disguising that without calling in David Copperfield.

"You're an asshole," she spat, acidly.

I took it as a compliment.

"And you're the hottest woman I've ever laid eyes on," I said openly. "You hear that? It's called honesty, Rose. You might want to try it occasionally. It's very liberating."

"Fuck you."

"Well, now we're getting somewhere. How would you like to fuck me? Don't hold back. Feel free to use props and costumes - I'm totally up for that."

She laughed derisively.

"You are unbelievable, McCarty!" she said, putting her hands on her hips. I also took that as a compliment. "You stand there spewing all this bullshit like you know me? You know nothing about me, or how I feel about you! Do you think I'm going to fall on my knees and beg you to fuck me because you've got a big dick?" Well, that would be nice. "You are seriously goddamn delusional."

I walked over to her, tightening my fists so I wouldn't reach out and strip her bare and fuck her right here on the damn dance-floor, while my eyes raked over her and I imagined all the things my body was screaming to do to her.

When I spoke, my voice was dripping with the lust I couldn't seem to control around this infuriatingly glorious ball-breaker.

"Babe, you can keep telling yourself that you don't want me all you damn like. It's not going to make it true. You want me so fucking much it scares you. You want me like you've never wanted any another man you've ever met. You want me despite the fact you know I'm not going to let you control me and always get your way. So why don't you just stop fighting this and let me blow your damn mind?"

I stopped just before our chests touched, and her fiery blue eyes burned into me.

_Come on, Rose. Don't fight this. Please. For both our sakes._

"You couldn't blow my mind with an instruction manual and a case of dynamite, dipshit," she growled quietly.

I sighed and dropped my head.

"Fuck it, Rosalie, this could've have been so easy if you'd just dropped all the unnecessary bullshit. We could be naked together by now and I could be giving you the first of many orgasms, but you just can't let go, can you? How fucking disappointing."

I reached out and cupped her face, running my thumb across her luscious lower lip. She gasped softly and the fire left her eyes briefly before the walls went back up and she slapped my hand away.

"You've got to let someone in sometime, Rose," I said softly, "I really wish it had been me. You deserve it to be me."

She gazed back at me impassively. Sadly, even that made my cock ache.

"I'm walking out of here in about five seconds, so if you want to say anything to me, now is the time."

She raised an eyebrow at me and counted down, "Five...four....three...two...one."

I shook my head in disbelief.

"Goodbye, McCarty," she said softly, a shadow of uncertainty flickering behind her eyes.

I sighed and took one last look at my Goddess before shoving my hands in my pockets and readjusting my erection as I turned to walk away.

"Goodbye, Rose."

I could feel the heat of her gaze on my back as I headed toward the exit.

Fuck it.

Damn beautiful, stubborn, sexy-assed woman. Why couldn't she just admit I was her goddamn destiny and be done with it? Stupid prideful bullshit.

I came upon Bella and Rob who both looked at me questioningly.

"She's all yours, buddy," I sighed, looking back to where Rose was still standing, hands defiantly on her hips.

"Really?" Rob said, looking hopeful.

"No, not really, dumb-ass," I growled as I stalked off, "Go near her and I'll rip your fucking dick off."

"Good to know," Rob called to my back.

Christ, I'm going to owe him the biggest damn apology in the morning. I've been a first-class prick to him all night and he totally doesn't deserve it. Good one, McCarty. You're a freaking legend.

I made my way out of the ballroom and over to the elevators, making it up to my room quickly before slamming the door and flopping into the couch in frustration. I closed my eyes and pushed my head back into the cushion, desperately trying to stop myself from sprinting back down to the ballroom and finding Rosalie and begging her to forget what I'd said.

My skin felt like it was crawling off my body, it was so desperate for her touch. I'd never felt anything like it, and although it freaked me the fuck out, I had to admit, it was intoxicating as all hell. I'd treated countless addicts over the years, but this was the first time I truly understood what they were going through. Everything else in my life had suddenly faded into the background and was replaced by my all-encompassing need for her. All I could think about was her.

I grunted in exasperation and pulled off my shoes and socks, standing up and ripping off my shirt as I padded over to the fridge and grabbed a beer. I took a long swig and opened the room service menu, suddenly ravenous and in need of a huge motherfucking cheese-burger with everything.

I quickly made a call to room service and finished the rest of my beer as I paced impatiently.

Five minutes later there was a knock on the door and I strode over to open it.

I'd no sooner turned the handle than the door exploded open and a very pissed-off and highly fuckable Rosalie Hale burst into the room.

"How dare you?!" she yelled as she shoved her hands into my naked chest, "How fucking DARE you meet me and see through me and turn me on beyond anything I've EVER experienced and then LEAVE me, desperate and needy and not knowing how the hell to react, because I've never met anyone like you before and NO-ONE has EVER spoken to me the way you did tonight, and although it annoyed the living crap out of me, I secretly loved it because after so many years of people saying yes to me just because of the way I look, it was actually kind of incredible for someone to look past all that and tell me no for once, and now I'm rambling like a goddamn maniac because I've just realized that you're not wearing a shirt, and holy mother of GOD your body is fucking UNBELIEVABLE and I'm suddenly finding it hard to string a whole comprehensible sentence together because you're making me so unbelievably crazy!!"

She shoved me in the chest again and my back hit the wall in the hallway.

"Rosalie..."

"NO!! Don't fucking 'Rosalie' me, Emmett!! You wanted honesty? I'm giving you honesty!! I'll give you so much damn honesty your head will explode!! You want me to admit I want you? I do. I want you more than any man I've ever met. But it's more than that. It's more than just wanting your hands on my body, although I'm pretty damn sure that will be ridiculously spectacular. When I look at you I want things I've never wanted before. I want to wake up in your arms and read the paper with you on a Sunday morning. I want to see you smile in the goddamn rain. I want to COOK for you, for fuck's sake and the last thing I cooked was hash-brownies three years ago and I burnt them to a crisp!!! So there!! That's my honesty!! Are you fucking happy now?"

My breath rasped through my shocked and elated lungs as I said, "Oh, God, Rose. You have no _idea_ how happy I am."

I wrapped my arms around her and shoved her against the opposite wall, my mouth coming down to hers in an eruption of passion and destiny and complete perfection.

Jesus, she tasted incredible!

She wrapped her arms and legs around me as I crushed her against the wall, my hands pushing her skirt up to her waist as I grabbed her ass roughly. Our mouths opened as mutual groans of lust ripped through us, my tongue tasting hers desperately, an explosion of contentment and primal, ripping need blasting through me.

Her fingernails scraped down my back and a feral growl ripped out of me. She moaned in response, and my mouth went to her neck, sucking and nipping and marking her.

Fuck, yes.

This is exactly what I wanted to do to her from the moment I laid eyes on her tonight - claim her as mine. Show the world that from now on, I was the only one who would be making her body scream with pleasure.

"Oh, Jesus, yes, Emmett. Harder....suck harder."

She wants it too. She wants my mark.

My heart erupted with new fire, pumping the sweet ecstasy of her acceptance through my aching body.

She threw her head back and groaned loudly as her hands shoved my head further into her throat, gripping me desperately as my tongue and teeth bruised the delicate skin.

"You're mine now," I moaned as I came back to her mouth. "You'll always be mine."

"God, yes," she cried, running her hands across my chest and arms as I thrust my tongue into her mouth and crushed her to me.

Jesus. I felt like an animal. I couldn't get enough of her. I couldn't get close enough to her. My hands couldn't find enough skin. I needed more. I had to have more.

"Is this an expensive dress?" I panted as I ground my erection into her. She grasped my hair and tugged roughly.

"Yes."

"I'll buy you a new one," I snarled as I ripped it off her body, my hands finally meeting the silky warmth of her naked skin.

She gasped and writhed against me, and every sound that tumbled out of her inflamed me even more. My mouth was everywhere, tasting her sweet skin, suckling her goddamn delicious nipples, devouring her hungry tongue.

I needed her like I needed oxygen. I had to be inside her. I had to feel her surrounding me and claiming me as I had claimed her. I was completely desperate for it, and ashamed at how badly I needed it.

Apparently Rose was just as desperate, because she reached down between us and grappled frantically with the clasp of my pants.

"Get these damn things off immediately, McCarty," she ordered. "I need you inside me. Right now!!"

I reached down with one hand and ripped open my pants, shoving them and my boxers down roughly as I held her up with the other. As soon as my erection was free, Rose gripped it and started stroking it firmly.

"OH, JESUS!!" I roared as her tight hand tugged at my aching flesh, coiling pleasure contracting inside me with every pass of her fingers.

That was it. Foreplay was officially fucking over.

I reached down and tore her tiny g-string off her, plunging my fingers inside her and groaning embarrassingly loudly when I felt her tighten around them.

"OH, GOD, YES!!" she yelled as I watched her face contort with pleasure. "Emmett," she begged, bringing her pleading eyes to mine, "Please...fuck me. I need you to fuck me....now."

The sound of her begging almost brought me undone immediately.

I gripped myself as she writhed above me, just as desperate and frantic as I was, both of us needing more – needing everything from each other.

"Condom?" I asked breathlessly.

"Not necessary," she moaned in response. "I'm clean and on the pill."

"Thank Christ for that. Me too," I growled as I pushed myself into her, a low rumbling cry pouring out of me as I encased myself in her.

"Oh, Holy Mother of Fuck," I murmured as I promptly forgot the names of every other woman I had ever slept with. I forgot how any other woman felt. I questioned why I had every bothered with anything less than this. I marvelled at how I had ever survived as long as I had without Rosalie touching me and kissing me and looking at me with absolute awe and wonder.

Suddenly, all I knew was the complete and utter rightness of being joined with this woman, and feeling her blood pulse around me as her incredible voice moaned my name.

"Oh, Emmett...Jesus, you feel....oh, God...so good."

I started moving inside her, pushing her up the wall with every thrust, her eyes locking onto mine as our bodies moved and thrilled and grasped each other.

I'd never really thought about the term 'perfection' before, but I'm pretty sure the feeling of my cock moving in and out of Rosalie Hale was the text-book definition of it.

"Oh, Rose...goddammit...you...feel...fucking...incredible..."

She wailed and cried as I thrust hard into her, every muscle in my body straining and coiling and desperate for the impending ecstasy she was dragging out of me. Her walls tensed and contracted around me, the muscles gradually tightening as her cries got more and more desperate. I almost howled like a fucking wolf when my name and her voice started filling the empty space around us.

"Emmett...oh, God, YES! Emmett...Jesus, EMMETT!!!"

I felt her grip me fiercely as she threw her head back and screamed my name, a supreme feeling of intense satisfaction blasting through me as her orgasm exploded all around me.

I grunted loudly as the final tether to my control was obliterated and I came in strong, hot pulses of outrageous pleasure inside her.

"Rosalie!!! Oh, God...YES!!!"

I buried myself in her as we moaned into each other's necks, everything I had ever known about ecstasy and joy being completely re-written by the thick whispers of her satisfaction echoing off the pristine walls.

Perfection.

Mind blowing fucking perfection.

Our bodies collapsed against each other, our ragged breathing mixing in the heavy air between us.

_Jesus fucking Christ._

I was still trembling. Every nerve ending was still mute and dumbfounded by what I had just experienced.

I kissed her mouth and felt contentment like I had never known. For so many years I thought I knew what serenity was. I was wrong. This. This moment, here in the arms of this incredible woman. This was true serenity.

_There's only one thing that would make this moment any better..._

There was a knock at the door.

"Room service!!"

_And there it is._

"McCarty," Rose sighed as she ran her fingers through my hair, "If there is a cheeseburger on the other side of that door, I may just need to marry you."

I laughed and kissed her again.

_Perfection._

***

**BPOV**

"Come on, Rob, slow down. Please."

I watched as he drained his third beer in as many minutes.

Damn. The boy could drink.

He burped quietly and looked at me.

"Swan, I plan on getting shit-faced. Completely and utterly rat-arsed stonkered. Now, in the immortal words of George W, if you're not with me, then you're against me. So please step the fuck aside and let me get on with it."

He gestured to the bartender who placed another beer in front of him. He picked it up and toasted me.

"Bottoms up, love."

I reached out and grabbed it off him.

"Hey!"

"Rob, stop it. So you're not going home with Blondie McSkankerson? So what? Is she really worth projectile vomiting over?"

He glared at me and snatched the bottle back.

"Swan, I NEVER projectile vomit. I believe that is your area of expertise. When I get drunk I simply become more witty and adorable – and tend to propose a lot." He lifted the bottle to his lips but I pulled it away before he could drink.

"God-DAMMIT, Swan! Would you stop doing that?!"

"Look," I said, placing the beer on the bar behind me as I avoided his glare, "There are tons of attractive women at this party. Could you please stop feeling sorry for yourself and go work your mojo on some of them?"

"Why bother?" he said, throwing his hands up in frustration. "I thought I was working my mojo earlier and yet here I am – alone again and unable to even drown my sorrows without a woman ruining it for me. Do you lot all ring each other in the morning and decide how to gang up on poor, unsuspecting sods like me, or do you just have some sort of freaky alien hive-mind that allows you to band together and systematically crush the male of the species into a tangled mess of blue-balls and alcohol deprivation? I mean, really, I thought you women were supposed to be the fairer sex, but you're vicious! All of you! That's it. I'm done. I'm throwing in the acting towel and becoming a priest. Celibacy – here I come!"

He gestured to the bartender who obligingly plonked down another bottle of beer. I glared at him.

"You want me to hurt you, don't you?"

Rob grabbed the beer quickly and took a long drink before I could intervene. I sighed in frustration.

Suddenly, I felt warm arms envelop me as soft lips pressed against my shoulder. All of my frustration immediately evaporated.

"Hmmm. Hey, sexy man."

I leaned my body back against taut muscles, and inhaled as Edward's chin nestled into my shoulder.

_Dear God, he smells good. All musky and masculine with the leather of his jacket adding to the vagina-melting mix._

"Hey, you," he sighed as he turned his face and nuzzled my cheek with his nose, inhaling deeply. "What's going on?"

I gestured to Rob who was looking at us with a sneer. "Rob's sworn off women and is joining the seminary. You know – the usual."

Edward's warm chuckle vibrated through my back.

"Oh, Jesus, Rob, that's pretty fucking drastic, man. You don't have to join the priesthood to become celibate. You're doing a pretty good job on your own, buddy."

Rob glared at him.

"You're not fucking funny, Cullen," he snapped. "And as someone who has probably never gone two days without sticking his cock into something, you are officially banned from commenting on my sex-life. Or lack thereof."

Edward laughed and said, "Hey! I'll have you know I once went six months without having sex."

Rob scoffed loudly.

"Bullshit."

"It's true!"

"When?"

"Just before I met Bella. I'd just gone through rehab and Jasper ordered me not to compensate for my lack of prohibited substances by screwing every woman who crossed my path. It was hell."

"Damn," Rob said, obviously impressed. "Six months...and here I was thinking I was pathetic. After six months, I would have been insane."

Edward kissed my neck, making my thighs explode with electricity.

"I was," he said softly. "And then Bella came along and everything made sense."

I groaned quietly and turned to face him, my hand grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down to my mouth.

_Oh, sweet merciful God._

His lips met mine as one hand pressed against the small of my back and the other one cupped my face. I could hear our breathing speed up as our mouths opened to each other, our tongues stoking each other as our bodies melded – soft to hard.

"Oh, would you two get a fucking room? Please!" Rob begged. "It's bad enough that I'm going home alone tonight. I don't need to feel jealous of you two sucking face as well."

I felt Edward smile and we pulled back to look at the sulking Brit.

"Aw, baby," Edward said seductively, "Don't be jealous. I can suck your face too if you ask me really nicely."

Rob gave him the stink-eye and flipped him the bird, smirking and shaking his head when Edward and I burst out laughing.

"It's not bloody funny, you know," he whined. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing wrong."

"I do," Edward said smugly.

Rob raised his eyebrow at him. "Are you just being a smart-ass to piss me off or do you actually have something useful to say?"

Edward draped his arm over my shoulder and smirked. "Have you seen the fine-assed woman I landed, Pattinson? Do you think I MIGHT know a thing or two about the fairer sex?"

Rob laughed bitterly.

"Mate, the only reason you have that fine-assed woman is because she's remarkable enough and forgiving enough to overlook your massive character flaws and lack of moral judgement."

Edward deflated immediately.

"Yeah, well, perhaps that true, but I still know why you're having trouble with the ladies."

"Alright, fine," Rob sighed, taking a mouthful of beer. "Please, deign to enlighten me with your wisdom, oh wise one."

Edward looked at Rob evenly and said, "You're too nice."

Rob's face darkened.

"You bastard," he seethed. "I thought we were friends. I thought you LIKED me, and you turn around and call me 'nice'? That's it, Cullen. You're dead to me. Funny how you go off people sometimes."

Edward chuckled and patted Rob on the shoulder.

"Rob, you're a great guy – you're good looking, you're considerate, you're funny – you're a complete SNAG."

Rob looked confused.

"What the fuck is a SNAG?"

"Sensitive New-Age Guy."

"Of course."

"You see, the age of the SNAG is over. At the moment women like their men to be dark and brooding. Allow me to demonstrate."

Edward turned to me and scowled, his eyes dark and dangerous and ridiculously sexy.

"Bella," he rasped in a needy voice, "You are driving me fucking insane in that goddamn dress. You look like a walking, breathing orgasm. But no matter how incredible you look in it, you'll look so much better out of it. Take it off. Now. Before I take it off for you."

_Oh Jesus H Ever-Lovin' Keerist!!!_

I swallow hard as I resisted the urge to tear my dress into shreds and hang-off Edward's leg like a damsel on the cover of a Harlequin Romance.

"Okay," I whimpered pathetically, practically reaching for the zipper.

"See?" Edward said proudly. "Do you think I'd have gotten that response if I'd said, 'Oh, I say, Bella, love, would you mind awfully removing your frock? It's making my penis all hard and tingly."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Rob huffed, "I do NOT talk like that!"

Edward laughed.

"Look, the point is, you need to be a bit darker. Give the ladies an edge of danger. I guarantee it will work for you."

Rob's perfect brows creased in thought. "You know, Cullen, you might not be speaking total shit. Maybe I should give it a go. I'm a bloody actor, for God's sake. Surely I can act all broody and surly."

"Yeah, you can," Edward said enthusiastically. "Do you want to practice on Bella?"

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Um...baby? I really don't think that a good idea. Remember how you get insanely jealous?"

Edward laughed. "Honey, it's just Rob."

Rob sighed and muttered, "Seriously. There must have been a memo – Pattinson's ego? Kill on sight."

"Come on, Rob," Edward urged, "Give it a go."

Rob ran his fingers through his hair and smiled wryly. "Okay. I'll try it. But don't blame me if your girlfriend tries to jump my bones after this, mate."

Rob took a step forward and looked down at me, his face darkening and his brows furrowing.

_Oh, wow. Um...ok...yep...he's got the face down._

"Bella," he rumbled, his voice rich and dark with desperate need, "Do you have any idea what you do to me? How hard you make me? My cock has been aching for you all damn night, and every time you look at me I just want to destroy that piece of annoying satin that's keeping me from your silky skin and just worship your body with my hands and mouth, before plunging myself into you, over and over again...."

"Okay!" Edward said quickly, stepping between us, "That's enough! Stop right the fuck there." _Uh, yeah. Good idea._ " That was out of line, Pattinson."

Rob laughed and threw up his hands. "What? I was just doing what you said. I was trying to turn Bella on."

"Yeah, well, that seemed a little too fucking real for my liking," Edward practically snarled.

"Cullen, I'm an actor. Of course it seemed real."

"You're not that good, Rob."

I stepped between them and held up my hands.

"Alright, that's enough you two. Edward – stop it. You said you could handle it, so stop being such a dick. And Rob – that was excellent. If I wasn't already spoken for I would totally fuck you."

"BELLA!!" Edward roared.

I laughed and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Oh, baby, I'm just teasing you. You know I wouldn't fuck Rob." He relaxed slightly in my arms. "I'd definitely suck his cock though."

Edward pinched his nose and laughed grudgingly. "You are an evil and sexy woman, Isabella Swan. Now stop torturing me and find a woman for Rob to dazzle."

"Yes!" Rob said triumphantly. "Thank you for supporting my ability to dazzle. Bring on the dazzle victim. I'm ready to unleash the full force of the Pattinson Panty-Dropping Power."

I quickly scanned the room before my eyes lock on a petite, attractive brunette standing a short distance away.

"Her," I said definitely, pointing. "She's the one, Rob. Go get her."

Rob craned his neck to get a better look. "Oh, wow. Yeah, nice one, Swan. She's fucking gorgeous. Dark hair...green eyes...great ass..." He squinted his eyes. "Wait a minute...is that....no! Fuck me, it is!! That's the girl from 'Into the Wild'!! I LOVE that movie! And oh, Jesus, she is so bloody hot in that film she almost melted my eye-balls. And talented? Holy bloody hell, that girl can ACT, even if she does do a staggering amount of unnecessary blinking."

He suddenly looked at me in a panic. "Oh...God...no. No, no, no. I can't dazzle her, Swan. I can't. She's all serious and intimidating. She'll eat me alive."

I took his hands, willing him to have confidence in himself.

"Rob, you can do this. Just be cool and everything will be fine."

"Uh, no, it really won't be. You don't understand, okay? She's seriously goddamn amazing and I'm...well...I'm British."

I laughed and hugged him.

"Pattinson, you are one of the most amazing men I know, and strangely enough, I know a shitload of amazing men. So stop with the self-deprecating bullshit and own your hotness."

He looked at me skeptically.

"You really think I'm hot?"

"Yes. I really think you're hot. White-hot. Scorching hot."

"Edward hot?"

"Just be content with scorching hot, okay?"

He exhaled and fiddled with his hair. "How do I look? Does the mane look chaotic and random?"

"Absolutely. Completely random. You might want to re-button your shirt though. It's crooked."

He looked down and cringed. "Oh, shit. Why do I keep doing that? It's not fucking rocket science. Just line up the holes with the little pieces of plastic, Pattinson!!"

He hastily re-buttoned his shirt, stopping when he noticed he had fucked it up, and tried again. Eventually he got it right and we all breathed a sigh of relief.

"Alright," he said, rolling his head around and taking a few deep breaths, "I'm ready. I can do this. I am scorching hot. 'Into the Wild' girl – prepare to be dazzled."

"Probably don't call her that to her face," I offered helpfully.

"Oh, yeah. Right. Good advice. Brilliant."

"Go get her, Pattsy!" I cried enthusiastically.

He set his face in a scowl and strode over to her, looking for all the world like a young James Dean.

Edward leaned into me and whispered, "She's going to destroy him."

I sighed and nodded.

"Yeah. I know."

He chuckled and pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me before kissing me, seductively slowly, his tongue igniting a smoldering blaze inside me.

"Hmmm...I have to go," he murmured against my neck as his hands stroked my naked shoulder blades. "Apparently I have to go sing tonight, even though I'd much rather stay here and do obscene things to my ridiculously sexy girlfriend.

I sighed and ran my hands over his chest and stomach, every part of me aching for him. A low moan rumbled out of his chest and my heart rate almost doubled.

"I like your idea much better," I said softly.

He pulled me against him and Giney started a full on throb-campaign when she felt Godzy desperately trying to get to her through Edward's jeans.

"Yeah, me too," he groaned before taking my mouth hungrily in his.

Oh, God. Kissing him is the most tortuously exquisite experience I have ever, and will ever have.

Suddenly my purse started ringing. Edward sighed and let me go.

"I bet I know who that is," he lamented, running his hands through his hair before discreetly adjusting what must have been a highly uncomfortable erection.

I fished my phone out of my tiny clutch and touched the screen.

"Hello?"

"Bella, where the fuck is he? He was supposed to be up here at the stage ten minutes ago. Can you please find him and put your foot up his ass for me? His set is about to start."

I laughed and started pushing Edward towards the stage at the other end of the massive ballroom.

"No problem, Alice. He's on his way."

"Thanks, Bells."

I hung up as Edward wrapped his arm around me.

"You know," he said sexily, "As soon as I finish this set, there's really no reason for us to stay at this party."

"Oh really?" I answered, purposely sliding my hand down to his rocking ass and squeezing firmly. "Then does that mean you want to see Dominant Bella come out to play back in the Magical Love Cave?"

He stopped dead and turned to face me, his face intense and needy.

"Bella, unless you absolutely intend to bring Dominant Bella out to play, don't even fucking joke about her, okay? My cock can't stand the thought of that much goddamn hotness."

"Oh, I'd never joke about Dominant Bella, baby," I said as I stood on my toes and slowly licked his bottom lip. "That bitch has absolutely no sense of humor. She'd make you suffer."

His eyes fluttered slightly and he groaned.

"I think I could probably do all my songs twice as fast tonight if that will get me naked with Dominant Bella sooner," he rasped.

I laughed and pushed him the few remaining feet towards the stage. I could see Alice pacing and looking at her watch.

Shit. He really had to go, and I so didn't want him to. There was a strange unease squirming in my guts that only seemed to ease when Edward was touching me.

I sighed and kissed him before pushing him away.

"Go," I said firmly as he stopped in front of me. "Go and be brilliant. I'll be here waiting. Listening. Salivating."

He laughed and waved, calling out, "I love you, baby," before striding over to Alice who slapped him on the arm before handing him his guitar.

He looked over to me and winked as a booming voice-over filled the room.

"_And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for. Please welcome to the stage, to perform songs from his new album, 'Work In Progress', Edward Cullen!!"_

A huge roar went up from the crowd as Edward walked onstage, smiling and magnificent as the lights found him, making him glow in all his masculine perfection.

As he started to play, an immediate, expectant hush fell on the room. When he started to sing, I could almost feel everybody exhale in wonder, me included.

I closed my eyes as his voice wrapped around me like velvet fire.

"_I'll never be a knight in armor with a sword in hand, or a kamikaze fighter..._

_Don't count on me, to storm the barricade and take a stand, or hold my ground..._

_You'll never see any scars or wounds,_

_I won't walk on coals, I won't walk on water..._

_I am no prince, I am no saint,  
I am not anyone's wildest dream,  
But I can stand behind  
And be someone to fall back on." _

I swayed slightly as I let myself get caught up in his voice – pure emotion pouring through his lyrics and invading my heart, leaving me breathless and in awe.

"_And I'll be that, I'll take your side.  
If I'm the only one, I'm used to that.  
I've been alone,  
I'd rather be, The half of us,  
The least of you, The best of me.  
And I will be  
Your prince,  
I'll be your saint,  
I will go crashing through fences  
In your name. I will, I swear -  
I'll be someone to fall back on..."_

I was so lost in him and his voice and the very essence of why I loved him so much that I was surprised when I became aware that my phone was ringing. I snapped my eyes open and fumbled with my purse, grabbing the phone clumsily as I answered it and held it to my ear.

_Shit, I hope it isn't Alice ready to rip me a new one because I've forgotten to organize something._

"Hello?" I said cautiously.

There was silence on the other end of the line.

I looked at the screen. The number was blocked.

"Hello?" I said again. "Look, I can't hear you. If you can hear me you may need to try and call back. Sorry."

I was just about to press the 'end' button when a shockingly familiar yet alien voice spoke tentatively.

"Bella? Honey? Is that you?"

I dropped the phone.

_Oh, God, no._

***

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**Author Notes**

**Oh...shit.**

**How will Bella react to the person on the other end of the phone? Stay tuned and find out.**

**An ENORMOUS thanks to everyone who participated in The Fandom Gives Back Auction – the amount of money raised was truly inspirational. Huge bewb gropes to everyone on Team Godzy who raised a massive $750 to buy a special Screamers Smut-A-Thon one-shot. You girls astound me with your generosity, and extra special tweakage goes out to sunshine00 for her incredible dedication in getting everyone organized. Love you Shelley.**

**Also an enormous shout out to JustJasmine and AltheaJ who unexpectedly formed Team Grasping Darkness and purchased another chapter of WindowWard, who by the way was featured on Ninapolitan's 'Smut Monday's' this week and has proven to be a bit bloody popular. Just to let you all know I will be extending Grasping Darkness as the response to it has been truly mind blowing.**

**I aim to get both auction one-shot's up by Christmas.**

**Reviews are like giant perverted bewb gropes with extra sexy tweakage – why would you deny me that?**

**Push the button and make my day.**

**Love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	33. Fucking Angry

**Chapter Notes**

**Dear readers, **

**I humbly apologize for this update being so heinously late, but unfortunately I lost my Gran since I last saw you and I needed to take some personal time.**

**To my Beta-Goddess, Catty-Wan – thank you SO much for making me do the right thing with this chapter. I'm unbelievably grateful that you 'get' me and aren't afraid to kick my ass.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight characters, but after writing this chapter, I desperately want to own a granite work-top in my kitchen.**

**Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 33 – Fucking Angry**

**EPOV**

I closed my eyes as the familiar rush of adrenaline I always got when I sang washed over me. My heart rate sped up as the words and music poured out, the emotion of the song pulsating through me. My fingers found the chords automatically, my voice tugging on the melody, pulling it from my body like a magician pulls silk-scarves from his pocket.

I opened my eyes and found Bella who was looking at me in wonder; looking at me like she couldn't believe what she was hearing. It made me feel a thousand feet tall.

To have that woman – that incredible, beautiful, intelligent, sexy, amazing woman - look at me like that was better than any drug I had ever shoved into my body. It was better than any high I could possibly imagine.

Suddenly, everything else in the room ceased to exist and I was singing just for her. Every word, every note – all of it – was only for her.

I gripped my guitar tighter as a rush of passion and love and lust and awe blasted through me. My blood was pounding so fiercely through my veins, I felt like I was fucking glowing, lighting up the room with the intensity of the feelings I had towards my beautiful Bella.

I was coming to the end of my first song when Bella started fumbling with her purse. I watched as she answered her phone, pushing her hand over her ear to block out the noise I was making. She spoke for a few seconds before dropping the phone like it was made of molten lava. She then stared at it, a look of shock on her face, before picking it up and shoving it back into her purse, and then quickly turning and pushing through the crowd towards the back of the room, disappearing from view as the bodies around her surged forward, engulfing her completely.

I frowned slightly as I finished the song and took the applause. The audience was going berserk and I dragged my thoughts away from Bella long enough to acknowledge them with a smile and a wave.

_What the hell was going on? Why had Bella rushed off in such a damn hurry?_

I looked down and saw Alice. She impatiently motioned for me to talk, and I quickly mumbled an introduction for the next song. I couldn't help scanning the crowd as I slammed out the first chords of what I like to refer to as my 'fucking angry/angry fucking' song. I growled out the lyrics as my foot stamped the rhythm, my frustration at not knowing what the hell was happening to the woman I loved proving useful as the song thrashed and writhed to its climax.

The crowd went crazy again, but by this point I was so goddamned sick with concern that I looked at Alice desperately, mouthing the words, "Where's Bella?" to her confused and slightly pissed-off face.

I was pretty impressed that I was able to lip-read when she replied, "How the fuck should I know, ass-munch? Now finish your fucking set before I come up on stage and shove that very expensive musical instrument straight up your ass."

Obviously I was gifted in the art of lip-reading small, scary, violent uber-bitches. Hurray for me.

I grudgingly introduced the next song, trying to push my panic aside. I took a few deep breaths as my fingers picked out the introduction on the metal strings, trying to calm the part of me that wanted to tear the fucking ballroom apart until I found Bella and found out what was going on. I had a bad feeling squirming in my guts and not even my new-found serenity could dampen it. I had one song to go and all of a sudden that seemed like it was going to be the longest three and a half minutes of my life.

I finished the song in a daze, surprised when I looked over to Alice and saw Bella standing beside her. She had an expression on her face that I'd never seen before and that's pretty damn impressive, considering that the range of her expressions I'd memorized was pretty comprehensive.

I looked at her with concern and mouthed, "Are you okay?"

She gave me a small, hesitant smile, and the knot of worry tightened inside me.

I frowned at her, but she quickly distracted me by mouthing, "I'm fine. Now finish your set, Asstard, so I can make your fucking head explode with pleasure."

_Note to self: Your newly-discovered lip-reading abilities rock. Now, remember to find out what's bugging Bella, and she may reward you by blowing your mind...and hopefully your cock._

"Okay, folks, I have one more song before I go. Thanks for coming tonight and I look forward to cumming soon. I mean...uh...I look forward to cumming...um...to you...ah....shit. If you like my stuff, buy the album."

Okay, apparently all available blood was now rushing to my erection and my brain had stopped functioning. Excellent.

I launched into the song and tried to stop myself from cutting it short after the first chorus. As I sang, I occasionally looked down at Bella. The slight haunted frown she wore was dwarfed by the look of pure, unadulterated hunger on her face, and suddenly all I could think about was the extreme amount of sex I was going to engage in as soon as the song was over.

I finished the song on a high, thrashing the strings as the crowd yelled and cheered. I looked over at Bella and she licked her lips.

"That's it. Show's over, folks. Goodnight!!"

I waved to the screaming crowd for a few seconds before striding off the stage, removing my guitar as I went.

I bounded down the steps and grabbed Bella, pulling her against my body as I kissed her roughly. She moaned and wrapped her arms around my neck, gripping my hair and tugging on it.

"Oh, fuck, Bella, yes."

I heard Alice sigh and mumble beside us.

"God, it's not bad enough that he was eye-fucking her so hard during the set that I almost had to race onstage and wrap condoms around his eyeballs, now he's going to grope her inappropriately in front of reps from his record company and his fans. What a fucking non-genius."

I pulled back and glared at her.

"You know I can hear you, Alice, right?"

She looked at me sheepishly and sighed. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm just in a crappy mood because I haven't been able to spend any time with Dr. Mc Have-you-seen-how-fucking-amazing-my-junk-looks-in-these-tight-ass-jeans-I'm-wearing-tonight, and I guess I'm feeling a little tense. I mean, honestly, do you have any idea how damn frustrating it is to be in the same room as your perfect sexual counterpart and not be able to fuck the hell out of them?"

I gestured to Bella and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Oh, right," she said dryly, "Maybe you have some idea." She looked over to the VIP section of the room where all of the record company execs were high-fiving each other and quietly getting tanked. She looked back at Bella and me and sighed. "Okay, because I'm feeling generous, you can have five minutes of naughty canoodling with Bella, but then you have to come and help me schmooze the record company reps before they stagger home. Deal?"

I nodded as I dragged Bella behind the darkened stage. "You got it, sis. See ya in five."

I pulled Bella through the heavy black curtains on the side of the stage and quickly looked around. It was deserted.

_Yes_!

I turned around to face her, kissing her deeply before pulling back and looking into her beautiful face.

Jesus, she was stunning, but her eyes were dark and guarded, even more so than after she found out that Bree had tracked down her mother. She tried to hide it and smiled at me quickly when she saw my concern, but I knew something was going on in her head, and I didn't like the look of it one damn bit.

I ran my fingers down the side of her face, gently tilting her head up to look at me.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

She responded by grabbing the back of my head and mumbling, "Nothing that having your hands on me can't fix," before pushing herself up against my body and dragging my face down to hers.

She attacked my mouth hungrily, licking and sucking at my lips until my self-control crumbled pathetically and I kissed her back frantically, and spun her around so I could pin her up against the back wall and grind myself into her.

I pulled her dress up as she wrapped one leg around my hip and rocked into me. It took every ounce of strength I had to resist reaching down and ripping off her panties so I could plunge my fingers inside her, but instead I contented myself with reaching a hand between us and stroking her firmly through the flimsy lace. She moaned and grabbed the back of my head, shoving her tongue further into my mouth.

Okay, there's something else going on here. Bella's always a bit rough when she gets turned on, but I could tell this was different.

_Christ, Cullen, would you stop thinking so damn much and just focus on what this woman is doing to your body? Your cock is so damn hard you could engrave metal with it._

Well, that was true.

I tried to relieve some of the ache by rubbing against her hip while I teased her clit through her panties. Of course, a part of me knew that Bella and I needed to talk about what was going on with her sooner rather than later, but that wasn't the part I was thinking with at the moment.

I finally realized that dry-humping her shamelessly really wasn't going to help matters, so I wrenched myself away from her and stepped back, panting raggedly as I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration, desperately trying to ignore the raging ache in my groin that was screaming out to be buried inside her.

She closed her eyes and exhaled noisily, smoothing her dress down with trembling hands.

I looked at my watch.

_Shit._

"I have to go," I said roughly, really not wanting to.

She opened her eyes and looked at me, and I was stunned at the desperation I saw.

"I know. I hate it."

I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her waist, looking down on her with concern. She stepped into me and put her head on my chest, a heavy sigh falling out of her as her arms circled me and squeezed me tightly.

"Bella, are you sure you're alright? You've been tense ever since you found out that Bree tracked down your Mom."

She stiffened in my arms.

"Edward, I'm fine," she said, a hard edge creeping into her voice. "Totally, seriously fine."

It was at that moment, I realized Bella was definitely not fine, but I didn't know how much I could push her to talk about it without her cracking in half.

Her Mom had damaged her beyond belief when she threw her out onto the streets, basically causing her to be thrust into a living hell for three years of her life. Was I really surprised that the mere thought of that heinous bitch was fucking with Bella's mind? I didn't experience any of the pain and humiliation she had endured, and yet it still made my goddamn blood boil. I'd hate to think what it was doing to Bella.

Upstairs in our suite was a non-descript yellow envelope that contained the current address and contact details for Bella's Mom. Part of me wanted to tear that fucker open, grab the address and turn up on her doorstep raving like a lunatic about the torture her mind-blowing fucking selfishness had caused, but I knew that probably wouldn't be a good idea. For a start, Emmett would murder me, and I'm pretty sure Bella would help him.

There was no doubt in my mind Bella had to deal with what her Mom had done to her, but I had no idea how or when that was going to happen. Whenever the subject came up in the past, she had shut me down immediately, but I knew she needed to lance the giant boil of resentment that was festering inside her. It was the one part of her past that I couldn't do anything about – only she could purge that poison.

She inhaled deeply and I felt her arms tighten around me.

"Baby, I have to go."

"No. They can't have you. You're mine."

I chuckled and pulled away so I could look down at her.

"Is that right?"

"Yes," she said with a small smile. "I have a bill of sale and everything. They can't take you from me. I know my rights."

I kissed her lips softly.

"So how much did you pay for me?" I enquired with a smirk.

Her eyes dropped to the floor and a look of pain crossed her features.

"Oh, a few years of pain and hardship, but it was totally worth it."

"Bella..."

She shook her head and laughed bitterly.

"Forget about it. I'm just being ridiculous."

"You're not being ridiculous. Please talk to me."

She looked up at me and, as usual, her eyes slayed me with their depth.

"I don't know. I was just thinking that everything that's happened to me in my life – all the beatings and pain and humiliation – all of it led to me finding you. I'd do it all again if it meant I get to have you."

"Baby, I'd be yours no matter what. I'd be yours without you paying any price at all."

"No, you wouldn't," she said defiantly, and I could tell she was trying to push down her emotions. "You wouldn't, because I wouldn't be the same person. If I hadn't gone through everything I did, I'd be completely different. I might be a person you couldn't give a crap about or someone you wouldn't look at twice."

"Bella, that's just fucking crazy. There's no way I could not love you. It's impossible."

I ran my hands up and down her arms as she started fidgeting with my belt-loops, her jaw clenching and releasing.

"Baby, what's all this about? Does this have something to do with the phone-call you got tonight?"

Her brows furrowed slightly, but she quickly composed her face. "What phone-call?"

"The phone-call you got during my set? I saw you drop your phone. You looked...upset."

She brought her hands up to my chest and began rubbing them firmly against my pecs, grazing her fingernails over my nipples in a way that almost made me forget the question.

Almost.

"Bella?"

She lifted the bottom of my t-shirt and ran her fingertips across my abs, stroking them and making me moan, my fingers automatically gripping the waist of her dress roughly as she stroked and teased me.

"Bella?" I groaned, my voice low and rough with desire, "The phone-call?"

Her right hand trailed down to the tight bulge in my pants and starting squeezing my cock rhythmically, and suddenly I found it very difficult to give a fuck about who was on the other end of the phone. All I could focus on was her hand and the building pleasure in my abdomen.

"It was no-one," she said quietly. "Don't worry about it."

Her tone of voice set off alarm bells in my head. Unfortunately, the screaming of my cock all but drowned them out.

"Bella, please tell me it wasn't Bree, because if that bitch ever bothers you again, I'm going to have to murder her, and I'm way too pretty to go to jail."

She laughed as her fingers continued to torture poor throbbing Godzy.

"No, it wasn't Bree. It was a wrong number. Please, just forget about it, Edward."

Shit. She might as well have constructed a huge fucking neon sign that read, "If you forget about it, Edward, you're a complete fucking idiot, because this piece of information is so important I'm trying to keep it from you. You don't turn white as a sheet and drop your phone for a 'wrong number'."

Logically, I knew I had to get to the bottom of this. Unfortunately for me, her fingers were still stroking my cock, making logical thought all but impossible.

Still, I tried.

"Bella, it didn't look like a wrong number," I groaned with my last ounce of coherence.

"Edward," she said with a hint of anger as she stood on her toes so she could lick my neck, "Do you really want to waste time talking about this now, or would you prefer for me to do this?"

She clamped her mouth down on my neck as her right hand gripped me fiercely through my jeans, her left hand trailing across my chest and pinching my nipple roughly.

"OH, FUCK, BELLA!" I roared as a blast of pleasure rocketed through me.

Fuck it. She is the Queen of Distraction and I'm her helpless pawn. Plus I really had to go. My balls were starting to tighten, which meant I was either about to cum, or Alice was getting ready to rip me a new asshole.

I gently pushed Bella away from me, panting raggedly, knowing full-well that if I endured one more second of her evil teasing, I would forget all about my promise to Alice and spend the next half an hour fucking her roughly from behind instead of fulfilling my PR obligations.

She reached out to me again, but I held up my hand and took another step backwards.

"Baby, stop," I panted, adjusting my erection and wincing. "I have to go now or Alice will cut off my balls and use them as earrings."

She sighed heavily and crossed her arms over her chest. Her tits pushed together in the hottest way imaginable.

_Stupid PR obligations._

"Fine. Go," she said petulantly.

I smirked and resisted the urge to suck on her lips.

"I'll be back as soon as I can."

"You'd better be," she grumped.

"And then, we need to talk."

"No, we really don't."

_Shit, she's not going to make this easy, is she?_

"Where will I find you afterward?"

"At the bar, I suppose, drowning my sorrows while I wait for my Rock-God boyfriend to fuck the hell out of me. Now hurry up or I'm going to have to hurt you."

I scoffed loudly.

"Woman, you couldn't hurt me if you tried. I'm Edward Rock-God Cullen. I'm invincible. I'm cast iron. I'm untouchable. I'm..."

Fast as lightning she reached out and grabbed my balls, squeezing them viciously in her small but deceptively fucking strong hand.

"Oh, shit," I wheezed as I doubled over, a burst of pain jolting through my balls and abdomen.

"See, this is what you get for turning me on until my panties are a soaking mess and then leaving me hanging," she whispered as she glared at me intensely, still gripping me, but loosening her hold slightly. I froze, and tried to breathe through the pain. "Now, don't fuck with me, Pretty-Boy, or I will have to end you."

My cock throbbed and ached under her fingers, despite the fact I was currently whimperingin pain.

_Jesus. Horny, desperate, angry covering-something-up Bella was damn hot._

She suddenly let me go and I exhaled in relief as I straightened up and tried to regain my composure.

"Now, go do your PR duty," she ordered, "Otherwise Alice will come back here and rip your dick off, and I have plans for your talented cock later. I'd hate for it to be all mangled and useless."

I smiled at her and pulled her in for a quick kiss.

"Swan, you are the only person I know who can gross me out and turn me on at the same time. You're truly gifted."

"Get out of here, perv," she laughed, pushing me towards the exit. "I'll see you later."

"I love you."

"Love you too."

***

Forty-five minutes later I was tense, anxious, and desperate to find Bella.

Despite all the progress I'd made in recent weeks, it was still hard to me to be around people who were smoking and drinking to their heart's content while I sipped on Coke and tried to ignore the tempting vices all around me. My skin was crawling over my muscles as I fought the cravings, and I seriously needed Bella to put her hands on me and take away the anxious burn.

Alice had dismissed me after she felt satisfied that I had effectively kissed enough record company ass for one night, and now I was scanning the ballroom for Bella, not really knowing how the fuck I was expected to find her in this sea of people.

I moved toward the bar, but when I got there she was nowhere to be found

I craned my neck to try and find her. I caught a brief glimpse of her halfway across the room and started moving in her direction. She was on the phone again, pacing back and forth near the side of the room and shaking her head vehemently.

_Jesus. Who the hell is she talking to? _

Suddenly, she strode towards the exit and I could see the anger in her gait. I pushed through the crowd to try and get to her, but people kept stopping me to shake my hand and congratulate me. I mumbled my thanks and tried to keep moving, desperately trying to catch up to her. I eventually got out of the ballroom and caught sight of her just as she turned the corner to the bank of elevators.

"Bella!"

She disappeared and I started running, trying to get to her before she got away.

_What the fuck is going on with her tonight?_

I rounded the corner just as the doors to the elevator started to close.

"Bella! Wait!"

The doors shut just as I reached them and I slapped the stainless steel in frustration.

"Goddammit!!"

There was something wrong with her and not knowing was making me feel sick to my stomach. We'd been through so damn much together and all I wanted was for her to be happy - for us to be happy together - but it seemed like shit just kept coming between us.

Well, not anymore. Whatever the fuck was going on with her I was going stop it, or help her, or fix it, and no amount of misdirection on her part was going to distract me.

But first I had to find her.

I assumed she was heading back to our suite, and I looked at the door to the stairs.

_What, are you crazy, Cullen? That's EIGHTEEN flights of stairs, you idiot! You'll have a fucking coronary before you reach the top._

Hey, I've been working out. I could do it.

_Don't be ridiculous._

Just as I was about test out my new-found fitness, the elevator next to me opened and I stepped inside with relief, surprised to see Rosalie wrapped around Emmett like a giant boa constrictor.

My first instinct was to pull the she-devil off of him, but judging by the sounds coming out of his mouth, he seemed to be actually enjoying himself.

I cleared my throat.

They both looked up in surprise.

"Oh, hey, Candy-Floss," Em said with embarrassment as Rosalie looked at me and giggled. "Um...Rosalie and I were just going out to....ah....um....well...."

_Oh, Jesus. Emmett had turned into a fourteen-year-old copping a feel for the first time. God help me._

"Emmett," I said patiently, "I know exactly what you were doing. Don't let Rosalie talk you into having elevator sex. It never works out well, trust me on this. Plus, this elevator has a security camera."

Emmett looked up at the black dome I was pointing to in the ceiling and scowled. "Ah, fuck it."

Rosalie kept the elevator door open by pressing the 'G' button and I seriously had to resist the urge to slap her hand away.

"Listen, guys, I have to get upstairs. Do you mind?" I said with as much patience as I could muster.

Rosalie grabbed the front of Emmett's shirt and dragged him forward.

"Come on, monkey-man. We can still take a ride on the subway."

Emmett grinned at me as he passed, and said, "Hell, yeah," as he gave me the thumbs up.

Well, I guess that answered the question about Em's sexuality. It seemed like he and Rosalie had really...connected...and Rosalie had a look of unguarded happiness that she'd never had in our time together.

I sighed and as soon as they exited I punched the button for the eighteenth floor, tapping my foot nervously as I waited for the doors to close.

Just as they started moving, a hand shot between them and two bodies pushed inside the car, arms and lips tangling as they almost collided with me.

"What the fuck?!!" I said angrily.

"Oh, hey! Edward! How's it going, mate?" Rob said breathlessly as he extricated his face from the pretty brunette I'd seen him with earlier. "Oh, um...Edward this is Kristen...Kristen...Edward."

I reached out and shook the petite girl's hand.

_Jesus. She looks a lot like Bella._

"Hey, Kristen, nice to meet you."

"You too," she said quickly, looking me up and down before looking back at Rob, her mouth gaping slightly.

Rob looked between us then quickly said, "Well...ah...maybe we should take another lift, K, what do you think?"

Kristen nodded and blinked. "Ah, yeah...good idea."

They started to leave and I sighed. "All the elevators in this hotel have security cameras, guys, FYI."

Rob looked up at the black dome and frowned.

"Dammit!!"

Kristen leaned into him and whispered, "The subway is still running."

Rob's eyes lit up and he clapped me on the shoulder.

"I'm going for a ride on a train!" he said with the enthusiasm of a six year old. "How awesome is that?!"

He grabbed Kristen's hand and they quickly exited, mumbling their goodbyes as they went.

_Jesus, is this national 'Fuck Someone in an Elevator' Day? What the hell?_

Once again I punched my floor's button and screamed in frustration when another hand stopped the doors from closing.

"Oh, COME ON!" I yelled as Jasper and Alice stepped into the car. They looked at me in surprise. I started pushing them towards the door. "No, no, no, you two can't fuck in the elevator, it has a security camera for God's sake! The subway is still running though, so go – fulfill your goddamn 'Risky Business' fantasies to your heart's content!!"

They stared at me in bewilderment as I finished shoving them out, and as the doors finally started to close I heard Jasper mutter, "Did you tell your brother about my Rebecca De Mornay fantasy?"

"No, baby," Alice said with exasperation, "He's a man. Apparently you ALL have a Rebecca De Mornay fantasy."

Finally the doors closed and the elevator began to move.

_Oh, thank fuck._

I started pacing and breathing, trying to calm myself down.

_Ok, Asstard. Just take it easy. Whatever's going on with Bella, you'll deal with it in a calm, mature, non-asshole way. Just be patient and understanding. Patient and understanding._

"Come on you piece of shit elevator!! Fucking move faster!!!" I yelled as I kicked the wall.

_Okay. Off to a good start. Well done._

At last the door opened to the eighteenth floor and I strode down the hallway towards the Love Cave, my guts twisting tighter with every step. When I reached the door, I noticed a crumpled mess of ruined plastic on the floor. I reached down and picked it up. It was Bella's phone, and by the look of the large dent in the wall beside the door, she had thrown it into the plaster with a shitload of force.

I grabbed my key-card and quickly opened the door, taking the broken phone with me.

"Bella?!"

I walked into the living room and found her. She was standing at the side-board, pouring scotch into a cut-crystal glass and downing it determinedly.

"Hey," she rasped as she refilled the glass, "How's it going?"

"I could ask you the same thing," I answered, holding up her phone. "What happened to this?"

She looked up at it quickly and shrugged, "I dropped it."

I put the ruined plastic mess on the coffee table and walked over to her. "Uh huh. You dropped it before or after you threw it into the wall?"

She didn't answer me, instead throwing back another mouthful of Glenfiddich and exhaling loudly.

"Bella?" I said softly, really fucking worried because I'd never seen her like this before, "What's going on?"

I suddenly had the impression I was approaching a wary tiger. I stopped beside her, and when she looked up at me, the complexity of what was going on behind her eyes almost knocked me on my ass.

"Nothing's going on, Edward," she said coldly, "I just feel like having a drink. Is that okay with you?"

Fuck. The alcohol on her breath hit me like a battering ram. I clenched my jaw and took a step backwards.

"Of course you can have a drink, baby, but at the moment it looks like you're trying to drink yourself into oblivion and I'd really like to know why."

She laughed and grabbed the bottle, holding it and her glass in her hands as she started pacing up and down.

"I guess I just feel like celebrating the complete and utter hilarity of my life, Edward. You see, every time I think I've climbed out of one black hole of crap and found some form of happiness, something comes along and pushes me straight into another one. It's really very entertaining. Kind of like that arcade game where you take the hammer and try and whack the fuck out of the little gopher whenever he's stupid enough to stick his head out of his safe little cave. You'd think that by now I'd have learned to not stick my head out, wouldn't you? But no. Like a fucking idiot I think, 'Oh, this time will be different. This time I can just be happy without having to look over my shoulder,' and then, just when I've stopped expecting the giant fucking hammer of pain, it smashes into me again and rips my guts out."

She sloshed some more alcohol into the glass and threw it into her mouth violently, shuddering slightly as she swallowed.

"Bella, please," I said, moving towards her slowly, my hands out in front of me, "Stop drinking. You're going to make yourself sick." I must have looked like someone approaching a rabid dog. "Tell me what's going on. Please."

"Maybe I want to get sick, Edward," she said, swaying slightly on her feet, "Maybe I want to drink until I pass out and forget about all the shit running around in my brain for a while. That seems like a fucking awesome option at the moment, let me tell you."

She took one more swig of booze and stumbled into the back of the couch, dropping the glass and swearing loudly as it smashed loudly on the floor.

"MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!"

I quickly walked over and bent down in front of her, picking up the shards of glass before she could hurt herself on them. I dumped the pieces into the trash and grabbed her elbow, guiding her around to the other side of the living room, trying to get her to sit down. She wrenched her arm out of my hand and strode towards the kitchen, presumably to get another glass.

"Bella, stop," I said firmly, following after her. "I'm not going to let you do this."

"Oh, really?" she said sarcastically, "And how are you going to stop me, Edward? Going to throw me into the coffee table and then walk out? Oh, no. That's right. You've already done that!"

I froze. She was trying to piss me off....trying to pick a fight with me....and it was working.

"Do you want me to apologize again for that?" I said loudly, "Because I will. You know I will. What else have you got, Bella?"

She glared at me. "Do you think I'm playing a game here, Edward? You think I'm fucking with you?"

"I KNOW you're fucking with me," I countered, "I just don't know why. Now, something happened tonight that has you acting like this, and I want to know what the fuck it is."

She laughed as she started slamming open cupboard doors, looking for a glass.

"Maybe this is just me," she said bitterly, "Maybe after everything I've been through I'm just THIS fucked up. Did that ever occur to you? Did you maybe think for one second that I'm damaged beyond repair and you shouldn't be with me? Huh?

No one would be surprised if you left me, especially not me! I'm used to people letting me down, so why should you be any different?!"

Her face was a mask of pain, and she raised the bottle to me as she gave up looking for a glass and took a swig straight from it.

Something inside me snapped.

I grabbed her roughly and pulled the bottle out of her hand, striding over to the sink and pouring the contents down the drain. I held her back with one hand as she scratched and clawed at me to get it back, but there was no fucking way I was letting her get her hands on it again.

I threw the empty bottle into the trash-can violently, not caring that it exploded on impact.

"Now you listen to me," I said roughly as I spun her around and pressed her against the large stainless steel fridge, my hands circling her wrists as she continued to struggle against me. "I don't know what the fuck is going on with you tonight, but I do know that you're going to tell me right the fuck now, because you and I have worked too hard and gone through too much together to start keeping bullshit secrets from each other. That's what tore us apart last time, and there is no fucking way I'm going through that again because I wouldn't survive it.

I need you, Bella, and like it or not, you need me, and right now you need to tell me what's going on in that head of yours because you're really starting to freak me the fuck out. I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything. I feel fucking sick I love you so damn much. So talk to me. I'm here. Just fucking talk."

She gritted her teeth and panted, her alcohol-soaked breath fanning across my face while her body writhed against mine, testing every single ounce of control I had.

"I don't want to talk," she said through her teeth. "I just want you fuck me."

She pushed against me and I pushed back, laying my whole body along hers, my cock erupting to life despite my better intentions.

"No, Bella, we're going to talk about this."

She pressed her pelvis forward and ground it against my increasingly insistent erection. I clenched my jaw as I stifled a moan.

"I think your cock votes for fucking, baby, so you're outnumbered."

She wrenched her hands free from mine and grabbed painful handfuls of hair as she dragged my face down to hers. The moment my mouth met hers, a tortured growl ripped out of me as her Glennfiddich-flavored tongue thrust itself into my mouth.

I pulled back, gasping for clean air, trying to clear the lusty haze of what she was doing to me.

"Bella, stop."

She grabbed the neck of my t-shirt and wrenched it violently, ripping the thin fabric right down the middle of my chest.

"No."

Suddenly her mouth was on me – everywhere – my neck, my chest, my nipples, my abs. Her hands clawed at me, pulling off my jacket and ripped t-shirt, scratching up my back and shoulders, grasping at me as I staggered backward into the kitchen island, the sheer fierceness of her desperation catching me off-guard. Every piece of skin she touched erupted with electricity. My heart thudded painfully as it tried to supply every part of my desire-flooded body with blood.

Her smell, her touch, the sounds she was making in the back of her throat as her mouth moved across me was unstitching my control, one lick...one bite...one suck at a time, until I had nothing left. No defense mechanisms. No serenity techniques. I was bursting into flames and being incinerated from the inside, and I was loving it. I needed her skin to soothe me...to ease the burning ache that was blasting through my self-control like a canon through tissue-paper.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath as she unclasped my jeans and tugged them impatiently down my legs.

_I should stop her. I should make her talk to me._

She took me in her mouth, wet and hot and sheer fucking heaven. I buried my hands in her hair and groaned, slumping heavily against the counter behind me as she sucked the last shreds of my resolve from me

"Oh...fuck...Bella..."

I knew what she was doing. She knew was she was doing. She was doing what I had done for so many years. She was trying to lose herself. She wanted the sweet distraction only I could provide her. She was sick of my questions. She was sick of talking.

She just wanted to fuck....to feel my skin under her hands, my cock in her mouth...not the spikes of bitter pain inside her. She wanted me to fuck her hard and fast and take away everything that wasn't me, and God help me, I wanted it too. I want to fuck the hurt and pain and regret out of her. I want to fuck her until the only thing she knew was me and her and bursting shards of goddamn ecstasy.

"Jesus fucking Christ," I moaned as she took me into the back of her throat, her tongue swirling around my entire length, her mouth sucking me roughly, desperately, mind-blowingly. My hands slapped the granite bench-top as my head flew back, my knees buckling as jolts of pressure coiled inside me.

She pulled back and looked up at me, her eyes begging and defiant at the same time. She'd never looked sexier.

"Do you like the way I suck your cock, Edward?"

"Fuck, yes," I rasped, my voice nothing more than a feral growl.

She plunged me back into her mouth and my fingernails scraped across the hard stone as I fought the urge to cum in long, hot spurts down her throat.

I grabbed her arms and pulled her back up to my face, my mouth devouring hers, my hands ripping and tearing at the fabric of her dress. I was fucking out of control, and after so many weeks of watching and monitoring every single base impulse, it felt incredible. I tore open the zipper on her dress and yanked the ruined fabric down her thighs, leaving her naked except for a lacy black thong and thigh-high pantyhose.

My breath stopped as I looked at her.

_Holy mother of fuck._

"Look with you hands, Cullen, not your eyes," she ordered breathlessly, gripping my cock and pumping it tightly in her fist.

_FUCK!_

I needed to stop her from touching me like that or this was going to be over before it even began.

I grabbed her waist and lifted her up, putting her down roughly on the counter as I bent my head to her breasts, sucking on them fiercely as I palmed their fleshy weight, her back arching as she moaned and pushed herself into my hands.

"Oh....God....Edward...."

I reached down and ripped her thong off her, seizing her mouth again as she gasped into mine, a tearing groan echoing around my tongue as I plunged my fingers inside her. She immediately tightened around me as I stroked her g-spot, her head lolling backwards as groans and curses and my name tumbled from her lips.

"Fuck...yes...oh, fuck yes....Edward..."

"I know what you want, Bella," I said roughly, my lips grazing her throat, "And I know I'm the only one who can give it to you, but don't think for one fucking moment that you're fooling me. We WILL have a conversation tonight and you WILL tell me everything, or else my fingers and my mouth and my cock are off-limits...indefinitely. Do you understand me?"

She groaned and spat, "You couldn't keep your cock away from me if you tried, Cullen."

I bit down on her nipple and smiled around it as she gasped in pain. "Try me. Now, do we have an understanding?"

She raised her head and looked at me as I continued to fuck her with my fingers, my thumb sweeping firmly over her clit, making her convulse and cry out as she nodded her head.

"Yes...I - we - have an understanding..." she moaned softly, her hands reaching out and pulling me to her. "Now, shut up and fuck me."

I pulled my fingers out of her and stepped back, leaving her gasping and balancing on the counter as I grabbed my cock and stroked it slowly.

She panted roughly and looked down, watching my hand in rapt fascination.

Goddammit. Having her eyes on my while I stroked myself was ridiculously fucking hot. She licked her lips and I groaned.

"Are you going to use that thing or is it just for decoration?" she said angrily.

"Oh, I'm going to use it," I said darkly. "I'm just waiting to hear you beg for it."

She reached down and started rubbing her clit.

Suddenly all the air rushed out of the room and all I could see was her and her desperate pleasure.

"Fuck me, Edward...now....before I fuck myself and don't need you anymore."

I growled as I grabbed my cock, shoving inside her fully as we both cried out, our strangled moans echoing off the walls.

"You'll always fucking need me, Swan," I grunted as I pulled out and slammed back in, the primitive animal inside me grateful to be able to fuck hard and fast and furiously for once. "I'm the only one who can make you feel like this. The only...fucking...one!"

Bella reached out and gripped my shoulders as I thrust in and out of her, one hand tangling in my hair and wrenching my head back as she attacked my neck. I moaned loudly as she sucked painfully at the base of my throat, my skin bruising beneath her teeth and tongue.

"Fucking hell, Bella, that's going to leave a mark," I growled as I brought a hand between us to rub her clit.

"Good," she said roughly as she lifted her leg and placed it over my shoulder, allowing my cock to go even deeper inside her. "

"Oh JESUS!" I roared as I felt her begin to tighten around me.

Christ, the sensation of me sliding in and out of her as her inner muscles grasped at me was fucking incredible. I felt pressure start to build in my abdomen as she writhed and moaned.

"Are you fucking me yet?" she snarled as her hands roamed over my straining muscles, "Because I can't feel a damn thing."

I grunted as I slammed into her viciously, every muscle tightening and contracting and screaming for release, my voice cracking with the strain as I groaned desperately.

"Oh, fuck, Bella!! God, I love you!"

She gasped as she pushed against me, every thrust accompanied by a moan so plaintive it was almost a sob.

"Say it again," she panted, both of her hands grabbing my face as her eyes locked onto mine.

"I love you, Bella," I grunted, gritting my teeth against the sharp sparks of pleasure that were threatening to spill out of me.

"Again!" she ordered loudly, her muscles tightening impossibly around me as she hurtled towards her orgasm. Her fingernails dug into my shoulders and I'm pretty fucking sure she drew blood.

Her moans became frantic...desperate...frighteningly needy.

"Fuck, Bella, I love you!" I bellowed as everything inside me flew apart.

She threw her head back as I felt her lose control, every part of her gripping every part of me until we were a single grasping, moaning creature, pulsing with pleasure and release and an overwhelming and unquenchable need for each other. An excruciating burst of pleasure rocketed through me as the razor-sharp tension that had been coiling inside me all night suddenly snapped, and every muscle in my body released as Bella clamped down, a tearing scream ripping out of her as the crushing waves of her orgasm blasted through her.

"JESUS...EDWARD...YES!!"

I thrust into her one final time, freezing and squeezing my eyes shut as I felt her begin to spasm.

"OH, GOD....BELLA....FUCK!!"

I shuddered and exhaled, every ounce of tension exploding out of my body with my orgasm.

"Holy...fucking...hell," Bella panted as we collapsed against each other, our ragged, uneven breathing rasping in the heavy air around us, our skin melting into each other as the final tremors of pleasure disappeared.

"Swan," I said, gasping in huge lungfuls of air in an effort to slow my pounding heart. "We seriously have to fight more often....because that....was fucking mind-blowing."

She nodded and licked my neck, causing me to shudder and gasp.

"Cullen, in case you haven't noticed, I'm extremely skilled in the art of pissing you off. Any time you want angry-argument sex, I'm ready and able."

I pulled away from her and smoothed her hair away from her face, kissing her deeply.

"I love you, baby," I said softly, trying to see her eyes. She didn't meet my gaze.

Instead, she wrapped herself around me, burying her head in my neck and squeezing me tightly.

"Don't ever stop loving me, Edward," she whispered, and I tensed when I felt wetness start to soak my skin. "Please....don't ever stop loving me. I couldn't stand it. It would kill me."

"Baby..." I said gently, suddenly lost for words.

I wrapped my arms around her and stroked her back as her body started to shake, small muffled sobs shuddering out of her.

_Fuck_.

In all the time I'd known Bella, I could count the number of times she'd cried on one hand. It killed me to see her cry, because I knew she only did it when she was really fucking hurting. She was so damn strong about so many things, and it crushed my heart when I saw how fragile she really was.

"Bella?"

She shook her head into my shoulder.

"Baby, come on. Talk to me."

Her words were muffled as she stayed buried in my arms.

"Edward, I don't know if I can. I feel like...if I even think about talking about it, I'm going to shatter into a thousand pieces."

I stroked her hair gently.

"Bella, if there's one thing I'm sure of it's that as long as we're together, you and I can handle anything. So please...let me try to help you. Whatever it is, you don't have to go through it alone."

She drew in a hitching breath and sighed heavily, and I felt her tense slightly in my arms.

"The phone call tonight?"

"Yes?"

"It was my mother."

My stomach fell through the floor.

"Oh, Jesus, Bella..."

"She wants to see me."

I sighed and held her against my chest.

"What did you tell her?"

"What do you think I told her? I told her to fuck off. I told her to fuck off and never try to contact me again, but then she called back and she was begging and crying, and how DARE she do that to me when I'm the one who should be making HER feel guilty? How dare she try to make ME feel sorry for HER after everything she did to me! How fucking DARE she, Edward!!"

She started shaking and I pulled her tighter against me.

I had no idea what sort of purgatory Bella was going through, but I could imagine that after so many years of acting like the woman who had ruined her life was dead, the knowledge that she was alive and well and not rotting in one of the lower circles of hell would be pretty fucking devastating. Not to mention the fact that she had the gall to ask to see her. Un-fucking-acceptable.

I clenched my jaw against the rising tide of rage that was boiling in my blood.

"That's why you threw your phone against the wall," I stated, seething quietly to myself.

"I felt like I was losing my mind," she said softly. "She sounded exactly the same, Edward. Exactly the same as the day I left. I don't know why I expected her to sound different...to sound like...a monster...to fit the image of her I've been carrying around in my head all these years...but she didn't. She just sounded like my mother...the mother who loved me before I turned into an animal that repulsed her...and it broke my heart all over again."

Heavy sobs wracked her body and I just held her to me, trying to soothe her with my hands and my voice as she clung to me desperately.

"We'll figure this out," I assured her. "We'll figure out how to handle this."

"I can't see her, Edward," she said firmly, finally removing herself from my neck and looking at me with wet, desperate eyes. "I can't ever see her again. I can't. I'll fucking kill her if I see her again. I know I will. I won't be able to stop myself."

"Shh," I whispered gently as I wiped the hot tears from her cheeks. "You don't have to see her again. Don't worry. I won't ever let that woman hurt you again, baby. I promise you that. She'll have to climb over my cold, dead body to get to you."

She calmed slightly, sniffling as she traced my jaw with her fingers, something she always seemed to do when she got emotional.

"I was so stupid to not tell you right away," she said, swallowing heavily. "I should have known better."

"Yeah, you should have," I teased. "Everything's better with a generous serving of Asstard."

She laughed and kissed my mouth. "You're an idiot."

I kissed her back. "Hmmm...an idiot who's in love with you."

"Oh," she said as her hands started roaming across my body, "Maybe not such an idiot after all."

I bent down and kissed her neck as she wound her fingers in my hair. "I thought you might see it like that."

I kissed her deeply, wrapping my arms around her, feeling how fragile and small she felt against my body. She sighed and I felt her relax into me, the tension of what she'd been struggling with all night suddenly being shared between us.

"I love you so much, Edward," she said before kissing me again.

I hardened as her tongue moved across mine, her small moans vibrating in my mouth.

She pulled back and looked down.

"Well, hello, Godzy," she said affectionately, "How nice to see you again. It's been a good three or four minutes."

I smiled and shook my head. "Hey...don't be dissing the cock-monster. You know how sensitive he can be."

"Oh, yes, I know," she said wickedly, "Especially when he hits the back of my throat."

I groaned at the thought. "Oh, damn, Bella....that's just un-fucking-believable."

She giggled and grazed her fingers over him. "Yeah...it is," she said smugly.

I laughed and kissed her again, pressing myself up against her.

She pulled back and winced slightly.

I frowned at her. "Are you okay, baby?"

She nodded and smiled at me. "Ah...yes...although I think I may have sprained my vagina."

I bit my tongue. "You...ah...did what now?"

I could tell she was trying not to giggle. "I think I sprained my vagina during our angry-fucking session. I mean, that shizz has a difficulty of five point three and I don't think I warmed up properly."

I burst out laughing.

"Fuck I love you, Piss-Girl...sprained vagina and all."

She giggled and wrapped her arms around me.

Suddenly the phone rang.

Bella looked at it with alarm, terrified panic spreading quickly across her face.

"Take it easy," I said, kissing her softly before moving to answer it. "Whatever happens, I'll take care of it."

I picked up the receiver and held it cautiously to my ear.

"Hello? Yes, this is Edward Cullen." Bella looked at me questioningly. I shook my head. It wasn't her mother.

I listened to the voice on the other end of the phone, trepidation quickly being replaced by disbelief and incredulity. "You're kidding me," I said sarcastically, "ALL of them?"

I listened for a few more minutes before saying, "Of course. I'll be right there. Thanks for letting me know."

I hung up the phone and turned back to Bella, stifling a huge smirk.

"Who was it?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"That was the NYPD. It seems Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Rob and his new friend, Kristen, have all been arrested."

Bella's eyes grew wide. "What?!! What for?"

"Fucking on the subway."

Her eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped open. "Oh my God," she sighed. "That is so fucking hot."

***

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**Author Notes**

**Oh, damn. I totally need to re-watch the subway scene in Risky Business again, right the hell now. If you haven't seen it – GO!!! Watch!!**

**Don't forget to check out my other fic, Grasping Darkness if you haven't already. It features a horny, hungry Darkward who I want to lick, and knowing him, he'd probs let me.**

**If you want to have a good time and perv on some hot RobPorn, follow me on Twitter - KiyaRaven – there is cussing, teasers, sexual innuendo and mass gropage. It's awesome.**

**To all those amazing readers who continue to review despite my massive reply fail recently, thank you from the bottom of my heart. As you all know we fanfic authors don't receive any compensation for the MASSIVE amounts of time we spend thinking up this shizz, **_**except**_** for your kind reviews. They really do make it all worthwhile. I treasure each one.**

**Now, hit the button, my sweet pervs, and make my day.**

**I love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	34. Bail Out

**Chapter Notes**

**Happy New Year, sweet readers! I hope you had a fantastic holiday season.**

**To my beta-Goddess, Catty-Wan – THREE WEEKS, BABY!!!! L.A HERE I COME!!**

**Sorry about that. I'm a tad excited.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight characters, SM does. I do own a plane ticket to the States, however, and I seem to be in a permanent state of bouncing. Don't judge.**

**Last chapter, Bella's Mom phoned her, causing her to freak the hell out. Edward managed to calm her down with a generous dose of rough Godzy-lovin', only to find out that Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett, Rose, Rob & a certain Hollywood starlet had been busted for having sex on the subway - 'Risky Business' style.**

**And now...on with 'The Screamers'.**

**Enjoy.**

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**BPOV**

Edward was pissed. Really pissed.

I watched his jaw clench and unclench as the taxi weaved its way through the city. He scowled as he gazed out the window.

Jesus.

Angry Edward was as sexy as all hell and I resisted the urge to lick him all over his hot, tense body and ridiculously handsome frowning face.

He assumed because I had been silent for a few minutes that I had dropped the line of questioning I'd been pursuing since we received the phone call from the police precinct nearly an hour ago. He was wrong. I was merely taking some time to ogle him shamelessly while I strategized my next move. I decided to go back into battle with well-thought-out, intelligent discourse designed to gently sway him to my way of thinking.

Oh, fuck it. Who was I kidding? I was still half-tanked from the Glenfiddich.

I settled for begging and trying not to slur my words.

"Edward, please?"

He sighed heavily.

"Bella, are you still seriously still going on about this?"

"Yes."

"The answer is no."

"I find that difficult to believe."

"Try harder."

"Don't wanna."

"Look, nothing you can say will make me change my mind."

"Pretty please with whipped cream on my boobies?"

"Um...wait, let me think about that. No."

"Oh, come on!"

"No, Bella."

"Just once."

"No."

"It won't take long. Half an hour, tops."

"No."

"Pleeeeeeease."

He spun around to face me, his eye intense and piercing. I may have squelched slightly.

"Jesus fucking Christ, woman! Have you learned nothing from tonight? The answer is no. We are not going to detour from bailing out our friends so I can sex you up on the subway."

"Is this because the others got caught? Because I'm pretty sure you and I have more discreet public-sex-skills than they do."

"I refuse to argue about this anymore. It's not happening, okay?"

He sighed and went back to scowling at the passing cityscape. The passing cityscape ignored him and continued to pass haughtily.

The jaw-clenching continued. He really did have the most spectacular jaw on the planet. I reached over and traced it with my fingers. He tried to ignore me, but I could see his breathing pick up slightly. I brushed my fingertips around his ear and down his neck, noticing how his fingers curled into the vinyl of the taxi seat.

"Bella..." he said in a warning tone, still refusing to look at me.

"Edward..."

"What are you doing?"

My fingers brushed over his bicep and stroked his forearm.

"Nothing."

I ran my hand up his thigh, stroking the firm muscles through the denim. He turned to me, his face still stormy and dark, and said in a low voice, "That is not nothing. That is most definitely something."

My hand kept stroking him, getting closer and closer to the bulge that was quickly growing in his lap.

"Hmmm," I sighed as I watched his pupils dilate with desire. "I'm just trying to convince you to see my side of the argument."

"You're not playing fair."

"Well it's no fun unless I play dirty. Have you changed your mind yet?"

He looked down at my hand, and then back up to my eyes, his anger joined by a look of pure lust that made my thighs light up like a supernova.

"No," he said, his voice practically raping my now-throbbing girl parts.

My fingers kept stroking, back and forth, gradually getting higher. I could feel his thighs tense.

"How about now?" I said in my sexiest voice.

He gritted his teeth.

"No."

I moved in closer, bringing my lips to his neck as my hands kept moving over him.

"Now?" I whispered into his throat.

He swallowed heavily and rasped, "No."

I licked his earlobe and he bit back a low moan.

"Now?"

"Yes."

I pulled back and looked at him.

"Really?"

"No."

"Oh, come on!!!!" I cried, dropping my hands and slumping back into the seat. "Edward, have you even seen 'Risky Business'? Because if you had, you would NOT be arguing with me right now."

He exhaled and ran his hands through his hair.

"Yes, Bella, I've seen it, and the train scene is sexy as all hell, and I'd like nothing better than to have you ride my extremely aroused cock-monster until we both came violently, but I'm not going to risk ending up in a cell with the rest of our motley crew and having another black mark on my arrest record. I'm trying to be a better person for you, remember? Now for fuck's sake, stop driving me insane and drop it. Please. I have enough to worry about tonight without having to endure your sexual torture, you fucking hot she-demon."

He sighed and looked out the window again, and I knew that the discussion was over, at least for the time being. Having to bail out everyone was obviously playing on his mind, and I guess between that and finding out about the waste of human body parts known as my mother, he was feeling stressed out. I could relate to that.

Ever since I'd heard my mother's grossly familiar voice on the phone tonight, I'd felt tense and on edge. I don't mind admitting that hearing her voice after all of these years tore open old wounds I didn't know I had. Suddenly I was thirteen again, aching and angry as hell that the only thing my mother had to do was to walk out the door and leave piece-of-shit-Phil, and all my pain and hardship would be over.

I wouldn't have had to dread the weekend because I knew it would be filled with ice-packs and anti-inflammatories. I cursed her every single day she refused to do it. I'm still cursing her for letting my childhood get eaten away by Phil's alcohol-fueled violence and her limitless selfishness. I mean, Jesus, I was her flesh and blood. I was her child....and yet, she chose to put the welfare of a girl-beating asshole before mine. I'll never understand how she could do that. How she could just stand by and watch it happen week after week, year after year.

I pushed down the rage that was simmering at the thought. I'd had enough emotional turmoil for one night. Right now I need to concentrate on my man, because even though he scowled better than anyone I'd ever met, I'd rather see his beautiful smile.

"Baby," I said softly, reaching over to take his hand in mine, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he said tersely without looking at me.

Okeee.

"Baby?"

"Hmmmm?"

"You know earlier tonight when you asked me if I was fine and I said I was, even though I wasn't, and you knew I wasn't 'cause I was acting all emo and irrational and intent on drinking my own weight in fine malt scotch, and I goaded you and insulted you, but still you refused to take any of my bullshit and then you ripped off all my clothes and fucked me hard and thoroughly until I could barely remember my own name, and that was when I suddenly realized that telling you how I feel always makes me feel better because you're my other half and I love you and need you and want you to be a part of everything I do, and then we got the phone call about everyone being arrested and you got really pissed about it and shoved me up against the stainless steel fridge and fucked me again, this time from behind, and pulled my hair til I screamed as you whispered filthy things in my ear, and then you grunted my name and thrust your rock-hard wonder-cock into my poor sprained vagina until I came like a fucking freight train and screamed your name so loudly that the people in the suite next door called reception in a panic because they thought that I was being murdered? Remember that?"

He looked at me and blinked.

"Uh...yeah, I remember," he said, confusion crossing his face. "What your point?"

"No point," I said, sighing and grazing my fingers across his lips. "I just wanted to remind you how fucking awesome it was."

His face broke into a beautiful smile and he let out a low chuckle.

_That sound could cure cancer. I'm damn sure of it._

"You, Miss Swan," he said as his hands stroked my back, "Are one seriously cool chick. Do you know that?"

"Pffft," I said, humbly, "I merely feign coolness so I won't look completely out of place hanging out with the obscene hotness of Edward Cullen."

"Uh huh, well at the moment Edward Cullen doesn't feel very hot. He feels pissed and embarrassed that all of our friends, including my sister, are incurable pervs and sexual deviants."

I laughed and ran my fingers over his ridiculously handsome and vaguely pissed-off face.

"Baby, after what we did to each other tonight I really don't think you can point the pervy finger at anyone else."

He sighed and rested his head against the back of the seat, the anger slightly easing, but not disappearing completely. "I suppose you're right, but still....those guys are in for a severe ass-kicking. What they did tonight was incredibly fucking stupid, not matter how hot they think it was."

"I bet it was super-hot," I sighed longingly.

He turned to me and shook his head in frustration.

"Woman, I have fucked you within an inch of your life tonight – TWICE - and you're STILL not satisfied? Jesus!"

"I bet train-sex was all kinds of satisfying," I pouted.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," he laughed, grabbing my face with both hands and looking me dead in the eye with his most potent panty-dropping gaze. "I love you, and I will gladly sex you up, hard and repeatedly, pretty much anywhere that won't put me in danger of being slapped with an indecent exposure charge, but we are not having train sex. Ever! Accept it!"

"You're just mean," I said petulantly, cursing the fact I didn't bring spare panties with me, because Edward had pretty much made mine completely wet. You'd think I would have learned by now.

"And you're annoyingly arousing, so please, for the love of God, shut the fuck up before I'm forced to fuck you roughly – AGAIN!!"

My poor sprained Giney squirmed uncomfortably at the thought.

Dammit.

As much as I wanted to continue brow-beating Edward about subway-sex, I knew I couldn't handle another Godzy thrashing tonight. I glared at him, and tried to resist chewing on his eyebrows as he glared back.

"Fine," I said finally, crossing my arms over my chest and settling in for a truly epic sulk, "But when Giney has recovered sufficiently, we WILL be revisiting this conversation, and on that day, you WILL fuck me discreetly on a train and you WILL love it. Do you hear me, Cullen?"

He sighed heavily and subtly adjusted his obvious erection. Even that turned me on.

"I hear you," he mumbled under his breath as he squirmed in his seat, "And every word you utter is pure evil. Fucking hell."

The rest of the cab ride passed in silence, and when we reached the precinct, Edward thrust some money at the driver before grabbing my hand and leading me inside.

The station was remarkably quiet.

Several plain-clothes officers were standing around talking, sipping cups of coffee, and a short, balding officer in uniform was leaning against the front desk reading a book.

Edward walked over to him and cleared his throat. The officer ignored him.

"Excuse me," Edward said politely.

The officer held up one chubby finger to him and continued to keep his eyes glued to the pages of his book, his stubby fat digit hovering in the air like a levitating cocktail weiner.

Edward turned and looked at me questioningly. I shrugged and mouthed, "Why the hell are you looking at me? Talk to him again. I'm sure he can read 'The Secret' later."

Edward glanced at the Danny DeVito look-alike and mouthed something that looked remarkably like, "But pigs are whoring free. Why do Jews reject the poo?."

I looked at him with extreme confusion.

"What?" I hissed quietly.

"I said," he whispered under his breath, "But he's ignoring me. What do you expect me to do?"

Damn. Apparently I really sucked at lip-reading.

"Talk to him again," I ordered quietly, trying to get the unsavoury image of a pig in fish-nets out of my head.

He scowled at me and turned back to the chubby garbage-reader.

"Ah....officer?"

"Son," the portly policemen said, still not looking up from his book, "If you think whatever you're about to say is more important than me affirming my hopes and dreams with the universe, then by all means, keep on talking. However, if whatever you're going to ask me can wait a few minutes until I finish sending my positive energy out into the ether, helping to manifest my most ardent fantasies into an achievable utopian reality, then shut your damn pie-hole and take a seat. I'll be with you shortly."

Edward looked at me. I shrugged and pointed to the row of cheap plastic chairs opposite the reception desk. We both walked over and sat down, sighing as we waited for Grumblestiltskin to finish his affirmations.

I leaned over to Edward and whispered, "I've heard 'The Secret' can change your life. Do you think it would work if I repeated, 'Edward will have subway-sex with me' over and over again?"

He dropped his head into his hands and mumbled, "I will not kill my girlfriend...I will not kill my girlfriend..."

I'm pretty sure he was joking.

A few minutes passed in silence.

Suddenly, Fatty McReadster slammed his book shut. Edward squealed in surprise and then had an impromptu coughing fit to cover up the fact he sounded like a ten year-old girl.

"Alright, son," the officer said as he looked up at us, "What can I do for....oh....wow..." His eyes came to rest on Edward. His mouth dropped open and he picked up the book and gaped at it in wonder. He looked back at Edward and let out a nervous giggle. "I don't believe it," he said softly. "I visualized it, I gave it power, and now it's manifesting as reality. Incredible. You're here. Really here."

Edward stood up and walked over to the reception desk, the expression on his face telling me that he expected the policeman to take a huge swig of 'mindless violence' to wash down the monster dose of crazy pills he'd obviously just taken.

"Um...hi. I'm here to bail out..."

"You're Edward Cullen," the officer said in disbelief, a look of starstruck awe spreading across his pudgy face.

"Uh...yes. Yes I am," Edward responded warily.

"I love you," the officer blurted quickly. "I mean, I seriously love you. I've loved you ever since your first album came out. I mean, when I first heard you growl the opening bars to 'Ripping Ecstasy', I was a goner. I've got all your albums, all your TV appearances, all your magazine articles and photo shoots. Oh, God, I can't believe you're actually here! I love you!!"

"Uh huh," Edward said, motioning me forward with his hand, "Well, that's nice, but despite all the rumors, I'm actually straight."

I obviously wasn't moving fast enough because Edward turned around and grabbed me, pulling me roughly against his side. "In fact, this is my girlfriend, Bella. And when I say girlfriend, I don't mean she's just a girl and who is my friend. I mean, she sees me naked and lets me do rude things to her lady-parts. Soooo....yeah...not gay. Very, very not gay. Sorry."

The tiny man's round face wobbled disturbingly as he threw his head back and laughed, the black fabric of his uniform undulating violently as his belly heaved and quaked with the force of his guffaw. "Son, I'm not gay. I'm just your number one fan. May I get your autograph? "

Edward visibly relaxed and laughed with him.

"Oh, okay...sure, where would you like me to sign?"

Officer Plod suddenly ripped open his shirt, exposing his jelly-like chest and belly.

"Here!" he said rapturously, pressing his man-boobs forward as he passed over a permanent marker. "Right over my heart, please. Oh, and don't be concerned about turning me on. I'm not gay."

Edward flicked a quick glance at me. I may have snort-giggled. He glared at me and took the pen that was now waving back and forth under his nose.

"Uh...look, Officer..."

"DeLuca."

"Look, Officer DeLuca...I don't usually sign...um...body parts."

"Oh, go on," he begged breathily, thrusting his hairy nipple forward even further. "I'll make it worth your while."

Edward sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, God. Kill me now."

"I mean it," Deluca continued. "You're here to bail out your friends, right? The ones who I caught on the subway recreating the scene from 'Risky Business'? Well..." he said conspiratorially, leaning forward and whispering, "I haven't yet filed the paperwork on all of that. It could conveniently..." he looked furtively around the room, "disappear, if you know what I mean."

Edward looked around the room. The detectives in the back were now arguing quite loudly about how NYPD Blue wasn't the same after Rick Schroeder came on-board. They were completely oblivious to everything we were saying.

"Let me get this straight," Edward whispered, leaning forward slightly. "You'll drop the charges against all of my friends if I autograph your...um...chest?"

"Well," the officer said quietly, "Making arrest charges disappear isn't easy you know. I think I may need another little memento from you."

"And what might that be?" Edward asked dubiously. I could practically hear his inner voice screaming that if he was asked for his boxers, our friends were shit outta luck. He'd be out of here like a rat from a sewer.

Deluca reached under the counter and produced a small digital camera dangling from his finger and raising his eyebrows.

"I want a photo with you," he said, his eyes gleaming with excitement.

"Oh. A photo?" Edward said with relief, "Oh, sure. No problem at all,"

"With your shirt off," Deluca amended. Edward let out a small groan. "But nothing kinky or anything. I'm not gay. Just you, shirtless in a photo with me...maybe with my hand on your naked, heaving chest."

"Oh, fuck me," Edward muttered under his breath.

"That won't be necessary," the pudgy policeman panted as he licked his lips, "Unless you absolutely insist..."

Edward sighed and stepped back, rubbing the back of his neck and shaking his head.

"I don't fucking believe this is happening," he said incredulously.

"Oh, believe it," DeLuca said, tapping the book in front of him. "The power of this thing is scary."

"You're telling me," Edward mumbled. "Uh...listen, do you mind if I just have a quick chat with my girlfriend?"

The policeman shrugged and picked up his book again.

"No problem. I'll be right here, turning my dreams into reality."

"You do that," Edward said as he grabbed my arm and pulled me down the hallway.

"Ow! Edward. You're hurting me."

He stopped and rubbed my arm gently.

"Shit. Sorry," he said, glancing back over his shoulder at Deluca who raised an eyebrow at him and waved, twinkling his weiner-esque fingers in the air beside his head.

"Bella, what the fuck is going on here? I feel like I'm in an episode of the Twilight Zone."

I suppressed a giggle. The situation was pretty ridiculous, and yet I really wasn't surprised. Ridiculous seemed to follow Edward and me around like a creepy-stalker fan-girl.

"Sweetie," I said soothingly, taking his hands in mine and stroking them gently, "What's the big deal? Sign the man's boobie, take a half-naked photo with him, and then we can take our friends home without there being a giant scandal about Edward Cullen's entourage being tried on pervy sex charges. It's a blessing really."

"A blessing?" he hissed as he pulled his hands free so he could drag them through his hair. "Bella, the man has clearly fallen out of the crazy tree and hit every fucking branch on the way down. How do we know that we can trust him? Knowing my luck he'll post the damn photos on his Facebook page and before you know it, shirtless photos of me will be showing up in film-clips all over goddamn YouTube to the tune of some Mariah Carey song!"

I looked over at the little fat man who was currently chanting to himself.

"Baby, look at him. Would Buddha lie to us?"

I giggled again and Edward scowled at me.

"Bella, this is not funny."

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry to disagree but this is sooooo funny. But if it makes you feel any better I can pretend to be indignant and outraged, or stroke you cock – whichever proves more effective."

He reached out and grabbed me roughly, pulling me up against his body and wrapping his arms around me possessively.

"Is he watching us?" he whispered.

"Yes."

"Good. Now moan loudly please. I need to reinforce my heterosexuality right the fuck now."

I smiled up at him.

"Aw, baby. Don't you trust yourself with him?"

He looked at me and narrowed his eyes.

"Piss-Girl," he said seriously, "I love you and everything, but did you get a look at his tits? They were spectacular."

I punched him in the arm as he smirked and pulled me into him, kissing me passionately. His tongue pushed into my mouth and I suddenly forgot what the hell we talking about.

_Jesus, Cullen. You make my girl-parts tap dance and sing show tunes. I really don't think your heterosexuality is in any danger._

He pulled away and sighed heavily, quickly smoothing my hair away from my face.

"Alright," he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me back towards the reception desk, "Let's do this thing. You'd better hold me back if I try to grope him though, okay?"

Officer DeLuca looked up as we approached, a look of smug satisfaction spreading across his face.

"Okay," Edward said firmly, "I agree to your terms – an autograph and a shirtless pic - but you have to promise me that what happens here tonight is for your eyes only."

"Do you really think I'd want to share you, hot-stuff? No, this picture is going to be printed and laminated within the next fifteen minutes, and then I'm going to carry it around in my pants forever, in a completely non-gay way, of course. I'm not gay..."

"Yeah, so you keep saying. And in return you'll drop ALL charges against my friends?"

Deluca placed a chubby hand over his heart.

"I promise. They'll be free to go – no charges will be laid – which will be probably the only thing, apart from myself, that hasn't been laid tonight."

"Okay, fine. Let's go."

DeLuca all but bounced out from behind the reception desk and led us down the hallway, pushing open a door to a large interview room.

"In here," he gestured, closing the door behind us, "This will just take a second."

He handed the camera to me and went and stood next to Edward, removing his shirt as he went.

"Oh, God," Edward said in surprise, averting his gaze from the short man's bulbous physique. "When you said shirtless I thought you wanted _me_ shirtless."

"Oh, I do," Deluca said, "I want both of us shirtless. Just two, normal, heterosexual guys taking a half-naked picture together. That's not a problem, is it?"

Edward looked at me and scowled. "Bella, when we finally get our friends out of jail, please remind me to murder them."

I giggled as I watched him sigh and pull his t-shirt over his head. He threw it on the table and turned to his number one fan, his beautiful upper body exposed and glorious. Deluca made a strange strangled sound in his throat and swayed slightly on his feet.

_Oh shit. The sight of my beautiful man's muscles is going to make him pass out. Can't say I blame him. I'm feeling a little light-headed myself._

I came up behind DeLuca and grabbed his shoulders to steady him. "Are you okay?" I asked gently.

He simply stared at Edward and made a collection of random vowel sounds.

"I know," I sighed, looking over at Edward who was shuffling his feet self-consciously. "I can't form a coherent thought around him either."

"Can we just get on with this? Please?" Edward said impatiently.

I pushed Deluca over to stand next to Edward and grabbed the camera.

Deluca put his arms around Edward's waist and crushed his head against his chest, making Edward jump like he'd been zapped with a cattle prod. I shot him a warning look and he forced himself to relax slightly, casually draping his arm over the smaller man's shoulders and looking vaguely constipated.

"Okay, smile you guys," I said lightly.

The policeman's face exploded with the force of his joy, and Edward managed an uncomfortable smile as I snapped a couple of pictures.

When I was finished I handed the camera back to DeLuca who quickly pulled on his shirt and squealed excitedly before saying, "Wait here, I'll be right back. I want to laminate this bad boy so I can get you to sign it."

He bustled through the doorway and closed it behind him, leaving Edward and me alone in the interview room.

Suddenly, every cop-show sex-fantasy I'd ever had flooded my brain, and I wondered how long I'd have before Kathy Bates came back from the laminter.

Edward sighed and reached out to pick up his t-shirt. I slapped his hand away and grabbed it from him, pushing him roughly away from the table.

"You want this, pretty-boy?" I said menacingly, pushing him backwards into a chair, "Then you need to give me something in return."

He sat down heavily, looking up at me with vague annoyance.

"Bella, if you say one more word about subway sex, I won't be held accountable for any further damage Godzy may inflict on your sprained vagina."

"Shut your mouth!" I said loudly, slapping the table with my hand, "I'M the one asking the questions here, dirtbag. If I want your damn opinion I'll give it to you."

A look of realization mixed with lust passed across Edward's face, and he scowled at me dangerously. He leaned back in his chair and put his hands on the table, his long fingers splaying on the cheap laminate.

"I'm not giving you anything, pig. You're not gonna get me to squeal."

I walked behind him and wrapped my fingers in his hair, pulling his head back roughly. He grunted in pain and his fists clenched on the table, making his arm muscles ripple and contract.

_Fuck me._

He gazed up at me with dark eyes and I had to swallow my excess saliva before continuing.

"Oh, I'm gonna make you squeal, punk, it's just a matter of time. Now, we can do things the hard way or the easy way – what's it gonna be?"

He grabbed my other hand and yanked it down, pressing it against the solid bulge in his jeans. His eyes narrowed as my fingers closed around it.

"Well, I think it's pretty fucking obvious I've chosen the hard way, so why don't you just get on with it."

I squeezed him tightly through the fabric, and he moaned and closed his eyes, sucking in a noisy breath.

"You really shouldn't have said that," I rasped into his ear as my tongue found his throat.

"Jesus," he said softly as I licked up to his ear, taking his lobe into my mouth and sucking on it roughly.

"Are you ready to crack yet?" I asked as my hands traveled over the muscles of his chest and shoulders.

_Holy mother of God, his body is glorious._

He looked up at me intensely and everything inside me clenched with the overpowering amount of sexy he was throwing at me. Bastard.

"Not even close," he said, his voice low and strained. "Is that all you got?"

I couldn't take it anymore. I straddled his lap and ground into him, wincing a bit as Giney came in contact with a very hard, very large Godzy, and yet, I couldn't stop myself from pressing against him, feeling him in all his aroused, masculine glory as my mouth came down and attacked his hungrily.

Immediately his hands were on me – everywhere – stroking and squeezing and generally driving me batshit crazy with desire. His tongue was in my mouth, his fingers were in my hair, his scent was in my lungs and every single pleasure receptor in my body ached to have more of him...right the hell now.

"Bella...." he moaned into my throat at his teeth nipped at my jugular, "DeLuca's going to be back any second."

"I know," I panted as I gripped his shoulders and threw my head back. "Damn those new-fangled super-fast laminators."

He stopped attacking my neck and wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my hair and breathing heavily.

"Goddamn modern technology," he mumbled, his lips grazing my skin and doing absolutely nothing to calm my thundering pulse.

I pushed him back so I could look into his impossibly handsome face.

Yep. That's not helping either. Not to mention the fact I was still sitting on his massive erection and touching his gorgeous, half-naked torso.

Damn him and his ridiculously arousing man-parts.

"So you would have totally cracked if this was a real interrogation, right?" I said, panting lightly.

He smirked at me.

"Uh...yeah. I pretty much defy any man to resist your...um...line of questioning, Detective Swan."

I laughed and kissed his lips gently before standing up and handing him back his t-shirt.

"Yeah, well, you just remember that, Cullen. Now get yourself covered up before I decide to interrogate you all over again."

He laughed and put on his shirt, covering up all his pretty muscles. I sighed and pouted slightly.

At that moment the door opened and Officer DeLuca stepped into the room, carrying a huge laminated poster of himself and Edward.

Edward's eyes went wide.

"Dude," he said incredulously, "I thought you wanted a small pic you could carry around with you."

DeLuca smiled at him.

"Oh, I have one of those too, see?" He pulled out a tiny wallet-sized photo and put it on the table. "The big one's for my bedroom," he practically purred, gently running his hands across the image of Edward's happy-trail.

"Oh," Edward said in a small voice, "Excellent."

I could almost see his erection deflate like a punctured balloon.

DeLuca handed Edward a permanent marker, and he quickly signed both pics before saying, "Now, will you please take us to see our friends? I'd really like to start murdering them right about now."

DeLuca let out a high-pitched giggle.

"God, you're gorgeous AND funny," he said coyly. "Is there anything else I should know about you?"

"Well, he has a giant cock," I offered helpfully.

DeLuca gasped loudly.

Edward whipped around and gave me a death glare.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to him as I watched the portly policeman grab the edge of the table for support, his eyes rolling back into his head. "I'm just really proud of your cock. He's awesome."

"Yeah, well he's not too happy with you right now," he seethed as DeLuca's eyes latched onto his crotch like a limpet-mine. "He's withholding all privileges until further notice."

_Damn me and my big mouth. Of course I need a big mouth to accommodate Edward's giant...oh shit. Just fucking stop, Bella._

"Uh, Officer?" Edward said to Deluca's stunned face, "Our friends?"

Deluca shook his head and dragged his eyes away from my boyfriend's spectacular groin.

"Oh, right, yes. Follow me."

He led us down the corridor to the holding cells. When we entered the room everyone looked over and stood up, babbling our names and generally looking like they couldn't wait to get out of the small, cramped cell.

"I believe these belong to you," Deluca said, gesturing to our motley crew as he went to open the cell.

"Hang on a minute," Edward said, "Could you just leave them in there for a while longer? We need to have a little chat."

"What the hell, Twinkie?" Emmett said loudly. "Let us out! We've been in here half the damn night! "

"And you'll be in there _all_ damn night if you don't shut up, Em," he snapped back angrily. "If you think for one second that I'm going to let you guys out of there without giving you a severe ass-kicking for what happened tonight, you're truly fucking deluded."

Emmett closed his mouth and looked down at the floor. In fact, as Edward scanned the embarrassed faces in front of him, they all suddenly found something fascinating to look at anywhere but in his lightly-fuming direction.

Alice was biting the inside of her cheek and fiddling with Jaspers hand, her fingers lightly brushing over his palm. Jasper was looking at his shoes, shuffling his feet softly on the linoleum and sighing intermittently. Rosalie was fixing her make-up, and to be honest, I was kind of pissed that she could still look as good as she did after spending half the night in a city lock-up. Rob was looking out the window, smirking quietly to himself, which made me want to crawl inside his brain and figure out what the hell about this cluster-fuck of a situation was amusing to him.

"Where's Kristen?" Edward asked brusquely.

"Ah, her mother came and got her a while ago," DeLuca said. "She mumbled something about not letting her daughter near that Pattinson boy again. The girl didn't look too pleased about that."

Rob laughed loudly. We all turned to look at him.

"Don't mind me," he said with a wave of his hand before going back to smirking to himself.

Edward let out a frustrated sigh and I could see his jaw clenching and releasing as he began to speak.

"I just...don't even know where to start. The massive stupidity...the...sheer fucking...idiocy! It just seriously boggles my damn brain!"

I put my hand over his and stroked it gently.

"Edward, go easy on them. They've had a rough night."

He glared at me.

"Go easy on them?!" he snapped, "Bella, they were caught screwing on the subway. Now, apart from the fact that the God of sheer dumb luck smiled on them and they won't be facing any charges, they could have caught fuck-knows-what diseases from those cars. Those disgusting vinyl seats could be gestating the goddamn Ebola virus for all they know."

Jasper looked up and quietly said, "Well, to be fair, before we started, Alice did a pretty thorough job on our seat with a packet of anti-bacterial wipes, a small bottle of ammonia and a steel-wire scrubbing brush. Although it did take some of the spontaneity out of the situation as I waited fifteen minutes for her to finish up and dispose of the latex gloves."

Edward's face turned red. "Where the hell did she even get all that stuff from?"

Jasper shrugged. "Dude, have you seen the size of her purse? She could carry an oxy-welding kit in that thing if she needed to, complete with visor and gas bottle. It's insane....and strangely hot."

Edward scowled at him. Jasper went back to studying his shoes.

Alice looked up at her brother, the weirdest expression I'd ever seen flickering on her face. I'm pretty sure it was humility. It was hard to tell. I'd never seen it on her before.

"Edward..." she began nervously.

"I don't want to hear it, Alice," he snapped, glaring at her. "Not one more word, young lady. You're supposed to be the one who fixes fuck-ups, not the one who causes them. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking, obviously," she said sheepishly, "Jasper kept humming 'I Can Feel It Coming in the Air Tonight', and then he looked at me with that Dr. Mc Just-take-you-panties-off-and-come-and-sit-on-my-lap-and-no-one-will-know-I'm-actually-making-your-eyes-roll-back-into-your-head-with-pleasure expression on his stupid, irresistible face, and after that...well....it's a bit of blur because his fingers were touching me and his tongue was in my mouth, and the huge rock-hard bulge in his pants was calling me by name and seriously, that thing has a gravitational pull stronger than a goddamn black-hole, and when he started rubbing it against my ass, I just couldn't resist unbuttoning his jeans and wrapping my hand around... "

"Alice!" Edward said loudly as he exhaled and rubbed his eyes furiously. "That was a rhetorical question. Stop talking about shit that's going to scar me for life. Please."

"Oh. Right. Sorry."

He turned and looked at Jasper who had dropped his head into his hands.

"And you, Jasper. I expected more from you, of all people. You're a doctor for Christ's sake. You should have had more control, or at least been clever enough not to get caught."

"I know," he mumbled quietly as he tugged on his hair. "I hate using the excuse that obscene amounts of physical stimulation coupled with intense fantasy compulsions completely and utterly overrode my sense of propriety and self-preservation, but I'm ashamed to say that's exactly what happened."

Edward rubbed his eyes tiredly. "What the hell, Jas?"

Jasper looked up with pained eyes. "Edward, I'm sorry, but your sister is staggeringly hot, and when I'm around her I seem to be a slave to my hormones."

"Well, Jas," Edward said coldly, glaring at Emmett. "I'd recommend you go and see someone to help you get your urges under control, but the person who I THOUGHT could be relied upon for that kind of help has apparently devolved into a teenage boy who is currently being led around by his dick."

Emmett picked at his fingernails. Edward glared at him and waited for him to speak. Emmett sighed. Edward glared harder.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself, Emmett?" Edward demanded roughly.

Emmett's eyes flicked up before he went back to looking at his hands.

"No," he said petulantly.

Edward's eyes narrowed at him.

"Oh, really? You've been riding my ass for WEEKS about always staying in control of your emotions...of not letting your desires override your logic. You've tortured me every chance you got. You called me girl's names and thoroughly decimated my ego, and now, when the shoe's finally on the other foot, you have nothing to say? That's fucking convenient."

Emmett looked up and glowered at him.

"What the hell do you want me to say, Mary-Kate? That I've completely lost control? That meeting this incredible, sexy, pain-in-the-ass woman has turned my whole damn world upside down and I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore?"

"Hey!" Rosalie protested, "I am not a pain in the ass."

"Yeah, you are, hot-stuff, but you're my pain in the ass. Now, please shut the fuck up and let me finish."

She grabbed his head roughly and turned it toward her.

"You drive me crazy when you tell me what to do. Come here."

Rosalie pulled Emmett's face to hers and proceeded to plunder his mouth savagely and make noises that I'd only heard in porn movies.

Jasper groaned and dropped his head back into his hands. "Ladies and gentlemen...my sister."

Rosalie pulled back and glared at her brother. "Oh, shut the hell up, Jazz-Hands. I had to put up with you and Thumbalina here whispering sweet nothings to each other all night. Don't dish it out if you can't take it."

Alice turned and glared at Rosalie. "Did you just call my man, Jazz-Hands? Oh, girlfriend, you're going down."

"Alright that's enough!!" Edward yelled, and suddenly all eyes were on him. "You guys are supposed to be responsible adults, and at the moment you're all acting like pubescent fucking nymphomaniacs. Get a grip for God's sake, because the fact that I seem to be the most responsible person in this room at the moment is freaking me the fuck out.

I'm supposed to be the one who does crazy shit and gets arrested, not you guys! Alice, you should be bailing _me_ out. Jasper, you should be listening to _my_ lame-ass, cock-driven excuses. Emmett, you should be kicking _my_ ass right about now about my lack of control. This is all so fucking wrong that I don't know which way is up anymore."

Rob chuckled quietly to himself and Edward's head immediately snapped to him.

"And you, Pattinson – as if you don't have enough privacy issues, you now have to deal with every tabloid in the country crowing about how you've been caught boning one of Hollywood's up and coming starlets? What the fuck do you have to say about that?"

Rob tried to suppress a grin of epic proportions and mumbled, "I think it's bloody brilliant."

"What did you just say?" Edward said with an incredulous expression.

"Nothing," Rob said quickly, wiping his face of all expression. "You're right, Edward. We all suck." He chuckled softly. "Um...I mean we're all very bad people. Please forgive us."

Edward glared at him for a minute before looking around at the other contrite faces. They all looked genuinely regretful. Edward's shoulders slumped and he said, tiredly, "Alright, Officer, let them out of there."

DeLuca stepped forward and unlocked the cell. "Whatever you say, handsome."

Everyone filed out and we followed DeLuca to the front desk where he returned their personal effects. I punched some numbers on my cell-phone and called our car service, organizing a limo to come pick us up and take us back to the hotel.

I held Edward's hand as we waited, rubbing my thumb across it gently. He turned to me and smiled, but he looked worn out. I pulled him into my arms and squeezed tightly, shivering when he put his head in my neck and inhaled.

"God, you smell good, Piss-Girl," he sighed. "I just want to crawl into bed with you and fall asleep smelling you."

I stroked his hair and smiled.

"Well, we'll be home soon, and then you can sniff me all you like."

I heard Alice swear softly under her breath before saying, "Uh...yeah...I wouldn't be so sure about that. Look."

She pointed to the front door of the precinct. There were dark shadows passing in front of the smoked glass, moving restlessly back and forth. Suddenly I heard it – frantic mumbling and excited laughter, and I knew what horror lay beyond the doors.

"Paparazzi," I said softly.

"Yep," Alice confirmed, "And by the look of it, there's a shitload of them out there. I'd estimate ten to fifteen.

"Dammit!" Edward exclaimed loudly. "How the hell did they know we were here?"

"Oops," a voice behind us murmured.

We turned around to see Officer DeLuca, his eyes wide and his hand covering his mouth in embarrassment.

"What did you do?" Edward asked, his voice low and strained with tension.

The short man looked at him nervously.

"Well, when I came out to laminate your photo, I may have called my friend, Bunny, just to gloat about the fact that I had just snuggled with a half-naked Edward Cullen and had the pictures to prove it..."

"Jesus, Priscilla," Emmett said, "What the hell have YOU been up to tonight?"

Edward glared at him. "I've been negotiating with Officer DeLuca here to get all charges against you guys dropped, Emmett. Do you have a problem with that?"

Emmett looked down and shook his head. "No, Edward. Thank you for getting half-naked for us."

Edward turned back to the policeman. "So you called your friend...and?"

DeLuca cringed. "And...I should have known that little bitch wouldn't keep his big mouth shut about something like this. I'm so sorry. He must have called his friends at TMZ. He's such an attention-seeking biznitch."

Edward looked at the front door again. "Is there another exit to this building?"

"Yes," said DeLuca sadly, "But at this time of night it's locked and alarmed, and it won't be opened until the security guard comes on duty at six a.m."

The noise from the front of the precinct got louder.

"Their numbers are growing," Alice said, "Those parasites can smell a scandal like a zombie smells brains." She turned to the policeman. "How much did you tell your friend about what happened tonight?"

"Uh....not much. He knew Edward was here at the precinct but I didn't tell him why."

"Well, we may still have a chance," she said, tapping her chin in thought. "There's no reason all of us need to take the fall for this. Those jackals out there have no idea what to expect. We could feed them any line of bullshit we want to and they'd believe it. Any ideas?"

Edward sighed. "Well, they know I'm here, so I guess it will have to be something involving me." He rubbed his eyes. "Shit. I really thought I was done with this whole 'bad-boy' image crap. Surely people are tired about hearing about my arrest record."

"Oh, sweetie," Alice said, taking his hands in hers, "People never get tired of seeing celebrities fall off their pedestals and crack their heads open. They're fucking insatiable. Having said that, surely we don't need to say you're in trouble with the law. Can't we just say you were here visiting your biggest fan?"

Edward raised his eyebrows. "At two o'clock in the morning? I don't think so."

"It could have been a booty call," DeLuca said hopefully.

Edward pulled me into his side. "No. It really couldn't."

"Well, crap," Alice said with frustration, "There has to be one good reason why a famous rock star would be in a New York police precinct at two o'clock in the morning."

Rob stepped forward tentatively. "Uh...he was bailing me out?"

Suddenly seven heads turned to look at Rob, who shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled his feet nervously.

"What the hell are you talking about, Pattinson?" Alice said, "Why would you do something like that?"

"Well, you need a story. We could tell them that I was arrested for having subway sex with an unnamed Hollywood starlet. I mean, I couldn't say anything about Kristen because I'm pretty sure she would thoroughly kick my ass, but still, the story is good. Problem solved, right?"

"Not for you," Alice sputtered. "That would bring down a papp feeding frenzy on your skinny British ass so brutal you'd be a bare fucking skeleton by the time they got through with you. Mind you, even on a bare skull your jaw would still be goddamn spectacular, but still....not good. Not to mention the fact that your agent would hunt me down and murder me if I let you go public with something like that."

"No, she'd be fine," Rob protested. "Really. It's fine. I want to do this for you guys. I can go out with Edward and distract the piranhas, take the heat...you guys can slip past and make it to the limo. I'll be okay. I promise."

Alice narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously.

"Pattinson, what the hell is going on with you? Why are you so eager to throw yourself to the wolves?"

Rob sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Shorty, do you have any idea how many stories have come out about me screwing my way through young Hollywood since I hit the big-time? None. Zero. Zilch. I'm a twenty-three year old man for fuck's sake. It's an embarrassment that I haven't been featured in one single sex-scandal so far. Well, here it is. I'm popping my scandal cherry, and I couldn't be bloody happier about it. Bring on the tabloids."

Edward gasped. "Baby, how can you say you haven't had a sex-scandal? Have you forgotten all about our night of passion behind the dumpster?" A fake sob creeped into his voice. "Well, I guess it's official. That night meant more to me than it did to you. Insensitive bastard."

DeLuca made a strange gurgling sound and looked between Rob and Edward. "You two? Together? Oh, holy crap."

Rob chuckled. "Edward, you KNOW I'll always treasure our time together, but I'd really like to have a sex-scandal with a woman now. I think I'm ready."

Edward nodded solemnly. "I understand. There's only so much cock a man can stand."

"Speak for yourself," DeLuca muttered under his breath.

"Look, Rob," Alice said, "You don't have to do this. We'll figure something else out. We'll come up with a different story."

"Don't bother, Shorty," he said softly, "My mind is made up. Now, let Edward and me get out the doors and lead them away, then you guys can get to the limo. We'll jump in a cab and meet you back at the hotel. Okay?"

Alice looked at me and I shrugged.

"The boy wants a scandal, hon. Who are we to deny him?"

Alice nodded and turned back to Rob. "Okay. Thanks, Pattsy. This means a lot...to all of us."

Everyone stepped forward and took turns hugging Rob or shaking his hand. I hugged him and whispered, "You're still high on getting laid, aren't you, sweetie?"

He smiled so hard his eyes completely disappeared. "Oh, Swan. Subway sex is so good, I can't even tell you."

"Shit. I knew it!" I cried.

I stepped back and turned to Edward who was looking at me with tired eyes. He looked wiped.

"I'm going to miss you," I said, wrapping my arms around his waist and hugging him fiercely.

"I won't be long," he promised, hugging me back, "And then I'm going to take you back to our Magical Love Cave and pass out on top of you. There may be snoring and drool."

I sighed and looked up into his face. "I've never found you more attractive."

He nodded in understanding. "Yep, I'm hot. It's a curse."

He smirked and leaned down to kiss me before striding towards the door with Rob. I almost imagined them walking in slow motion while an Aerosmith song played in the background. They both looked back at us briefly before pushing the doors open to an explosion of flashbulbs and yelled questions. For a brief, blinding moment they were silhouetted against the harsh, white light, and then, they were gone.

The rest of us watched as the doors swung shut and the shadows and noise moved away.

"Goodbye, sweet Edward," DeLuca sighed softly. "I will never forget you, or your rockin' bod."

We all waited a few more minutes before heading out. Alice went first, pushing the doors open a crack and checking the street before motioning us forward.

"Alright, people, head out. Keep your eyes down and your feet moving. Go, go, go!!!"

We all raced to the limo and climbed in. I stole a quick glance up the street to see Rob and Edward one block up, hailing a cab. I breathed a sigh of relief. I couldn't wait to crawl into bed with my man tonight and put this whole day behind me.

It had literally been the longest day of my life. First of all, Edward and I had reunited in our Magical Love Cave. Then we had found out about Bree and her uber-fuckery, before bitch-slapping the hell out of her and going on to the album launch. Then my bitch-mother called, causing me to have a nervous breakdown, and Edward was forced to fuck me back to my senses. Then, to top it all off, our friends were arrested for their extreme pervosity and we had to execute a cunning plan in order to avoid being tomorrow's gossip fodder.

Yep. Long day.

I looked around at the other faces near me. Alice was lying on the seat with her head in Jasper's lap. He was stroking her hair and I knew from experience that if he didn't stop, she'd be asleep within minutes. Rose was slumped against Emmett's shoulder and he was playing with her fingers. They all looked tired but content.

I couldn't help but smile for them.

I yawned as the limo pulled up in front of the hotel, pleasantly surprised to find Edward waiting for me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me towards the elevators, both of us mumbling our goodbyes as we left.

As the elevator doors closed he kissed me, his lips soft and warm and unhurried, his tongue gentle and undemanding. I sighed and laced my fingers through his as the doors opened and we headed to our suite. We didn't speak as we unlocked the door and went to our bedroom, silently removing each other's clothes with soft touches and weary fingers.

Finally we fell into bed together, wrapped around each other as we kissed softly for a few minutes, our hands stroking one another, soothing the stresses of the day.

I sighed as Edward pulled me into his chest, and I fell asleep listening to the strong thudding of his heart under my head.

***

The next morning I woke to find Edward was up before me. Well, actually, he was still asleep, but that didn't stop Godzy from rising early and wanting to start the day with a bang. My mouth drooled as I gazed at him. After all, who was I to refuse such a charismatic wondercock?

I bent over Godzy, looking up at the perfection of Edward's sleeping face as I flicked my tongue over his impressive morning wood. He flinched slightly. I smiled to myself.

_Oh, Asstard. You are going to wake up to the best damn morning glory you've ever had._

I licked his hard length, gripping him in my hand as his head started rolling around on the pillow, low moaning noises oozing out of him as I continued to lick him gently. My tongue circled his tip and I noticed his hands grip the sheets beside him. He started mumbling in his sleep. I smiled as I opened my mouth and lowered it around him.

"Oh...m'god..." he muttered as my lips closed around him. "Thassamazing...oh....J'sus...yesss..."

That's right, Cullen, I can blow your mind like no-one else, even when you're unconscious. Now wake the fuck up so you can witness my mad skills.

He inhaled deeply, his legs tensing as I continued to lick and suck.

"Oh...fuck...that's so good," he muttered, slightly more coherently. "Oh....Jesus....Officer DeLuca...fuck yes....suck that cock..."

I burst out laughing and dropped his dick like a hot potato.

"You're an asshole," I laughed, sitting up while he guffawed like an idiot, his stupid gorgeous abs mesmerizing me as he giggle/snorted and rolled around. He grabbed me and pulled me on top of him, laughing as he tickled me and struggled with my flailing limbs.

"You're not going to go back to sucking my cock now, are you?" he asked, trying to calm himself down.

"Not a chance," I said smiling, grabbing his wrists and pinning them to the bed on either side of his face. "You just missed out on the best blow job of your life, mister. Remember that next time to want to be a smart-ass while my mouth is around your dick."

He pushed his pelvis into mine, knowing exactly what having Godzy pressed up against Giney would do to me, and said in his lethally sexy voice, "Could I convince you to put something else around it instead?"

Damn evil, sexy, hotter-than-hell Asstard. I will not bow to your dark powers.

"Nope. No time for Hide-The-Godzy today," I said as I crawled off of him and stood next to the bed. "We need to get up and get ready."

"But I'm already up and ready," he growled.

Jesus.

"We need to get out of bed and pack," I clarified. "The car will be here in an hour, and if you don't feed me before I have to go and help Alice with the last-minute publicity wrap-up, I will transform into a ball of hungry rage that will shock and terrify you.

He wrapped his hand around his magnificent erection and started stroking.

"Damn. What a pity."

_Oh dear, sweet ever-loving Jesus._

_Look away, Bella. Avert your damn gaze before you're drawn into him like the Millennium Falcon to the Death Star._

I clapped my hand over my eyes before the tractor-beam of his glorious cock could hypnotize me further.

"Alright, Cullen, just stop right there. Drop your cock and put your hot-assed hands where I can see them."

I heard him chuckle.

"I mean it," I said loudly, keeping my hand over my eyes. "I have a shit-load of work to do this morning before our flight, and if you love me you'll let me get it done without tempting me with your irresistible hand-fucking mojo."

"IF I loved you?" he asked with a smile in his voice.

I opened one eye cautiously. He was sitting up, looking at me expectantly. Godzy was hands-free. Thank God. I uncovered my eyes.

He stood up and looked down at me.

"Haven't I told you lately that I love you?" he said, pulling me into his arms.

"Well, yes," I said, tracing the light smattering of hair on his chest, "But I never get tired of hearing it."

"Ah, I see. Well in that case....I love you, Bella Swan," he said, kissing me softly. "I love you, I love you, I love you." He pressed his lips to mine, his tongue gently pushing into my mouth and making me wrap myself around him. He moaned softly before pulling back and looking down on me. "And I promise that as soon as we get back to L.A., I'm going to show you just how much I love you. Several times. Ice-cream may be involved."

I laughed and kissed him again.

"And that is why I love you. You understand that the key to keeping me happy is a delicate combination of sex, complex emotions, and frozen dairy treats. You're the perfect man."

He smiled and kissed me again before stepping back and grabbing our robes, helping me into mine before putting on his own.

"Uh...before we leave," he said carefully, "Maybe we should discuss what you would like to do with... this."

He grabbed the plain A4 envelope off the side-table and held it up to me.

I winced involuntarily.

It contained the contact details for my mother.

My stomach lurched at the very thought of opening it.

"Bella?" he said gently as he watched the disgust spread across my face. "You don't have to make a decision now, but I just thought..."

"Burn it," I said coldly.

Edward looked down. "Bella, have you really thought about this? I mean, one day you may want to..."

"No, Edward," I said firmly, "I really won't. Believe me."

He nodded his head solemnly. "Okay." He looked around and found his jeans, patting the pockets until he found his Zippo lighter.

"Honey, why do you still carry a lighter around with you even though you don't smoke anymore?" I asked.

He grabbed the stainless steel trash can from under the desk and emptied it before answering, "Well, firstly, this lighter used to belong to Keith Richards, so it's a collector's item, and secondly, I like to carry it with me just in case I have to burn the contact details of my girlfriend's estranged bitch-mother-from-hell," he said casually. "Plus I like the way it bounces against my nads when I walk."

I laughed and he placed the trash can in front of me, handing me his precious lighter and looking at me expectantly. "You should do it," he said softly.

I grabbed the envelope and the lighter, quickly flicking the flint and watching as the small, perfect flame ribboned out of the silver case. I watched it for a few seconds, mesmerized as the colors coalesced and merged, staring as they danced through each other.

I brought the envelope down, lowering the corner of it into the orange-blue fire. It caught immediately, the paper blazing with hot-yellow as the rest of the envelope followed suit, a thin line of bright orange advancing across the paper, leaving curling ash in its wake.

Within a few seconds the entire envelope had ignited and I dropped it into the trash can, the air around us thick with the smell of burning paper. I felt an unexpected knot of emotion tighten inside me, and I exhaled raggedly as I felt Edward's fingers lace into mine.

Why the fuck did I feel sad? Why did I suddenly feel like stamping out those flames and pulling out whatever information about my mother I could salvage? Why the hell did I still care?

I clenched my jaw against the flood of emotions that boiled inside me. There was no fucking way I was going to cry. Not over her. Not anymore.

Edward's hand tightened around mine.

"Bella..."

"I'm fine," I said softly, swiping away a single tear. "This is good. I'm done with her. Well, realistically I've been done with her since she kicked me out, but this time...it's my decision. Not hers."

I swallowed hard as an image of my mother's face floated into my mind. Her eyes were sad, as they were so often when she came to clean me up after Phil had finished beating on me. So sad. So selfish.

The last of the flames died down until all that remained was wispy grey ash, smoking slightly as the last of the embers faded.

It was done.

She was out of my life forever.

I should have felt relieved.

I didn't.

Edward pulled me into him, and I hugged him tightly, pushing down the irrational anger that burst through me.

Why couldn't I just forget about her? Put her out of my mind and heart and life? This was fucking ridiculous. She was the reason I lived like an animal for three years. She was the reason I didn't think I was worthy of anything better. She was the reason for all of the shit I had endured in my shiteous life, and yet burning that envelope - the one link I had to her - gave me no satisfaction at all.

Fuck.

"Let's go home," I said, my voice sounding far more in-control than I felt.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked gently, lifting my chin up so he could look into my eyes.

"I'll be okay when we get home," I offered, knowing I wasn't fooling him for a minute.

He nodded in understanding, and I knew that he was letting me have my space...for now. I knew that we would be talking about this again when we got home, and I really didn't know how I felt about that.

We packed in silence, and after Alice and I finished finalizing last minute details with the record company regarding album distribution, we met Jasper, Rose and Emmett at the front of the hotel where our limo was waiting. Apparently Rose had decided she would come and spend some quality time visiting her brother in L.A. Jasper hardly seemed thrilled at the idea. Emmett, on the other hand, was grinning like a lunatic.

I briefly called Rob to see how he was holding up. He was busy dodging the papps. Apparently they now considered him to have a giant, cartoon target on his chest due to last night's shenanigans, and the story of his daring sexual exploits was raging through Hollywood like wildfire. He was officially a stud, and had immediately jumped to the top of every 'top sexiest men' list throughout the country. I'm pretty sure he was loving it.

I hung up and slumped back into the limo's leather seats. The others chatted quietly on the way to the airport, but I simply leaned into Edward, letting his smell and touch distract me from the shit-storm of emotions rumbling through my body.

The flight was long, and I was grateful that Edward and I managed to sleep for a few hours, but unfortunately, landing at LAX didn't give me the sense of relief I was hoping for.

I tried to throw off the bad mood by joking around with Edward as we headed towards our apartment, but I knew he could see right through me. The crease in his forehead told me he was starting to get worried.

"Bella," he whispered as the others in the limo talked amongst themselves. "I'm sure I could call Mr Jenks and get the information again, if that's what you want."

"It isn't," I said automatically, but as soon as the words left my mouth I doubted their truth. I sighed in frustration. "Can we talk about this later?"

I could feel myself starting to lose control, and I really didn't want to do that in front of everyone. Edward and I could deal with my ridiculous issues later when we were in the privacy of our bedroom. I just needed to hold it together until then.

"Of course," Edward said, and I burrowed into his chest.

As we pulled up at our apartment block I heard Alice swear loudly.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!!"

I looked out the window. There was a small throng of Screamers waiting outside our building, autograph books and cameras at the ready.

"How the hell did they find out about this place?" she fumed, shaking her head. She looked at Edward and raised an eyebrow. "What do you think? Are you up to signing for a few minutes?"

He looked at me, asking if I would be okay.

"I'm fine, Cullen. Go. Dazzle your fans."

He pulled me in for a quick kiss. "You're coming with me though...right?" he asked, desperately trying to disguise the slight panic in his voice.

I laughed. "Yes, big man, I will come protect you from the tiny girls."

"Hey," he said defensively, "Don't diss the phobia or I'll tell everyone about your pathological fear of clowns."

Everyone moaned.

"Uh, Edward?" Jasper said with a smirk on his face, "Everyone's afraid of clowns. It's quite normal. The fact that you're not afraid of them is kinda weird."

Emmett and Rose chuckled in agreement.

Edward flipped them the bird before grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the door. "Come on, Piss-Girl," he said, "Let's get out of here before these comedians kill me with their side-splitting wit."

The screaming started as soon as we opened the door. Edward's hand immediately tightened around mine and I winced in pain.

"Loosen up a bit there, Clark," I said softly, "You wouldn't want to damage my Godzy Grabber, would you?"

He gave me a sheepish smile before stepping forward and greeting his fans. The girls babbled and squealed around him, but he kept his cool – making small talk, taking photos, and generally being their wet-dream come true. I stood behind him and smiled, my hand rubbing the small of his back, still amazed that the magnificent man in front of me was mine, and I was his.

I zoned out slightly as he continued to sign the girls' memorabilia, letting my eyes be drawn to the pictures and posters that were thrust in front of him, fascinated by the many faces of Edward Cullen.

It wasn't until a completely different book was placed in front of him that I came back to reality. It was a plain white notebook, and on it was written two simple words – 'I'm sorry.' Edward looked up in confusion at the woman holding the book.

"Ah...I don't get it," he said lightly. "What are you sorry for?"

She looked me in the eye and every part of me screamed as a hurricane of anger blasted through me.

"It's not for you," she said quietly. "It's for her."

My skin crawled. My muscles tensed. My blood boiled in my veins.

Through all of this I managed to find the strength to speak, but my voice was hard and sharp as polished steel, each word dripping with the liquid murder that was currently pounding through my body.

"Hello, Mommy dearest," I seethed dangerously, and then, before Edward could register the violence in my eyes....I lunged.

***

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**As an ode to my homegirl, AngryBadgerGirl – DUN DUN DUUUUN!!!**

**Oh, Renee, you poor misguided cow – what did you THINK was going to happen when you confronted your daughter? Fool.**

**Well, the shit has certainly hit the fan now. Will Edward stop Bella's violent rampage, or join in? We will see...**

**For those who are interested, The Screamers has been nominated for The Other Side of Twilight Awards in the following catagories – Best Lemon, Best Fight Scene, Best Bella & Edward Story, Best All Human, Most Original Story Concept, Best Fanfic in Progress, Best Comedy, and Best Comical Moment. I'm thrilled to be nominated (bewb gropes to whoever did it), and if you heart this story, (and would like to see my head explode with glee) then I'd be honored to receive you votes. **

**http://forum(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/forum/CuriosityKilled_The_Cat/69076/**** - just replace the (dot) with an actual dot. (Read the HOW TO VOTE section first, peeps, and thanks for taking the time.)**

**See you all soon. Please leave me a review. Reviews are even sexier than RobPorn, and you KNOW how much that snaps my cracker....**

**Love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	35. Confrontation

**Chapter Notes**

**Well, this update has been a long time coming, in a lot of ways, so needless to say it's been a tough one to write. I hope it's not too tough to read. Not a lot of funny in this one folks...**

**ENORMOUS love, affection and dry-humps go out to my Beta-Goddess and friend, Catty-Wan. I love you, baby. Thank you for you undying love and support.**

**Huge gropes to mah Goonie-Girls, Miztrezboo and Iamaliveandfree for pre-reading this beast for me. I love youse soooo maaaarch. Bitch fuckers.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight characters. I do own a six-pack of alcohol-laced cupcakes and I'mma be chowing down on them while I wait for the reaction to this chapter to blow over.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 35 - Confrontation**

**BPOV**

The whole world seemed to go into silent slow motion as I lunged towards the woman who had destroyed my self-esteem, let my childhood get beaten out of me one black-eye at a time, and waited three fucking years before trying to track me down and apologize for the world of torment and humiliation she had driven me to.

Time stretched and pulled around me, the dull roar of the street sounds fading into nothing as pure fury pulsed through my veins.

My fist clenched and pushed slowly through the air, arcing up and back before plunging forward toward her traitorous, pathetic face. The skin on my knuckles tingled furiously as I imagined the sweet satisfaction of my fist connecting with the edge of her jaw, offering me some small amount of payback for the countless swollen jaws I had endured on her miserable, ungrateful behalf.

Her eyes widened as she saw me coming toward her, a brief flash of fear flickering in her eyes before the dull sheen of acceptance washed over her. She closed her eyes and jutted her chin out, seemingly welcoming my violent retribution.

She wanted me to hit her.

That fact alone nearly made me stop in my tracks, but the desire to deny her anything she wanted was momentarily outweighed by my desire to cause her physical harm, and a vicious smile spread across my face as my fist closed in on her ridiculous, resigned features.

"Bella, no!"

Suddenly strong arms were wrapped around me and a cry of frustration ripped out of my chest as my fist was pinned to my side and I was pulled away.

I saw Renee's eyes open as she watched Edward drag me backwards and I could swear I saw disappointment in their brimming depths.

"Get her upstairs," I heard Alice say softly as I continued to struggle against Edward's vice-like grip.

He lifted me off the ground and carried me through the doors of the lobby, only putting me down when he got to the elevators, keeping one arm around me as he reached out and pushed the call-button.

I shoved him away and tried to make my way back outside, but he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into the elevator, pressing me against the wall with the weight of his body as the door closed.

I squirmed and grunted.

"Bella, stop!"

"Get off me!" I cried as I struggled against him. "My darling mother wants to apologize to me! The least I can do is listen while she groans in pain!"

"Bella...you know that's not going to solve anything. Have you learned nothing from me and my talent for mindless violence?"

"This isn't mindless violence, Edward!" I yelled desperately, "This is mindFUL violence. I'm mindful of the fact that I'm going to feel a whole lot better once I've smacked that heinous bitch in the head a few times."

"You won't," he insisted, grabbing my wrists as I pushed at his aggravatingly immovable chest.

"Yes, I will," I grunted, grinding my teeth with the effort of trying to push him away from me.

He lifted his weight off me and cursed under his breath, his eyes blazing and angry.

"Well, if that's what you really think, Swan, then go ahead. Don't let me stop you. Go and pour all your hurt and frustration and pain into beating your own mother. I won't stop you."

He opened the doors to the elevator and pulled me roughly back out into the lobby.

"There you go," he spat, pushing me forward. "Walk over and punch the hell out of her, if that's what you really want."

"Edward..."

"No, go on! Lower yourself to her level, Bella. Hurt her like she hurt you. That's what you want, isn't it? That's going to heal your wounds, right?"

I shuffled shamefully from foot to foot as I looked out the glass doors.

Renee was talking with Emmett and Jasper as Alice tried to disperse the remaining Screamers. It looked like Renee was crying. Emmett put a meaty hand on her shoulder and leaned in, obviously trying to console her.

A sharp pang of emotion jolted through me, making my throat close up as I fought a sudden need to go and comfort her.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I wanted to vomit.

"Get in the goddamn elevator, Cullen," I muttered as I retreated back into the car, fighting my rising bile.

I slumped against the wall and crossed my arms over my chest as Edward pressed the button for our floor.

Suddenly, I heard running, and a hand shot through the doors, forcing them to bounce open noisily.

"Bella, wait!"

Emmett stepped over the threshold, looking at me warily.

Fuck.

I knew what was coming.

"No, Emmett," I said before he had a chance to speak.

"Bella, look I know that your Mom showing up here is...unexpected...but...maybe you should take the time to sit down with her...listen to what she has to say."

"I'm not interested in what she has to say," I spat, "No doubt she'll spout some bullshit excuse for her behavior, but I'm beyond fucking caring about the reasons why she did what she did."

"No you're not," he said gently, "That's your problem."

"Jesus, Emmett, do NOT fucking psycho-analyze me right now!! I'm REALLY not in the goddamn mood!"

Edward tensed beside me. He knew I was close to losing it.

"Emmett," he warned, "let it go, man."

Emmett ignored him.

"Bella, I know how you must be feeling, but..."

"Do you, Emmett?!" I yelled as sharp stabs of painful memories lanced into me. "Please, tell me your tale of woe then! Tell me how YOUR mother let you get the crap beaten out of you for YEARS while she cried in the corner like a useless piece of shit!"

"Bella, can't you see that you need to tell her this stuff? That you need to get it out of your system? Sweet girl, that shit is poisoning you from the inside. It's stopping you from ever truly healing and getting closure on your past. Your pain."

"Emmett, stop," Edward said firmly, "She's not ready."

"Well, when will she be ready, Edward? Huh? Tomorrow? Next week? In five years' time when she doesn't understand why she still has flashes of irrational anger over the smallest things? Is that what you want your future to be?"

"I can't face her," I said, pushing down the panic that was rising in me. "I just can't, Emmett. Please...don't make me."

Emmett walked over and took my hands, his huge palms enveloping mine completely.

"Look, Bells, I'm not trying to bust your chops here, I'm really not, but all that pain and regret and resentment that you're carrying around for that woman out there? That's not going to go away by itself. Ever. Also, I can pretty much guarantee that as much as you hate your mother for what she's done to you, she hates herself more, and she desperately wants to apologize for it. She's been looking for you for three years, Bells. She thought you were dead."

My breath caught in my lungs. "Bullshit."

He shrugged and shook his head. "That's what she said," he stated simply. "Now you tell me – is your mother a liar?"

I pulled my hands out of his and ran them through my hair, frustration and confusion rolling through me in alternating waves.

Renee was weak and selfish – that was certain – but she wasn't a liar. Is that why it had taken her so long to find me? Because she'd given up on me?

"Why the hell was she looking for me anyway?" I said acidly, "She was the one who kicked me out, remember?"

"She did that in the heat of the moment," Emmett said gently, "She started looking for you as soon as Phil was out of her life, Bella. She's been looking for you ever since."

I swallowed the massive lump that was forming in my throat.

No fucking way. I was NOT going to feel sorry for her.

"I don't care," I said bitterly, lying easily. "I don't give a shit about her Hallmark story. You obviously find her fascinating, Emmett. Why don't you sit down and talk to her? I can't stand to even look at her."

"Bella..."

"She said no, Emmett," Edward said firmly, coming over and putting his arm around my shoulder protectively.

I'm sure he could feel the uncontrollable trembling that was shivering though me.

Emmett sighed and stepped out of the elevator.

"Alright. I think you're making a mistake, but hey...it's not enough for me to think it's a good idea. You need to WANT this to happen. I'm going to get your mother's contact details. Let me know if you change your mind."

I nodded and punched the elevator button, unable to meet Emmett's gaze as the doors closed.

As soon as the car started moving, I stepped away from Edward. He sighed but didn't comment. We rode up to our floor in silence, but I could feel him looking at me, willing me to meet his gaze.

I couldn't. I couldn't stand for him to see how ashamed I was. How thoroughly disgusted I was at myself for feeling sorry for the woman who had practically ruined my life.

I despised my sympathy. It made me feel weak and powerless and pathetic.

It made me want to crawl under a rock and never have to show my face again. It also made me absolutely furious that she could affect me this way. I wanted to scream and rant and break things, but instead I stood there and trembled with the effort of not losing my shit.

I could feel the tension coming off Edward as well, and that made me even fucking angrier. He didn't deserve to be pulled into the toxic vortex of fuckery that was my mother. How dare she show up here and involve him in this crap?

The elevator doors opened and I strode down the hallway to our apartment, thrusting my key in the lock angrily before stalking into my bedroom and attempting to slam the door.

Of course, Edward was right behind me and his hand hit the door loudly as he forced it back open.

"Bella, talk to me," he said firmly as he stood in the doorway, "Tell me what you're feeling."

I turned away from him, desperately trying to find the words. I sifted through my emotions, trying to single out the one shard of pain that had started the domino effect of fury rattling through me.

I scrubbed my hands over my face in frustration.

It was too hard.

I wasn't strong enough to admit it, even though it had been percolating in my brain ever since I had burned that envelope in New York.

I had replayed hundreds of scenarios of my reunion with my mother in my head over the years, and none of them...not fucking ONE had me feeling like I was right now.

It was preposterous that I could feel one ounce of empathy towards that woman. It made every muscle in my body tense with rebellion, every synapse scream in defiance.

I shuddered, struggling to stop myself from shrieking my denial like a crazy person.

"Bella...?"

I stood next to my bed, looking at the floor and just tried to breathe.

"Bella, look at me...please."

I couldn't. I could barely remain standing, let alone show him how pathetically needy I was.

I swallowed hard. That was all I could manage.

"Bella..." he came up behind me and I cringed because I knew he was going to touch me and I was going to shatter into a million pieces.

His hands rested on my shoulders, lightly....lovingly...and I clenched my jaw against the emotional onslaught it induced.

"Edward," I whispered desperately, "please don't."

His hands traveled down my shoulder blades, snaking gently around my waist as he pulled my back to his chest; the soothing warmth of him ripping my control from me in hitching, gasping pieces.

"I have to," he said, bringing his head into my neck and pressing his lips gently against my raging pulse. "You need me. Just allow yourself to need me, Bella. Please. I'm here..."

I turned around slowly, my breathing harsh and ragged in the expectant silence of the room. I looked up into his eyes.

He knew.

He knew I was tortured by my sympathy towards her and he loved me anyway.

The love in his eyes helped me find the words.

"Why can't I just hate her?" I whispered as my face crumpled.

"Because you're amazing," he said, gently wiping away my tears with his thumbs, sweeping the shameful drops across my cheeks like they were precious instead of pathetic. "Because, even after everything you've been through, you still have more room in your heart for love than hate. Because, deep down, you know how hard it must have been for her to come here and face you after all this time. Because...like it or not...she's your mother, and you need to know why she did what she did. You need to hear her say it. You need to tell her how it made you feel."

I buried my face in his chest, breathing him in; letting his smell, his hands, his lips stitch up the invisible wounds that were aching and pounding inside me, reminding me that unless I dealt with her and told her how her selfishness had eviscerated me for so long, my memories of her would continue to rip me open with resentment and regret.

I pulled back and wiped my face with my hands as Edward gently pushed my hair back from my face.

"Do you want me to call Emmett?" he asked gently.

I took a deep breath and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep myself together. I nodded and sat down on the bed as Edward kissed me softly and pulled out his cell-phone, quickly dialing Emmett's number.

"Hey, it's me...is Bella's Mom still there?....Yeah...she's changed her mind...she wants to see her."

***

Five minutes later I had purged my stomach of all of its contents and was sitting on the couch, waiting for my mother to walk back into my life. Edward paced nervously in front of the door, chewing his nails and glancing at me every few seconds with concern on his face.

When Emmett's signature knock rocked the door, Edward opened it quickly before striding back into the room and sitting next to me on the couch. He grabbed my hand and laced his fingers between mine, and I could practically feel him willing me to hold it together.

Emmett gestured for Renee to take the armchair opposite the couch, while he took the one next to me.

I studied my mother as she sat down.

She looked like crap.

It made me smile.

One thing my mother had always prided herself on was her appearance. Even when Phil was beating her she was always meticulous with her hair and make-up. She even had special concealers to cover up the bruises.

Now, she wasn't wearing make-up at all. Her skin looked pallid and blotchy, her watery eyes peering out from droopy lids. Her hair was unkempt and streaked with grey, completely devoid of the dark brown luster I remembered so clearly.

I drew in a hitching breath as I looked at her. She barely looked like the woman I remembered at all. She looked...old...and tired. Haunted.

She looked up at me and bit her bottom lip. I remember that she always did that whenever she got emotional.

"Bella," she said, her breathing ragged, "God, sweetheart...you look beautiful. You always were so beautiful..."

I opened my mouth to tell her to shut the hell up, to tell her that she didn't have the right to call me 'sweetheart' or 'beautiful' anymore, but Emmett beat me to it.

"Okay, Renee...obviously this process is going to be difficult for Bella, so you have to understand that addressing her intimately may not be the best idea."

Renee dropped her eyes to the floor.

"Of course. I'm sorry."

Edward leaned into me and whispered, "Are you all right?"

I squeezed his hand and nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

"So, Bella," Emmett said, looking at me expectantly, "We're here today to air some issues between yourself and Renee, and I know that it's going to be very difficult for both of you, but I want you to try to let us know how you're feeling as accurately and calmly as possible. If it gets to be too much, let me know and we'll stop, okay?" I nodded slightly. "Great. Now, what do you want to say to your mother."

I closed my eyes as a barrage of questions and acidic vitriol coursed through me, making me want to spew violent tirades at this woman, but I pushed it down, trying to keep the lid on my bubbling resentment.

"I just have one question," I seethed darkly, "One word only. Why?"

Renee looked up at me and I knew she understood exactly what I was asking. However, that didn't stop me from elaborating.

"Why did you marry him?" I challenged, my stomach turning as I remembered the human stain that was Phil. "Why did you STAY with him, even after he started to beat you? Why did you let him beat me? Why didn't you leave him, even though I asked you - no....I BEGGED you to EVERY...SINGLE...DAY?? Why did you stand by and let him do those things to me?? Why did you throw ME out when HE was the asshole who destroyed our lives?"

My voice got louder and more shrill with each question, but I couldn't help it. I needed to know. Ever since I had been thrown out of my own house, these questions had been churning inside my brain, searching for justification, for some grain of logic that would strip my incredulity from me, and soothe the huge gaping wound that was left by my mother's betrayal.

"Why did you love him more than you loved me?!" I yelled, trying to replace my pain with anger, desperate not to cry in front of her. "Answer me that, Mother! Why did you choose that piece of shit over your own daughter?!"

Renee dropped her face in her hands and she took some deep breaths, her body hunched and tense and trembling slightly.

She looked up me and I was staggered by the sheer volume of pain I saw in her eyes.

"I never loved him more than I loved you," she said in a tremulous voice, "but I know it must have seemed like that from your point of view. As for your other questions, I've been asking myself the very same ones for years, Bella, and I always come back to the same answer – I was weak.

"I was too weak to be alone when your father died, so I married Phil. I was too weak to leave him, even when I realized what a monster he was because I was afraid of him. When he started beating me...I...I think I had so little self-esteem left that I truly believed I deserved it. I honestly thought it was my fault for provoking him. If only I was a better wife, or a better lover, or better looking, or more confident, he wouldn't get so upset with me. And I knew that you could hear it when he went off. I could hear you crying in your bedroom even when Phil was yelling and hitting me, and I just thanked God that he was hitting me and not you.

"But then...as the years went by, I couldn't take it anymore. Every Friday night I would be paralyzed with fear, knowing what was coming and feeling powerless to stop it.

"Then...that first night...when you...you took it...instead of....oh, God, Bella, I knew I should have thrown myself in front of you. I knew I should have never let him hit you like that...but I was so...relieved...so hideously and powerfully relieved that he wasn't hitting me for once...I couldn't move. I froze, terrified that if I made a sound he'd go after me again...and so I sat there...and watched as my daughter took the beating meant for me.

"It made me sick to my stomach. I sickened myself with my inability to act...to protect you...to have the guts to behave like a mother should behave when their child was being hurt. And to make matters worse, you...my God, Bella, you were so strong. You took his beatings more bravely than I ever did. At thirteen you had more strength in you than I would ever have."

I thought back to thirteen-year-old Bella, cowering on the floor as Phil punched, kicked, and flogged me with his belt. It hurt, but I remember being grateful that I was saving my mother the pain.

Was that strength? Or was it just love?

I loved her too much to let her go through that. Obviously she didn't have that problem.

"Why didn't you ever stop him?" I asked bitterly. "I took the beatings because I loved you, but you're saying you didn't love me enough to do the same?"

She looked away from me, glancing down at her hands that were interlaced and clenching rhythmically. I watched as she swallowed several times, trying to calm herself before she spoke again.

"I can understand that you would feel like that," she said in a shaky voice, "but I did love you, Bella. I loved you more than anything. I still do. Because you're the one good thing I've done in my miserable life. You were strong and beautiful and perfect...and I let him damage you. I didn't even have the courage or strength to defend the one person who had always been there for me, even when my hideous decisions made her life a living hell."

"This is such bullshit," I muttered as her words plunged into me. Hearing her say she loved me after what she did was the ultimate blasphemy. "You would have never let him keep hitting me if you loved me. You said it. You let him do it to save yourself. You don't know what love is."

She looked up at me and her brimming-eyes made the muscles in my chest constrict uncomfortably.

"Oh, Bella, I know you don't believe me....and I don't blame you for doubting my love. I deserve your doubt. I deserve your doubt and your hatred and every negative emotion you've ever felt because...I failed you. I failed you in the most disgusting way any parent can fail a child. I let my own fears and insecurities prevent me from saving you."

She clenched her jaw, punctuating her words with winces and tightened fists.

"Every Friday night," she said with raw honesty, her voice cracking with emotion, "Every...damn...Friday night I vowed to myself that I wouldn't let it happen again...that I would stop it...that I would protect you...and every week the fear would paralyze me and I would cower in the corner like a piece of garbage, only able to move when Phil had passed out and my beautiful, brave daughter was lying sobbing on the floor."

A bitter smile crossed her face.

"God, I loathed myself for letting it happen time and again, but the more powerless I allowed myself to become, the harder it was to believe I could actually stop it...that I could make any kind of positive change in my life...or yours. I knew I should have protected you, but I was too weak."

I scoffed under my breath and Edward squeezed my hand, his other hand reaching over, as his fingertips brushed lightly across my skin. I sighed heavily as Renee looked at me, deep burning shame blazing behind her eyes.

"I know that every word I say probably sounds like an enormous cop-out to you, Bella. It probably is. I don't want you to think I'm trying to offer excuses. I have no excuses...only regrets. I regret so much about how I treated you....about how I allowed you to be treated. Letting that piece of shit lay his hands on you was no better than if I had beaten you myself. I was a pathetic, spineless animal, and you deserved so much more. You deserved....everything....and I gave you nothing. Less than nothing. I let your childhood be stolen from you. I stood by and watched it happen...and I didn't have the guts to do a damn thing about it."

Her voice was low and strained. Her watery eyes bore into me and I had to look away. Her regret was too much. Her pain was too real. I didn't want to see it. I couldn't bear to feel it.

"If I could turn back the clock and do it all over again," she said with painful intensity, "it would all be different. I wouldn't make the same stupid, selfish mistakes. I'd be there for you, Bella...always and forever. I'd find the strength to stop it...to walk away...to start a new life for you without fear and pain."

She dropped her face into her hands, and I could hear quiet sobs leaking from between her fingers. "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so...so....sorry. I know it's not enough after all you've been through, but it's all I have to give."

An enormous knot of emotion tightened in my throat, threatening to strangle me if I didn't keep it under control. Her apology was sincere, but it wasn't enough. Nothing she could say could ever be enough.

Part of me wondered why I was even bothering listening to her if that was the case. Why subject myself to this if I didn't think it would help me in some small way?

The knot tightened further.

The truth was that I still needed answers. I knew they wouldn't satisfy me, but I needed them just the same.

"Why didn't you leave him?" I rasped, pushing down the tears, "We could have packed up our stuff and left, just the two of us...left him behind and never looked back."

"I couldn't leave him," she said, her voice barely above a whisper, "He told me every day that if I left him...he would kill you...he said he'd make me watch while he killed you, and then he would kill me." She looked at me and I could see the abject terror in her eyes. "I believed him, Bella. I was too scared to call his bluff."

She took in a shuddering breath and gripped the armrests of her chair.

"The night you...beat him...was the night I truly saw how much damage I had caused you by being a spectator to your abuse. When I walked in and saw your eyes...I knew you'd snapped. I knew that the burden you had been carrying for me had finally pushed you over the edge. You were going to kill him, and it was my fault.

"I screamed at you to stop, but it was like you weren't there anymore. You were gone, and there was just this raging ball of violence and resentment in your place. I thought I'd lost you forever."

I thought back to that night. I remembered Phil punching me in the face after I told him he was a lying sack of shit, and then...I remembered finding the bloody baseball bat in my hands and Renee screaming at me.

"And do you want to know the worst thing?" she said, a look of shameful admission creeping onto her face, "Part of me wanted you to kill him. Part of me thought if you killed him, we would finally be free. How disgusting is that? There was a part of me that would allow my daughter to become a murderer so I wouldn't have to take responsibility for my abusive husband? Jesus.

"That was the moment I realized I couldn't let you be punished for my weakness any more. I had to take a stand. I had to get you away from him, and me, and everything that was holding you back from being healthy and happy and whole.

"I yelled at you, trying to get you to stop hitting him, but you were crazed. I could hear bones breaking as the bat kept falling, but no matter how loudly I yelled, you kept going.

"Finally I resorted to slapping you to make you stop. You looked dazed, like you didn't even know where you were. When you saw what you had done to Phil, you started screaming. Oh, god...that sound. That sound shattered me, because I knew then in order to save you, I had to push you away."

She took in a huge, ragged breath, exhaling slowly as she continued, "I screamed at you to leave. I threatened that if you ever came back I would call the police. I wanted you to get as far away from Phil as you possibly could. I needed to make sure that he would never touch you again, and that was the only way I could think of."

My breath stopped in my lungs.

She threw me out...to protect me? Is this a fucking joke?

"So, your idea of protecting me was throwing me out while I was physically and emotionally traumatized?" I said, acidly. "I had no money...nowhere to go. In what deluded fucking universe did you think that would turn out well?"

"Bella, I wasn't exactly thinking straight. My daughter had almost murdered my husband, and I was pretty sure that when he recovered sufficiently he would try to return the favor. I just wanted you out of that house...away from him. Obviously I didn't think it through."

My whole body tensed as I prepared to demolish her and her ridiculous claim.

"You threw me out to help me?" I spat as the memories of the innumerable humiliations and perversions I had endured during my life on the streets pummelled my brain, "Do you have any fucking clue what I went through after you threw me out? What I had to do to survive? "

Renee's eyes flickered to Emmett before she looked down at her hands and started wringing them compulsively.

"I don't know all the details," she said softly, "But Emmett gave me the general idea."

"I ate garbage," I seethed, the memory of it dredging up huge amounts of murky shame. "I pawed through trash cans like a stray dog, mother, searching for scraps of food that weren't rotten or filled with maggots, and then I'd devour them, not caring that people were watching me and looking at me with a mixture of pity and disgust because my stomach was aching because I hadn't eaten in three days.

"I urinated in alleys. I begged for money. I stole. I..." I pushed down the memories of my time with James before the harsh-edged memories completely decimated my control, "I did things...things that I can never take back. Things that make my fucking stomach turn. I let myself be used and humiliated in ways you can't even imagine," I spat harshly as Edward stroked my hand beside me, "and I did it because my mother threw me out of my own house in attempt to help me? Good job, mother. That obviously worked out well, didn't it?"

She looked up at me, the pain pouring out of her.

"Bella, If I'd known, I would never have sent you away. I would have run after you that night and found a way to keep you safe from Phil without losing you. Without letting you lose yourself. There are so many things I would have done differently. So many mistakes I so desperately want to take back."

I sucked in a lungful of air and exhaled slowly, trying to push down my anger. Edward's fingers moved across my skin, soothing and calming me, bringing me out of the past and back to the present. Bringing me back to him.

I thought about everything that had occurred during my life – all the pain and hardship I had endured because of my mother – and one persistent needling thought kept weaving through my brain.

If she hadn't thrown me out, I would never have met Edward.

That was a truth I couldn't deny.

If time travel was possible and she could go back and change all her shit-inducing decisions, but the consequence was that I wouldn't have Edward in my life, I know without a doubt that I wouldn't want her to change a thing.

He was everything to me, and in some sick way, I owed part of that to her.

I looked over at him.

He gazed back, his eyes sympathetic and full of love. Eyes that I wanted to see every day for the rest of my life. Eyes that could sparkle with love and laughter and mischief, or darken with knee-buckling desire.

The eyes of the man I loved.

He was the one good thing my mother's pathetic weakness had ever given me.

He brought my fingers up to his mouth and gently brushed his lips over the back of my hand. I melted.

Was the reason I found it so difficult to hate her because, deep down, I knew without her, I would never have found him?

"What happened to Phil after I...left?" I said, barely keeping the emotion out of my voice.

She wiped her hands over her face and sighed.

"I called the ambulance...and the police. When they arrived I told them about the abuse...about the drinking...I told them he had abused you and you'd run away. I told them I had snapped and beaten him. They arrested me. I didn't care. At least you were safe."

She was arrested? Interesting...

"They investigated my claims against Phil. Doctors testified about the evidence of blunt-force trauma to my body and face, and the neighbors testified about Phil's regular rages. Eventually Phil was charged with assault and battery and my alleged attack on him was deemed self-defense. While he was still in the hospital they slapped him with a restraining order preventing him from coming within two hundred yards of me.

He was found guilty of assault a few weeks later, and even though he was sentenced to two years in prison, he was out in twelve months due to good behavior. I was livid."

Jesus, Phil went to prison? How did I not know this?

Oh, dear God, please let him have been ass-raped every single day he was in there - roughly and without lube by a giant inmate who had a monster-cock pierced with barbed wire.

"When he was released, he came over one night, drunk and raging and yelling at me to give him his stuff. For some reason, I wasn't scared of him anymore. Seeing him sniveling like a coward as my beautiful teenage daughter beat the hell out of him somehow negated any intimidation he held for me. I told him to leave while he still could. When he refused, I held a knife to his throat and told him to get the hell out and never come back or I'd kill him. I meant it.

I guess he believed me because I never saw him again."

Oh, you finally grew a backbone? What do you want – a fucking medal?

"The next day I burned all his belongings in the backyard.

As I stood there and watched everything he owned go up in smoke, I felt...free...finally...for the first time since your father died. I still hated myself for the years of torture you endured on my behalf, but I promised myself that I would make it up to you. I just had to find you first."

I'd been looking for you ever since he was arrested...as soon as I knew he was out of our lives and wouldn't be able to hurt you anymore. I started calling all of your classmates. I knew you didn't really have any close friends, but I thought someone must have seen you. They hadn't."

Of course they hadn't. Those assholes saw me walk in with obvious signs of abuse every damn week, and not one of them ever even asked about it. Why the fuck would I go to any of them?

"I moved on to canvassing the neighborhood, knocking on doors and putting up 'missing' posters on telephone poles, but you'd just disappeared."

She leaned back in her chair, her head tilting up slightly as she continued.

"I became the crazy 'missing child' lady. Every day I would visit adjacent neighborhoods, going from house to house, stopping people in the street. I reported you missing to the police, but they didn't seem interested. They kept saying you probably needed some time and that you'd come home on your own. Of course, you never did.

When the little bit of money I had ran out, I had to get a job, and when that barely covered the bills, I got another job, and that meant that I was limited to the weekends to look for you."

I swallowed the saliva that was coating my tongue.

She had been looking for me? Working two jobs at the same time? That didn't gel with my mental image of monster-Renee burning my pictures and doing a happy dance every day that I wasn't complicating her simple life. That image of her was easier to process. It didn't make me doubt the years I spent cursing her name. It didn't make me see things I didn't want to see, and feel things I didn't want to feel. Things that hurt the deepest layers of my heart.

Emmett said to stop if this became too much.

Unless my heart stopped aching like I was having a fucking heart attack, I may need to take him up on that offer.

Renee brought her left hand up and rubbed her eyes, and for the first time, I realized she was wearing her old wedding ring. The one my father had given her.

My chest tightened even further.

"Every week I'd call the police and see if they'd heard anything, but of course they hadn't. They weren't even looking. When you'd been missing for a year they tactlessly told me that I should consider the fact that you may be dead. Then they offered me free counseling. Assholes."

She wiped at her eyes quickly, trying to swipe away the tell-tale moisture, but when she looked at me I could almost count the layers of grief on her face.

Is that what happened to her? Were the frown lines and worry creases that cut across her face caused by her concern for me?

It was almost incomprehensible, and yet, the small kernel of sympathy I had for her continued to swell, knowing that what she was saying was true.

"Every day I prayed you would call me, just to let me know your were alright," she said softly, "and every day I realized that you never would, even if you were still alive, because I had failed you as a mother, and I didn't have any right to expect anything from you. I came to accept the fact that even if you were alive and well, I was probably dead to you, and I deserved to be, and that absolutely killed me.

"Still, I kept looking. I refused to believe that you were dead. I couldn't believe it. I put email alerts out and put your photo on websites all over the country. I had no idea if you had left L.A. or if you were still in the city somewhere. I considered that you had ended up on the streets, but the few street people I asked wouldn't tell me anything.

"Yeah, they wouldn't," I offered sarcastically, "Most street people have pasts they're running from. They know what it's like to not want to be found."

If I'd known Renee was looking for me, would I have wanted her to find me?

The question rumbled around in my brain and made my head ache.

"Finally," Renee said with a sigh, "I resorted to hiring a private detective. I started working a night shift cleaning offices to pay his fees, and after a few months he got a lead on someone fitting your description living on the streets in the downtown area.

He started asking around, trying to track you down, and then one day he called to say he thought he'd found you."

She took in a hitching breath and her eyes filled again.

"He told me that a girl fitting your description had been found in a dumpster...murdered."

Oh...Jesus. Crazy Jess Stanley. Murdered by psycho-pimp James. We were about the same age, height, weight. We even looked alike. She thought Jess was me? Dead and alone and surrounded by garbage?

She dropped her head into her hands.

"The moment he said it...I fell apart. I didn't think it was possible to be in so much pain and still be alive. I didn't want to believe him, but...it had been three years. Three years of guilt and shame and regret and pure self-loathing, and part of me thought that your death would be the ultimate punishment for everything I had done. You were dead...and it was my fault."

She trembled and Emmett quickly went to the kitchen to grab her some water. She accepted the glass gratefully and took a small sip before continuing.

"After he told me I kind of...lost it. I slumped to the floor in my kitchen and didn't move for about eighteen hours. I couldn't move. You were dead and there was no way for me to ever apologize to you...or help you....or tell you I loved you. Everything I had left to live for had instantly vanished in that moment. When I thought I'd lost you...I lost everything.

A few days later he called back, yelling at me to turn on the television.

When I did I saw picture of you....and him."

She gestured to Edward.

"There were pictures of you both coming out of some cocktail party. You were wearing a purple dress. The story went on to say that you'd been hurt during a home invasion but you were in the hospital and your condition was stable. They said your rock-star boyfriend saved your life."

I glanced quickly at Edward and he dropped his head in shame.

I guess the whole James/coffee table thing was still a sore point for him.

Renee took a deep breath and steadied herself.

"The day I saw you on the TV was the happiest day of my life, Bella. I cried for hours, knowing that you were alive. God, you looked so beautiful in those pictures. So happy and radiant. So different from the girl who had run out of my house three years previous. I thanked the Lord for answering my prayers. I thanked Him for taking care of you when I couldn't, for providing for you when I was unable to, for granting you some sort of happiness when all I ever gave you was pain and betrayal."

"I don't know if God had anything to do with it," I said quietly, unable to look at the magnificent man beside me or else I'd start blubbering like a baby, "It was Edward who made me radiant, or happy, or whatever. He's the one who saved me. Any change that you saw in me was because of him. He gave me a reason to believe I deserved more that what I had."

He squeezed my hand and I looked up when I heard soft sniffling sounds beside me.

Emmett was hurriedly wiping giant rolling tears from his cheeks, his face a contradiction of happiness and solemnity.

"Alright, don't you dare start talking about the perfect love you and Dolores share or I'm going to have to call room service and order a truckload of fucking chocolate. It's bad enough that you and your mother have suffered so much, together and apart. You two break my goddamn heart, you really do. On top of that, if you start going on about lover-boy over there and how he completes you and made you whole and all that achingly romantic shit, I'm going to need an epi-pen because quite honestly, I'll be fucking dead."

He dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his eyes as he drew in a rough breath.

"Fucking hell..."

My mother looked at me warily then back at the sniffling man-mountain. She tentatively reached out a hand and patted him gently on the knee. He grabbed it desperately and held it up to his forehead, as if he was saying a silent prayer for her.

"Renee," he sighed, letting go of her hand and fixing her with his moist gaze, "I'm so glad you finally got to tell Bella your story, but how did you end up here? What cosmic forces led you to today's heartbreaking shame-purge?"

"Well," she said as she looked at my hand intertwined with Edward's, "at first I doubted it was the right thing to do - to burst back into Bella's life when she obviously had started afresh, putting me and the pain of her past behind her." She looked at me and a slight smile curled the corner of her mouth. "You'd obviously found someone very special to you. I could tell that even from the photos, and somehow it didn't seem fair to open up your old wounds just so I could try and earn your forgiveness. That would have just added another layer to my selfishness.

I had all but decided to let you go live your life, maybe with the exception of writing you a letter telling you how sorry I was for everything, but then, last week, Edward's assistant called me and said you were desperate to see me – that you wanted to re-connect - and it gave me hope that we might actually be able to sit down together long enough for me to tell you my side of the story."

I felt Edward tense beside me.

"Can I assume the name of the girl you spoke to was Bree?" he asked with icy coolness.

"Yes," Renee replied, "She seemed to be very...intent on reuniting Bella and me. She was very enthusiastic. She said Bella was too nervous to call herself and wanted to find a time to meet. I was gullible to believe her so easily, wasn't I?"

"Bree was a double-crossing shrew who no longer works for me," Edward said angrily. "The only reason she was intent on getting you in the same room as Bella is because she knew it would devastate her, and for some reason that brought her pleasure. She had an unhealthy obsession with me and a vendetta against Bella. Everything she told you was bullshit, obviously."

Renee laughed bitterly.

"Well, that makes sense. I had hoped that what she was saying was true, but when I called Bella last night and was told several times to go fornicate with myself, I realized I had been played."

Edward chuckled softly and squeezed my hand. I resisted the urge to slap him.

Don't laugh at her! She's the enemy, remember? You should hate her for what she did to me, even if I can't!!

Renee sighed and said, "Still, as soon as I heard her voice, I knew I had to find a way to get her to listen to me."

She turned to me and fixed me with gaze of fierce determination. I don't think I'd seen that look on my mother's face since my father died.

"Bella," she said firmly, "I need you to know that I take full responsibility for everything that happened to you. Everything. Every bad memory, every bruise on your skin, every negative thought in your head – I own them all. I bought them with years of selfishness and disgusting inaction. I know that if I had been less...pathetic...your life would have been very different, and I can't tell you enough how thoroughly and desperately sorry I am for that. Now, I don't expect you to forgive me. If I were you I certainly wouldn't, but at least I've said what I came here to say, and hopefully, you understand more about me...and us...and everything we've been through."

Emmett leaned forward and touched my mother gently on the shoulder, commending her on her effort. The gesture made me vaguely annoyed at him.

He turned to me and said, "Bella? Do you have anything to say to you mother? Would you like to respond to what's she's just said?"

Jesus, Emmett. Would I like to respond to her? Yes. Was I capable of responding to her? Absolutely fucking not.

I had so many conflicting thoughts blasting through me that I didn't know what the hell I was thinking.

Part of me still wanted to hit her – to feel the sharp sting of satisfaction as my skin snapped against hers, but another part...Jesus....another part wanted to curl up in a ball and put my head in her lap and let her stroke my hair like she used to before our lives went up in a flaming ball of crap. That part of me...the small, scared, lonely part, wanted nothing more to feel my mother's arms around me, to cry out all the years of pain I'd endured, purging it from me in huge gasping sobs while she patted my back and whispered that it would be okay.

I had dreamed about that happening so many times when I was on the streets. As I was falling asleep I would feel my mother's phantom hands protecting and comforting me....and now when it was within my reach, the fantasy was suddenly absolutely terrifying.

It terrified me because it would mean admitting to myself that I...missed her. That I needed her. That, God forbid, after everything I had been through...that I still loved her, and there was no fucking way on God's green and lovely earth I was ready for ANY of that.

So how could I respond to Emmett in a way that didn't make me sound like I was teetering on the edge of completely losing my shit?

"Bella?" Edward said softly, "Did you have anything you wanted to say?"

I looked at him tiredly.

"Not really."

Emmett glanced quickly at my mother. I knew that wasn't the answer he wanted to hear, but frankly, I didn't care. The stress of the last few days was weighing down on me like a lead blanket and I'd had just about as much emotional turmoil and brutal self-evaluation as I could cope with for one day.

"Okay," Emmett said quickly, "I understand that there has been a lot to digest here today, but I think some really positive steps have been made, and Renee, I'd like to commend you on your honesty and sincerity. You showed a lot of courage and integrity coming here, and I hope that talking to Bella in this way gives you some sense of relief."

Renee looked at me and nodded, a faint look of hope crossing her face.

I wanted to tell her not to get her hopes up. Sure, what she'd said today had changed some perceptions I had of her, but I still couldn't let go of the deep-seated resentment I had for her. I don't know if I could ever let it go enough to forgive her for what she'd done.

"Thank you, Emmett," she said sincerely, holding out her hand for him to shake, "I can't tell you how grateful I am to you for...facilitating this. Really."

She turned to Edward and also held her hand out to him. He looked at me quickly, slight panic crossing his features. He reached out and shook her hand briefly, holding it long enough to be polite but not long enough for me to rip his arm off.

"Edward, I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for Bella. You obviously love her very much, and I'm so happy she has found someone as caring and protective as you."

Edward dropped his head and I knew he was thinking about the fading scars on my arms. I slipped my arm around his waist and squeezed, letting him know that he was being an idiot without having to say the words.

"Bella," Renee said, standing so close to me that I could smell her perfume. An unexpected pang of memory shot through me as the crisp, floral fragrance seeped into the forgotten hallways of my brain, transporting me back to a time when that smell would immediately heal a scraped knee, or slay a closet-monster, or magically find a lost doll. I closed my eyes for a second, savoring the sweet distant memories like a rare wine, but all too soon they evaporated, and I opened my eyes to see the haggard, haunted woman those crumbling memories had left behind.

"Bella, thank you...for seeing me...for listening to me...for letting me apologize to you. You didn't have to, and I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd refused to see me, but...I can't tell you how grateful I am that you did."

She lifted her arm as though she was going to reach out and touch my face, and my breath caught in my chest. A look of shock crossed her face and she stopped herself, lowering her hand with a sad smile.

"Sorry," she said softly, "Some habits are hard to break."

She looked at me longingly and I knew what she wanted. She wanted her daughter back - the one who had baked cookies with her and cuddled her with flour-covered fingers, the one who had hugged her legs on the first day of school and wouldn't let go. The one who thought rainbows were made up of wishes that hadn't been claimed yet.

But that little girl didn't exist anymore. She hadn't existed for a long time.

"I expect nothing from you," she whispered, looking down at her feet, "but I just want to let you know that there's a bench across the road from this apartment block. It's quite a nice bench...in front of some trees. I think it's a place I'd like to come...each day...and just sit, after a hard day at work." She looked up at me. "If you ever want to come and sit with me, you'd be more than welcome."

I swallowed and clenched my jaw against a wave of twisting, uncertain emotion.

"Maybe one day," I rasped.

She nodded slightly and allowed herself a small hope-filled smile.

"I can wait."

She turned and headed toward the door, stopping when she reached it and turning to face us.

"Goodbye," she said, waving slightly, "I hope to see you all again....one day."

She stepped through the door and closed it softly behind her, cutting the razor-wire of tension that had connected her to me from the moment she'd walked into the room.

The suppressed emotions of the past few hours ricocheted through my body like exploding bullets, refusing all efforts to be denied any longer. A huge gasping breath tore out of me and my knees buckled as huge waves of tension and relief surged out of me in painful, wracking sobs.

I was barely aware of strong arms wrapping around me. As soon as his warmth enveloped me the sharp edges of reality started unraveling and I closed my eyes as the sweet oblivion of Edward's embrace engulfed me and made everything but him melt away.

***

**EPOV**

I don't know how long Bella cried.

It didn't matter.

It could have been minutes or hours. All I knew was that I needed to be there for her for as long as it took to purge whatever the fuck was leaking out of her.

I held her to my chest and stroked her hair, my heart breaking with every tortured sob that ripped out of her.

Jesus Christ. I'd never seen her like this, not even when I'd broken up with her. It was like every single piece of pain and resentment inside her was manifesting as low, guttural sobs. She sounded like a wounded animal, and apart from holding her and letting her know I was there, I had no fucking clue what to do.

I knew that seeing her mother again was going to be traumatic for her, and honestly, I was surprised at how well she handled the whole thing. She listened when Renee told her side of the story and kept her ranting to a minimum, and I knew that must have been hard on her.

Likewise, I was surprised at how well Renee had coped with the situation. I don't know what I was expecting from the woman who had pretty much ruined Bella's life, but I sure as shit wasn't expecting her to be so....normal. I mean, there were no horns or cloved hooves. Her eyes weren't glowing red and she didn't explode in the sunlight. She was...kind of...sad. And although I'd never admit it to Bella 'cause I'm pretty sure she'd rip my head off and beat me to death with it, I felt sorry for her.

When she was talking about how she reacted when she thought Bella was dead, I thought I was going to lose it. I knew how it felt to contemplate a life without Bella in it, and it was staggeringly fucking painful. I totally sympathized with her.

The way she left had definitely placed the ball firmly in Bella's court, and I respected her for that. Despite the fact I could sympathize with what she'd been through, she was still the woman who let motherfucker-Phil beat the woman I loved. If she'd stepped over any line about anything during this little vent-session, I would have been forced to hurt her, and then Emmett would have hurt me, and...well...things would have gotten messy. I was genuinely surprised at how thoughtful and respectful she was. Maybe she had a grain of decency in her after all.

I heard the door close and I figured that Emmett had left.

No doubt he'd want to see Bella later, but right now all she needed was to get three years of crap out of her system, and it seemed most of that crap was now soaking through my t-shirt.

A creeping numbness oozed into me and I grimaced as I realized my legs had gone to sleep. I tried to move but vicious pins and needles spiked into my muscles and I hissed in pain. I could only imagine how much pain Bella was going to be in. Her fingers had been clutching my shirt like her life depended on it ever since the flood-gates had opened.

Shit.

I needed to get us off the floor.

I looked down at Bella. The sobs had given way to ragged breaths and I figured the worst had passed.

"Come on, beautiful," I said as I dragged us both to our feet, "Let's get you cleaned up."

She let me lead her into the bathroom, her face slack and lifeless.

She looked exhausted. I can only imagine how drained she must be.

"Are you okay to stand by yourself?" I asked looking into her swollen face. She nodded slightly, not meeting my eyes, and I leaned her against the vanity before bending over to run a bath.

After adjusting the temperature I threw in some girly smelly stuff I found on the counter and turned back to Bella, gently taking off her clothes. She moved with me, lifting her feet so I could remove her shoes before holding my shoulders as she stepped out of her jeans and panties. I pulled off her t-shirt and bra before quickly removing all of my clothes and shutting off the faucets.

I stepped into the bath and held my hand out to her.

"Come on, sweetheart," I said softly, holding her hand as she stepped into the tub and we both sank into the warm, sweet-smelling water. I cradled her between my knees, her back to my chest, and I hummed quietly as I gently started to wash her, not bothering with the sponge, simply soaping up my fingers and trailing them across her soft skin.

A groaning sigh whispered out of her and I tried to keep my involuntary erection away from her. The last thing I wanted was for her to think that I was angling for sex. I wasn't. I just wanted to take care of her. Show her that I loved her. I couldn't help it if my body's reaction to seeing her naked was to rush all my blood to my dick. It was out of my control...like breathing...or touching her.

I spread the creamy bubbles down her arms and her head dropped back onto my shoulder, her warm breath washing over my neck as her face turned toward me.

"That feels good," she sighed.

I kissed her forehead.

"Hey, there you are," I said softly, bringing my hands back up to her shoulders and massaging them lightly. "Where did you go?"

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, her body sinking further into the water as she relaxed against me.

"Nowhere. I just needed to cry. Let out some of the crap I was carrying around inside me."

I pushed my fingers into her hair, circling them firmly on her scalp as she moaned slightly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She turned around and traced her fingers across my jaw, watching their progress as she brought them to my mouth and gently brushed over my lips.

"Yes...but not now."

"Why, is now not a good time?"

"No," she said as her eyes came back up to meet mine. "I have other things I have to do right now."

"Oh, really?" I said, my heartbeat galloping around my chest purely from having her look at me with raw desire. "Like what?"

"Like you," she said breathily as she leaned in and pressed her lips to mine.

I closed my eyes and inhaled sharply as her seductive softness molded to my insistent hardness, her hands clasping behind my neck as she pushed her soapy body against mine.

She opened her mouth to me and I couldn't help but groan as I wrapped my arms around her. She sucked on my tongue and I groaned louder, my hands sliding over the silky wetness of her skin.

We kissed for a few minutes, our hands and lips and tongues becoming more frantic as the emotional turmoil of the day gave way to desperate passion. My hands moved over her skin, caressing and squeezing her, pulling her against my needy body.

"Bella," I panted as her hands traveled down my chest, skimming over the muscles of my abs as they dipped into the water and migrated lower, "you're not trying to distract me with sex, are you?"

Her hands moved beneath the water, her fingertips grazing against my hard length, investigating and caressing every ridge and muscle. I slumped back against the tub and closed my eyes as a low, long groan seeped out of me.

"Oh, Jesus....Bella...."

"Baby," she said sexily, "I do want to discuss this issue with you so you can analyze me with your giant brain..." - she leaned over and kissed my forehead - "...and empathize with me with your giant heart..." - she kissed across my chest and lightly nibbled my nipples - "but right now what I like to for you to do, more than anything else, it to orgasmasize me with your giant..."

"I get the picture," I growled as I sat up and pulled her against my erection, tangling my hands in her hair as I pulled her mouth down to mine.

I kissed her hard, running my hands over her still-soapy back, groaning as she reached between us and started stroking me.

Jesus, what her touch did to me. My blood exploded through my veins as her hands moved over me, every touch intensifying my need for her.

I moaned as I lifted her off me, standing up quickly and lifting her out of the bath. I put her down on the soft bath-mat and bent my head to her chest, smiling as small moans tumbled out of her, my mouth closing around her very taut nipple.

My hands closed around her breasts, gently squeezing as I palmed their delicious weight. My breathing was just as ragged as hers and I ran my tongue over her skin, my teeth nibbling her gently when my lips alone weren't enough.

God, I loved her breasts. I loved how they felt in my hands and on my tongue, and I loved the noises she made when I was touching them.

Her sex-noises drove me absolutely fucking insane, and I had a slight pang of guilt that I was basically attacking her like this, even though she did start it. I had intended to pamper her tonight. Bathe her and massage her and put her to bed, not molest her shamelessly while my dick demanded I take her roughly in a variety of positions.

Unfortunately, she wasn't helping matters by moaning my name and begging for more, and the way her hands were moving across my body was doing absolutely nothing to help my control.

"Edward, I need you. Please," she moaned, and I knew what she was pleading for. After everything she'd been through today, she needed this connection with me, and I wasn't ashamed to say, I needed it too. I needed her. I needed all of her and I needed her to forget about everything that happened today and just feel. I knew the fallout from her reunion with her mother would probably be prolonged and messy, but in the here and now, all I wanted her to be thinking about was me, and us, and perfect pleasure.

I dropped to my knees and growled, "Put your foot up on the tub, Bella," before grasping her hips and putting my mouth on her. She lifted her leg and as my lips closed over her swollen flesh she gasped and grabbed my hair, tugging at it hard as she pushed my face further into her.

"Oh....God...Edward..."

That's it, Bella – let go. Let me take care of you.

She leaned back against the wall as I tasted and licked her, the flavor of her warm, clean skin mixing with her arousal, driving me insane with desire. I worked her with my tongue and lips, flicking her clit in a pulsing rhythm as I listened to her sigh and moan.

I brought my hand up to her and gently pushed two fingers inside, slowly thrusting in and out as my mouth worked in tandem.

She moaned and cursed, her hips moving against me, her fingernails digging into my shoulder.

Fuck. The sensation of her inner muscles gripping at my fingers was incredible. It suddenly made Godzy very jealous that my fingers were getting all the action. He started throbbing in protest and I mentally told him to settle the fuck down before he got carried away.

"Oh...Jesus...Edward....uh....yes....oh, God, yes..."

She tightened around my fingers and I knew she was close. I increased my pace, curling my fingers into her, stroking the spot that made her scream my name.

"FUCK! Yes! Edward!! Oh, God, YES!! EDWAAARD!!"

That's my girl.

I sucked her clit strongly for a few seconds, and then I felt it – the incredible fluttering of her muscles around me – the undulating tightening and releasing as her orgasm rocketed through her.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God!!! AHHHHHHH!!! Oh, Jesus, Edward...YES!!"

I kept thrusting my fingers into her as she rode out her climax, her fingers gripping my hair painfully as her face crumpled in glorious ecstasy.

I watched her in awe.

There was nothing more glorious than my Bella being overcome with pleasure. I would never get tired of seeing her eyebrows furrow as crashing waves of unraveling bliss pulsed through her. Seeing her like this was like gazing on a priceless work of art – stunning and inexplicably mesmerizing. I wanted to take a picture of her like this and carry it with me always. She was fucking magnificent and she was all mine.

Eventually, the tremors subsided and I stood up and pulled her into my arms, her limp limbs draping around me languidly.

I scooped her up and strode into the bedroom, laying her gently on the bed before lying beside her and pulling her into my chest. She sighed and automatically draped her thigh over mine as her hand traced the hair on my chest. Her fingers trailed down my stomach, and although I tried to ignore the throbbing in my groin, the proximity of her fingers to my rampant erection was making that pretty fucking difficult.

"Hmmm, I needed that," she sighed as her hand traced my muscles, her cheek warm and soft against my skin.

"I'm glad I could be of service, ma'am," I said politely, smiling smugly to myself as I brushed my fingers up and down her arm, closing my eyes as her warm hands explored my body.

Please keep touching me, Bella. Never stop touching me.

Her fingers lightly grazed over Godzy and a jolt of pleasure shot through me. My whole body tensed as she teased me with feather-light touches, her soft fingertips sending shivers of electricity all over my skin.

She began kissing my chest, her silken lips and warm tongue tasting my pecs, my abs, my hips. My whole body tensed as she continued to torture me with the glory of her touch.

Jesus Christ. Everywhere she touched me burned, white-hot and fierce, until my skin was blazing over my muscles like an inferno. My need for her was becoming unbearable.

I clenched my fists and pushed down my animal instincts.

I didn't want to be one of those men who needed to have an orgasm every time he pleasured his lover. I wanted it to be enough that I had brought her pleasure.

Unfortunately, Godzy had other ideas.

"Bella," I said softly, trying like hell to keep the pathetic need out of my voice and not sound like the desperate sex-fiend I obviously was. "You're tired, beautiful, you should sleep. You really don't need to...give me a happy ending."

She pulled herself on top of me, straddling my thighs with her own and sitting back on her heels, her eyes dark and sensual as they traveled over my body.

My jaw clamped down as every piece of flesh her eyes landed on erupted with aching fire. My dick was throbbing painfully, every pulse of blood deepening my need to be inside her.

"Edward, you're lying there, naked and magnificent, sporting the world's most spectacularly beautiful cock, looking at me with eyes the color of midnight, and you tell me I don't NEED to touch your body? To bring you pleasure? To make you moan in ecstasy?"

Oh, for fuck's sake. Could she BE any sexier?

"What sad demented planet are you from that makes you believe I could ever deny myself the glory of having your mouth-watering dick inside me?"

Shit. Obviously she can.

She bent down and kissed me, her hands moving across my face, down my neck, over my chest. My hands gripped her knees before running up the silky smoothness of her thighs, my lips never leaving hers as she pushed her tongue into my eager mouth.

How I managed to land the world's sexiest woman I'll never know. Obviously I'd won some kind of cosmic lottery. I really was the luckiest bastard in the world.

Her hand trailed down between us and she grasped my shaft, pulling it up and guiding herself down onto it slowly as I threw my head back and groaned.

"Oh, fuck...Bella..."

She sat up, taking all of me into her and looking at me with supreme satisfaction as she circled her hips slightly. I could barely fucking breathe.

"Thank you for being there for me today," she said softly as she moved above me. I swallowed thickly and grasped her hips, slowing her movements so I could get a grip on my control.

"Where else would I be?" I asked, my heart filling with so much love it started to ache. "I'm yours, Bella. I'll always be here for you."

She put her hands on my chest, leaning her weight forward as she rocked her hips back and forth, raising herself up and lowering down, drawing me in and out of her as a searing, coiling heat tightened inside of me.

"I love you, Edward," she said, her voice thick with emotion. "I can't even put into words how much I love you."

She set a steady rhythm, dragging me in and out as I fisted the bed sheets and groaned her name. I suddenly felt her tighten around me and I sat up, wrapping my arms around her and pressing my chest to hers, kissing her deeply as we rocked and breathed together.

"I love you, Bella. God, I love you so much."

I pushed my hips up into hers and she grasped my shoulders as she rode me desperately, every thrust accompanied by a small cry, her voice plaintive and soft and pleading. I pushed myself into her as she looked into my eyes, her brows knitting together as she concentrated on the coalescing strands of her climax.

"Oh...God...Edward...ahhh...I love you being inside me...God I love making love to you...."

"Bella...I will never get tired of being inside you...never...."

Her whole body bucked against mine and she gasped as her orgasm took her, her fingers grasping at my shoulders as her powerful contractions gripped me fiercely.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" I roared as the excruciating tension inside me snapped. White heat rocketed through my abdomen and I crushed her to me as long, hot waves of ecstasy spilled out of me in blindingly ecstatic pulses, wracking my body with pleasure and crashing release.

I breathed into the sweet skin of her chest as the last tremors shuddered through me, my lungs drawing in fast uneven breaths as her heart thrummed beneath my cheek, fast and erratic and strong.

"Edward?" she panted, as she weaved her fingers through my hair, stroking my scalp with her fingernails.

Oh, fuck. That feels like heaven.

"Hmmm?" I moaned, breathing her into me as my hands danced across her back.

"I miss my mother."

I pulled away from her slightly so I could look up into her face.

She was calm, but her eyes were shimmering slightly.

"Okay."

"But I don't forgive her."

"Uh huh."

"Does that seem weird?"

I lifted her off of me because I didn't feel right talking about her mother with my dick still inside her.

"Uh...no...I don't think so."

We lay down together on the bed and faced each other. I couldn't help myself and stroked her face, smoothing over the faint frown that was creasing her forehead.

"Do you think it's weird?" I asked carefully, not sure where the hell this conversation was heading.

"Yes," she answered simply, her lips forming an adorable pout. "I think it's weird that I want to simultaneously hit her and hug her."

I smiled and ran my thumb across her bottom lip. "But sweetie, you feel that way about me all the time. It can't seem that unusual..."

She tried to suppress a smile which made me smile even wider. "Well, yes...but that's because you're extremely annoying."

"I guess that's something I have in common with your mother then, huh?"

She rolled her eyes at me and scowled. "Edward, do NOT compare yourself to my mother right after you've fucked me into oblivion. It's icky and strange."

I laughed and pulled her into my chest, wrapping my arms around her as she yawned loudly.

"Fine. No post-coital Mom-talk. Got it."

She sighed and put her hand on my chest, covering my heart. I covered her hand with mine and pressed it into my skin.

"So, what are you going to do about your Mom?" I asked gently.

She yawned again and snuggled into my shoulder.

"I have no fucking clue," she said tiredly, "but I do know that hitting her and/or hugging her is out of the question...at least for the time being."

I closed my eyes and nuzzled into her hair, sniffing her shamelessly as I tightened my arms around her.

"You'll figure it out," I said, "And when you do, I'll be there to help you, no matter what you decide. Now, sleep beautiful, you've had an incredibly stressful couple of days and you need your rest."

I looked down at her and smiled.

She was already asleep.

***

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**Author Notes**

**Okee...so...there it was. What do you think of Renee's justification? Is she still the anti-Christ? Or a victim of self-doubt and circumstance?**

**Drop me a line and let me know your thoughts.**

**Just a reminder that I'm a judge for an awesome competition called "The Twific Auto Erotica Challenge". We want your entries! Take some hot smut, add a hot car and you're done. Easy, no? Entries close on the 17th Feb so get writing, peeps!**

**Linky - http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/~twificautoeroticachallenge**

**Don't forget I'm currently writing another fic at the moment called "Grasping Darkness". It features a dark, horny Vampward, so if you're into that sort of thing (and let's face it, who isn't?) go check it out. Link on my profile.**

**For those who donated and received 's Haiti Relief Compilation, you may have noticed a teaser in there for a new fic I will be writing when Screamers comes to a close. (*sob* Not long now...) If you get a chance, check it out and let me know your thoughts.**

**Reviews = Kiya's dorky happy face. Seriously. It's very amusing.**

**Love you all!**

**Kiya x**


	36. Just Being

**Chapter Notes**

**Well there has been a huge movement called 'The Ficbridge' started by the incredible for authors to update today, 28****th**** Feb, to show their appreciation for their readers.**

**For that reason, this update is dedicated to all of you - my amazing readers - who keep coming back to this story every update. ****I**** can't tell you all how amazing it feels to have readers from all over the world read my fiction (and continually resist the urge to commit me to the nearest funny farm). I'm truly grateful that you enjoy my work and would grope each of you – separately and extensively – if ****I**** was able to.**

**To my darling Catty-Wan – my love for you knows no bounds. You make my words pretty and my question marks important. **

**Disclaimer: ****I**** don't own the Twilight characters. ****I**** just own a smart mouth and a perverted imagination.**

**Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 36 – Just Being**

**EPOV**

I shifted the plastic grocery bags into one hand so I could raise the other one to wave. Renee smiled warmly at me and waved back, then dropped her eyes to the book in her lap as I crossed the street to our building.

It had been three weeks since the confrontation and it was now a regular occurrence to see her there, sitting contentedly on the park bench opposite our apartment. True to her word, she came here every day after work and sat for a few hours mainly reading, but sometimes just people-watching and staring at passing traffic. For the past few weeks she'd also taken to coming here on Saturdays, spending the morning on her bench before disappearing around lunchtime and returning Monday afternoon.

I saw her regularly, and although I wasn't about to run out and buy her a mother-of-the-year award, I was always polite to her. I don't think I could ever forgive her for what she did to Bella, but to be honest, I admired her dedication in trying to make it up to her. .

Bella still wasn't ready to let her mother back into her life and I totally supported her decision, but it was good to see that Renee seemed happy to wait, regardless. She always seemed content, and when she left without seeing Bella, it was never with a dejected air. I think she was just happy to be near her, if only for a few hours each day.

I couldn't blame her. Being near Bella made me content in a way that nothing else had She was more satisfying than the most potent drugs I'd ever pumped into my ignorant, deluded body, and the past few weeks with her had been incredible because it was the first time we'd been able to just 'be'. I woke up every morning with her in my arms and every time I looked at her wrapped around me with one hand firmly planted on my chest, I thanked God that I'd found her, and despite my propensity to fuck-up, had been able to keep her. There was no way I could function without her now, and thank God I didn't have to.

I stepped into the elevator and pressed the button to our floor, smiling when I thought about my amazing woman and how strong she was. She occasionally talked to me about the past - telling me anecdotes about the moments she remembered fondly - but I could tell that the bad memories dwarfed the good ones and I had no idea if she would ever be ready to forgive and forget.

I got that.

It was hard to imagine a parent letting her kid go through what Bella did, but then again it was hard to imagine a privileged white-boy like me sinking to the lowest depths of depravity.

In a way, the three of us had all spent time being slaves to our weaknesses. Like most people, we were all living with our burdens, struggling to shoulder them and balance them with what little strength we had. Sometimes they dragged us down to a place where force of will seemed to cease to exist. Where the ability to find the strength to carry them seemed like an unattainable fantasy. Where the weight of our mistakes kept us anchored to a cycle of self-loathing and powerlessness.

But I had found my way back out of that cycle, just like Bella had, and just like Renee had. I'm not saying Renee could ever make up for what she'd done, or more accurately, what she'd failed to do, but at least she was standing upright again. The burdens were still there, but she finally realized she had the power to bear them by herself, and for that I gave her credit.

I pushed open the front door and dumped the bags on the kitchen counter before arranging the contents for the kick-ass breakfast I was about to make. Bella was still in the bedroom. I could hear my latest album blaring out of her iPod, and she was singing along in her sweet, slightly out-of-tune voice.

I smiled and sighed.

_That's my girl._

"WOMAN!" I yelled in my best caveman bellow, "COME! MAN HAS BROUGHT FOOD. ME MAKE IT HOT AND DELICIOUS FOR YOU! COME, OGLE MY AWESOMENESS!"

I heard a giggle from the bedroom and smiled. That sound was more precious than goddamn gold.

She padded out in her bathrobe, walking over and putting her arms around me before planting a soft kiss on my mouth.

"Hmm...Bella pleased," she said in a deep voice as she saw my tasty ingredients; and I'm not talking about the groceries. "Man has hunted well. Him strong and gifted with shopping cart and credit card."

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against me because...well...rubbing myself against Bella was always a good thing.

"Him also gifted in other ways," I said, smirking as Godzy sat up and said good morning to her. "His thunder stick strong with the Gods of boom boom. You want to see?"

She sighed heavily and traced the 'v' of chest hair at the top of my shirt.

"Boom boom must wait. Bella is whiffy and needs to dance with Gods of water and body wash."

I lowered my head to her neck, running my nose up her jugular as I sniffed her shamelessly.

_Jesus. So unbelievably good._

"Hmmm...man likes how Bella smells. It's musky and sexy as all fuck."

She slapped me on the arm.

"Cullen, you can't say 'sexy as all fuck' in your caveman voice! You're ruining the role-play."

"But it's true," I murmured as ran my nose up and down her neck. "Your smell is driving me fucking crazy. You smell like sex...and orgasms...and me."

Her hands weaved into my hair, moving over my scalp as I kissed and sniffed her.

"Edward, I have to go," she protested feebly as she pulled me even closer. "We can do this later. I can hear your stomach rumbling from here."

I pulled back and looked down at her.

"That's not my stomach. That's Godzy growling like the sexy beast he is."

She looked down at the bulge in my pants and smiled. I loved that Godzy always made her eyes light up.

"Uh huh. Well, your sexy beast needs to relax because I have to shower and you need to cook me breakfast. So hop to it, hot stuff. Your woman needs food."

I let her go, telling myself that I could ravage her later. I was starving and, unfortunately, the ingredients for the omelette weren't about to chop and cook themselves.

I made a mental note to look into the technology that would be needed to create a self-cooking omelette. I'm pretty sure that if I figured it out, I could buy the world.

I kissed her one last time and swatted her on the ass as she walked away. In response she swayed her hips in a way that she KNEW would drive me crazy.

"Quit it, Swan," I warned, "or you're going to find yourself against that shower wall screaming my name."

She turned and raised her eyebrow at me before opening her robe and flashing me her rocking rack.

_Fuck me._

Suddenly, my growling stomach and imminent omelette seemed completely insignificant.

"Nice boobs, Bella," Jasper said as he yawned and walked into the kitchen.

Bella snapped her robe shut and blushed, clearing her throat in embarrassment.

"Well...um...thank you Jasper. Nice ass."

She turned and strode into our bedroom, shutting the door as I a) resisted the urge to poke out Jas's Bella-ogling eyeballs, and b) registered what the fuck he was wearing.

"Dude," I said, trying to avert my gaze from the super-short black silk kimono that revealed the bottom of his ass-cheeks, "Could you please wear something that wasn't designed for a ten-year-old girl?"

He grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water.

"Alice bought it for me," he mumbled as he yawned again. "She thinks it's sexy."

He reached up into the pantry and grabbed several bottles of vitamins, shaking six or seven out onto the bench before putting the bottles back. When he raised his arms the kimono fully exposed his bare butt.

"Whoa!" I said in disgust, "Could you please at least wear pants with it? I do not need to see your pasty-white ass first thing in the morning. Or any time for that matter."

"Oh, relax," he said as he started taking the pills, "I've got boxers on."

I looked at him in disbelief. "Uh....no, Jas. You really don't."

A look of supreme confusion passed over his face and he put down his glass of water and opened his robe, grunting in surprise to see that he was, in fact, completely naked.

"Huh," he said in mild surprise as he started taking pills again. "How about that? Alice must have taken them off while I was asleep. Again."

He continued taking vitamins as I pulled out a mixing bowl and cut up the mushrooms and onion for the omelette.

"Jas, what's with you?" I asked as I watched him down a total of six vitamins.

He walked around to the other side of the kitchen bench and pulled out a stool, flopping down into it as he dropped his head into his hands and yawned again.

"Oh, man," he sighed, "I love your sister, Edward. I mean, I LOVE her. But everything she does turns me on. It's getting ridiculous."

"Uh huh...We had a similar conversation in therapy about how I felt about Bella. If I remember correctly, you dissed the concept of pornographic farting."

"Oh my God, when she farts it's the sexiest damn thing ever."

"Hah!"

"I feel like I'm losing my mind, and for a therapist, that's not a good thing. I constantly want to have sex with her, and despite the fact that I'm a pretty fit guy...I mean, I take care of myself - eat right, exercise regularly - I'm exhausted. And yet, I can't seem to say no to her, and to make matters worse, she _never_ gets tired. She's an animal."

"Yeah, I know," I sighed as I grated the cheese, "I heard you two last night."

His head snapped up and he looked at me in shock.

"You heard us? Jesus, Edward. What did you hear?"

"Oh, not much, you know...the usual selection of embarrassing grunts and gasps. It was fucking gross."

He visibly relaxed and took a sip of water.

"Oh, and I heard my sister whinny like a horse."

He spurted water all over the bench, coughing and spluttering like a two-stroke engine.

"Dude!" he exclaimed in disgust, "That is so not cool."

I cracked the eggs into the bowl as I snickered under my breath.

"You're telling me. Bella and I were fucking mortified. What the hell were you two doing last night?"

His face turned purple.

"Never mind," I said, cracking the last of the eggs and grabbing the whisk, "I really don't want to know."

Alice breezed into the kitchen in a matching red kimono and kissed Jasper's apoplectic face.

"Morning, stud," she whispered into his ear playfully before turning to me. "Morning, darling omelette-making brother."

"Morning, Trigger," I said under my breath.

Her head whipped around.

"What did you call me?" she said narrowing her gaze and preparing to laser me into dust.

"Nothing," I said, smirking as I took out a frying pan and turned on the heat, "Why don't you pull up a saddle...I mean, stool."

She gasped and turned back to Jasper who was groaning slightly and rubbing his eyes.

"Jasper Lee Dead-Man Hale. What the muff have you been telling my brother?"

I snorted.

"'What the muff?' Alice, is your 'fuck' valve broken?"

Jasper looked up at me.

"Alice has agreed to try not to swear for twenty-four hours because, for some reason that would no doubt boggle my mind if I stopped to analyze it, I find her cursing unbelievably arousing."

I guffawed loudly.

"Are you kidding me? There is no way in the world Alice can express herself without cursing. It's like air to her." I scooped some butter into the pan and watched it melt. "I give her an hour. Tops."

Alice glared at me and Jasper simultaneously which was pretty damn impressive considering we were on opposite sides of the kitchen.

"For you information, Edward," she seethed, "I'm more than capable of expressing myself without using swear words, so shut the fluff up, you sister-doubting freak-wad."

I chuckled. This was going to be good.

I looked at Jasper who was staring intently at her, his jaw set and hard.

I sighed.

"Even the fake swearing is getting you hot, isn't it Jas?"

He nodded and grimaced. "Unfortunately, yes."

Alice raised her eyebrow at him.

"In that case, Dr. Mc Naked-as-flipping-heck-under-that-tiny-robe, get into the mother-loving bedroom and assume the position before I lick your sexy tush up and down this fudging apartment."

"Don't you mean 'kick' my sexy tush?" he asked softly.

"You heard right the first time, mister," she said in a low voice.

_Oh, Jesus. Scarred for life._

Jasper stood up quickly and scooped her up in his arms, practically sprinting back into the bedroom as she giggled loudly.

"Just so you know? You two make me sick," I called cheerily.

"Make me a damn omelette, Edward, I need to keep up my protein!" Jas yelled as the door slammed behind them.

I went back to cooking omelettes and tried to ignore the grunting and gasping that emanated from their room. I sure as shit tried to block out Alice's voice when she yelled what sounded disturbingly like, "Oh, frap, yes, Jas! Jeebus frapping Christmas cake, YES!!"

I grudgingly put two omelettes in the oven for Jas and Alice before taking a tray with breakfast for Bella and me into the bedroom, placing it on the bed just as she came out of the bathroom wrapped in towel.

I flopped onto the bed and groaned.

"We really need to get our own place," I said and rubbed my eyes, as if that would somehow magically relieve the horror of my sister and my therapist fucking like animals. "Jas and Alice are grossing me the hell out."

I looked up to see Bella standing next to me, frozen, a look of shock on her face.

"Hey," I said as I reached out and took her hands, "Are you okay?"

She nodded and swallowed.

"Uh...yeah. Sure," she said, in such a way that I knew it to be a complete lie.

I gave her my best 'don't screw with me' look.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

She looked down at her hands and stroked my palms with her fingers.

God, I loved it when she did that. It was like tactile valium.

"Well," she said carefully, "it's just...um...did you just...shit." She took a deep breath before blurting out, "Did you just ask me to move in with you?"

I laughed.

"Bella, we're already living together."

I pulled her down into my lap and ran my fingers through her freshly-washed hair. It smelled incredible. I wanted to rub it all over my face.

"We've been living together for months, beautiful. I...well...I just assumed that we'd continue. But if you'd prefer to get your own place, I'd totally understand. I'd hate it and curse your name daily, but I'd understand."

"NO!" she practically yelled. "God, no! I don't want my own place! I want our place, not my place."

She framed my face with her hands, lightly trailing her fingertips over my cheeks. Her eyes were full of fire and love and passion and everything else I could ever want in a woman, and the look of such fierce possession on her face suddenly made me want to get her name tattooed all over my body.

"I want you, Edward," she said firmly, "I'll always want you. It's just...well...I guess... this is the first time we've ever talked about...the future."

She was right.

I knew I wanted her too...wanted her in my life, in my bed, in my arms – forever – but we'd never really talked about the reality of how it was going to be achieved.

I figured I should start with the basics.

"Bella?" I said, suddenly struggling against a knot of emotion in my throat, "You would make me the happiest Asstard alive if you would...please...agree to be my...roommate."

"Your roommate?" she asked skeptically, fixing me with a narrow gaze. "That sounds awfully...platonic. What would it involve?"

"Well," I said as I pulled her hair away from her shoulder and pressed my lips to her skin, "We'd have to share the chores, and split the bills..." I flicked my tongue over her clavicle and smiled when she gasped slightly, "...you know...regular roommate stuff."

"I see," she said as she grabbed my hair and tugged on it, forcing my head back and exposing my throat.

_Yep. There it is. Instant wood._

"And would I be expected to engage in any activity of a sexual nature with you, Mr Cullen?" she asked in a voice that would give a dead man an erection as she kissed and nibbled my neck.

"Uh...um..."

_Fuck. Can't think. All blood rushing to cock._

"What was that?" she smirked against my throat.

"Well...uh...yes...please," I managed before my brain lost all ability to grasp anything except her mouth on my skin and her hands in my hair.

"And what...exactly would you expect me to do to you?" she asked as she attacked my mouth fiercely.

It was all I could do to kiss her back and not fall off the bed with the force of my moans. She thrust her tongue into my mouth, and it was like someone plunged a syringe full of adrenalin straight into my heart, making it thunder loudly in my chest.

"Would you expect that, for example?" she panted as she pulled back.

"Uh huh," I mumbled like an idiot, "That would be...uh...good."

"What about this?" she asked as she started unbuttoning my shirt, kissing and nibbling each piece of chest she revealed.

"Oh, fuck...yes," I gasped as I leaned back on my hands, groaning as she slipped off my lap and sank to her knees between my thighs.

_Don't look down, Cullen. For the love of God, don't do it. You know that you completely lose your shit when you see her head between your legs. For fuck's sake, keep it together._

"Edward?"

_Don't open your eyes._

"Yes."

"Look at me."

She started stroking my erection through my jeans.

_Shit._

"Uh...no, thank you," I said as politely as I could while trying to resist growling like a fucking animal.

"Edward...look at me. Now."

_Dammit. She's using her Dominant Bella voice. Resistance is futile._

I grudgingly opened my eyes and glanced down to see her mouth, open and goddamn magnificent, right in front of my swollen crotch.

"Jesus fucking Christ," I muttered as Godzy throbbed uncomfortably and begged to come out and play.

She looked up at me with a look of supreme power on her face. She knew exactly what she was doing to me and was loving it. I, in turn, loved the fact that she was loving it. It was a cycle of ever-increasing lust.

"Edward," she said with a mix of sweet and sexy that made every muscle in my body scream at me to take her immediately, "If I was your roommate, would you expect me to take you in my mouth?"

_Fuck._

"Would you expect me to wrap my hand around your beautiful erection and stroke you? Would you want me to lick you...and suck you?"

_Double fuck._

"Would that make you happy?"

I swallowed hard and nodded. Apparently speech wasn't possible anymore.

"That would make me happy too," she said as she kissed her way up my stomach, running her hands under the back of my shirt as she scraped her fingernails lightly over my back.

_Jesus. So damn good._

I groaned as she teased my nipples, her teeth light and sharp and fucking driving me insane.

"So, I guess my answer is yes," she said as she kissed me quickly on the lips and walked around to the other side of the bed, pulling a plate off the tray and shoving massive pieces of omelette in her mouth, "I accept your proposal to live with you."

My body didn't quite register that she had left and was still screaming for her, my skin tingling with need and desire.

"Oh, God, Edward," she mumbled with a full mouth, "This omelette is really goddamn good."

"Uh..oh...what?" I managed as I watched her shove food into her mouth with disgusted fascination. "But...what about the stroking....and the licking...and the sucking?"

She moaned slightly as she chewed and swallowed.

_Yeah. Not helping._

"Well," she said as she looked at me and shrugged, "my understanding is that you would expect me to do all of that stuff when we move into our own place. So as far as I'm concerned, I don't have to give you any more blow jobs until that happens."

I sprang off the bed and buttoned up my shirt, my brain rebelling violently against the concept of a dick-sucking embargo.

"Where are you going?" she asked as she practically inhaled the last chunk of omelette.

"To get a newspaper," I grumbled, "It's Saturday. I bet I can find us an apartment, get us moved in, and have my pants down by the end of the day."

She laughed and patted the bed next to her.

"Sit down, Asstard. You haven't even eaten your breakfast."

"Breakfast?" I said in disbelief, "You're talking about withholding your fucking insane Godzy gobbling skills and you expect me to give a shit about breakfast?"

"Edward..."

"How can you expect me to eat at a time like this, Swan? I'm freaking the hell out here!"

"Edward, sit down and eat your breakfast."

"Not possible."

"If I promise to suck your dick later will you sit down?"

_Thank you, Jesus!_

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Later today?"

She sighed.

"Yes. Later today."

"What time?"

"God, I don't know."

"Well that sounds very vague and non-committal."

"Eight-thirty tonight, okay? Is that acceptable?"

"TONIGHT? That's fucking hours away! Godzy might not survive that long without mouth to cock resuscitation."

"I'm sure he'll be fine. He's a tough little cock-monster."

I gasped in horror.

"LITTLE?"

She snickered like the evil minx she was.

"It's a term of endearment."

"Like hell it is. Massive...gargantuan...epic beyond all belief – THOSE are terms of endearment."

"God, you're so needy."

"Am not. Now about the fellating of my gargantuan man-rod..."

"Tonight."

"Yeah, that doesn't really work for me."

"Oh, and when might be convenient for you?"

"Uh..like, now?"

"Uh...like, no. It's tonight or not at all."

"Well, obviously 'not at all' isn't an option."

"Obviously. So tonight then?"

"I'll have to check my schedule."

"You're wide open. Believe me."

"I guess I'll have to take your word on that."

"So is it a date or not?"

"Am I expected to buy you dinner?"

"No."

"Flowers?"

"No."

"Then no, it's not a date."

"What would you call it then?"

"Three minutes in heaven?"

"A whole three minutes?"

"Give or take a minute or two."

"You're giving me too much credit."

"No, I'm really not. If I think of dead puppies I might even make it to four."

"Don't bet on it."

"You're evil."

"You love it."

"Sadly, I do."

"So, tonight? Eight-thirty p.m.?"

"I don't know, Bella. You didn't say please."

She shook her head and smirked.

"Edward, may I PLEASE suck your dick at precisely eight-thirty this evening?"

I sighed.

"Well, I suppose so. I mean, I love you and want to make you happy, so if you insist on servicing me with your mouth, who am I to deny you? Now stop bugging me about it would you? My breakfast is getting cold."

I sat down immediately and started eating. Fuck I was hungry.

"You're extremely manipulative, you know that, right?" she said trying to suppress a smile.

"Sshh," I said as I cut up the omelette, "You don't want to dry out that hot little mouth of yours with all that pesky talking."

She laughed and punched me in the arm.

"Asshole."

I laughed with her and rubbed my shoulder.

"That's 'Mr. Asshole' to you, young lady."

I shoved a forkful of egg and mushroom into my mouth and groaned.

"Oh, wow. This is really good," I mumbled to myself. "Apparently I'm a fucking omelette-making savant."

She laughed and stood up, dropping her towel as she pulled some underwear out of a drawer.

"What are you doing?" I said, my mouth stuffed full of delicious eggy goodness.

She glanced up at me.

"Um...getting dressed. What does it look like I'm doing?"

I swallowed.

"Well, it looks like you're getting dressed, but that just makes my eyes sad. Can't you just stand there and be naked? For me?"

She rolled her eyes.

"For how long?"

I shrugged.

"Just a few minutes. Until I finish my genius omelette."

She sighed.

"All right then. Hurry up."

She stood there with her hands on her hips, staring at me expectantly, her breasts high and round, her legs long and lickable, her ass ridiculously biteable...

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?"

"You're not eating."

"Uh huh."

"And you're drooling."

"Oh, shit."

I grabbed a napkin and wiped my chin.

I looked up at her in embarrassment.

"Well, of course I'm drooling, Swan. Look at yourself. You're standing there all fucking gorgeous and naked and completely edible. What sort of reaction do you expect from a hot-blooded man? Put some clothes on for God's sake!"

She smiled and pulled on her panties. I resisted the urge to rip them back off of her.

"Oh, of course, Edward. That was extremely selfish of me. I'm sorry."

"I should think so," I muttered as I watched her slip into her bra and wiped my chin again.

_Jesus, saliva glands – settle the fuck down!!_

"Do you think I have nothing better to do than ogle your hot body and fight a painful erection all day?"

"Of course not, Edward. I know your day will be filled with important things like groping my ass and making vulgar jokes about speed humps."

"Damn straight."

We both chuckled as I finished eating, my eyes never leaving her body as I watched her pull on the world's sexiest jeans and a t-shirt that made me want to camp inside her cleavage.

When she had pulled on her shoes and socks, I piled the empty plates back on the tray before walking over to her and pulling her into my arms. I buried my head in her throat and sniffed, letting the fragrance of her shampoo fill my lungs as I stroked her back.

"What do you want to do today?" I said as I pulled back and looked down on her. "I mean before our scheduled and therefore cast-iron oral sex appointment."

She looked away and moved her hands over my chest, rubbing my pecs with her palms.

"Um...not much. We could just hang around the apartment."

I sighed.

_Here we go again._

"Bella, we can leave the apartment. You don't have to stop and talk to her. You can just wave and keep walking. It's no big deal."

She cringed.

"It is a big deal, Edward. It's weird seeing my mother sitting across the street. I don't know what the hell to say or how to act around her. It's just easier if I don't see her. We can go out this afternoon when she's gone." She looked up at me and unleashed the full force of her sympathy gaze. "Please?"

I shook my head and stepped away from her. She knew damn well I couldn't resist that. I was so whipped.

"Fine. We'll stay in until lunchtime. But you know I have a low threshold for boredom. You're going to have to keep me entertained."

She looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"Well, luckily for me, you're easily amused. Should I wheel out a few fart jokes and work my way up to a boob flash?"

I glared at her smug, beautiful face and crossed my arms.

"Swan, I resent the fact that you think a few fart jokes and a glimpse of your spectacular breasts will appease me. I'm a complicated man – full of deep, philosophical contradictions. I'm a kaleidoscope of intricate desires and voracious curiosity. How dare you imply that that I would be satisfied by tits and farts."

She copied me by crossing her arms, effectively pushing her tits together and making it really fucking difficult to concentrate on anything but her cleavage. I somehow called on the restraint of the Dalai Lama and resisted ripping her shirt off and decimating her bra. I didn't think it would help my current argument.

"Edward," she said, motioning for my eyes to come back to her face, "I'm sorry that I implied you were a simple man with simple desires. You are obviously vastly complicated well beyond the comprehension of my meager female mind. Now, what shall we do? Would you like to watch a movie?"

"Porn?"

"No."

"Soft porn?"

"No."

"Historical drama filled with anachronistic raunchy sex scenes?"

"No. That just another type of soft porn."

"Damn. I was hoping you wouldn't pick up on that."

"Obviously."

"I have some very tasteful art-house movies..."

"Edward, how many times do I have to say it? 'Finger-Banging Cum-Whores' is not an art-house film."

"Oh, come on. It's shot in black and white and has some really interesting camera angles."

"That's because they were cheap and the cameraman had one leg longer than the other."

"You're so critical of independent film making."

"Pick something else."

"'Finger-Banging Cum-Whores Volume Two'?"

"No."

I sighed.

"If you're going to limit my film choices to things that aren't porn, soft porn or classy art-house erotica, then my list of options is very short indeed. I'm going to have to go with the old favorite."

"Oh, no."

"Bella, you leave me no choice."

"Edward, there's always a choice."

"Aw, come on. You know you love it."

"I really don't."

"You laugh every time I put it on."

"That's because every time you watch it you devolve into a giggling, twitching twelve year old boy."

"That's not true. Sixteen."

"It's still sad."

"Sad but sexy?"

"Were you sexy when you were sixteen?"

"Not really."

"I find that hard to believe."

I couldn't help but smile.

_How is it that just the simplest statement from her can make my heart expand in my chest until it hurts?_

I walked over and pulled her into my arms.

"I would have liked to have known you when I was sixteen. You would have stopped me from making a lot of stupid mistakes."

She looked up at me and stroked my face, her fingers ghosting over my cheeks and jaw.

"I don't know about that. When you were sixteen, I was eleven. I probably would have worshipped the ground you walked on and made those mistakes with you."

"I seriously doubt that," I said, mirroring what she was doing because, dammit, I just couldn't seem to stop touching her. "You would have given me a reason to not need to make mistakes."

She smiled, and as usual when she looked at me like I was her everything, I had to swallow down a knot of emotion.

"God, I love you," I said, bending down to kiss her gently.

She sighed and stroked my face.

"How much do you love me?"

I smiled and kissed her again.

"A lot."

"A little 'a lot' or a big 'a lot'?"

"You know the answer to that."

"Enough to choose a different movie?"

I pulled back suddenly.

"Bella, what exactly do you have against 'Dude, Where's My Car?'"

She sighed.

"Sweetie, I don't have anything against it. I just don't particularly need to see it for the fifteenth time."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"But, honey, that Chinese Food drive-through scene is fucking priceless! 'An' deeeeeen?'"

I may have giggle-snorted at that point.

She sighed in resignation and grabbed my hand, pulling me out into the living room.

"Oh dear God, Edward," she said as she laughed and shoved me down into the couch, "I can't believe I doubted that you were so very complicated and deep."

"I know. Crazy woman."

She put the DVD in and turned on the television, grabbing the remote controls as she came to join me on the couch. I couldn't resist pulling her into my lap and "subtly" groping her ass.

"Of course, we don't have to watch a movie at all," I said softly as I relinquished the ass-grab to facilitate running my fingers up and down her arm. "I could just rid you of all these inconvenient clothes and lick your whole body for a few hours. That would pass the time."

I smiled as her breathing immediately picked up and a gentle blush lit up her perfect skin.

"But we did that yesterday morning," she said, her voice low and sexy.

I pushed my hands under her t-shirt and stroked the soft skin of her lower back, tracing circles with my fingernails.

"Yes, we did," I said, getting hard at the memory of her writhing and moaning under my lips and tongue. "If I remember correctly, you seemed to enjoy yourself."

I licked my lips and didn't miss the fact that she watched my tongue hungrily and moaned under her breath.

"Uh...yes," she responded as I moved one hand around to stroke her stomach, "You managed to...entertain me...sufficiently...for several hours."

I cupped her face with one hand as my other continued to stroke her back. Her eyes drifted closed as her hands gripped my shoulders. I loved watching what I did to her, how I could make her feel.

"I believe I 'entertained' you four times," I whispered, bringing my lips to the flesh at the top of her t-shirt, "You screamed out that I was the King of Cunnilingus. I've ordered business cards with that title. And a t-shirt."

She stood up and straddled me, planting her knees either side of my hips. My hands naturally went to her ass. I don't know why. It's a man thing.

"Oh, no," she said firmly, "No business cards. No T-shirt. You can NOT advertise your mad oral skills, Cullen. I have enough trouble beating women away from you as it is. If they had ANY IDEA how goddamn talented your mouth really was, I'd have to cover you in barbed wire and battery acid to keep them away, and that would be no fun for either of us."

"Fine," I sighed, "I'll be a super hero in the bedroom and a mild-mannered Rock-God in the real world. It'll be a struggle to act like a mere mortal, but I'll do it for you, Piss-Girl. Now, would you like a repeat performance of yesterday's pleasure programming or not?"

She pushed down on my increasingly insistent erection and circled her hips.

_Fuck. I'm taking that as a yes._

"I wouldn't want you to get bored," she panted as she continued to torture poor desperate Godzy.

"Bella, in the immortal words of John Mayer, 'your body is wonderland'. I could never get bored with bringing you pleasure. Every orgasm is like a perfect piece of art – stunning and incredible and remarkable. And I'm the only one who gets to do that to you. I don't think you have any idea how much I enjoy it."

"Hmmm, I didn't hear you say please," she said mischievously.

I chuckled and looked up into her eyes.

"Bella, may I please pleasure you orally."

Her breath hitched slightly as her fingers traced my lips.

"Well, I suppose so," she sighed. "I mean, I love you and want to make you happy, so if you insist on servicing me with your mouth, who am I to deny you?"

I groaned as my hands tightened on her hips.

"Too damn sexy, Swan," I rasped.

"Ditto, Cullen," she moaned before attacking my mouth.

We devoured each other and the volume of our moans was just starting to become embarrassing when Alice's bedroom door wrenched open and she strode into the living room, waving her arms and shouting.

"Oh my fluffing God! Turn off the mother-loving movie, you guys!! Turn it off right the fudge NOW!! You HAVE to fudging see this!!"

She grabbed the remote control pointing to the screen with a look of delighted surprise on her face.

It was one of those cheesy Hollywood gossip shows. The perfectly plastic blonde reporter turned to the camera.

"I'm coming to you live from Hollywood where a woman has been arrested for assaulting the girlfriend of tween heart-throb, Zac Effron. Apparenty the woman, a deranged fan who has been stalking Effron for several weeks, waited for Vanessa Hudgens while she was shopping in Hollywood boutiques before pouncing on her, landing several blows to the face and body before on-lookers restrained her and called the police."

The attacker's face appeared on the screen, screeching obscenities as police dragged her toward a waiting car.

"She's totes not good enough for him!!! Why can't he see that? She sent pictures of her boobs over the internet for God's sake!! She's a floozy!! I'm right here!! Why can they NEVER see that I'M RIGHT HERE?!!"

"Oh, Jesus," Bella whispered, "She finally cracked. That's seriously fucking sad."

We all watched in disbelief as Bree was bundled into the police cruiser, struggling and screaming like a loon as the reporter told us she had been arrested on assault charges and was being taken for a psychological evaluation.

"Bree, Bree, Bree," Alice said condescendingly, "You sad, pathetic psycho. This is called a massive karmic bitch-slap for being such a first-class cow to my bestie. Sucks to be you, beeyatch."

I chuckled to myself, partly because I was enjoying seeing Bree being manhandled by the LAPD, and partly because Alice had just ruined her non-swearing 'G' rating.

"Alice, you do realize you've just cursed twice in that last statement, right?" I said with satisfaction. "I knew you couldn't censor yourself."

"What?" she said, spinning around to glare at me. "I did not curse."

"You said 'bitch' twice."

She rolled her eyes at me.

"'Bitch' is hardly a curse word, Edward," she said contemptuously, "It's like saying 'poop' or 'butt'."

"Uh huh," I said as I turned in my seat and yelled over my shoulder, "Jasper!?"

"What?" came the tired reply from the bedroom.

"Does it turn you on when Alice says 'bitch'."

I heard a faint groan before he replied, "Yes."

"What about 'poop' and 'butt'?"

He groaned again.

"Yes and yes."

"Jas, is there anything my sister says that DOESN'T turn you on?"

There was a long pause.

"No."

"Is there any point in her continuing this stupid non-swearing exercise then?"

Another pause.

"No."

"Oh, thank FUCK!!" Alice said loudly, her whole body visibly relaxing as she unleashed the full force of her potty mouth. "FUCK, FUCK, FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!"

She bent over and panted, resting her hands on her knees.

"That was the most aggravating fucking hour of my LIFE," she gasped. "How the motherfuck people express themselves without swearing I'll never fucking know. DON'T YOU EVER MAKE ME DO THAT AGAIN, DR. McMAGIC-FUCKING-SEX-FINGERS!! THAT SHIT WAS LIKE FUCKING TOTURE!"

"Alice," Jasper said in a strained voice from the bedroom, "You need to get back in here. Right. Now."

Alice flashed Bella and me an evil smirk.

"Later kids. The sex God calls. Just thought you'd like to see the anti-Christ finally getting her just desserts."

"Take your omelettes with you," I called after her, pointing to the oven. "I have a feeling Jasper's going to need the energy."

"Ooh, I hope they're not too hot," she said as she pulled the plates out of the oven and laid them on a tray. "I'd really like to see if I can eat this off of his..."

"ALICE!" I yelled desperately, "Too much information!!"

She smiled apologetically and grabbed some silverware.

"Oops. Sorry."

She grabbed the tray and headed toward the bedroom.

"Oh, Edward," she said as she turned back to me, "Don't forget that we have to go to that record company cocktail party tonight. You might need to go pick up your suit from the dry-cleaners."

"No problem," I answered automatically. "Hey, wait a minute! Alice! What cocktail party?"

She stopped and turned around. "You know, the one where they're going to congratulate you on the unbelievable sales of the new album. They're presenting you with a platinum disc, remember?"

I shook my head.

"No, I don't remember actually, and as it happens, Bella and I have plans for tonight."

"We do?" Bella said, slightly perplexed.

I practically growled at her as I pressed an outraged Godzy hard against her groin.

"Remember our...appointment," I said, glancing down at my swollen lap.

Her eyes widened in lust and understanding.

"Oh, yes, that's right. We do have plans. BIG plans. HUGE plans. GARGANTUAN plans," she said theatrically as she stared at Alice pointedly.

"Godzy approves of your adjectives," I said quietly.

"And I approve of Godzy," she whispered back with a grin.

I heard Alice huff in frustration.

"If you two think you can ditch a work commitment just to fuck like rabid teenagers, think again. I told you about this weeks' ago, Edward. I put it in the calendar in your phone and I sent you a memo about it. I also sent a reminder about it to your phone this morning."

"Alice," I said patiently, "how many times do I have to tell you? I ignore all the shit you send to my phone because most of the time you send me joke emails or video clips of cats playing the piano. If you want to communicate with me then tell me to my face."

"I did tell you to your face, Edward."

"Then why do I have no memory of it?"

"Uh...because you're an ex-junkie with the memory of a goldfish?"

She had me there.

I turned to Bella.

"Did you know about this?"

She frowned.

"I did but I thought it was next week."

Alice shook her head.

"No, next week is the cocktail party for the distribution outlets."

"I thought that was the following week," Bella said in confusion.

"No, the following week is the cocktail party for the promotional affiliates."

"Jesus, no wonder I'm confused," Bella said, rubbing her eyes. "Sorry, Edward, I should have checked the calendar more closely and reminded you."

I pulled her hands away from her face and kissed them.

"Don't worry about it. We won't have to be there long, will we Alice?"

"A couple of hours. Three, tops."

I sighed.

Christ, I hated these phony grandstanding bashes. I despised all the back-slapping and ass-kissing that went on - it made me fucking squirm in my skin - but I knew it had to be done, and if Bella was there with me, I'd at least be able to cope.

"Fine. I'll go pick up my suit."

"Bells," Alice said with a look of irrational excitement, "do you want to come shopping this afternoon for a new dress? There's a whole new range at The Design Studio that would look stunning on you."

Bella slumped slightly.

"Will you make me feel hideously guilty if I say no?"

"Yes."

"Then sure. I'd love to, Alice."

My sister beamed. I knew she hadn't been able to spend much time with Bella recently. Firstly because she had been cocooned in a sexual marathon with Jasper whenever she wasn't working, and secondly because I'd been monopolizing Bella selfishly ever since we got back to LA. I had a lot of lost time to make up and I was finally letting go of the clawing guilt about the time spent apart because of my stupidity.

I looked up at Bella. She was beaming back at Alice. I realized she had probably been missing my sister as well.

It was still remarkable to me that I wound up with the one person on the planet who loved my sister just as much as I did. Remarkable and wonderful.

"Okay, excellent," Alice said, looking like a fifteen-year-old whose best friend was coming for a sleep-over, "I'll meet you at The Design Studio in about an hour."

She walked into the bedroom and shut the door. The giggling and moaning started up almost immediately.

"Let's get out of here," I said suddenly, lifting Bella up and placing her on her feet. I really couldn't deal with hearing those two go at it again today. My brain was likely to completely liquefy and dribble out my tortured ears.

"Where are we going?" she asked as I grabbed my phone and keys and headed toward the door.

"Anywhere but here," I groaned as the volume from the bedroom increased.

"Oh," Bella said as she registered that she could hear Alice's dirty talk disturbingly clearly. "Right. Yes. Let's go."

She grabbed her purse and followed me down the hallway to the elevator. She looked at me quizzically when we got in and I punched the button for the parking garage.

"What?" I said innocently, "I thought you didn't want to see your mother? I'm taking us out the back way so you won't have to."

She wrapped her arms around my waist and stood on her toes so she could kiss me.

"Aw, Asstard. You do listen when I talk."

"Sometimes," I said as I kissed her back. "When you're not distracting me with your ridiculous body I can be quite attentive."

"Hmm," she said as she reached under my shirt and ran her hands over my stomach and chest, "Even when you're distracted by my body you can be quite attentive."

As usual, her touch shot sparks through me like she was an electrical transformer. You'd think I'd be desensitized to it by now, but no. Lust raged through me like a hungry animal, but I had a something to show her and unfortunately it had nothing to do with my needy arousal.

The elevator doors opened to the parking garage and I pulled her forward.

"Come on, Piss-Girl," I groaned as I tried to walk off the ache in my groin, "I have something to show you."

"Really?" she said seductively. "Are you going to get all kinky in this parking garage, Cullen? Because I have to let you know, I would totally be fine with that."

"I'm glad you feel that way because I'm pretty sure that what I'm about to show you is going to get you all kinds of hot."

I walked her down the rows of cars until we can to a stop in front of a black Porsche convertible.

Damn, that was a sexy car.

"What do you think?" I said as I gestured to it.

"Uh...I think it's a Porsche," she said dubiously.

"Well spotted, Miss Swan," I chuckled as I watched her face with fascination. "Do you like it?"

She looked the car over carefully.

"I think it's the sexiest car I've ever seen. Whose is it?" she asked carefully.

"Ours."

Her mouth dropped open and she stared at me in disbelief.

"Well, mine, technically," I amended as I saw her go practically catatonic, "because I'll be paying for it, but I bought it for us."

She looked from me to the car and then back to me again. She still hadn't said anything. In fact, I was pretty sure she wasn't breathing.

"Alice bought herself one too. Hers is yellow."

A small strangled noise came out of her throat.

"You...bought...a Porsche?" she stammered.

"Uh...yeah. I thought you'd like it."

She walked around to the passenger door and opened it, sliding into the leather seat and inhaling deeply.

"Oh my fucking God," she groaned as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back. "Just when I think the man can't get any more perfect, he does. A goddamn Porsche."

I chuckled and slid in behind the wheel, slipping the keys into the ignition and turning to look at her. She was breathing heavily and her face was frowning slightly.

_Jesus. I know that look. This car is turning her on._

I was suddenly jealous of a lump of expensive metal.

"Bella?"

She opened he eyes and turned to me.

"I take it you like the car?"

Before I knew what was happening she had leapt over the console and was straddling me, her mouth suddenly everywhere at once as her hands frantically unbuttoned my shirt.

"Jesus, Cullen," she panted as she sucked and bit at me, "Out of all the cars in the world, you choose the one car that I have always loved." She reached the last of my buttons and wrenched my shirt open, bending her head to kiss my chest. I let my head loll back as she attacked me, her hips pressing down on my erection desperately as her mouth and hands drove me insane.

"Risky Business didn't just get me worked up about subway sex," she panted as she came back to my mouth, her lips hovering just above mine, "It was the car too. Oh, God, Edward. The goddamn sexy-assed Porsche. I seriously need to fuck you in this car."

"Well," I said trying to keep the absolute elation out of my voice, "I have some dry-cleaning I need to pick-up, but sure. I could make time to get fucked."

She sounded serious. Who was I to argue?

She grabbed a huge handful of my hair roughly as she took my mouth in hers, her tongue doing things that felt way to good to be legal. My mind reeled as she continued to kiss me and rake her fingers over my body. My hands found her breasts and she moaned as reacted to her with equal hunger.

_Cullen, you are a car-buying genius._

Jesus, if I'd realized what sort of reaction she was going to have I'd have bought the damn thing months ago.

The leather beneath us squeaked and groaned as we pressed our bodies together, our hands grasping and desperate, tugging at the pesky fabric stopping us from being naked against each other. Our rough breathing bounced off the hard concrete walls, filling the air with gasps and moans and ragged breaths.

_God, I need to be inside her. Right the fuck now._

My hands had just started fumbling with the waistband of her jeans when I heard a booming voice call out from the darkness.

"Um...Mister Cullen?"

Bella and I froze, both of us panting and panicked.

"Yes?" I answered carefully.

The mystery person cleared his throat and I realized the voice was coming through a PA system hooked up on the far wall of the garage.

"It's Harold from security here, Mister Cullen. Um...I wanted to let you know that the parking garage is fitted with video surveillance...I can see everything you're doing. So...ah...you and Miss Swan may not want to do what I think you're going to do. Just thought I should let you know."

Bella slumped against me and buried her head in my neck.

_Goddamn it. Could the universe cockblock me any more today? I really don't think so._

"Ah...right. Thanks Harold!" I called out loudly.

"You're welcome, Mister Cullen. You folks have a nice day, now. I like your new car."

Bella crawled into the passenger seat and straightened up her clothes as I re-buttoned my shirt for the third time that day. We both stared at each other with incredulity and frustration as I started the engine and pulled the car out of the garage, my hands tense as I gripped the stick shift instead of her thigh.

I chuckled slightly as we passed over the speed hump and Bella looked at me and smiled.

"Well, Miss Swan," I said as I stopped at the cross street to our building, "Where would you like to go?"

She leaned over and kissed me before sitting back and clipping her seat belt.

"It doesn't matter," she said with a smile, "I'm with my beautiful man in his sexy car. You could take me anywhere and I'd be happy."

I pulled out into the traffic and headed toward Hollywood.

"Wanna go see if there's any of Bree's blood on the pavement where she was arrested?"

"That would be totes awesome!!"

I laughed and took her hand, bringing it up to my lips.

She was right. 'Where' didn't matter a whole lot. It was all about the 'who'.

***

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**Author Notes**

**Sooooo it's been coming for a while, and as much as ****I**** hate to say it (because it makes my heart sad), the next chapter will be the last for The Screamers. ****If you have any burning questions/issues/requests for what you'd like to see covered, now is the time to let me know.**

**Team Godzy members ****– I haven't forgotten about you. After the last chappie I will be writing you a completely hot sexual marathon. Have no fear.**

**I've posted a teaser for the fic that I'll be writing when Screamers is done, so if you haven't c****hecked it out yet, the link is on my profile. It's called The Diva Diaries and it's going to be a lot of fun.**

**Once again, thank you for reading. I love you all.**

**Reviews make my heart happy, if that's important to you.**

**Kiya x**


	37. The Beginning of the End

**Chapter Notes**

**Welcome back, sweet readers.**

**Now, before we start ****I**** just want to let you know that this WILL NOT be the last chapter of The Screamers. Asstard has been extremely chatty recently and so we'll have at least one more chapter after this one, if not two. **

**To my darling beta-goddess, Catty-Wan – If you ever want to know the extent of my love for you, simply substitute 'Kiya' for Edward and 'Catty-Wan' for Bella. Our love is epic.**

**Disclaimer: ****I**** don't own the Twilight characters. ****I**** do own Asstard and Piss-Girl though and ****I**** love them like my own children.**

**Last chapter: Bree was finally arrested, Alice & Jasper fucked themselves into oblivion, and Bella and Edward were cockblocked at every turn. Edward revealed that he had bought a new Porsche which made Bella all kinds of horny, and they avoided seeing Bella's mom because Bella still can't deal. Bella promised to go dress shopping with Alice before they all rock up to a cocktail party being thrown by Edward's record company in his honor.**

**Okee, on with the story.**

**Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 37 – The Beginning of the End**

**EPOV**

I looked down and smiled.

Bella's hand was on my crotch.

Of all the places Bella's hand could be, on my crotch was pretty much one of my favorites.

She was rubbing me through my jeans while I was trying seriously fucking hard to not crash a hundred-thousand-dollar sports car.

It was awesome.

"Bella," I groaned as she grabbed my now throbbing erection and squeezed, "Are you seriously trying to make me cum in my pants, because...well...I would be totally cool with that."

She laughed and leaned over, kissing my neck in a way that was not helping my concentration one goddamn bit.

"I just can't help myself," she whispered before sucking my earlobe into her mouth. "The only thing sexier than you and your magnificent boner is you and your magnificent boner driving this car. It makes me want to lick you all over. It makes me want to rip open your jeans and deep throat the hell out of you right here in the middle of traffic."

My leg twitched involuntarily, stamping my foot down on the gas and shooting the car forward. I pulled the wheel hard, swerving around a car in front of me with a huge squeal of tires before I managed to get myself back under control.

"Sorry!" I yelled out the window, "My girlfriend's filthy mouth is making me drive like a maniac!"

She chuckled and pushed her hand under my shirt, running her fingernails over my chest and abs, her fingertips trailing slowly across every ridge and groove. I groaned and exhaled, trying to resist the urge to stop in the middle of the intersection and fuck her vigorously and repeatedly.

"Bella, are you torturing me on purpose, or do you, in fact, intend on fucking me in the near future and taking away the god-awful ache in my balls?"

She went back to stroking Godzy. He purred like a fucking kitten.

"Well, that depends."

"On what?"

"On whether you can find a secluded spot where I can fuck you on the hood of this glorious car in the next twenty minutes before I have to meet Alice."

Jiminy motherfucking Cricket.

I gripped the steering wheel so hard my knuckles cracked. I looked around frantically, desperately searching for a side street or alley that would allow my hot-assed girlfriend to fulfill one of my most beloved sexual fantasies – the hood-fuck.

I was heading east on Hollywood Boulevard, and I just started taking random streets, hoping that I could find somewhere secluded enough to not get arrested.

"Edward, where are we going?"

I rolled my eyes at her. What a ridiculous question.

"To a secluded hood-fuck location. Where the hell do you think we're going?"

She shook her head. "You really do believe every word that comes out of my mouth, don't you?"

I glanced over at her in confusion. "I'm sorry, but the only words that registered with me were 'come' and 'mouth'. What are you trying to say?"

She laughed and removed her hand from my crotch.

My crotch immediately became immensely sad.

"Edward, there is no way I'm going to be able to hood-fuck you in the middle of the day. It's just not possible."

I pulled into a side street and screeched the car to halt, turning so I could fix my darkest glare on my girlfriend's incredulous yet absolutely fucking beautiful face.

"Bella," I said firmly, "You can't just dangle the concept of a hood-fuck in front of me and then expect me to act as if nothing happened. I'm a man. The hood-fuck is one of the five sexual Holy Grails we dream about from the time we're old enough to jizz in our sleep."

"What are the other four?" she asked with a smirk.

I held up my hand and ticked them off on my fingers.

"Fucking at a large public event, preferably the Super-Bowl; going down on us in a restaurant bathroom; tying you up and pleasuring you until you pass out; and last, but abso-fucking-lutely not least, watching you make-out with another woman, preferably Kate Winslet, Penelope Cruz, or the chick from Transformers."

Bella blinked at me, her mouth open.

"Is this seriously what you fantasize about?" she asked in disbelief.

I think I might have actually blushed.

"Yes, Bella," I said, trying to stand proudly behind my pervy fantasies, "Yes it is."

"Goddamn, Edward," she said softly, "that is so fucking hot."

"You're fucking hot," I countered, my eyes automatically drawn to her hardened nipples. "Now, let's get back to the important stuff. The hood-fuck?"

Her face cracked into a smile. "Baby, I love you, but it's not going to happen, no matter how much you pout."

"Bella, I do NOT fucking pout."

I ignored her repressed giggling and looked around.

"Look, this street is mostly deserted except for those guys over there doing construction and I'm pretty sure they would appreciate some lunch-time entertainment. So let's go, missy. Operation hood-fuck is in effect."

I climbed out of the car and walked around to the front, patting the hood invitingly and beckoning her with my finger.

Bella was guffawing loudly, her seat belt still clipped.

I sighed and walked around to her door, opening it and leaning across to unlatch her seatbelt before helping her out and slamming the door behind her.

The smile quickly faded from her face when I pushed her up against the side of the car and nudged my knee between her legs, pulling her face to mine and kissing the hell out of her as my body pressed against hers.

As soon as I pushed my tongue into her mouth she groaned loudly and grabbed my hair with one hand as her other reached underneath my shirt and caressed my back. Her fingers dug into my muscles, setting my skin on fire and turning Godzy into a rod of pure titanium. I responded by reaching a hand between us and pressing my fingers into the seam of her jeans. She writhed against me and pulled away from my face, panting heavily.

"Oh...Jesus," she groaned roughly.

"No, honey, it's just me...Edward," I smirked as my other hand came up to cup her breast. "But I can see how you might confuse us."

"Edward," she said as she grabbed my head and tugged my hair roughly, her hips pushing down hard onto my fingers, "we can't do this in the middle of the street."

"Really?" I said innocently, "Because it looks like we already are."

I circled my fingers, putting more pressure on them. She gasped and slapped the side of the car loudly as her head dropped back, her eyes squeezing shut in Asstard-inspired pleasure.

"Dammit, woman," I growled, leaning down so I could bury my face in her neck, "Watch the paint job for fuck's sake."

Bella started making the guttural noises that always accompanied her building orgasm, and I smiled that I could do this to her without even having her naked. Of course, my preference would be to have her naked. Always naked. Naked morning, naked noon, and naked night - all day, every day. Perpetually naked Bella.

Part of my perverted brain whispered that 'Perpetually Naked Bella' could be a white-hot reality show. The insanely-jealous part of my brain bitch-slapped inappropriate-reality-show-brain and told it that we don't fucking share naked Bella. Or fully-clothed Bella. Or Bella at all. In fact...oh, oh...hang on...

_Oh, Jesus. She's grabbing my ass and stroking Godzy simultaneously._

_Evil Edward-torturing woman. _

_Must. Fuck. Her. Now. _

"Bella?" I rasped, my voice low and desperate as I moved my fingers faster, watching proudly as the pleasure I was bringing her played across her face. "I'd really like to rip these jeans off of you and fuck you on the hood of my new car. Please let me."

"We can't, Edward," she moaned, her breathing becoming more and more uneven with every pass of my fingers, "Everyone can see us. They'll call the cops."

"You like what I'm doing to you, don't you?" I whispered into her ear.

Her eyes were closed and her breathing was shallow and ragged.

"Yes," she breathed, her hands reaching up into my hair and tugging hard as I kissed her neck hungrily.

"You'd like me to continue, wouldn't you? You'd like me to make you cum?"

She groaned again and opened her eyes. They were dark and intense.

"God, yes."

"Well,"' I said petulantly as I stepped away from her and put my hands on my hips, "I'd like a hood fuck but I guess that's not going to happen either, now is it? We'll both have to get used to disappointment."

It took a few moments for her to register that I had stopped touching her, but when she did, her glare made my balls suddenly fear for their lives and crawl back up inside my body.

"What. The. Fuck. Edward?"

I chuckled at her intense anger. She glared harder. I stopped chuckling. My balls started whimpering.

_Oh shit. Not a good move, Cullen. Not a good move at all._

_You're about to be so very and completely dead. And ball-less._

She advanced on me, a look of pure murder in her eyes.

"Now, come on, Bella," I said, holding my hands up as I backed away from her, "You've been torturing me all damn morning. Can't take a little bit of your own frustrating medicine huh, Piss-Girl?"

She growled and lunged at me.

Fortunately, the summer I'd spent learning ballroom dancing at Madame Regina's House of Hustle paid off and I quickly sashayed out of harm's way as we circled the car.

"Asstard, if you think it's acceptable to bring a girl to the brink of orgasm and then remove your ridiculously talented double-jointed sex-fingers, you're seriously fucking mistaken. Now stand still so I can kick your outrageously hot ass."

She snarled and lunged for me again.

I turned on my heel and ran.

Don't fucking laugh. Bella survived on the streets for THREE YEARS all by herself. That woman could scare the crap out of Freddy Kruger.

I sprinted down the street, really goddamn grateful that I had given up cigarettes and could run more than a few yards without sounding like an eighty-year old with emphysema. In fact over the past few months, Emmett had dragged me kicking and screaming into the world of physical fitness. If he was here right now I would kiss his ass. Not literally of course.

I could hear Bella chasing me, her footfalls heavy and determined.

She was fast, but I was faster.

I pumped my legs furiously, getting as much distance between us as possible before ducking into a side alley and stopping suddenly. It was a dead end.

_Shit_.

I was cornered.

I could hear Bella grunting in anger as she ran.

_Goodbye, balls. It was really nice knowing you._

I turned just as Bella rounded the corner. She looked around the alley and her eyes went wide.

"Now, Bella," I said nervously, "Let's just stop for a minute and talk about this. I really like my balls. Please don't rip them off."

"Oh my God," she said breathlessly, staring at the end of the alley.

_Okay, balls are still intact. So far, so good._

I turned around to see what she was looking at.

It was a door. An ordinary, dark-grey door about a hundred yards away.

I turned back to her. She was breathing heavily and had a strange expression on her face.

"Bella?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are you okay?"

She finally looked at me.

"I just can't believe where we ended up," she said quietly, "I never thought I'd see this place again."

I frowned. "Um...okay, you're going to need to give me more information because like the TV show of the same name, I'm lost."

"Come with me," she said, suddenly grabbing my hand and walking toward the mystery door, "I want to show you something."

As we walked further down the alley I noticed that the piles of garbage and boxes pressed up against the narrow walls weren't completely random. They were small collections of belongings shoved between plastic bags and bits of cardboard...and wedged in beside them were people so decrepit and filthy they were completely camouflaged against the refuse.

One of the piles moved as we passed, a pair of battered boots shuffling restlessly before stilling.

Suddenly a hacking cough rang out against the hard, high walls and I spun around to see a girl – a teenager by the look of her – huddled against the wall. Her face and hands were grimy, and I couldn't help but stare as she looked up at me with wary eyes. Her hand tightened around the backpack beside her, as if she was scared I would try to take it. Her blue eyes blazed at me and her face was set in defiant anger, warning me to walk away. But I couldn't look away. She looked so damned young, and her eyes were haunted, and scared, and practically begging me to leave her alone.

_Jesus_.

I remembered that look. I'd seen it months ago in brown eyes when I ran down an alley not dissimilar to this.

Bella tugged on my hand and I kept moving, my skin suddenly prickling at the realization of why she was surprised to find herself back here.

"Those people," I said quietly, "That girl. They...they live here don't they?"

Bella sighed and shook her head. "Not technically. They probably move around, but...this is where they currently sleep, yeah."

I looked back at the narrow, disgusting alley.

"Bella? Did you...I mean, when you were on the streets...did you used to...?"

"Yeah," she said softly, "I camped out here for a while. You know, back in the good old glamorous days when I used to eat garbage. Ah, good times."

I swallowed hard as I thought about her sleeping here – my beautiful Bella shoe-horned among the garbage and the stink. My hand squeezed hers and she turned to me and frowned.

"Cullen, if I see pity-face on you I'm going to rip your balls off after all."

I tried to push away the pain I felt on her behalf and offered her a smile.

"So that's all I have to do to get you actually touch my junk today? Good to know."

We reached the door and she pulled it open as a blast of stale air tinged with body odor and urine wafted over us.

"Bella, what is this place?" I asked as we descended a dimly-lit stairwell.

She stopped at the bottom and turned to me, gesturing to a large dining hall filled with people.

"This is Sanctuary," she said softly, "One of the few places in the city where the homeless are welcome."

She pulled me further into the room, every eye turning to us as we passed. I was suddenly hyper-aware that I was wearing a two-hundred-dollar shirt and a pair of designer combat-boots that cost as much as most people's monthly rent.

"This is the dining hall," she said, heading toward a small hallway. "People can get a decent meal here. Usually, because of demand, each person is only allowed one meal a day, but for most people on the streets, that's a luxury."

I looked at the food on people's trays as we passed. Soup, a small bowl of vegetables and a chunk of bread. Hardly luxurious to a spoiled dick like me, but probably ambrosia to someone who hasn't eaten in a week.

A thin woman with wild hair sneered at me as we passed. Bella tugged on my hand and I was reminded not to stare.

She pulled me down the hallway into a large office. Several small desks were arranged around the room. Two women sat opposite each other, talking quietly on the phone, asking for charitable donations.

As we entered, a tall, imposing middle-aged man looked up at Bella and smiled.

"Well, well, well, Miss Swan," he said, a look of warm surprise spreading across his face as he enveloped her in a hug, "I was beginning to think you had forgotten all about us. I haven't seen you in over a year."

"Hey, Dimitri," she said as she hugged him back, "I thought you'd be grateful to not have another mouth to feed."

"You were never just a mouth to feed, Bella," he said as he took both her hands in his, "You were like part of the family."

He looked over at me and held out his hand.

"Hi, I'm Dimitri Lenski, director of Sanctuary, pleased to meet you."

I took his hand and shook it as Bella rushed to say, "Oh, sorry. Dimitri this is...um...my boyfriend...Edward Cullen."

"Nice to meet you, Dimitri," I said, smiling as the man pumped my hand enthusiastically.

"The pleasure's all mine," he enthused. "I'm a big fan of your music, Mr. Cullen."

I laughed. "Really? Well, what I do feels pretty inconsequential compared to the work you're doing here."

He stopped shaking my hand and looked around the room.

"Well, we do the best we can with what we have," he said solemnly. "I heard through the grapevine that Bella had won the heart of a rock-star. It came as no surprise to me, of course. She's always been a very special girl."

Bella blushed as she said, "The grapevine, Dimitri? Does the grapevine have a name?"

Dimitri laughed and leaned back against the desk behind him.

"Who do you think?"

"Charlie?"

"Yep. He still comes in every week, but now he volunteers in the kitchen. It's wonderful to see him back on his feet. He tells me he owes that entirely to you."

Bella shook her head. "Not true. Charlie is a stubborn man, as you know. I merely offered to help him. He was the one who decided to turn his life around."

Dimitri nodded and smiled.

"Whatever the reason," he responded, "he looks wonderful. He's back on his meds and completely sober. I can't tell you how happy that makes me."

Bella smiled at him warmly. "Me too."

"Does that happen very often?" I asked, looking between them, "People getting off the streets and getting their lives back on track?"

Dimitri shook his head sadly. "Not often enough, Edward. We try our best to offer people support here, but there's only so much we can do."

He pushed off the desk and looked at me intently. "Would you like me to show you around?"

"Absolutely," I answered, taking Bella's hand. This place had been part of her past. I suddenly needed to know everything about it.

"And Bella?" Dimitri said over his shoulder as he led us down the hallway, "I think you know one of the volunteers here today."

Bella looked at me and raised her eyebrows.

Dimitri stopped as we reached the dining hall and gestured to the kitchen. "This is our most popular service. We cook three meals a day in our kitchen and serve as many people as possible. Most of our food is donated and all of our kitchen staff is volunteers. We serve food until we run out, which happens more often than we'd like."

I noticed the girl from the alley was lining up for food, her arms wrapped around herself as her eyes flittered around nervously. Her cough reverberated around the room. As we neared, her eyes came to rest on Dimitri and she waved at him, a slight smile lifting the corners of her mouth.

"Hey, Angela," he said warmly as he passed. "Welcome back. Don't forget to see the nurse about that cough before you go, okay?"

She nodded and moved forward in the line, her hands reaching out gratefully for the tray of food that was offered to her.

"One of our new regulars," Dimitri whispered, "She has an abusive father and an alcoholic mother. She's been on the streets since she was thirteen. I'm trying to convince her to go into foster care before something happens to her out there."

A flash of anger burst inside me.

That girl should be at her friend's house, talking about boys and watching DVDs. Her most pressing concern should be making good grades and deciding what college to go to. Hell, she was the age of most of 'the screamers' but had no idea who I was. Whereas most girls would be fawning all over me and begging for an autograph, she looked at me like I was a predator who wanted to steal her back-pack.

She shouldn't be struggling to survive on the streets without parents or food or a goddamn roof over her head. It was so fucking wrong it made my head swim.

None of these people should have to live like this.

Bella shouldn't have had to live like this.

I was suddenly inexplicably angry at myself for having so much and taking it for granted.

Dimitri stopped at the back of the room and pointed to double doors on the other side of the dining hall. "Through there is the washrooms. We provide toiletries and clean towels for our guests. They can come here and shower and shave – a rare luxury on the streets."

I looked at Bella and imagined her coming in here, filthy and desperate for a warm shower and hot meal. I suddenly needed to donate a shitload of cash to this place. Immediately.

"I'll show you the accommodations," Dimitri said as he led us down another hallway into a large, basketball-court sized room. "This is our 'Safe-sleep' wing."

"Safe-sleep?" I asked, looking around at the rows of modest single bunks.

Dimitri turned to me.

"Edward, what most people don't know or choose to ignore is that each night hundreds of people line our city streets and doorways in cardboard boxes and other makeshift shelters. Some suffer from mental illness, others deal with substance abuse and some are just shelter resistant. Some are there because they simply have nowhere else to go. Our job is to get them off the streets. We offer clean, comfortable beds to our guests on a nightly basis, and we have a special section for parents with children."

A huge lump formed in my throat. "Families?"

"Unfortunately, yes. For whatever reason, some families can't afford a permanent residence and end up on the streets. Although our accommodation isn't glamorous, it's clean and warm and safe, and for parents with young children, safety is their main concern."

My brain struggled to comprehend trying to bring up children without a home. I couldn't.

Bella must have read my face, because she squeezed my hand.

In theory I knew what she had faced in the time before she met me, but in reality, I had no fucking clue. Most Americans wouldn't. We're all so wrapped up in our own lives we don't stop to think about the people who would be grateful to have one small fraction of our good fortune.

"You stayed here?" I asked Bella softly.

"Yes," she answered, stroking my hand as she felt my tension mounting, "But most of the time there weren't enough beds, and there were people who needed it far more than I did. That's one of the reasons I stopped coming."

I looked around the room. There must have been fifty beds lining the walls, and that wasn't enough. I grit my teeth against the grim realization.

Dimitri pointed to the far end of the room. "Down there is our infirmary. We have a nurse who can treat most common ailments, and if necessary we have a doctor on-call for medical emergencies. We also have our substance abuse and psychiatric counselling rooms down there, and three days a week a qualified teacher is here to help those wanting to further their education. Angela is currently studying for her high school diploma."

My mind was struggling to comprehend it all.

"How can you afford all of these services?" I asked incredulously.

Dimitri laughed.

"We can't. Most of our staff consists of volunteers, and we use the money we receive from our donors to buy things like medical supplies, books and toys for the children." He looked at me and I could see the frustration he felt at not being able to do more. "We do the best we can, Edward. Unfortunately, it's never enough."

He led us out of the room and down a flight of steps.

"Down here is our clothing bank. Guests can choose new clothes, shoes...sometimes blankets if we have them available." He stopped at the door and looked at Bella. "I think you'll be surprised at who is currently coordinating the bank," he said as he pushed open the door.

He let Bella and me enter first before calling out, "Hey, Renee! Look who I found wandering around."

_Renee_?

"If it's Mikey Newton," a familiar voice called back, "tell him I've mended and washed his pants so he can stop running around in his underwear."

Renee pushed through a door at the back of the room, her arms full of folded clothes. She looked up and saw Bella and me. She immediately froze.

"Uh...hi," she said tentatively.

"Mom?" Bella said in disbelief, "What are you doing here?"

Renee stared for a few moments before carefully putting the clothes in various plastic tubs, moving slowly and self-consciously as Bella watched. "Uh...I found this place when I was looking for you. They seemed to need an extra pair of hands so I started volunteering."

Bella stared at her and blinked. "How long have you been coming here?"

Renee finished her sorting and looked up nervously. "Almost six months. Dimitri told me you used to come in sometimes and, well...I guess part of me thought you might walk through the door one day."

Bella's jaw clenched.

"You never did of course, but just the possibility of seeing you kept me coming back every week."

"And now?" Bella asked softly, "What keeps you coming back?"

Renee smiled at her. "Now I come here because they need me, and I can help take care of someone else's daughter, even if I couldn't take care of my own."

I watched Bella swallow heavily. Her face was impassive and I could tell she was trying to push down her emotions. She looked at Renee for a long time, unable to say anything.

The uncomfortable silence was broken when Dimitri said, "Well, you know, Bella, we could always use another set of hands around here. Perhaps you could help Renee make a dent in sorting through the piles of donated clothing?"

Both Renee and Bella immediately turned to look at him, a slight hint of panic playing across both of their faces.

I had a feeling Dimitri was very good at conflict management. He smiled calmly at them both, raising his eyebrows.

"Ah, I can't," Bella stammered, suddenly finding something fascinating about her shoes. "I mean, I would, but...um...I have to go. I mean, I don't want to go but...I'm meeting a friend shortly. Sorry."

"That's fine," Renee said soothingly, nodding her head, "Perhaps another time."

Bella took my hand and started stroking it, which was strange because I obviously wasn't the one freaking out. I ran my thumb across the back of her hand and she sighed before looking up at me pleadingly.

I knew she wanted to leave. I think the last person she expected to see here was her mother, and considering that she had been avoiding her for weeks, I guess she wasn't ready to extend the olive branch just yet.

"Well," I said turning to Dimitri and shaking his hand, "we'd better get going. Thank you so much for the tour Dimitri. Is it okay if...ah...I call you next week? I'd really like to talk about how I can help."

Dimitri squeezed my hand firmly before pulling out his wallet and handing me a card with his contact details. "That would be terrific, Edward. Any help at all would be greatly appreciated."

I nodded and put his card in my pocket, smiling as I promised, "I'll call you Monday."

I turned to Renee and took Bella's hand in mine. It was slightly clammy.

"Bye, Renee. Nice to see you again."

"Yes," she smiled, "It's been so long since we saw each other this morning."

I chuckled as Bella said goodbye to Dimitri, before turning to Renee.

"Bye...Mom," she said uncomfortably. "I'm..." She took a deep breath and released it slowly. I smiled. Emmett's serenity counseling was obviously rubbing off on her too.

She looked up her mother and said calmly, "I'm really happy you're helping out here. It...well...it means a lot to me."

Renee's eyes crinkled and I could tell she was touched. "Maybe I'll see you around?" she said hopefully.

Bella nodded, swallowing hard as she pulled me toward the door. Just before we went up the stairs she turned back to Renee and said, "Maybe I'll see you next weekend...if you're here that is. I'd really like to help. This place did so much for me when I had nothing. I'd like to give something back."

Renee smiled, swallowing hard as moisture sprang to her eyes. "Well I usually sit on a park bench on Saturday mornings, but after that? I'll be here," she whispered. "I'd like to give something back too."

"Great," Bella said, nodding slightly to herself. "Maybe I'll see you then."

I smiled to myself about the unexpected turn of events as we headed up the stairs and back out into the street. Every time I thought I couldn't love Bella any more, she found a way to make me.

"Did you mean what you said to Dimitri," she asked as the nondescript grey door closed behind us. "You want to do something to help this place?"

"Absolutely," I answered, my mind churning, trying desperately to calculate exactly how much money it would take to make sure every person who walked through the doors got three meals a day, every day, for as long as they needed. "I mean, apart from donating money, which I fully intend to do, I'm thinking that maybe I can do a benefit concert...get some other famous faces to come on board? Maybe even allocate a portion of my record sales."

Bella stopped me as we exited the alley and looked up into my face.

"Edward," she said with the most heart-breaking look of gratitude, "that would be...Jesus, you have no idea how incredible that would be...what a difference that sort of exposure would make to this place." She put her hand on my chest and sighed, "Thank you."

I stroked her face and she leaned into my hand, closing her eyes and drawing in a ragged breath.

"God, please don't thank me, Bella," I rasped as I looked at her, silently thanking every deity who was listening for letting me love her, "It's the absolute least I can do. I wish I'd known about this place a long time ago. Maybe if I had...you wouldn't have had to..." I closed my eyes as the image of Bella sleeping amidst the garbage bombarded me again. "Maybe there would have been enough beds. For everyone."

If there'd been enough beds maybe Bella wouldn't have succumbed to James. If I could help fix this, maybe I can help someone like Angela never have to make that same choice.

I felt her fingers on my face and opened my eyes to see her staring at me with so much love I thought my thundering heart would crack my ribcage. She stood on her toes and kissed me, her lips soft and warm, thankful and understanding, telling me to stop punishing myself without actually saying the words.

"I've decided to come back next week," she said as she pulled back and wrapped her arms around my neck. "It looks like they really need the help."

"I think that's a great idea," I said, smiling, pushing her hair back from her face and tracing the soft skin on her neck. "Will you be okay working alongside Renee?"

She swallowed and looked down.

"Yeah...I think so. I think it will be good...for both of us."

I pulled her into me, holding her close as I marveled again at what an incredible person she was. She had taken everything life had thrown at her – abuse, homelessness, humiliation, manipulation – and survived it, becoming the strongest person I'd ever met in the process.

Despite everything, she was going to take the first step to having a relationship with her mother. I had no misconceptions that they would be braiding each other's hair in the near future, but at least it was a start. It seemed only fitting that they should bond in a place like this – a place whose sole purpose was to help people.

It seemed Sanctuary didn't just help the homeless.

***

After I dropped Bella off, my mood turned sour very quickly.

I knew very well that my sister would hold her hostage for as long as possible, so I went back to the apartment, sulking at having my girlfriend shop-napped by the evil small person.

_Damn you, Alice._

I understood and accepted that I had to share Bella with other people every now and then, but it didn't mean I had to fucking like it.

Being separated from her always filled me with a squirming unease.

I'd heard stories about war veterans who'd had limbs amputated getting phantom itches on skin that was no longer there. That's how I felt when I wasn't with Bella. It was like there was a mystery piece of myself missing and it ached and itched like hell for her.

When she _was_ with me of course I itched for her in a completely different way, but I figured that was because she was fucking gorgeous and the most sexy and remarkable woman on the planet. Any red-blooded male would itch for her.

But the separation-itch? That was the worst.

Needless to say when I got back to my Bella-less apartment feeling restless and disgruntled, Jasper noticed and ordered immediate therapy.

His recommended treatment was to force me to play Band Hero for a couple of hours. His reasoning, in theory, was that the challenge of playing the game would keep my brain so occupied it would limit my ability to sulk, but the reality was that my phantom itch was constant and insistent and would not be denied. I knew damn well that the _real_ reason he wanted to play was because he desired to live out his lifelong fantasy of being a rock and roll drummer, and he needed me to be his wingman so he wouldn't have to be completely pathetic and play in a rock band of one.

So I decided to humor him. After all, it wasn't like I had anything else to do...like my girlfriend.

We called our band 'Sucks To Be Us' and cranked out some rocking tunes. Jasper pounded the plastic drum-kit like his life depended on it, and every time we got five stars, he'd stand up and wave to the non-existent crowd, twirling his drumsticks and scowling like the bad-ass he so very much wasn't.

It was hilarious to see my straight-laced former-therapist give himself over to such a juvenile past-time with such earnest dedication.

I almost exploded from suppressing my hysterical laughter.

After we'd been playing for about an hour, I asked if he wanted to play guitar while I had a go at the drums. I might as well have been asking him to stop humping the hell out of my sister. His look of extreme incredulity and disdain told me he'd rather cut off his left nad than give up those drums.

The boy had it bad.

"Okay, Jas, I think that's enough for now," I said finally when my wrist started cramping up. I mean, Jesus, I was a rock-star in real-life. I didn't really need to _pretend_ to be one in virtual reality too. It was just too damn draining.

Jas grumbled briefly before deciding to continue playing by himself.

So sad.

I left him banging the hell out of 'You Give Love A Bad Name' on his little rubber drum pads as I stalked into my bedroom and shut the door.

My restless craving for my girlfriend was not helped at all when I got a text message from Alice saying they'd be at least another hour because Bella had just requested they go to another shop.

_Damn, fuck, shit, son-of-a-bitch, crap!!!_

I flopped down on the bed and groaned.

I grabbed my phone and texted my shop-a-holic girlfriend.

_'Swan, staying away from me for this long is un-fucking-acceptable. Get your ass back here please."_

I pressed 'send' and waited impatiently, tapping my boots together spasmodically and annoying the crap out of myself.

A few minutes later I got a reply.

_'Cullen, if you knew where I was and what I was doing, you wouldn't be so keen for me to leave.'_

I frowned and punched in a new message.

_'What the fuck does that mean?'_

My phone beeped with her response.

_'They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Stand by for my explanation.'_

Almost immediately another message came through and when I opened it I gasped and nearly fell off the bed. It was a picture of Bella wearing the sexiest fucking lingerie I'd ever seen. It was lacy and flowery and blue and sinfully tiny.

Godzy automatically got remarkably and painfully solid.

_She was shopping for lingerie? Fuck me dead._

_'Shopping delay approved, but you MUST send me pics of whatever you try on. Immediately. Or sooner if possible.'_

She responded, '_As you wish, love of my life, but don't you dare fuck yourself while you look at these pics. I want you desperate and horny when I get home.'_

I laughed to myself.

_'Swan, when I'm around you, I'm constantly desperate and horny. Don't you know that by now?'_

She responded by sending me a pic of her in a black bra and matching thong, her eyebrow arched as she pushed her boobs together.

_Evil tease._

The next half hour was spent ogling a range of wood-inspiring ensembles that made Godzy want to stand up and applaud, and it wasn't long before it I was desperate to relieve the throbbing ache in my groin.

I had just unbuttoned my jeans and wrapped my fingers around my needy erection when I got a text from Bella that said, _'If you don't leave your cock alone I will not feel inclined to honor our blow-job appointment later tonight. Think carefully before you fuck that hand, Cullen.'_

_Dammit all to hell. She knew me too well._

I groaned and shoved Godzy back into my pants, giving him a gentle sympathy squeeze as he screamed in frustration.

I texted her back.

_'Okay, shopping time is officially fucking over. Get your ass back here, Piss-Girl. Now.'_

_'Feeling frustrated, lover? Hold that thought. On my way now.'_

I chuckled as I stood up, adjusting a still-hard Godzy as I walked into the music room. I figured I'd spend time writing some new material while I waited impatiently.

Weird that I thought of this place as home. Although I was comfortable in this apartment, it was only home because Bella was here. Alice chose this apartment while I was...away.

Okay, 'away' is a completely beige description of what I was at that time. I was actually out of my fucking mind and trying to convince myself that I could live without Bella which now seemed so staggeringly inconceivable I was ashamed to even admit I'd considered it.

The point is, although all my belongings were here in this generically stylish, rented apartment, I kind of longed a place that was all about Bella and me. A place that we had chosen together.

Plus I really wanted her to have a place that she loved, that she could put her own stamp on. She was on the streets for so long with nothing, and the one thing I wanted to give her for the rest of her life was everything. Everything she'd never had.

I put that desire in my mental 'to do' file as I sat down at the piano and began to play, my fingers and ears working together to find a progression of chords that appealed to me.

Funnily enough, I started writing a song called 'Home' while I pictured Bella's face.

***

An hour and a half later, the girls still hadn't gotten back and I was really starting to get worried. The record company cocktail party was tonight and they were cutting it fine.

As if on cue my phone lit up with Alice's number.

"Alice, where the fuck are you? We have to leave for the cocktail party in forty-five minutes."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We're stuck on Laurel Canyon. There's been an accident and there's no way to get around it. Honey, you're going to have to go to the party by yourself and Bella and I will join you when we can."

I groaned and dropped my head. Alice knew how much I fucking hated these things, and now she was expecting me to show up alone?

"Alice," I whined like the five year old girl I apparently was, "can't I just wait for you to get home and then we'll all go together?"

"No, Edward. This party is for you. It will look really fucking bad if the guest of honor isn't there. We won't be that long. Even you can manage for an hour or so without your security-Bella.

I pouted in spite of myself and was very tempted to stamp my foot and yell 'don't wanna!'

Instead I sighed resignedly.

"Fine. But you'd better hurry up or I'm likely to be bored to death by the time you arrive."

She laughed.

"I'm sure you'll cope. People will be crawling over each other to tell you how good you are and how much they love you. How could you possibly get bored with that?"

Easily. I was only interested in hearing one person say she loved me, and I'd been apart from her for far too fucking long for one day.

"Hang on, Edward," Alice said, pulling the phone away from her mouth. I could hear Bella's voice in the background, and then Alice mumbled, "Ugh, if I have to." She came back and said, "Bella wants me to tell you she loves you and she misses you and she'll see you soon."

I smiled.

_Not soon enough, beautiful girl._

I hung up and reluctantly got ready, taking my time as I psyched myself into an evening of mild small-talk torture.

An hour later I arrived at a mansion in the Hollywood Hills, the long driveway lined with thousands of fairy lights.

As I pulled up I could hear my music blasting from the sound system as a red-jacketed valet took the keys to the Porsche.

I approached the door and a young, blonde woman came over to me and held out her hand.

"Hi, Edward, I'm Jane from the record company. Alice called and said she'd be late so I'll take care of you for a while if that's okay?"

I shook her hand and smiled. She wasn't Bella but then again, no-one was.

"Hi, Jane, nice to meet you. Uh, great. You lead and I'll follow."

She opened the door and led me into the party. Hundreds of people filled the large entrance hall and spilled out to the pool area at the back of the house, and most of them looked at me as I entered. I felt like an insect under a microscope.

"Hey, everyone," I said self-consciously as I waved lamely, "Great to see you all."

_I have no idea who any of you are, and if I'm really lucky, none of you will be creepy stalkers who want to keep me in a cage in your basement._

_Alice, bring me Bella. Right the fuck now, please._

I took a few deep breaths to counteract my rising anxiety. I really needed to have a session with Emmett. That is, if I could pry him off Rosalie for five seconds, of course.

"Let me show you around," Jane said as she led me through the house, "We recently bought this property from one of our clients for events like this. It's a fantastic venue for entertaining."

I had to admit, the house was fucking awesome. It was spacious and modern without feeling cold, and it had a real sense of character about it.

As we walked out onto the terrace, I got a very clear image of Bella lying beside the pool in a bikini, but quickly squashed it before Godzy could form an opinion and make my time with young Jane as embarrassing as all hell.

Over the next hour Jane introduced me to what seemed like every single person at the party. They all congratulated me and said complimentary things about my music, and although I tried my best to interact with them enthusiastically, I'm pretty sure I came off like an uptight asshole. If Bella was here I'd be energetic and confident. As it was, my face was sore from smiling, my throat was sore from overusing my fake laugh and my shoulder was all but dislocated from being slapped so often.

I was over it.

All I wanted was to find Bella, bury my face in her neck and inhale for about two hours, and then the desperate urge I currently had to pull all my skin off might leave me.

I raked my fingers through my hair and sighed heavily. Jane touched my arm with concern.

"Edward? Are you alright?"

I gave her what I thought was a reassuring smile. She recoiled in horror.

"Oh, jeez, are you going to vomit?" she asked appalled, stepping away from me warily.

_Note to self: Work on your reassuring smile in the mirror. You're obviously not doing it right._

"No, Jane, I'm fine," I said quickly, "I just...I need to take a break for a minute. I need a drink."

She immediately looked contrite.

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry. I should have gotten you something. What an idiot! What would you like? Beer, wine? Whiskey?"

_Fuck. I would murder a beer right about now. But alas, there is no drinks tray on the wagon._

I patted her shoulder and laughed.

"You don't need to get me anything. I'll be back in a little while, okay?"

_Yeah, like two or three hours._

She smiled and sighed.

"Oh, okay, sure. They'll be making the presentation of your platinum album in about a half an hour. Take your time."

I weaved my way through the crowd until I reached the pool terrace. There were less people out here and the cool night air washed over me as I made my way to the bar.

"Coke please."

The bartender looked around cautiously.

"Uh...I'm sorry, Mr Cullen, I've been told to not give you narcotics."

I stared at him in disbelief.

_Shit. I shouldn't be surprised. It's a music party in L.A. Of course there are drugs available._

"That's okay," I said with a smile, "I actually just want a drink. Of Coke. A-Cola."

The bartender laughed before handing me a tall glass of Coke with ice.

I was just about to take a sip when I heard a hideously familiar voice behind me.

"O...M...G!! Edward Cullen! I totes haven't seen you in, like, forever! Have you, like, dumped your skanky girlfriend yet? Because you and I should totes hook up!"

I closed my eyes.

_Oh, God, no. It can't be. She was arrested. I saw it on the news. Please let the world swallow me up into a pit of fiery lava so I don't have to deal with her._

I clenched my jaw and slowly turned around, only to be confronted by the smirking face of my smart-ass, drop-dead gorgeous girlfriend.

I sighed loudly with relief as she doubled over with laughter.

"Swan," I said dangerously as walked to her and wrapped my arm around her waist, "that was _not _fucking funny."

She giggled and nodded.

"Oh, yes it was. You should have seen yourself. Your whole body tensed up. Even your butt-cheeks clenched."

I sputtered, "That's because I was seconds away from busting out my Karate moves and messing you up, old school."

She laughed harder.

"Cullen, you don't know Karate," she said incredulously.

"Yes, I do," I insisted, "I studied it for a year at the beginning of high school. I...well...I got picked on because I was short and scrawny. My father thought I should be able to defend myself."

She stopped laughing and shook her head in disbelief.

"I really can't imagine you as short and scrawny."

I smirked at her.

"Well, obviously, I got tall and brawny, but I wasn't always the magnificent sex-God you know and love."

"Lies," she gasped, "I choose to believe you came out of the womb with that panty-dropping face and body. Don't ruin the fantasy."

"My mother would be distressed at the thought of giving birth to a heavily muscled six-foot two man, Swan."

"Cullen, what did I just say about ruining the fantasy?" she chided as she grabbed my face and squeezed.

_God, I really needed to introduce Bella to my parents soon. They're gonna love the hell out of her._

I smiled and fixed her with my sexiest stare, waggling my eyebrows suggestively.

She retaliated by stepping away from me and stealing my Coke, looking up at me sexily as she sipped it and licked her lips.

I shook my head and shoved my hands in my pockets to hide my growing erection as I took time to really look at what she was wearing.

Jee-zuz.

Her blouse was sparkly and hung off one shoulder, and I almost groaned as I realized she wasn't wearing a bra underneath it. On the bottom half was a dick-hardeningly short leather mini-skirt that revealed acres of thigh, and to top it all off she had on a pair of shoes that I'm pretty sure I needed her to keep on when I fucked her later.

"Christ, Swan," I rasped, trying to form a sentence that wasn't made up entirely of incoherent vowel sounds, "What the hell are you trying to do to me wearing an outfit like that?"

She raised her eyebrows and smirked. "I was trying to turn you on, Cullen. Did it work?"

I walked over to her and pulled her against my body, clenching my jaw as her stomach rubbed against my erection.

"What do you think?"

She reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck, sighing as she looked at me.

"I think you're the sexiest damn man to walk the planet," she whispered as her hand trailed down my throat and played with my chest hair, "and I need to do indecent things to your body right the fuck now.

I groaned before looking around.

"Come with me," I growled as I grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the pool house, depositing the glass of Coke on a table as we passed. I'm pretty sure people were watching us – after all she was the sexiest woman on earth and I was a rock-star sporting massive wood – but at that point, I really didn't care.

I tried the pool-house door and thank fuck it was unlocked because if I didn't get my hands on her skin immediately I was going to lose my mind.

I yanked her inside and slammed and locked the door, flicking on the light switch quickly and turning to face her.

I pushed her back against the door and kissed her, sucking at her lips hungrily as she grabbed my head and pulled my hair.

"Fuck, yes," I groaned, my heart racing as my skin burned against hers, "I love it when you pull my hair."

I pushed my tongue into her mouth and she moaned loudly, her own tongue hot and demanding and ravenous in response.

God, her mouth. I would never tire of exploring her mouth. So warm and delicious and able to set fire to my entire body in a matter of seconds.

I reached under her shirt and palmed her bare breasts, her nipples hard and taut against the heel of my hands. She gasped as I pinched her nipples gently and pushed my erection into her hip, unable to stop myself from grinding against her to relieve some of the god-awful ache that had inhabited my groin for most of the day.

"Holy shit, Edward," she gasped as I rubbed against her, "You could hammer in nails with that thing."

"Tell me about it," I moaned as I moved my mouth to her neck, "he's been hard for you all damn day. Apparently painfully permanent wood is one of the pitfalls of having such a fucking hot girlfriend."

"Did he like the pictures I sent you earlier," she panted, pushing my jacket off my shoulders.

"He fucking loved them," I answered, my lips moving down her neck as my hands caressed her incredible breasts. "Please tell me you're wearing that black thong right now."

"No," she said, gasping as she unbuttoned my shirt and ripped it open, "I'm not wearing any underwear."

I froze.

My breath stopped in my lungs.

My hands stopped moving against her breasts.

"Bella?" I said in a strangled voice I barely recognized as my own, "Are you telling me that Giney is naked under that fucking tiny skirt?"

She ran her hands slowly over my chest and down my abdomen as she looked up at me, her eyes dark, and needy, and sexy as all hell.

"Totally naked," she said softly as her hand grazed over Godzy through my pants, her fingers squeezing him and running along his length, "And I got a Brazillian today, so Giney is not only naked, she's also completely bare.

I dropped my head to her shoulder and tried to breathe.

_Jesus fuck._

How was it possible that she was able to completely incapacitate me with just a few words?

I sucked in a huge lungful of air as my right hand trailed slowly down her body, skimming over the smooth skin of her stomach before dipping further, grabbing the small swathe of leather and pulling it up.

Her hand stilled on my erection, her eyes snapping to mine as my hand searched for the warm heaven at the top of her thighs.

Her eyes closed in wonder as I found her, warm and soft and fucking perfect. My fingers moved across her easily, slick and sure as she moaned in response.

"Jesus, Edward, your fingers," she sighed, her eyes still closed, "Your goddamn amazing sex-fingers."

I circled my fingers around the precise spot that I knew so well. The spot that made her groan at the back of her throat and grasp at my body. The spot that made all her muscles tense and coil and tighten.

"Oh, God," she moaned, her eyes opening and fixing on mine, "Oh, God, yes, Edward. There. Yes. Shit. Right there."

I bent down to kiss her as I continued stroking, her body writhing against me as my fingers coaxed pleasure from her, wrapping the tendrils of her orgasm around them and tugging gently, trying to get her to unravel for me.

She kept her eyes on mine, unflinching and fiery as her breathing got more and more ragged.

"Oh, God, yes, Edward. Please...don't stop. Oh...God. Don't stop."

My heart was racing as I coaxed pleasure from her, manipulating the soft, swollen flesh as her eyes blazed into me and her hands touched every part of me she could reach.

_Soft. Warm. Beautiful._

"God, Bella," I groaned, "I love watching your face when I touch you. I love seeing what I do to you."

Her eyes stayed on mine as my fingers moved across her, circling, tighter and tighter, slowly adding more pressure, more speed. Her face crumbled in concentration as her mouth dropped open and small moans spilled out of her, every single one more beautiful than any other sound in the world.

Her breath was coming in short gasps and I knew she was close. I reached up and cupped her breast, gently squeezing her nipple with my thumb and forefinger as I willed her to cum.

"Oh, God..." she gasped, "Oh, Jesus...Edward....yes, God....oh, yes."

Her eyes went wide and she grabbed the back of my neck, pulling my face to hers roughly, her mouth closing over mine as she screamed her orgasm into our kiss. I kissed her deeply, passionately, still moving my fingers, giving her every last drop of pleasure I could before the ecstatic spasms waned. She kissed me back, desperately, her moans slowly becoming softer as the heavy weight of satisfaction settled in her muscles.

I pulled my hand away and licked my fingers carefully, loving the look on her face as she watched me. When the last traces of her were gone I pulled her against me, her body languid and sated, heavy and grateful.

"God, you're incredible," she sighed, gently nudging my chest with her nose and breathing me in. "That was...oh, fuck...that was...I can't even tell you how good that was. Thank you."

I smiled and reached down to smooth her tiny skirt back into place. "It was the least I could do. I mean with you being all panty-less and all."

"Hmm..." she murmured as she kissed me gently, "I'll never wear panties again.

I swallowed hard as the thought of a permanently panty-less Bella rampaged through my brain. The words 'easy access' started playing on a loop in my imagination with accompanying pornographic images.

"Swan, I can't even tell you what a fucking awesome idea that is."

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Edward!"

Shit. Alice.

"I know you're in there!"

"No I'm not!" I yelled uselessly.

"It's nearly time for the presentation. Get your ass out of there, please. You too, Bella."

"I'm not here either," she called, breaking into a fit of giggles. I chuckled with her.

"Oh, you two are fucking hilarious. You should have your own talk show," Alice called through the door. "PLAYTIME IS FUCKING OVER!! HURRY UP!!"

"We'll be right out," I groaned.

I started doing up the buttons on my shirt.

_Dammit, how many times had I been semi-naked today without getting any satisfaction? Talk about blue-balls. Mine were fucking purple by now._

Bella put her hands over mine and stopped me.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asked, incredulous, undoing the buttons again and running her hands over my chest.

_Okay, that is doing NOTHING to help relieve my aching balls._

"Um...I'm getting dressed?" I said, stilling her hand because, quite frankly, she was driving me fucking insane, "Unless you think I should accept my platinum record shirtless?"

She raked her eyes over my chest and groaned.

"I vote you do everything shirtless," she said as she spun me around so my back was against the door, her hands running over my muscles hungrily, "because, quite frankly, Edward, your chest is one of the wonders of the modern world. But that's not the point."

I groaned as her hands continued to torture me.

"Then what is the point?" I panted.

"The point is, you're not going out there just yet."

"I'm not?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's time."

I frowned.

"Time for the presentation?"

"No."

"Then what's it time for?"

God, I was so confused. Her hands were killing me with pleasure and my cock was throbbing and threatening to explode in my pants and I couldn't breathe and everything ached.

I looked at her desperately.

She smirked and started undoing my pants.

_Oh_.

_Fuck_.

I looked at my watch.

Yep. Sure enough.

It was eight thirty.

_God bless my woman and her unwavering sense of duty!_

She quickly pulled down my pants and boxers, kneeling in front of me as she eyeballed a stiff and proud Godzy with obvious lust.

"Hello, sweetheart," she said, talking directly to my cock, "I've missed you."

I guess it would have been weird if it wasn't _so fucking hot!!_

She placed her hands on my hips and just looked at him, her eyes devouring every inch of skin, studying him like he was a rare, beautiful creature.

I leaned back against the door and groaned.

_Was it possible to cum from someone just looking at you? If she kept this up I was certainly going to find out._

I felt like a bottle of soda that had been shaken up all day long, thousands of bubbles of pressure compressing and squeezing, pushing upwards, desperately searching for release. It really wasn't going to take much to get me to explode. I ached for it.

"Bella," I moaned pathetically, "I need you. Godzy needs you. Please."

She smiled and stroked me gently, her fingertips barely grazing the sensitive skin.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuck," I groaned as I closed my eyes.

_Soft fingers. Jesus, Bella. Touch me. God, yes._

"Edward, this morning you bragged you could last three minutes," she teased as her fingers wrapped around me and squeezed gently, "Do you still stand by that estimate?"

I tried to get myself under control but my body was raging; surging and turbulent under her touch. I could barely concentrate on what she was saying.

"Three minutes?" I rasped as I squeezed my eyes shut, my fingernails digging into the door, "I'm not going to last three seconds."

"Open your eyes," she ordered softly.

I opened my eyes and looked down at her. Her eyes met mine as her tongue ran around Godzy's head, causing a jolt of pure pleasure to rocket through me, making my whole body convulse.

"Fuck....Bella," I groaned.

Her eyes were heavy and dark and blazing with desire to please me.

Me. The man she loved. The man she had chosen to be with.

Me. No one else.

Me, me, motherfucking lucky me.

Hell, yes.

I groaned again.

"Edward," she said in a voice that was one part breathy, two parts I'm-about-to-rock-your-fucking-world, "I want you to watch when I take you in my mouth. All of you."

_Fuck. Do not cum, Cullen. Don't you dare fucking cum._

She opened her mouth and licked the length of me, every inch of skin screaming and throbbing as her tongue ran over it, wet and warm and unbelievably agile.

God, her tongue was beautiful. Her lips were beautiful. Her eyes looking up at me all brown and perfect and full of love and lust were beautiful.

Her fingers gripped me loosely and pumped gently as her tongue continued to explore every hard inch, low hums of satisfaction vibrating excruciatingly as she pressed her lips against me.

"Ohhhh, God," I murmured as my nerve endings crackled and burned with jolts of pleasure, my heart pounding erratically as I watched her slowly and reverently lick and kiss me all over. I could feel my heartbeat echoed in a steady rhythm that thrummed through me; electric and insistent, filling me up until there was no more room for anything else.

"Edward," she sighed as she tightened her fist around me, a smug smile lighting her face as I moaned in response, "You have the most beautiful cock I've ever seen. I need to have it. Now."

Before I could steady myself, she lowered her mouth around me, her lips sliding up and down as she slowly took more of me into her. It was seriously fucking erotic.

I swept her hair away from her face and watched in awe as more of me disappeared, the pressure of her throat and lips making every muscle in my body tense and tighten in anticipation. I was aching and desperate, panting like a dog on a hot day, gripping the door frantically so I wouldn't collapse in a moaning, boneless heap on the floor.

I started babbling like a lunatic, my voice low and strained as I struggled to stay in control.

"Bella...oh, God...you're so beautiful...your mouth. Jesus fucking Christ, Bella, you mouth...it's unbelievable. You're unbelievable. So stunning. You...oh, God, yes....you're everything I've ever wanted...I love you....God....I love you so much."

I could feel myself building, a huge coil of pressure tightening impossibly inside me, drawing in all my muscles, everything tensing, drowning in sensation.

Suddenly, the door vibrated with heavy knocking.

"EDWARD!! Get the fuck out of there. They're looking for you!" Alice hissed, her voice stressed and urgent, "Please stop fucking around and get your ass back to the house!"

"For fuck's sake, Alice!" I roared in frustration as Bella continued to suck and stroke me, "I'll be there in a minute!!"

_Jesus...almost there. Throbbing. Need to let go. God, Bella. So beautiful. Love you._

My hands flew up and gripped my hair as my abdomen burned and ached with my impending climax.

"Edward, if you don't come out of there right the fuck now, I'm going to come in and kick your ass!"

"ALICE!!" I screamed as Bella giggled around me, "I WILL GIVE YOU A THOUSAND DOLLARS TO FUCK OFF FOR TWO GODDAMN MINUTES!! PLEASE!! YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE!!"

_So close. Fuck. So, so close. Keep going, Bella. Please. Don't stop touching me. Ever._

"Two minutes," Alice snapped, "And then I'm coming in to get you."

I heard her walk away as Bella increased her pace, humming and licking and stroking and sucking until I was caught in a maelstrom of pleasure and pressure and wet, warm thrusting.

"Fuck...Bella...oh, God...yes...Oh, baby....Jesus...I'm going to....oh, shit, Bella....AHHHHHH!!!"

_Bursting. Blazing. Exploding. Yes...oh Christ, YES!!!_

I gasped as I felt the coil inside me snap, a sudden blaze of pleasure rushing through me, hot and sharp and pulsing, tearing a huge groan out of me as my orgasm ripped through me like a hurricane.

"Oh, God, BELLAAAAAAA...."

Waves of crushing ecstasy erupted out of me as Bella's mouth continued to work, drawing out every last bit of tension and pressure, dragging me through the haze of euphoria that exploded in my groin and spread out to the rest of my body, engulfing me and consuming me as I moaned uncontrollably.

_God...oh, God....oh, God._

My knees buckled and I sank heavily against the door, shameless groans tumbling out of me as all my muscles turned to liquid - heavy and viscous. My heart was pounding and my lungs rasped as I struggled to get enough air.

_Amazing. _

_Jesus. That was seriously fucking amazing._

I stood there, gasping, saturated with total bliss as the woman I loved looked up at me with wonder and awe. She looked at me like I was her everything.

"God, Bella," I panted as she released me and stood up, her hands trailing lightly up my abdomen until she got to my chest, her right hand pressing against my thundering heart, pressing down on the trembling muscles. "That was just....Jesus....you're...fuck...you're just so.... you're a Goddess."

She smiled as I staggered slightly, clumsily trying to pull up my pants but failing because my legs were jelly and I was high on sex and her.

"Steady there, big fella," she laughed, pushing me against the door as she bent down and pulled up my boxers and pants. "Did I forget to warn you that my blow jobs can severely affect your motor co-ordination and you shouldn't try to operate heavy machinery or pants for at least an hour?"

I watched her drowsily as she refastened my pants and belt before re-buttoning my shirt.

"You're so beautiful," I mumbled, stroking her hair gently.

She smiled and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me upright and away from door.

"So are you," she said as she unlocked the door, "but we'd better get out of here before Alice bursts in with an AK47 and slaughters us in cold blood."

She let me go and I swayed slightly.

"Are you okay?" she asked with concern.

_Jesus. That orgasm was like drinking a full bottle of Tequila._

"I'm fine," I drawled as I took a step forward and promptly fell over, "But...um...I'm just going to sit down for a minute apparently."

Bella snorted and sat next to me, resting her head on my shoulder as she picked up my hand and stroked it.

"So, I guess you liked that, huh?" she said with a smirk.

I looked at her and shook my head.

"Swan, there isn't a word strong enough in the English language to describe how much I 'liked' that," I mumbled, my words slurring slightly. "That was the single most amazing orgasm I've ever had. Can we please do that every single day at this time, or any time really...but daily....like, at least once a day? Because that would be...well, that would just be cool."

She laughed and shook her head.

"Nuh uh. No way, Asstard. If I did that to you every day, you'd get sick of it pretty damn quickly."

I stared at her, unable to comprehend the utter ridiculousness of her statement.

"Swan, let me assure you in no uncertain terms; I will NEVER get sick of you doing THAT to me. Never. Ever. Ever, ever, ever, ever, EV-ER!"

"You might."

"I won't."

"We'll see."

"Does that mean you'll do it? Every day?"

"We'll see."

"Does that mean yes?"

"No, it means maybe."

"Maybe yes?"

"Maybe."

"Excellent."

"Do you have any idea of what you're saying anymore?" she asked with a giggle.

"Not at all," I answered honestly, "I think my brain actually shut down as soon as you wrapped your mouth around my cock."

"That's just sad."

"And wonderful."

She laughed again and stood up, pulling me to my feet.

"Whoa," I said in awe as my eyes raked over her body.

"What?" she asked, perplexed.

"Well, you know you just Britney Spears-ed me, right?"

"I whosey-whatted you?" she asked, laughing.

"Britney Spears-ed me? You know? Short skirt, no panties? Flashing me the good stuff?"

"Oh, so you like that do you?" she teased. "Well, in that case, play your cards right, Cullen, and on the way home tonight I may be inclined to Divine Brown you."

I frowned.

"Divine who, me?"

"You know? The call-girl who was caught giving Hugh Grant a blow-job in his Porsche?"

Godzy suddenly sat-up, paying careful attention to the concept of some hot automotive oral-sex.

"Well, you know, Swan," I said matter-of-factly, "It's a very small step from a front-seat BJ to a full-blown hood-fuck. Can I interest you in upgrading?"

She laughed and pulled me over to her for a kiss just as the door slammed open and Alice appeared like a tiny, vengeful angel.

"Well, nice of you both to unlock the fucking door," she snapped as she pushed us both out of the pool house. "About goddamn time. Are you both happy how that you've gotten your rocks off while hundreds of people have been waiting for you?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty damn happy," I said, looking to Bella for confirmation.

"Me too," she said, nodding, "Happy and satisfied."

"DEFINITELY satisfied," I agreed, trying not to laugh.

Alice glared at us.

"Well that's just fucking peachy," she said, steering us toward a small stage at the end of the pool where everyone had gathered. "Now, Edward, get up there and accept this fucking platinum album so we can get out of here. I've just spoken to Jasper and apparently he's been playing Band Hero for the past six hours. If I get home and find he's sprained his clit-twitching fingers I'm going to hit the fucking roof."

Bella and I laughed as we reached the stage, and I turned to kiss her quickly.

"Bella, my love," I said seriously, with a slight Spanish accent, "I have to leave you now because I have to accept an award for being fucking awesome and a legend to millions, but I want you to know that I won't enjoy it because it means I'm going to have to stop touching you and that's just wrong and unnatural."

She smiled as she gripped the front of my shirt and pulled me down so she could whisper in my ear.

"Edward, just go up there and have a good time, okay. And if you're a very good boy, we might make a detour on our way home tonight to...um...upgrade."

My heart started racing.

"Piss-girl, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

She raised an eyebrow at me.

"You never know your luck in the big city, big boy," she whispered as she smoothed down my shirt and pushed me toward the stage.

_Fuck me._

I had the best girlfriend on the planet. Hands-down.

***

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**Author's Notes**

**Now, ****I**** know most of you really aren't interested in reading about the hood-fuck, so I'm probs going to just skip over that in the next chapter. * **_**evil smirk ***_

**Now, ****I**** need to be serious for a minute.**

**'Sanctuary' is based on 'The Midnight Mission' in LA – an important resource for homeless people who would be lost without their services. There are homeless shelters in most major cities. They ALWAYS need funding and donations. I beg you to take a moment to think about how you would survive on the streets and consider making a donation to a shelter in your local area. Every dollar...every piece of clothing...every can of food makes an enormous difference to these people's lives. If you can help in any way at all, ****I**** know they'd be endlessly grateful.**

**Thank you so much for reading. A review is like a virtual hug, and since I'm a giant ball of PMS emo at the moment, a hug would really make my day.**

**Love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	38. The End of the Beginning Part 1

**Chapter Notes**

**Well, my dear, darling readers – here it is – the end of The Screamers.**

**It's been an epic journey, and let me tell you, writing this last chapter has been an bittersweet adventure. During the last few weeks my wordiness has reached plague proportions, and so, you will notice that this is part 1 of the final chapter. The final product ended up being so large I had to break it in two. Part 2 will be posted in a day or so.**

**I'm not going to start going on about how much ****I**** love you all yet because...well...you've got about thirty thousand words to get through before this saga is over and you don't need me blubbering in your ear.**

**To my amazing, magnificent beta-Goddess, Irritable_Grizzzly ****– ****I**** can't even begin tell you how ****I**** feel about you without tearing up, so I'll save that for part 2, but know that ****I**** love you dearly.**

**Disclaimer ****– Without Stephanie Meyer's amazing universe, ****I**** would never have started this crazy fic. She owns, ****I**** borrow.**

**Here we go, guys & girls,**

**Enjoy.**

**

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**

**Chapter 38 – The End of the Beginning**** (Part 1)**

**BPOV**

When you're a kid you think that anything is possible, and for the most part, it is.

Want to dig for buried treasure in your backyard? Possible. Want to make an entire suit of armor out of cereal boxes? Possible. Want to live in a world of damsels in distress and handsome knights and wicked Queens getting their comeuppance before the obligatory happy ending? Totally possible. Expected, even.

The concept of life being a constant struggle between what you want and what you've got is completely inconceivable when you're young.

Kids make their own reality.

They don't stop and think about the folly of fairytales or the unlikelihood of their broad, simple themes translating into their real lives. They dream big, and every day they wake to a world of endless imagination and possibility.

But unfortunately, as you grow up, the childish enthusiasm and boundless optimism gives way to harsh reality.

You learn that money isn't something you find in your yard – you have to work for it. You learn that cardboard armor can't protect you from jack shit, and most of all you learn that life isn't a fairytale no matter how much you wish it was. The fact is, most damsels in distress aren't rescued, most handsome knights are selfish, vain assholes, and most wicked Queens live their lives never having to pay for being pathetic, heinous bitches.

The reality was, happy endings were few and far between.

Even those people who kidded themselves into believing they were living the dream had to admit that the so-called 'happy ending' was a myth. It implied that the glamorous wedding with the happy couple riding off into the sunset was the end of the story, when realistically, unless the happy couple rode right off a cliff to their untimely death ala Thelma and Louise, it never was. It was just the beginning.

The part of the fairytale where everyone was supposed to live happily ever after was, in fact, the beginning of fights over money, or sex, or the big-titted co-worker who was discovered blowing the handsome prince at the office Christmas party. It was the beginning of finding out that the beautiful princess had an online gambling problem, or she drank too much, or she pulled the heads off chickens once a month when her PMS went berserk. It was the start of a tug-of-war between work, family, money, leisure, desire, fantasy and actuality.

Life after the happy ending was hard.

That's something the fairytales forgot to mention.

Of course, that doesn't stop them from sucking us in. We all wanted the fantasy.

I was guilty of it.

When I was on the streets one of the only things that kept me sane was my regular trips into fantasy land. In my dreams I wasn't filthy and hungry and desperate. I was beautiful and loved and had everything my heart desired. I wasn't damaged beyond all recognition. I was normal, and precious, and...whole.

I wasn't a fucking idiot, mind you. I knew they were fantasies. I never really expected to be plucked from the pit of hell I'd been inhabiting, to be carried off by a handsome prince. I knew that sort of shit just didn't happen. Especially to me.

But that didn't stop me from dreaming about it. I dreamed about it nearly every damn night; my subconscious rescuing me for just a few short hours from the rat-infested alley I was currently calling home.

Sometimes my dreams were so real the shock of waking up to my crappy reality made me feel like my chest was going to crack open from the crushing disappointment.

Still, I wouldn't have given those dreams up for anything. They were the only things that got me up every morning. They kept the small flicker of hope inside me alive. They gave me a reason to keep trying.

And then, one night, Edward Cullen walked into my alley.

Well, actually he ran into my alley and stole my blanket like a little bitch, but let's not argue over semantics.

At the time I considered him to be just another layer of crap added to my already crappy day. Back then I had no idea that he was the man who was going to make all my dreams come true. Although _he'd_ argue that as time went on, we rescued each other, I still considered him to be my white knight. My hero. My handsome prince.

Did I believe in fairytales?

Fuck no.

But I did believe in him.

I still do.

And now I wake up every morning with him beside me – his arms around me, his legs tangled in mine - and every now and then I pinch myself to make sure that it's not just another of my incredibly realistic dreams.

But it was real. He was real. And I was really fucking grateful that The Screamers brought him into my life all those months ago.

I opened my eyes and propped myself up on my elbow so I could look at him.

_Holy Mother of Unnaturally Sexy Men, he was staggeringly beautiful._

His dark lashes lay across his skin, thick and ridiculously long. His soft lips were open slightly and his breath was warm and even as his bare chest rose and fell rhythmically.

I shook my head in disbelief.

He was mine. The amazing, generous, loving, romantic, sexy-as-hell half-naked man beside me was mine. And I was his.

Unbelievable.

Since we'd visited Sanctuary two weeks ago, he'd not only donated a stack-load of money to the shelter, he'd also started organizing a huge charity concert to be held at the Hollywood Bowl.

He had dozens of celebrities calling every day asking to be involved and it was at the stage now where he had to employ an assistant to field all the calls. Funnily enough, out of all of the people he'd interviewed for the position, the one who showed the most initiative and passion for the project was Jasper's sister, Rosalie. Having been a junkie herself she was really motivated to helping Sanctuary, and was amazingly organized and driven.

Since meeting Emmett she really had no intention of returning to New York. It was obvious that those two had fallen hard for each other and because she wanted to be where he was, she was grateful for the opportunity to work in L.A.

I think Jas was also glad that his sister was finally doing something with her life other than partying and getting high.

And Emmett? Well, Emmett nearly exploded with the force of his pride. He was so incredibly grateful to Edward for hiring her that he even stopped calling him girls' names for two whole days. To Edward, that was the equivalent of Emmett tattooing his name on his ass. He was touched.

Jas had also jumped on-board the Sanctuary bandwagon and started volunteering every Saturday, giving free therapy to those who needed it. Alice rewarded him by giving him even more sex than usual, which concerned me because frankly, those two fucked more than Edward and I did and we couldn't seem to keep our hands off each other. I wasn't sure if it was possible to sprain your uterus, but I was pretty sure Alice was at risk.

Apart from Jasper she was also on top of the Sanctuary situation, and was working with Dimitri on a long-term business plan which included a proposal to set up Sanctuaries all over the country. She was also helping Dimitri invest some of the money Edward had donated so that he could pay more full-time staff members out of the resulting interest.

She really was excellent with money, and I knew that Dimitri was unbelievably impressed with her.

God I loved her.

I'd been spending quite a lot of time at Sanctuary myself over the past couple of weeks.

The first weekend I worked there I was assigned to help Renee with the clothing bank.

To say that our first day together was uncomfortable was a massive understatement.

We sorted, washed, folded and ironed all day, barely speaking a word to each other except to communicate about the work.

It sucked.

It wasn't that Renee wasn't trying, because she was. I guess I just wasn't ready to let her back in. She would often attempt conversations with me, but I instinctively shut her down. I wasn't used to her trying. I was used to her giving up and sitting in the corner.

I was hoping today would be different.

I wanted to have some sort of relationship with my mother, even if it was a working relationship, but I just didn't know how to be with her anymore.

"Hmmmm...Bella?" Edward mumbled as he woke up, his arms instinctively searching for me and pulling me to him.

I snuggled into his warm chest and inhaled, running my right hand up to his neck as my nose grazed his nipple. His scent enveloped me, warm and distinctive. Incredibly masculine and mouthwatering.

"Good morning, beautiful," he mumbled, his voice adorably rough and rugged with sleep.

_God, waking up like this every__ day was heaven on earth. In his arms I felt perfect. I couldn't be anxious or afraid or anything but completely happy. It was like my own personal cocoon of bliss. _

"Morning, handsome prince," I replied, my own voice low and husky.

He chuckled, his chest reverberating under my ear.

"What was that?" he asked as my hand ran across the rough stubble on his cheek.

"Nothing," I mumbled as I sighed.

Prince Asstard groaned.

"Bella?" he said groggily, "what is your hand doing?"

I looked down.

My right hand had apparently become bored with his cheek-stubble and migrated down to his abs where it was now playing absently with the sexy patch of hair that disappeared into his boxers.

"Ah, well," I said, fascinated by my hand's ability to act without my permission or control, "Apparently it's caressing your happy trail."

"Apparently," he moaned as his hands brushed over my arms, the low rumble in his chest immediately banishing any vestiges of sleep in exchange for tingling morning lust.

I watched in wonder as his obligatory morning wood swelled even further, impressively tenting the front of his tight black boxers.

"Okay, so...we've established what your hand is doing. Now can we find out exactly WHY it's torturing me?" he asked thickly. "It knows very well we have no time for morning glory today."

"It does?" I asked innocently, toying with the elastic at the top of his shorts, cheekily dipping my forefinger into the waistband.

He inhaled sharply, his hand leaving my arm to grip the sheet beside him.

"Yes, it does," he rasped as I kissed his chest, flicking my tongue across his nipples in the process. "It...well it...I mean, it's...oh, Jesus, Bella. How the fuck do you expect me to carry on a conversation while you're doing that?"

I smiled to myself and stopped kissing him.

"Don't stop, for fuck's sake," he whined, "I'm just saying I can't talk to you at the same time."

"Well, my easily distracted man," I said as my hand stroked down his thigh, scraping the warm flesh lightly with my fingernails on the way back up, "I'm afraid my hand claims no knowledge of a scheduling conflict today. She wants to play."

"Bella," he groaned as he threw his arm over his eyes, "I have to go."

I brought my mouth down to his abs, kissing my way down his happy trail and murmuring in satisfaction as I went.

"I don't accept that answer," I said, kissing my way back up his chest, "and neither does my hand."

I trailed a single finger over the long bulge in his pants.

He growled and flipped me onto my back, settling his pelvis between my legs.

"Well, whether you accept it or not, my love, we don't have time for this today. I have to meet Emmett down in the gym in fifteen minutes, which means I have no time to finish what your cock-tease of a right-hand has started."

He pressed his erection into me and kissed me deeply, groaning low and loud as I wrapped my arms and legs around him, writhing against him desperately.

"Fifteen minutes you say?" I gasped as my body ignited and burned for him.

"Five if you take off ten minutes for me to shower and get dressed," he panted.

"You don't need clothes," I groaned as he pulled down my tank top and started teasing my nipples with his mouth. "You should never wear clothes. It covers up your pretty body."

His mouth stopped suckling me and he looked up.

"You think my body is pretty?" he asked sitting up and kneeling between my legs.

My eyes raked over his incredible physique, taking in every muscle and groove – his broad shoulders, the hard planes of his chest, and the ripped glory of his abs.

"Oh, my God, Edward. You have no idea how pretty you are."

He grabbed my hands and pressed them into his pecs. "You think these are pretty?"

His muscles flexed under my palms and my fingers reflexively curled into the hardness.

"Uh huh," I grunted like the mumbling mess of hormones he always managed to reduce me to.

He put a hand on his right bicep and flexed, the muscles bunching impressively.

_Oh, fuck, I want to bite that thing._

"You think this is pretty?" he asked, his eyes never leaving my mouth.

"God, yes," I moaned.

"And this?" he practically growled as he pushed my hand onto his goddamn magnificent erection. "Pretty?"

"Jesus, Edward," I said as I instinctively started stroking him, "so fucking pretty."

He pulled me up so my knees were straddling his thighs and kissed me fiercely, his tongue warm and strong and demanding, tasting me hungrily as his arms crushed me to his chest.

I pushed myself down onto him, gasping as I took pleasure from his hardness, his amazing body flexing and rippling under my hands.

"Oh...God...Edward..."

He laid me back on the bed and I reached up for him, pulling him back down to my face, breathing in the air he exhaled in a gust as his pelvis came to rest on mine.

"Bella," he groaned as his hand moved between us, pushing under the waistband of my panties, inching them down until he found me, slick and desperate for him, "Jesus, I don't want to but I _have_ to go."

"_YEAH, BITCH FUCKERS!"_

_What the hell?_

"Edward?" I panted, looked quickly toward the racket coming from the living room, "What was that?"

"I have no idea," he groaned as his fingers circled faster, putting sweet pressure on the pulsing ache between my legs, "Do you want me to go and find out or keep doing what I'm doing?"

My back arched off the bed and a long, low groan came out of me as he added more pressure to the tight spirals.

"I'm going to take that as a 'no'," he said as his warm mouth started trailing down my neck.

I alternated between gasping and holding my breath as he worked his magic on my body, pulling and coaxing ribbons of pleasure from me, recoiling them with every pass of his fingers, stealing my breath and my moans and my desperation as he brought his mouth back to mine and kissed me, long and deep.

"Bella," he moaned against my lips, "I seriously need to go, so if you're planning on cumming anytime in the near future, I'd suggest you do it now."

I closed my eyes as the tension inside me stretched and ached, balancing, delicate and fragile, waiting impatiently to shatter and break.

"Oh, God...yes...Jesus, Edward, yes...I'm close...don't stop...fuck...please don't stop..."

"_Bitch Fuckers RULE!"_

Edward's hand stilled.

"Noooooo!"

My eyes snapped open in frustration, my body tense as I anticipated slapping Asstard in his ridiculously gorgeous chest and ordering him to ignore the distracting bellowing coming from the next room and finish me off, molto fucking pronto.

But Edward wasn't there.

I looked around the room frantically, my breathing loud and labored.

He really wasn't there.

I looked down at my screaming, frustrated Giney.

My own hand was inside my panties.

_GODDAMMIT!_

He'd already left for the gym.

_Damn me and my hyper-realistic dreams!_

I pulled my hand out and thrashed around on the bed for a few seconds like a petulant three year-old, grunting my frustration as I slapped the stupid empty bed for not magically sprouting hands and holding my man down when he dared to try and leave me.

I closed my eyes and exhaled, trying to implement some of the serenity techniques stupid Edward-stealing-Emmett had taught me. Bastard.

If it wasn't for the fact that he was making my man exponentially fucking hotter with every workout, I would kick his giant, heavily-muscled ass. Or at the very least glare at him and insinuate that he had carnal relations with his mother.

"Accio Edward!" I cried desperately, snapping my eyes open and groaning in disappointment as the apparently useless spell failed to deliver my man-God immediately into my presence.

"Fuck you, Harry Potter, and the broomstick you rode in on," I seethed, giving both middle fingers to the empty room. "Your magic sucks balls, jackass. No wonder Cho went with fucking poor-doomed-but-insanely-hot-Cedric."

I rolled over to his side of the bed, burying my face in the indentation in his pillow, pulling in huge lungfuls of his scent.

_Ahhh. Eau de Edward._

I kept inhaling, letting the warm, familiar spark of electricity shimmer through my body.

_Holy Mother of Addictive Smells. That man's aroma is like crack._

It took the edge off my frustration at not having his insanely talented fingers in my pants, but I still felt tense and anxious. It was a familiar feeling whenever he wasn't with me.

I wrapped my arms around his pillow and drew it into my chest, trying to let his scent mingle with the too-thick air that was scraping through my lungs. The balance of molecules was all wrong and my lungs were stiff and unhappy. There was too much oxygen. Not enough Edward.

I growled in frustration.

God I hated being away from him. It was like all the cells in my body got restless; as if they demanded that I move, seek him out, press my skin against his, exhale in relief when he was beside me.

As it was I had to console myself with breathing in the faint essence of him and dry-humping his pillow. It was barely adequate.

I'd never really had an addiction before Edward. I rarely drank (mainly because I was so enormously bad at it), and the only drug I'd tried was pot.

Yeah. That wasn't a good experience.

The sickly-sweet smoke had made me incredibly relaxed and I pretty much fell asleep on Mikey Newton. I woke up to find him groping my tits. What's more, I was so damn relaxed I _let him_ grope my tits.

Not my finest hour.

I'd certainly known my fair share of addicts on the street. Drug and alcohol abuse was one of the main contributing factors to the city's homeless population, but I'd always managed to keep my distance from most of them.

Except Charlie of course.

I knew Charlie drank to make the voices in his head muddy so he could concentrate on what he wanted to do and not what they were telling him to do. But once he went back on his meds, he really didn't need to drink anymore. He'd been sober for months now, and I couldn't be prouder.

So addiction was something I was acquainted with, but had never really experienced.

Then Edward came into my life.

I'd witnessed his struggle with addiction of course, but now I actually knew how it felt.

Suddenly I knew what it was like to be strung out. How desperately a body could need something. How immensely uncomfortable it was to...want...constantly.

With him, too much was never enough. I needed him like I needed air. I couldn't comprehend coping for more than a few short hours without him, and even then he was on my mind; the edgy, fitful unease of his absence crawling around inside me like an irritated snake.

I craved him. Hopelessly. Desperately.

It was only when he was with me that I could truly breathe.

When he was with me, I was a hundred feet tall. I was beautiful and sexy and smart and funny and everything I always wanted to be but just wasn't.

He made me those things.

His arms and hands and eyes and mind and heart made me the most special woman in the world, and when he wasn't with me, all I could think about was getting my next fix of him. I wanted to feel what he made me feel and see myself as he saw me. It was euphoric. Blissful. Unbelievably addictive.

I was an Asstard junkie. There was no denying it.

I'd always scoffed at people who went through depression when they broke up with their partner, because it seemed laughable to me that someone would give another person that much power over their state of mind. I mean, come on – was it really that hard to admit to yourself that they really weren't that into you and move on?

I knew now that when you found the one person in the entire world who made you vibrate with need, and filled your soul with want and love and destiny, it was almost impossible to move on. I had figured that out when Edward broke up with me.

When he left, I had stopped...being...and shuffled through my days like a zombie, lost in a haze of hopeless longing that I thought would never end. I tried so hard not to feel that way, to find a way around the massive hole he left inside me - a detour past the excruciating pain in my chest - but I couldn't.

I couldn't comprehend living without him, even though at the time, I knew I had to.

I suppose that if enough time had passed I would have found a way to function again – to put one foot in front of the other and breathe in and out without each exhale screaming his absence – but I would never have been able to move on. After you experience someone like Edward Cullen there was just no way to un-want him. To un-need him.

Thank God I didn't have to.

I looked over at his nightstand and grabbed the note that was propped up against the lamp, smiling when I saw my name on the front next to a small, neat love-heart.

_Thank you, Lord, for letting me keep him. You fucking rock._

I opened the note, reading his neat cursive script.

'_Hey beautiful,_

_I've gone to meet Emmett and I didn't want to wake you. _

_Actually, that's a lie. I did want to wake you, especially when you started babbling in your sleep about how pretty I was, but I knew if I did I'd end up making love to you for hours and Emmett told me if I canceled another session just to pleasure my woman, he would make me suffer pain like I've never known. _

_Obviously my aversion to pain is stronger than my need for sex. Who knew?_

_After my session with Em, Rosalie and I have a site-inspection at the Hollywood Bowl for the concert, and then I have to sign some contracts with Alice, so I'll pick you up at Sanctuary around five._

_Have a good day. I can't wait to see you. Don't forget we have another cocktail party tonight. I believe the dress code is semi-formal, panties optional._

_I'm going to highly recommend you ditch the panties. I like to have easy access just in case I decide to fuck you on a whim._

_Of course if they don't have a whim I'll make do with the couch. Or the wall. Or the bathroom vanity._

_Jesus._

_Fuck, I just __turned myself on. _

_There's really no hiding a hard-on in sweatpants, is there?_

_Crap._

_I love you. See you soon._

_Edward ._

I sighed and re-read the part about him making love to me for hours, and the part about his hard-on. I smiled like an idiot as I thought about his hands on me.

_Yep. It's official. Thinking about making love to Edward was my ultimate happy-place. _

Even the raucous yelling from the next room didn't distract me.

I walked into the bathroom and washed my face and brushed my teeth, pulling on my robe as my stomach growled loudly.

_Okay then. Apparently it's time to eat._

"_Oh for God's sake! This is fucking impossible!"_ yelled a wonderfully familiar voice.

I smiled as I quickly opened my door and walked out into the living room to find Rosalie, Alice and Jasper all clustered around the flat-screen as they played Band Hero. Of course Jas was hogging the drums, as usual, Alice was rocking out on the bass, and Rosalie was gripping the microphone like it was Emmett's love-wand.

Yes, she actually called it that. It was gross.

And rocking out beside them on the plastic guitar-controller was a tall, scruffy Brit.

"Rob!" I cried as he looked up and gave me a warm smile.

"Swan!" he smirked as he desperately tried to talk and play at the same time, "I was wondering when you'd drag your ass out of bed. I've been up for bloody hours."

"Uh huh," I said, taking in his t-shirt and jammie pants. "Jas, how long has he been here?"

"Just arrived," Jas said, completing a complicated drum fill, "And quite honestly, for someone who actually plays guitar, he sucks at this game. Big time."

The crowd on the TV started booing as Rob struggled to hit the right notes.

"Shut up, you ungrateful bastards!" he yelled at the virtual crowd, "This is fucking difficult, and your overly judgmental attitude isn't bloody helping!"

"Get it together, Pattinson!" Alice snapped, "You're going to ruin The Bitch Fucker's rockin' reputation."

"Bitch Fuckers?" I laughed, "Who came up with that name?"

"Jas," Alice said, thrusting her hips out as she bobbed her head in time with the music. "Sometimes he likes me to call him that just before he..."

"Jesus, Alice, please shut-up," Jas said quickly, hitting the plastic drum-kit with more force than absolutely necessary.

"Sorry, Bitch Fucker," Alice smirked, yanking up the neck of the guitar as she strutted and posed.

"When did you get back?" I said to Rob, trying not to laugh at the expression on his face as he squinted at the screen in frustration.

"Ah...last night. Late. Thought I'd drop in this morning to see if you wanted to grab breakfast."

"All out of Hotpockets, huh?"

He laughed.

"Swan, you know me too well. I have zero food in my apartment. Well, unless you count some moldy cheese and a six pack of beer."

He looked down at his fingers and muttered, "Shit, fuck, crap, damn," as he completely screwed up another solo.

I laughed loudly.

"Look, you," he said as he glanced over at me in irritation, "I'm trying very hard to be a rock-God here, so if you could curtail your malicious mocking and go and rustle me up some bacon and eggs, that'd be brilliant."

He glared at the screen and yelled, "OH COME ON! NO ONE CAN PLAY THAT BLOODY FAST! IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS!"

"Actually, an eight year-old can play this song perfectly, Rob," Alice smirked, "It's on Youtube. I guess you're just not as musically gifted as you think you are."

"Screw you, shorty," he replied, "You have three notes in the whole bloody song. That fucking eight year old must have fifteen fingers 'cause there's no way in hell he played this with just ten."

"It's a poor fake-guitarist that blames his lack of extra fingers, Pattsy."

He glared at her.

"You know, evil short-person," he said darkly, "You're right about one thing. Jasper is a bitch fucker."

Alice laughed loudly as Jasper's face went red.

"Thanks for sharing that term, honey," he said uncomfortably, "Not at all embarrassing."

Everyone concentrated on finishing strong, and when the song finally ended Rob ripped off the plastic guitar and dropped it onto the couch, groaning in relief as everyone else punched the air in self-satisfaction.

"Bitch Fuckers RULE!" Rose yelled enthusiastically as she high-fived Alice and Jasper.

"Hey," said Rob defensively, "Where's my high-five?"

"Rob, you sucked balls," Rose said like she was explaining the theory of relativity to a five-year-old. "We almost got booed off-stage because of you."

He shook his head in disbelief.

"Oh, okay. I see how it is," he said sighing deeply. "Well I guess it's time for me to leave the Bitch Fuckers and go out on my own. Then we'll see who gets booed off the stage, and you'll be left wondering why you were stupid enough to let me go."

"Okay then, buh-bye," Alice said brusquely as she chose numbers for the next set.

He looked at her and blinked.

"Stop begging me to stay, Alice," he said, putting his hands on his hips. "My mind is made up."

Alice flipped him the bird and then blew him a kiss.

"Alice!" he said in horror, "Your boyfriend is right there for Christ's sake. Stop embarrassing yourself."

"Bye, Rob!" the Bitch Fuckers chimed in eerie unison.

Rob sighed and walked over to me.

"Look at them Swan," he said sadly, "They're absolutely devastated. And rightly so. With me gone the only true talent that group ever had has left the building."

I suppressed a giggle.

"Yes, Rob. It's tragic. Really."

He grabbed my arm and steered us toward the kitchen.

"Yes, indeedy," he said loudly over his shoulder, "I'm going to be the George Michael to their Wham, the Robbie Williams to their Take That, the Bobby Brown to their New Edition, the Geri Halliwell to their Spice Girls."

"Actually, Rob," I said gently, "Geri only had a couple of hits after the Spice Girls, and then she bombed."

"Yeah, well, that's where my analogy fails," he said as he opened the fridge and started poking through the contents. "I was hoping to slip that one past you. But noooo, you had to be all clever and shit, didn't you?"

"I sincerely apologize," I said, smirking, "Being clever and shit was never my intention."

He pulled open the crisper-drawer and gasped in horror.

"Fuck me, Swan, what the hell is that?"

I peered over his shoulder.

"Um...fresh fruit and vegetables?"

"Ugh," he said slamming the drawer and shuddering, "looks fucking gross. What have you got that's deep fried and/or covered in chocolate?"

I laughed and pushed him out of the way, pointing him toward the coffee maker as I pulled out ingredients for omelets.

"How can you possibly keep the schedule you do and look the way you do when you eat complete crap, Pattinson?" I said as I started cutting up onions and mushrooms.

"Never underestimate the magical healing powers of beer, Swan," he said, looking at the coffee maker like it was an ancient Egyptian puzzle. "Now, do you actually expect me to get an engineer's degree to work this bloody thing or does it have an instruction manual?"

"Oh for God's sake," I laughed as I inserted a fresh filter and put beans in the grinder. "When the beans are done, push that button."

"This button?" he asked pointing at the enormous impossible-to-miss shiny button on the front.

I stared at him.

"Okay, fine, I got it," he said shooing me back over to my cutting board. "So, where's Edward this morning?"

_Not here with his hands down my pants, that's for damn sure._

"At the gym with Emmett," I sighed, pulling out a bowl and cracking eggs into it.

"And what did Mr. Wonderful give you for...?"

Suddenly, Alice was beside him, pulling him roughly down the hallway and out of sight.

I heard some furious mumbling, then a slapping sound followed by a cry of pain. Alice then strode back into the living room, giving me a sweetly innocent smile as she went. After a few seconds Rob sheepishly returned to his bean-grinding vigil, rubbing his arm and looking nervous.

_Okay. That was interesting._

"Ah...so...um, what's been happening while I've been gone?" he asked carefully.

"Well," I said choosing to ignore the weirdness while I wiped my hands on the dish towel and grabbed the whisk, "Edward's taught me how to make a kick-ass omelet."

"Excellent," he said, finally pushing the shiny button and jumping slightly as the machine noisily started percolating boiling water. "What else?"

"Edward has a new car."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Oh really? What sort?"

"Porsche."

"Nice. Fucked in it yet?"

"None of your business."

"I'll take that as a yes. How was it?"

"Also none of your business."

"Just give me a hint. On a scale of one to ten, with one being a snore-fest and ten being 'Holy Gods of Thigh-Shattering Orgasms that was almost a religious experience', where does the Porsche-fuck sit?"

"I'm not answering that."

He winced.

"Ooh, that bad, huh? Does Edward know? Did you fake it to spare his feelings?"

I laughed and glared at him. Unfortunately, the laugh kind of canceled out the glare.

"Robert Thomas Pattinson. Stop. Don't make me get Edward to kick your ass."

"Pfft. As if he could. I can run extremely fast."

"Yes, but he's given up smoking while you continue to puff away like you're in a race to emphysema-land."

"And I'm winning!" he said excitedly, "Listen to this wheeze."

He exhaled and an alarmingly unhealthy sound came out of his lungs. He then coughed like he was trying to barf up a fur-ball.

"Rob, that's fucking gross."

"I'm fine," he panted. "I just need a fag."

"Yes. Of course. Kill more of your lung cells."

He was unable to speak for a few seconds as he continued to hack.

"Oh, sweet cigarettes," he rasped, "I love you. Why do you hurt me so?"

"Rob, why don't you just quit?"

"And lose my cool-as-fuck James Dean appeal? No thank you."

"You can be cool without cigarettes."

"No, I really can't. Without the cigs I'm just a handsome git with awesome hair. With them, I'm a movie-star."

I shook my head and laughed.

"You're an insane movie-star."

"Yes, but a movie-star nonetheless."

He started fidgeting.

"Fuck, I need a cigarette. Can I just pop upstairs to get...?"

"No."

"I'll only be a sec..."

"No."

"Oh, come on! I really need..."

"No."

He huffed in frustration.

"Are you going to say anything to me but 'no'?"

"No."

"Goddammit!"

He sulked for a moment before saying, "So, back to the cum-stained Porsche. Do you think Edward would let me take it for a spin?"

"No."

"Are you still saying 'no' just to annoy the crap out of me?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Oh, okay. Then why wouldn't he let me drive it?"

"Because he's seen you drive."

"Swan, that accident wasn't my fault."

"Rob, you crashed into a parked car."

"It was in a no parking zone!"

"Did that make it invisible?"

"Yes. My brain only recognizes non-illegally parked cars."

"No wonder you've had so many accidents."

"Hey! I'm an excellent driver."

"Whatever you say, Rainman."

"Are you implying I'm mentally challenged?"

"No, but _you_ just admitted you are with your whole, 'my brain only recognizes non-illegally parked cars' excuse. Lame, lame, super lame."

He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me.

"Remind me why we're still friends?"

"Because you love me?"

"Not at the moment."

"Give it time. My appeal is contagious."

"Yeah, like hepatitis."

"Exactly! Once you've contracted me, I'm with you for life."

"I'm pretty sure I can get an anti-Bella cream at the pharmacy."

"Nope. I'm incurable, and you know it."

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"So, what you're saying is I'm stuck with you."

"Afraid so."

"Goddamn flaming fuck-balls."

He smirked and shook his head.

_Yeah, that's right Pattsy. You can't stay angry with me. You can't even PRETEND to stay angry._

"So, Edward tells me you're looking for a place together."

I stopped whisking the eggs and looked up at him.

"You got home last night, Rob. When the hell did you get the chance to speak to Edward?"

"PATTINSON!" Alice bellowed from the living room.

"Ah," Rob mumbled looking nervously over his shoulder, "I rang to speak to you a few days ago. He answered the phone."

"And you had an actual conversation?"

He frowned at me and leaned against the counter.

"Yes, Swan, we had a bloody conversation. I'll have you know that before you came on the scene, Edward and I were quite good mates. You were the one who soured our sweet, innocent love. You should be ashamed of yourself."

I shook my head and laughed.

"What else did you two talk about?"

He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.

"Uh...well...he...he told me that your Mum has contacted you."

I nodded as I got out a pan and turned on the stove.

"Yep."

I swallowed and began cooking the omelets, not sure what else to say but hyper-aware that Rob was waiting for me to elaborate.

"So...how did that go?" he asked softly.

I poured some mixture into the pan and pushed it around like Edward showed me, shaping and tilting it until I could flip it over.

"It was weird," I finally replied, looking up at him. "Did Edward tell you she works at a homeless shelter I used to go to?"

"Yeah," he said, nodding, "He also said you work there on the weekends. You going in today?"

I pulled some plates out of the cupboard and laid them on the counter.

"Yep. Jas and I are going in soon."

"Is she treating you okay? Do you need me to rough her up for you?"

I looked up at him.

"You'd do that?"

He shrugged.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I'm generally opposed to violence because when it happens to me it fucking hurts, but hey...I think I'd have a decent chance against your mum."

"Why, because she's a woman?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"No, Swan," he said petulantly, "It isn't because she's a woman, for God's sake. It's because she's an old woman."

I laughed and slapped his arm.

"Rob! She's forty-seven! She's not old."

"Oh," he said, tapping his chin, "I might need to rethink the whole 'roughing-her-up-for-you' scenario then. She might actually kick my ass."

I smiled at him and nodded.

"Yeah she would."

_Whoa._

_Okay, so I actually just defended my mother to someone. What the hell is that about?_

"So, what about you?" I asked, changing the subject as I slid the omelet onto a plate and started making another one.

Rob eyed it greedily.

"Go ahead," I laughed as he grabbed some silverware and attacked it hungrily.

"Oh, fuck," he said as he shoved a giant piece into his mouth, "That's bloody delicious." He looked up at me and mumbled around a mouthful of egg. "Sorry, what was the question?"

"What's been happening with you while you've been away?" I said as I watched him devour the entire omelet in four enormous mouthfuls. "How's your girlfriend?"

He almost choked. I wasn't sure if it was because of the massive amount of food in his mouth or my question.

He swallowed heavily and coughed.

"What girlfriend?" he asked evasively, "I don't have a girlfriend, Swan, and you know that. I'm a player. A rogue. A devilishly handsome bachelor who prefers to read deep, philosophical novels than get sidetracked by the fairer sex. The only emotional connection of relevance is with my dog."

"Ooh, wow," I said, groaning.

"What?"

"Well," I said, finishing off another omelet and putting in on a plate, "I'm pretty sure someone is going to make you suffer – big time - when she hears you referred to her as a dog."

He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair, showing me his middle finger in the process.

"Anytime you like, Swan," he said playfully, "you may bite my lily-white arse."

I laughed and downed a mouthful of omelet before teasing, "And what did I read about you the other day? That you're allergic to vaginas? Jesus, Rob, what the hell?"

He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest, smirking at me like the fucking cat that swallowed the canary.

"It's true," he said seriously, "whenever I'm around vaginas certain parts of my body swell up to epic proportions and get incredibly...throbby."

"Ewwwww!" I cried, slapping him hard, "Please don't talk about swelling and throbbing while I'm trying to eat breakfast! Or anytime for that matter!"

"You brought it up," he said, shrugging.

"That's what she said," I giggled, snorting loudly in the process.

Rob laughed with me, his eyes becoming tiny slits as we both chuckled loudly.

Jasper entered the kitchen and grabbed a cup of coffee, stealing a piece of my omelet as he passed.

I slapped his hand away and he smirked.

"We'd better get going soon," Jas said, looking at his watch, "The traffic is always a nightmare on Saturday mornings."

"No prob," I said, "I'll just finish this and have a quick shower."

He turned to Rob who looked at him expectantly.

"Go on, Jasper," Rob said patiently. "I know what you want to ask me. Don't be ashamed."

Jasper dropped his head and sighed.

"Rob, would you please take over for me as drummer for the Bitch Fuckers. The girls want to keep playing for a while longer, and...well...they want...no, they _need_ you to come back."

Rob nodded seriously.

"I knew when I left, all those long minutes ago, that I couldn't stay away. Once a Bitch Fucker, always a Bitch Fucker."

Jasper slapped him on the shoulder.

"So true," Jasper said, "But seriously, dude, careful with my drums or I'll have to hurt you."

"Your _fake_ drums, you mean," Rob chuckled.

Jasper glared at him.

He stopped chuckling.

"Jasper, in deference to the fact that you are not a woman over the age of fifty, I'm going to heed your threat of violence and treat those bits of plastic like they're the crown jewels."

"I'd appreciate that," Jasper said, continuing to sip his coffee.

"Okay," I said, finishing my last mouthful and dropping the dirty plates into the dishwasher, "I'm going to shower. Rob, have fun with your band reunion. See you later?"

"Yep," he said, grabbing a coffee and plonking four sugars into it, "I'll see you at that thing..."

"ROBERT!" Alice screamed, before appearing beside him and glaring savagely, "Get your ass in the living room, little drummer boy. Now."

"Right," Rob said quickly, waving as he went. "Later, Swan. I've no idea when of course because...well...nothing's been organized and I wouldn't know about it if it was..."

"Fuck me backwards, Pattinson," Alice seethed as she pulled him out of the room by his ear, "If you don't stop talking I'm going to shove my fist so far down your throat I'll be able to play the bongos on your balls."

"Ow! That fucking hurts, Alice! Bye, Bella!" Rob called as he disappeared.

_Okay, what the hell is going on with those two? _

_Fuckery is afoot. I can smell it._

Alice appeared in front of me, pushing me toward my bedroom.

"Okay, Bells, off you go. Big day ahead of you. Don't keep my man waiting. We both know he's not the most patient soul on the planet."

"Alice," I said, spinning around to face her, "What the hell is going on with you today?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said, continuing to push me toward my bathroom, "I'm just trying to make sure you get out of here on time, sweet bestie."

"Uh huh," I said sarcastically, "Sure you are."

_This day is just getting weirder by the second._

_

* * *

_

As per usual with our drives to Sanctuary, Jas and I talked about Renee.

He knew I was struggling with how to deal with her and he was trying to help me through it.

What I liked about Jas is that he never pushed. He'd ask me questions about her – things about our time together before Phil, and then he'd just listen as I talked, making vague, encouraging sounds and nodding his head in empathy.

I knew what he was trying to do.

He wanted me to remember how she was before that rat-bastard invaded our lives like a cancer, infecting us both with his virulent, soul-destroying poison. He wanted to remind me that before he beat the dignity out of her, and me, Renee wasn't the anti-Christ I had come to know her as. She was just...Mom.

I got that. I understood it. It just didn't make being around her easier for me. As much as I tried, I couldn't just forgive and forget. At this point, I was just aiming for tolerating and not hitting. It was a noble goal.

My phone rang just as Jas and I got out of the car. I gestured for him to go on without me as I fished my phone out of my bag and held it up to my ear, quickly glancing at the caller ID in the process.

I smiled to myself as I answered it.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't my fuckhot rock-star boyfriend and his never-flaccid glory-cock that fucks me into oblivion on a daily basis. How are you, lover? Still sporting wood I hope."

There was silence for a few seconds before an unsteady high-pitched voice said, "Uh...Miss Swan, this is Reverend Rachleff from the Church in Westwood. You left a message for me about officiating some services at Sanctuary. Your boyfriend is here picking up some hymn books and kindly let me borrow his phone since the battery went dead in mine."

My heart leapt up into my throat, strangling me with complete and utter mortification.

_Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. I did NOT just say the words 'glory-cock' and 'fuck me into oblivion' to a priest!_

_Ohhhhh, giant shitting crap-balls. I'm going to have a room reserved for me in hell that's filled with bagpipes, Justin Bieber songs, and people who slurp their soup._

I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned against the wall next to me, banging my head gently against the cold bricks.

"Oh, Christ...I mean, hell. Fuck. Jesus! NO! Not fuck Jesus! I meant 'fuck' as a completely separate word to 'Jesus'. I would NEVER say 'fuck Jesus'...although realistically I did just say it...several times...but that was just to illustrate that I wouldn't actually say it. Oh, fuck me. THAT WASN'T A REQUEST!"

_FUCKING HELL, SWAN, STOP FUCKING TALKING FOR FUCK'S SAKE!_

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, mouthing the word 'fuck' over and over again until I felt I had control over my vocabulary.

"Reverend," I finally managed to rasp, "I'm so very sorry for what I just said. Please forgive me. Thank you for calling me back."

My brain almost exploded when I heard the self-satisfied chuckle of a soon-to-be-deceased Asstard.

"Oh...you bastard," I breathed in relief as my heart restarted.

"Piss-Girl!" he admonished in mock-horror, "Is that any way to speak to a fake man of the cloth?"

"Oh, you're dead, Cullen," I said seriously, "You're deader than the deadest thing in Deadsville. You're deader than disco. You're deader than Tiger Woods' vows of fidelity."

He laughed even louder and I could clearly picture his beautiful face thrown back in absolute glee as I clawed my way back out of my pit of fake-damnation.

"You're going to pay for that," I said, suppressing a chuckle, "Someday...somehow...I WILL make you suffer."

He sighed melodramatically.

"I keep hearing these promises of capital punishment from you Swan, but have I seen any follow-through? No. Not a single spanking paddle, riding crop or testicle clamp has been spied. You're a fucking punishment tease."

_Do not laugh at him. You're still supposed to be angry._

"Oh, you want to be punished, Cullen? Well I'm digging out the testicle clamps right now and I'm going to punish you so hard your balls will be liquid by the time I'm done.

I heard a strangled groan, but it didn't sound scared. It sounded turned on.

"Fuck, Bella. Why the hell does you threatening me with agonizing violence make me as hard as a rock? Tell me, please, because it's seriously fucking weird."

_Sure, I'll explain that to you as soon as you tell me why you saying the word 'hard' makes my vagina go straight to Defcock 1._

"Where are you?" I asked, immediately trying to picture him with a huge hard-on. It wasn't difficult.

"At the apartment. I'm just about to shower before Rose and I head out to the Hollywood bowl."

"Naked?"

"Not yet."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm standing in the kitchen."

"Lame excuse."

"Do you really want me to get naked with an ex-girlfriend, my sister and Rob in the next room?"

"Rob's still there?"

"Yeah. Apparently the Bitch Fuckers are blitzing their world tour. You should see Rob's avatar. He's shirtless and wearing angel wings for fuck's sake. It's ridiculous."

I suddenly had a mental image of a naked Asstard and a shirtless Rob standing in the kitchen, chatting and sharing a beer.

_Okay, that's wrong on so many levels, Bella._

_But soooo fucking hot._

"Rob told me that you talked on the phone a few days ago," I said, trying to distract myself.

There was a slight pause and he cleared his throat.

"Uh...yeah. We did."

"You didn't tell me he called."

"Oh. Really? I...uh...I forgot."

_Okay, why the fuck is everyone being so weird today?_

"So what did you talk about?"

"Stuff."

"What stuff?"

"Jesus, Bella, I don't know. Stuff stuff."

There was a defensive edge to his voice that concerned me, but considering I already knew what they talked about, I let it slide.

"Ah, yes. The all-important stuff-stuff," I joked, trying to ease the tension, "I've read about that in Playboy but I thought it was an urban legend.

He chuckled.

_Mission accomplished._

"Don't diss the 'stuff,' Swan. 'Stuff' is important."

"So I've heard. It can make the most pathetic tallywacker erect for hours. Not that _you_ need it, of course."

"Tallywacker? Really? Has Pattinson been teaching you Brit-speak again?"

"Yep. Tallywacker, knobhead, tosser. I'm now fluent in the Queen's English. Would you like to come and taste my crumpet?"

He groaned.

"Hell, yes. Your crumpet is fucking delicious. I'd eat it three meals a day if I could."

_Holy Mother of uber-vague dirty talk - ruined panties alert._

I cleared my throat and tried to rid my mind of the delectable image of Edward's head between my thighs.

"Uh...Jesus. Okay then. Um...that was...well...I mean...shit. Say something. Distract me from your total goddamn hotness."

"My cock is aching for you?"

"No! What the hell? You're making it worse."

_Edward's head between my thighs. Edward's beautiful erect cock. Edward's aching cock between my thighs._

_Too turned on. It hurts._

"Fuck, I want you, Bella."

I groaned.

"What are you doing, Asstard? Are you trying to kill me? I have to go and face my mother in a few minutes! How am I supposed to do that when my vagina is screaming your name?"

"What about me, huh?" he said, his voice cracking with desperation, "I'm walking around with an erection the size of Brazil, and your mouth and hands and fucking warm Giney aren't here to help relieve it. I could pass out from lack of blood to my brain because it's all rushing to my throbbing cock!"

I screamed in frustration.

"EDWARD! You cannot say the words 'throbbing cock' to me if you expect me to be able to think about anything but having you inside me! Jesus fucking Christ!"

I heard someone clear his throat behind me, and I spun around, a tornado of sexual frustration and Asstard-fueled anger.

"WHAT?"

A short, thin man stood in front of me, wearing a black suit. A very nice black suit. And a white collar.

_Oh...my...fucking...God._

"Miss Swan?" he said nervously, pushing his glasses up with his forefinger. "Dimitri said I might find you out here. I'm Reverend Rachleff. You called me about officiating some services?"

_I'm damned. Totally damned. Strike up Mull of Kintyre and serve the motherfucking soup._

"Miss Swan?"

_Don't talk. You can't embarrass yourself more if you don't talk._

"_Bella?" _

Edward's voice coming out of my phone was remarkably loud.

"_Are you still there? I'm alone now in the bedroom, fucking my hand. Please talk to me, baby."_

The reverend looked at the phone and cleared his throat.

Apparently my embarrassment was feeling ambitious and wouldn't rest until it had bloomed into epic and fatal mortification. Excellent.

"_Bella? Oh, Christ, beautiful. I'm picturing your mouth around me. Jesus. So fucking good."_

I jabbed the 'end' button viciously and tried to smile at the reverend. I'm pretty sure I looked constipated.

I mumbled my apology and led him into Sanctuary, giving him a brief tour of where the Sunday services would be held and thanking him for his time before palming him off onto Dimitri and scurrying to the clothing bank. My phone had been ringing constantly and even though I knew it was Edward, I pressed reject and turned it off, not ready to relay my horrific embarrassment to him.

My face was still burning from the savage blush that was flashing my embarrassment like a neon sign as I descended the stairs to the clothing bank.

When I walked in, Renee was standing behind the large table, taking clothes from a laundry basket and folding them up. She did a double-take when she saw me.

"Bella," she said with concern as she walked over to me, "are you all right? You're bright red."

"Yeah, I'm fine," I mumbled as I grabbed a t-shirt and began folding it, eager to put the whole embarrassing incident behind me.

"Really? Can I get you anything? Water? Soda?"

"No, really, I'm fine."

She looked at me for a moment before going back to the folding.

I knew she was disappointed that I wouldn't talk to her, but what did she expect? The massive wall of non-communication that had been built over the past three years wasn't just going to magically dissolve. It would need to be dismantled, brick by brick, and that was going to take a lot of effort. On both our parts.

We spend the next few hours working in relative silence. Occasionally clients would come down to get new clothes or shoes, and the requests for blankets were increasing due to the weather becoming colder.

Thankfully, Edward's influx of cash enabled us to buy plenty of high-quality blankets and sleeping bags, and I was grateful knowing that we'd have enough for anyone who asked.

"Bella?"

I looked up to see Renee staring at me.

"Yeah?"

She swallowed and looked at the ground before saying, "I...uh...made you something. I wasn't sure if I should give it to you, but...well...I made it anyway. You don't have to accept it."

I frowned at her.

"You made me something? What is it?"

"Stay here," she said as she ducked into the backroom. She returned a few moments later with a cardboard box, putting it gently on the table between us.

"I know I'll never be able to make up for everything I let you go through, but...I remembered that the last time I truly saw you happy was when I made you one of these."

She gestured for me to open the box.

I stepped forward with trepidation and lifted the lid.

"Oh..."

"Happy birthday, Bella."

Inside the box was a birthday cake. A butterfly – bright, gem-colors swirling across its wings in thick icing.

An unexpected knot of emotion tightened in my throat.

Renee had made me its exact twin when I was thirteen. That was the last time I celebrated my birthday. I hadn't even realized that it was today.

September thirteenth. I was officially twenty-two.

A strange wash of confusing emotions passed through me, transporting me back to a time when my birthday was an occasion to celebrate and not cringe. When my dad was alive, he'd always draw up a huge treasure map and make me seek out the presents that he'd hidden in the house and garden.

At night we'd always have roast pork, my favorite, and Renee would always bake the most beautiful cakes, working for hours to perfect them.

She continued to make the cakes even after Dad died and she hooked up with Phil, but I think we both knew he secretly resented her for spending so much time making them for me. In his mind I was an aggravation. An inconvenience that was simply attached to my mother. Apart from the first few months when he and Mom got together and he tried to win me over, he didn't talk to me if possible, and the only physical contact we had was in the form of a back-hander after he'd drunk too much.

It was just before my thirteenth birthday that he started beating me regularly.

I'd gotten home from school to find the butterfly cake that Mom made me. It was so beautiful. I hugged her tightly and savored one of the rare moments when it was just her and me. When he wasn't in the house it was almost like we could be happy together.

She sobbed into my hair, apologizing over and over again, wishing that things were different.

But they weren't.

When Phil got home that night and saw what Mom had done for me, he flew into a rage, beating me viciously before destroying the cake and rubbing it in my hair.

He locked me outside the house and went on to beat Renee for wasting her time on a fucking ungrateful bitch like me.

As soon as he passed out, Renee let me back inside, taking me straight to the bathroom and washing the sticky mess out of my hair. She winced every time she bent down and I knew that Phil had probably worked over her ribs, one of his favorite ways to hurt her without leaving visible marks.

She put me to bed silently, but I could hear her sobbing when she went back to her bedroom.

After that, we stopped celebrating my birthday.

During my years on the streets, the date lost all meaning to me. Why should I celebrate the day I was born into this suckhole of a life? It was traditionally a day to be thankful for being granted life. Considering that I no longer considered my life worth living, I didn't see the need to acknowledge it. At all.

But now, my mother was standing before me with a beautiful cake that I knew she'd spent hours making and I was suddenly reminded that my life was something worth celebrating. I had lived through all the bullshit and come out the other side with an amazing man, and beautiful friends. And my mother had finally found the strength to stand on her own two feet and cut the man-shaped cancer out of her life.

Phil may have hurt us for a lot of years, but he hadn't won.

We had.

I swallowed and looked up at Renee's expectant face. She was bracing for my rejection. I didn't have the heart to give it to her.

"Uh...thanks...Mom," I said softly, "It's beautiful."

An emotional smile spread across her face.

"Like you," she said, looking at me like she used to, when her eyes were filled with more happy than sad. "I'm so proud of you, Bella. I..." she sighed, "I'm sorry you had so many years without me telling you that."

I nodded. I was sorry too.

We stood there awkwardly for a few moments, both of us unsure what to do.

I knew she wanted to hug me, and part of me wanted that too, but I couldn't. There were too many spikes of resentment still poking out of my skin. It would hurt too much.

Eventually she picked up more laundry and started folding again, and I was grateful she didn't push me.

"So, what did Edward give you?" she asked nonchalantly.

_Oh shit. Edward doesn't know. No one knows. Should I tell them?_

"Uh...he doesn't know. I forgot it was today. "

She looked up at me.

"Do you know when his birthday is?"

_Double shit._

"No."

She smiled.

"I guess you two have had a lot on your plate recently. You'll have plenty of time to get to know each other."

I knew she was right, but it still bothered me that Edward and I didn't know those basic details about each other's lives.

I hadn't even met his parents.

I began folding again, my mind suddenly filled with all the things we didn't know about each other and hadn't shared.

I felt I knew him intimately, but there was still so much I had to learn, and it suddenly annoyed the crap out of me.

"Hello, beautiful ladies!"

I looked up to see Charlie strolling down the stairs, a huge grin on his face.

I ran over and gave him a crushing hug.

God, I'd missed him.

"Hey, old fella!" I said, squeezing him tightly, "How have you been?"

"Oh, you know me, Bells," he said, kissing me lightly on the cheek, "I'm a survivor; I'm not gonna give up."

I laughed.

"Charlie, did you just quote 'Destiny's Child' to me?"

He chuckled.

"Yeah, well, it seems young Angela likes to listen to those girls days and night. I think it's starting to rub off on me."

I smiled.

Since Charlie had gotten his life back together, he was determined to help others do the same, and considering he was living in a two-bedroom apartment all by himself, he'd asked young Angela Webber to move in with him, to get her off the streets. Since she moved in, she'd gone back to high school and was working on getting a scholarship to go to college. I hadn't told her yet, but I was pretty sure Edward was going to make sure it happened, one way or another.

I owed him a truly spectacular blowjob for that.

Angela was great for Charlie too. She helped make sure he ate decent food and reminded him when to take his meds, and they both came to work in the kitchen at Sanctuary a couple of days a week. It was working out well for both of them.

"So a little bird tells me it's your birthday," Charlie whispered, stealing a glance at Renee and smiling.

"Oh, really?" I replied, not knowing if I was pleased or annoyed that my mother had told Charlie. Part of me was disappointed that in all the time we'd spent together on the streets, I hadn't shared that information with him.

Did I seriously suck at sharing myself with other people? It was certainly starting to seem like it.

Charlie dragged his eyes away from my mother and looked back at me and frowned. "Oh, jeez, Bells, is that a grey hair I see?"

I pulled back and looked in the mirror.

"What? Fuck no."

Charlie laughed behind me and I turned so I could punch him gently in the arm.

"Oh, ha ha, Charles. Very funny."

He smiled and put his hands in his pockets.

"Yep. I'm pretty sure they're going to book me on Letterman any day now."

He stole another glance at Renee who was blushing like...well...like me.

_What the fuck?_

"Uh, Bella?" Charlie said carefully, "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

His eyes flicked between me and Renee and a weird sense of dread washed over me.

"Sure."

He led me upstairs into the kitchen where he poured me a cup of tea, making it with lots of sugar and cream, just the way I liked it. He poured himself a coffee and we sat at one of the long tables, now mostly empty since the lunch crowd had left.

He smiled at me briefly before looking down at his hands and fiddling with his mug.

"So, Bella..."

"You like my mother, don't you, Charlie?"

His eyes snapped up to mine.

"I...well...shit. How did you know?"

I shrugged. "The way you were looking at her. The fact that she was blushing like a teenager. It was pretty obvious."

He nodded and took a sip of his coffee before looking up at me again.

"Are you angry?"

"Am I angry that you like my mother? Shit, Charlie, I don't know."

I sipped my tea and thought for a few moments as the sugary warmth spread through my stomach.

Since my dad died, Charlie was the closest thing I had to a father. He'd cared for me and protected me when no one else had. But he knew what my mother had done, and there was a time when I thought he hated her just as much as I did.

Obviously that time had passed.

"I know that in the past I've been very critical of your mother," he said as if he'd read my mind, "and I still don't agree with what she did to you, but over the past few weeks she's really opened up to me. I don't think she's ever really had someone to confide in."

That was true. She never used to speak to me about how she was feeling. She'd just cry and apologize. If she _had_ talked to me things might have been different.

"I know she'll never be able to make up for everything you went through Bells, but she's been through a lot too, and...well...she has a lot of issues from her time with Phil. I'd like to try and help her with them, if that's okay with you."

I took another mouthful of tea and swallowed it down, mulling over what Charlie was saying. Part of me still thought she had some more suffering to do, but that part was getting less and less rabid as the days passed.

Did I want my mother to be happy? Did I think she deserved someone like Charlie?

Fuck. I had no clue.

"Bells?"

I sighed in frustration.

"I don't know, Charlie. I just...I don't...I mean, what if...um...oh, crap..."

_Excellent communication skills, Swan. Really. Good job expressing yourself._

He reached out and took my hand, rubbing his calloused fingers against mine.

"I'm not planning on marrying her, Bells. I just want your permission to hang out with her for a bit. Become friends. See what happens. She hasn't had a man treat her well for a long time. I'd like to change that."

Could I really begrudge Renee spending time with someone like Charlie? One of the best men I knew? She had really gotten the king of all assholes with Phil. Maybe she did deserve to spend time with a man that didn't treat her like crap.

I sighed.

"Sure, Charlie. Whatever. You two kids run along and have a nice time."

Charlie's chair scraped on the linoleum as he stood up and leaned over the table to kiss me on the cheek.

"Thanks, Bells. I promise to take it slow. But I have a good feeling about this."

I smiled as sincerely as I could and patted him on the hand.

Despite the conflicting emotions raging inside me, so did I.

The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur. My mind was preoccupied with all the things I hadn't shared with Edward, and with all the things I didn't know about him. I didn't know what his favorite food was, or where he was born, or how his parents met or even when he'd lost his virginity.

And he didn't know all of those things about me either.

How could we be so important to each other and not know these things? Was this normal?

Was the intimacy I felt with him purely because we were so astoundingly sexually compatible? Were we going to be one of those couples who drifted apart when the chemistry waned?

How the fuck could I call myself his girlfriend when there was so much about him I didn't know?

I was getting restless when five o'clock rolled around. Charlie came and offered Renee a ride home, and they both wished me a happy birthday before they left.

It was bittersweet watching them leave together. It made me want Edward. Badly.

I busied myself by tidying up the workroom and putting away the last few piles of folding, but the growing ache for him was really starting to get uncomfortable.

I was just putting away a bag of shoes when I heard footsteps on the stairs, and I held my breath as I saw long legs descend the staircase.

He reached the bottom and leaned against the door-frame, his face full of love and longing.

"Hey," he said softly, "I've missed you."

I crossed the room in seconds and launched myself at him, my mouth finding his immediately, my fingers tangling in his hair as his arms closed around me and cocooned me in his embrace. We both moaned as he lifted me up and perched me on the large table, my legs instinctively parting so he could press himself against me, hard and delicious and everything I could ever want or need.

See, I knew this Edward. I knew every moan and touch and gasp of air. I knew how to map his pleasure with my eyes closed.

The trouble was, this Edward consumed and obsessed me so completely that when he was around I found it difficult to think of anything else.

His tongue pushed into my mouth and my whole body blazed for him. I needed him naked. I wanted his hands all over me. I wanted his body joined with mine and I needed all of those things right the fuck now.

"Edward," I moaned as I moved my mouth to his neck, "do we really have to go to that cocktail party tonight? Can't we just go back to the apartment and make love all night?"

He pulled back and kissed me deeply, groaning as I pulled his hair and wrapped my legs around his waist.

"Oh, fuck, Bella," he moaned, "You have no idea how much I would love that, but..."

"No," I said, running my tongue around his ear, "No 'buts'. Let's just do it. Please."

He pulled away from me, panting raggedly, his obvious arousal telling me that he wanted it as much as I did.

"We need to go to the party tonight," he said breathlessly, "It's...important. For lots of reasons."

I fisted the front of his t-shirt and pulled him back toward me, pouting.

"What reasons could possibly be more important that being naked with me?" I asked as I ran my hands across his chest. "I could do that thing with my tongue that you seem to like so much."

I batted my eyelashes.

Yes. I know. I had zero shame.

"Jesus, woman," he mumbled, "You're really not making this easy for me."

"Good," I said as my hand trailed over his erection, "I want it to be as hard as possible."

Just feeling the intense hardness beneath his jeans made my girl-parts blaze and tingle fiercely. I wanted that hardness inside me, soothing the white-hot ache that was consuming me.

Suddenly he stepped back, running his hands through his hair and exhaling heavily.

"Bella," he said, a strange tenseness appearing on his face, "I'm sorry, beautiful, but we have to go. We can't be late."

There was a resolve in his voice that I knew I couldn't argue with even though I wanted to.

I jumped off the table and thought briefly about the birthday cake in the fridge in the back room. Should I take it home with me? That would mean I'd have to tell Edward it was my birthday, and then he'd feel guilty for not getting me a gift, and then I'd have to tell him the whole story of why I no longer celebrated it, and...

I was jolted back to reality by Edward's fingers brushing over my cheek.

"Everything okay?" he asked gently.

"When's your birthday?" I asked suddenly.

He blinked at me and frowned.

"Uh...June twentieth. Why?"

"You're a gemini?"

"Yes. Why?"

"How could I not know this about you?"

"Bella, what's going on?"

"Nothing's going on I just...there's so much I don't know about you. And I want to. Know."

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything! I want to know everything about you! Why don't I?"

He laughed and leaned in to kiss me.

"I promise I'll tell you everything you need to know. Tomorrow. Is that okay? But right now, we have to go."

"Fine," I huffed, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the stairs, "But you'd better block out the whole damn day 'cause I'm going to grill you like a piece of steak."

He chuckled and said, "I look forward to it."

Edward and I moved through the building, saying hi to the familiar faces that were coming in for the dinner service. I waved at Angela who was serving in the kitchen, and she smiled warmly. She looked so much happier than when I had seen her last, all hostile eyes as she gripped her backback fiercely.

I was so glad she and Charlie were helping each other out.

Jas was sitting with a small group of clients and he waved as we passed.

"I'll see you guys later."

Edward and I exited in the building and he held my hand as he led me to the car, opening the door for me before sliding in behind the wheel.

He started the engine and made his way through the twilight traffic, back to our apartment.

His face was beautiful in the fading light, but his eyes were worried, and he lifted a hand to his mouth, chewing gently on his fingernails.

"Are you okay?" I asked as I reached across and pulled his hand into my lap.

"Yeah. Fine," he replied in the most unconvincing voice I'd heard him use in a long time. "Just nervous about tonight I guess."

I stroked his fingers with my own and smiled as he sighed in response.

"What's there to be nervous about?" I said with a laugh, "You know that everyone at these things loves you. They all think you're made of awesome."

He glanced over at me then back to the road.

"I really don't care what everyone else thinks of me," he said softly, "There's only one person whose approval I need, and that's yours."

I brought his hand up to my mouth and kissed it gently.

"Well, you already have my approval so there's nothing to be nervous about, is there?"

"If only," he mumbled under his breath.

The rest of the drive passed in silence and Edward's anxiety seemed to get more intense with every minute.

When we got back to the apartment, we showered in silence and he didn't try to grope my boobs at all – a sure sign that something was very wrong.

I watched as he quickly got dressed into a dark, tailored suit with a white shirt and pale tie.

He looked beyond gorgeous.

He paced the bedroom and bit his nails as he waited for me to finish getting ready, completely neglecting to comment when I failed to put on panties underneath my strapless evening dress.

_Okay, this is completely fucking weird. Nothing? _

I bent over in front of him to fasten the straps on my stilettos. He barely glanced in my direction.

I was really starting to get worried.

"Are you ready?" he said nervously as he grabbed my purse and handed it to me.

"Yeah, sure," I said, trailing behind him as we made our way to the car.

He once again opened my door for me, and before I slid into the seat I grabbed his tie and pulled his face to mine, kissing him deeply before pulling back and saying, "I don't know why the fuck you're so nervous tonight, Asstard, but cut it out, okay? You're getting on my nerves."

He exhaled and smoothed down his tie, giving me a lopsided smile before groping my ass.

_That's better._

"Sorry," he said quickly, "This would be much easier if I still drank, smoked, or did drugs."

"No, it wouldn't," I said as I eased into the leather seat, "because if you did any of those things I'd be kicking your ass right about now."

He chuckled and closed the door, moving around to the driver's side before sliding in and starting the engine.

He revved it a few times and the aggressive growl of the engine shot excitement straight between my legs.

I watched as he put the car in gear, his face stunning as he frowned in concentration.

_Dear God...that man driving this car? Hotter than Hades._

"Besides," I said, placing my hand on his thigh, "if you want something to take your mind off whatever the hell is getting you so uptight, just think back to what you did to me in the car the last time we went to the Hollywood Hills.

He moaned and screeched out of the parking lot.

"Fuck, Bella, if we weren't running late I would do that to you all over again."

A flash-fire of goose-bumps erupted all over my body as I thought about what we did. More specifically, what he did. To me. Two weeks ago. On the hood of this fucking magnificent car.

* * *

**Author Notes**

**Did you really think ****I**** had forgotten about the hood-fuck? Silly pervs.**

**The next chapter will be up as soon as my beta-goddess recovers her eye-sight from editing such an enormo****us beast.**

**Please drop me a line and let me know what you think so far. **

**Love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	39. The End of the Beginning Part 2

**Chapter Notes**

**Well, dear readers, this is it. We've come to the end of the Screamers' journey, and ****I**** can't thank you all enough for taking this wonderful ride with me. Your ongoing support and love of these characters has been truly astounding, and ****I**** thank each and every one of you.**

**I**** was extremely touched and surprised to find out that Screamers had won a Faithful Shipper award recently for Best Secondary Pairing. I'm sure Alice and Jasper will celebrate by giving each other many orgasms.**

**To my amazing beta-Goddess and friend, Irritable_Grizzzly ****– You've been with me from the very beginning, baby, and ****I**** can't tell you how much you've contributed to this fic, and me personally. I'm a better writer for having you as my beta, and I'm a better person for having you as my friend. ****I**** love you so much. Thank you.**

**Okay, I'm going now cause the snot-sobbing has started.**

**Enjoy.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 38 – The End of the Beginning (Part 2)**

**BPOV**

I watched as he put the car in gear, his face stunning as he frowned in concentration.

_Dear God...that man driving this car? Hotter than Hades._

"Besides," I said, placing my hand on his thigh, "if you want something to take your mind off whatever the hell is getting you so uptight, just think back to what you did to me in the car the last time we went to the Hollywood Hills.

He moaned and screeched out of the parking lot.

"Fuck, Bella, if we weren't running late I would do that to you all over again."

A flash-fire of goose-bumps erupted all over my body as I thought about what we did. More specifically, what he did. To me. Two weeks ago. On the hood of this fucking magnificent car.

_**Two weeks ago**_

"_Cullen, both hands on the wheel please."_

_We were speeding up into the Hollywood Hills, our headlights sweeping across the road as Edward wove around tight bends at a velocity that was making me nervous. The fact that he was driving one-handed made me even more nervous. _

"_Edward..." I warned, slapping his hand on my thigh lightly, "Both hands on the wheel please."_

_He kept his eyes on the road, deliberately ignoring me. In fact, not only did he __not remove his hand from my thigh, he actually moved it even higher, brushing his fingertips over my inner thigh and making me squirm in my seat._

_A traitorous moan fell from my mouth._

Dammit_._

"_You okay, honey?" Edward asked innocently as his fingers stroked me expertly, setting my skin on fire and making me ache for his fingers to be higher and deeper._

Bastard. He knows exactly what he's doing to me. He's enjoying it.

_Ever since I'd made the mistake of mentioning the possibility of fucking on the hood of the Porsche earlier in the day, he'd been obsessed with the idea. I appreciated his enthusiasm. After all, being fucked on the hood of a Porsche had always been a fantasy of mine, and that was before I managed to land a sex-God boyfriend with a cock that just wouldn't quit. Inserting Edward into my hood-fuck fantasy made it exponentially fucking hotter._

_Of course, I'd never tell him that. _

"_Edward Cullen," I snarled, "If you crash this car and we both die, I'm going to fucking kill you." _

_He glanced over at me and smirked, his eyes sparkling with mischief in the light from the Porsche's dashboard. His hand moved higher._

_I suppressed another wanton moan._

_I scowled at him._

"_Oh, Bella, come on," he said, laughing, "You wear that fucking micro-mini leather skirt with no panties underneath and you expect me to keep my hands to myself? Not fucking likely. Don't put it on display if you don't expect me to handle the goods, baby."_

_I looked over at the huge bulge in his pants._

"_I could say the same thing, baby," I mimicked._

_He looked down at his lap quickly and then back to me, quirking an eyebrow. _

"_Oh, I fully expect you to handle my goods, sweetheart," he said in a voice he knew very well would make my pink bits explode. "In fact, I'm so confident in the quality of my goods that I'm going to offer you a satisfaction guarantee."_

_I stared him down. _

"_Oh, really? What are the terms of this guarantee?"_

"_I'll give you a two-for-one deal. You get two orgasms to my one."_

_I laughed._

"_Lover, I usually get two orgasms to your one. You're going to have to do better than that."_

_His hand migrated up my thigh even farther._

"_Fine. Three to one."_

"_Four to one and I'll throw in a blowjob."_

"_Deal!"_

_I'm pretty sure I could convince Edward to do anything if I promised a blowjob. He was such a guy._

"_Edward, why do guys like blowjobs so much?"_

_He glanced over at me and frowned._

"_You're joking, right?" he said in disbelief._

"_What?" I said, laughing, "I really want to know."_

_He squirmed in his seat and adjusted his erection._

"_Bella," he began, "having a woman's mouth...no, wait...not just any woman's mouth...having YOUR mouth wrapped around me is...oh, God...it's...well...how can I explain? It's like...fuck...it's just so warm and amazing and that thing that you do with your tongue is ridiculously fucking hot...and...then, when you look up at me with those fucking unbelievable eyes of yours and you moan around Godzy? Oh..oh...Jesus...this conversation is really starting to make him ache."_

_He winced as he rubbed his erection through his pants. I watched in rapt fascination._

Fuck me.

_If I thought him driving this car was sexy, then watching him touch himself while driving this car was beyond hot._

_Without thinking about it I reached over and pushed his hand away, replacing it with my own._

"_Oh...God," he moaned as his hand went back to my thigh, "yes, please touch me...Jesus...Bella."_

_I lifted his hand off my lap and put it back on the steering wheel, ignoring him whining like a five-year-old._

"_Just keep your hands there and drive carefully," I warned him as I ducked under my seatbelt and leaned over toward him, unzipping his pants and unconsciously licking my lips. "I wouldn't want to bite down suddenly."_

_I reached into his pants and eased Godzy out, reveling at the thick weight of him in my hand._

"_Oh, fuck, Bella," he groaned as I wrapped my hand around him and squeezed gently. "I've...fuck...no one has ever done this to me while I'm driving. Jesus...I don't...is this a good idea?"_

_I flicked my tongue out, lightly running it around Godzy's head._

"_I don't know, Edward," I teased, "You tell me. Is this a good idea?"_

_I lowered my mouth over him, sucking gently, testing his control._

"_Holy shit," he whispered, his legs tensing, "Don't stop. Oh, fuck that feels incredible."_

_I continued to love Godzy with my mouth as Edward decreased his speed and increased his moaning. _

_I loved bringing him pleasure like this. I loved knowing that I had power over his body. I loved him so damn much and it made me happy to show him._

_It helped that I completely adored his cock. It really was magnificent. I'd seen my fair share of penises in my time, but nothing compared to the phallic perfection of Godzy. He was truly gorgeous._

"_Bellaaaa," Edward moaned as I continued to lick and caress him, "Oh, Jesus, beautiful...your mouth...wow...just fucking...wow."_

_I pushed him deep into my throat, using my hand to stroke him at the same time, loving the feel of him under my fingers, hard and pliant at the same time._

_I looked up at him. He was frowning and biting his lip, his breathing was choppy and uneven and he was groaning low in his chest._

_He glanced down and saw me looking at him._

"_Ohhhhh Jesus fucking Christ," he groaned, "That. Right there. Sexiest fucking thing in the whole damn world."_

_I moaned, sucking hard, and suddenly his hand was in my hair, pulling me gently off him._

"_Holy Jesus and all the goddamn saints, Swan," he panted, "You are too fucking good at that. I don't want to blow our deal before we've even begun."_

_I sat back in my seat as he shoved himself back in his pants and swerved off the road. I looked up to see that we'd pulled into a small wooded area with a dirt road leading to a small clearing overlooking the lights of L.A. It was stunning._

_He turned off the engine and unclipped his seatbelt, turning to me breathlessly and pulling me onto his lap._

"_You are the sexiest fucking woman to ever draw breath, you know that, right?" he said as his mouth devoured mine. _

_We kissed frantically as our hands roamed desperately, trying to grind against each other but frustrated by the lack of space inside the Porsche._

"_As sexy as this car is," I panted, "we'd have heaps more space in a mini-van."_

"_Yeah, well, I don't need a lot of space to make you cum," he rasped, tugging on a lever so that his seat reclined all the way back. He pulled me so that I was straddling his chest, and then he proceeded to slide down the seat until his face was directly underneath me._

Holy Mother of Imminent Cunnilingus, YES!

_My thighs were trembling with anticipation._

"_I've been waiting all goddamn day to do this," he whispered as his mouth came up to meet me._

"_Ohhhhhh, Jeeeeezuz," I moaned as his lips closed on me, his tongue doing something completely incredible, sending massive jolts of thick pleasure straight through me. I gasped loudly._

How the fuck does he know how to do that? I mean really. It's like he's memorized all of my erogenous zones and knows exactly how to make me cum in the shortest possible time. I don't think I could get myself off as quickly as he does.

_One of my hands braced against the ceiling of the car while the other one tangled in his hair. He moaned against me and I was suddenly panting, a quaking, coiling orgasm building quickly inside me._

"_Oh, God...oh, God, Edward. Jesus Christ, yes."_

_His hands stroked my thighs as his mouth continued to work its magic, and I was writhing above him, suddenly lost in the sensations he was drawing out of me. I couldn't think. My breath was ragged and uneven, every rough exhale bringing me closer to what I was craving, what he was doing to me._

_He started flicking his tongue over me quickly and that was it – I was flying apart and screaming his name, everything inside me expanding and contracting simultaneously, making me shudder and tremble._

"_Edward! Jesus! Yeeeeeessss!"_

_I groaned once more before collapsing on the other seat, my whole body quivering, my liquid muscles dripping over heavy bones._

"_That's one," he said breathlessly as he reached over to stroke my hair._

Oh God. Three to go? I can't. I'll spontaneously combust from that much pleasure.

"_Bella?"_

"_Yeah...one. Cool."_

_My brain was fuzzy and dull. I barely registered him getting out of the car and coming around to my side._

_I was vaguely aware of cool air as he opened my door and helped me out of the car. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, my mouth automatically going to his throat, tasting the delicious skin there. _

_He groaned and closed the door, leaning back against it as I unbuttoned his shirt, needing to taste more of him. _

_God, he tasted amazing._

_I licked his throat as my fingers worked automatically, tugging his shirt free from his pants and pushing it open, revealing his magnificent chest._

"_Uh...Bella," he moaned as his hands came up to stroke my arms, "I'm supposed to make you cum three more times before I get my reward. That's...Jesus...that's really not going to happen if you keep touching me like this." _

_I ran my hands over his chest, trailing my mouth after them, tasting and nibbling every piece of skin on the way. I bit down lightly on his nipple and his hands smacked loudly against the side of the car._

"_Bella..." he said in a low warning tone, "our deal?"_

_I ignored him. I was ravenous for him. His taste filled my mouth and my mind, and the parts of me that he'd just made explode with pleasure were desperate for him again. The more I had the more I needed. I was giddy with lust. Nothing mattered to me but the feeling of his skin on mine. His pleasure. My pleasure. The desperate electricity that constantly passed between us._

"_Fuck," he groaned softly and spun me around so my back was against the car, glaring at me with toe-curling intensity. "I refuse to fucking orgasm without fulfilling my promise to you, Swan. So prepare to cum violently three more times. At least." _

_His hand pushed up my skirt impatiently, his fingers finding me quickly and roughly, making me gasp._

"_Oh shit...Edward," I moaned as his mouth took mine roughly, his tongue finding mine, insistent and hard, his fingers moving around me, inside me, making me pant and gasp. _

So soon? How can he have me on the edge again so soon? He's like an orgasm savant.

_I wound my fingers in his hair and tugged. He responded by groaning and circling his fingers faster, bringing his other hand up to tease my nipples._

"_Fuck, Bella," he said as I alternated between panting and holding my breath, "Watching your face as I touch you...watching your orgasm build...feeling your body respond to my hands...and mouth..." - he ground his erection against me and I moaned - "...and cock...there's no sight on the planet more incredible than you cumming. And there's no satisfaction greater for me than making you cum."_

_I lifted my leg and hitched it around his hip, allowing him to push his fingers inside me. _

Oh, God.

_The pressure was too much. My muscles couldn't tighten any further. The tension inside me was stretching and teetering, like a strand of spider web, only needing only the slightest pressure to make it snap._

_And then his fingers were inside me and his mouth was on mine and his thumb was circling deliciously and everything flew apart and I was crying out with the absolute ecstasy of it all._

"_Oh, God...Edward...yes...yes...ahhhhhhh."_

_I felt myself being lifted off the ground as my body turned to jelly._

_Suddenly my ass was sitting on something warm and Edward's mouth was at my ear whispering, "That's number two."_

_I draped myself around him like a scarf, my body heavy and beyond satisfied. I lazily played with his hair and sighed into his chest. _

_God, I just wanted to crawl inside his skin and go to sleep. He smelled so good. His hair was so soft._

"_I hope you're not getting tired," he said as he started kissing my neck, "Because I'm just getting warmed up."_

_My skin ignited beneath his mouth._

God. How is this possible? Surely I don't have any endorphins left. He's used them all up.

_He pushed between my legs and when my body registered his erection pressing into my thigh, my girl-parts went from zero to please-fuck-me-now in about three seconds._

_Without giving them permission my hands reached out and starting stroking Godzy, fumbling to release him as Edward continued his marathon orgasmathon._

"_Oh...God, Bella," he moaned as he lifted my shirt up and nuzzled my breasts, "I need to be inside you. Immediately. Please."_

_His voice and words jolted me into action. There was nothing sexier than Edward begging to be inside me. _

_Nothing._

_Suddenly, my body was alive with fresh intensity and my hands were frantic as they tried to extract him from his pants._

_His mouth came down over my right nipple and I nearly slid off the hood with the force of my moan._

"_Bella," he groaned, "That fucking sound is killing me. Seriously. Are you trying to make me cum with the power of your voice alone?"_

_My hand wrapped greedily around his erection, stroking him slowly as the ache inside me intensified once more. His mouth went to my other nipple and the blooming need he ignited in me mad me -desperate for him. I needed him to fill me and take away the uncomfortable throb inside._

"_Edward," I panted, urging him toward where I need him the most, "Please. Now."_

"_Fuck, yes," he rasped as he pushed my legs apart even further and entered me, slowly._

_A long, low groan oozed out of him as his body merged excruciatingly with mine._

Holy Jesus.

How can it always feel this good? How is it possible? Every time is like the first time I've felt the utter perfection of his body joining with mine. Every time my mind struggles to comprehend that I get to experience the wonder of him over and over again.

_When he was completely in, his head dropped to my shoulder._

"_Dear God," he muttered, obviously not to me, "please don't let me shoot my load immediately. I need to give my woman two more orgasms or else risk being downgraded from sexual-genius to a regular old great-lay, and that would be unacceptable._

"_Edward, you don't have to..."_

"_Shhhh," he said urgently. "Don't talk. Don't move. If you could stop breathing for a minute that'd be awesome. And for fuck's sake don't do that thing with your inner muscles that you know makes me lose my shit."_

_I squeezed my inner muscles around him firmly. He groaned and glared at me._

"_Okay...sorry. Just checking if that was the thing I shouldn't do."_

_He dropped his head back into my neck as his hands clenched into the leather of my skirt. After a few moments he started to move slowly, withdrawing almost all the way out before pushing himself back in._

_The feeling was indescribable._

"_Lie back," he ordered softly as he pulled me to the very edge of the hood, "And take off your shirt."_

_I did as I was told, quickly pulling off my shirt before lying down, feeling the warm metal hood against my back._

_Edward looked down at my body, his hands slowly traveling over every inch of skin as he moved inside me, his face a masterpiece of concentration in the dim light._

"_You have no idea how fucking incredible you look at the moment, do you?" he whispered, increasing the strength of his thrusts. "No...idea. I've been dreaming about fucking you on the hood of this car ever since __I__ saw it in the showroom. I'm pretty sure that's the main reason __I__ bought it."_

_I gripped the edge of the hood as he bent over and kissed my stomach, my ribs, my breasts; his mouth and tongue lathing over my skin and shooting sharp jolts of pleasure through me as his thrusting became more demanding._

"_Oh, fuck, Edward...oh, God..._

_He grabbed my right leg and pulled it up until my thigh was over his shoulder, turning me onto my side._

Oh Holy Mother of Clit-Twitchingly Deep Penetration – that feels fucking AMAZING.

_I could feel myself groaning every time he thrust inside me and part of me was paranoid that I sounded like a squeeze-toy, but I didn't fucking care. It felt so damn good._

"_Oh, Christ, Bella," he rasped, "You feel fucking incredible. I never want to stop."_

_Electrical impulses were firing inside me and everything was tightening, keeping me on the edge, every thrust threatening to release the excruciating tension that was stretched to breaking point._

"_Oh, God...oh, God...Edward...yes..."_

_He groaned loudly, and the sound of his voice was all __I__ needed to bring me undone. I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath as the pleasure rocketed through me, exploding in waves as Edward kept moving...thrusting harder...and deeper._

"_Three," he grunted, as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me up to his chest, still thrusting, his pelvis never missing a beat._

_The waves kept coming as he kept moving, his own groans matching mine as I impossibly started to cum again, my muscles fluttering and spasming as Edward came hard inside me moments later, his mouth covering mine as he emitted a loud groan._

_We kissed passionately and our mouths stifled our mutual moans as the last tremors of ecstasy shuddered through us. Finally, Edward stilled, pulling back to look at me in astonishment as we both panted and gasped for air._

"_Fucking hell," he wheezed, dropping his head and stroking my back, "Four."_

_I wrapped my arms around his neck and collapsed onto his chest, panting like a dog on a hot day._

"_You're...oh, God, Edward, you're...I just...you...orgasm savant..." I stammered incoherently._

Can't think. Brain is full of multi-orgasmic haze.

"_Uh huh," Edward mumbled, equally inarticulate, "That was...fuck me...four...I need to lie down."_

_We both collapsed back onto the hood, drained and dazed and mind-blowingly satisfied._

_Mission hood-fuck? Completed._

By the time we turned into the driveway of the Hollywood Hills mansion, I was squirming in my seat at the memory of the epic orgasmasplosions of the Porsche hood-fuck two weeks ago. Obviously Edward wasn't reliving the experience with me because he seemed far from relaxed. On the contrary, as we drove up the steep driveway he seemed even more nervous, and suddenly intent on making a three course meal out of his cuticles. His face was tense and anxious, and although it made him look as sexy as fuck, it worried me.

I looked out the window as the house came into view, huge and white and lit up like something out of a storybook.

This was the third cocktail party we had attended at this house. It was owned by Edward's record company and I had to admit, it was stunning.

When I was a girl my dad would often drive up into these hills on the weekends and we'd look at all the pretty houses. They always seemed so unattainable. An impossible dream meant for the chosen few. I never thought in a million years I would one day be attending a party inside one of them.

Edward and I had been looking at houses and apartments for two weeks now, but my thoughts kept coming back to this house. There was just something about it.

I never thought much about what sort of house I'd want to live in if I had the choice. For so long the mere thought of having a roof over my head – any roof – was so elusive, I didn't dare dream further that four walls and a dry bed. I certainly never thought that I would be so infatuated with something so...grand. But there was a certain energy in this house that made it feel...homey. I'm pretty sure Edward felt it too because in our quest to find our own place, every house we looked at failed to get either of us excited.

_Yeah, because you're likely to end up in a house like this, right? Can't you just picture it?_

I tried to picture myself living in this dream house, cooking omelets in the giant, shiny kitchen; lounging in the living room as Edward and I played pornographic scrabble; catching some rays by the pool in a swimsuit I didn't yet own.

No.

It didn't work.

Even in my fantasies I didn't belong in a place this beautiful.

Edward did. I could easily see him living somewhere like this because he was a star. This was the sort of place stars lived, not ex-homeless people.

I almost laughed out loud at the fact I was coveting a house that was so far out of my reach it was ridiculous. I used to live in a cardboard box, for fuck's sake. From that to a mansion in the Hollywood Hills? I don't think so.

The fantasy was nice though. No matter how unlikely it was, the fantasy kicked ass.

Edward pulled up near the front door and I frowned.

"Where are the valets?" I asked, looking around.

He glanced at me quickly.

"Uh...it's a much smaller party tonight. I don't think they thought they'd need valets."

Before I could question him further he got out of the car and came around to open my door, holding his hand out to me and helping me out. As he closed the door he leaned in and I couldn't help brushing my fingers over his face. He looked at me in surprise, his eyes showing panic before he relaxed and closed them, sighing deeply as my fingers traced his cheek and jaw.

"You're tense," I stated simply.

"Sorry."

"Want to talk about it?"

"It's nothing."

"Doesn't seem that way."

"I'm just nervous."

"About the party?"

"Among other things."

"What can I do to help?"

He opened his eyes and pulled me into his arms, a small smile curling his lips.

"Tell me you love me."

I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck, idly stroking the hair at the back of his head.

"Edward...I love you. So much."

He stroked my back, his fingers light and warm on my skin as he hugged me, sniffing my hair in the process.

"Tell me you need me," he whispered softly, his warm breath sending shivers through my body.

"I need you," I whispered back, unsure why he suddenly needed so much assurance, but determined to give it to him anyway. "I'll always need you."

"Good," he mumbled as he sighed and stepped back, taking my hand and leading me to the front door. "I really need you to remember that if you get the sudden urge to murder me tonight."

Before I could ask what the hell he meant by that he pushed open the double doors revealing a throng of people standing inside the grand entrance hall who yelled, "SURPRISE" so loudly I almost peed in my pants.

My hand flew to my chest as I found myself confronted with a wall of faces and noise, all beaming and singing 'Happy Birthday' at the top of their lungs – Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, Rob, Renee and Charlie, and a middle-aged couple I didn't know.

I turned to look at Edward. He was shrugging and singing with them. When he finished he hugged me tightly and whispered, "I'm sorry. Alice insisted. She threatened to make me record a duet with Celine Dion if I didn't let her do this."

"How did you know it was my birthday?" I asked, pulling back and looking into his face.

"It was in the information Jay Jenks gave me after the Bree incident." He looked down and fiddled with my fingers. "I was waiting for you to tell me...to maybe bring it up, but...you never did. Then Alice found out, and...well..."

He gestured to a huge glittered sign, dotted with fairy lights that hung in the entrance hall above our heads. It read, "Happy Birthday, Bella!" and flashed insistently, like it was yelling at us.

Before I could explain to him that I would have told him if I'd remembered, I was engulfed in hugs and well-wishes from my friends and family.

Charlie was first, passing me a glass of champagne as he hugged me, and presenting me with a monogrammed wool blanket and an expensive bottle of wine. I laughed and accepted it gratefully.

Then Emmett and Rosalie tag-teamed me, Emmett taking it upon himself to swing me around like a rag-doll, spilling my champagne everywhere as Rosalie screeched at him to put me down before he hurt me. Emmett gave me several books on relaxation and meditation and I hugged them both.

I could see Edward watching from a few feet away, the small smile on his face doing nothing to distract me from his tense stance, his hands shoved in his pockets and his shoulders high.

I smiled at him as Alice and Jasper came over to me, wanting to reassure him that I wasn't mad at him for the surprise party, but he just kept staring at me, a look of restlessness moving behind his eyes.

"Do you hate me?" Alice said with a pout as she hugged me fiercely.

"No more than usual," I shot back with a smile, struggling to breathe in her iron embrace.

"Please tell me you had no idea," she said as she released me. "I've been planning it for weeks and I thought for sure that Pattinson was going to fucking ruin it this morning."

"Hey!" Rob said defensively as he came to join us. "I told you I was useless at keeping secrets, evil short-person, and yet you insisted on telling me anyway. Any ruining that may or may not have happened was your fucking fault."

"Rob," Alice said with mock-patience, "how do you survive in Hollywood with zero filter between your mouth and your brain?"

He smirked and raised his eyebrows, snagging two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter. "It's not fucking easy, shorty, that's for sure. I'm fairly certain I've given my manager an ulcer."

I laughed as he leaned in and kissed my cheek, passing me a fresh glass of champagne in the process.

"Cheers, birthday girl," he said with a smile, "Despite your constant torture of my nipples and self-esteem, I'm extremely grateful you were born."

"Well, I'm thankful you're grateful, Pattsy," I laughed, toasting him and sipping the bitter alcohol, "Apart from Alice, you're the closest thing to a girlfriend I've ever had."

He choked on his champagne.

"Excellent," he coughed, wiping his mouth, "That's what every mildly-attractive heterosexual male wants to hear. Thanks."

I hugged him and laughed, pausing when I saw Edward talking to the well-dressed couple I didn't know. He was running his fingers through his hair as the man patted him reassuringly on the shoulder, and then the woman hugged him.

_Oh shit. __Are they his...?_

"So, Bella," Alice said excitedly, turning me to face her and pulling a small aqua-blue box from Jasper's jacket, "I wanted to get you something special for your birthday, and I know you don't own much jewelry so..."

She handed me the box and bit her lip nervously, her eyes flicking between my hands and my face. "I really hope you like it."

My knowledge of things like jewelry was limited to say the least, but even I knew where the small, pretty box had come from. I also knew that whatever was inside was probably outrageously expensive.

I lifted off the lid and stared at what lay inside.

Earrings.

Love hearts.

Diamonds.

Small.

Beautiful.

Perfect.

Just like Alice.

More than I could ever hope to deserve.

I looked at Alice and swallowed as insistent tears prickled behind my eyes.

"Please tell me you like them," she said softly, her face braced for disappointment. Her eyes were bright and expectant. I felt like hugging her and never letting go.

I took a breath and tried to keep my voice even.

"They're beautiful, Alice. More beautiful than anything I've ever owned. You...you...well..." I sighed, trying so hard to tell her how much it meant to me and failing miserably. "I love you," I said finally, kissing her cheek and hugging her desperately.

"You're my sister in everything but blood, Bella," she whispered into my shoulder, her voice hitching. "You've given me so much, just by being you. You've made my brother happier than I ever thought possible. I...I can't express how much you mean to me." She pulled back and wiped her damp cheeks. "You deserve more than I could ever give you, because nothing I buy you will ever equal your true value to me," she smiled, "but I'm certainly going to have fun trying."

She picked up the earrings and gently put them in my ears, stepping back to appraise them.

"Beautiful," she said, welling up again.

"Yeah, the earrings aren't bad either," Jasper offered, kissing me on the cheek before wrapping his arms around his over-emotional girlfriend. "Happy birthday, Bella."

"All right, all right," Rob said quickly, fanning away his own tears, "Enough of the Hallmark Movie of the fucking week." He put his arm around me and pulled me away from Alice and Jas who were quickly becoming too wrapped up in each other to care that we were leaving. "Time to break out the cool presents, Swan."

He ushered me over to a side table where there was a large plastic bag.

"Went to a lot of trouble with the wrapping I see," I laughed.

"Who do I look like? Martha fucking Stewart? I'm a man, Swan. I don't wrap."

He picked up the bag and held it out to me, his eyes excited and expectant.

"Go on. Open it."

I opened the bag and pulled out a large box. I read the label and laughed.

"The Complete Monty Python's Flying Circus Collector's Edition Megaset?"

I looked up into Rob's proud face.

"Do you like it?" he asked nervously.

"Rob, I love it," I said, looking at the list of skits listed on the box. "Where did you get this? I've been looking for it everywhere."

He rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged, looking embarrassed.

"I bought it for you ages ago but haven't had the chance to give it to you. The Spanish Inquisition's on there."

I swallowed and nodded, remembering how we had immediately bonded over that skit when we'd first met. I knew then that we were going to be good friends.

There are just some people who come into your life you know will be with you forever. They're people you can be totally natural with, who you don't need to try to be anything other than yourself.

Rob was one of those people.

I completely believed in the concept of soul mates, but I didn't believe there was just one soul mate for everyone. I mean, I obviously knew without a doubt that Edward was my mine – the one person I was destined to be with for the rest of my life - but I also believed those friends we loved the most, the ones we couldn't imagine living without – like Alice and Rob – were our soul mates too.

I'd felt it the first time I'd met them and I was so immensely grateful to have them in my life.

I looked at Rob and tried to smile without crying. I think it came out more like a grimace.

"Jesus, Bella," he said leaning back, "you're not going to vomit on me again, are you? Because as much as I love you, that would be the last fucking straw in our friendship."

I laughed and put his gift down so I could pull him in for a hug.

"Don't tell anyone I said this," I said, a light sob creeping into my voice, "But you are one of the best people I've ever met."

"Jesus, don't cry, Bella," he whispered, hugging me back, "You know I can't fucking hold it together if you cry."

"I'm not crying," I said defensively, "I just...well...I really liked your present, and...I really like you too."

He patted my back as I pulled myself together.

_Goddammit. Didn't really expect to come undone because of a set of DVDs._

"Thank you for being my friend," I said, getting myself under control.

He pulled back and smiled one of those smiles that made it impossible for me to not smile with him.

"Thank you for letting me," he replied softly.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Edward standing there.

He looked devastatingly handsome, but there was still a hint of tension in his face.

"Sorry to interrupt," he said, smiling, "but I kind of need to borrow Bella for a few minutes, if that's okay with you, Rob."

Rob raised his eyebrows and sighed.

"I don't know, Edward," he said, seriously, "Bella and I were just bonding over absurdist British comedy and reminiscing about the time she regurgitated all over me. You'd need to have a pretty bloody good reason for disturbing us."

Edward looked at me, his eyes warm but guarded.

"Well, Rob, I was going to introduce Bella to my parents. Is that a good enough reason?"

_Oh. God._

_He wants me to meet the parents? _

My anxiety levels rocketed off the charts.

Rob nodded in defeat.

"Yep. That'll do."

He downed the rest of his champagne before putting the glass down on the table and wrapping his arms around both Edward and me.

"Okay, kids, you have a nice time. Thanks for inviting me." He stood back and looked at me.

"I hope you get everything you wish for, birthday girl," he said sincerely.

"Thanks Rob," I said, squeezing his arm before watching him wander over to Rosalie and exclaiming loudly, "So, Rosie. Did I tell you about the time I thought Emmett was going to ass-rape me?"

Edward smiled and took my hand, running his fingers gently across mine.

"I really want to hear that story," he said, as his skin hushed over mine.

"We could hear it," I said, trying to hide my nerves from him. "I mean, it would only be a few minutes. We could...well...I could...ah...meet your parents later if you like. I mean...it's no big deal, right? Surely a few more minutes won't make a diff..."

He stopped my nervous rambling by kissing me, his right hand wrapping around my waist as his other hand cupped my cheek. I immediately zoned out on everything except the feeling of his mouth on mine, moving gently, calming and exhilarating me simultaneously.

He pulled back and the moment his lips left mine, my nerves started jangling again.

"Is it really necessary for me to meet them?" I asked, dropping my head and twirling the button on his suit-jacket. "Can't you just show them a picture of me and assure them I'm awesome?"

"Bella," he said as he tilted my head up to look at him, "they're going to love you."

"Yeah. Of course they are," I said, dropping my eyes as I put my hand on his chest and fiddled with his tie, "I mean, really, what's not to love? An ex-homeless person who nearly killed her stepfather is dating their son. They'll do the dance of joy, I'm sure."

"Bella, look at me," he said firmly. I looked up into his incredible green eyes. He cupped my cheek and ran his thumb over my skin, his eyes looking at me with so much adoration I was finding it difficult to breathe.

"I love you," he said softly, "My sister loves you, and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my parents are going to love you." He kissed me softly and I sighed in resignation. "They want what's best for me, Bella, and it's pretty fucking obvious to anyone with eyes in their head that what's best for me is you."

I nodded and drew in a shaky breath.

Regardless of how nervous I was, I knew I had to meet them. Part of me really wanted to shake the hands of the couple that produced such a remarkable son.

"Let's go," I said, trying to replace my nerves with enthusiasm.

Edward laced my fingers through his and led me across the room to where his parents were waiting. I tried desperately to look confident as we approached them, but I was immediately intimidated.

_Damn, they're so fucking pretty._

His mom had a bronze tint to her hair and the same stunning green eyes as Edward. His dad had obviously passed on his devastating jaw and bone structure, and had Alice's pale blue eyes. As I approached they both smiled warmly, looking between Edward and me with obvious affection.

They looked like those ridiculously perfect couples in the photos you got when you buy picture frames – smiling and beautiful and unrealistically happy.

There were plenty of pictures like that of Phil and Renee when I was growing up. They were scattered around the house. Phil would have his arms around Renee and they'd both be beaming, seemingly perfectly in love. To an outsider, they looked like they didn't have a care in the world.

I wanted to grab every single one of them and write 'violent alcoholic' across Phil's forehead in Magic Marker.

They say pictures don't lie.

Bullshit.

I suddenly wondered what Edward and I would look like in a picture together.

The only picture I'd ever seen of us was the one taken at the very first cocktail party we had gone to. It was just when we had started to admit we were attracted to each other and he defended me to that skank-bitch-whore Tanya Denali. Then, on the balcony, he'd kissed me until my legs buckled, and Alice caught us. Then I punched out skank-bitch-whore Tanya Denali in the ladies' room before drinking myself into oblivion. By the time the picture was taken I was rolling-drunk and Edward was desperately trying to usher me into the limo as I shouted to the world that he was hung like a stallion.

_Ah, good times._

I was suddenly wrenched back to reality by Edward whispering, "Here we go."

_Oh, God. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'm not ready._

"Mom...Dad," Edward said, inhaling deeply as we reached his parents, "I'd like you to meet Bella Swan. Bella – my parents – Esme and Carlisle Cullen."

He squeezed my hand before letting it go and placing his arm around my waist.

_Ready or not, here I come._

I cleared my throat and held out my hand to his mother first.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Cullen," I said, suddenly feeling like a nervous twelve-year-old and hoping she didn't notice my clammy palms.

"Oh, Bella," she said, bypassing my outstretched arm and engulfing me in a warm hug. "Please call me Esme. I've been waiting for this day for so long. You can't even imagine how happy I am to finally meet you."

She squeezed me tightly and after I recovered from the surprise of her embrace, I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed back.

She smelled like citrus – fresh and vibrant.

She pulled back and looked at me, and even though I tried really hard not to, I could feel myself blushing under her scrutiny.

"So beautiful," she sighed, stroking my hair. "No wonder Edward fell in love with you."

I didn't know what to say. I was so damn emotional tonight anyway, and having a virtual stranger say stuff like that was seriously messing with my ability to not completely lose my shit.

I settled for nodding and smiling. She seemed to appreciate that.

I turned to Edward's dad and held out my hand. He took it in both of his and leaned in to kiss me gently on both cheeks as he said, "Edward has told us so much about you, Bella, I feel as if I know you already."

I suddenly felt bad that Edward had told me virtually nothing about them.

_Jesus. Didn't we talk at all? What the hell did we do with our time?_

Oh, yeah.

The sex.

_Swan, Do NOT think about having sex with Edward while you're shaking his father's hand. That's just wrong on so many levels._

"Uh...nice to meet you, Mr. Cullen," I stammered, suddenly very uncomfortable with just how much Edward's dad looked like him.

"Carlisle, please," he corrected gently, "Calling us Mr. and Mrs. Cullen makes us feel very old."

I relaxed a little as their warmth enveloped me. They had the same easy likeability that Edward and Alice had except it was more nurturing and mature. I immediately felt the weight of their acceptance.

"So, Bella," Esme said, "I hope you don't mind that Alice organized this little soiree for your birthday. Carlisle and I have been dying to meet you for such a long time, and it seemed like the perfect opportunity. Plus when Alice makes up her mind about something there really isn't any changing it."

I smiled.

"Yes, I know that too well," I said, looking across the room to the dance floor where Alice was wrapped around Jasper like a limpet. "I'm really having a good time. I'm not used to people making this much of a fuss about my birthday. It's nice...for a change, although a little nerve-wracking."

Edward's arm tightened around my waist.

"_You_ think it's nerve-wracking?" he said with a laugh, "I've been in a state of constant terror for weeks, not knowing who was going to murder me first – you or Alice. I was betting on Alice considering her daily threats to rip off certain body parts if I didn't let her be as extravagant as she wanted, even though I kept telling her you didn't really care about those things."

I looked up at him. I could still see the tension behind his eyes.

"Everyone who's important to me is in this one room," I said, trying to ease his mind, "that's the most extravagant thing I could have ever imagined."

Edward's eyes locked onto mine, and for a few moments nothing else existed except for him and me.

"And what a beautiful house," Esme said, gesturing around her, "Alice couldn't have chosen a more gorgeous setting."

Edward shot her a quick look which I didn't understand, but Carlisle quickly covered it by pulling an envelope out of his jacket.

"Bella, Esme and I selfishly got you a birthday present that we will benefit from. I hope you don't mind."

He passed me the envelope and I looked quickly at Edward. He smiled and rolled is his eyes at his parents as I opened the envelope to reveal two round-trip tickets to Seattle.

"It's really just an excuse to kidnap you both for a few days and completely spoil you," Esme laughed. "The last time I had Edward home he was nursing a rather painful broken heart and was incredibly unpleasant to be around."

"Mom, I've apologized for that."

"I know, sweetheart, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let you forget it. I'm your mother. Inflicting guilt is one of my rights."

"That and telling embarrassing childhood stories, honey," Carlisle said with a serious face, "That's actually both our rights."

"Yes, and I'm sure we'll be exercising those rights very shortly. I think Bella would love that."

Edward groaned and sighed.

"I'll pay you a million dollars to skip the embarrassing childhood stories. Bella has no interest in that sort of thing."

"Wrong!" I said, holding his hands and laughing. "I need to hear all about baby Asstard."

"Asstard?" Esme said with a giggle. "Oh, Bella, I need to hear the story of that nick-name."

"You think my nickname's funny," Edward said, standing behind me and wrapping his arms around me, "Her nickname is Piss-Girl."

Esme and Carlisle both laughed loudly.

"Well, that's a story I personally can't wait to hear," Carlisle said with a smile.

I quickly told the story of how Edward and I met, cautiously watching Esme and Carlisle for any signs of revulsion. There weren't any. There wasn't even any pity, although I'm pretty sure that's because Edward told them I can't stand that shit.

Nevertheless, several minutes later, Esme and Carlisle were still laughing about Asstard and Piss-Girl.

Edward and I laughed with them.

_I__ can only imagine how they'd react if __I__ told them about Giney and Godzy._

_Yeah. Maybe not._

"Well," Esme said, "I know it's a ways off, but we'd be honored if Asstard and Piss-Girl would join us in Seattle for Thanksgiving. It would be a great time to use those tickets. Please say you'll come."

A small thrill of excitement ran through me at the thought of spending Thanksgiving with the Cullens. I hadn't celebrated the holiday in a long time. Just the thought of turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pie got me just a little bit turned on.

"I'd love that," I said sincerely.

"Bella," Edward said seriously, "Before we go I'm afraid we'll both have to get extra stomachs inserted in our bodies. My mother doesn't believe something is worth doing unless it's worth overdoing, and she always insists on cooking enough food to feed the entire US army. And their allies."

Esme laughed and put her hand on Edward's arm.

"And yet, you always manage to polish off the leftovers before you leave, my dear first-born."

"I don't think you'll have any problem with leftovers this time, Mom," Edward replied. He looked down at me. "Bella is quite capable of eating her own weight in food. It's really quite disgusting. And sexy. Couple that with the fact that you've also invited Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and Rob, and I think we're completely going to wipe out Seattle's entire food stocks."

We talked and laughed about Thanksgiving for a while before Esme and Carlisle started telling embarrassing stories about Edward's childhood. I howled with laughter as they told me about the time Edward stood on the front lawn of their house when he was five, serenading the neighbors with nursery rhymes as he used the vacuum cleaner hose as a microphone. There was also the story about the two weeks when he was three that he refused to wear clothes. He'd take them off as soon as Esme dressed him and then run around the house naked, screaming as she chased him, desperately trying to get him to at least put on underpants.

I chuckled at the irony because I usually chased him around the apartment and tried to get him to take his underpants off.

After several more highly embarrassing stories that involved both nudity and poop, Edward was so red with embarrassment, he would have stopped traffic if I'd shoved him out into the street. Thankfully, before he could strangle both his parents, Alice dragged us all over to a table that housed an enormous cake that could have fed a small African nation for a year.

After everyone sang happy birthday to me...again, a DJ started playing dance music.

I spent the next hour dancing with my friends, laughing and clapping as everyone took turns showcasing their most outrageous moves. Rob was particularly spectacular, performing a truly heinous robot to shrieks of laughter.

I frowned when Edward excused himself after a while and disappeared.

Eventually the music changed, becoming less frenetic and more mellow.

I took turns dancing with all the guys before looking for the one person I really wanted to dance with, but Edward was nowhere to be found. After scouring the room for him, I finally spotted him out by the pool, pacing nervously. It looked like he was talking to himself.

I went over to the glass doors and watched as he walked the length of the pool and back again, his steps long and elegant despite him obviously being agitated about something.

_What the hell is going on with him tonight?_

At the beginning of the evening I thought he was nervous about my reaction to the party. Then I thought he might have been concerned about how his parents would react to me, but here he was, both of those things no longer a concern and still more uptight than I'd ever seen him.

"He doesn't want to disappoint you," a quiet voice said behind me. I turned to see Renee watching Edward pace, her eyes sympathetic. "He's been on edge all night, trying to make sure everything was perfect for you. That boy has it bad."

She looked at me and smiled.

"And obviously you do too. I can't tell you how happy I am that you found each other."

"So am I," I said as my eyes were drawn back to Edward.

We stood beside each other and watched him pace. It was oddly soothing.

"I hope you don't mind that I'm here tonight," she said, "Edward invited me and...well...I really wanted to come. But if it makes you at all uncomfortable please say so. This is your night. I'd hate to do anything to upset you."

I frowned as I processed what she was saying.

_Was I upset that she was here?_

When I first walked in tonight and saw her and Charlie, I didn't even question her presence. The room was filled with the people who meant the most to me, and surprisingly, she didn't seem out of place.

_What the hell does that mean? That I want her here? That I'm ready for her to be...important to me again?_

I had no clue.

All I knew was that my mother was helping me celebrate my birthday, and for the first time in a long time, I didn't want to hit her.

"I'm glad you're here, Mom," I said, turning to look at her.

She swallowed and looked at the floor.

"Thank God," she said with a laugh in her voice, "because I really wanted to stay."

We looked at each other for a few moments and I could almost imagine what it would be like if things weren't completely fucked-up between us.

"Sweetheart...sorry... Bella," she said, remembering she wasn't supposed to use terms of endearment yet, "I didn't know how you would react if I got you a present, so I didn't get you one...just in case it was...inappropriate." She dropped her eyes to the floor. "I know that things are a long way from being right between us, and I never want you to feel like I'm forcing you to...forgive me...or connect with me, or whatever. But please know that if you ever need anything...I'll be there for you. It might be hard for you to believe that after my less than stellar track record, but I'm committed to trying like hell to make up for all the times I let you down, and I really hope that one day, you'll let me."

She reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope, holding it out for me to take.

"Here," she said, "this is for you. It's not exactly a birthday present but I thought you should see it."

I took the envelope and opened it. Inside was a piece of newspaper. It read - "Obituary. Phillip John Dwyer, aged fifty-three years. Died on Tuesday 9th of September at UCLA Medical Center."

All the air went out of the room.

"Phil?" I whispered, looking at Renee with wide eyes. "He's dead?"

She nodded. "His mother sent it to me. I think it was her way of apologizing for everything her son did to me. To us."

I swallowed hard as a dizzying array of emotions rushed through me. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe as a huge bubble of relief expanded around me.

_He was dead._

_That rat-bastard motherfucker wouldn't live to hurt anyone ever again._

I felt like screaming and singing and dancing and crying all at once.

_He was dead._

_Best. Birthday. Present. EVER._

"How did he die?" I asked quietly, my eyes still closed.

_I hope it was painful. I hope he felt what it was like to not be able to breathe it hurt so fucking much. I __hope that asshole suffered._

_Does that make me a bad person?_

_Fuck it, I don't care. That motherfucker deserved to rot in hell for what he did to us._

"Cirrhosis of the liver," Renee said with a sigh. "The alcohol finally killed him. I always knew it would."

I looked at her.

She was frowning and there was a haunted look in her eyes.

_Jesus. Don't tell me she's sad he's gone. That fucker beat us both for YEARS. She can't possibly feel remorse for his death._

"Mom," I said, trying to keep the incredulity out of my voice, "please tell me you're not sad he's dead."

She looked at me sharply.

"Hell, no," she said emphatically. "I feel bad that I'm ready to dance around on his freshly-turned grave singing _Hallelujah_. I mean, I'm so damn happy that he's dead it's scary. I just really hope that bastard suffered before he passed. An easy death was too good for him."

_Finally, we agree on something._

We both stood in silence, watching as Edward continued to pace and mutter to himself.

A strange sense of solidarity for my mother washed over me as I sensed how incredibly freeing Phil's death was for her.

I felt the same way.

For both of us it was the chance to close the door on that part of our lives and lock away the hurt, pain, and betrayal that had ruled us for so long. It was our chance to start again, in a world where Phil cocksucker Dwyer couldn't hurt us anymore.

I sighed and pushed thoughts of Phil from my mind. Tonight was about me. Finally. Not him.

Me and the people I loved.

"You should go to him," Renee said, gesturing to Edward's agitated form. "He obviously needs you."

I looked at him running his hands through his hair compulsively and sighing intermittently.

"I'm worried that he's going to give me bad news," I said, surprising myself with my honesty, especially in front of my mother.

"Bella," Renee said, turning to face me and hitting me with her 'mom' voice, "that man would kill or die for you. I doubt very much you have to fear anything he has to say."

I looked out at the man I loved. I knew what she said was true, and yet I couldn't help the crawling unease that prickled across my skin, making me shudder involuntarily.

There was something going on with him tonight. Something big. It made me nervous.

"He's a special man, Bella," Renee said, smiling at me, "You got one of the good ones."

I smiled back at her and nodded.

_Yeah, I did._

I pushed open the glass doors and walked over to Edward. The pool was filled with tiny floating candles and the water bobbed and sparkled with countless reflected flames.

He looked up as he heard me approach and exhaled heavily, his eyes closing for a few seconds as his lips moved noiselessly.

He was using his serenity techniques to calm himself down.

A sharp pang of panic stabbed through me.

_Something's wrong. I can feel it._

He opened his eyes as I stopped in front of him.

"Hey," he said softly, stepping forward so he could wrap his arms around my waist, "are you having a good time?"

"I'm have a great time," I said, the hard edge of anxiety coloring my voice, "except that I've been watching my boyfriend freak out all night and I have no idea why."

He dropped his head, his face showing his regret.

"Has it been that obvious?"

"Yes. And it's scaring the hell out of me, Edward."

"I'm sorry. That's the last thing I wanted to happen."

"Would you please tell me what the hell is going on?"

He looked down.

"There are two things I need to talk to you about. Important things. I just...I'm just not sure how you're going to react. I've been trying to figure out how to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"Well if I could bring myself to just blurt it out then I wouldn't be having a hard time, would I?" he snapped.

He rubbed his hands over his face.

"Fuck. Sorry. See, this is the part that's difficult. Maybe you should sit down."

"Why?"

"Because we could be here a while."

I huffed and put my hands on my hips.

"Edward, just tell me."

He started pacing again.

"Bella, I have a very bad feeling that you're going to kill me. And not in a 'I'm-going-to-suck-your-cock-til-you-brain-explodes-with-pleasure-and-you-think-you've-died-and-gone-to-heaven' kind of way either."

He grabbed me and led me over to a stylish loveseat, sitting me down before straightening up and standing in front of me.

"Okay," he said, exhaling heavily, "here goes."

I crossed my legs and tried not to look impatient. It wasn't easy.

"So, ever since I found out your birthday was coming up, I've been wracking my brain trying to think of what to get you. I mean, you're...well...you're you. I love you. I wanted to get you something that showed you how much I loved you...how important you are to me."

I nodded.

"But that's harder than it sounds," he said, starting to pace again, "I mean, so many things are just clichéd – perfume...lingerie...jewelry. They're predictable presents for a boyfriend to buy his girlfriend. Millions of men do it every day. I wanted to get you something different. Something special. Something you would love."

His eyes flicked to mine but he kept pacing.

"So I started thinking about you...and your life...and how you'd been deprived of so much for so long, and how I wanted to make sure you'd never be deprived again because when I think about you being homeless and hungry I get fucking insane with anger because you're beautiful and perfect and you should never have anything less than perfection in your life, and even though I know you love me and don't care about how I have a shitload of money, the fact is I _do_ have a shitload of money, and I want to use that money to provide for you in any way I can and make you happy and give you everything you could ever need or want because you deserve it, more than anyone I've ever met. You deserve to be happy, and I want to be the one who makes you happy because...well...fuck, I don't want to sound like an asshole or anything, but...you're mine. Do you understand what I mean by that? Not like a possession, but like you were made for me. Christ, this is coming out all wrong."

He exhaled again and closed his eyes, and I could see him trying to calm himself.

I stood up and walked over to him, gently cupping his face and stroking his jaw.

He sighed and his eyelids fluttered but stayed closed.

"Bella," he whispered, "I want to make you happy."

"You do make me happy," I assured him, stroking his face with my fingertips. "I'm happier than I've ever been and you're the reason."

His eyes opened and he looked at me.

My breath caught in my lungs.

_See? This is why I love him. When he looks at me like that...I'm beautiful. I'm the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. He loves me and I can see in his eyes just how much._

"I wanted to get you something you loved," he said, running his hands down my arms to my wrists and back up to my shoulders. I shivered as warm electricity tingled over my skin.

_Well, you could have stripped naked and wrapped a big bow around yourself. I would have LOVED that._

"Edward, whatever you've gotten me for my birthday, I'm sure it's beautiful."

"It _is_ beautiful," he said, his eyes reflecting the hundreds of candles floating in the pool. "But it's extravagant. I don't want you to feel...embarrassed to take it. Please promise me you'll accept it."

_God, I've already been given so many extravagant presents tonight – diamonds, plane tickets, news of asshole-Phil's death. How much more extravagant could it be?_

"Fine," I said reassuringly, "I promise I'll accept it. Now please, the suspense is killing me. Show me my present."

He took a deep breath and turned me around to face the doors at the back of the house.

"Happy birthday, Bella," he said into my ear.

I frowned.

"So, where's my present?" I asked, confused.

"There," he said, gesturing to the doors.

"What, inside the house? Where inside the house? Are we going to play a game of hotter/colder, 'cause that could be fun."

He walked around in front of me and held my hands.

"Bella, we've been looking at apartments and houses for weeks, and I know that nothing has gotten you excited. But this?" he gestured to the house, "Every time we come here you rave about it. I can see your eyes light up when you talk about it. I feel how connected you are to it. Please say you like it."

Comprehension slammed into my like a freight train, stealing my breath and making my legs go weak.

"Edward," I wheezed as he noticed my distress and put his arms around me, "You...bought me...a house?"

Even in the dim light of the candlelit pool I could see his blush.

"Uh...yeah."

I closed my eyes and tried to comprehend the absurd reality of what he was telling me.

_A house._

_He bought me...a house._

_Nope. Cannot comprehend. Does not compute. Not possible to accept. _

"Bella? Please say something."

_I can't. My brain is too busy trying to comprehend __that you BOUGHT ME A FUCKING HOUSE to be able to form consonants and vowels into actual words._

"Bella, open your eyes."

_Nope. Then I'll see the house. The house that is impossibly mine. Can't deal._

"Please. Look at me."

I shook my head.

"Why not."

I still couldn't speak.

I felt warm hands stroking my arms.

"Bella, I want you to have this. Please."

I managed to find my voice but it was small and unsteady. I kept my eyes shut.

"Edward, it's too much."

"No, it's not. You love it. I want you to have it. I want you to have everything you've ever wanted."

"You're everything I've ever wanted."

"We need a place to live, Bella."

"I've managed without a place to live before."

"Yes, and it will be a cold day in hell before I let anything like that happen to you again. Bella, please..."

"It's a HOUSE, Edward. A giant, beautiful, perfect house."

"I know that. It's our house. Please look at it."

I couldn't deny him anything when he said 'please' like that.

I opened my eyes.

He was looking at me with concern...and love. Jesus. So much love.

I looked over his shoulder at the house.

I could see everyone inside having a good time – eating and drinking and dancing.

I had the sudden urge to ask them all to take their shoes off and make sure they used coasters when they put their drinks down on the furniture.

"I'm sorry," Edward said softly, "I know that it's too much. I know I shouldn't have. But..." He took my hands in his and stroked my fingers. I watched as our hands intertwined. "I knew how much you loved it. I loved it. I wanted to live here with you. I figured...why waste our time looking for something we both love when we've already found it? I convinced the record company to sell it to me."

He reached out and touched my face. My eyes automatically drifted up to his.

"Please say something."

My God, he was beautiful. And I'm not just talking physical beauty, because even though he was the most stunning man I'd ever seen...it was more than that. It was everything about him.

He was my everything.

"Thank you," I said, once again trying to push down my runaway emotions.

_Jesus, am I PMSing today? I feel like a crazy person._

I stood on my toes and kissed Edward, my emotions still raging through me like angry bull. His arms tightened around me as he kissed me back, his mouth falling into the familiar pattern of making me crazy with lust for him.

I couldn't handle it.

I pulled back, panting heavily.

I felt an uncomfortable quivering in my chest.

"Bella?" Edward said with concern, "What's wrong?"

My heart was beating too fast. I felt like I was having an anxiety attack.

Everything that happened today just seemed like too much.

_Don't ruin the moment for him. Get it together for God's sake._

"I can't swim," I finally said turning to look at the pool, still half-dazed, my words sounding slurred.

Edward looked confused.

"What are you saying?" he asked, wrapping his arms around me from behind.

"I took a few lessons when I was a kid, but not enough to do more than flail and try not to sink to the bottom. The one thing I learned was to not panic. When you panic you fight against the water until you get tired and then it drags you down. And when you're down you won't have the energy to realize that all you have to do to survive is let go. You'll just sit on the bottom and let the water win. That's why so many people drown."

"Sweetheart, what are you talking about?"

"But you have a choice. That's what a lot of people don't realize. You can float. Anyone can float. You just have to accept that you can. Floating doesn't take skill. You just have to let it happen. Don't panic."

I turned and looked at the house – huge and beautiful and glowing from the inside.

I turned and looked at Edward – handsome and perfect and mine.

Too perfect. Too much.

"I'm trying not to panic," I said honestly, my body, mind, and emotions pulling me in different directions, each one trying to force me under, "But tonight...I feel overwhelmed. How could I go from having nothing to having all this? How is it possible? I don't understand."

Edward wrapped his arms around me and I buried myself in his chest, breathing deeply, trying desperately to float.

"I'm a pretty good swimmer," he whispered, gently kissing my forehead, "but occasionally I forget to not panic. Maybe I could teach you how to swim and you could teach me how to float."

I closed my eyes as his scent invaded my lungs, giving me a brief hit of what I constantly craved.

"Maybe," I said tentatively.

He pulled back from me and tilted my head up to his, kissing my lips reverently, his mouth soft and warm and tasting of non-alcoholic cider.

"Bella, there was one other thing I wanted to talk to you about tonight, and I guess now's as good a time as any."

He took a moment to study my face, his eyes calm but burning with passion.

"I want you to be happy," he said, still staring at me with quiet intensity, "I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy. Please let me."

His voice was soft. Undemanding. I almost missed the meaning in his words.

"I...Edward...you said...uh...what?"

He smiled.

"Wow," he said more to himself than to me, "I thought I would be more nervous about asking you, but suddenly, the only thing I'm nervous about is your answer."

He stepped back from me and walked over to a small wrought-iron table near the pool. He picked something up and walked back, stopping in front of me.

My heart started pounding erratically.

"Bella," Edward said, looking into my eyes with an intensity I had never seen, "I spent a lot of years running around, desperately trying to find something to soothe the restlessness I felt inside me. Trying to satisfy the raw ache that I'd always had. I did so many things that I'm ashamed of...hurt so many people, including my family...but nothing worked. I felt empty. Like I had holes in me that were never filled, no matter how many drugs I took, or how much alcohol I drank or how many women I slept with. The holes were always there. I'd almost come to accept that they were just a part of me and I'd have to get used to feeling incomplete.

But then I met you, and suddenly, the restlessness went away. The holes got smaller and less empty until eventually, they didn't exist anymore.

You did that. You filled me up in ways I never thought possible. You made me feel like I was worthy of having something amazing and remarkable.

You made me whole.

For the first time in my life, I knew what it felt like to not have to search for something because I'd already found it.

I'd found you."

He took a breath and I could see that he was getting emotional. My chest tightened in response.

_Please don't cry, Edward. If you do I'll shatter into a thousand pieces and collapse in a gasping, weeping mess on the floor. I'm having enough trouble accepting all of this is real without that happening. Please don't cry._

He drew in a long breath and continued, his voice steady but quiet.

"I never really believed any of the romantic bullshit I'd heard over the years. All the love songs and poetry and gushing declarations of destiny and forever. It all seemed too much. I thought people were making it up. Acting the part. I never truly believed love that was all-consuming, and passionate, and earth-shattering actually existed. But now I know it does. I have it. With you. And it constantly boggles my mind that I find new ways to love you every day."

Edward brought his hand up, and in his palm was a small, black velvet box.

A ring box.

My heart tried to crack through my chest it was thudding so hard.

I watched in absolute shock as Edward kneeled on the ground and opened the box to reveal the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen. It flashed and sparkled in the candlelight.

I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing.

"Isabella Swan," Edward said as he looked up at me, his voice low and dark with emotion, "I never want to be without you. Please don't make me. Say you'll be mine forever. Marry me."

Time stopped.

Rough air rasped inside my lungs as his words rushed through my mind, blurring the lines between fantasy and reality in one blinding instant.

_Holy fuck._

Have you ever had one of those moments where you kind of step outside yourself and look down at where you are and what you're doing and just think, 'How the FUCK did I get here'?

Well that's where I was right now.

It was like I was floating above us, watching the scene unfold.

My hands were covering my mouth, a look of absolute astonishment frozen on my face, and Edward Cullen - the most beautiful, magnificent, amazing man ever to draw breath - was looking up at me with absolute love and adoration, his face breathtakingly beautiful as he waited for my response to the question I never thought I'd be asked.

"Bella?" he said softly, "did you hear what I said?"

I saw myself nod slowly.

_This can't be happening. It really, really can't._

His face was heartbreakingly hopeful.

"I don't want to pressure you, beautiful, but...do you..." he swallowed heavily, "do you have an answer for me?"

I was sucked back into my body as everything went into slow motion.

There wasn't enough room inside me for all the things I was feeling.

Suddenly, the air was too thick. My skin was too warm. My head was pounding with the unbelievable unreality of what was happening to me.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

_Good question. I don't think so. 'Okay' is in another universe to how I'm feeling right now._

I couldn't speak. I couldn't think. I could barely breathe.

"Bella?"

One part of me screamed that I was going to disappoint him, no matter what I said. The other part whispered that I deserved this. I deserved him. That the fairytale was so close I could touch it.

But fairytales don't exist, right?

My heart was beating out of my chest.

"Bella?"

His voice was far away, floating through me and making me dizzy.

I couldn't stop looking at him. He was still on one knee, frowning. Worried. His eyes dark with concern.

_His eyes. God, I love his eyes. Everything I've ever wanted. Right there. So close._

"Bella, I love you. I'm always going to love you."

He swallowed hard, his eyes pleading with me, gut-wrenchingly uncertain, begging for an answer.

"Please...say you'll spend the rest of your life with me. I...God, Bella...I need you. I'll always need you. Please. Marry me."

I tried to swallow but I couldn't. I was choking on so many emotions it was hard to tell which one was crushing my lungs and which one was making me feel like I could fly.

The world started to spin, lurching and swaying beneath me.

"Bella?"

Before I realized what was happening, the blackness rushed over me and I fell.

The last thing I remembered was Edward's arms catching me before I hit the ground, his worried voice ringing in my ears.

* * *

When I came to I was lying on a couch. Edward was beside me, stroking my hair.

_He proposed to me. He proposed to me and I passed out. _

_Not cool, Swan. At all._

Carlisle's face appeared in front of me. He cupped my face in his hands and looked into my eyes.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he lifted my wrist and took my pulse.

My chest hurt. My skin was clammy. I needed to do something...say something to Edward...but I didn't know what.

"I'm fine," I said, sitting up, realizing that everyone was crowded around the couch, looking at me with concern. "I think I just...um...well..."

_Oh God, this was embarrassing. _

"I think I forgot how to breathe."

Carlisle suppressed a smile. He looked exactly like Edward in that moment. It was kind of adorable.

Edward was watching his father examine me with wary eyes. I took his hand and squeezed it.

"I'm fine," I said, trying to reassure him as well as myself. "I'm sorry...I...I didn't get to answer you."

I felt strange. Everything felt surreal.

Edward's hand in mine flinched imperceptibly.

_Can he feel my unease? Does he know just how much I'm freaking out right now? _

_I mean, I'm still coming to grips with him being my boyfriend, and suddenly he's buying me houses and asking me to be his wife?_

I guess, looking back, there were clues.

He was very secretive leading up to the party. I'd often walk into a room and find him on the phone, only to have him quickly hang up or start talking about baseball. He hated baseball.

If I'd been more aware I would have probably noticed. As it stood, I was apparently living in the land of Clueless, surrounded by a sea of Fuck I'm Oblivious because the house and the proposal took me completely by surprise.

And now I was having a major anxiety attack in a room filled with my nearest and dearest.

Excellent.

"Your pulse is a little high," Carlisle said as he released my wrist and stood up. "Just take it easy for a few minutes, and we'll see if it settles down. Have you eaten anything tonight?"

I shook my head.

Esme handed me a plate with some small sushi pieces on it.

I wasn't hungry but I popped one in my mouth and chewed it anyway. Carlisle seemed to relax as I forced myself to swallow it.

I could feel Edward's eyes on me.

I glanced over at him and he looked away.

Carlisle pressed his fingers against my wrist once more, seeming happier with my pulse as he released my hand.

"That's better. I'd like you to rest for a few minutes and then I'll check it again. In the meantime, please don't forget how to breathe, it causes my son severe distress. Although it is kind of amusing to hear his voice get screechy and girl-like. He hasn't screamed for me like that since he was hit in the groin with a baseball bat when he was fourteen and was convinced his scrotum was broken."

_Well, that explains his aversion to baseball._

I heard several people chuckle, Rob and Emmett included.

Edward ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "Thanks for that, Dad. Nothing like mentioning my scrotum to really kick a party into overdrive."

Carlisle smirked at Edward who was blushing.

"What the hell was going on out there that made you forget how to breathe, Bells?" Emmett asked, looking at Edward with a raised eyebrow.

"Not what you think, perv," Edward said, his voice low and lacking any of the teasing humor he usually shared with Emmett.

"I find that hard to believe, Miley," Emmett smirked, not noticing the difference. "You two were out there for more than fifteen minutes. Usually that much alone-time means excessive amounts of inappropriate touching."

"We were just talking," Edward said, glancing at me quickly before looking at the floor.

He was tense, and I hated that he wouldn't look at me.

_Can you Blame him, Swan? He just asked you one of the most important questions a man could ask a woman and you still haven't given him a damn answer. _

I needed to talk to him...tell him how I felt.

He looked over at me, watching the nervous rise and fall of my chest, then looked down again and started biting his fingernails.

I wished we were alone. I couldn't say all the things I needed to say to him in front of all these people.

I sat up straight, trying to get my lungs to expand. They wouldn't.

I reached over and pulled his hand away from his mouth, holding it in both of mine, stroking his fingers gently.

"Edward," I said quietly, willing him to look at me, "I need to talk to you alone…"

Before I could say anything else, Renee walked over and handed me a glass of water. I thanked her and took a sip, suddenly conscious that everyone was looking at me.

I looked around the expectant faces, blushing.

"Wow. This is exciting, huh?" I said breathlessly, trying to not look like I was drowning on dry land, "You all come to party with me and end up watching me be all unconscious. I sure know how to show you a good time, don't I?"

I tried to laugh but I couldn't.

"We're just happy you're okay, Bells," Charlie said. "Besides, I was kind of expecting something like this. You'd had more than two glasses of alcohol and we all know what a lightweight you are."

Everyone laughed.

I concentrated on breathing.

"At least you didn't puke," Rob offered helpfully. "I speak from experience when I say that we can thank God for small mercies."

I gave him as much of a smile as I could manage and looked over at Alice.

She was frowning.

No, correction.

She was scowling.

She kept looking between Edward and me suspiciously and I could almost feel what she was about to say.

"What the fuck is going on here?" she asked, her eyes narrowing at her brother. "Edward, what the hell were you two talking about out there?"

"Alice," Edward said in a warning tone, "I'll talk to you about it later..."

Alice gasped.

_Oh shit. _

_This is not going to be good._

"Edward Asstard Cullen!" she seethed, "You asked her to marry you without fucking telling ME? ME! The person who has been dreaming about this moment for fucking MONTHS? What the FUCK?"

Edward groaned and rubbed his eyes.

Suddenly the room was buzzing with noise. Everyone was throwing questions at us. They wanted to know what he said. What I said. Where's the ring? Had we set a date?

I closed my eyes to block it out.

Edward's hand tightened around mine, but he felt far away. I needed him closer.

"Please, everyone, just calm down," I heard Esme say. Her voice was soft-edged and echoey.

_Dear God, please don't let me pass out again. That would fucking suck._

I opened my eyes and looked at Edward. He looked forlorn. I wanted to comfort him but my head was swimming. I felt like I was on a boat in a storm. The faces around me were going in and out of focus.

Alice walked over and glared at her mother.

"Mom? You KNEW about this?" she said with incredulity.

Esme sighed.

"He asked me for Grandma Cullen's ring, Alice. I kind of guessed."

Alice's breath hitched.

"Oh, fuck," she said softly, as she turned to me, "Bella, that ring must look so fucking beautiful on you."

"Alice, language," Esme chastised.

"Well?" Alice said, looking at me expectantly, "Show us."

I looked up at her, trying to focus on her face. I couldn't.

My mind was screaming that I should tell them I didn't get to answer, but I couldn't get the words to leave my mouth.

I looked at Edward. He was staring at the ground, his shoulders hunched and tense. My left hand was still clasped in his right. Then he gently removed his hand, revealing my naked fingers.

"Edward..." I whispered, but I didn't think he could hear me.

I could feel everyone's shock hit me like a punch in the gut. My ribs tightened even further.

"Bella?" Alice said in horror, "You...Jesus fucking Christ...you turned him down?"

Her voice was small and hushed, but in the absolute quiet of the room it sounded like she was screaming.

"Alice, please stop," Edward said quietly.

_He thinks I rejected him. _.

"Edward, no," I managed to wheeze before I started gasping.

Black shadows crawled around the edges of my vision.

Carlisle appeared in front of me, blurry and shimmering.

"Bella, breathe," he ordered quietly.

I tried to. I got a small amount of air into the top of my lungs but it rushed out too quickly.

I needed to tell him I hadn't rejected him, to reassure him that I wanted him more than anything else in my whole life, but I was terrified that as soon as I did that, I'd wake up to find it was yet another fantasy and be overwhelmed by devastating disappointment.

Edward had asked me to marry him. He'd bought me a house.

It was the most outrageous fantasy I'd ever had.

My lungs ached for air.

The blackness was dragging me under.

I groaned and closed my eyes.

_Stop fighting, Bella. Just relax and float. _

I felt warm arms surround me...warm breath on my face...

"Bella, please," Edward's voice said, pleading and desperate, whispering in my ear, "Breathe."

I sucked in air. It smelled like him. My chest released a little but it wasn't enough.

I felt his lips on my cheek...my forehead...his hand on my face...his fingers soft and gentle.

I needed to tell him...he needed to know...

"Breathe," he urged again.

I pulled in more air. It tasted like him. I drew it deep inside me, letting it massage the frozen, frightened muscles.

The shadows in my head faded a little, paling from black to grey.

_Stop fighting. Tell him, Bella. Tell him what he means to you. Just fucking do it. _

My eyelids were heavy but I lifted them anyway, fighting the dizziness.

I tried to focus on the shape in front of me.

He was there. His arms around me. His eyes on me.

"Bella, I love you. Forget what I said tonight. It doesn't matter. I just want to be with you, in any way you'll let me. Please. I need you."

His voice reached inside me and snapped the steel bands around my lungs, making them disintegrate and fall away.

There was nothing more important to me than what he needed. Nothing. Not my doubt or my fear or the outrageous possibility that a happy ending was really, truly available to me. And in that moment with his arms wrapped around me and his desperate eyes searching my face, everything became clear.

_Him. That's all I need. That's all I'll ever need. Just him._

_He's real and he's here and he loves me. Nothing else matters._

I gasped as a huge lungful of air rushed into me, pushing away the shadows and doubts completely.

"Edward," I whispered as I reached out to touch his face.

"Oh, thank God," he said, relief flooding his face, "Keep breathing. Jesus, Bella, don't fucking scare me like that. You can't...Christ, you can't do that again, okay?"

"Are you all right?" Carlisle asked, his hand on my pulse again.

"Yes," I said a little louder, the pounding of my heart roaring in my ears. My breathing was still shallow, but the air was full of him. It filled me.

I floated.

"I panicked," I said, looking into Edward's eyes, hating that I'd caused him distress. "I should have known better. But everything you said..."

He swallowed hard.

"Forget about it," he said, stroking my hair. "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry."

"No," I said, gripping his shirt in my hands, "I don't want to forget about it. It was..." I took a deep steadying breath, "It was beyond beautiful. I just...I don't know what the hell happened to me...but, God, Edward, my answer is yes."

This time he stopped breathing.

I touched his face gently, smiling at his shocked expression.

"Edward, breathe."

He blinked and inhaled noisily.

"Your answer's...?"

"Yes. Of course it's yes. I just..." I steadied my breathing as my pulse rate finally calmed down, "I just panicked because...well..."

I looked around at the faces around me, every single one of them meaning something different to me. Every one important...special...

But his face. That was beyond special. It was essential. I tried to just concentrate on him.

"For so long I was miserable," I said, struggling to make him understand how completely I needed him, "I went through each day just trying to survive. I'd gotten so used to a life without joy, that I didn't think I'd ever feel happy again.

But then you came into my life and turned everything upside down, and suddenly...Jesus, suddenly everything that I've been fantasizing about for the past three years was coming true, and to be honest, I'm freaking the hell out because shit like this doesn't happen to a girl like me. At least that's what part of me believes."

I took another breath and closed my eyes for a second before opening them again to look at him.

"And for a moment, that part kind of took over, and I'm sorry that I scared you. But Edward, please understand that you...you give me so much just by being, so when you turn around and buy me the dream house I never knew I've always wanted, and then you say the most beautiful things to me about what I mean to you? I kind over overloaded.

"I didn't think I could love you any more than I already did, but then you said those words, and looked at me like I was some priceless piece of art...and...I felt...so overwhelmingly happy that I thought my chest was going to crack wide open because it couldn't hold all the love I have for you inside it."

I watched as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

He took both my hands in his, gently stroking my fingers as he looked in my eyes.

"So...Bella...you're...you're saying...?"

"I'm saying yes, Edward, I will marry you. I _want_ to marry you. God, I want to marry you so much."

Suddenly the room exploded with applause, but all I could concentrate on was the utter and complete joy that spread across Edward's face.

It was breathtaking.

He took a deep breath and beamed at me as he slid his grandmother's ring onto my finger and softly kissed my hand.

It looked perfect. It felt perfect.

"Thank you," he whispered as he leaned in to kiss me.

Before I knew what was happening, I was on my feet and people were hugging me. Esme and Carlisle were first, followed by Alice and Jasper. Alice almost cracked a rib she hugged me so hard.

Emmett sniffled his congratulations before crushing me against his giant chest and sobbing openly. Rose gently pulled him off me and led him away to a quiet corner.

Rob appeared in front of me and gave me a bittersweet smile before pulling me into him.

"So, I guess you really like this guy, huh?" he asked as he hugged me.

"Yeah, you could say that," I replied, smiling up at him.

"Well, he's a lucky man."

He swallowed and stepped away from me, running his hand nervously through his hair.

"So, I'll be expecting to be a bridesmaid for the wedding," he said, matter-of-factly. "Please keep in mind that I can't wear lemon or lavender, and anything with ruffles just makes me look hippy."

I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"I'll try to remember."

He nodded curtly.

"Good. Now, I'm going to leave because I've started losing feeling in my legs and I'm pretty sure if I drink anymore tonight I might take Emmett up on his offer of a three-way with him and Rose."

I choked on my own saliva.

"Just kidding," he said with a laugh before leaning in and whispering, "He actually didn't mention Rose coming along."

I slapped his arm and laughed.

"Say goodnight, Rob."

He smirked.

"Goodnight, Rob."

He turned to Alice and Jasper who were gathering their coats and getting ready to leave.

"Oi, can I get a ride with you two? I have no transport."

Alice frowned.

"Rob, what about the car you drove here tonight?"

His face crumpled in confusion.

"I drove here?"

"Yes," Alice said patiently, "In a green Audi convertible. You backed it into a rather large and obvious brick wall."

"Wow," Rob said, "I guess one of my friends is missing a car. A now-dented car. I wonder whose it is."

"Get in my car," Alice sighed as she walked over to me and kissed me goodnight, "It's the yellow Porsche."

Rob eyed her and Jasper suspiciously.

"Have you two fucked in it?"

Alice glared at him. "I'm not answering that."

Rob threw up his hands in exasperation.

"Jesus fucking Christ. What is it with you people and the need to fuck in foreign sports cars? It's like the national pastime. Don't you realize how appalling your sex-juices are for the upholstery?"

"Rob," Alice said impatiently, "get in the damn car. You're obviously in no condition to drive and I'm sure we can call all two of your friends tomorrow to find out who you've subjected to grand theft auto."

Rob clutched his chest theatrically and groaned.

"Has anyone ever told you how deeply your words hurt, evil dwarf?" he asked, sniffling loudly. "You're going to have to get your boyfriend to give me free therapy for all the fucking psychological damage you inflict on me."

"Pattinson! Car! Now!"

"Night all!" he called as he scurried out the front door, lighting a cigarette as he went.

Jasper hugged me and followed him, muttering something about him stinking up the interior and fiddling with the radio settings so it played only Van Morrison and hippy-emo-crap.

Alice watched them go before picking up my left hand and gazing at the ring nestled on my finger.

"Fucking beautiful," she sighed before looking up into my face and saying, with scary intensity, "Bella, I hope you realize I've been planning your wedding to my brother ever since you asked him if he wanted to fuck you in the middle of a busy restaurant."

I sputtered.

"I...oh...God, really?"

She looked at me without blinking.

It was fucking freaky.

"Really. I'll bring over the files tomorrow. I'm going to marry the fuck out of you two."

"Um...well...Jesus, Alice...I..."

"Just say, 'Okay, Alice.'"

"Uh...okay, Alice."

"Excellent."

She kissed me on the cheek and waved over her shoulder.

"Sleep well, sweet bestie, for tomorrow I'm going to annoy the fuck outta you!"

"What else is new?" I called after her, shaking my head at how much I loved her crazy ass.

Esme and Carlisle said goodnight next, making me promise to call them the next day so they could discuss the wedding and Thanksgiving. Then they hugged Edward and me before heading off to their hotel in a taxi.

Emmett was still sniffling when he said goodnight, enveloping Edward in a huge bear hug, and only letting him go when he wheezed that he couldn't breathe.

He left with Rose who whispered soothing words of impending blowjobs.

Finally, Charlie and Renee were the last to go.

Charlie hugged me before giving Edward the stink-eye and warning him that he still had his service revolver loaded and ready, just in case he hurt me in any way.

Edward paled and shook his hand solemnly, looking at me quickly before escorting Charlie outside, I guess to give Renee and me some privacy.

"I can't believe you're getting married," Renee said softly, her eyes bright with moisture.

"Me either," I said, trying to smile.

"Edward's a wonderful man," she said, stepping closer to me, "and he loves you so very much. I know you'll both be incredibly happy together."

"Yes, we will," I agreed, never being so sure of anything in my life. "I...uh..."

I paused as I thought about what I was trying to say.

I knew Edward was it for me. I knew he was everything I could ever want, and more.

I was happy, and I suddenly hoped that one day, my mother would be as happy as I was.

"Charlie's a wonderful man too," I said, feeling a sudden rush of affection for my surrogate father, and knowing that if anyone could make my mother forget the tragedy of her last relationship, it was him. "I hope you...he's..."

I took a deep breath.

"He's nothing like Phil," I finally managed.

I wanted to say that she deserved more than Phil ever gave her. She smiled at me and nodded, and I knew that she knew.

"He reminds me a lot of your father," she said, not looking at me.

I smiled as I remembered how happy Renee was with my father. I hoped Charlie could make her that way again.

"Me too."

"Thank you...for a lovely party," she said, finally looking at me. I could see how much she wanted to say to me. It was bubbling behind her eyes.

But we both knew we needed time to say the things that had been left unsaid for so long.

I nodded.

"You're welcome."

"And congratulations, Bella. You're going to be a beautiful bride."

Her voice caught as she said it and for some reason, that tiny sound...that little hiccup of breath made me come undone.

I tried not to let the tears come, I really did. I clenched my jaw and tried to swallow them down, but they'd been denied all night and they wouldn't take it anymore.

I didn't make any noise. I just let them tumble down my cheeks, ashamed as my mother watched me fall apart in front of her.

She looked at me with such sorrow and empathy, her own tears mirroring mine, that I didn't have the energy to protest as she moved forward and wrapped her arms around me.

She smelled exactly how I remembered – sweet and floral.

Without thinking, my arms came up around her.

We stood there and cried together, neither of us saying anything, our hug wonderful and awkward at the same time.

I was ashamed at how good it felt to hug her...and how much I'd missed it. I really needed a mom right now.

I pulled away and wiped my face, feeling strange and conflicted about what I'd just done.

"Bella?"

I looked at her. She hadn't bothered to wipe her tears. They streamed boldly down her face.

"Thank you. That was the best hug I've ever had."

I swallowed heavily.

"You're welcome."

She walked to the door and turned back to me.

"Goodnight...sweetheart."

It was still too early for her to call me that, but I didn't have the heart to tell her.

I let it pass.

"Night, Mom."

She walked out the door and a shiver of cold night air washed over me.

I closed my eyes and breathed it into me, listening to Charlie's car drive away before reveling in the quiet stillness of the huge, empty house.

My house.

Edward's house.

Our house.

I kept my eyes closed as footsteps came toward me. They stopped and I sighed deeply when he wrapped himself around me, all warm arms and manly Edward smell. I wound my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest, breathing him in.

"You okay?" he said, his voice rumbling beneath my ear.

"Uh huh," I sighed, and I actually meant it.

He reached down and tilted my head up, gazing at me as I opened my eyes. He ran his thumbs over my damp cheeks.

"You've been crying?"

"A little."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes. But not tonight."

I ran my fingers across his face, memorizing every curve, every inch of skin.

"You asked me to marry you tonight," I said in awe.

He smiled.

"Yes. Yes I did."

"And I said yes."

"You did. Eventually. I have witnesses."

He took my left hand and brought it up to his mouth, gently kissing my palm before laying it flat against his chest, his fingers toying with the cold diamond.

"You're wearing my ring," he said proudly.

"Well, technically, it's your Grandma's ring," I corrected, "but yes, I'm wearing it."

"It tells people you belong to me."

"Really? How remarkable. A talking ring."

His eyes flashed with fire and I knew I was walking a thin line with my sarcasm before he felt the need to punish me.

It turned me on incredibly.

"Do I get to give you a ring?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "It seems unfair that you can stake your claim on me and I can't do the same. I mean, The Screamers need to know you're off the market, once and for all."

His stare intensified.

"You want to give me ring?" he asked, his voice low and dark.

"Yes," I said, trying desperately to match his unflinching gaze, "In case you haven't noticed, rock-star, you're quite the hot property – gorgeous...intelligent...sensitive...awesome ass. Everyone woman who meets you wants to have you to herself. I want everyone to know you're not available. That you're mine."

His eyes focused on my mouth as his hands tightened on my waist.

"Say it again," he ordered.

The tone of his voice immediately lit up my thighs.

"You're mine," I said, reveling in the fierce sense of possession the words inspired in me. "Every mind-blowingly incredible inch of you belongs to me. I own you."

"Christ, Bella," he snarled under his breath, "that is so damn sexy. And so damn true. Again."

I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair, tugging it as I went. His eyes blazed into mine.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, you're mine. Now and always. Get used to it."

"Fuck, yes," he groaned as his mouth covered mine and he kissed me passionately, his lips and tongue owning me completely as I clasped my hands at the back of his head, desperate to get closer, to have more of him.

All of him.

His hands cradled my face as he kissed me, his fingers stroking my cheek before entwining in my hair, moving my head where he wanted it to be.

I lost track of all time as we kissed, our bodies becoming more demanding with every pass of our tongues.

"You're not tired, are you?" he panted as I ripped off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt, trailing my hungry hands over his chest before running them around his waist and up his back, gripping the muscles that were flexing and releasing as he cupped my ass and pulled me against him.

"Not anymore," I gasped as he lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist in the process, connecting us where we were aching to be joined.

"Good," he said, pulling me against him and kissing me fiercely, "because before this night is over I intend on making love to you on every horizontal surface in our new house...and even some of the vertical ones."

"Awesome," I exhaled as I wrapped myself around him and he strode purposefully up the grand staircase.

He kissed me as we reached the top of the stairs and headed toward the master bedroom.

When we walked into the large room I looked around in awe. There were candles everywhere, bathing the room in gentle, flickering light. The giant king-sized bed was covered in crisp linen. Gentle jazz music floated out of speakers attached to his iPod on the side table next to a bowl of luscious-looking strawberries, and a bottle of champagne sat in an ice-bucket near the bed.

"Mr. Cullen," I said in mock-horror, "were you planning on seducing me in this den of sin this evening?"

"Absolutely," he said as he placed me gently on my feet, brushing his fingers gently around my jaw, his face stunningly beautiful as he gazed at me.

"What if I'd said no to you tonight?"

"Then I would have had a very romantic night with my right hand as it helped me forget about the shameless hussy who broke my heart."

I ran my fingers down the center of his chest, grazing over the warm skin of his abs and back up again, continuing the pattern over and over, fascinated as I watched his breathing become fast and shallow.

"Did you honestly think I was going to say no to you?" I asked.

His hands mirrored mine, running up and down the length of my spine over my dress, stopping at the top of my ass before trailing back up to the skin on my neck.

"For a horrible moment, yes I did," he said, looking down at me and bringing his hands up to my face. "When you collapsed without giving me an answer, I...God, Bella I felt like I was in purgatory. I thought it was my fault - that you'd freaked out because you were horrified I'd proposed. That you didn't think we were ready to commit to each other like that. It terrified me to think that I was so consumed with you – with making you part of my future – and you didn't feel the same way."

I ran my fingers over his collarbone, stopping at the small indentation at the bottom of his neck. God his neck was beautiful.

"How could you possibly think I didn't feel the same way?" I asked as I stroked his neck, "Don't you understand how totally and pathetically addicted to you I am?"

"Tell me," he demanded softly as he unzipped my dress, his fingers brushing lightly over my skin.

"You remember how you felt when you were suffering withdrawal from drugs? The all-consuming craving that obliterated every other rational thought?"

"Yes," he said as my dress dropped to the floor and his eyes raked hungrily over my body, clad only in a strapless bra.

"Well that's how I feel about you," I said as he walked behind me and unclasped my bra, bringing his hands up to cup my breasts as the bra fell noiselessly to the floor.

"I know how you feel," he said as his hands caressed me and his mouth grazed over my naked shoulder. "Touching you? Kissing you? Being inside you? There are some days where I think I'll go insane if I have to endure one more second being away from you."

He pressed his lips against the juncture between my neck and shoulder as his fingers gently squeezed my nipples. I groaned as my head dropped back against his chest.

"Today was one of those days," he said, his warm breath tumbling over my skin as he pressed his lips across the length of one shoulder before crossing to the other side. "I was so damn nervous about the party and the house and the proposal that all I could think about was it all being over so I could do this to you. I want to do this always."

"Edward," I said as my hands covered his, stilling them on my shoulders, "Tell me why."

"Why what?" he asked, pressing his cheek against mine.

"Why you chose me?"

He dropped his hands to my waist and turned me around to face him, his eyes traveling over my naked body with unashamed lust.

"Bella," he said, exhaling heavily, "you are the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on. You honestly take my breath away. But what you look like is nothing compared to how you make me feel. When I'm with you...God...I feel like a good person. No...I feel like a great person. A great man, a great lover. You make me feel like all the mistakes I've ever made weren't a waste of time because if I hadn't gone through all that bullshit I wouldn't have found you, and finding you is the greatest achievement of my entire life. Does that sound crazy?"

"Not at all," I said breathlessly, endlessly astounded by his beauty, inside and out, "I feel exactly the same way. Exactly."

My breathing became labored as he traced his hands all over my body, his eyes following their path faithfully, every piece of skin he touched erupting with love and need.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," I said, unable to look away from his face as I watched him run his hands across my skin.

"Tell me what?" he asked, not looking up as his fingers grazed my collar-bone.

"About my birthday. I wasn't hiding it from you. I just forgot."

He stopped what he was doing and looked at me.

"You forgot your own birthday?"

"I just didn't have much reason to celebrate it for the past few years," I said honestly, "but now...I do."

"Bella," he said, taking my face in his hands and looking me squarely in the eye, "I can safely say that the day of your birth is the single most important date in the historical calendar, bar none. And as long as I have breath in my body, I'm never going to let you forget that. Ever. It should be a national holiday. There should be a parade...with giant floats...and ticker tape...and Giney-shaped balloons."

I laughed and he kissed me gently...reverently...and I had never felt more loved or more special.

"Edward," I said, tracing random patterns on his chest, "does it bother you that there's so much we don't know about each other? That we still have so much to learn?"

"No," he answered simply, restarting his fingers' journey across my skin. "We have the rest of our lives to learn about each other, and as much as I know I'm going to treasure every detail, I'm in no rush. Discovering new things about you is...intoxicating...and I want to spend the rest of my days being drunk on your history...your past...your future. I want to savor every second."

I stroked his arms, watching in fascination as his fingers trailed over me, stopping at parts that he found particularly interesting, alternating between gentle caresses and restrained strength. My hands traveled from his wrists to his neck and back again, but I couldn't stop watching his face as he studied me like I was something precious and rare.

"God, the things you do to me," he groaned as his hands gently cupped my breasts. "Touching your body is like a religious experience."

His hands revered me, trailing over every dip and curve, his face stern with concentration as he made sure to stroke every inch of tingling skin.

I closed my eyes as my breathing became unstable, small gasps coming out of me as he found areas that made me shiver with desire.

After a while it became unbearable. I needed to feel him under my hands. I needed to explore his body in the same way he had mine.

I grabbed his hands and put them at his sides. His eyes snapped to mine, communicating his displeasure with not being able to touch me.

"My turn," I said as I pushed his jacket off his shoulders and let it drop to the floor.

His white shirt was open, and I ran my hands across his chest before also pushing it off him, grazing my hands over his shoulders and down his arms as I tried to comprehend that, against all odds, the magnificent man in front of me was mine. All mine.

I could feel his eyes blazing across my skin as I touched him, slowly ridding him of all his clothes until he was naked in front of me, standing there oozing raw masculinity and more sex appeal than any one man had the right to possess. Just looking at him made everything inside me ache.

"Do you think it will always be like this?" I asked as I stepped forward and pressed myself against him, a thick current of electricity sparking between our naked skin, his erection pressing into my stomach making us both moan.

His fists clenched at his sides and I could tell he was resisting the urge to throw me down and fuck me roughly.

I was resisting the urge to let him.

"Like what?" he asked as his jaw tensed.

"Like I'm starving to death and your body is an all-you-can-eat buffet?"

"Fuck, I hope so," he said as his hands wound into my hair and his mouth covered mine.

The moment our lips touched our rampant desire erupted with ferocious intensity. Our bodies wrapped around each other as our hands and mouths and tongues danced across desperate skin, searching for the places that made us moan with impatient pleasure.

His mouth moved across my body with unerring accuracy, every flick of his tongue and suck of his lips adding more fuel to the impossible flames blazing across me, making me more desperate to be joined with him with every passing second.

He walked me back until my legs were against the bed, and then, without his mouth leaving mine, he lowered me to the soft bed, easing me back until my head was against the pillow and he was nestled between my legs.

My hands roamed over his back hungrily as the weight of his body pressed down on me, making me moan loudly as his hard muscles molded to my softness .

His erection pressed against me and I squirmed, desperate to have him inside me.

"I'll never get tired of making love to you, Bella," he whispered as his mouth traveled down my body – my breasts, my stomach, my thighs - "I can never get enough of you. Even after I've just had you I need you again. I've never felt anything like it. And the way you taste? Fucking incredible."

Then his mouth was hovering above me as he pushed my thighs over his shoulders and began kissing me...licking me...driving me insane with the soft warmth of his mouth and tongue.

"Oh...God...Edward."

I weaved my hands into his hair, barely breathing as the pleasure built inside of me. His hand kept stroking me, moving across my hot skin as he moaned against me, dragging me higher, and making me pant with anticipation.

Then his fingers were on me, circling, faster and firmer, winding me tighter until I fell apart, my back arching while my muscles pulsed with pleasure. I held my breath as the blinding waves rocked through me.

And then his face was above mine and he was inside me, filling me, moving slowly, watching me as I gasped, moaning as he eased the aching void that needed him so completely it hurt.

"I love you so much, Bella," he groaned as my body gripped him possessively, "Watching you as I'm moving inside you? Jesus fucking Christ. Incredible."

He continued looking into my eyes as our bodies moved against each other, and the love and passion and absolute adoration I saw there made my heart swell to the point of bursting.

This man...this beautiful, remarkable man...for whatever reason, had chosen me. Chosen me to give his heart and body to, and as much as I wanted to doubt that I was worthy of everything he gave me, at this moment I couldn't be anything but grateful. Grateful that he'd run into my alley all those months ago. Grateful that he'd taken me in and cared for me when no one else had. Grateful that he'd seen through all my bluster and defense mechanisms and not taken one ounce of my bullshit.

I'd never believed in destiny before I met him. I was convinced that our lives were a collection of random choices leading to random results. But now? Now I believed that everything that happened to me in my life was a predetermined map of events leading me to him. My father dying, Mom marrying Phil, my physical abuse, those long years on the streets – all of it contributed to that fateful night in the alley. The night destiny, in the form of a group of Screamers, chased Edward into my life and changed it forever.

And now, as I watched him above me, his face stunning in candlelight as his body made mine coil with outrageous pleasure, and he looked at me with boundless, unconditional love, I thanked any God that was listening for making him for me. For letting me have him, at least for this lifetime.

My hands gripped his shoulders as my body quivered and strained, the diamond ring on my left hand dazzling in the low light, reminding me that he was mine and I was his and soon we'd stand up in front of the whole world and promise each other forever.

"Oh, God, Edward," I groaned as the impossibly tight coil of anticipation snapped suddenly, releasing dazzling waves of pleasure through me, "I love you...God, I love you..."

I couldn't stop telling him I loved him as his thrusts became more desperate. His face crumpled as his own climax burst out of him, and he buried his face in my neck as he chanted my name, over and over again, his moving slowing until finally we were both still and silent, lost in the sweet serenity of each other's arms – our breath fast and shallow, washing over heated skin...our fingers gently stroking, our hearts pounding and full.

Eventually, Edward rolled off me, lifting me in his arms as he pulled back the bedcovers before laying me down gently. He crawled in beside me and I snuggled into his chest, toying with his chest hair as he sighed and kissed my forehead.

"That was..." he sighed, "Well, that was just...swell."

"Swell?" I laughed, "Have we magically transported back to the nineteen-fifties?"

He chuckled and I looked up to see his beautiful smile.

"Just trying something different," he said, looking down at me. "I figure you'll get tired of me calling you 'fucking incredible' all the time."

"Uh...no," I said with a heavy edge of 'duh' in my voice, "Please feel free to call me fucking incredible for the rest of my life. In fact, when we get married, I'm thinking that I should forget about taking your last name and just become Bella Fucking-Incredible instead. It would certainly be a conversation starter."

Suddenly, his mouth was on mine and his tongue was doing that thing where it sucked on mine and made me explode with lust, and then it was over and we were both looking at each other and panting.

"What the hell?" I said breathlessly.

"Sorry," he said, looking a little shamed, "but when you talk about us getting married, it drives me fucking insane. How the hell did that happen? One minute I'm a bachelor who's happy to have no romantic attachments, and the next minute the mere idea of standing at an altar with the most beautiful woman on the planet, promising to spend the rest of my life with her, sets off a bizarre possessive frenzy inside me."

He sighed and raked his fingers through his hair, looking down at me with desperation.

"I need to marry you as soon as humanly possible, Bella," he said seriously. "I'm not fucking joking. I NEED to marry you. Let's get in the car right now and drive to Vegas. You could be Mrs. Edward Cullen within hours."

_Mrs. Edward Cullen._

_Holy Jesus, that sounds good._

I traced his face gently with my fingertips, swallowing a fresh wave of choking gratefulness.

"Well," I said, inhaling a steadying breath, "I'm pretty sure that Alice would hunt us both down and murder us horribly if we denied her the chance to plan the world's most extravagant wedding ever, but..." - I kissed him tenderly - "if you want to start calling me Mrs. Cullen in the meantime...well...that would be just...swell."

He smiled and kissed me deeply, a low groan of satisfaction rumbling in his chest.

"Fuck, I love you, future Mrs. Cullen," he whispered.

He kissed my neck, his fingers moving across my body and lighting fresh electricity beneath my skin.

"Have you had a nice birthday?" he asked, his mouth opening as he suckled my throat.

Nice wasn't really a word I'd use to describe any part of today. More like remarkable, gut-wrenching, fantastic, perfect.

"I've had an amazing birthday," I replied, rolling on top of him and kissing his chest.

He grasped my hips as he pushed his head back into the pillow and moaned, Godzy already insisting on round two, tantalizing me with his mouthwatering hardness.

We made love again, and again, and again...all over the house, screaming louder with every consecutive orgasm because we could. Because no one could hear us. It was just us. At last.

When Edward eventually carried me back to bed, my muscles had melted over my bones from the extraordinary amount of pleasure he had perpetrated on me. He practically poured me in-between the sheets, and once he was beside me I lowered my ear over the thick thudding of his heart and sighed as his arms closed around me.

Once again, I was in my personal cocoon of bliss – beautiful and happy and loved – embracing the closest thing to Prince Charming I would ever encounter.

"I love you, Piss-Girl," he murmured as his breathing deepened and steadied.

"I love you too, Asstard," I said, kissing him gently over his heart.

His beautiful, remarkable heart.

I fell asleep listening to its heavy rhythm, my head filled with joy and destiny and excitement for a new chapter in my life.

Did I believe in 'happily ever after'?

No.

That stuff was meant for fairytales, and what I had with Edward was real. Real and powerful and incredible.

I had no doubt that the road ahead of us would be hard, and that we'd fight and make-up and have good days and bad days and piss each other off every now and then over inconsequential things that ultimately wouldn't matter.

But I knew that it would all be worth it in the end because loving someone means overcoming all of that crap and remembering to be grateful for everything you have together...for each other. Grateful for that fickle finger of fate that allowed you to find each other among the millions of other souls on the planet and spend the rest of your lives together.

Fairytales didn't cover any of that stuff.

So no, I didn't believe in fairytales, but I did believe in him, and I intended on spending the rest of my life letting him know that.

Happily ever after?

No.

This was just the beginning.

* * *

**Author Notes**

***sniffle* ****Aw, crap.**

**I told myself I wouldn't cry. *bawls***

**I**** can't tell you how much I'm going to miss writing these characters, but don't forget, outtakes WILL be happening.**

**I**** still owe #TeamGodzy a one-shot from the last Fandom Gives Back auction (I'm sorry, girls, ****I**** haven't forgotten), and if anyone wants to start a #TeamScreamers and bid on a future-shot for the upcoming FGB Eclipse (maybe Asstard & Piss-Girl's honeymoon?), please do. Screamers has a Twilighted thread, so please feel free to use it to hook up. (Take that however you want.)**

**Screamers has been nommed in the Twilight All-Human Awards for 'The Fanfiction That Had You Crying With Laughter'. If you wanna vote, well, in the words of Asstard, that'd be...swell. **

**http:/twilightallhumanawards(dot)webs(dot)com/voting(dot)htm**** (Don't forget to replace the dots.)**

**If you want to chat to m****e, come find me on Twitter. ****I**** have Robporn. Over eighteens only though please, I'm quite filthy.**

**And so, darling readers, ****I**** bid you farewell from Screamers-land for now, and offer you all massive bewb gropes and ass grabs. Without amazing readers like yourselves, I'd have absolutely no reason to write. Other than the fact I'm an enormous perv, of course.**

**I**** invite you to come check out my other fics – **

_**Grasping Darkness**_** is currently seven chapters in with a particularly pervy and horny WindowWard, and I'll be starting work on **_**The Diva Diaries**_** very shortly. A sneak peek of that one is on my profile.**

**Please drop me a line as you bid Asstard and Piss-girl goodbye.**

**I**** love you all. Seriously.**

**Kiya x**


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